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Zombies

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Ok,

So we all know that atm zombies aren't a real threat, but what if they were...

What would your plan be?

who would you try to save first? where would you hide etc etc?

and how would you react if someone you loved was a zombie?

( listening to the sound track to 28 days later... if you were wondering where this thread idea came from)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Are we talking slow, stumbling, 'Day of the Dead/Shaun of the Dead' style undead here or speedy, mobile, clever '28 Days Later' walking corpses?

If the first, then shouldn't be too hard to avoid and evade (much like being at Cribbs Causeway at sale time!) - if the latter - steal a very large, fast car and get the hell out of town running down as many as possible in the process and then stealing a nice boat and after raiding the shelves at tesco's (*other supermarkets are available!) set off on a nice cruise with some scantilly clad female company!! (Not forgetting the sun cream!)

As for if someone I loved was a zombie? Baseball bat/golf club/shotgun to the head - it's a mercy killing!! Either that or just point them in the direction of the Houses of Parliament and let them feast away!

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By *ANWIDGESCouple
over a year ago

DONCASTER

LMAO, you have obviously not been to ASDA in Doncaster on a Friday night have you...

If somebody i loved was a zombie i would keep them in a cage and feed them chicken legs and stuff, you don't shoot somebody you love, that's just cruel...

I'd save as many Milfs with big boobs as i could but if they want me to protect them properly they are not allowed to wear anything when they are doing the ironing...

My plan would be to take over the Island that Richard Branson lives on, i would feed him to my brother in the cage and live the rest of my days watching naked women ironing my trousers.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Are we talking slow, stumbling, 'Day of the Dead/Shaun of the Dead' style undead here or speedy, mobile, clever '28 Days Later' walking corpses?

If the first, then shouldn't be too hard to avoid and evade (much like being at Cribbs Causeway at sale time!) - if the latter - steal a very large, fast car and get the hell out of town running down as many as possible in the process and then stealing a nice boat and after raiding the shelves at tesco's (*other supermarkets are available!) set off on a nice cruise with some scantilly clad female company!! (Not forgetting the sun cream!)

As for if someone I loved was a zombie? Baseball bat/golf club/shotgun to the head - it's a mercy killing!! Either that or just point them in the direction of the Houses of Parliament and let them feast away! "

28 days later, running zombies i think.. much more interesting lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd set my youngest onto them ....... he's a teenager, he'd know how to communicate .... OR he's a dab hand at zombie elimination on his x-box games so he'd hold them off while I did a runner with the dogs.

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By *heekychezzaWoman
over a year ago

warrington


"Ok,

[listening to the sound track to 28 days later... if you were wondering where this thread idea came from)"

I always understood the term "zombies" to mean re-animated corpses .....erm....

in 28 days later (and the sequel 28 weeks later) - there were NO zombies!!!!!! Just humans infected with rage.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Ok,

[listening to the sound track to 28 days later... if you were wondering where this thread idea came from)

I always understood the term "zombies" to mean re-animated corpses .....erm....

in 28 days later (and the sequel 28 weeks later) - there were NO zombies!!!!!! Just humans infected with rage. "

My apologies... 28 days later is listed under zombie movies in most cases,... i am no zombie expert so i just go with what i am told by "the man" whoever he is lol

OK so zombies that run.. in the style of 28 days later but not infected with a rage virus....

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By *he Ring WraithMan
over a year ago

Bradford

I would go to the zombie eating dog shop and buy the biggest zombie eating dog they had.

(or buy one off eb** they may be cheaper there)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I would go to the zombie eating dog shop and buy the biggest zombie eating dog they had.

(or buy one off eb** they may be cheaper there)"

Ah - but surely if the dog bites a zombie - it will in turn become one itself? And zombie dogs are definately a bad idea - i've seen resident evil!! (Or are they - like the 28 days later corpses not considered proper zombies?)

