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Damaged goods !

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

So I was chatting to a friend the other day and discussing online dating. He’s in a few sites, and isn’t looking for anything serious. I was telling him my experience of them when I first was looking before I met mr. Anyway he said women like me are considered damaged goods.

Apparently because I’ve been in an abusive relationship I need a man that’s going to be gentle and protective. I was rather aghast at his description and wondered if it’s how men really view us as to me it’s a very old fashioned view point. So men do you think this, and women have you had experience of this x

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

I can't imagine being anything but caring and gentle with a woman.

I don't even like spanking too hard in case I hurt her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Because of my awful past, which my brother in law new about before my husband did (we were friends before I met C when I was 14), my lovely brother in law told his family absolutely everything and told them all I was damaged goods, why should C be stuck with me etc etc.

You don’t need to tell anyone anything you don’t want to. ‘Damaged goods’ is an awful and shitty insult, it’s not who or what you are whatsoever x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

2nd hand equals good deals

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Because of my awful past, which my brother in law new about before my husband did (we were friends before I met C when I was 14), my lovely brother in law told his family absolutely everything and told them all I was damaged goods, why should C be stuck with me etc etc.

You don’t need to tell anyone anything you don’t want to. ‘Damaged goods’ is an awful and shitty insult, it’s not who or what you are whatsoever x"

And no - no decent, sensible man will think of you like that x

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

Wow, he sounds like one to avoid. What a charmer. Not.

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull


"So I was chatting to a friend the other day and discussing online dating. He’s in a few sites, and isn’t looking for anything serious. I was telling him my experience of them when I first was looking before I met mr. Anyway he said women like me are considered damaged goods.

Apparently because I’ve been in an abusive relationship I need a man that’s going to be gentle and protective. I was rather aghast at his description and wondered if it’s how men really view us as to me it’s a very old fashioned view point. So men do you think this, and women have you had experience of this x "

Women need what they NEED from a relationship and not what a man says they need

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Wow, he sounds like one to avoid. What a charmer. Not. "

I know, certainly changed my opinion of him x

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

Crikey that’s some statement. He doesn’t know you as well as he thinks he does

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I wouldnt tell anyone about my past to many people willing to take advantage if they think your vulnerable

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Its the same as i cant stand the word broken

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Crikey that’s some statement. He doesn’t know you as well as he thinks he does "

No not at all, I’m stronger than he realises. X

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Its the same as i cant stand the word broken"

Yes it’s all so negative, yet we are survivors x

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

That's an outrageous blanket statement to make. Some people (and all genders can experience abusive relationships) can have issues that affect their romantic relationships following abuse or even just a really difficult break up but it is unfair to say that everyone with those experiences does. A lot of divorcees certainly do but to describe all divorcees as damaged goods would seem rediculous.

Anyone who does have psychological problems that affect their romantic relationships isn't "damaged" though. Most can work through their problems either themselves over time or with the help of a professional.

I always find it weird that these attitudes seem to be mostly only applied to women when I've known many men to take exceptionally long times to fully process break ups, become incredibly closed off emotionally following relationship breakdowns or aalow their experiences to cause them to be incredibly jealous and possessive in future relationships and these things can be just as harmful as issues women may have from previous relationships.

Personally I've yet to meet anyone who hasn't been shaped in some way by an unhealthy relationship or relationship breakdown. We all have "baggage" because we're human beings and that is how we work.

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By *affron40Woman
over a year ago

manchester

What an awful thing to say!!! My experience of people who have been through awful things is that they’re the strongest, bravest souls I know.

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By *adame 2SwordsWoman
over a year ago

Victoria, London

not damaged but experienced and you would see it happening again and run.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think he sounds like a colossal twat full of immaturity. Everyone has baggage and history, there’s no specific man recipe needed just because of your history. It’s as narrow minded as thinking women with kids are used up already. I don’t think people choose based on history, if they do, that’s their baggage and no reflection on you. Everyone who wants a relationship with a man deserves a gentle kind man. - Mrs

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

Christ everyone has a past, if anyone said that in conversation with me they're be lucky if they didn't get a punch in the face!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What an awful thing to say!!! My experience of people who have been through awful things is that they’re the strongest, bravest souls I know. "

Agreed! Maybe men who think this don’t want a woman who’s strong enough to stand up to them. That doesn’t make them damaged. It’s such a demeaning comment! - Mrs

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

I really dislike that term.

