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"to be dumped by velvet pad and feathered quill ?" you mean a dear john? Does that still happen?..tell me bout it gran......tell me all your woes.... | |||
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"Velvet pad! Whats one of them? Never been in a secure unit myself. "No stoopid not padded cell .. Vellum.....nice soft velvet paper and not for your arse | |||
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"to be dumped by velvet pad and feathered quill ?" soft landing and a tickle at the end,it has possibilities | |||
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"to be dumped by velvet pad and feathered quill ?you mean a dear john? Does that still happen?..tell me bout it gran......tell me all your woes.... "Well ... it started in the days before mobile phones and texting ... you know? | |||
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"to be dumped by velvet pad and feathered quill ?you mean a dear john? Does that still happen?..tell me bout it gran......tell me all your woes....
Well ... it started in the days before mobile phones and texting ... you know?"I vaguely remember..please continue.... | |||
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"As long as it's not by smoke signals, semaphore, carrier pigeon, chinese whispers, sign language, morse code, or text, I suppose it'd be ok.." Pony Express ? | |||
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"to be dumped by velvet pad and feathered quill ?you mean a dear john? Does that still happen?..tell me bout it gran......tell me all your woes....
Well ... it started in the days before mobile phones and texting ... you know?I vaguely remember..please continue.... "Lovely Irish accent dear... Well ... he'd come round to mine every Sunday. Around scone time.... for tiffin and fingerings. | |||
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"to be dumped by velvet pad and feathered quill ?you mean a dear john? Does that still happen?..tell me bout it gran......tell me all your woes....
Well ... it started in the days before mobile phones and texting ... you know?I vaguely remember..please continue....
Lovely Irish accent dear... Well ... he'd come round to mine every Sunday. Around scone time.... for tiffin and fingerings."Oirish had tiffins? Bloody ell, did they have tea n cakes as well?  | |||
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"By the time you got that message you probably fooked off with someone else anyway "Not quite.... it was the postman | |||
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"to be dumped by velvet pad and feathered quill ?you mean a dear john? Does that still happen?..tell me bout it gran......tell me all your woes....
Well ... it started in the days before mobile phones and texting ... you know?I vaguely remember..please continue....
Lovely Irish accent dear... Well ... he'd come round to mine every Sunday. Around scone time.... for tiffin and fingerings.Oirish had tiffins? Bloody ell, did they have tea n cakes as well? "God's sake Get with it! YOU have the Isish accent..... you sounded just like Graham Norton ..... Like I said .... after tiffin his fingers were sticky and I loaned him a lacey doily to relieve himself of residue | |||
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"Velvet pad! Whats one of them? Never been in a secure unit myself.
No stoopid not padded cell ..
Vellum.....nice soft velvet paper and not for your arse"You dont use izal? | |||
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 you know what a sensitive soul I am and your embarassing me with all this talk of fingering  | |||
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"to be dumped by velvet pad and feathered quill ?you mean a dear john? Does that still happen?..tell me bout it gran......tell me all your woes....
Well ... it started in the days before mobile phones and texting ... you know?I vaguely remember..please continue....
Lovely Irish accent dear... Well ... he'd come round to mine every Sunday. Around scone time.... for tiffin and fingerings.Oirish had tiffins? Bloody ell, did they have tea n cakes as well?
God's sake Get with it! YOU have the Isish accent..... you sounded just like Graham Norton .....
Like I said .... after tiffin his fingers were sticky and I loaned him a lacey doily to relieve himself of residue"Oh cant i be Ardal O Hanlon instead, i dislike that Norton bloke | |||
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"Depends... is the rider wearing a hat?" She was dutch and we'd all seen her cap | |||
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"Velvet pad! Whats one of them? Never been in a secure unit myself.
No stoopid not padded cell ..
Vellum.....nice soft velvet paper and not for your arse
You dont use izal? "Is that an Asian Swinger ? | |||
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"oh Granny you know what a sensitive soul I am and your embarassing me with all this talk of fingering "It's all right dear it was only my arse. | |||
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"Velvet pad! Whats one of them? Never been in a secure unit myself.
No stoopid not padded cell ..
Vellum.....nice soft velvet paper and not for your arse
You dont use izal?
