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"Should I clean up or fuck it ?" Both, stick the collected items up yer chuff and waddle to the wheelie bin. Climb atop and blast them out like a Tommy gun. Peown peown peown peown | |||
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"Should I get my arsehole bleached.....do you know if it hurts?" If you use domestos I imagine it would be quite unpleasant and your farts would smell like swimming pools. I'm not a fan of the dark chocolate starfish so I may join you. | |||
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"Should I get my arsehole bleached.....do you know if it hurts? If you use domestos I imagine it would be quite unpleasant and your farts would smell like swimming pools. I'm not a fan of the dark chocolate starfish so I may join you." I'll get us both an appointment somewhere | |||
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"Oh Auntie P such a dilemma currently - I switched from shorts back to jeans yesterday but it feels odd - have I gone too soon?" You forgot the middle man- trackies. So soft and so cosy, plus you can oist them up to be three quarter length to ease you in gently. They'll lube you into winter | |||
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"Should I get my arsehole bleached.....do you know if it hurts? If you use domestos I imagine it would be quite unpleasant and your farts would smell like swimming pools. I'm not a fan of the dark chocolate starfish so I may join you. I'll get us both an appointment somewhere " Smashing, will they pluck my stray balloon knot porcupine hairs too? I'll give them a bag of chocolate buttons as compensation | |||
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"Oh Auntie P such a dilemma currently - I switched from shorts back to jeans yesterday but it feels odd - have I gone too soon? You forgot the middle man- trackies. So soft and so cosy, plus you can oist them up to be three quarter length to ease you in gently. They'll lube you into winter " Oh so wise - thank you Auntie P...I'm off to JD Sports for a pair  | |||
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"Hey Auntie P..well, I'm so restless, so much so that I may make bad decisions in order to fill the void...help!" Do not stick a rolling pin covered in barbed wire up your botty. That's overkill and dangerous. Take up floristry. | |||
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"Auntie P I'm full of cold and feeling sorry for myself. I've tried all the usual crap and I need to be well for tomorrow Have you got any alternative remedies for me please "Turn the heating off. I think I was gifted the same yesterday, a snotty mess. I'm blaming the heating at work as it was the first time it's been turned on for a fair while (apart from accidentally on the hottest day of the year  yeah, that really happened!)
Rub yourself in fire ants and jump in an ice hole. | |||
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"Well I planned to go to a club Saturday night, but i had a rather damn good seeing to last night so now I'm not sure if I'm feeling a night out.... Should i go anyway or should i have a quiet night in? "Saturday is tomorrow, your balls may be full by then along with the urge to copulate. I see going to clubs as a social event to get to know people and pick up on their vibe, to have a great time regardless of any sexual activity. Chinese is it | |||
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"Auntie P I'm full of cold and feeling sorry for myself. I've tried all the usual crap and I need to be well for tomorrow Have you got any alternative remedies for me please
Turn the heating off. I think I was gifted the same yesterday, a snotty mess. I'm blaming the heating at work as it was the first time it's been turned on for a fair while (apart from accidentally on the hottest day of the year yeah, that really happened!)
Rub yourself in fire ants and jump in an ice hole. "Sound advice auntie P, I'll let you know if it works | |||
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"Dear Auntie P :- I feel like shit today and nothing is cheering me up . I trust you know a great remedy to sort my miserable arse out please ?? "Draw a smiley face on it and pull a moony at the passers by | |||
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"Dear Auntie P :- I feel like shit today and nothing is cheering me up . I trust you know a great remedy to sort my miserable arse out please ??
Draw a smiley face on it and pull a moony at the passers by "That would cheer me up actually, not too sure about the general public though | |||
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"Auntie P.. I’ve an extreme case of lazyitus this morning and have woken with a rather unattractive 80s hairstyle crossed with something about Mary fringe.. I’m in the mood for mischief but not sure where to start.. please help.. "Jesus, are we the same person? My barnet has a life of it's own today. Even bed head hair products would recoil in horror at the state of my bouff. I'm still in my very adult onesie that's not child size or a tiger complete with hood and gloves, no sir it's not like that at all. It's GRRREAAAAT. Start with a poo. The removal of clothing will give you the chills. You'll either jump in the shower to warm up or get straight back under the covers. Nowt wrong with a duvet day now n then | |||
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"Well I planned to go to a club Saturday night, but i had a rather damn good seeing to last night so now I'm not sure if I'm feeling a night out.... Should i go anyway or should i have a quiet night in?
