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Loosing erection when getting fucked

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By *aysol OP Couple
over a year ago

Swansea

Male speaking...So my gf has been experimenting with using a dildo up my ass and I'm quite new to getting fucked with a dildo (or a cock). It was all going really well until I lost my boner. I was still really enjoying it but my boner went down completely. Then, when i tried fucking her my boner came back, but after a bit she wanted to ride me and I lost my boner again. She seems to think that's because I dont enjoy it when she takes control, but i really do. I don't understand why my boner goes though and she really takes it as a personal failure despite me saying I really enjoyed it.

I dont know what to do now as she doesn't feel confident that she can make me cum or take over as this has happened a few times. Is this a normal thing? Is there something I can do to counter it? If just feels like when I'm focusing on my ass being fucked all those sensations take over and my dick goes limp because I'm focussed on my ass. Then once it goes limp its hard to bring it back. Any advice welcome!

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I think it's quite normal, I'm not sure of the exact physiological reasons behind it but I'm aware that it does happen. Erection and pleasure aren't the same thing, it may simply be because you're in a state of submission? I'm just spit balling there though.

I'm really at a loss here but if you watch bi porn or pegging porn, it's quite common there too.

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By *aysol OP Couple
over a year ago

Swansea

"I think it's quite normal, I'm not sure of the exact physiological reasons behind it but I'm aware that it does happen. Erection and pleasure aren't the same thing, it may simply be because you're in a state of submission? I'm just spit balling there though.

I'm really at a loss here but if you watch bi porn or pegging porn, it's quite common there too.

"

Good point about erections not being the same as pleasure because I sure was in a lot of pleasure. Thing is she looses confidence because she thinks she cant make me cum by being dominant and I only get hard again when I'm being dominant. Should it all be about making me cum though? I feel like I can have a lot of pleasure and enjoy it alot even if I dont cum but she cant get passed that...

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I think a bit more communication between the two of you is called for.

I absolutely understand what you're saying so maybe use the same words with her

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think it's quite normal, I'm not sure of the exact physiological reasons behind it but I'm aware that it does happen. Erection and pleasure aren't the same thing, it may simply be because you're in a state of submission? I'm just spit balling there though.

I'm really at a loss here but if you watch bi porn or pegging porn, it's quite common there too.

Good point about erections not being the same as pleasure because I sure was in a lot of pleasure. Thing is she looses confidence because she thinks she cant make me cum by being dominant and I only get hard again when I'm being dominant. Should it all be about making me cum though? I feel like I can have a lot of pleasure and enjoy it alot even if I dont cum but she cant get passed that..."

I can't remember exactly where I read it, but if you're having your prostate stimulated it can cause you to lose your erection, because you're not directly having your cock stimulated. It's just getting pleasure in a different way! Hope ye figure it out anyway OP

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By *aysol OP Couple
over a year ago

Swansea

"I think a bit more communication between the two of you is called for.

I absolutely understand what you're saying so maybe use the same words with her

"

I have but she seems really hung up on me loosing my erection, so I want to know is it normal, because if it is maybe she will understand more. Also is there something I can do to change it/ not loose my erection. Appart from viagra...

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I think a bit more communication between the two of you is called for.

I absolutely understand what you're saying so maybe use the same words with her

I have but she seems really hung up on me loosing my erection, so I want to know is it normal, because if it is maybe she will understand more. Also is there something I can do to change it/ not loose my erection. Appart from viagra..."
what

Can't help you there I'm afraid.

I just think (and this isn't a criticism of either of you) that if the situation was reversed and it was her who couldn't achieve something during sex people would suggest you work on it together or would accuse you of putting pressure on her. I can see how it's frustrating for you both but though and hope you find a solution.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I think it's quite normal, I'm not sure of the exact physiological reasons behind it but I'm aware that it does happen. Erection and pleasure aren't the same thing, it may simply be because you're in a state of submission? I'm just spit balling there though.

I'm really at a loss here but if you watch bi porn or pegging porn, it's quite common there too.

Good point about erections not being the same as pleasure because I sure was in a lot of pleasure. Thing is she looses confidence because she thinks she cant make me cum by being dominant and I only get hard again when I'm being dominant. Should it all be about making me cum though? I feel like I can have a lot of pleasure and enjoy it alot even if I dont cum but she cant get passed that...

