FabSwingers.com forum: Funny ....

By *hloe sussex OP TV/TS
over a year ago

Larne

Sayings or quotes you have heard , my dad used to say to me “ if brains were dynamite you wouldn’t have enough to blow your hat off “ hopefully he said it in a jokey way , I forgive him lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My dad was a taxi driver many years ago and if a customer asked if they could smoke he'd reply 'You can burst into fecking flames for all I care...'

Peach x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I use

'strength of a spring onion'

'scramble egg for brains'

Regularly

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You couldn't empty water from a boot if the instructions were on the heel"

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By *iddlesticksMan
over a year ago

My nan’s spare room.

""You couldn't empty water from a boot if the instructions were on the heel""

I like that one.

I remember my dad chastising the lazy teenager that I was with.

“I’ve seen more go in a soluble aspirin.”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not exactly a quote,more of a statement I heard when a lass in a pub was pissed oF by a guys advances.

If your dicks so big why don't you bend over backwards and go fuck yourself!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Love these

I'm taking notes so I can traumatise my daughter in the future

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

My favourite when someone is being really argumentative is " I never enter into a battle of wits with an unarmed person"

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By *lbinoGorillaMan
over a year ago

Redditch

My dad always used to say we "hadn't got the brains of a gnat"

Others I like include:

If this was a stick of rock it'd have 'disaster' written right through it

(Immediately after some thing's gone wrong) What did you learn?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"he's so lazy he's got a snooze button in his smoke alarm"

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

'I wouldn't piss on you if you was on fire'

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

My personal favourite is a Welsh one which essentially translates as

As useful as a fart in a jam jar

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

Conversation between my Dad and my lad ....

Dad - if you’re head wasn’t screwed on you’d lose it

Lad - well I wouldn’t be looking for it as I’d be dead and your room covered in blood

Then he ran !

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By *ooking4othersMan
over a year ago

Here ...

When I value your opinion I will ask for it.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

When I say to my dad

"I'm not stupid you know"

He replies

"Well you've had me fooled"

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By *rebs001Man
over a year ago

Widnes

as useful as a chocolate fireguard

couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery

couldn't score in a brothel

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My mum always said "don't look at me in that tone of voice it smells a funny colour" always confused me and my brothers...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My dad always used to say to me and my brother when we we're arsing about..."if you break you legs don't come running to me..."

Fuzz

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By *ssex_tomMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford

[Removed by poster at 10/10/19 15:37:53]

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By *ssex_tomMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford

[Removed by poster at 10/10/19 15:37:50]

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By *ssex_tomMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford

As much use as a one legged man in an arse kicking contest

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By *ookingaboutMan
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

Love them folks. Stolen a few for future use.

My contribution

I have neither the time or the crayons to explain it to you

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