Or is my understanding of zombies and biting flawed?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd stay in my flat ... I think it's pretty impenetrable by zombies, and wait for it all to blow over ... they're bound to die off once their food source runs out.

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By *heekychezzaWoman
over a year ago

warrington


"I'd stay in my flat ... I think it's pretty impenetrable by zombies, and wait for it all to blow over ... they're bound to die off once their food source runs out.

"

ah...but zombies are already dead

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'd stay in my flat ... I think it's pretty impenetrable by zombies, and wait for it all to blow over ... they're bound to die off once their food source runs out.

ah...but zombies are already dead "

You know what i mean!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'd stay in my flat ... I think it's pretty impenetrable by zombies, and wait for it all to blow over ... they're bound to die off once their food source runs out.

ah...but zombies are already dead "

Yep - and a starving zombie will be twice as bad - i've seen what happens when there's a long queue of pissed up chavs at the local kebab house on a saturday night - and if that's anything to go by - hungry zombies = bad news!!

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By *heekychezzaWoman
over a year ago

warrington


"

OK so zombies that run.. in the style of 28 days later but not infected with a rage virus.... "

ok...ok....so Either Zombies or rage-infected humans....well I think the best chance would be to get a boat (well stocked with essentials - bottled water, food, condoms, lube - and a few sexy people and sail out into the middle on an ocean/sea.....and eventually look for a smallish uninhabited island

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By *heekychezzaWoman
over a year ago

warrington

...mind you I'd want a boat with it's own generator so I could still plug in my magic wand

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By *unky monkeyMan
over a year ago

in the night garden

First of all Z Day is a clear and present threat and could happen any time now.

Here is my plan, which is almost all in place

First I will befriend several unfit and slow people. These 'friends' will act as a buffer (or buffet) to the hordes of undead. As long as I keep enough of them close I will always have time to escape.

Do not use fire arms! The undead are drawn to the sound, my preferred weapon is the cricket bat. It has a good weight to it and the two different sides are both usefull, the flat side for batting off several zombies, the pointed side for cracking a skull open when in combat with a single zombie.

I already have my hold-up location scoped out and some stockpiling has already took place. I am not going to tell you where it is as I could alert other people to it's location. I will hold up there until all the zombies have eaten all the humans and have then ran out of fuel. As I understand it they will not die but should be in a withered and weakened state at which point I, yes ME! Will defeat them and take over the whole WORLDDDDD!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"First of all Z Day is a clear and present threat and could happen any time now.

Here is my plan, which is almost all in place

First I will befriend several unfit and slow people. These 'friends' will act as a buffer (or buffet) to the hordes of undead. As long as I keep enough of them close I will always have time to escape.

Do not use fire arms! The undead are drawn to the sound, my preferred weapon is the cricket bat. It has a good weight to it and the two different sides are both usefull, the flat side for batting off several zombies, the pointed side for cracking a skull open when in combat with a single zombie.

I already have my hold-up location scoped out and some stockpiling has already took place. I am not going to tell you where it is as I could alert other people to it's location. I will hold up there until all the zombies have eaten all the humans and have then ran out of fuel. As I understand it they will not die but should be in a withered and weakened state at which point I, yes ME! Will defeat them and take over the whole WORLDDDDD! "

...... if your hidey-hole is in The angel of the Norths head, think again........ my sleeping bag is laid out there.

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By *unky monkeyMan
over a year ago

in the night garden


"First of all Z Day is a clear and present threat and could happen any time now.

Here is my plan, which is almost all in place

First I will befriend several unfit and slow people. These 'friends' will act as a buffer (or buffet) to the hordes of undead. As long as I keep enough of them close I will always have time to escape.

Do not use fire arms! The undead are drawn to the sound, my preferred weapon is the cricket bat. It has a good weight to it and the two different sides are both usefull, the flat side for batting off several zombies, the pointed side for cracking a skull open when in combat with a single zombie.