Anyone who thinks that way is not my kind of people

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think people are viewed very harshly on dating sites. For lots of reasons a woman is wrongly seen as "damaged" "broken" " carrying too much baggage" it's wrong because it's superficial. However they use it as a filter I guess. In the same way that as a woman on the recieving end of such judgements will filter out the men using them x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"That's an outrageous blanket statement to make. Some people (and all genders can experience abusive relationships) can have issues that affect their romantic relationships following abuse or even just a really difficult break up but it is unfair to say that everyone with those experiences does. A lot of divorcees certainly do but to describe all divorcees as damaged goods would seem rediculous.

Anyone who does have psychological problems that affect their romantic relationships isn't "damaged" though. Most can work through their problems either themselves over time or with the help of a professional.

I always find it weird that these attitudes seem to be mostly only applied to women when I've known many men to take exceptionally long times to fully process break ups, become incredibly closed off emotionally following relationship breakdowns or aalow their experiences to cause them to be incredibly jealous and possessive in future relationships and these things can be just as harmful as issues women may have from previous relationships.

Personally I've yet to meet anyone who hasn't been shaped in some way by an unhealthy relationship or relationship breakdown. We all have "baggage" because we're human beings and that is how we work."

Exactly, our past affects our future. X

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"What an awful thing to say!!! My experience of people who have been through awful things is that they’re the strongest, bravest souls I know. "

Yes I agree x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"not damaged but experienced and you would see it happening again and run. "

Oh yes, never again for me x

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I dislike the term damaged, broken, fragile etc. I am not any of these things I am strong for enduring what I did and getting through the other side. These terms are used by people so often as an insult, and imo are used by some as a form of gaslighting.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think people are viewed very harshly on dating sites. For lots of reasons a woman is wrongly seen as "damaged" "broken" " carrying too much baggage" it's wrong because it's superficial. However they use it as a filter I guess. In the same way that as a woman on the recieving end of such judgements will filter out the men using them x"

I pity the next woman he chats up. Our friendship certainly isn’t the same now. I should have guessed though as he was a friend of the ex as well x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think people are viewed very harshly on dating sites. For lots of reasons a woman is wrongly seen as "damaged" "broken" " carrying too much baggage" it's wrong because it's superficial. However they use it as a filter I guess. In the same way that as a woman on the recieving end of such judgements will filter out the men using them x

I pity the next woman he chats up. Our friendship certainly isn’t the same now. I should have guessed though as he was a friend of the ex as well x "

Why would you even consider getting emotionally involved with him then?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is a terrible thing to say about a woman !!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think people are viewed very harshly on dating sites. For lots of reasons a woman is wrongly seen as "damaged" "broken" " carrying too much baggage" it's wrong because it's superficial. However they use it as a filter I guess. In the same way that as a woman on the recieving end of such judgements will filter out the men using them x"

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By *ittleMissCaliWoman
over a year ago

all loved up

To be fair its said a lot. I see myself as damaged goods and for that reason wont even consider a relationship. Because my hang ups and other things would make me hard work

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think people are viewed very harshly on dating sites. For lots of reasons a woman is wrongly seen as "damaged" "broken" " carrying too much baggage" it's wrong because it's superficial. However they use it as a filter I guess. In the same way that as a woman on the recieving end of such judgements will filter out the men using them x

I pity the next woman he chats up. Our friendship certainly isn’t the same now. I should have guessed though as he was a friend of the ex as well x

Why would you even consider getting emotionally involved with him then?"

