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Not being racist but...

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By *ntrepid Explorers OP   Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham

Not sure this will go down well, but here goes...

If you have "no blacks and asians" or similar in your profile, can I suggest you take a few minutes to think about those words, and possibly remove them?

There's a BIG difference between having a preference for who you will and won't meet and broadcasting that preference to the world. Please please please don't confuse these two things. It's not about changing what you want, just how you manage it.

If you don't want to meet those people, then just delete their message, or give a polite no thank you. I can only imagine how miserable it must be to read again and again that you aren't worthy of talking to another member here because of the colour of your skin. I originally wrote "told" instead of "read" there but... they aren't being told, you're not even willing to communicate with them at the same level.

Saying "no offence, lol xx" doesn't stop it being offensive.

Your efficiency, your simple, harmless message, is racist, even if you don't think it is. You're not the one reading it.

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By *hrisAndKatieCouple
over a year ago

stevenage

I think the issue is (without being racist) asian guys tend to be way more pushy - so by having no asians etc it clearly spells it out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't care what colour they are,but I draw the line if they are called Sharon or julie

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think the issue is (without being racist) asian guys tend to be way more pushy - so by having no asians etc it clearly spells it out "

Not only was that not being racist but it's not making stereotypes either.

Let me guess, without being anti Semitic your a big supporter of Jeremy Corbyn too.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *hrisAndKatieCouple
over a year ago

stevenage


"I think the issue is (without being racist) asian guys tend to be way more pushy - so by having no asians etc it clearly spells it out

Not only was that not being racist but it's not making stereotypes either.

Let me guess, without being anti Semitic your a big supporter of Jeremy Corbyn too."

It's just from our experience of messages on here - so chill out

And sorry who's Jeremy Corbyn as dont do politics

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ssex_tomMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford

This thread subject is repetitive even by my standards...

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By *ylvie 888Woman
over a year ago

Cleethorpes

Sits back with a coffee.... feet up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't care what colour they are,but I draw the line if they are called Sharon or julie"

LOL!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think the issue is (without being racist) asian guys tend to be way more pushy - so by having no asians etc it clearly spells it out

Not only was that not being racist but it's not making stereotypes either.

Let me guess, without being anti Semitic your a big supporter of Jeremy Corbyn too.

It's just from our experience of messages on here - so chill out

And sorry who's Jeremy Corbyn as dont do politics "

He's the scruffy twat who needs a wash

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ntrepid Explorers OP   Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham


"This thread subject is repetitive even by my standards...

"
Yet people still have these unpleasant thing in their profiles... why isn't it changing?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *hrisAndKatieCouple
over a year ago

stevenage


"I think the issue is (without being racist) asian guys tend to be way more pushy - so by having no asians etc it clearly spells it out

Not only was that not being racist but it's not making stereotypes either.

Let me guess, without being anti Semitic your a big supporter of Jeremy Corbyn too.

It's just from our experience of messages on here - so chill out

And sorry who's Jeremy Corbyn as dont do politics

He's the scruffy twat who needs a wash"

Think we may have passed him in the tube yesterday asking for spare change in that case

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree with your post to a certain extent. We all have preferences but surely it’s just common sense to not specify certain things. I know what I like or don’t like, some of my preferences are probably seen as some sort of an “ist” or an “ism”. It’s not hard to just say no thankyou without going into why. Anyone with a profile which states no specific colour, culture etc would be an instant delete for me anyway as I don’t see a need for it to be said personally.

Having said that, stating no blacks/Asians is no different to me as stating BBC only or black men only. Racism, if you choose to call it that although I don’t, works all ways not just one.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think the issue is (without being racist) asian guys tend to be way more pushy - so by having no asians etc it clearly spells it out

Not only was that not being racist but it's not making stereotypes either.

Let me guess, without being anti Semitic your a big supporter of Jeremy Corbyn too.

It's just from our experience of messages on here - so chill out

And sorry who's Jeremy Corbyn as dont do politics "

Who said he was a politician? Rumbled

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

These threads never end well. I sympathise, OP, I do.

All you can do is put your money where your mouth is. I don't meet people I have reason to believe are bigots, even though they're not bigoted towards me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think the issue is (without being racist) asian guys tend to be way more pushy - so by having no asians etc it clearly spells it out

Not only was that not being racist but it's not making stereotypes either.

Let me guess, without being anti Semitic your a big supporter of Jeremy Corbyn too.

It's just from our experience of messages on here - so chill out

And sorry who's Jeremy Corbyn as dont do politics

He's the scruffy twat who needs a wash

Think we may have passed him in the tube yesterday asking for spare change in that case "

But he's backing the postel workers so he's ok(still needs a wash)

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *hrisAndKatieCouple
over a year ago

stevenage


"I think the issue is (without being racist) asian guys tend to be way more pushy - so by having no asians etc it clearly spells it out

Not only was that not being racist but it's not making stereotypes either.

Let me guess, without being anti Semitic your a big supporter of Jeremy Corbyn too.

It's just from our experience of messages on here - so chill out

And sorry who's Jeremy Corbyn as dont do politics

Who said he was a politician? Rumbled "

I assumed he was by the phrase *supporter*

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I agree with your post to a certain extent. We all have preferences but surely it’s just common sense to not specify certain things. I know what I like or don’t like, some of my preferences are probably seen as some sort of an “ist” or an “ism”. It’s not hard to just say no thankyou without going into why. Anyone with a profile which states no specific colour, culture etc would be an instant delete for me anyway as I don’t see a need for it to be said personally.

Having said that, stating no blacks/Asians is no different to me as stating BBC only or black men only. Racism, if you choose to call it that although I don’t, works all ways not just one. "

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The world has gone to the point of being snowflakes, its hard to see the wood from the trees.

Monday i was disgusted to see the chants watching the match. someone said "if they paid me 100k a week id put up with it"

Some couples are, some singles are doesn't matter on race, religion or sex.

If they want it on the profile so be it, i'm not going to lose sleep on it.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ntrepid Explorers OP   Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham


"Having said that, stating no blacks/Asians is no different to me as stating BBC only or black men only. Racism, if you choose to call it that although I don’t, works all ways not just one. "

There are lots of subtleties around these things. My immediate reaction is that it's *not* the same, although i can't really describe why. Well... the BBC side of things at least, I guess that's more than *merely* race..?

It's interesting how in swinging you're much more up against the realities of these issues than just saying all this stuff in theory though.

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By *ntrepid Explorers OP   Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham


"The world has gone to the point of being snowflakes, its hard to see the wood from the trees.

Monday i was disgusted to see the chants watching the match. someone said "if they paid me 100k a week id put up with it"

Some couples are, some singles are doesn't matter on race, religion or sex.

If they want it on the profile so be it, i'm not going to lose sleep on it.

"

These sound like the words of someone not affected by it ever?

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By *ablo minibar123Woman
over a year ago

.


"I think the issue is (without being racist) asian guys tend to be way more pushy - so by having no asians etc it clearly spells it out

Not only was that not being racist but it's not making stereotypes either.

Let me guess, without being anti Semitic your a big supporter of Jeremy Corbyn too.

It's just from our experience of messages on here - so chill out

And sorry who's Jeremy Corbyn as dont do politics

He's the scruffy twat who needs a wash"

I thought that was Liam Gallagher

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No i dont care whos offended

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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago

Hillside desolate

I absolutely agree with you, I find it completely ignorant. But the last time I said that a lot of very vexed racists messaged me, so we'll see how this one goes

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think the issue is (without being racist) asian guys tend to be way more pushy - so by having no asians etc it clearly spells it out

Not only was that not being racist but it's not making stereotypes either.

Let me guess, without being anti Semitic your a big supporter of Jeremy Corbyn too.

It's just from our experience of messages on here - so chill out

And sorry who's Jeremy Corbyn as dont do politics

He's the scruffy twat who needs a wash

I thought that was Liam Gallagher"

Yeah, he's a scruffy loud mouth twat

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *tella HeelsTV/TS
over a year ago

west here ford shire


"Not sure this will go down well, but here goes...

If you have "no blacks and asians" or similar in your profile, can I suggest you take a few minutes to think about those words, and possibly remove them?

There's a BIG difference between having a preference for who you will and won't meet and broadcasting that preference to the world. Please please please don't confuse these two things. It's not about changing what you want, just how you manage it.

If you don't want to meet those people, then just delete their message, or give a polite no thank you. I can only imagine how miserable it must be to read again and again that you aren't worthy of talking to another member here because of the colour of your skin. I originally wrote "told" instead of "read" there but... they aren't being told, you're not even willing to communicate with them at the same level.

Saying "no offence, lol xx" doesn't stop it being offensive.

Your efficiency, your simple, harmless message, is racist, even if you don't think it is. You're not the one reading it."

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just to digress, did you know South Korea has the most plastic surgery done in a year, than any other country!! Apparently its mostly the eyes they have done to make them more 'westernised'.... OK, carry on

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By *ntrepid Explorers OP   Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham


"I absolutely agree with you, I find it completely ignorant. But the last time I said that a lot of very vexed racists messaged me, so we'll see how this one goes "

It's nto going as bad as I thought! I asked on reddit earlier, and it's pretty unanimous agreement over there! Can't imagine why? :D

Fun being called a stupid names for caring about other people? Will nature make a man of me yet?

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By *ssex_tomMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford


"The world has gone to the point of being snowflakes, its hard to see the wood from the trees.

Monday i was disgusted to see the chants watching the match. someone said "if they paid me 100k a week id put up with it"

Some couples are, some singles are doesn't matter on race, religion or sex.

If they want it on the profile so be it, i'm not going to lose sleep on it.

These sound like the words of someone not affected by it ever?"

It's one thing to be offended and it's another to be offended every five minutes on someone else's behalf.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The world has gone to the point of being snowflakes, its hard to see the wood from the trees.

Monday i was disgusted to see the chants watching the match. someone said "if they paid me 100k a week id put up with it"

Some couples are, some singles are doesn't matter on race, religion or sex.

If they want it on the profile so be it, i'm not going to lose sleep on it.

These sound like the words of someone not affected by it ever?"

There it is... there's the "you're white so you've never experienced racism" post.

I'm white. And have most definitely experienced racism. Being scottish, I've also experienced xenophobia.

Everyone is entitled to an opinion and preference regardless of colour or creed.

I have never slept with a person who's skin colour is different from mine.

Does that make me racist?

P.S.

I'm putting the kettle on.... this'll be good

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I absolutely agree with you, I find it completely ignorant. But the last time I said that a lot of very vexed racists messaged me, so we'll see how this one goes

It's nto going as bad as I thought! I asked on reddit earlier, and it's pretty unanimous agreement over there! Can't imagine why? :D

Fun being called a stupid names for caring about other people? Will nature make a man of me yet?"

I'm going to wake up a woman on Friday, but on Saturday I will revert back to a man, it's easily done nowadays

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago

Hillside desolate


"The world has gone to the point of being snowflakes, its hard to see the wood from the trees.

Monday i was disgusted to see the chants watching the match. someone said "if they paid me 100k a week id put up with it"

Some couples are, some singles are doesn't matter on race, religion or sex.

If they want it on the profile so be it, i'm not going to lose sleep on it.

These sound like the words of someone not affected by it ever?

There it is... there's the "you're white so you've never experienced racism" post.

I'm white. And have most definitely experienced racism. Being scottish, I've also experienced xenophobia.

Everyone is entitled to an opinion and preference regardless of colour or creed.

I have never slept with a person who's skin colour is different from mine.

Does that make me racist?

P.S.

I'm putting the kettle on.... this'll be good"

I don't think that's what was said at all, it was in reply to one specific poster, who's race isn't immediately apparent from their profile

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *hetalkingstoveMan
over a year ago

London

I agree entirely.

Unfortunately this topic always receives a lot of 'it's just preference!' replies, as if something being a preference means it's automatically morally neutral somehow.

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By *hetalkingstoveMan
over a year ago

London


"

I have never slept with a person who's skin colour is different from mine.

Does that make me racist?

"

C'mon now. That's a totally dishonest spin on what's been said.

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry


"Sits back with a coffee.... feet up."