I can't remember exactly where I read it, but if you're having your prostate stimulated it can cause you to lose your erection, because you're not directly having your cock stimulated. It's just getting pleasure in a different way! Hope ye figure it out anyway OP

"

I read that somewhere. Maybe it was on fab

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It could be that the dildo is restricting blood flow and return to your penis.

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By *lem-H-FandangoMan
over a year ago

salisbury

Ive gone soft while being fucked, still came though! I assume it's because i was getting pleasure from his cock on my prostate rather than any cock contact. I wasn't worried, i came like a girl, and i liked it!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think it's quite normal, I'm not sure of the exact physiological reasons behind it but I'm aware that it does happen. Erection and pleasure aren't the same thing, it may simply be because you're in a state of submission? I'm just spit balling there though.

I'm really at a loss here but if you watch bi porn or pegging porn, it's quite common there too.

Good point about erections not being the same as pleasure because I sure was in a lot of pleasure. Thing is she looses confidence because she thinks she cant make me cum by being dominant and I only get hard again when I'm being dominant. Should it all be about making me cum though? I feel like I can have a lot of pleasure and enjoy it alot even if I dont cum but she cant get passed that..."

I've heard of it before so it's not just you. If you're enjoying it surely that's all that matters.

Lots of women don't have orgasms when they meet, they still love all the feelings and enjoy it though. Being able to cum isn't necessarily the whole point of sex.

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By *adame 2SwordsWoman
over a year ago

Victoria, London

Quite normal, nothing to worry about

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tie a lolly pop stick round the shaft?

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

I watch a lot of gay porn and the fella getting shagged more often than not is soft. It usually perks up if he’s on his back and his cock is getting some tlc at the same time, but not always.

Just enjoy yourself and let your cock do it’s own thing.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

As long as you're enjoying yourself I wouldn't worry about it but if it bothers you you could play with yourself during?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it might be physiological. A kinky ex used to peg me. It often made me soft. even when v turned on.

If you've noticed, when you get hard, your asshole tightens. If something's stretching that hole, it's difficult to get hard at the same time. But maybe that's just the way my body worked when she was pegging me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's a very vulnerable position to be in, also you need to relax some of the same muscles that help you maintain an erection, to take something up your bum comfortably.

It's normal for me to lose mine when anyone starts playing with by bum. It's a different sensation and I cant express enough that no erection doesn't translate as not enjoying things.. of erectile dysfunction.

As you relax and begin to take things easier, you may be able to get to stage where you can tighten those muscles you loosened before, the erection may come back then, but I'd not worry if it doesn't.

Talk to her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have been fucked before, I love it and really,get into it, but I,am soft during it too. Sont reas too much onto it, go with the flow.

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By *aysol OP Couple
over a year ago

Swansea

Thanks everyone. Love you guys!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I found that without a lot of attention I go soft when my arse is being penetrated. Only happened with a dildo but I have to work hard to maintain the erection as the other sensations seem to take centre stage.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I watch a lot of gay porn and the fella getting shagged more often than not is soft. It usually perks up if he’s on his back and his cock is getting some tlc at the same time, but not always.

Just enjoy yourself and let your cock do it’s own thing.

"

This is what I was going to say.

It's seems pretty normal.

I know my cock is up and down like a frickin' yo-yo sometimes when I'm having bum fun. It hasn't bothered me or partners as far as I'm aware.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

The same aspects for a more general erectile dysfunction issue apply, that undue focus on having or maintaining an erection can be part of a vicious cycle, helping to perpetuate a problem. What may have had a physical origin, may become or sustain itself psychologically.

Sexual pleasure is obviously derived and experienced in many ways, which for men doesn't mean that he needs an erection. Erections result from engorgement with blood and anal use may also entail a greater volume of blood into the anal area. Whilst they are nearby, they're clearly distinct physiological functions and, to some degree, at odds with each other. Your body will prioritise what it understands is the priority for it to attend to, adjusting resources automatically. As you're newer to getting fucked, it's developed less experience of it, so is still learning.

Many of the ways that erectile dysfunction is better supported apply, even though what you experience isn't a medical condition. I'd recommend researching that, so you both could tailor your future approach. Potentially you could refrain from an expectation of penetrating her for some time, when you both do this, so you reduce emphasis on your cock. Slowly and progressively you will develop your body's own experience of getting fucked. She can increase her understanding of how it affects you, her enjoyment of it and presumably as you both relax more, her confidence can return and build. As others say, you will gain much from continuing to openly talking about it, as you have been doing.

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