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"God this resonates so much.. when I was dangerously poorly I employed a close friend to come around Monday to Friday to post orders that I couldn’t leave the house to do.. I told myself that I was helping her make some much needed money for Christmas.. but it was more needing to know that somebody would show up every morning and therefore regardless of how bad I felt I had to get up. We both kind of knew.. but it was only after I turned a corner that I was able to thank her. " I'm glad there was someone there for you and that you recognised you needed that. The piece resonated with me too. She writes about abuse but I thought this section had a wider reach. | |||
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""In all those years of steeling myself against heartbreak, I missed the most important lesson: I convinced myself that I had stopped needing help, but the truth was that I had stopped needing help from those who were unwilling to give it to me. I needed help. Lots of it. We all do. And as I was lecturing people about how I didn't need anything from anyone, all the people around me were holding me up. But I'd forgotten that people who love you let you lean on them without you noticing. When someone doesn't pull away as you come near them, there is no free-fall." The Paradox of Dependence, Lucia Osborne-Crowley Is there someone there that has prevented your free-fall? Did you recognise it at the time? " I love you lickety! 
Yes, I'm a very lucky man, I have someone who didn't just stop me falling but she pushed me up to new heights I never knew existed  | |||
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"God this resonates so much.. when I was dangerously poorly I employed a close friend to come around Monday to Friday to post orders that I couldn’t leave the house to do.. I told myself that I was helping her make some much needed money for Christmas.. but it was more needing to know that somebody would show up every morning and therefore regardless of how bad I felt I had to get up. We both kind of knew.. but it was only after I turned a corner that I was able to thank her. I'm glad there was someone there for you and that you recognised you needed that. The piece resonated with me too. She writes about abuse but I thought this section had a wider reach. " It really has.. whether we are willing to admit it or not at the time we all need someone to lean on.. | |||
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""In all those years of steeling myself against heartbreak, I missed the most important lesson: I convinced myself that I had stopped needing help, but the truth was that I had stopped needing help from those who were unwilling to give it to me. I needed help. Lots of it. We all do. And as I was lecturing people about how I didn't need anything from anyone, all the people around me were holding me up. But I'd forgotten that people who love you let you lean on them without you noticing. When someone doesn't pull away as you come near them, there is no free-fall." The Paradox of Dependence, Lucia Osborne-Crowley Is there someone there that has prevented your free-fall? Did you recognise it at the time? I love you lickety!
Yes, I'm a very lucky man, I have someone who didn't just stop me falling but she pushed me up to new heights I never knew existed "That is fortunate and finding that there is an 'up' that is better than you expected is such a good feeling. | |||
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"God this resonates so much." Same here, in a similar way too. I have staff that do various things for me, but a huge part of what they do is make me feel alive and needed, at least to a point. I do tell them how much I appreciate that part of them. Also my best friends do this, and I for them | |||
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"God this resonates so much.. when I was dangerously poorly I employed a close friend to come around Monday to Friday to post orders that I couldn’t leave the house to do.. I told myself that I was helping her make some much needed money for Christmas.. but it was more needing to know that somebody would show up every morning and therefore regardless of how bad I felt I had to get up. We both kind of knew.. but it was only after I turned a corner that I was able to thank her. I'm glad there was someone there for you and that you recognised you needed that. The piece resonated with me too. She writes about abuse but I thought this section had a wider reach. It really has.. whether we are willing to admit it or not at the time we all need someone to lean on.. " I think the challenge is allowing it. We can be our own worst enemies. | |||
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"God this resonates so much. Same here, in a similar way too. I have staff that do various things for me, but a huge part of what they do is make me feel alive and needed, at least to a point. I do tell them how much I appreciate that part of them. Also my best friends do this, and I for them "Recognising it and thanking people for what they do it so important.  | |||
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"And Lickety herself has kept me going at times, I hope she knows how much I've appreciated that "Thank you.  | |||
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"And Lickety herself has kept me going at times, I hope she knows how much I've appreciated that
Thank you. "I have mentioned it before haven't I  | |||
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"And Lickety herself has kept me going at times, I hope she knows how much I've appreciated that
Thank you.
