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The forgotten child

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By *oxy_minx OP   Woman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

Have you ever experienced this? And if so how have you or do you deal with it? Parent seems to deny it is happening, siblings who cause more problems by their own behaviour yet you are meant to be the back bone of the family, yet when you need their emotional support they just don't get it!

Do you just ignore their behaviour or pulled them up on it?

I will admit, I have done both and still not had an acknowledgment let alone apology so I guess it is never coming, just one of those things you have the accept I suppose, yet the funny thing is my siblings feel I am the favoured child! It's funny how the mind perceives

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By *imited 3EditionCouple
over a year ago

Live in Scotland Play in England

I don't understand... how might a child be the cause of problems but also the backbone of the family?

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By *oxy_minx OP   Woman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen


"Have you ever experienced this? And if so how have you or do you deal with it? Parent seems to deny it is happening, siblings who cause more problems by their own behaviour yet you are meant to be the back bone of the family, yet when you need their emotional support they just don't get it!

Do you just ignore their behaviour or pulled them up on it?

I will admit, I have done both and still not had an acknowledgment let alone apology so I guess it is never coming, just one of those things you have the accept I suppose, yet the funny thing is my siblings feel I am the favoured child! It's funny how the mind perceives "

My actual question was, how do you deal with it and does it ever grind you down? As sometimes I do want to scream FFS I am here as well!

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I had something similar, then a really awful situation unfolded with my brother and I ended up walking away from them all.

Ultimately, as harsh as it sounds, if a situation is toxic and negative for you then why continue?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

stop being the back bone of the family

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

My dynamic is different (I'm the scapegoat), but equally I feel I'm innocent and powerless to change anything. I feel your pain, OP.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

truth is family dynamics rarely change. The only thing we can do is make changes individually eg by stopping fulfilling our accepted role or at least refusing to cooperate

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By *oxy_minx OP   Woman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

The funny thing is, I seem to have accepted this role, I am the 'to complain about them all' person, yet when I needed support I didn't get it! which surprised me to be honest and really cut to the quick!

Yet my biggest ally was my dad (long story!) And I couldn't have done it without him!

Maybe because I don't have children is the reason why I don't get it, but why do the neediest and harder getting on with kids get all the attention get the back bone one's get thought about ' well, their strong, they'll get over it'?

We all have our weakness at the end of the day and can only take so much, well that is my thought, please leave your own!

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"truth is family dynamics rarely change. The only thing we can do is make changes individually eg by stopping fulfilling our accepted role or at least refusing to cooperate "

Yes. I've stopped fighting it and disengaged, mostly. Things have improved a lot. At least for me.

If others want things to improve in my family, they know where I am and they know how to treat people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My brother has alwaýs been the golden child me the screw up.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

OP, what would happen if you backed off? "oh, sorry you're going through that, I've got enough on my plate right now" then nothing else? Let the chips fall where they may for them?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im middle child. Im the disappointment.

my brothers can do no wrong

My parents always relied on me.

I was craving their approval so bent over backwards for them

I had counselling a few years ago unrelated to my parents however unravelling my life showed my upbringing/parents played a major part in why I needed the counselling

it was like a light switching on for the first time. I told them to fuck off and haven't spoken to them since

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"Im middle child. Im the disappointment.

my brothers can do no wrong

My parents always relied on me.

I was craving their approval so bent over backwards for them

I had counselling a few years ago unrelated to my parents however unravelling my life showed my upbringing/parents played a major part in why I needed the counselling

it was like a light switching on for the first time. I told them to fuck off and haven't spoken to them since

"

hugs if you want them

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38


"The funny thing is, I seem to have accepted this role, I am the 'to complain about them all' person, yet when I needed support I didn't get it! which surprised me to be honest and really cut to the quick!

Yet my biggest ally was my dad (long story!) And I couldn't have done it without him!

Maybe because I don't have children is the reason why I don't get it, but why do the neediest and harder getting on with kids get all the attention get the back bone one's get thought about ' well, their strong, they'll get over it'?

We all have our weakness at the end of the day and can only take so much, well that is my thought, please leave your own!"

It is because they are the neediest that you may feel that your parents give them more in terms of support or even financially but that doesn't mean that you are thought of any less than them. I have one of these kids. But even so, if you need support they should be there for you also.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Im middle child. Im the disappointment.

my brothers can do no wrong

My parents always relied on me.

I was craving their approval so bent over backwards for them

I had counselling a few years ago unrelated to my parents however unravelling my life showed my upbringing/parents played a major part in why I needed the counselling

it was like a light switching on for the first time. I told them to fuck off and haven't spoken to them since

hugs if you want them"

aw thank you. I'm honestly good, best thing I ever did. x

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By *oxy_minx OP   Woman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

I honestly don't know where to go from here, yes I feel used to a certain extent that I am always used as a sounding board or mostly just someone to vent at and I can accept that, hell I have no idea why I created this thread!

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38


"I honestly don't know where to go from here, yes I feel used to a certain extent that I am always used as a sounding board or mostly just someone to vent at and I can accept that, hell I have no idea why I created this thread! "

sometimes it's just good to talk and it can be as simple as that. It's good to.pit things into perspective x

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By *adbury girlWoman
over a year ago

Lanarkshire

My mum thinks I can cope with anything and I mostly do although have a great support network around me.

When I was in Tunisia during the terrorist attacks with two of my sons lots of people messaged me to see if I was Ok but my mum took a few days to contact me. Not because she doesn’t care or love me she just knew I would be fine.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I honestly don't know where to go from here, yes I feel used to a certain extent that I am always used as a sounding board or mostly just someone to vent at and I can accept that, hell I have no idea why I created this thread! "

Because you needed to vent .

It’s not going to change OP, a person’s role in the family seems to be fixed. But. It seems to me that your relatives really do need you as both their sounding board and their strength.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I honestly don't know where to go from here, yes I feel used to a certain extent that I am always used as a sounding board or mostly just someone to vent at and I can accept that, hell I have no idea why I created this thread! "

sometimes putting your thoughts or feelings in black & white helps you focus/see things a little clearer x

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