I already have my hold-up location scoped out and some stockpiling has already took place. I am not going to tell you where it is as I could alert other people to it's location. I will hold up there until all the zombies have eaten all the humans and have then ran out of fuel. As I understand it they will not die but should be in a withered and weakened state at which point I, yes ME! Will defeat them and take over the whole WORLDDDDD!

...... if your hidey-hole is in The angel of the Norths head, think again........ my sleeping bag is laid out there. "

Bollocks!

Are you slow at running? If so will you be my friend?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

when looking at houses, i drive my wife mad by asking if its zombie proof, while driving around i often say, "ohh that building looks zombie proof"..to me zombie proof is a good way of describing a house that will withstand civil unrest and attack by people trying to steal what I have. I belive in america the term zombie is used to describe the general population who have no survival preperation incase of natural disaster such as hurricane katrina. e.g the rioters in london are the type of zombie you need to think about. lol..is your house zombie/rioter proof?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I used to have a full-on Zombie phobia would have to check outside before I left the house at night. Whilst on holiday caravaning wouldn't settle until an escape route was planned

A friend bought me the 'Zombie Survival Guide' after careful reading, I realized if we had an 'Outbreak' I'd be pretty much fucked!

Therefore, my considered plan is/was, as soon as an outbreak is announced - Kill myself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

NEWSFLASH.... There's reports coming in of Zombies on the outskirts of Leeds..Don't do it Fia, The lounge will miss ya lol xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I used to have a full-on Zombie phobia would have to check outside before I left the house at night. Whilst on holiday caravaning wouldn't settle until an escape route was planned

A friend bought me the 'Zombie Survival Guide' after careful reading, I realized if we had an 'Outbreak' I'd be pretty much fucked!

Therefore, my considered plan is/was, as soon as an outbreak is announced - Kill myself "

you know they are doing a zombie fighting experience in reading shopping mall.. its on wish...

If you google Wish zombie manor house or wish zombie shopping mall

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

im a huge zombie mark so i would simply reach for my zombie survival guide book and draw on all my knowledge from watching countless zom flicks through the years

aim for the head!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Zombies do exist, we've seen em!

Go to your nearest dogging spot after dark and low and behold there they are hiding behind trees and loitering about, slowly stumbling toward cars.

The only thing that stops them are car headlights, once caught in the beams they freeze in terror and fool themselves into thinking they are invisible!

If its a police car then they vanish in a cloud of dust with eerie noise that sounds like a knackered diesil engine.

If they approach your car and peer inside at you, slide your window down a quarter of an inch and utter the magical words 'can I help you? No? Well fuck off then!!'

As if by magic the ring leader will shuffle of to the cluster of undead leant against said trees they try to hide behind, the leader will utter in zombie lingo "the'duntfuggin'd'owt' which must mean retreat or something similar as they disappear as fast as they appeared!!

Be sure to be vigilant as one or two transform into a kind of limbo state and just stand and stare as nothing you say will deter them, its usually best to move on at this point as they will be stood in the same spot until daylight breaks, they will then transform magically into sunday football league referees and traffic wardens.

Hope this info helps the zombie hunters.

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By *iceguydaveMan
over a year ago

Monmouth

This thread reminds me of the news story from last year about how Bristol City Council responded to a freedom of Information request about their preparedness for a zombie outbreak (after Leicester City Council had to admit they had no contingency plans in place!).

The Bristol document can still be found online, my favourite bit is right at the end under 'Training Opportunities':

"Top tip for Personal Development - staff fully qualified in zombie handling may qualify for partial exemption and accreditation in the training for handling pirate outbreaks, and for spotting the difference between genuine hot air balloons and evil giant floaty space aliens. Speak to your Departmental Learning Development Partner for more details." A lovely touch

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Zombies do exist, we've seen em!

Go to your nearest dogging spot after dark and low and behold there they are hiding behind trees and loitering about, slowly stumbling toward cars.