I have mentioned it before haven't I "Probably, but I really haven't done anything. I have seen how much you do for others on here. There's a reason so many single men adore you. | |||
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"God this resonates so much.. when I was dangerously poorly I employed a close friend to come around Monday to Friday to post orders that I couldn’t leave the house to do.. I told myself that I was helping her make some much needed money for Christmas.. but it was more needing to know that somebody would show up every morning and therefore regardless of how bad I felt I had to get up. We both kind of knew.. but it was only after I turned a corner that I was able to thank her. I'm glad there was someone there for you and that you recognised you needed that. The piece resonated with me too. She writes about abuse but I thought this section had a wider reach. It really has.. whether we are willing to admit it or not at the time we all need someone to lean on.. I think the challenge is allowing it. We can be our own worst enemies. " Very much so.. across the board it’s still clear not enough people reach out and accept help when they need it. If more did maybe more lives would be saved. It’s the one part I still think about a lot.. what changes to allow someone to accept that help... having been through it I still struggle with what changed things.. | |||
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"I will have to look this book up, thank you OP "It's from a blog. She has written a book as well. | |||
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"Probably, but I really haven't done anything. I have seen how much you do for others on here. There's a reason so many single men adore you. " They do | |||
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"across the board it’s still clear not enough people reach out and accept help when they need it. " This is so true, those that have been through something know there is no shame in seeking help, even professionally. But many fear that they'll be labelled something and think they can fight life all alone  | |||
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"across the board it’s still clear not enough people reach out and accept help when they need it. This is so true, those that have been through something know there is no shame in seeking help, even professionally. But many fear that they'll be labelled something and think they can fight life all alone "But we know this from the other side.. what changes to allow someone in is the bit I can’t work out.. | |||
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" The piece resonated with me too. She writes about abuse but I thought this section had a wider reach. It really has.. whether we are willing to admit it or not at the time we all need someone to lean on.. I think the challenge is allowing it. We can be our own worst enemies. Very much so.. across the board it’s still clear not enough people reach out and accept help when they need it. If more did maybe more lives would be saved. It’s the one part I still think about a lot.. what changes to allow someone to accept that help... having been through it I still struggle with what changed things.. " Sometimes it's just timing that allows you to drop your guard in front the right person. Sometimes it's that person manages to find a way to reach you. Sadly, sometimes, neither happens in time. | |||
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"Sometimes it's just timing that allows you to drop your guard in front the right person. Sometimes it's that person manages to find a way to reach you. Sadly, sometimes, neither happens in time. " Very true, sometimes it all falls apart and you sort of lose the will to fight. And if the right person is there then it can begin | |||
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"I need you Lickety in Transgirl's "I want to share a meal with" thread "That wasn't quite the neediness I was thinking about with this thread. | |||
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"I need you Lickety in Transgirl's "I want to share a meal with" thread "So you do  | |||
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"I need you Lickety in Transgirl's "I want to share a meal with" thread
That wasn't quite the neediness I was thinking about with this thread.
"Ooops | |||
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"I need you Lickety in Transgirl's "I want to share a meal with" thread
That wasn't quite the neediness I was thinking about with this thread.
