FabSwingers.com forum: Trans help

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I'm transgender, still yet to fully come out and be myself in public. Is there any way I can do it easier, I'd like some tips and stuff for being more confident.

I have bad paranoia over people looking at me and judging me anyway even before I start being me in public. Any advice on how to combat this is much appreciated. Also anyone who can help me from liverpool or merseyside please come help me.

Thanks,

Ellie xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

do you have any friends that know? Maybe they could go with you to provide support

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Travelling

I can't even begin to offer advice with regards to the transgender side of things. However with regards to the anxiety and paranoia side it is all about allowing yourself to relax, ease yourself in to the situations you fear and over think.

Build up to it gradually, each time you will start to notice that nobody is focused on you. Increase the duration and frequency of your exposure to these situations.

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By *ultry SuccubusTV/TS
over a year ago

London

Being in the same situation, I guess the 2nd post is actually what you have to do OP.

Milder option is going out in stages - go to clubs, including day clubs if there is any (like Sweet Wednesday in London).

Maybe you can start by changing at the site first and later, maybe try going home from the club fully dressed.

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By *ultry SuccubusTV/TS
over a year ago

London

And my my, you are pretty.

If people are staring at you, most likely it's because of admiration.

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By *tace 309TV/TS
over a year ago

durham

I've never had, that problem about going out and facing the world. I'm ultra, confident. Confidence plays a big part. I've come, across many a, girl in a similar position as, you OP and I'm always, happy to offer my support where I can. I always try to go out with anyone who feel uncomfortable about themselves, and help them break the ice if possible. Everyone is different. That first step is always hard,

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"Being in the same situation, I guess the 2nd post is actually what you have to do OP.

Milder option is going out in stages - go to clubs, including day clubs if there is any (like Sweet Wednesday in London).

Maybe you can start by changing at the site first and later, maybe try going home from the club fully dressed.

2nd Post was being Facetious.

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By *tace 309TV/TS
over a year ago

durham

"Being in the same situation, I guess the 2nd post is actually what you have to do OP.

Milder option is going out in stages - go to clubs, including day clubs if there is any (like Sweet Wednesday in London).

Maybe you can start by changing at the site first and later, maybe try going home from the club fully dressed.

2nd Post was being Facetious."
I really wouldn't let a, stupid and ignorant remark like the second post get to me. Just move on and don't dwell on it. Once, a numbnut always, a numbnut

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Being in the same situation, I guess the 2nd post is actually what you have to do OP.

Milder option is going out in stages - go to clubs, including day clubs if there is any (like Sweet Wednesday in London).

Maybe you can start by changing at the site first and later, maybe try going home from the club fully dressed.

2nd Post was being Facetious."

And why do you presume I was being facetious. somebody who is going through the same situation as the op thinks my advice is a good idea

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By *ust ClareTV/TS
over a year ago

Settlewick!

The best advice I can give is to start somewhere with lots of people around, sounds maybe a bit daunting but you will be much less noticeable when people are going about their busy everyday lives.

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"Being in the same situation, I guess the 2nd post is actually what you have to do OP.

Milder option is going out in stages - go to clubs, including day clubs if there is any (like Sweet Wednesday in London).

Maybe you can start by changing at the site first and later, maybe try going home from the club fully dressed.

2nd Post was being Facetious.I really wouldn't let a, stupid and ignorant remark like the second post get to me. Just move on and don't dwell on it. Once, a numbnut always, a numbnut "

Didn't get to me was thinking how Op will feel

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By *isaAndNicoleTransTV/TS
over a year ago

Southport / Ellesmere Port

Ellie, a good place to go out for the first time is in a trans friendly place like the canal Street area in Manchester. Many start off there, I know I did, once you build confidence being on the streets there where people are not going to judge you then you can start to venture out a bit further. You'll be surprised how few people will take any notice of you, in fact many people are so friendly they will want to talk to you. At first that feels a bit bizarre because you don't want to "stand out" but you'll soon realise it's their way of just understanding what it means to be trans and people are generally very well meaning and encouraging.