I'm more like a Wimbledon spectator with my family sized popcorn bucket.

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By *ntrepid Explorers OP   Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham


"There it is... there's the "you're white so you've never experienced racism" post."

No, it's a question. One that you've taken to an extreme I didn't type. But identifying a common point, doesn't somehow work as a valid counter argument to it.


"Everyone is entitled to an opinion and preference regardless of colour or creed."

Quite right. I'm concerned about how that is expressed, not the preference in itself. I think I made that very clear, and pleaded for it not to be taken as such.


"I have never slept with a person who's skin colour is different from mine.

Does that make me racist?"

Nope, not in itself.

Was that good enough for you?

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By *ntrepid Explorers OP   Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham


"

I have never slept with a person who's skin colour is different from mine.

Does that make me racist?

C'mon now. That's a totally dishonest spin on what's been said."

People read what they want to read, even if I very clearly covered that conflation... ho hum.

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By *izzymonkeyMan
over a year ago

Hiding In A Bush

It is no different to when people write....and there are plenty of profiles on here that state this....

BBC ONLY or BLACK/MIXED GUYS ONLY....

...sure It by your context its the same...surely that is a racist comment in itself??? Is it not??

I don't take offence to these kind of profiles, I simply turn around and don't message their profile...

I just see it as a preference, some people don't find some people attractive...and some people only find certain specific people attractive....lets not make a big deal of it and make it in to something it isn't....

We all are allowed to have our own personal choice of what we do and don't like.....

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 17/10/19 11:11:48]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There it is... there's the "you're white so you've never experienced racism" post.

No, it's a question. One that you've taken to an extreme I didn't type. But identifying a common point, doesn't somehow work as a valid counter argument to it.

Everyone is entitled to an opinion and preference regardless of colour or creed.

Quite right. I'm concerned about how that is expressed, not the preference in itself. I think I made that very clear, and pleaded for it not to be taken as such.

I have never slept with a person who's skin colour is different from mine.

Does that make me racist?

Nope, not in itself.

Was that good enough for you?"

Spot on and clarified like a grown up.

Perhaps I jumped the gun a little.

Apologies.

I've seen so many posts on here regarding this issue that I've maybe jumped in with 2 feet very early.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was called white trash a lot when i lived in a certain area for a while, and yes at 1st it affected me but after a while i thought "fuck em"

I judge a person on that person not the race, ethnicity or religion, if they treat me with respect i am the same.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There it is... there's the "you're white so you've never experienced racism" post.

No, it's a question. One that you've taken to an extreme I didn't type. But identifying a common point, doesn't somehow work as a valid counter argument to it.

Everyone is entitled to an opinion and preference regardless of colour or creed.

Quite right. I'm concerned about how that is expressed, not the preference in itself. I think I made that very clear, and pleaded for it not to be taken as such.

I have never slept with a person who's skin colour is different from mine.

Does that make me racist?

Nope, not in itself.

Was that good enough for you?

Spot on and clarified like a grown up.

Perhaps I jumped the gun a little.

Apologies.

I've seen so many posts on here regarding this issue that I've maybe jumped in with 2 feet very early.

"

So have I but this is slightly different. I actually agree with what he/she is saying (not sure

Which one is posting here) there is no need to specify certain things on profiles. I’m sure many will disagree but that’s my opinion on it.

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By *he MickMan
over a year ago

southside


"I agree with your post to a certain extent. We all have preferences but surely it’s just common sense to not specify certain things. I know what I like or don’t like, some of my preferences are probably seen as some sort of an “ist” or an “ism”. It’s not hard to just say no thankyou without going into why. Anyone with a profile which states no specific colour, culture etc would be an instant delete for me anyway as I don’t see a need for it to be said personally.

Having said that, stating no blacks/Asians is no different to me as stating BBC only or black men only. Racism, if you choose to call it that although I don’t, works all ways not just one. "

I totally agree , it does work both ways , yet when a profile states bbc , he don't have a load of Caucasian guys screaming racism

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan
over a year ago

Sussex


"I agree with your post to a certain extent. We all have preferences but surely it’s just common sense to not specify certain things. I know what I like or don’t like, some of my preferences are probably seen as some sort of an “ist” or an “ism”. It’s not hard to just say no thankyou without going into why. Anyone with a profile which states no specific colour, culture etc would be an instant delete for me anyway as I don’t see a need for it to be said personally.

Having said that, stating no blacks/Asians is no different to me as stating BBC only or black men only. Racism, if you choose to call it that although I don’t, works all ways not just one. "

hear hear.

There are plenty of profiles on here which state "no bi/ curious", "only vwe" or "must be taller than 6ft". If you can see that you don't fit the bill then you're wasting time and effort clogging up mailbox with messages that won't get the hoped for response.

For lots of people Fabs is somewhere to express and act out sexual fantasies. Agreed, expressing sexual (partner) preferences in negative terms may not be the best way.

We're all free, consenting adults, if reading a profile makes you queasy then move away from it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ah, didn't take long for the whataboutism to arrive.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I see your point OP, I do. I also think that there are an awful lot of grey areas hiding behind the word 'preference'. Trying to unpick them requires a degree of willingness and self awareness that many don't care to indulge in.

As others have stated; the request for BBC goes hand in hand with the 'no blacks or asians', in my opinion. The fetishising of any specific assumed trait is very much the same as stereotyping a specific social or cultural type.

Whether that hides behind sexual preferences or a slightly darker motive is only for the individual to know.

On face value, it may appear racist, whether it is, that still hasn't been decided as grey areas abound regarding who or what were attracted to

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By *assing Fancies xCouple
over a year ago

Sherwood Forest

Only the same as putting "BBC only" I don't think most white guys would get offended by that as its just personal preference. I've read profiles that say "only slim and athletic" average people don't get offended, or "6ft and over" I don't think short people get offended. I genuinely think that reading a profile that is specifically identifying what a person is looking for is a good thing rather than having to ignore a message and leaving the other person wondering why

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Interact with your black brothers and sisters at every opportunity. Only then can you really appreciate what a dick you've been for ever avoiding them.

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By *ntrepid Explorers OP   Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham


"I totally agree , it does work both ways , yet when a profile states bbc , he don't have a load of Caucasian guys screaming racism "

No, they don't AFAIK, but then they don't have a potential life full of it, day in day out. I absolutely believe "reverse" racism / sexism is not only possible, but also very much not "reverse" in any way. However the "sides" here are not equal. It's not an intelligent position to merely flip the argument over.

Every annual National Womens Day a load of fucking morons moan on Twitter "When's national mens day?!?!?!?". And other people (e.g. Comedian Richard Herring) spend the whole day telling them that it's on November 19th and raise huge amounts of money for charity along the way. But these people moaning don't care about mens rights, they have no inherent need or experience that they need to. They're just being dicks.

And the same for racism, the sides are not even. it's not a level playing field, so whilst all forms of negative discrimination is shitty, some are more shitty than others.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Interact with your black brothers and sisters at every opportunity. Only then can you really appreciate what a dick you've been for ever avoiding them."

or u was right to avoid some

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By *ssex_tomMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford


"I see your point OP, I do. I also think that there are an awful lot of grey areas hiding behind the word 'preference'. Trying to unpick them requires a degree of willingness and self awareness that many don't care to indulge in.

As others have stated; the request for BBC goes hand in hand with the 'no blacks or asians', in my opinion. The fetishising of any specific assumed trait is very much the same as stereotyping a specific social or cultural type.

Whether that hides behind sexual preferences or a slightly darker motive is only for the individual to know.

On face value, it may appear racist, whether it is, that still hasn't been decided as grey areas abound regarding who or what were attracted to"

BBC goes hand in hand?

I like your thinking..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't like the fact you have put "no racists" on your profile. Youre not even willing to communicate it to me

and putting 'just not our thing, sorry. xx' doesn't make it less offensive

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By *lbinoGorillaMan
over a year ago

Redditch


" And sorry who's Jeremy Corbyn as dont do politics "

And these people are allowed to vote.... *facepalm*

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So true! It’s much easier to just engage with who you prefer to engage than cause diliberate offence on your profile. I actually think people

Find more enjoyment pointing out who they would rather not meet than talk about what they actually enjoy themselves. The whole ego driven “This is who I sleep

With and you’re not one of them” is pretty gross

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By *ntrepid Explorers OP   Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham


"Only the same as putting "BBC only" I don't think most white guys would get offended by that as its just personal preference. I've read profiles that say "only slim and athletic" average people don't get offended, or "6ft and over" I don't think short people get offended. I genuinely think that reading a profile that is specifically identifying what a person is looking for is a good thing rather than having to ignore a message and leaving the other person wondering why "

IF it's the same (I honestly don't know, I feel there's a difference, related to fetish somehow) then does that make it OK? I don't see that loop being closed by a statement like that.

It's useful to know what people want, sure, but when you get told time and again that through no fault of your own your told you're unwelcome... that's unpleasant. And when it's done on grounds of race, that's racism. That's what the word means.

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By *ssex_tomMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford


"Only the same as putting "BBC only" I don't think most white guys would get offended by that as its just personal preference. I've read profiles that say "only slim and athletic" average people don't get offended, or "6ft and over" I don't think short people get offended. I genuinely think that reading a profile that is specifically identifying what a person is looking for is a good thing rather than having to ignore a message and leaving the other person wondering why

IF it's the same (I honestly don't know, I feel there's a difference, related to fetish somehow) then does that make it OK? I don't see that loop being closed by a statement like that.

It's useful to know what people want, sure, but when you get told time and again that through no fault of your own your told you're unwelcome... that's unpleasant. And when it's done on grounds of race, that's racism. That's what the word means."

And when it's done on grounds of preference that's what it means...

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By *aomilatteCouple
over a year ago

Midlands


"Not sure this will go down well, but here goes...

If you have "no blacks and asians" or similar in your profile, can I suggest you take a few minutes to think about those words, and possibly remove them?

There's a BIG difference between having a preference for who you will and won't meet and broadcasting that preference to the world. Please please please don't confuse these two things. It's not about changing what you want, just how you manage it.

If you don't want to meet those people, then just delete their message, or give a polite no thank you. I can only imagine how miserable it must be to read again and again that you aren't worthy of talking to another member here because of the colour of your skin. I originally wrote "told" instead of "read" there but... they aren't being told, you're not even willing to communicate with them at the same level.

Saying "no offence, lol xx" doesn't stop it being offensive.

Your efficiency, your simple, harmless message, is racist, even if you don't think it is. You're not the one reading it."
Well said Just don’t reply to people who aren’t your type. No reply is a polite “no thanks”.

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By *ntrepid Explorers OP   Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham


"I don't like the fact you have put "no racists" on your profile. Youre not even willing to communicate it to me

and putting 'just not our thing, sorry. xx' doesn't make it less offensive"

Oh, so this is you happily stating you are racist? Is that a power move? Some clever reverse psychology to get us into bed?

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By *occerstar579Man
over a year ago

Harrogate


"I think the issue is (without being racist) asian guys tend to be way more pushy - so by having no asians etc it clearly spells it out

Not only was that not being racist but it's not making stereotypes either.

Let me guess, without being anti Semitic your a big supporter of Jeremy Corbyn too.

It's just from our experience of messages on here - so chill out

And sorry who's Jeremy Corbyn as dont do politics "

He plays for Man united

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's getting to the point now where white people darnt state their preferences in their profile, as not to 'offend', if I didn't want to meet black women I would put it in my profile, if anybody didn't like it they can kiss my honky ass, however........ And this is a big however, I actually prefer oriental women to any other creed or colour

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Only the same as putting "BBC only" I don't think most white guys would get offended by that as its just personal preference. I've read profiles that say "only slim and athletic" average people don't get offended, or "6ft and over" I don't think short people get offended. I genuinely think that reading a profile that is specifically identifying what a person is looking for is a good thing rather than having to ignore a message and leaving the other person wondering why

IF it's the same (I honestly don't know, I feel there's a difference, related to fetish somehow) then does that make it OK? I don't see that loop being closed by a statement like that.

It's useful to know what people want, sure, but when you get told time and again that through no fault of your own your told you're unwelcome... that's unpleasant. And when it's done on grounds of race, that's racism. That's what the word means."