"

Are they after blood? Menophilia zombies?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It has to be said, that due to the escalating price of petrol coupled to the imminent threat of industrial action by tanker drivers, Chainsaws could soon become obsolete as the prefered weapon of choice for choppng off zombies heads !

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By *iggles and BeardyCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

I would die as while I could master the "double tap" but being a fatty, the "Cardio, Cardio, Cardio" simply makes me zombie bait.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

you know they are doing a zombie fighting experience in reading shopping mall.. its on wish...

If you google Wish zombie manor house or wish zombie shopping mall"

Noway!

Years ago I was fool enough to go round the 'Alien Experience' in London, I nearly poohed me pants

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By *londeCazWoman
over a year ago

Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria


"First of all Z Day is a clear and present threat and could happen any time now.

Here is my plan, which is almost all in place

First I will befriend several unfit and slow people. These 'friends' will act as a buffer (or buffet) to the hordes of undead. As long as I keep enough of them close I will always have time to escape.

Do not use fire arms! The undead are drawn to the sound, my preferred weapon is the cricket bat. It has a good weight to it and the two different sides are both usefull, the flat side for batting off several zombies, the pointed side for cracking a skull open when in combat with a single zombie.

I already have my hold-up location scoped out and some stockpiling has already took place. I am not going to tell you where it is as I could alert other people to it's location. I will hold up there until all the zombies have eaten all the humans and have then ran out of fuel. As I understand it they will not die but should be in a withered and weakened state at which point I, yes ME! Will defeat them and take over the whole WORLDDDDD! "

You've obviously put a lot of thought into this Funky, puts all us unprepared people to shame

By the way, do you get out much at all???

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By *aucy3Couple
over a year ago

glasgow

i would walk a little bit faster.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Zombies do exist, we've seen em!

Go to your nearest dogging spot after dark and low and behold there they are hiding behind trees and loitering about, slowly stumbling toward cars.

Are they after blood? Menophilia zombies? "

Come 2 o'clock in the morning them zombie doggers will feel anything no matter what sex it is

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By *unky monkeyMan
over a year ago

in the night garden


"First of all Z Day is a clear and present threat and could happen any time now.

Here is my plan, which is almost all in place

First I will befriend several unfit and slow people. These 'friends' will act as a buffer (or buffet) to the hordes of undead. As long as I keep enough of them close I will always have time to escape.

Do not use fire arms! The undead are drawn to the sound, my preferred weapon is the cricket bat. It has a good weight to it and the two different sides are both usefull, the flat side for batting off several zombies, the pointed side for cracking a skull open when in combat with a single zombie.

I already have my hold-up location scoped out and some stockpiling has already took place. I am not going to tell you where it is as I could alert other people to it's location. I will hold up there until all the zombies have eaten all the humans and have then ran out of fuel. As I understand it they will not die but should be in a withered and weakened state at which point I, yes ME! Will defeat them and take over the whole WORLDDDDD!

You've obviously put a lot of thought into this Funky, puts all us unprepared people to shame

By the way, do you get out much at all??? "

Erm i do get out occasiomally but certainly never when i suspect the undead might be 'risen'.

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By *all-Eddies QosCouple
over a year ago

wirral

god, i think about this all the time.....watch too many scary films.....was shagging in the car other week and had to lock the doors in case a zombie came out the trees (been watching 'the walking dead')

think i need to knock scary films on the head......but my flat is pretty safe just in case x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There's a Zombie season starting this Friday on the Horror Channel, I might give a couple of the funny ones a go

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

awesome, ill have to do some recording :D

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am a huge fan of zombie films and i may sound pathetic but if they were to appear on the news I would immedietly phone all my close friends and family go to the nearest chemist (or my medicine cabinet as there's probably enough) and take a huge overdose!!

If they came eventually no-one would survive, you would either turn into one or get killed by someone (to slow them down).

I live in Scotland and i have no gun - survival rate 2 out of 10 and that's being optimistic.

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