FabSwingers.com forum: Self deprecation

By *naswingdress OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Are you one for self deprecation?

How do you break the habit? Asking for a friend (who may be wearing a _ed swing dress...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm one for self deprecating humor but I'm guessing that's not the same thing?

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

[Removed by poster at 30/09/19 16:10:33]

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Cant bare self depreciating it makes me want to get hold of them and shake them

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

I do it to myself in humour.

I actually think I'm a great guy.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

Ermm sometimes I can be. Sometimes think I am being when I'm not. Like if I say I'm fat and they are all oh no you're not. No, I really am.

I think it's used as a defence mechanism quite often and sometimes because years of low confidence/crap thrown at you makes you question your worth. Build on knowing it and truly accepting you for you and you'll soon find it lessens. Personally I used to physically pinch myself if I caught myself doing it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Cant bare self depreciating it makes me want to get hold of them and shake them"

Quite, if you've got it, shout it from the rooftops. Unless it happens to be herpes, then you might want to keep it under your hat.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yep I've just done my best to stop it. It was a habit I got into as a way of keeping people away while I didn't want to meet. It then got stuck like a broken record even when I wanted to be seen differently. My self-deprecation usually comes with a dose of humour. There's loads of it in my profile.

There are other times I'm simply telling the truth or an honest appraisal of a situation though that sometimes gets mistaken for self-deprecation or playing the 'victim' of circumstances.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m a genuinely nice guy but can be self deprecating on rare occasions

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I like a bit of amusing self deprecation, the kind where you know the person doesn't really mean it and it's for comic effect.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I like a bit of amusing self deprecation, the kind where you know the person doesn't really mean it and it's for comic effect.

Like when I say I don't like the wind as it messes up my hair (I'm a skinhead)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I like a bit of amusing self deprecation, the kind where you know the person doesn't really mean it and it's for comic effect.

So do I but it seems plenty don't

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know I’m terrible for it. I think I use it first before anyone can say anything about me. It’s like a defence mechanism with myself. How to stop it is the hard part. I don’t know the answer to x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I like a bit of amusing self deprecation, the kind where you know the person doesn't really mean it and it's for comic effect.

Like when I say I don't like the wind as it messes up my hair (I'm a skinhead)

Sort of. A really weak example is when someone says they want to take your photo and the they reply that they might break the camera.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I like a bit of amusing self deprecation, the kind where you know the person doesn't really mean it and it's for comic effect.

So do I but it seems plenty don't"

I think it depends on frequency

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

"I know I’m terrible for it. I think I use it first before anyone can say anything about me. It’s like a defence mechanism with myself. How to stop it is the hard part. I don’t know the answer to x "

I bet you get more compliments than insults. Xx

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

"Cant bare self depreciating it makes me want to get hold of them and shake them"

Likewise, I can’t warm to self deprecating people at all. Been there done that with an ex - jeez it was hard work keeping his ego on track. It wore me down at times so now I avoid it as soon as it appears.

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By *naswingdress OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

It has been defensive for me. I don't need it anymore, but it's hard to stop. Trying to work out how.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I like a bit of amusing self deprecation, the kind where you know the person doesn't really mean it and it's for comic effect.

So do I but it seems plenty don't

I think it depends on frequency

Yep, that's why it was worth breaking the habit. sometimes I just can't resist the urge though

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By *naswingdress OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I like a bit of amusing self deprecation, the kind where you know the person doesn't really mean it and it's for comic effect.

So do I but it seems plenty don't

I think it depends on frequency

Yep, that's why it was worth breaking the habit. sometimes I just can't resist the urge though

Yes, it's why I need to stop, too.

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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

I’m not.

I’m clear in my own mind about what I am and what I’m not and go with that. Keep things simple

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By *ristolcouple21Couple
over a year ago

Bristol

I could have written this!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I bet you get more compliments than insults. Xx"

I get people saying I’m nice. X

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"I like a bit of amusing self deprecation, the kind where you know the person doesn't really mean it and it's for comic effect.