Ignore the idiots like the man who referenced the "frock" earlier. Fortunately you won't encounter many people like that in real life. Just the ones who sit behind a keyboard and think they are "funny".

Also if you have a counsellor speak to them about it too.

Finally, we live in the same town, if you ever want to pop round just for a chat I'd be there for you.

Good luck with it all, it's not easy but you'll develop confidence in time. You are already a lot braver than I was at your age

Lisa x

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"Being in the same situation, I guess the 2nd post is actually what you have to do OP.

Milder option is going out in stages - go to clubs, including day clubs if there is any (like Sweet Wednesday in London).

Maybe you can start by changing at the site first and later, maybe try going home from the club fully dressed.

2nd Post was being Facetious.

And why do you presume I was being facetious. somebody who is going through the same situation as the op thinks my advice is a good idea "

Because you were don't backtrack now.

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford

"Ellie, a good place to go out for the first time is in a trans friendly place like the canal Street area in Manchester. Many start off there, I know I did, once you build confidence being on the streets there where people are not going to judge you then you can start to venture out a bit further. You'll be surprised how few people will take any notice of you, in fact many people are so friendly they will want to talk to you. At first that feels a bit bizarre because you don't want to "stand out" but you'll soon realise it's their way of just understanding what it means to be trans and people are generally very well meaning and encouraging.

Also if you have a counsellor speak to them about it too.

Finally, we live in the same town, if you ever want to pop round just for a chat I'd be there for you.

Good luck with it all, it's not easy but you'll develop confidence in time. You are already a lot braver than I was at your age

Lisa x "

That's a lovely and helpful response

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By *rotic-TouchTV/TS
over a year ago

doncaster

Also if you have a counsellor speak to them about it too.

Finally, we live in the same town, if you ever want to pop round just for a chat I'd be there for you.

Good luck with it all, it's not easy but you'll develop confidence in time. You are already a lot braver than I was at your age

Lisa x "
Ellie you could have found a true friend in Lisa , such a lovely supporting reply for here X

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By *hezuMan
over a year ago

London

Leave a note in everyones christmas presents

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By *rotic-TouchTV/TS
over a year ago

doncaster

"Leave a note in everyones christmas presents"
saying what ? ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm transgender, still yet to fully come out and be myself in public. Is there any way I can do it easier, I'd like some tips and stuff for being more confident.

Thanks,

Ellie xx"

You could also try LFF (Leeds First Friday). Everyone congregates at the Cosmopolitan hotel, so if you booked a room there you could change in your room and then go downstairs to the bar. You can then decide whether or not you feel comfortable venturing further.

The more you do it the easier it gets, and seriously, no one really cares anymore. I've lived, worked and played as a woman all over the country for years now and I've yet to have a truly negative experience.

Start with easy goals like a club trans night or Canal street, things like that, and gradually expand your horizons as your confidence grows. You'll be wandering around Tesco with a trolley in no time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ellie, i know how difficult it is to step outside as yourself. Just get ready, and take a walk around town or down the pier like i did 2 years ago. No one stared at me; i always dress like any other woman, and have not had any nasty comments when i was in Southport or Manchester. If your concerned about how people see you, try a couple of days staying at a gay owned hotel in Blackpool while you can walk around town without worrying. It comes down to baby steps; it really does get easy to do if you ignore what people think of you. If you can get to Manchester, there is a group 10 times a year at the LGBT FOUNDATION, called transmcr, on the 9th of November. Its 12pm till 5pm, and ill be there. You will be welcomed by the staff, and told about the talks that go on. Let me know what you think. Natalie

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By *isaB45Woman
over a year ago

Fabville

OP, I can offee you little in the way of practical help or advice, other than maybe take baby steps.

'Tis the season for warm winter woollies, so maybe venture out in some seasonal clothes at first, rather than club wear/ summer clothes etc, as you build your confidence?