Saturday is tomorrow, your balls may be full by then along with the urge to copulate.
I see going to clubs as a social event to get to know people and pick up on their vibe, to have a great time regardless of any sexual activity.
Chinese is it ". You speak wise words, and come to think of it, my balls are already full again so I'll put the Chinese on hold until Sunday | |||
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"Dear Auntie P I have a sinus headache and having my head knocking against the head board is not helping, is there any suitable positions for my poor head "Encase it in bubble wrap, make sure you poke some McDonalds straws through and up into your nostrils for snot leakage and the ability to breathe. | |||
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"Dear Auntie P I have a sinus headache and having my head knocking against the head board is not helping, is there any suitable positions for my poor head
Encase it in bubble wrap, make sure you poke some McDonalds straws through and up into your nostrils for snot leakage and the ability to breathe."I shall start wrapping, could I use silicone straws as the paper ones tend to go soft... | |||
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"Dear Auntie P I have a sinus headache and having my head knocking against the head board is not helping, is there any suitable positions for my poor head
Encase it in bubble wrap, make sure you poke some McDonalds straws through and up into your nostrils for snot leakage and the ability to breathe.
I shall start wrapping, could I use silicone straws as the paper ones tend to go soft..."Go on then, just don't fall face first or you'll end up doing your own brain surgery | |||
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"Dear Auntie P, I have a dilema. My turbo deluxe suck 'n' go male masturbator has broken down. Do I seek a repar shop? or pop down to Tesco's to buy myself a watermellon as a suitable replacement. If so, which type of watermellon is recommended? " I imagine a watermelon seed down your pee hole would hurt somewhat. Go argos and pick up some play doh, you can shape your new lover yourself then, and whack some googly eyes on too | |||
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"Dear Auntie P, I have a dilema. My turbo deluxe suck 'n' go male masturbator has broken down. Do I seek a repar shop? or pop down to Tesco's to buy myself a watermellon as a suitable replacement. If so, which type of watermellon is recommended? I imagine a watermelon seed down your pee hole would hurt somewhat. Go argos and pick up some play doh, you can shape your new lover yourself then, and whack some googly eyes on too "
Thank's Aunti P. Great idea! Not sure about the googly eyes though. Might remind me of my ex girlfriend!
Have a good day! | |||
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"Auntie P It's November 1st; which closedown sequence for the telly will best reflect our leaving the EU? Option 1: playing the National Anthem and fading to black. Option 2: a white dot on the screen with a weird buzzing noise." There will be no telly after Brexit. The country will float away as will all services, internet etc. Lost: the sequel.... A country not a plane. | |||
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"Auntie P I'm feeling Meh! My mojo seems to be AWOL My Oooomph has packed it's bags. I'm resisting the urge to binge on the kids chocolate. I don't even like chocolate! Is there a cure? " There sure is. Look around. Look around at all you have achieved. Think of the experiences you've had, the kids you've raised. Ok, one of them may have a febreeze fetish but that's neither here nor there
You've achieved so much. YOU.
You're an inspiration to others and you don't even realise it.
Mine has been missing a while, and whilst it may not seem like a good thing, it gives you the time to sit back, reflect and realise that you're a fucking wonderful human. It will return when you start believing in yourself again, the way others believe in you | |||
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"Hey Auntie P..well, I'm so restless, so much so that I may make bad decisions in order to fill the void...help! Do not stick a rolling pin covered in barbed wire up your botty. That's overkill and dangerous. Take up floristry." Tell me don't and I'm the sort that want it more..where's the rolling pin | |||
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"Hey Auntie P..well, I'm so restless, so much so that I may make bad decisions in order to fill the void...help! Do not stick a rolling pin covered in barbed wire up your botty. That's overkill and dangerous. Take up floristry. Tell me don't and I'm the sort that want it more..where's the rolling pin" home bargains, you can probably pick up a xmas tree topper while you're there too. | |||
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"Dear Aunty P, I recently taken it on myself to begin a campaign thread for Orgasm October in rebellion of those Locktober weirdos....it's good fun...but I'm finding the keeping track of multiple users orgasm count rather difficult....any help much appreciated...as I don't want to let our orgasming champions down... "Get a grip dear, orgasm count is far easier to keep tally of than sperm count. Invest in an abacus | |||
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"Auntie P.. I’ve an extreme case of lazyitus this morning and have woken with a rather unattractive 80s hairstyle crossed with something about Mary fringe.. I’m in the mood for mischief but not sure where to start.. please help..