In a work or any other environment yes I totally agree with you. In a “who I’m sexually attracted to and who I will give my body to” environment then no I don’t agree that it is. I get where you’re coming from but would I sleep with a 20 stone hairy heavily tattooed man? No I wouldn’t. Would I not give him a job purely because of that? Of course not. It’s irrelevant.

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By *ay4realstr8TV/TS
over a year ago

hoyland

Oh my god! Did I actually just read this? Piss off! People can put what the hell they like, it isn’t god damn racist!!! Thats whats soo foooooking wrong with England today too much political correctness. Geez ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Oh my god! Did I actually just read this? Piss off! People can put what the hell they like, it isn’t god damn racist!!! Thats whats soo foooooking wrong with England today too much political correctness. Geez ... "

The voice of reason

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't like the fact you have put "no racists" on your profile. Youre not even willing to communicate it to me

and putting 'just not our thing, sorry. xx' doesn't make it less offensive

Oh, so this is you happily stating you are racist? Is that a power move? Some clever reverse psychology to get us into bed?"

Yes did it work? No? Damn it.

But on a serious note, I am mixed race and it doesn't hasn't bothered me one bit about people stating their race preference.

Seems to be something only white people don't like

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm offended that people are being offended by offensive offender's.

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By *ntrepid Explorers OP   Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham


"And when it's done on grounds of preference that's what it means...

"

No, it's racist to promote that generalisation as it's based on racial differences. You will agree that it IS based on racial differences, right? That's not to say it's implicitly racist, but the words are right there.

Personally I can't imagine how someone can have preferences without it being heavily influenced by negative votes of those people in general, i.e. racism. But I don't have that preference to compare my views on race to.

Either way though, your "meaning" means nothing to the person reading what you write. Think about them, not you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Only the same as putting "BBC only" I don't think most white guys would get offended by that as its just personal preference. I've read profiles that say "only slim and athletic" average people don't get offended, or "6ft and over" I don't think short people get offended. I genuinely think that reading a profile that is specifically identifying what a person is looking for is a good thing rather than having to ignore a message and leaving the other person wondering why

IF it's the same (I honestly don't know, I feel there's a difference, related to fetish somehow) then does that make it OK? I don't see that loop being closed by a statement like that.

It's useful to know what people want, sure, but when you get told time and again that through no fault of your own your told you're unwelcome... that's unpleasant. And when it's done on grounds of race, that's racism. That's what the word means."

I understand you're point, but you then cannot tell someone to meet them based on that person's race.

Personal preference is just that. If they want to display the preferences, both for and against, that's up to them.

It doesn't make them racist. It just means they have a particular type they are looking.

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By *arlomaleMan
over a year ago

darlington

can’t people just put what they are and aren’t looking for without out being labelled?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So if you as an individual are not attracted to people of a certain race, is that racist? Or just not what you are attracted to?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I expect single guys get fed up seeing 'not looking for single guys'.

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By *ssex_tomMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford

OP. You state no racists on your profile.

What is racist to you may not be considered racist to another.. it's your profile, your choice and your bodies..

Please have empathy for those who do not share your rigid definition. After all, there is black, there is white but also shades of grey..

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By *ntrepid Explorers OP   Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham


"I don't like the fact you have put "no racists" on your profile. Youre not even willing to communicate it to me

and putting 'just not our thing, sorry. xx' doesn't make it less offensive

Oh, so this is you happily stating you are racist? Is that a power move? Some clever reverse psychology to get us into bed?

Yes did it work? No? Damn it.

But on a serious note, I am mixed race and it doesn't hasn't bothered me one bit about people stating their race preference.

Seems to be something only white people don't like"

Well all individuals have the right to their own position... it'd be pretty racist of me to suggest otherwise! I know too many women who don't give a flying one about sexual equality, and would rather just buy a nice new lipstick. It's disappointing to me, but absolutely their freedom to choose.

Like with the match in Bulgaria this week though, radio shows I've heard, the intelligent way out of it is not to say that the black players should have walked off if they were offended, but they ALL should have, as it should be personally offensive to every individual, whether they are the target of it or not. I'm offended increasingly as it offends ME, no matter who it's aimed at.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I expect single guys get fed up seeing 'not looking for single guys'.

"

Thats sexist!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't see how simply expressing a preference can be seen as racist. Are we also going to be accused of agism, heightism, sizism etc.

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By *ntrepid Explorers OP   Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham


"I expect single guys get fed up seeing 'not looking for single guys'.

"
Absolutely, WTF do people put that in there? Why don't they just block messages from them? Am I missing something on that one?

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By *herrySnickersWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere


"I don't care what colour they are,but I draw the line if they are called Sharon or julie"

Love this!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If a guy says he doesn't want to meet women over the age of 45, I simply won't message him and I'll block him to stop me wasting my time in future. I dont instantly get offended and demand he change his preferences to appease my fragile ego.

What I can't understand is why the feelings of certain groups are more important than others??

Why is it OK to specify the age, weight, height, distance, smoker/non smoker etc on your profile but you're not allowed to say the if you prefer a certain colour??

It's using the race card for the sake of it! So why not just block and move on and accept some people don't want to meet you which they're more than entitled to do. As long as they don't use an outright abusive or racist term, just leave them to it!

Stop trying to dictate how people should write their profile just because you're excluded.

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By *ilsaGeorgeCouple
over a year ago

kent

Another really interesting forum.

Of course it's racist, IF it's taken out of context.

But a preference isn't racism. No more so than saying no hairy guys, or short guys, or prefer muscles, or only seeking VWE black cock.

Like so much in life, context matters.

The wording could certainly be more sensitive, but what is really being said is this: 'I don't find people of colour sexually attractive'.

This is a very different statement to: 'I don't like people of colour'.

Having a sexual preference is not racism. Being rather blunt about how you express that preference is also not racism. Insensitive yes, but not racist.

Some people today seem to be very quick at taking offence. Some people also don't express themselves in the most diplomatic ways. Some people also seem to be oblivious to the context of a situation. Add these together and you end up with the fiery stew of reactionary offence and argument that seems to dominate social media. It's exhausting, and often unnecessary.

Kind of ironic that in the so called communication age, so much trouble is caused because people just aren't very good at communicating.

But hey-ho... lets just have an orgasm and be happy.

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By *he devil wears pradaWoman
over a year ago

gosport ish


"I expect single guys get fed up seeing 'not looking for single guys'.

Absolutely, WTF do people put that in there? Why don't they just block messages from them? Am I missing something on that one?"
because people can put what the hell they want on their own profiles, it’s great that Fab let’s us

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By *ntrepid Explorers OP   Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham


"OP. You state no racists on your profile.

What is racist to you may not be considered racist to another.. it's your profile, your choice and your bodies..

Please have empathy for those who do not share your rigid definition. After all, there is black, there is white but also shades of grey.. "

Whilst it is OBVIOUSLY a parody of the messages I am talking about here, I don't define what racism is at all do I? If someone self identifies as racist, then sure, take that message at face value and fuck off. If they don't class themselves as racist (and who does...? Would you ever consider stating you ARE racist?), then it's a nothing statement that might raise a smile and get a message from those smart enough can see what I'm getting at.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I expect single guys get fed up seeing 'not looking for single guys'.

Absolutely, WTF do people put that in there? Why don't they just block messages from them? Am I missing something on that one?"

It's written in your profile.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Clearly everyone has to have no preference at all so to not offend anyone. Which means everyone should sleep with anyone to not be labelled as anything at all.

Ps, we're off work at the weekend.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What about those who state they want bbc only?

Personally, I couldn’t care what people write on their profiles....I’m male....I don’t read them any way

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I expect single guys get fed up seeing 'not looking for single guys'.

Absolutely, WTF do people put that in there? Why don't they just block messages from them? Am I missing something on that one? because people can put what the hell they want on their own profiles, it’s great that Fab let’s us "

If you block single guys from messaging you that automatically appears on your profile. What's the problem?

Apologies to single guys who've tried to message me but i really,really am not interested.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It is no different to when people write....and there are plenty of profiles on here that state this....

BBC ONLY or BLACK/MIXED GUYS ONLY....

...sure It by your context its the same...surely that is a racist comment in itself??? Is it not??

I don't take offence to these kind of profiles, I simply turn around and don't message their profile...

I just see it as a preference, some people don't find some people attractive...and some people only find certain specific people attractive....lets not make a big deal of it and make it in to something it isn't....

We all are allowed to have our own personal choice of what we do and don't like..... "

well said

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By *ssex_tomMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford

The race card was adopted by the Labour Government to stifle all debate on mass migration from Europe. Any MP or citizen who dared challenge the Labour policy would be shouted down as racist.

There are many definitions of what is a racist. Please don't villify people for expressing who they want to have sex with or don't want to have sex with. It's what people feel in their hearts that make them racist and OP, you don't know what's in my heart... Although you might think you do ..

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By *rjimMan
over a year ago

nr bristol

So putting

No smokers

no vapers

age limit 24 to 45

is ok then ?

PMSL

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By *eal_curves_is_backWoman
over a year ago

London

Ad nauseam.

Race is a social construct.

BUT:

Some people have a type. A few different types. They also have a type / types they do not generally expect to be attracted to. Offline, we meet a lot of different people and there may be a chance of being attracted to someone outside our "type" because they are kind, funny, smart, you name it. Online, you only want to hear from the kinds of people you are more likely to find attractive. You use the words "black", "white", "Asian" as it is still the convention, and because a lot of people identify that way. You do not want 300 messages a day - who has the time? Find better terms if you find these objectionable, or reply to 300 messages a day.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Not sure this will go down well, but here goes...

If you have "no blacks and asians" or similar in your profile, can I suggest you take a few minutes to think about those words, and possibly remove them?

There's a BIG difference between having a preference for who you will and won't meet and broadcasting that preference to the world. Please please please don't confuse these two things. It's not about changing what you want, just how you manage it.

If you don't want to meet those people, then just delete their message, or give a polite no thank you. I can only imagine how miserable it must be to read again and again that you aren't worthy of talking to another member here because of the colour of your skin. I originally wrote "told" instead of "read" there but... they aren't being told, you're not even willing to communicate with them at the same level.

Saying "no offence, lol xx" doesn't stop it being offensive.

Your efficiency, your simple, harmless message, is racist, even if you don't think it is. You're not the one reading it."

100% this

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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago

Hillside desolate


"Oh my god! Did I actually just read this? Piss off! People can put what the hell they like, it isn’t god damn racist!!! Thats whats soo foooooking wrong with England today too much political correctness. Geez ...

The voice of reason "

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By *eal_curves_is_backWoman
over a year ago

London


"Oh my god! Did I actually just read this? Piss off! People can put what the hell they like, it isn’t god damn racist!!! Thats whats soo foooooking wrong with England today too much political correctness. Geez ...

The voice of reason "

Political correctness is not a bad thing but this has nothing to do with it. This is about some people wanting to take choice away from other people. If they do not want it and are happy to meet everything that breathes, it is their choice, but some people have a life and prefer to be contacted by fewer people.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"Another really interesting forum.

Of course it's racist, IF it's taken out of context.

But a preference isn't racism. No more so than saying no hairy guys, or short guys, or prefer muscles, or only seeking VWE black cock.

Like so much in life, context matters.

The wording could certainly be more sensitive, but what is really being said is this: 'I don't find people of colour sexually attractive'.

This is a very different statement to: 'I don't like people of colour'.

Having a sexual preference is not racism. Being rather blunt about how you express that preference is also not racism. Insensitive yes, but not racist.

Some people today seem to be very quick at taking offence. Some people also don't express themselves in the most diplomatic ways. Some people also seem to be oblivious to the context of a situation. Add these together and you end up with the fiery stew of reactionary offence and argument that seems to dominate social media. It's exhausting, and often unnecessary.

Kind of ironic that in the so called communication age, so much trouble is caused because people just aren't very good at communicating.

But hey-ho... lets just have an orgasm and be happy."

You just saved me a lot of typing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Op are you easily offended time out in a safe place kind of person?

By your logic i can now call out the 27 profiles within 5 miles of me currently for being racist as they prefer only bbc and asian men.