So do I but it seems plenty don't

I think it depends on frequency

Yep, that's why it was worth breaking the habit. sometimes I just can't resist the urge though

You very rarely do it now Doc. It's amusing when you do because it's kind of tongue in cheek.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find a little humorous self deprecation (now and again ) can be a healthy sign and endearing quality in a person, as long as they come across as comfortable in them selves. It comes across as a healthy confidence, as opposed to the fragile self confidence that you perceive from people who take themselves way too seriously.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It has been defensive for me. I don't need it anymore, but it's hard to stop. Trying to work out how. "

Watching this helped me

https://youtu.be/Ow0lr63y4Mw

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I like a bit of amusing self deprecation, the kind where you know the person doesn't really mean it and it's for comic effect.

So do I but it seems plenty don't

I think it depends on frequency

Yep, that's why it was worth breaking the habit. sometimes I just can't resist the urge though

You very rarely do it now Doc. It's amusing when you do because it's kind of tongue in cheek."

That was the way it was originally intended. For a little while there was a bit of frustration thrown in. Now I've seen the light and I'm on my way to sainthood

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Think I deflect more than self depreciate. I don't go out of my way to put myself down, but I'll try make a joke to change the subject rather than revel in it, if the whole conversation is just someone saying they like how you look. It's kinda boring 1 on 1, and excludes other people from joining in if it's in company or on here.

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By *aven RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

I do it but with humour, I think. It is definitely a defense mechanism. Years of being put down I had to turn it around and do it with humour. I try not to do it as much now but it's a hard habit to break x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I like a bit of amusing self deprecation, the kind where you know the person doesn't really mean it and it's for comic effect.

So do I but it seems plenty don't

I think it depends on frequency

Yep, that's why it was worth breaking the habit. sometimes I just can't resist the urge though

Sometimes is fine in my opinion.

I think we've all got a friend that we able talking to because their self deprecation is awkward. What do you say to someone who tells you they're fat at every opportunity for example "Yes I know" or " no you aren't"?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

*avoid

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By *edMan
over a year ago

cambridgeshire

"Cant bare self depreciating it makes me want to get hold of them and shake them

Quite, if you've got it, shout it from the rooftops. Unless it happens to be herpes, then you might want to keep it under your hat.

That's not herpes.. it's dandruff

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By *ntrigued32Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

"I’m not.

I’m clear in my own mind about what I am and what I’m not and go with that. Keep things simple

This is exactly how I feel too.

Jo.Xx

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Cant bare self depreciating it makes me want to get hold of them and shake them

Quite, if you've got it, shout it from the rooftops. Unless it happens to be herpes, then you might want to keep it under your hat.

That's not herpes.. it's dandruff"

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

"I’m not.

I’m clear in my own mind about what I am and what I’m not and go with that. Keep things simple

Touché lady

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wank till my bollocks hurt

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By *entakuruMan
over a year ago

Exeter

I used to do self depricating humour until I spent some time in other countries where it's not a thing, like Germany. I very quickly stopped doing it, as people took me seriously. Then of course I had to explain that self deprication is a big part of the British sense of humour; they still couldn't understand why it might be funny, and the more I thought about it, the more I realised they were probably correct. It's not actually that funny.

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By *affron40Woman
over a year ago

manchester

I can be in a sarcastic way. But that’s the battle with knowing who you are now as opposed to seeing yourself where you once were. It’s a rollercoaster. I may come across confident but I still have my demons.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I used to do self depricating humour until I spent some time in other countries where it's not a thing, like Germany. I very quickly stopped doing it, as people took me seriously. Then of course I had to explain that self deprication is a big part of the British sense of humour; they still couldn't understand why it might be funny, and the more I thought about it, the more I realised they were probably correct. It's not actually that funny. "

I laughed when Romesh Ranganathan did a comedy piece about going to the pool with a tee shirt over his fat stomach

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

"I can be in a sarcastic way. But that’s the battle with knowing who you are now as opposed to seeing yourself where you once were. It’s a rollercoaster. I may come across confident but I still have my demons. "

I think you've got amazing demons....