Jesus, are we the same person? My barnet has a life of it's own today. Even bed head hair products would recoil in horror at the state of my bouff. I'm still in my very adult onesie that's not child size or a tiger complete with hood and gloves, no sir it's not like that at all. It's GRRREAAAAT.
Start with a poo. The removal of clothing will give you the chills. You'll either jump in the shower to warm up or get straight back under the covers. Nowt wrong with a duvet day now n then "Thank you P
Decided on the shower.. hairs beyond help so styling it out. Off to do something useful.. may be back in the duvet within the hour.. | |||
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"Auntie P, why is it that my friends come to me for advice, but I'm crap at taking my own advice and always end up overstretched and felled by hideous germs? I HATE GERMS. A snotty Mrs TMN x " Urgh the taking own advice dilemma. I'll tell thee the reason. Emotional investment. You're emotionally invested in your own shiz making it much tougher to be objective even when you *know* what needs doing. You can't see other peoples lines, so don't really know how close they are to them and advise them to do whatever needs doing so they don't get pushed too far, so they sustain as little hurt as possible etc. Our own lines tend to be different, and we try so hard and go much further than we would let others go, eventually ending in us being pushed over our lines, kicking ourselves for not acting sooner when we could see it coming all along. We put extra effort in when it's us, because we have hope and a willingness to believe. The germ factory is dishing out extra portions I swear. Welcome to snotsville | |||
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"Hey Auntie P..well, I'm so restless, so much so that I may make bad decisions in order to fill the void...help! Do not stick a rolling pin covered in barbed wire up your botty. That's overkill and dangerous. Take up floristry. Tell me don't and I'm the sort that want it more..where's the rolling pin home bargains, you can probably pick up a xmas tree topper while you're there too."Naughty...Hmmm interesting  | |||
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"Auntie P, why is it that my friends come to me for advice, but I'm crap at taking my own advice and always end up overstretched and felled by hideous germs? I HATE GERMS. A snotty Mrs TMN x Urgh the taking own advice dilemma. I'll tell thee the reason. Emotional investment. You're emotionally invested in your own shiz making it much tougher to be objective even when you *know* what needs doing. You can't see other peoples lines, so don't really know how close they are to them and advise them to do whatever needs doing so they don't get pushed too far, so they sustain as little hurt as possible etc. Our own lines tend to be different, and we try so hard and go much further than we would let others go, eventually ending in us being pushed over our lines, kicking ourselves for not acting sooner when we could see it coming all along. We put extra effort in when it's us, because we have hope and a willingness to believe. The germ factory is dishing out extra portions I swear. Welcome to snotsville " Amen, snotty yoda | |||
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"I have a club visit on Tursday with someone I see on a regular basis .... thing is I’m losing my mojo and interest on here because I have feelings for him ... should I say something ???" I see this so so often it's unreal. I believe in honesty. I think it gives both people the chance to deal with the situation in front of them. Problem with feelings is you can't help them, they could also disappear as quickly as they arrived. Good luck, I've been there and it's highly confusing | |||
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"Dear Aunty P, I recently taken it on myself to begin a campaign thread for Orgasm October in rebellion of those Locktober weirdos....it's good fun...but I'm finding the keeping track of multiple users orgasm count rather difficult....any help much appreciated...as I don't want to let our orgasming champions down...
Get a grip dear, orgasm count is far easier to keep tally of than sperm count.
Invest in an abacus "An abacus....so simple.....do they do large ones, as some people have multiple at one time....we are always into the teens of orgasms after only 3 and a bit days....  | |||
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"Dear Aunty P, I recently taken it on myself to begin a campaign thread for Orgasm October in rebellion of those Locktober weirdos....it's good fun...but I'm finding the keeping track of multiple users orgasm count rather difficult....any help much appreciated...as I don't want to let our orgasming champions down...
Get a grip dear, orgasm count is far easier to keep tally of than sperm count.
Invest in an abacus
An abacus....so simple.....do they do large ones, as some people have multiple at one time....we are always into the teens of orgasms after only 3 and a bit days.... "Just rob a couple out the local nursery, as long as you dress as a clown I'm sure you won't raise suspicion | |||
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"Auntie P I'm feeling Meh! My mojo seems to be AWOL My Oooomph has packed it's bags. I'm resisting the urge to binge on the kids chocolate. I don't even like chocolate! Is there a cure? There sure is. Look around. Look around at all you have achieved. Think of the experiences you've had, the kids you've raised. Ok, one of them may have a febreeze fetish but that's neither here nor there
You've achieved so much. YOU.