It is this kind of reasoning that is actually making the world impossible to live in!

If you're so sensitive then dont go out dont make everyone jump through hoops to not offend you.

Just to clarify i have no problem with any race and meet someone based on their personality not their race.

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By *ntrepid Explorers OP   Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham


"Having a sexual preference is not racism. Being rather blunt about how you express that preference is also not racism. "

No it's not racism in itself, and I *think* the BBC thing shows it fairly clearly in that angle. A white woman wanting BBC only is unlikely to have exclusively black friends, but a white person saying the only want to meet white people probably will have exclusively white close friends. Not 100% at all, but I think that's a reasonable and fair observation.

So it's very possible (and I think very common) that the preference is backed up by racism. And we all will agree that that is possible, right? Not always, but I can think of some really good, simple reasons to not want to sleep with a black person.


"

Insensitive yes, but not racist.

"

So that's a critical point here, and I'm not sure that that sentence makes sense. Insensitivity based on racial factors seems like a pretty decent definition of racism in itself maybe? Just because you are ignorant to something, doesn't mean you are not guilty of it. Try telling a judge you didn't realise is was tax evasion, see how far that gets you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 17/10/19 12:16:19]

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By *unkym34Man
over a year ago

London


"Not sure this will go down well, but here goes...

If you have "no blacks and asians" or similar in your profile, can I suggest you take a few minutes to think about those words, and possibly remove them?

There's a BIG difference between having a preference for who you will and won't meet and broadcasting that preference to the world. Please please please don't confuse these two things. It's not about changing what you want, just how you manage it.

If you don't want to meet those people, then just delete their message, or give a polite no thank you. I can only imagine how miserable it must be to read again and again that you aren't worthy of talking to another member here because of the colour of your skin. I originally wrote "told" instead of "read" there but... they aren't being told, you're not even willing to communicate with them at the same level.

Saying "no offence, lol xx" doesn't stop it being offensive.

Your efficiency, your simple, harmless message, is racist, even if you don't think it is. You're not the one reading it."
so are you saying that those who write black only should also change what they put in their profiles???? These types of threads are annoying as much as they are stupid you are very much intitled to your own fancies and there for can specify them on you profile it’s the same as a women writing ladies only or no men.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Not sure this will go down well, but here goes...

If you have "no blacks and asians" or similar in your profile, can I suggest you take a few minutes to think about those words, and possibly remove them?

There's a BIG difference between having a preference for who you will and won't meet and broadcasting that preference to the world. Please please please don't confuse these two things. It's not about changing what you want, just how you manage it.

If you don't want to meet those people, then just delete their message, or give a polite no thank you. I can only imagine how miserable it must be to read again and again that you aren't worthy of talking to another member here because of the colour of your skin. I originally wrote "told" instead of "read" there but... they aren't being told, you're not even willing to communicate with them at the same level.

Saying "no offence, lol xx" doesn't stop it being offensive.

Your efficiency, your simple, harmless message, is racist, even if you don't think it is. You're not the one reading it."

I'm a mixed race person - black/Asian, and this annoys me. You're a white person. What the hell has this got to do with you? I get really fed up with perma-guilty white people who speak for me and my race when I'm perfectly capable of speaking for myself - that's the only racist aspect here. I don't give a flying fanny fart if someone puts "no blacks or Asians" on their profile on a site like this. It's a preference - no different to not wanting to meet gay people if you're straight, or an age preference. You don't speak for me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Only the same as putting "BBC only" I don't think most white guys would get offended by that as its just personal preference. I've read profiles that say "only slim and athletic" average people don't get offended, or "6ft and over" I don't think short people get offended. I genuinely think that reading a profile that is specifically identifying what a person is looking for is a good thing rather than having to ignore a message and leaving the other person wondering why

IF it's the same (I honestly don't know, I feel there's a difference, related to fetish somehow) then does that make it OK? I don't see that loop being closed by a statement like that.

It's useful to know what people want, sure, but when you get told time and again that through no fault of your own your told you're unwelcome... that's unpleasant. And when it's done on grounds of race, that's racism. That's what the word means.

In a work or any other environment yes I totally agree with you. In a “who I’m sexually attracted to and who I will give my body to” environment then no I don’t agree that it is. I get where you’re coming from but would I sleep with a 20 stone hairy heavily tattooed man? No I wouldn’t. Would I not give him a job purely because of that? Of course not. It’s irrelevant. "

Totally agree. It’s an entirely different context on here. I don’t believe it’s discriminatory to express a preference in terms of who you are and aren’t sexually attracted to; whether that’s based on physical size (height; weight, etc), hair colour, gender or even race; however it would be discriminatory to use either of these things as a reason to not employ someone or to exclude them in some other way.

I’m a bisexual woman, but if I wasn’t, I’d be stating on my profile a preference NOT to sleep with women. Does that make me sexist? Probably not, I’d argue...

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By *ntrepid Explorers OP   Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham


"By your logic i can now call out the 27 profiles within 5 miles of me currently for being racist as they prefer only bbc and asian men."

Think I've made it pretty clear that I don't think that's the same thing but can't necessarily describe why yet. Although you are mixing up different things there. BBC is a more complex issue to unpick, but if it's asian couples only wanting asian couples, yeah that feels like it could have the hallmarks of racism. White couples wanting Asian only, that doesn't have the current of "keeping to your own" in it, so seems different too.

But a key point is you don't actually give a shit do you? You don't care. Because racism is presumably not part of your lived experience..?

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By *ssex_tomMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford


"Not sure this will go down well, but here goes...

If you have "no blacks and asians" or similar in your profile, can I suggest you take a few minutes to think about those words, and possibly remove them?

There's a BIG difference between having a preference for who you will and won't meet and broadcasting that preference to the world. Please please please don't confuse these two things. It's not about changing what you want, just how you manage it.

If you don't want to meet those people, then just delete their message, or give a polite no thank you. I can only imagine how miserable it must be to read again and again that you aren't worthy of talking to another member here because of the colour of your skin. I originally wrote "told" instead of "read" there but... they aren't being told, you're not even willing to communicate with them at the same level.

Saying "no offence, lol xx" doesn't stop it being offensive.

Your efficiency, your simple, harmless message, is racist, even if you don't think it is. You're not the one reading it.

I'm a mixed race person - black/Asian, and this annoys me. You're a white person. What the hell has this got to do with you? I get really fed up with perma-guilty white people who speak for me and my race when I'm perfectly capable of speaking for myself - that's the only racist aspect here. I don't give a flying fanny fart if someone puts "no blacks or Asians" on their profile on a site like this. It's a preference - no different to not wanting to meet gay people if you're straight, or an age preference. You don't speak for me."

Not in my name either OP

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"And when it's done on grounds of preference that's what it means...

No, it's racist to promote that generalisation as it's based on racial differences. You will agree that it IS based on racial differences, right? That's not to say it's implicitly racist, but the words are right there.

Personally I can't imagine how someone can have preferences without it being heavily influenced by negative votes of those people in general, i.e. racism. But I don't have that preference to compare my views on race to.

Either way though, your "meaning" means nothing to the person reading what you write. Think about them, not you."

By this logic, OP, is a straight woman or man sexist because they don’t wish to sleep with the same gender?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Not sure this will go down well, but here goes...

If you have "no blacks and asians" or similar in your profile, can I suggest you take a few minutes to think about those words, and possibly remove them?

There's a BIG difference between having a preference for who you will and won't meet and broadcasting that preference to the world. Please please please don't confuse these two things. It's not about changing what you want, just how you manage it.

If you don't want to meet those people, then just delete their message, or give a polite no thank you. I can only imagine how miserable it must be to read again and again that you aren't worthy of talking to another member here because of the colour of your skin. I originally wrote "told" instead of "read" there but... they aren't being told, you're not even willing to communicate with them at the same level.

Saying "no offence, lol xx" doesn't stop it being offensive.

Your efficiency, your simple, harmless message, is racist, even if you don't think it is. You're not the one reading it.

I'm a mixed race person - black/Asian, and this annoys me. You're a white person. What the hell has this got to do with you? I get really fed up with perma-guilty white people who speak for me and my race when I'm perfectly capable of speaking for myself - that's the only racist aspect here. I don't give a flying fanny fart if someone puts "no blacks or Asians" on their profile on a site like this. It's a preference - no different to not wanting to meet gay people if you're straight, or an age preference. You don't speak for me."

Well said. There you go. End of thread.

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By *unkym34Man
over a year ago

London


"Having a sexual preference is not racism. Being rather blunt about how you express that preference is also not racism.

No it's not racism in itself, and I *think* the BBC thing shows it fairly clearly in that angle. A white woman wanting BBC only is unlikely to have exclusively black friends, but a white person saying the only want to meet white people probably will have exclusively white close friends. Not 100% at all, but I think that's a reasonable and fair observation.

So it's very possible (and I think very common) that the preference is backed up by racism. And we all will agree that that is possible, right? Not always, but I can think of some really good, simple reasons to not want to sleep with a black person.

Insensitive yes, but not racist.

So that's a critical point here, and I'm not sure that that sentence makes sense. Insensitivity based on racial factors seems like a pretty decent definition of racism in itself maybe? Just because you are ignorant to something, doesn't mean you are not guilty of it. Try telling a judge you didn't realise is was tax evasion, see how far that gets you."
what on Earth are you on about just because a person does not fancy or is aroused by blacks, Asians, and what ever else it does not mean that they do not have friends that are from different back grounds. I’m generally only attracted to white people I won’t apologise for it it’s just how I am but I have many many friends that are from many many different back grounds. It’s people like yourself that stir up trouble and create issues. Remove the thread it’s pointless and very very annoying

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By *ssex_tomMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford


"By your logic i can now call out the 27 profiles within 5 miles of me currently for being racist as they prefer only bbc and asian men.

Think I've made it pretty clear that I don't think that's the same thing but can't necessarily describe why yet. Although you are mixing up different things there. BBC is a more complex issue to unpick, but if it's asian couples only wanting asian couples, yeah that feels like it could have the hallmarks of racism. White couples wanting Asian only, that doesn't have the current of "keeping to your own" in it, so seems different too.

But a key point is you don't actually give a shit do you? You don't care. Because racism is presumably not part of your lived experience..?"

Maybe you are overthinking this OP. The 'BBC thing' doesn't need unpicking. It's a preference.

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By *ntrepid Explorers OP   Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham


"Maybe you are overthinking this OP. The 'BBC thing' doesn't need unpicking. It's a preference. "
Maybe! By unpicking though, I mean seeing why it's possibly not racist unlike the statements I'm talking about which 100% are.

I'm minded to think about why BBC could be classically racist... slaves... colonisation, but that's definitely above my pay grade!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's getting to the point now where white people darnt state their preferences in their profile, as not to 'offend', if I didn't want to meet black women I would put it in my profile, if anybody didn't like it they can kiss my honky ass, however........ And this is a big however, I actually prefer oriental women to any other creed or colour"

the term oriental is nowadays not meant to be used for humans just objects like rugs or decorations. You may not be PC but when fetishing a particular race or may help to use the least offensive term. - Mrs

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By *he Hussy and The VoyeurCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere Only We Know

Its far more important to recognise attitude, not race, colour or creed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Maybe you are overthinking this OP. The 'BBC thing' doesn't need unpicking. It's a preference. Maybe! By unpicking though, I mean seeing why it's possibly not racist unlike the statements I'm talking about which 100% are.

I'm minded to think about why BBC could be classically racist... slaves... colonisation, but that's definitely above my pay grade!"

BBC makes me uncomfortable as fetishing people especially in terms of race just feels wrong to me. It may not be racist as it’s being held on a pedestal but there's some level of dehumanisation there. - Mrs

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By *ssex_tomMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford


"It's getting to the point now where white people darnt state their preferences in their profile, as not to 'offend', if I didn't want to meet black women I would put it in my profile, if anybody didn't like it they can kiss my honky ass, however........ And this is a big however, I actually prefer oriental women to any other creed or colour

the term oriental is nowadays not meant to be used for humans just objects like rugs or decorations. You may not be PC but when fetishing a particular race or may help to use the least offensive term. - Mrs "

But who decides this ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would be interested in the OP’s views on gender preferences and whether stating “I don’t want to sleep with men/women” is sexist? It seems to follow the same logic.... i.e. .... if stating “I prefer not to sleep with black people” constitutes racism on the grounds that it is discriminatory of that group of people; surely stating “i prefer to only sleep with men” is discriminatory against women and therefore, by definition, sexism? Should I therefore feel offended by all female profiles who state they won’t sleep with me because I’m a woman?