No, and I wasn’t. We just bumped into each other and had a catch up on our lives. I’m with mr now but before I met him he knew I was in dating sites x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"To be fair its said a lot. I see myself as damaged goods and for that reason wont even consider a relationship. Because my hang ups and other things would make me hard work"

To me I don’t like to think like that as it reinforces everything my ex said to me. I know I’m worth loving, yes I’m hard work but I have a lot of love to share. X

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"To be fair its said a lot. I see myself as damaged goods and for that reason wont even consider a relationship. Because my hang ups and other things would make me hard work"

I used to feel like this and still have that issue tbh. But my relationship with Mr has changed a lot of this. My ex would call me damaged goods and that I was lucky he put up with me etc. I finally found the strength to leave that relationship. I did find Mr and yeah I have my pangs of insecurities etc but he helps me through them. Don't shut yourself off cause of whoever hurt you x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been called it before by a ex partner as there are certain things I'm wary of due to something that happened to me many years ago. I rarely explain now I just say I won't do it, it's easier that way

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By *ittleMissCaliWoman
over a year ago

all loved up


"To be fair its said a lot. I see myself as damaged goods and for that reason wont even consider a relationship. Because my hang ups and other things would make me hard work

To me I don’t like to think like that as it reinforces everything my ex said to me. I know I’m worth loving, yes I’m hard work but I have a lot of love to share. X "
I have my kids and my friends... just wont let a man in now

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By *ibblingnewtWoman
over a year ago

by the sea

Sounds like weak men that obviously wants an easy time with a woman, no one can satisfy people like that, they are always looking for a easy life with that means no work for them, any complications seen then a barrier comes down simply due to them being lazy and greedy,

They want the good life but are not willing to put in any work into a relationship and simply because a woman was in a abusive relationship (absolutely not her fault btw) shows quite an uncaring person that is to label them in such a horrible way.

I’d call that a very lucky miss for the woman

Women do this too, but it’s unrealistic if you are simply going to cast off people willy nilly you end up the one that misses out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Horrid entitled worldview. I wonder if he is as critical of your ex-partner.

I’ve been told before now that not many men will want me because I have young children. It’s flabbergasting what comes out of some people’s mouths.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sounds like weak men that obviously wants an easy time with a woman, no one can satisfy people like that, they are always looking for a easy life with that means no work for them, any complications seen then a barrier comes down simply due to them being lazy and greedy,

They want the good life but are not willing to put in any work into a relationship and simply because a woman was in a abusive relationship (absolutely not her fault btw) shows quite an uncaring person that is to label them in such a horrible way.

I’d call that a very lucky miss for the woman

Women do this too, but it’s unrealistic if you are simply going to cast off people willy nilly you end up the one that misses out "

I don't see it like this. I'm at a stage in life where I'm only really willing to enter into a relationship that's relatively straightforward and doesn't involve negotiating anyone's past

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I wouldnt tell anyone about my past to many people willing to take advantage if they think your vulnerable"

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Horrid entitled worldview. I wonder if he is as critical of your ex-partner.

I’ve been told before now that not many men will want me because I have young children. It’s flabbergasting what comes out of some people’s mouths."

No he wasn’t when he went, despite the circumstances. I have two young adults with disabilities, I was often told they were very sorry for me. Yes it always surprises me the things some men say x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"To be fair its said a lot. I see myself as damaged goods and for that reason wont even consider a relationship. Because my hang ups and other things would make me hard work

To me I don’t like to think like that as it reinforces everything my ex said to me. I know I’m worth loving, yes I’m hard work but I have a lot of love to share. X "

Why do you think you're hard work? Is that something your ex told you?

The man you mention in your OP isn't worth thinking about. I'd say he's being a dick because he's friends with your ex.

Everyone is 'damaged' in some way. No-one is perfect. Hope you didn't take what he said to heart. X

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"To be fair its said a lot. I see myself as damaged goods and for that reason wont even consider a relationship. Because my hang ups and other things would make me hard work

To me I don’t like to think like that as it reinforces everything my ex said to me. I know I’m worth loving, yes I’m hard work but I have a lot of love to share. X

Why do you think you're hard work? Is that something your ex told you?

The man you mention in your OP isn't worth thinking about. I'd say he's being a dick because he's friends with your ex.