I wish you well, and supportive hugs are on their way to you xx

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By *heIcebreakersCouple
over a year ago

Cramlington

"I'm transgender, still yet to fully come out and be myself in public. Is there any way I can do it easier, I'd like some tips and stuff for being more confident.

Thanks,

Ellie xx"

Having a good support network is vital. I don't know the Liverpool area well but there are a quite few trans support groups in the NW. They will be able to signpost you to good affirmative services and provide a space where you can talk about your fears.

I suggest googling, counsel ling might also help, it's not easy in the current climate being trans and a good lgbt counsellor can support you be yourself

Hugs and solidarity

Ms Icebreaker

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By *olly_chromaticTV/TS
over a year ago

Stockport

Hi Ellie, some good advice above (and just ignore the minority crass remarks). I would also suggest googling for transgender support organisations, there are several in the northwest. In Manchester there is TransMCR, there is also a group called Transforum. In north wales there is a group for young trans people called Viva. Probably others as well, I'm a couple of years out of touch with what's going on. These groups are all a bit different, try several if you need to until you find a place that feels good to you. Some of the groups are more about a friendly social atmosphere, some are more about personal and medical support.

My personal advice is to try to separate out the "everyday life" part of being trans from the "sex life" part. We do tend to mix them up and it can cause a lot of emotional confusion! Through trans social and support organisations you'll gradually find people who are simply friends, who happen to also be trans. Separately, through sites like fab and through swinging clubs, you may find people for sexual connections. There may even be overlaps. For some people being trans is all about sex, for some it's nothing to do with sex but all about personal gender. For most, it's a kind of rollercoaster confusing mixture lol.

Drop me a message any time Ellie, most of the other girls above have already said the same. Wishing you all the best, Polly xx

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By *ara JTV/TS
over a year ago

Bristol East

"I'm transgender, still yet to fully come out and be myself in public. Is there any way I can do it easier, I'd like some tips and stuff for being more confident.

Thanks,

Ellie xx"

The world can seem a daunting place when you take those first steps.

The reality is no-one gives much of a shit about anyone else - most people are too busy being consumed by their own anxieties and personal stresses.

Unless you give them cause to look in your direction, that is.

If your body language - if anyone's body language - comes over as weak and nervous, it draws unwelcome attention.

The opposite is also true.

For a long time, when I started going out, i was destined to fail.

That was because I believed I could be a woman.

You may be one of the very lucky ones who slides gracefully into a womanly look.

Most of us have to work very hard at it, and even then it is not enough.

So when I started, I could never break through that barrier because I had set myself an unrealistic and unachievable goal.

The penny dropped for me when I realised I could never be anyone else.

I could only ever be me. Everyone else is taken.

So I resolved to be the best "me" that I know.

Some things I can do something about and change. Other things I cannot.

Once I learned what they were, I became the most convincing "me" that I know.

That in turn gave me confidence, knowing I had made the best job I could with the hand I had been dealt.

No-one now can say anything to me that I do not already know myself. Before I was kidding myself.

Hope this helps.

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

I have no idea really of what this is like. But I do know life is to short not to be who you need to be. I wish you all that you need for your journey and whilst there will always be a few who are closed off there will be others that will embrace you for you. It's not easy being 'different' massive hats off and respect to you x

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

10/5 is really convincing...you look great x

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Dress in private, with supportive people around you. It's ok to take things slowly and your emotional responses are protective, so it's good that you respect them.

Take little steps that aren't potentially too overwhelming. You could list places you'd be willing to go to, in increments of bravery. Places such as desolate outdoors places, with just 1 or 2 people who you are comfortable with, through to places with more people there.

It's potentially useful to have people with you or close by, to help reassure you or come to assist, if you don't feel comfortable at any point. If they have cars, they could be nearby, so you have a retreat. You can pick spots where you are unknown, if that could help you more.