Is that an Asian Swinger ?"Its that greaseproof crap paper the older generation use. | |||
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"to be dumped by velvet pad and feathered quill ?you mean a dear john? Does that still happen?..tell me bout it gran......tell me all your woes....
Well ... it started in the days before mobile phones and texting ... you know?I vaguely remember..please continue....
Lovely Irish accent dear... Well ... he'd come round to mine every Sunday. Around scone time.... for tiffin and fingerings.Oirish had tiffins? Bloody ell, did they have tea n cakes as well?
God's sake Get with it! YOU have the Isish accent..... you sounded just like Graham Norton .....
Like I said .... after tiffin his fingers were sticky and I loaned him a lacey doily to relieve himself of residueOh cant i be Ardal O Hanlon instead, i dislike that Norton bloke "If you have to but Graham is funnier..... Anyway .... he took the doily with him and im afraid to say he thought he took my heart...... | |||
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"Velvet pad! Whats one of them? Never been in a secure unit myself.
No stoopid not padded cell ..
Vellum.....nice soft velvet paper and not for your arse
You dont use izal?
Is that an Asian Swinger ?
Its that greaseproof crap paper the older generation use. "There's only one poster oily enough to need greaseproof Ron ..... your last meet tells me you used sheep gut condoms........ quaint | |||
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"I think that to show romance and chivalry hasn't ebbed away into the midst of time and that letting someone down gently by crafting a heartfelt departure of friendship by using your caligraphy skills on such delicate parchment is a grand gesture. Only the other day I had to the very same thing to a delightful little female aquaintence. I think you'll find the following a little touching, imagine skillfully applied Olde English style hand written on the above mentioned parchment by Granny, it went thus... Dear Shrek Pack your shit, you're sacked you fat knacker, don't let the door slam on your fat arse on the way out! P.S. I want 2 quid fifty off you for that 2 for a fiver carvery I paid for so I could throw me leg over you after. P.P.S now fuck off back to the sewage farm cos they're missing a bag of shit!! Yours sincerely...." It's utterly charming. Did you put a stamp on the emberlope ? | |||
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"to be dumped by velvet pad and feathered quill ?" Are they brands of toilet roll? If they are it might seem a bit of a shitty thing to do or they may think it's a piss take and blow it off as you having a hot flush or you pulling their chain. So it's probably not the best way to let them know it's all gone down the pan. | |||
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"I think that to show romance and chivalry hasn't ebbed away into the midst of time and that letting someone down gently by crafting a heartfelt departure of friendship by using your caligraphy skills on such delicate parchment is a grand gesture. Only the other day I had to the very same thing to a delightful little female aquaintence. I think you'll find the following a little touching, imagine skillfully applied Olde English style hand written on the above mentioned parchment by Granny, it went thus... Dear Shrek Pack your shit, you're sacked you fat knacker, don't let the door slam on your fat arse on the way out! P.S. I want 2 quid fifty off you for that 2 for a fiver carvery I paid for so I could throw me leg over you after. P.P.S now fuck off back to the sewage farm cos they're missing a bag of shit!! Yours sincerely.... It's utterly charming. Did you put a stamp on the emberlope ?" Did I fuck as like, have you seen how much they are these days?!  | |||
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"I think that to show romance and chivalry hasn't ebbed away into the midst of time and that letting someone down gently by crafting a heartfelt departure of friendship by using your caligraphy skills on such delicate parchment is a grand gesture. Only the other day I had to the very same thing to a delightful little female aquaintence. I think you'll find the following a little touching, imagine skillfully applied Olde English style hand written on the above mentioned parchment by Granny, it went thus... Dear Shrek Pack your shit, you're sacked you fat knacker, don't let the door slam on your fat arse on the way out! P.S. I want 2 quid fifty off you for that 2 for a fiver carvery I paid for so I could throw me leg over you after. P.P.S now fuck off back to the sewage farm cos they're missing a bag of shit!! Yours sincerely.... It's utterly charming. Did you put a stamp on the emberlope ? Did I fuck as like, have you seen how much they are these days?! "60p Thereby proving my point that it's fucking fine to dump by text !! | |||
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"Come to think of it ......He was soft , strong and very very long ...." But what you actually said was that I was Soft in the head... Strong smelling and very Long winded...  | |||
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"to be dumped by velvet pad and feathered quill ?" What a Cad, he should send round the head butler. | |||
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