Everyone is 'damaged' in some way. No-one is perfect. Hope you didn't take what he said to heart. X"

Yes, I’m needy he said. Oh he’s not someone I will go out of my way to speak to again. It did hurt me at first but I know myself better than that x

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"What an awful thing to say!!! My experience of people who have been through awful things is that they’re the strongest, bravest souls I know. "

Yes, and often the most compassionate.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

Anyone who refers to a woman as damaged goods is a cock. End of.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I spent a long time in a very verbally and physically abusive relationship. I don't tell guys anymore because so many judge you and use it as a weapon to bash you with. If they don't know they can't use it against me.

It's a horrible thing OP, but it makes me very strong and resilient and I am sure it has you too.

Sending you lots of big hugs x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

The sooner women stop being referred to as goods the better, damaged, second hand or perfect.

I've never heard a man described this way

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"The sooner women stop being referred to as goods the better, damaged, second hand or perfect.

I've never heard a man described this way"

Preach. Fucking preach.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I spent a long time in a very verbally and physically abusive relationship. I don't tell guys anymore because so many judge you and use it as a weapon to bash you with. If they don't know they can't use it against me.

It's a horrible thing OP, but it makes me very strong and resilient and I am sure it has you too.

Sending you lots of big hugs x"

You've just told everyone here

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I spent a long time in a very verbally and physically abusive relationship. I don't tell guys anymore because so many judge you and use it as a weapon to bash you with. If they don't know they can't use it against me.

It's a horrible thing OP, but it makes me very strong and resilient and I am sure it has you too.

Sending you lots of big hugs x"

Thank you, yes it has done x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"To be fair its said a lot. I see myself as damaged goods and for that reason wont even consider a relationship. Because my hang ups and other things would make me hard work

To me I don’t like to think like that as it reinforces everything my ex said to me. I know I’m worth loving, yes I’m hard work but I have a lot of love to share. X

Why do you think you're hard work? Is that something your ex told you?

The man you mention in your OP isn't worth thinking about. I'd say he's being a dick because he's friends with your ex.

Everyone is 'damaged' in some way. No-one is perfect. Hope you didn't take what he said to heart. X

Yes, I’m needy he said. Oh he’s not someone I will go out of my way to speak to again. It did hurt me at first but I know myself better than that x "

Your ex said you're needy? From what you've said on here before, your ex really isn't worth thinking about. Men say things like that to make you feel bad about 'needing' respect, kindness, caring. Those are things that normal people give freely.

Your ex would be saying you are needy because he's incapable of giving those things. I'm sure you will know what gaslighting is. Remember he is the problem, not you. X

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"To be fair its said a lot. I see myself as damaged goods and for that reason wont even consider a relationship. Because my hang ups and other things would make me hard work

To me I don’t like to think like that as it reinforces everything my ex said to me. I know I’m worth loving, yes I’m hard work but I have a lot of love to share. X

Why do you think you're hard work? Is that something your ex told you?

The man you mention in your OP isn't worth thinking about. I'd say he's being a dick because he's friends with your ex.

Everyone is 'damaged' in some way. No-one is perfect. Hope you didn't take what he said to heart. X

Yes, I’m needy he said. Oh he’s not someone I will go out of my way to speak to again. It did hurt me at first but I know myself better than that x

Your ex said you're needy? From what you've said on here before, your ex really isn't worth thinking about. Men say things like that to make you feel bad about 'needing' respect, kindness, caring. Those are things that normal people give freely.

Your ex would be saying you are needy because he's incapable of giving those things. I'm sure you will know what gaslighting is. Remember he is the problem, not you. X"

Truth.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"To be fair its said a lot. I see myself as damaged goods and for that reason wont even consider a relationship. Because my hang ups and other things would make me hard work

To me I don’t like to think like that as it reinforces everything my ex said to me. I know I’m worth loving, yes I’m hard work but I have a lot of love to share. X

Why do you think you're hard work? Is that something your ex told you?

The man you mention in your OP isn't worth thinking about. I'd say he's being a dick because he's friends with your ex.