Ooops "SORRY, I didn't mean that sound rude. I meant that this thread was about dependence, allowing vulnerability and accepting help. I will look at the other thread. | |||
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"SORRY, I didn't mean that sound rude. I meant that this thread was about dependence, allowing vulnerability and accepting help. I will look at the other thread. "I did wonder | |||
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"I think another side to this is when someone finds that you stop them falling. And then they expect it all the time. As if they give the responsibility for their sanity to you. And they remain helpless because they don't need to make as much effort as is really needed." There is Chinese saying that when you save someone's life you are responsible for them. I have this with two people. It's not that they haven't moved on, they have in many ways, but I feel unable to ignore the call when it comes. It can be tiring. | |||
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"Ailsa, my wife. It’s not a story I would put on a public forum, but I can write this post now because she saved my life." Thanks for sharing. | |||
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"And what if nobody has your back... " I think the point of the piece is that we all probably have someone, but we might not recognise it at the time. If there truly is no one then we will fall. On the other hand, if we are there for someone else then I think that can help prevent a fall too. | |||
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"And Lickety herself has kept me going at times, I hope she knows how much I've appreciated that
Thank you. " | |||
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"We're human and it's human to have needs, including needing others to be there for us. I have been fortunate to have a mum who has been a great strength for me, when I've struggled with many things in life. There's too much emphasis and pressure for people to be tough and to battle alone. Wisdom lets us know that we can lean on others and be generous with our care and love when people are in need " I think we have turned 'need' into a negative. If we replace the fact it's emotional with, say, blood or oxygen then need is understood. I'm very needy about oxygen. | |||
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"This is an odd one. Ive always had my mum shes been my rock my backbone the eveey breath i take. Ive also the most amazing supportive friends but as far as men are concerned pffft never needed no man to rely on ever. Until jay came along and now im unrecognisable to the person i was 15 years ago. It wasnt about having a guard it was finding the right man" If you didn't have the support from your mother and friends do you think you could see how the strength of relationship with a man might become the go to option? If we don't learn that strength and security early then it's easy to feel the societal acceptance of needing/relying on a partner. It's especially easy to fall into in those early heady days of lust. | |||
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"This is an odd one. Ive always had my mum shes been my rock my backbone the eveey breath i take. Ive also the most amazing supportive friends but as far as men are concerned pffft never needed no man to rely on ever. Until jay came along and now im unrecognisable to the person i was 15 years ago. It wasnt about having a guard it was finding the right man If you didn't have the support from your mother and friends do you think you could see how the strength of relationship with a man might become the go to option? If we don't learn that strength and security early then it's easy to feel the societal acceptance of needing/relying on a partner. It's especially easy to fall into in those early heady days of lust. " yes i can see it. we all need someone and now i have jay and his support i couldnt imagine living without it | |||
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"This is an odd one. Ive always had my mum shes been my rock my backbone the eveey breath i take. Ive also the most amazing supportive friends but as far as men are concerned pffft never needed no man to rely on ever. Until jay came along and now im unrecognisable to the person i was 15 years ago. It wasnt about having a guard it was finding the right man If you didn't have the support from your mother and friends do you think you could see how the strength of relationship with a man might become the go to option? If we don't learn that strength and security early then it's easy to feel the societal acceptance of needing/relying on a partner. It's especially easy to fall into in those early heady days of lust. yes i can see it. we all need someone and now i have jay and his support i couldnt imagine living without it" Seeing the pair of you together, and knowing your story, it is clear you are devoted to each and that he is your support. We're not all so fortunate. | |||
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"This is an odd one. Ive always had my mum shes been my rock my backbone the eveey breath i take. Ive also the most amazing supportive friends but as far as men are concerned pffft never needed no man to rely on ever. Until jay came along and now im unrecognisable to the person i was 15 years ago. It wasnt about having a guard it was finding the right man If you didn't have the support from your mother and friends do you think you could see how the strength of relationship with a man might become the go to option? If we don't learn that strength and security early then it's easy to feel the societal acceptance of needing/relying on a partner. It's especially easy to fall into in those early heady days of lust. yes i can see it. we all need someone and now i have jay and his support i couldnt imagine living without it Seeing the pair of you together, and knowing your story, it is clear you are devoted to each and that he is your support. We're not all so fortunate. " Thankyou lickety i do wish everyone could meet their perfect match. | |||
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"And what if nobody has your back... " Then it may be time for professional help. | |||
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"Thankyou lickety i do wish everyone could meet their perfect match." May all your wishes come true | |||
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"I love this post. Thanks for it. Mr Cagey held me up through many things, I hope ( think) I’ve done the same. But I had a friend who would show up and make tea and help me with my work when I was not physically well, and another who would help with school runs, and others who would send a message, drop off a latte, or join me for lunch at work. I felt so alone but never was. I’m a very lucky person. I don’t accept help graciously or Well. I am stubbornly independent to a fault. Nowadays i accept that my walls being down and reaching out actually makes me happier so I try to keep myself open. I’m also a lot healthier - Mrs "We think of the walls as protection but they can keep the good out too. It's good to read that people managed to breach your defences and that you accepted the help you needed. | |||
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"Lean on me, when you're not strong And I'll be your friend I'll help you carry on For it won't be long 'Til I'm gonna need Somebody to lean on Wise words and a great song" | |||
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