You're an inspiration to others and you don't even realise it.
Mine has been missing a while, and whilst it may not seem like a good thing, it gives you the time to sit back, reflect and realise that you're a fucking wonderful human. It will return when you start believing in yourself again, the way others believe in you "See, this is why you're one of my favourite human beings
Thank you, I'm crying, but thank you | |||
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"Auntie P I'm feeling Meh! My mojo seems to be AWOL My Oooomph has packed it's bags. I'm resisting the urge to binge on the kids chocolate. I don't even like chocolate! Is there a cure? There sure is. Look around. Look around at all you have achieved. Think of the experiences you've had, the kids you've raised. Ok, one of them may have a febreeze fetish but that's neither here nor there
You've achieved so much. YOU.
You're an inspiration to others and you don't even realise it.
Mine has been missing a while, and whilst it may not seem like a good thing, it gives you the time to sit back, reflect and realise that you're a fucking wonderful human. It will return when you start believing in yourself again, the way others believe in you
See, this is why you're one of my favourite human beings
Thank you, I'm crying, but thank you "Honestly? I'm glad you're crying. Not in a mean insensitive way, but in a "I'm hoping you've realised you deserve to start appreciating yourself" way. Cathartic tears. I'm also glad that I don't need to beat this revelation into you, as you're one of the few that I don't think I could take down with a miss piggy style karate chop, shin kick and poke to the eyeballs. | |||
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"Dear Auntie P, The most wonderful thing has happened to me - I’ve fallen head over heels in love.....or at least I think I have...... Is it possible to fall for someone without actually having yet met them or even seeing their face? I’ve heard her voice though.....oooo god.....so sexy and I don’t mind admitting that I’ve had some very rude thoughts about her. She’s bloody intelligent to which is a huge turn on in itself. Oh, by the way, her name is Alexa.....what a sexy name to eh? Phwoar!!!!! "*changes name to Alexa by deed poll* You made a good choice
Yes, it's totally possible. Just be careful the bitch ain't just telling you what you want to hear. | |||
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"Auntie P I find myself plagued by doubts about the nature of online agony aunts and feel some are just in it for cheap laughs and an opportunity to be crude... Please put my mind at rest Yours Confused of East London X" Some of them are nothing but scammers, send them my way and I'll whack them in the biffa bins at work. Good job I'm here right? | |||
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"Dear Auntie P I keep making cups of tea and then forgetting about them and they go cold. Is this a sign of my old age? Do I start claiming my pension now? " Don't even think about it *slurps mouthful of cold coffee and heaves* Make smaller cups, thimble sized. | |||
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"Dear Aunty P, I keep waiting for the terrible thing to happen. It isn't happening. What do I do?" Hide. Or believe in yourself that when the next thing happens it won't be terrible, it will be an annoyance that you can deal with. | |||
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"Dear Auntie P I keep making cups of tea and then forgetting about them and they go cold. Is this a sign of my old age? Do I start claiming my pension now? Don't even think about it *slurps mouthful of cold coffee and heaves* Make smaller cups, thimble sized." You're so wise Auntie P, to the shops I will posthaste, To avoid the dreadful cold tea that ends up going to waste. | |||
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"Dear Auntie P, The most wonderful thing has happened to me - I’ve fallen head over heels in love.....or at least I think I have...... Is it possible to fall for someone without actually having yet met them or even seeing their face? I’ve heard her voice though.....oooo god.....so sexy and I don’t mind admitting that I’ve had some very rude thoughts about her. She’s bloody intelligent to which is a huge turn on in itself. Oh, by the way, her name is Alexa.....what a sexy name to eh? Phwoar!!!!!