Everyone is 'damaged' in some way. No-one is perfect. Hope you didn't take what he said to heart. X

Yes, I’m needy he said. Oh he’s not someone I will go out of my way to speak to again. It did hurt me at first but I know myself better than that x

Your ex said you're needy? From what you've said on here before, your ex really isn't worth thinking about. Men say things like that to make you feel bad about 'needing' respect, kindness, caring. Those are things that normal people give freely.

Your ex would be saying you are needy because he's incapable of giving those things. I'm sure you will know what gaslighting is. Remember he is the problem, not you. X"

I know that, most of the time I’m well aware that he’s the problem but when I have a bad day someone saying the wrong thing can make me doubt myself.

But I’ve given myself a good talking to, just thought it was an outdated term but seems to be used a lot x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"To be fair its said a lot. I see myself as damaged goods and for that reason wont even consider a relationship. Because my hang ups and other things would make me hard work

To me I don’t like to think like that as it reinforces everything my ex said to me. I know I’m worth loving, yes I’m hard work but I have a lot of love to share. X

Why do you think you're hard work? Is that something your ex told you?

The man you mention in your OP isn't worth thinking about. I'd say he's being a dick because he's friends with your ex.

Everyone is 'damaged' in some way. No-one is perfect. Hope you didn't take what he said to heart. X

Yes, I’m needy he said. Oh he’s not someone I will go out of my way to speak to again. It did hurt me at first but I know myself better than that x

Your ex said you're needy? From what you've said on here before, your ex really isn't worth thinking about. Men say things like that to make you feel bad about 'needing' respect, kindness, caring. Those are things that normal people give freely.

Your ex would be saying you are needy because he's incapable of giving those things. I'm sure you will know what gaslighting is. Remember he is the problem, not you. X

I know that, most of the time I’m well aware that he’s the problem but when I have a bad day someone saying the wrong thing can make me doubt myself.

But I’ve given myself a good talking to, just thought it was an outdated term but seems to be used a lot x "

I understand. Please don't think I'm telling you off because I'm not.

Everyone has bad days.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"To be fair its said a lot. I see myself as damaged goods and for that reason wont even consider a relationship. Because my hang ups and other things would make me hard work

To me I don’t like to think like that as it reinforces everything my ex said to me. I know I’m worth loving, yes I’m hard work but I have a lot of love to share. X

Why do you think you're hard work? Is that something your ex told you?

The man you mention in your OP isn't worth thinking about. I'd say he's being a dick because he's friends with your ex.

Everyone is 'damaged' in some way. No-one is perfect. Hope you didn't take what he said to heart. X

Yes, I’m needy he said. Oh he’s not someone I will go out of my way to speak to again. It did hurt me at first but I know myself better than that x

Your ex said you're needy? From what you've said on here before, your ex really isn't worth thinking about. Men say things like that to make you feel bad about 'needing' respect, kindness, caring. Those are things that normal people give freely.

Your ex would be saying you are needy because he's incapable of giving those things. I'm sure you will know what gaslighting is. Remember he is the problem, not you. X

I know that, most of the time I’m well aware that he’s the problem but when I have a bad day someone saying the wrong thing can make me doubt myself.

But I’ve given myself a good talking to, just thought it was an outdated term but seems to be used a lot x "

It is still used a lot unfortunately and different versions of it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"To be fair its said a lot. I see myself as damaged goods and for that reason wont even consider a relationship. Because my hang ups and other things would make me hard work

To me I don’t like to think like that as it reinforces everything my ex said to me. I know I’m worth loving, yes I’m hard work but I have a lot of love to share. X

Why do you think you're hard work? Is that something your ex told you?

The man you mention in your OP isn't worth thinking about. I'd say he's being a dick because he's friends with your ex.

Everyone is 'damaged' in some way. No-one is perfect. Hope you didn't take what he said to heart. X

Yes, I’m needy he said. Oh he’s not someone I will go out of my way to speak to again. It did hurt me at first but I know myself better than that x

Your ex said you're needy? From what you've said on here before, your ex really isn't worth thinking about. Men say things like that to make you feel bad about 'needing' respect, kindness, caring. Those are things that normal people give freely.