My point is... Where on earth do you draw the line? A sexual preference is just that - a preference. Not an active attempt to discriminate.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People just love something to complain about

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I would be interested in the OP’s views on gender preferences and whether stating “I don’t want to sleep with men/women” is sexist? It seems to follow the same logic.... i.e. .... if stating “I prefer not to sleep with black people” constitutes racism on the grounds that it is discriminatory of that group of people; surely stating “i prefer to only sleep with men” is discriminatory against women and therefore, by definition, sexism? Should I therefore feel offended by all female profiles who state they won’t sleep with me because I’m a woman?

My point is... Where on earth do you draw the line? A sexual preference is just that - a preference. Not an active attempt to discriminate. "

People think the same with that too. I mentioned once I don’t sleep with bisexual men and boy did I get slated. I just don’t bother saying anything much anymore about preferences. That’s the problem. People will jump on you whatever you say.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"By your logic i can now call out the 27 profiles within 5 miles of me currently for being racist as they prefer only bbc and asian men.

Think I've made it pretty clear that I don't think that's the same thing but can't necessarily describe why yet. Although you are mixing up different things there. BBC is a more complex issue to unpick, but if it's asian couples only wanting asian couples, yeah that feels like it could have the hallmarks of racism. White couples wanting Asian only, that doesn't have the current of "keeping to your own" in it, so seems different too.

But a key point is you don't actually give a shit do you? You don't care. Because racism is presumably not part of your lived experience..?"

Your own logic its racist in terms of sexual preferance but because its another skin colour stating something about white people its not racist? Also nobody said its white couples who want asians only. I have plenty of friends who happen to have different skin to my own who funnily enough cant stand people like you. The white people who are offended by "racist" things which infact are nothing more than personal preferance. If they're offended by something because its racist they'll let people know dont worry.

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By *xtrafun4youMan
over a year ago

Dunstable

I think everyone is to pc and sensitive nowadays

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By *ssex_tomMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford


"I mentioned once I don’t sleep with bisexual men and boy did I get slated. I just don’t bother saying anything much anymore about preferences. That’s the problem. People will jump on you whatever you say. "

Nora, I am bi and take your prefence as a preference. It saves my time and yours. I respect any reasons you have and would never moan or judge you for holding them.

I have found generally that women in the forum's will not shag me for two reasons. I am a bi male and they think that I am also a prat.

But preferences are just that. Preferences..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I would be interested in the OP’s views on gender preferences and whether stating “I don’t want to sleep with men/women” is sexist? It seems to follow the same logic.... i.e. .... if stating “I prefer not to sleep with black people” constitutes racism on the grounds that it is discriminatory of that group of people; surely stating “i prefer to only sleep with men” is discriminatory against women and therefore, by definition, sexism? Should I therefore feel offended by all female profiles who state they won’t sleep with me because I’m a woman?

My point is... Where on earth do you draw the line? A sexual preference is just that - a preference. Not an active attempt to discriminate.

People think the same with that too. I mentioned once I don’t sleep with bisexual men and boy did I get slated. I just don’t bother saying anything much anymore about preferences. That’s the problem. People will jump on you whatever you say. "

It’s craziness. If you can’t express preferences based on physical appearances on a SEX site, where on earth can you?!

Like you righty pointed out, if you were using these factors as reasons not to employ someone or to exclude them from society in some way. Fair enough - that’s racist / sexist (delete as applicable). But to state - “this is who I’m physically and sexually attracted to” - I’m struggling with how that’s discriminatory in any way....

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By *izzymonkeyMan
over a year ago

Hiding In A Bush


"I would be interested in the OP’s views on gender preferences and whether stating “I don’t want to sleep with men/women” is sexist? It seems to follow the same logic.... i.e. .... if stating “I prefer not to sleep with black people” constitutes racism on the grounds that it is discriminatory of that group of people; surely stating “i prefer to only sleep with men” is discriminatory against women and therefore, by definition, sexism? Should I therefore feel offended by all female profiles who state they won’t sleep with me because I’m a woman?

My point is... Where on earth do you draw the line? A sexual preference is just that - a preference. Not an active attempt to discriminate.

People think the same with that too. I mentioned once I don’t sleep with bisexual men and boy did I get slated. I just don’t bother saying anything much anymore about preferences. That’s the problem. People will jump on you whatever you say.

It’s craziness. If you can’t express preferences based on physical appearances on a SEX site, where on earth can you?!

Like you righty pointed out, if you were using these factors as reasons not to employ someone or to exclude them from society in some way. Fair enough - that’s racist / sexist (delete as applicable). But to state - “this is who I’m physically and sexually attracted to” - I’m struggling with how that’s discriminatory in any way.... "

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By *ilsaGeorgeCouple
over a year ago

kent


"Having a sexual preference is not racism. Being rather blunt about how you express that preference is also not racism.

No it's not racism in itself, and I *think* the BBC thing shows it fairly clearly in that angle. A white woman wanting BBC only is unlikely to have exclusively black friends, but a white person saying the only want to meet white people probably will have exclusively white close friends. Not 100% at all, but I think that's a reasonable and fair observation.

So it's very possible (and I think very common) that the preference is backed up by racism. And we all will agree that that is possible, right? Not always, but I can think of some really good, simple reasons to not want to sleep with a black person.

Insensitive yes, but not racist.

So that's a critical point here, and I'm not sure that that sentence makes sense. Insensitivity based on racial factors seems like a pretty decent definition of racism in itself maybe? Just because you are ignorant to something, doesn't mean you are not guilty of it. Try telling a judge you didn't realise is was tax evasion, see how far that gets you. what on Earth are you on about just because a person does not fancy or is aroused by blacks, Asians, and what ever else it does not mean that they do not have friends that are from different back grounds. I’m generally only attracted to white people I won’t apologise for it it’s just how I am but I have many many friends that are from many many different back grounds. It’s people like yourself that stir up trouble and create issues. Remove the thread it’s pointless and very very annoying "

And it's at this point that I completely give up having any kind of debate about these subjects.

What I'm reading from OP's reply is this: You are probably subconsciously racist if you don't fancy black people because you've probably only got white friends... I mean... WTF? How can anyone draw such an utterly uninformed and generalising conclusion without any evidence whatsoever to support such a claim, and just pass it off as a probable fact?

You might as well say men and women who are attracted to shaved pussies are all subconsciously attracted to children.

Or ladies who fancy hairy men probably want to fuck dogs and are prejudice towards reptiles. I mean not 100% of them, but you know... a heck of a lot.

Ridiculous. I'm out. Have fun with this lovelies Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Offensive this, offensice that.

I am getting offended by everyine taking offence.

What about all the VVWE only and age limits etc.

I think having no this or that on your profile saves everyone time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Offensive this, offensice that.

I am getting offended by everyine taking offence.

What about all the VVWE only and age limits etc.

I think having no this or that on your profile saves everyone time "

this is a sex site. This is how it works. People state who/ what they want to fuck and it does make them anything -ist. The end

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Controversial and yet pointless thread

Can’t we all just get along

I don’t see it as racism, it’s mere preference and attraction and sometimes personal experience, just move on. After all the way I see it..

Not everyone you take a liking to will like you back, but share love anyway

More positivity, less negativity

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By *ntrepid Explorers OP   Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham


"I would be interested in the OP’s views on gender preferences and whether stating “I don’t want to sleep with men/women” is sexist? It seems to follow the same logic.... i.e. .... if stating “I prefer not to sleep with black people” constitutes racism on the grounds that it is discriminatory of that group of people; surely stating “i prefer to only sleep with men” is discriminatory against women and therefore, by definition, sexism? Should I therefore feel offended by all female profiles who state they won’t sleep with me because I’m a woman?

My point is... Where on earth do you draw the line? A sexual preference is just that - a preference. Not an active attempt to discriminate. "

I don't have all the answers, I'm not trying to say I do. Everything is clearly allowed to have their preferences, again it's about how that is communicated, if it is. I see plenty of stuff about how you are transphobic to ever consider refusing to sleep with any transgender person, and I get put on twitter lists as a Nazi for daring to suggest that's a bloody stupid position. So I'm very often caught in a middle ground, trying to talk about a decent, rational middle ground.

A lot of the time it must be about questioning what a valid preference is though? It's useful to move back in time and see how much that went on back then that would be seen as abhorrently racist today was fine. This does sound like I'm suggesting you shouldn't have those preferences... maybe that's the case. If they aren't based on tangible reasons (e.g. I can't breed with you as we have the same reproductive organs) then outside of the preferences you feel today, why wouldn't it make sense for the racial preferences to naturally, genuinely disappear? And if so, then looking at the reasons for why they do exist takes you to identifying negative, racist, reasons for that.

You can't, shouldn't be *made* to change your preferences in something like race, but it'd be a nice thing if as a society they stopped existing one way or another wouldn't it?

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By *lbinoGorillaMan
over a year ago

Redditch


"I get where you’re coming from but would I sleep with a 20 stone hairy heavily tattooed man? No I wouldn’t."

I don't have tattoos if that helps??

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By *ollycouple71Couple
over a year ago

manchester


"Not sure this will go down well, but here goes...

If you have "no blacks and asians" or similar in your profile, can I suggest you take a few minutes to think about those words, and possibly remove them?

There's a BIG difference between having a preference for who you will and won't meet and broadcasting that preference to the world. Please please please don't confuse these two things. It's not about changing what you want, just how you manage it.

If you don't want to meet those people, then just delete their message, or give a polite no thank you. I can only imagine how miserable it must be to read again and again that you aren't worthy of talking to another member here because of the colour of your skin. I originally wrote "told" instead of "read" there but... they aren't being told, you're not even willing to communicate with them at the same level.

Saying "no offence, lol xx" doesn't stop it being offensive.

Your efficiency, your simple, harmless message, is racist, even if you don't think it is. You're not the one reading it.

I'm a mixed race person - black/Asian, and this annoys me. You're a white person. What the hell has this got to do with you? I get really fed up with perma-guilty white people who speak for me and my race when I'm perfectly capable of speaking for myself - that's the only racist aspect here. I don't give a flying fanny fart if someone puts "no blacks or Asians" on their profile on a site like this. It's a preference - no different to not wanting to meet gay people if you're straight, or an age preference. You don't speak for me.

Well said. There you go. End of thread. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I would be interested in the OP’s views on gender preferences and whether stating “I don’t want to sleep with men/women” is sexist? It seems to follow the same logic.... i.e. .... if stating “I prefer not to sleep with black people” constitutes racism on the grounds that it is discriminatory of that group of people; surely stating “i prefer to only sleep with men” is discriminatory against women and therefore, by definition, sexism? Should I therefore feel offended by all female profiles who state they won’t sleep with me because I’m a woman?

My point is... Where on earth do you draw the line? A sexual preference is just that - a preference. Not an active attempt to discriminate.

I don't have all the answers, I'm not trying to say I do. Everything is clearly allowed to have their preferences, again it's about how that is communicated, if it is. I see plenty of stuff about how you are transphobic to ever consider refusing to sleep with any transgender person, and I get put on twitter lists as a Nazi for daring to suggest that's a bloody stupid position. So I'm very often caught in a middle ground, trying to talk about a decent, rational middle ground.

A lot of the time it must be about questioning what a valid preference is though? It's useful to move back in time and see how much that went on back then that would be seen as abhorrently racist today was fine. This does sound like I'm suggesting you shouldn't have those preferences... maybe that's the case. If they aren't based on tangible reasons (e.g. I can't breed with you as we have the same reproductive organs) then outside of the preferences you feel today, why wouldn't it make sense for the racial preferences to naturally, genuinely disappear? And if so, then looking at the reasons for why they do exist takes you to identifying negative, racist, reasons for that.