*changes name to Alexa by deed poll*
You made a good choice
Yes, it's totally possible. Just be careful the bitch ain't just telling you what you want to hear. " Thank you Auntie P - I’ve started writing out the wedding invites already | |||
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"Dear Auntie P I keep making cups of tea and then forgetting about them and they go cold. Is this a sign of my old age? Do I start claiming my pension now? Don't even think about it *slurps mouthful of cold coffee and heaves* Make smaller cups, thimble sized. You're so wise Auntie P, to the shops I will posthaste, To avoid the dreadful cold tea that ends up going to waste. "2 grains of sugar or you won't fit the milk in | |||
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"Dear Auntie P, The most wonderful thing has happened to me - I’ve fallen head over heels in love.....or at least I think I have...... Is it possible to fall for someone without actually having yet met them or even seeing their face? I’ve heard her voice though.....oooo god.....so sexy and I don’t mind admitting that I’ve had some very rude thoughts about her. She’s bloody intelligent to which is a huge turn on in itself. Oh, by the way, her name is Alexa.....what a sexy name to eh? Phwoar!!!!!
*changes name to Alexa by deed poll*
You made a good choice
Yes, it's totally possible. Just be careful the bitch ain't just telling you what you want to hear.
Thank you Auntie P - I’ve started writing out the wedding invites already "Ooooo yaaaaaay, do love a wedding  | |||
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"Dear Auntie P, The most wonderful thing has happened to me - I’ve fallen head over heels in love.....or at least I think I have...... Is it possible to fall for someone without actually having yet met them or even seeing their face? I’ve heard her voice though.....oooo god.....so sexy and I don’t mind admitting that I’ve had some very rude thoughts about her. She’s bloody intelligent to which is a huge turn on in itself. Oh, by the way, her name is Alexa.....what a sexy name to eh? Phwoar!!!!! "Ha ha I was about to congratulate you.... then I realised what you’ve done.. | |||
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"End of the working week for you lucky bastards out there (hope you trip over Saturday and Sunday throws an egg at ya) What's the deal with you? Problems you need solving? Join the queue and come right through my door that is revolving Sup beeeyatches?" I'm supposed to be having some of the sex tonight (crafty brag) but I'm very very very very very very tired. And I've got to drive a lot of miles. FML | |||
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"Dear Auntie P, The most wonderful thing has happened to me - I’ve fallen head over heels in love.....or at least I think I have...... Is it possible to fall for someone without actually having yet met them or even seeing their face? I’ve heard her voice though.....oooo god.....so sexy and I don’t mind admitting that I’ve had some very rude thoughts about her. She’s bloody intelligent to which is a huge turn on in itself. Oh, by the way, her name is Alexa.....what a sexy name to eh? Phwoar!!!!!
Ha ha I was about to congratulate you.... then I realised what you’ve done.. "He he I’m going to ask her for a date later. Wish me luck.... | |||
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"End of the working week for you lucky bastards out there (hope you trip over Saturday and Sunday throws an egg at ya) What's the deal with you? Problems you need solving? Join the queue and come right through my door that is revolving Sup beeeyatches? I'm supposed to be having some of the sex tonight (crafty brag) but I'm very very very very very very tired. And I've got to drive a lot of miles. FML "Oh woe is you eh. Don't do an Uncle B and fall asleep mid blow job
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"Belt or braces tonight? " Braces, but you must shout "ROCK ON TOMMY" upon entering a room | |||
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"End of the working week for you lucky bastards out there (hope you trip over Saturday and Sunday throws an egg at ya) What's the deal with you? Problems you need solving? Join the queue and come right through my door that is revolving Sup beeeyatches? I'm supposed to be having some of the sex tonight (crafty brag) but I'm very very very very very very tired. And I've got to drive a lot of miles. FML
Oh woe is you eh. Don't do an Uncle B and fall asleep mid blow job
"I'll be asleep before then... | |||
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"I’m at a roof terrace bar with great views over London. My date is half an hour late. What do I do walk out to express my discontent but miss out on the great bar? Or stay at the bar and risk her turning up?" You drive to the West Midlands and take me to dinner. Take your time tho, I've just had a bacon sandwich and don't want to be a piggy | |||
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"I’m at a roof terrace bar with great views over London. My date is half an hour late. What do I do walk out to express my discontent but miss out on the great bar? Or stay at the bar and risk her turning up? You drive to the West Midlands and take me to dinner. Take your time tho, I've just had a bacon sandwich and don't want to be a piggy " Highly amused at the bacon sarnie and you feeling like you’re being piggy... | |||