Your ex would be saying you are needy because he's incapable of giving those things. I'm sure you will know what gaslighting is. Remember he is the problem, not you. X

I know that, most of the time I’m well aware that he’s the problem but when I have a bad day someone saying the wrong thing can make me doubt myself.

But I’ve given myself a good talking to, just thought it was an outdated term but seems to be used a lot x

I understand. Please don't think I'm telling you off because I'm not.

Everyone has bad days. "

I know you’re not, and thanks x

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I don't see what's bad about needing emotional intimacy in an emotionally intimate relationship. Why people turn that around on us I'll never know. You negotiate and find a middle ground, help support one another. Including with the frailties you may have.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I don't see what's bad about needing emotional intimacy in an emotionally intimate relationship. Why people turn that around on us I'll never know. You negotiate and find a middle ground, help support one another. Including with the frailties you may have. "

I think that's what a lot of people fail to understand and possibly why relationships don't last. There is nobody on this earth who isn't vulnerable and emotionally fragile in some way.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"I don't see what's bad about needing emotional intimacy in an emotionally intimate relationship. Why people turn that around on us I'll never know. You negotiate and find a middle ground, help support one another. Including with the frailties you may have.

I think that's what a lot of people fail to understand and possibly why relationships don't last. There is nobody on this earth who isn't vulnerable and emotionally fragile in some way."

Yes. And to me entering into a relationship means signing up for all, or almost all of that (there are of course limits, but in a committed relationship they should be pretty high).

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I don't see what's bad about needing emotional intimacy in an emotionally intimate relationship. Why people turn that around on us I'll never know. You negotiate and find a middle ground, help support one another. Including with the frailties you may have. "

Yes, that’s very true. He is a narcissist so everything was about him. I got blamed for the lack of sex in our marriage, but he didn’t even kiss me for over 10 years and was very selfish. I didn’t want that type of non intimacy in a relationship x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I don't see what's bad about needing emotional intimacy in an emotionally intimate relationship. Why people turn that around on us I'll never know. You negotiate and find a middle ground, help support one another. Including with the frailties you may have.

I think that's what a lot of people fail to understand and possibly why relationships don't last. There is nobody on this earth who isn't vulnerable and emotionally fragile in some way.

Yes. And to me entering into a relationship means signing up for all, or almost all of that (there are of course limits, but in a committed relationship they should be pretty high)."
,

I think that if a person is very fragile emotionally then it's as well for both people if they're absolutely honest about how much support and understanding is needed and can be given before either commits. I know there are certain things I would struggle to support a person with and that wouldn't be fair to them

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By *eoeclipseWoman
over a year ago

glasgow

To imply that a person/woman is "damaged goods" tells me that they view a person/woman as a possession.

Old fashioned views indeed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So I was chatting to a friend the other day and discussing online dating. He’s in a few sites, and isn’t looking for anything serious. I was telling him my experience of them when I first was looking before I met mr. Anyway he said women like me are considered damaged goods.

Apparently because I’ve been in an abusive relationship I need a man that’s going to be gentle and protective. I was rather aghast at his description and wondered if it’s how men really view us as to me it’s a very old fashioned view point. So men do you think this, and women have you had experience of this x "

Sounds to me like he's trying to set himself up as the next man to try and control you. Putting you down like that is verging on abusive. You are weak and he is strong. No, you are smart and he is an ass.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 20/10/19 14:25:55]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You’re not “ damaged”, how offensive !

You’re strong, able to pick yourself up, move on and re build your entire life. I wonder if he could do the same ?

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"I don't see what's bad about needing emotional intimacy in an emotionally intimate relationship. Why people turn that around on us I'll never know. You negotiate and find a middle ground, help support one another. Including with the frailties you may have.

I think that's what a lot of people fail to understand and possibly why relationships don't last. There is nobody on this earth who isn't vulnerable and emotionally fragile in some way.