You can't, shouldn't be *made* to change your preferences in something like race, but it'd be a nice thing if as a society they stopped existing one way or another wouldn't it?"

The way people communicate their preferences could be done more sensitively (not to mention with use of grammar and punctuation) - I take your point on that. So “No blacks thanks” versus “I’m not attracted to people of black ethnic origin; sorry that’s just not for me”. Makes a world of difference I feel.

However... I wholeheartedly disagree with the idea of a “valid reason” for a sexual preference. Sex is far too personal and intimate an experience to start questioning people’s reasons for it - it’s no different or less valid for me than food preferences. We like what we like, and in my view that’s OK. As long as we aren’t abusive, excluding, or in any other way actively discriminatory- I say let people express who they wish to sleep with / not sleep with. Especially on a site designed for just that.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

To break it down into really simple terms - this is the definition of racist:

"a person who shows or feels discrimination or prejudice against people of other races, or who believes that a particular race is superior to another."

Leaving the last part of that aside as it speaks for itself - the two key words in there are "discrimination" (the unjust or prejudicial treatment of different categories of people, especially on the grounds of race, age, or sex.) and "prejudice" (preconceived opinion that is not based on reason or actual experience.)

Now given those definitions is someone stating "no blacks or Asians" on a profile showing discrimination or prejudice based purely on those four words?

Simple answer is you don't know without knowing the person making the statement and there's also a strong case to argue that they are being neither based on those definitions anyway - and *if* it simply comes down to something like attraction.

It really is no different from profiles that state no bisexual men, or any other preference, in this context and without knowing more about the individual making the statement you can't automatically label it racist.

I'd even argue whether it is actually insensitively worded without the context of reason behind it - it's a simple statement of preference in the context of profile text, no different from saying no bisexual men, no short men etc etc - although do agree that it *could* seem a little blunt and understand why it might be said it was insensitive.

The *only* wah you would truly know if it was a racist statement would be to engage each person who has it and understand their reasons for having it on their profile and making an assessment based on that - now for some, sadly, it probably is based in racist undertones, but for others it may well be as simple as preference and not finding a strong attraction to a certain type.

If someone said "no blue eyed, blond haired guys" on a profile no-one would bat an eyelid, so I really don't see why it would be different expressing a preference as stated in the OP unless the reasons for that preference indicate prejudice or discrimination.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

And sorry who's Jeremy Corbyn as dont do politics "

Congratulations on the most Oxymoronic comment of the day

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Best thing is to say what you are after not what you are not its less offensive then as it doesn't discriminate directly just says what you desire.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am of Indian/Irish/Italian mix. It seems the OPs problem seems to be, somebody stating on their profile that they don't want to meet ABC rather than not wanting to meet ABC.

If am going to spend time chatting to someone on here, and after a ping pong of messages I discover they won't see me because of race, cock size, height etc. Am going to think why not put it on your profile and save us both f...ing time. So I actually prefer the profile to state no ABC whatever.

In the past I dated 2 white ladies who stated they would never date a Chinese guy. I didn't class them racist as they would date Asian, Black and white guys but not Chinese. It was a simple preference.

So to you ladies and gents out there that do not wish to meet Asian or Black people please state it on your profile. It saves both parties time.

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By *evil_u_knowMan
over a year ago

city

its no more racist than people saying BBC only.

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By *ntrepid Explorers OP   Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham


"Best thing is to say what you are after not what you are not its less offensive then as it doesn't discriminate directly just says what you desire. "

I think that seems like the best way of doing it, but I'd still wonder if it needs to be said...? I'd have thought it'd feel nicer to read it that way round for sure.

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By *ntrepid Explorers OP   Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham


"its no more racist than people saying BBC only."
Read the thread then reply.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"To break it down into really simple terms - this is the definition of racist:

"a person who shows or feels discrimination or prejudice against people of other races, or who believes that a particular race is superior to another."

Leaving the last part of that aside as it speaks for itself - the two key words in there are "discrimination" (the unjust or prejudicial treatment of different categories of people, especially on the grounds of race, age, or sex.) and "prejudice" (preconceived opinion that is not based on reason or actual experience.)

Now given those definitions is someone stating "no blacks or Asians" on a profile showing discrimination or prejudice based purely on those four words?

Simple answer is you don't know without knowing the person making the statement and there's also a strong case to argue that they are being neither based on those definitions anyway - and *if* it simply comes down to something like attraction.

It really is no different from profiles that state no bisexual men, or any other preference, in this context and without knowing more about the individual making the statement you can't automatically label it racist.

I'd even argue whether it is actually insensitively worded without the context of reason behind it - it's a simple statement of preference in the context of profile text, no different from saying no bisexual men, no short men etc etc - although do agree that it *could* seem a little blunt and understand why it might be said it was insensitive.

The *only* wah you would truly know if it was a racist statement would be to engage each person who has it and understand their reasons for having it on their profile and making an assessment based on that - now for some, sadly, it probably is based in racist undertones, but for others it may well be as simple as preference and not finding a strong attraction to a certain type.

If someone said "no blue eyed, blond haired guys" on a profile no-one would bat an eyelid, so I really don't see why it would be different expressing a preference as stated in the OP unless the reasons for that preference indicate prejudice or discrimination."

EXACTLY what I’ve been trying to say - but you managed it far more eloquently

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By *ssex_tomMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford


"To break it down into really simple terms - this is the definition of racist:

"a person who shows or feels discrimination or prejudice against people of other races, or who believes that a particular race is superior to another."

Leaving the last part of that aside as it speaks for itself - the two key words in there are "discrimination" (the unjust or prejudicial treatment of different categories of people, especially on the grounds of race, age, or sex.) and "prejudice" (preconceived opinion that is not based on reason or actual experience.)

Now given those definitions is someone stating "no blacks or Asians" on a profile showing discrimination or prejudice based purely on those four words?

Simple answer is you don't know without knowing the person making the statement and there's also a strong case to argue that they are being neither based on those definitions anyway - and *if* it simply comes down to something like attraction.

It really is no different from profiles that state no bisexual men, or any other preference, in this context and without knowing more about the individual making the statement you can't automatically label it racist.

I'd even argue whether it is actually insensitively worded without the context of reason behind it - it's a simple statement of preference in the context of profile text, no different from saying no bisexual men, no short men etc etc - although do agree that it *could* seem a little blunt and understand why it might be said it was insensitive.

The *only* wah you would truly know if it was a racist statement would be to engage each person who has it and understand their reasons for having it on their profile and making an assessment based on that - now for some, sadly, it probably is based in racist undertones, but for others it may well be as simple as preference and not finding a strong attraction to a certain type.

If someone said "no blue eyed, blond haired guys" on a profile no-one would bat an eyelid, so I really don't see why it would be different expressing a preference as stated in the OP unless the reasons for that preference indicate prejudice or discrimination."

GM. That is not 'the' definition of racist. It's the definition you choose to use.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve only been on the site pre cum stage but for what it’s worth I’d say it’s not racist at all. Surely it’s just used to keep the messages to a minimum?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"To break it down into really simple terms - this is the definition of racist:

"a person who shows or feels discrimination or prejudice against people of other races, or who believes that a particular race is superior to another."

Leaving the last part of that aside as it speaks for itself - the two key words in there are "discrimination" (the unjust or prejudicial treatment of different categories of people, especially on the grounds of race, age, or sex.) and "prejudice" (preconceived opinion that is not based on reason or actual experience.)

Now given those definitions is someone stating "no blacks or Asians" on a profile showing discrimination or prejudice based purely on those four words?

Simple answer is you don't know without knowing the person making the statement and there's also a strong case to argue that they are being neither based on those definitions anyway - and *if* it simply comes down to something like attraction.

It really is no different from profiles that state no bisexual men, or any other preference, in this context and without knowing more about the individual making the statement you can't automatically label it racist.

I'd even argue whether it is actually insensitively worded without the context of reason behind it - it's a simple statement of preference in the context of profile text, no different from saying no bisexual men, no short men etc etc - although do agree that it *could* seem a little blunt and understand why it might be said it was insensitive.

The *only* wah you would truly know if it was a racist statement would be to engage each person who has it and understand their reasons for having it on their profile and making an assessment based on that - now for some, sadly, it probably is based in racist undertones, but for others it may well be as simple as preference and not finding a strong attraction to a certain type.

If someone said "no blue eyed, blond haired guys" on a profile no-one would bat an eyelid, so I really don't see why it would be different expressing a preference as stated in the OP unless the reasons for that preference indicate prejudice or discrimination.

EXACTLY what I’ve been trying to say - but you managed it far more eloquently "

He always does! Love Mr GM

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By *ntrepid Explorers OP   Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham


"I am of Indian/Irish/Italian mix. It seems the OPs problem seems to be, somebody stating on their profile that they don't want to meet ABC rather than not wanting to meet ABC.

If am going to spend time chatting to someone on here, and after a ping pong of messages I discover they won't see me because of race, cock size, height etc. Am going to think why not put it on your profile and save us both f...ing time. So I actually prefer the profile to state no ABC whatever.

In the past I dated 2 white ladies who stated they would never date a Chinese guy. I didn't class them racist as they would date Asian, Black and white guys but not Chinese. It was a simple preference.

So to you ladies and gents out there that do not wish to meet Asian or Black people please state it on your profile. It saves both parties time. "

But here you've split the issue too far apart, however you feel. My suggestion is to just delete the message, or reply with a simple no thanks. You shouldn't deny there are alternatives to the two extremes you discuss, that's quite disingenuous to the conversation.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"GM. That is not 'the' definition of racist. It's the definition you choose to use."

*sigh* type "racist definition" into Google and I think you'll find it is - I don't make these things up you know

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I am of Indian/Irish/Italian mix. It seems the OPs problem seems to be, somebody stating on their profile that they don't want to meet ABC rather than not wanting to meet ABC.

If am going to spend time chatting to someone on here, and after a ping pong of messages I discover they won't see me because of race, cock size, height etc. Am going to think why not put it on your profile and save us both f...ing time. So I actually prefer the profile to state no ABC whatever.

In the past I dated 2 white ladies who stated they would never date a Chinese guy. I didn't class them racist as they would date Asian, Black and white guys but not Chinese. It was a simple preference.

So to you ladies and gents out there that do not wish to meet Asian or Black people please state it on your profile. It saves both parties time.

But here you've split the issue too far apart, however you feel. My suggestion is to just delete the message, or reply with a simple no thanks. You shouldn't deny there are alternatives to the two extremes you discuss, that's quite disingenuous to the conversation."

Let’s assume you reply with “no thanks” and the person responds asking why? Then what? Be honest and say I’m not attracted to people of your race? How does that then avoid the offence you’re suggesting is a problem from having it stated on your profile?

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By *ntrepid Explorers OP   Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham


"To break it down into really simple terms - this is the definition of racist:

"a person who shows or feels discrimination or prejudice against people of other races, or who believes that a particular race is superior to another."

Leaving the last part of that aside as it speaks for itself - the two key words in there are "discrimination" (the unjust or prejudicial treatment of different categories of people, especially on the grounds of race, age, or sex.) and "prejudice" (preconceived opinion that is not based on reason or actual experience.)

Now given those definitions is someone stating "no blacks or Asians" on a profile showing discrimination or prejudice based purely on those four words?

Simple answer is you don't know without knowing the person making the statement and there's also a strong case to argue that they are being neither based on those definitions anyway - and *if* it simply comes down to something like attraction.

It really is no different from profiles that state no bisexual men, or any other preference, in this context and without knowing more about the individual making the statement you can't automatically label it racist.

I'd even argue whether it is actually insensitively worded without the context of reason behind it - it's a simple statement of preference in the context of profile text, no different from saying no bisexual men, no short men etc etc - although do agree that it *could* seem a little blunt and understand why it might be said it was insensitive.

The *only* wah you would truly know if it was a racist statement would be to engage each person who has it and understand their reasons for having it on their profile and making an assessment based on that - now for some, sadly, it probably is based in racist undertones, but for others it may well be as simple as preference and not finding a strong attraction to a certain type.