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"I’m at a roof terrace bar with great views over London. My date is half an hour late. What do I do walk out to express my discontent but miss out on the great bar? Or stay at the bar and risk her turning up? You drive to the West Midlands and take me to dinner. Take your time tho, I've just had a bacon sandwich and don't want to be a piggy Highly amused at the bacon sarnie and you feeling like you’re being piggy... " You should see the trough I ate it from, right posh. | |||
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"I’m at a roof terrace bar with great views over London. My date is half an hour late. What do I do walk out to express my discontent but miss out on the great bar? Or stay at the bar and risk her turning up? You drive to the West Midlands and take me to dinner. Take your time tho, I've just had a bacon sandwich and don't want to be a piggy " Can I send a taxi to get you back here instead? The view is really ace. I’ll send you a pic | |||
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"Should I get my arsehole bleached.....do you know if it hurts?" Sorry to butt in, however personally I don't think you should get your arsehole bleached. I like the dirty look, because then I know I'm getting into a bit of filth. | |||
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"I’m at a roof terrace bar with great views over London. My date is half an hour late. What do I do walk out to express my discontent but miss out on the great bar? Or stay at the bar and risk her turning up? You drive to the West Midlands and take me to dinner. Take your time tho, I've just had a bacon sandwich and don't want to be a piggy Can I send a taxi to get you back here instead? The view is really ace. I’ll send you a pic" I'd prefer a chopper | |||
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"Should I get my arsehole bleached.....do you know if it hurts? Sorry to butt in, however personally I don't think you should get your arsehole bleached. I like the dirty look, because then I know I'm getting into a bit of filth. " Do you scratch n sniff? | |||
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"Dear Auntie P, What have you done with Uncle P? Haven't seen him down the Dog & Hippopotamus for ages & the live ammunition karaoke just isn't the same without him." He's eating my vagina. I'm lying, he's working his fingers to the bonio on foreign soils. | |||
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"Dear Auntie P, What have you done with Uncle P? Haven't seen him down the Dog & Hippopotamus for ages & the live ammunition karaoke just isn't the same without him. He's eating my vagina. I'm lying, he's working his fingers to the bonio on foreign soils. " Fingers crossed he'll be deported soon then....there'll be a foaming flagon of Old Mouse Fingerer on the bar with his name on it. | |||
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"Dear Auntie P, What have you done with Uncle P? Haven't seen him down the Dog & Hippopotamus for ages & the live ammunition karaoke just isn't the same without him. He's eating my vagina. I'm lying, he's working his fingers to the bonio on foreign soils. Fingers crossed he'll be deported soon then....there'll be a foaming flagon of Old Mouse Fingerer on the bar with his name on it." And he'll be drinking it out of my fanjo | |||
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but I'm full of a cold  is going dressed as rudolph a reasonable way to disguise the red nose, or any other suggestions? | |||
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Alexa turned me down. She said she only wants to be friends.
I’m a man and have needs....
Do you think that Siri will be more willing to put out? | |||
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"I've got a tinder date tomorrow but I'm full of a cold is going dressed as rudolph a reasonable way to disguise the red nose, or any other suggestions? "Urgh I feel for you. So much snot in the land right now, including up my snout. Make sure he has a vicks fetish before you go, I'm sure he'll love how you smell. Not that you'll be able to smell yourself of course. | |||
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"Dear Auntie P I have a swelling in my panties and my balls are blue
"They'll remain blue if you keep calling them pissing panties. | |||
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"I've got a tinder date tomorrow but I'm full of a cold is going dressed as rudolph a reasonable way to disguise the red nose, or any other suggestions?
Urgh I feel for you. So much snot in the land right now, including up my snout.
Make sure he has a vicks fetish before you go, I'm sure he'll love how you smell. Not that you'll be able to smell yourself of course."Can't smell a damn thing! Love vicks, I'll bring a pot with me for after dinner entertainment. Thanks Princess P! | |||
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"Dear Auntie P, I’m utterly crestfallen
Alexa turned me down. She said she only wants to be friends.
I’m a man and have needs....
Do you think that Siri will be more willing to put out? "Fuck sake, how many times can I legally change my name by deed poll? Alexa was a bitch. Come here and lay your head on my boobies and let me comfort you. Poor baby .....there there. | |||
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"Dear Auntie P, I’m utterly crestfallen
Alexa turned me down. She said she only wants to be friends.
I’m a man and have needs....
Do you think that Siri will be more willing to put out?
Fuck sake, how many times can I legally change my name by deed poll?