Yes. And to me entering into a relationship means signing up for all, or almost all of that (there are of course limits, but in a committed relationship they should be pretty high).,

I think that if a person is very fragile emotionally then it's as well for both people if they're absolutely honest about how much support and understanding is needed and can be given before either commits. I know there are certain things I would struggle to support a person with and that wouldn't be fair to them"

Oh I agree. I have been that fragile and I have my moments still. But I negotiate that whenever it becomes apparent and do the work myself to minimise it.

I've sustained damage, it leaves me with scars, but I've also developed coping mechanisms.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire


"I spent a long time in a very verbally and physically abusive relationship. I don't tell guys anymore because so many judge you and use it as a weapon to bash you with. If they don't know they can't use it against me.

It's a horrible thing OP, but it makes me very strong and resilient and I am sure it has you too.

Sending you lots of big hugs x

You've just told everyone here

The difference is, I no longer care if I'm judged. Ignorant people can think and say what they want "
i couldnt actually give a shit what they say about me as i managed to get an amazing man that treats me like a princess

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By *iss SJWoman
over a year ago

Hull

I’ll admit that I have certain issues, I reckon anyone my age who’s single probably has got several based on life experiences etc. That’s only natural but it’s personal and private and no one knows the full ins and outs of it.

If someone, especially someone who barely knows me, called me damaged goods though , I’d damage their goods. ( insert middle finger emoji)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"So I was chatting to a friend the other day and discussing online dating. He’s in a few sites, and isn’t looking for anything serious. I was telling him my experience of them when I first was looking before I met mr. Anyway he said women like me are considered damaged goods.

Apparently because I’ve been in an abusive relationship I need a man that’s going to be gentle and protective. I was rather aghast at his description and wondered if it’s how men really view us as to me it’s a very old fashioned view point. So men do you think this, and women have you had experience of this x

Sounds to me like he's trying to set himself up as the next man to try and control you. Putting you down like that is verging on abusive. You are weak and he is strong. No, you are smart and he is an ass."

He’s got no chance. X

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I don't see what's bad about needing emotional intimacy in an emotionally intimate relationship. Why people turn that around on us I'll never know. You negotiate and find a middle ground, help support one another. Including with the frailties you may have.

I think that's what a lot of people fail to understand and possibly why relationships don't last. There is nobody on this earth who isn't vulnerable and emotionally fragile in some way.

Yes. And to me entering into a relationship means signing up for all, or almost all of that (there are of course limits, but in a committed relationship they should be pretty high).,

I think that if a person is very fragile emotionally then it's as well for both people if they're absolutely honest about how much support and understanding is needed and can be given before either commits. I know there are certain things I would struggle to support a person with and that wouldn't be fair to them

Oh I agree. I have been that fragile and I have my moments still. But I negotiate that whenever it becomes apparent and do the work myself to minimise it.

I've sustained damage, it leaves me with scars, but I've also developed coping mechanisms. "

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By *egasus NobMan
over a year ago

Merton

Surely he is entitled to his opinion he might not have said it the right way, but would you rather he lie.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Surely he is entitled to his opinion he might not have said it the right way, but would you rather he lie."

Oh yes I support his right to an opinion. I’m just glad I’m not the one getting involved with him x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This guy's your friend?

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry


" treats me like a princess"

Do you mean marry you off for a political or religious alliance or be followed by paparazzi and tabloids discussing everything you do or say?

OP We are all products of environment and experiences, there's no denying that. But if someone views another person as damaged goods, that tells you more about them than you'll ever want to know. I'm proud of my scars, that is when I proved my worth.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"This guy's your friend? "

Well I use that term loosely. He’s not any longer x

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By *azzle36Woman
over a year ago

Lancaster

I've been told in the past that I'm emotionally damaged and that no guy would want me as his own cos I'm not gf material!!

It use to bother me and did define how I was as a person for quite a few years and I kept falling for the same old type of guy who wanted to fuck me but not be seen out in public with me...

I dont think it's fair that just cos a woman is missing treated by a guy and has a hard time re adjusting to a new relationship and trusting someone new that they should be classed as any type of damaged...

Nowadays as much as I'd love to meet the 1 and I know I deserve to it will take a v special guy to win me over and for now I'm loving myself for every inch of the sexy sassy woman I've become and I'm having fun on my terms and loving it...