If someone said "no blue eyed, blond haired guys" on a profile no-one would bat an eyelid, so I really don't see why it would be different expressing a preference as stated in the OP unless the reasons for that preference indicate prejudice or discrimination."

Yeah I agree with a huge amount of that, but I'll say the example that really made me feel justified in the perspective I have was the Danny Baker stuff on Twitter.

In brief he posted a picture of a monkey in a suit, holding hands with two posh looking people, welcoming Harry And Meghan's new baby. Now as someone who "knows" Danny, I KNEW what his motivation was, and it was about class, and based around a trope he's been having fun with for years. He did NOT know about the racial heritage of Meghans family. As such he clearly had zero racial intent. Someone pointed it out to him within 8 minutes, and he immediately realised the problem, and deleted it. HOWEVER, as he was putting that out, without context, I came to appreciate that these things HAVE TO stand up for themselves, and when a lot of people seeing it (well, people piling on to be outraged for the sake of it) saw it, and DID have other contexts to not unfairly attach to it, it WAS a racist post.

So the same thing happens here. If you post you don't want black or asian people to message you, whatever YOUR motivations are it is still 100% fair for that to be interpreted as racist, and so therefore is IT a racist message. It doesn't seem right to put the onus on those living under the cloud of potential racist abuse day in day out to have to judge if the profile they are reading is racist or not. Why not just prefer a scenario where there is no reason to think that in the first place, by just not saying it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I am of Indian/Irish/Italian mix. It seems the OPs problem seems to be, somebody stating on their profile that they don't want to meet ABC rather than not wanting to meet ABC.

If am going to spend time chatting to someone on here, and after a ping pong of messages I discover they won't see me because of race, cock size, height etc. Am going to think why not put it on your profile and save us both f...ing time. So I actually prefer the profile to state no ABC whatever.

In the past I dated 2 white ladies who stated they would never date a Chinese guy. I didn't class them racist as they would date Asian, Black and white guys but not Chinese. It was a simple preference.

So to you ladies and gents out there that do not wish to meet Asian or Black people please state it on your profile. It saves both parties time.

But here you've split the issue too far apart, however you feel. My suggestion is to just delete the message, or reply with a simple no thanks. You shouldn't deny there are alternatives to the two extremes you discuss, that's quite disingenuous to the conversation."

I really think your spending too much time and energy on being offended on behalf of a group of people who probably aren't as offended as you think they should be.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"To break it down into really simple terms - this is the definition of racist:

"a person who shows or feels discrimination or prejudice against people of other races, or who believes that a particular race is superior to another."

Leaving the last part of that aside as it speaks for itself - the two key words in there are "discrimination" (the unjust or prejudicial treatment of different categories of people, especially on the grounds of race, age, or sex.) and "prejudice" (preconceived opinion that is not based on reason or actual experience.)

Now given those definitions is someone stating "no blacks or Asians" on a profile showing discrimination or prejudice based purely on those four words?

Simple answer is you don't know without knowing the person making the statement and there's also a strong case to argue that they are being neither based on those definitions anyway - and *if* it simply comes down to something like attraction.

It really is no different from profiles that state no bisexual men, or any other preference, in this context and without knowing more about the individual making the statement you can't automatically label it racist.

I'd even argue whether it is actually insensitively worded without the context of reason behind it - it's a simple statement of preference in the context of profile text, no different from saying no bisexual men, no short men etc etc - although do agree that it *could* seem a little blunt and understand why it might be said it was insensitive.

The *only* wah you would truly know if it was a racist statement would be to engage each person who has it and understand their reasons for having it on their profile and making an assessment based on that - now for some, sadly, it probably is based in racist undertones, but for others it may well be as simple as preference and not finding a strong attraction to a certain type.

If someone said "no blue eyed, blond haired guys" on a profile no-one would bat an eyelid, so I really don't see why it would be different expressing a preference as stated in the OP unless the reasons for that preference indicate prejudice or discrimination.

GM. That is not 'the' definition of racist. It's the definition you choose to use."

It is the dictionary definition of racist but you might choose to use another or it in a different way!

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By *ntrepid Explorers OP   Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham


"Let’s assume you reply with “no thanks” and the person responds asking why? Then what? Be honest and say I’m not attracted to people of your race? How does that then avoid the offence you’re suggesting is a problem from having it stated on your profile? "
You aren't obliged to ever say anything, No thanks should ALWAYS be sufficient. If it's somehow not, then that's the other person becoming an issue as a person, not a demographic.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Let’s assume you reply with “no thanks” and the person responds asking why? Then what? Be honest and say I’m not attracted to people of your race? How does that then avoid the offence you’re suggesting is a problem from having it stated on your profile? You aren't obliged to ever say anything, No thanks should ALWAYS be sufficient. If it's somehow not, then that's the other person becoming an issue as a person, not a demographic."

Oh no you didn't just say demographic did you

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By *ntrepid Explorers OP   Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham


"GM. That is not 'the' definition of racist. It's the definition you choose to use.

It is the dictionary definition of racist but you might choose to use another or it in a different way! "

That's only *one* definition. I think the argument is better off looking at "racism" not "racist".

I think it's very easy to hold passively racist views, adopted from family, society, media or whatever, without it being reasonable to think that that person believes they feel a superiority they can tangibly define. That distinction doesn't matter from the outside though. It has no bearing on those affected, if an affect occurs.

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By *ssex_tomMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford


"GM. That is not 'the' definition of racist. It's the definition you choose to use.

*sigh* type "racist definition" into Google and I think you'll find it is - I don't make these things up you know "

I don't doubt your source but my point is that there will be many different definitions.

You never seem to post without thought. I respect you for that. I wonder if we sonetimes get too entrenched in definitions and then become pedantic. The, if it fits our definition then it must be true mentality. OP, only in my opinion, may be falling into this trap. My belief that it's what is in our hearts is what makes us racist and not always confirmed by our deeds.

I think it's unfair to criticise a lady on fab who posts that she only wants BBC.

Now if she is a racist in her heart and she removes the wording then she is still a racist.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think the dictionary has been looked at during this thread, some obscure words being thrown about in here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Let’s assume you reply with “no thanks” and the person responds asking why? Then what? Be honest and say I’m not attracted to people of your race? How does that then avoid the offence you’re suggesting is a problem from having it stated on your profile? You aren't obliged to ever say anything, No thanks should ALWAYS be sufficient. If it's somehow not, then that's the other person becoming an issue as a person, not a demographic."

So your point is, it’s ok for a person not to find someone of a certain race attractive, so long as they don’t directly express that?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We must be racist then as we have it on out profile aint nobody got time to reply to every message saying not our type or so on so we put it on our profile so it saves wasting time thay can clearly see on our profile we will not meet them so they dont message simple and we are not changing it so if u dont like it don't read it x

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By *ssex_tomMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford

To look at this from another perspective..

Is it so bad to be a racialist?

If my next door neighbour was the Alf Garnet character then I would not share his views but I would still chat over the garden fence, water his tomatoes when he is on holiday etc..

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By *ntrepid Explorers OP   Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham


"I think it's unfair to criticise a lady on fab who posts that she only wants BBC.

Now if she is a racist in her heart and she removes the wording then she is still a racist.

"

That certainly feels inherently wrong to me too. I try and defer on that sort of thing though, I don't know the dynamics of the situation, if they tend to differ from more regular play.

I know you didn't aim that compliment at me personally, but thanks for your input so far too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"To look at this from another perspective..

Is it so bad to be a racialist?

If my next door neighbour was the Alf Garnet character then I would not share his views but I would still chat over the garden fence, water his tomatoes when he is on holiday etc.. "

Water his what!! Filthy animal

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By *ntrepid Explorers OP   Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham


"To look at this from another perspective..

Is it so bad to be a racialist?

If my next door neighbour was the Alf Garnet character then I would not share his views but I would still chat over the garden fence, water his tomatoes when he is on holiday etc.. "

I *think* i read that Warren Mitchell was appalled to find people actively liked Alf, and supported him.

TBH though, I wouldn't talk to someone like that. I have cut connections with family members over issues like this. I'm a bit aspie, so I think that makes it hard to see past for me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think the dictionary has been looked at during this thread, some obscure words being thrown about in here"

Haha. I personally haven’t once consulted a dictionary during this thread. I’m just naturally quite educated and bright

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By *ntrepid Explorers OP   Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham


"I think the dictionary has been looked at during this thread, some obscure words being thrown about in here

Haha. I personally haven’t once consulted a dictionary during this thread. I’m just naturally quite educated and bright "

It shows, and your contribution is really appreciated.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think the dictionary has been looked at during this thread, some obscure words being thrown about in here

Haha. I personally haven’t once consulted a dictionary during this thread. I’m just naturally quite educated and bright "

Did you know its get your tits out Thursday in Newcastle, hey its Thursday!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well if iv learned one thing from fab is that 100% of us aren't racist, or break the speed limit

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By *aomilatteCouple
over a year ago

Midlands


"I think the dictionary has been looked at during this thread, some obscure words being thrown about in here

Haha. I personally haven’t once consulted a dictionary during this thread. I’m just naturally quite educated and bright

Did you know its get your tits out Thursday in Newcastle, hey its Thursday!! "
Isn’t every day in Newcastle get your tits out?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think the dictionary has been looked at during this thread, some obscure words being thrown about in here

Haha. I personally haven’t once consulted a dictionary during this thread. I’m just naturally quite educated and bright

Did you know its get your tits out Thursday in Newcastle, hey its Thursday!! Isn’t every day in Newcastle get your tits out? "

Woooooaaa a some hot women on today!!

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By *ssex_tomMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford

Well if I had Alf Garnet on one side and OP on the other O would talk to both over the garden fence. Now if OP said to me, I am not talking to you because you talk to Alf then life starts getting complicated..

I think it best to let people post as they think fit. It says more about them than us. If I deduce from a profile that they dislike bi men then it actually helps me to decide if I want to message them. If they are saying they don't dislike bi men but they don't want sex with them I respect that too. I would not ask them to refrain from posting as they wish though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think the dictionary has been looked at during this thread, some obscure words being thrown about in here

Haha. I personally haven’t once consulted a dictionary during this thread. I’m just naturally quite educated and bright

Did you know its get your tits out Thursday in Newcastle, hey its Thursday!! Isn’t every day in Newcastle get your tits out? "

Well.... 1) I’m not technically in Newcastle at the present moment, and 2) I’m not originally from here so I wouldn’t know what their usual practices are.

However, for the right person, I can confirm I would most definitely get them out

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"

So the same thing happens here. If you post you don't want black or asian people to message you, whatever YOUR motivations are it is still 100% fair for that to be interpreted as racist, and so therefore is IT a racist message. It doesn't seem right to put the onus on those living under the cloud of potential racist abuse day in day out to have to judge if the profile they are reading is racist or not. Why not just prefer a scenario where there is no reason to think that in the first place, by just not saying it?"

The key word in all that is "interpreted" and IMHO your interpretation is taking things to extremes and assuming the worst in people - just like those that jumped all over Danny Baker did.

I don't deny that racism is sadly rife and becoming more so in recent years, nor do I deny that *some* people that make that statement on their profiles are probably racist - what I don't agree with however is making a blanket statement that people that have it are being racist either deliberately or inadvertently.

Yes "No blacks, no asians" smacks of the old "No blacks, no Irish, no dogs" thing when you take it at face value and put a racist context to it - and yes there may be better ways to word it but take that context away and it's a simple statement of preference no different from "no bisexual men", "no blondes", "no one over the age of 35", "no one with hair" or any of the other myriad of things we have preferences about.

It's how we as individuals choose to interpret it as much as the original intent, and sometimes I think that interpretation can place too much emphasis on the wrong thing and blow it put of proportion without actually appreciating context and facts.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think the dictionary has been looked at during this thread, some obscure words being thrown about in here

Haha. I personally haven’t once consulted a dictionary during this thread. I’m just naturally quite educated and bright

Did you know its get your tits out Thursday in Newcastle, hey its Thursday!! Isn’t every day in Newcastle get your tits out?

Well.... 1) I’m not technically in Newcastle at the present moment, and 2) I’m not originally from here so I wouldn’t know what their usual practices are.

