FabSwingers.com forum: ex

By *all-Eddies Qos OP Couple
over a year ago

wirral

i am fuming....again made to be the bad guy as I am refusing to let the kids see their dad as he is not consistant with them, refuses to contribute towards their upkeep and asks me for money, usually for drugs.

cant get a contact order, he has to apply for one.

so as usual its me whos got to explain to crying children who just wanna see their dad. GOD

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

your poor kids, maybe you should let him see them, nobodys perfect are they.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

surely its better for them to have a relationship with their dad even if he doesn't pay for them?

love costs nothing

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By *all-Eddies Qos OP Couple
over a year ago

wirral

i dont think its good for the kids to see their dad regularly then not for 7 months

my daughter seen him buying a bag of white powder and called her a lying bitch when confronted.

i just dont wanna have to be the one explaining why.....noone wants to make their kids feel bad but i am not preparred to put them through danger and pain either x

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By *all-Eddies Qos OP Couple
over a year ago

wirral

"surely its better for them to have a relationship with their dad even if he doesn't pay for them?

love costs nothing"

i dont want money....he cant even feed them himself as he spends his money on drugs

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

let him see them at a contact centre

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

it is hard to comment without knowing (or wanting to) the details of the situation.

maybe meet up in a park so they get to see him but you are able to monitor the situation.

try not to let your own dislike / hatred for him affect the relationship the kids have with their dad.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it's better seeing the father whenever, even if not available for 7 months in between. Better than nothing. Just saying, as I come from a broken home myself.

But if he takes drugs while he's with them that's unacceptable. But then as we know how many parents drink a lot too and they look after children....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"surely its better for them to have a relationship with their dad even if he doesn't pay for them?

love costs nothing

i dont want money....he cant even feed them himself as he spends his money on drugs"

Can you not get him to meet you near your house - in a park - lovely sunny day and give the kids money for lunch - even have a friend look out for them - it is hard but that way he cannot fling anything at you later and hopefully the kids and him get to spend some time together - if not you have tried.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

good points about him meeting the kids somewhere supervised or you just stay with them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think it's better seeing the father whenever, even if not available for 7 months in between. Better than nothing. Just saying, as I come from a broken home myself.

But if he takes drugs while he's with them that's unacceptable. But then as we know how many parents drink a lot too and they look after children.... "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

look on www.direct.gov.uk under family mediation they have lots of advice about how you can sort this out from your side.

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By *all-Eddies Qos OP Couple
over a year ago

wirral

"I think it's better seeing the father whenever, even if not available for 7 months in between. Better than nothing. Just saying, as I come from a broken home myself.

But if he takes drugs while he's with them that's unacceptable. But then as we know how many parents drink a lot too and they look after children.... "

i went through exactly the same thing as a child, my mother was a smack head and my dad had custody (now called parental responsibilty) i was let down week after week by my mother...all i thought and still think is that she choose drugs over me. the 7 months he did not see them for was his choice....not due to not being available, he was 5 miles away in his flat. he DID NOT want to see them.obviously i want to let them see him, but if by doing so i am putting them in danger or he is just gonna get bored or whatever then surely its better for them not to have the whole upset again and again.

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By *all-Eddies Qos OP Couple
over a year ago

wirral

"I think it's better seeing the father whenever, even if not available for 7 months in between. Better than nothing. Just saying, as I come from a broken home myself.

But if he takes drugs while he's with them that's unacceptable. But then as we know how many parents drink a lot too and they look after children....

just because many people do it doesnt make it ok......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

you have got to do whats right by the kids , if their dad is a junkie ,drugs are his only concern , if it was me , i would say fuck off and come back when you are clean

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By *all-Eddies Qos OP Couple
over a year ago

wirral

yeah...thats how i feel....my girls know hes on grugs as they have seen him and old enough to know....my boys onkly 3 and 5 and dont....cant tell them the truth though x

fooking hate all this shit.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i feel for you , kids are the most important thing in the world

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"you have got to do whats right by the kids , if their dad is a junkie ,drugs are his only concern , if it was me , i would say fuck off and come back when you are clean "

I agree. I know the kids want to see him but you have to think of their safety. Also they might think his lifestyle is normal or ok. Depends on how old they are too.

I have a similar situation with my ex. He's a d*unk, so I let my son go round during the day but definitely not overnight. Sending you some hugs. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its hard on things like this..

I always think that as long as you try your hardest to keep contact too both parents then that is all you can do.

Try mediation.. it is often a very good way.. adn as you have to log in for that.. if he fails to turn up, at least you have others to show it wasnt you.. ie you were there with your kids.

Set dates and times for him... if he doesnt turn up, then its his loss..

I used to help with families need fathers.. so I have seen it from the other side when mothers use the kids against the fathers..( not saying your doing that btw.. just saying I have seen it the other way around)

Its hard when there are difficult circumstances.. but trust me the courts will let all men see their children... I know this as my ex was a nasty piece of work.. convicted of quite a few violent crimes against women, and kicked my son so hard he left a boot imprint on his backside.. YET 9 years down the line, when he wanted access I was MADE to give it him

Cali

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

this really is a difficult one, i agree all kids should see their dads (and mums) as often as they can, but for me it has to be in the kids best interest and welfare.

I am one of the few single dads, my ex never ever used the kids as a tool for her own selfish needs, now the boot is on the other foot, i am exactly the same as she was, they are never deprived from visiting their mum as often as they can.

with reference to the drug situation, no one should ever be under the influence of drugs when children are in their care, i think the missing 7 months are due to the uncontrollable grip that drugs can have on people, nothing else in the world matters apart fron the next 'hit' and until your ex realises he has a problem himself, he will constantly be 'chasing the dragon' so to speak.

I hope things work out for you and your kids, as long as they have 1 parent there that loves and nurtures them, they will do just fine

what i would suggest is not to rant and rave about their dad to them, as this will destroy any bond they may have, and also make you seem bitter and twisted, which is not a good look for your kids to see.

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By *ovedupstillCouple
over a year ago

mullinwire

my feelings on the matter are thus.

you HAVE to allow your kids to see him.

not knowing how old they are is a little difficult, but they arent stupid.

they will soon make thier own minds up that their dad is a waster and then they can make the choice.

you make the choice for them and its something he may be able to use in court when/if he gets his shit sorted out.

let the kids decide and he basically has no leg to stand on.

you have to be very careful not to allow your own dislike for him to cloud your kids love for their father.

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By *all-Eddies Qos OP Couple
over a year ago

wirral

Can't do right for doing wrong. I despair. Glad softlads over tonight. Neeeeeeeeeeed hugs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

shit man they should change the name of this site to the jezza kyle show ffs....

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"shit man they should change the name of this site to the jezza kyle show ffs....

Why ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

just a light harted joke ....however it is a swinging site but am no bothered either way so lets no start with the abuse eh!! lol

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By *ovedupstillCouple
over a year ago

mullinwire

"Can't do right for doing wrong. I despair. Glad softlads over tonight. Neeeeeeeeeeed hugs"

no, your wrong, you are their mother and have thier best interests at heart, and im ure anyone can read that.

but, without just cause you cant just decide to stop him seeing them.

if you have a genuine reason, take it to the courts as thats what they are here for.

get a court order either banning him for all the reasons you have listed, or a supervision order, ensuring his visits are supervised by a court approved person.

he fucks that up, the courts can take any access away in a heart beat, and you have done nothing wrong

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