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By *ultry SuccubusTV/TS
over a year ago

London

"Being in the same situation, I guess the 2nd post is actually what you have to do OP.

Milder option is going out in stages - go to clubs, including day clubs if there is any (like Sweet Wednesday in London).

Maybe you can start by changing at the site first and later, maybe try going home from the club fully dressed.

2nd Post was being Facetious."

Well, I read that comment as how I take "go out and break a leg!" kind of statement (maybe it's due to my poor grasp of english).

But anyway, I think the thread should be more of the OP, rather than that particular statement.

I think the OP looks very pretty and shouldn't be worried. But as all confidence issues, it's about how one see oneself and that is very difficult to overcome.

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By *ara JTV/TS
over a year ago

Bristol East

" But I do know life is to short not to be who you need to be."

It's not a dress rehearsal

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I wanna thank you all for the support you are showing me and I wanna add a few things to make it clearer about my situation.

My family dont like me and dont let me go out the house too often, they are strict and dont really want me to be trans. I can barely travel cause I dont have a car. I dont earn enough to ever go out and meet people for drinks and the support groups only happen on days I work and I cant afford to take days off. I'm not allowed to be trans around the house but I do it in my bedroom as much as I can, also I'm not allowed anyone round. I work almost every day so I just dont have time.

All your advice is appreciated alot and im gonna try to do it, but with my limitations I dont think I will be able to.

Thank you all,

Ellie xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I wanna thank you all for the support you are showing me and I wanna add a few things to make it clearer about my situation.

All your advice is appreciated alot and im gonna try to do it, but with my limitations I dont think I will be able to.

Thank you all,

Ellie xx"

I'm really sorry about your situation Elle, but you really should try and remove yourself from such a controlling environment as soon as possible. Trans or not, living in such an environment is not good for your mental health.

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By *ara JTV/TS
over a year ago

Bristol East

"I wanna thank you all for the support you are showing me and I wanna add a few things to make it clearer about my situation.

All your advice is appreciated alot and im gonna try to do it, but with my limitations I dont think I will be able to.

Thank you all,

Ellie xx"

That's a lot on your shoulders at once. An awful lot.

My advice would be to break it down into chunks and prioritise what is most important to you.

If, for example, it is being yourself, and you are unable to be yourself in the environment currently you are in, the priority is to think about how you can change the environment.

That may mean putting the trans thing to one side, say, while you find ways to increase your income - new job, new qualification, whatever - that would allow you to become more independent.

I can imagine it must all feel pretty overwhelming, so try to unpick the different pieces, prioritise them and focus on changing one thing at a time.

Hope this helps.

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By *adame 2SwordsWoman
over a year ago

Victoria, London

Try the Beaumont Trust as they might be able to sign post you to local support groups

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

" But I do know life is to short not to be who you need to be.

It's not a dress rehearsal

That is good and true

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ellie, i agree with what Sara J has said. It is so difficult to be yourself like i also found when i came out to my mother in summer 2016. I moved from Bolton to homophobic Leigh (closer to amazon in Warrington), and am so out there that im able to say to anyone that doesn't like me, "go f##k yourself". Do what you can to be yourself; i got my ears pierced, then let my hair grow out. I got my clothes from charity shops, and i started wearing female jeans and blouses instead of male versions. If you make small changes like i did, it isn't as obvious to others that you are changing your clothes for the other gender. Take care Ellie

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford

Some lovely support and advice on here from very kind and thoughtful people, hope it helps you Ellie x

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By *ants cockWoman
over a year ago

lincoln

"I'm transgender, still yet to fully come out and be myself in public. Is there any way I can do it easier, I'd like some tips and stuff for being more confident.

Thanks,

Ellie xx"

My trans friends meet at a gay bar on a select evening. Specially for transgenders. Although anyone can attend. An another evening at another pub. It’s a lovely night. Really chilled. I’ve been many times supporting my friends. Maybe phone a few places around where you live see what’s about. Or support groups on social media . Hopefully help your confidence grow x

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