However, for the right person, I can confirm I would most definitely get them out "

I think I'm in love

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By *aomilatteCouple
over a year ago

Midlands


"I think the dictionary has been looked at during this thread, some obscure words being thrown about in here

Haha. I personally haven’t once consulted a dictionary during this thread. I’m just naturally quite educated and bright

Did you know its get your tits out Thursday in Newcastle, hey its Thursday!! Isn’t every day in Newcastle get your tits out?

Well.... 1) I’m not technically in Newcastle at the present moment, and 2) I’m not originally from here so I wouldn’t know what their usual practices are.

However, for the right person, I can confirm I would most definitely get them out "
Que Tsunami

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley


"I am of Indian/Irish/Italian mix. It seems the OPs problem seems to be, somebody stating on their profile that they don't want to meet ABC rather than not wanting to meet ABC.

If am going to spend time chatting to someone on here, and after a ping pong of messages I discover they won't see me because of race, cock size, height etc. Am going to think why not put it on your profile and save us both f...ing time. So I actually prefer the profile to state no ABC whatever.

In the past I dated 2 white ladies who stated they would never date a Chinese guy. I didn't class them racist as they would date Asian, Black and white guys but not Chinese. It was a simple preference.

So to you ladies and gents out there that do not wish to meet Asian or Black people please state it on your profile. It saves both parties time.

But here you've split the issue too far apart, however you feel. My suggestion is to just delete the message, or reply with a simple no thanks. You shouldn't deny there are alternatives to the two extremes you discuss, that's quite disingenuous to the conversation.

I really think your spending too much time and energy on being offended on behalf of a group of people who probably aren't as offended as you think they should be.

"

This, people don't need you to be offended on their behalf.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

So the same thing happens here. If you post you don't want black or asian people to message you, whatever YOUR motivations are it is still 100% fair for that to be interpreted as racist, and so therefore is IT a racist message. It doesn't seem right to put the onus on those living under the cloud of potential racist abuse day in day out to have to judge if the profile they are reading is racist or not. Why not just prefer a scenario where there is no reason to think that in the first place, by just not saying it?

The key word in all that is "interpreted" and IMHO your interpretation is taking things to extremes and assuming the worst in people - just like those that jumped all over Danny Baker did.

I don't deny that racism is sadly rife and becoming more so in recent years, nor do I deny that *some* people that make that statement on their profiles are probably racist - what I don't agree with however is making a blanket statement that people that have it are being racist either deliberately or inadvertently.

Yes "No blacks, no asians" smacks of the old "No blacks, no Irish, no dogs" thing when you take it at face value and put a racist context to it - and yes there may be better ways to word it but take that context away and it's a simple statement of preference no different from "no bisexual men", "no blondes", "no one over the age of 35", "no one with hair" or any of the other myriad of things we have preferences about.

It's how we as individuals choose to interpret it as much as the original intent, and sometimes I think that interpretation can place too much emphasis on the wrong thing and blow it put of proportion without actually appreciating context and facts."

I didn't read all that but.. Well said

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By *ssex_tomMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford


"

So the same thing happens here. If you post you don't want black or asian people to message you, whatever YOUR motivations are it is still 100% fair for that to be interpreted as racist, and so therefore is IT a racist message. It doesn't seem right to put the onus on those living under the cloud of potential racist abuse day in day out to have to judge if the profile they are reading is racist or not. Why not just prefer a scenario where there is no reason to think that in the first place, by just not saying it?

The key word in all that is "interpreted" and IMHO your interpretation is taking things to extremes and assuming the worst in people - just like those that jumped all over Danny Baker did.

I don't deny that racism is sadly rife and becoming more so in recent years, nor do I deny that *some* people that make that statement on their profiles are probably racist - what I don't agree with however is making a blanket statement that people that have it are being racist either deliberately or inadvertently.

Yes "No blacks, no asians" smacks of the old "No blacks, no Irish, no dogs" thing when you take it at face value and put a racist context to it - and yes there may be better ways to word it but take that context away and it's a simple statement of preference no different from "no bisexual men", "no blondes", "no one over the age of 35", "no one with hair" or any of the other myriad of things we have preferences about.

It's how we as individuals choose to interpret it as much as the original intent, and sometimes I think that interpretation can place too much emphasis on the wrong thing and blow it put of proportion without actually appreciating context and facts."

Well said GM. I 100% agree.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe the OP could post an example of the correct way to word a profile without causing offence?

Surely the way forward, that way we can see what their perceived ideal is, then discuss that?

Less controversial perhaps?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This thread subject is repetitive even by my standards...

Yet people still have these unpleasant thing in their profiles... why isn't it changing?"

Stating that you won't meet anyone over or under a certain age is unforgivable too as it's ageist. And stating you won't meet any gender is horrible sexism in the extreme.

Saying you won't meet stupid people is also intellectual snobbery, a despicable trait.

What everyone should have on their profiles is "Looking for fun with all." Then merely reply to the multitude of messages that are actually no use with a "Thanks but no thanks".

It may take a couple of hours a day, and raise the hopes of some to actually rebutt them, but it makes you a better human being.

B

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By *ssex_tomMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford

Alternatively, we could all send our profiles to the OP for approval before going to press. Bit like a state run newspaper and those who digress from the no racist party line. .. well there are camps for people like those...

Right, off to water my tomatoes

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By *ntrepid Explorers OP   Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham


"

So the same thing happens here. If you post you don't want black or asian people to message you, whatever YOUR motivations are it is still 100% fair for that to be interpreted as racist, and so therefore is IT a racist message. It doesn't seem right to put the onus on those living under the cloud of potential racist abuse day in day out to have to judge if the profile they are reading is racist or not. Why not just prefer a scenario where there is no reason to think that in the first place, by just not saying it?

The key word in all that is "interpreted" and IMHO your interpretation is taking things to extremes and assuming the worst in people - just like those that jumped all over Danny Baker did.

I don't deny that racism is sadly rife and becoming more so in recent years, nor do I deny that *some* people that make that statement on their profiles are probably racist - what I don't agree with however is making a blanket statement that people that have it are being racist either deliberately or inadvertently.

Yes "No blacks, no asians" smacks of the old "No blacks, no Irish, no dogs" thing when you take it at face value and put a racist context to it - and yes there may be better ways to word it but take that context away and it's a simple statement of preference no different from "no bisexual men", "no blondes", "no one over the age of 35", "no one with hair" or any of the other myriad of things we have preferences about.

It's how we as individuals choose to interpret it as much as the original intent, and sometimes I think that interpretation can place too much emphasis on the wrong thing and blow it put of proportion without actually appreciating context and facts."

Right, that again makes a lot of sense, and I will absolutely continue to tell guys they're too hairy to join my wife and I.

Is there not a fundamental dividing line though when the type of discrimination aligns with existing major systemic forms of discrimination in society. I get very tired of ginger jokes, but I know that that's absurd to think is genuinely significant in the world.

As I think I said to someone else, I think it's reasonable that the burden of interpretation of any given comment shouldn't be left to those being affected by it? Just a case of pulling that responsibility back to those making the statements is reasonable? If you can appreciate a reasonable chance of it being interpreted negatively, whatever your intent, then maybe it's not a good idea?

There's a hell of a lot less bum pinching going on in offices these days, and I doubt there's a huge change in how women respond to it on average. That's progress I'd say.

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By *ntrepid Explorers OP   Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham


"Maybe the OP could post an example of the correct way to word a profile without causing offence?

Surely the way forward, that way we can see what their perceived ideal is, then discuss that?

Less controversial perhaps? "

How about something like this:

There, just that... nothing. Just don't say it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People are free to write what they want on their profiles within the rules really.

But yes “no blacks or Asians” is negative although as a black person myself it doesn’t offend me.

Stating “seeking white men” is far better than “no blacks”. I state similar on my profile. You can have a preference and state it positively.

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By *ntrepid Explorers OP   Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham


"People are free to write what they want on their profiles within the rules really.

But yes “no blacks or Asians” is negative although as a black person myself it doesn’t offend me.

Stating “seeking white men” is far better than “no blacks”. I state similar on my profile. You can have a preference and state it positively."

Very well put, thanks for your perspective!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"People are free to write what they want on their profiles within the rules really.

But yes “no blacks or Asians” is negative although as a black person myself it doesn’t offend me.

Stating “seeking white men” is far better than “no blacks”. I state similar on my profile. You can have a preference and state it positively."

I agree.

Even if I'm not the type they don't want to meet, it would put me off them if they are very rude or negative. So I'd prefer if they kept it in their profile.

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley


"Maybe the OP could post an example of the correct way to word a profile without causing offence?

Surely the way forward, that way we can see what their perceived ideal is, then discuss that?

Less controversial perhaps?

How about something like this:

There, just that... nothing. Just don't say it."

Or....you could calmly step down from your soapbox and allow the real victims of racism to get upset or offended by something that affects them, not you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Not sure this will go down well, but here goes...

If you have "no blacks and asians" or similar in your profile, can I suggest you take a few minutes to think about those words, and possibly remove them?

There's a BIG difference between having a preference for who you will and won't meet and broadcasting that preference to the world. Please please please don't confuse these two things. It's not about changing what you want, just how you manage it.

If you don't want to meet those people, then just delete their message, or give a polite no thank you. I can only imagine how miserable it must be to read again and again that you aren't worthy of talking to another member here because of the colour of your skin. I originally wrote "told" instead of "read" there but... they aren't being told, you're not even willing to communicate with them at the same level.

Saying "no offence, lol xx" doesn't stop it being offensive.

Your efficiency, your simple, harmless message, is racist, even if you don't think it is. You're not the one reading it.

I'm a mixed race person - black/Asian, and this annoys me. You're a white person. What the hell has this got to do with you? I get really fed up with perma-guilty white people who speak for me and my race when I'm perfectly capable of speaking for myself - that's the only racist aspect here. I don't give a flying fanny fart if someone puts "no blacks or Asians" on their profile on a site like this. It's a preference - no different to not wanting to meet gay people if you're straight, or an age preference. You don't speak for me."

Absolutely spot on.

If there’s one thing I’m sick of, it’s people getting offended on my behalf. Not just here but everywhere.

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By *ntrepid Explorers OP   Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham


"Or....you could calmly step down from your soapbox and allow the real victims of racism to get upset or offended by something that affects them, not you."
That's not how an intelligent, progressive society improves.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its a preference, doesnt mean your racist. I have friends from all cultures... but on my profile i had 'not looking for black/asian certainly doesnt mean im racist im just not attracted to black/indian/Pakistani women ect.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"As I think I said to someone else, I think it's reasonable that the burden of interpretation of any given comment shouldn't be left to those being affected by it? Just a case of pulling that responsibility back to those making the statements is reasonable? If you can appreciate a reasonable chance of it being interpreted negatively, whatever your intent, then maybe it's not a good idea?

There's a hell of a lot less bum pinching going on in offices these days, and I doubt there's a huge change in how women respond to it on average. That's progress I'd say."

The burden of interpretation and intent actually lies in both directions - I think there are *some* who *choose* to become far too easily and often on behalf of others as you have done - but there is also no denying as I said further up that sometimes chosen wording could be done a lot better.

We see it all the times in the forums where someone posts something contentious and it is interpreted as such and they then come back to clarify their intent and it's completely different from the interpretation - now some do so deliberately as a means of backing out of something said contentiously but often it's a genuine case of intent vs interpretation - neither was right, but then neither was wrong.

In this textual world we live in, intent and interpretation are often confused because they're not backed up by real life interaction that helps solidify the intent in the first place.

And I really don't think what you are highlighting is any different - we *all* as individuals collectively have a responsibility not only to not be offensive but also to not be so easily offended - it's a fine balancing act at times I grant you, but it can be done.

As a bisexual man I see profiles that state 'no bisexual men' - it doesn't bother me in the slightest and if anyone got upset about it on my behalf I'd tell them not to be stupid.

If I saw a profile that said 'no bisexual men they're all disease ridden cock whores' then that would be somewhat different.

Likewise, and I don't see it as any different from the example that would affect me, I stand by the fact that simply expressing a preference for 'no blacks, no asians' is not in itself inherently racist.

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