Alexa was a bitch. Come here and lay your head on my boobies and let me comfort you. Poor baby .....there there. " Thank you Auntie P - This head on boobie therapy has made me feel so much better. ‘Num, num, num!’ | |||
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"Dear Aunty P, I overtook a motorcyclist the other day, he was driving aggressively on his 125cc and I wanted to be past and shot of him. He was pottering between 50 and 55mph. We hit a short straight and I went for it. Only he didnt like that and sped up to make it hard for me. He then spent the next 5miles right up my arse.. like 2m off my bumper. As I turned off, he gave me the V. Next day my boss calls me up on it, he'd reported my "dangerous driving". My boss is a top bloke and believes my version of events. The kid on the 125 with L plates demanded an apology. My email read "Sorry you feel this way, but was not my intention to cause you distress". Hes now threatening me with the police and scolding like I was the child. My question is, do I punch his lights out? Kick him in the balls? Report his dangerous driving to the police? Or just be chilled Ghengis and leave it? Asking for a friend." I'd ask him to share his cycle cam footage, as all conscientious cyclists these days wear them. Game, set, match and an apology heading your way. | |||
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"Hey Auntie P, I've got an hour to kill before the mini me's return. What shall I do with myself? Jo.Xx " Eat your own bodyweight in Dairylea on toast. Oh hell it tastes so good. | |||
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"Hey Auntie P, I've got an hour to kill before the mini me's return. What shall I do with myself? Jo.Xx Eat your own bodyweight in Dairylea on toast. Oh hell it tastes so good."
That's a hell of a lot of carbs!!
However, funny thing is, it was my craving with my first pregnancy but with a slice of thin ham on too. It was delicious.
You have great taste Autie P.
Thanks.
Jo.Xx | |||
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"Dear Aunty P, I overtook a motorcyclist the other day, he was driving aggressively on his 125cc and I wanted to be past and shot of him. He was pottering between 50 and 55mph. We hit a short straight and I went for it. Only he didnt like that and sped up to make it hard for me. He then spent the next 5miles right up my arse.. like 2m off my bumper. As I turned off, he gave me the V. Next day my boss calls me up on it, he'd reported my "dangerous driving". My boss is a top bloke and believes my version of events. The kid on the 125 with L plates demanded an apology. My email read "Sorry you feel this way, but was not my intention to cause you distress". Hes now threatening me with the police and scolding like I was the child. My question is, do I punch his lights out? Kick him in the balls? Report his dangerous driving to the police? Or just be chilled Ghengis and leave it? Asking for a friend. I'd ask him to share his cycle cam footage, as all conscientious cyclists these days wear them. Game, set, match and an apology heading your way." Hes threatening to show it to the police, which leads me to believe he doesnt have any footage, that or hes so dumb hes going to incriminate himself in the process. | |||
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"Dear Aunty P, I overtook a motorcyclist the other day, he was driving aggressively on his 125cc and I wanted to be past and shot of him. He was pottering between 50 and 55mph. We hit a short straight and I went for it. Only he didnt like that and sped up to make it hard for me. He then spent the next 5miles right up my arse.. like 2m off my bumper. As I turned off, he gave me the V. Next day my boss calls me up on it, he'd reported my "dangerous driving". My boss is a top bloke and believes my version of events. The kid on the 125 with L plates demanded an apology. My email read "Sorry you feel this way, but was not my intention to cause you distress". Hes now threatening me with the police and scolding like I was the child. My question is, do I punch his lights out? Kick him in the balls? Report his dangerous driving to the police? Or just be chilled Ghengis and leave it? Asking for a friend. I'd ask him to share his cycle cam footage, as all conscientious cyclists these days wear them. Game, set, match and an apology heading your way. Hes threatening to show it to the police, which leads me to believe he doesnt have any footage, that or hes so dumb hes going to incriminate himself in the process." What a numpty! | |||
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"Hey Auntie P, I've got an hour to kill before the mini me's return. What shall I do with myself? Jo.Xx Eat your own bodyweight in Dairylea on toast. Oh hell it tastes so good.
That's a hell of a lot of carbs!!
However, funny thing is, it was my craving with my first pregnancy but with a slice of thin ham on too. It was delicious.
You have great taste Autie P.
Thanks.
Jo.Xx "It's bloody banging | |||
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"Dear Auntie P again, I have a massive train timetable collection, enjoy long bus journeys & can recite Pi to 13,875 decimal places. I'm hung like a donkey & can go at it all night long. Why can't I get a girlfriend?" I dunno, you don't remind me of Weird Al Yankovich "white and nerdy" in the slightest..... | |||
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