We all have baggage too... but that's life.. shite happens and if a guy was like that to me now I'd remove them from my life as dont need the negativity and they dont deserve to have you in their life..

Every woman is gorgeous sexy and sassy.. xx

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By *nderIwonder.Man
over a year ago

2nd City

Yawwwwwwn

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I've been told in the past that I'm emotionally damaged and that no guy would want me as his own cos I'm not gf material!!

It use to bother me and did define how I was as a person for quite a few years and I kept falling for the same old type of guy who wanted to fuck me but not be seen out in public with me...

I dont think it's fair that just cos a woman is missing treated by a guy and has a hard time re adjusting to a new relationship and trusting someone new that they should be classed as any type of damaged...

Nowadays as much as I'd love to meet the 1 and I know I deserve to it will take a v special guy to win me over and for now I'm loving myself for every inch of the sexy sassy woman I've become and I'm having fun on my terms and loving it...

We all have baggage too... but that's life.. shite happens and if a guy was like that to me now I'd remove them from my life as dont need the negativity and they dont deserve to have you in their life..

Every woman is gorgeous sexy and sassy.. xx"

Good for you, and yes we are x

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By *iss SJWoman
over a year ago

Hull

[Removed by poster at 20/10/19 19:07:15]

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By *untimes6969Man
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne


"I don't see what's bad about needing emotional intimacy in an emotionally intimate relationship. Why people turn that around on us I'll never know. You negotiate and find a middle ground, help support one another. Including with the frailties you may have.

I think that's what a lot of people fail to understand and possibly why relationships don't last. There is nobody on this earth who isn't vulnerable and emotionally fragile in some way.

Yes. And to me entering into a relationship means signing up for all, or almost all of that (there are of course limits, but in a committed relationship they should be pretty high).,

I think that if a person is very fragile emotionally then it's as well for both people if they're absolutely honest about how much support and understanding is needed and can be given before either commits. I know there are certain things I would struggle to support a person with and that wouldn't be fair to them

Oh I agree. I have been that fragile and I have my moments still. But I negotiate that whenever it becomes apparent and do the work myself to minimise it.

I've sustained damage, it leaves me with scars, but I've also developed coping mechanisms.

"

Maybe think it of it from another perspective! Some people will never be emotionally involved or only partly, due to personality or experience - some don't care! Most people will have experiences across the whole spectrum, good and bad and will learn to deal with real life as they get older. Anyone describing their friend as damaged goods is a fool, it's a phrase that is used but people should really think before they speak!!

The key is to learn from the experience, use wisdom to know how to deal with it in the future, whether that's that's avoiding it completely or managing it!

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"I don't see what's bad about needing emotional intimacy in an emotionally intimate relationship. Why people turn that around on us I'll never know. You negotiate and find a middle ground, help support one another. Including with the frailties you may have.

I think that's what a lot of people fail to understand and possibly why relationships don't last. There is nobody on this earth who isn't vulnerable and emotionally fragile in some way.

Yes. And to me entering into a relationship means signing up for all, or almost all of that (there are of course limits, but in a committed relationship they should be pretty high).,

I think that if a person is very fragile emotionally then it's as well for both people if they're absolutely honest about how much support and understanding is needed and can be given before either commits. I know there are certain things I would struggle to support a person with and that wouldn't be fair to them

Oh I agree. I have been that fragile and I have my moments still. But I negotiate that whenever it becomes apparent and do the work myself to minimise it.

I've sustained damage, it leaves me with scars, but I've also developed coping mechanisms.

Maybe think it of it from another perspective! Some people will never be emotionally involved or only partly, due to personality or experience - some don't care! Most people will have experiences across the whole spectrum, good and bad and will learn to deal with real life as they get older. Anyone describing their friend as damaged goods is a fool, it's a phrase that is used but people should really think before they speak!!

The key is to learn from the experience, use wisdom to know how to deal with it in the future, whether that's that's avoiding it completely or managing it!"

I think if you're in a relationship and you're not prepared to be emotionally involved, then you shouldn't be.

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