I mean boobies

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I must admit that I've done both self deprication and false arrogance, not as a way to fish for compliments or a defence mechanism but as a marker that I don't take myself too seriously.

In person I can have a very dry sense of humour which doesn't necessarily translate well in written form, so I generally employ different approaches depending on my mood and audience.

Not to be confused with when Im self depreciating, that's just selling myself short...

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By *ylvie 888Woman
over a year ago

Cleethorpes

"Are you one for self deprecation?

How do you break the habit? Asking for a friend (who may be wearing a _ed swing dress...

). "

I think it's a case of biting your tongue and holding back those bad words.... until a new healthy habit is formed.

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

"Are you one for self deprecation?

How do you break the habit? Asking for a friend (who may be wearing a _ed swing dress...

I think it's a case of biting your tongue and holding back those bad words.... until a new healthy habit is formed. "

Does this new habit still involve the tongue??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It can be very difficult to break. I must admit me (Archie) have problems thinking of myself in a positive way sometimes. After your confidence has been knocked.

I have been mistaken for homeless more than once. On seeing me women have grabbed or moved their handbags away from me. Only the other day walking out of Costa a women looked at me and moved her bag as I was walking to exit.

In the end you just have to try hold your head high and think I'm better than that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It can be very difficult to break. I must admit me (Archie) have problems thinking of myself in a positive way sometimes. After your confidence has been knocked.

In the end you just have to try hold your head high and think I'm better than that."

I do that with everyone. You might just have noticed it because you're aware of it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have been told “I’m too nice to be a swinger” To which I tell them to take as they find I’m not changing and why should I

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 02/10/19 06:46:40]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am, I've struggled with my mental health and self esteem my whole life pretty much so it's almost become a defence mechanism that if I say horrible things about myself nobody else will surprise me if they say something horrible.

I've been trying really hard with positive affirmations and self talk. It's a slow process, but I'm starting to believe them and feel more positive.

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By *ed-monkeyCouple
over a year ago

Hailsham

I've tried self-deprecation...

I'm just not very good at it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've tried self-deprecation...

I'm just not very good at it

You’ve tried it? For how many seconds?

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By *ed-monkeyCouple
over a year ago

Hailsham

"I've tried self-deprecation...

I'm just not very good at it

You’ve tried it? For how many seconds?"

Maybe a couple

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By *naswingdress OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I am, I've struggled with my mental health and self esteem my whole life pretty much so it's almost become a defence mechanism that if I say horrible things about myself nobody else will surprise me if they say something horrible.

I've been trying really hard with positive affirmations and self talk. It's a slow process, but I'm starting to believe them and feel more positive."

Similar to me. I am good at it, after years of trying. I just find bad things still coming out of my mouth.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Putting myself down before others do is a long held bad habit and defense mechanism. I know it annoys a few friends when I do it so trying to stop, but not easy.

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By *ed-monkeyCouple
over a year ago

Hailsham

"I've tried self-deprecation...

I'm just not very good at it

You’ve tried it? For how many seconds?

Maybe a couple

In all seriousness (yes, I am capable of that)

I use my humour as a mask which, as others have said, can include witty self-deprecation... well... I consider it witty at least

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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

It's something I don't do. If I feel i'm not good at something or come up lacking in some way I roll up my sleeves and get better at it. Much more productive this way

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By *naswingdress OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"It's something I don't do. If I feel i'm not good at something or come up lacking in some way I roll up my sleeves and get better at it. Much more productive this way

We can't all be you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We all have things that we dont like about ourselves and verbalising it is inevitable it's just the degree in frequency that needs to be looked at.

We were in a long term relationship with a girl a while back and it was hard work. It wore us down at times with constant reassurances and fishing quests.

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

If you self deprecate, for me it means you recognise your flaws and things you might not be great at. Recognising them in yourself and willing to do something about them (if needed) for me is a strength

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

I only do it occasionally in humour - I know I'm not perfect (nobody is), but i'm confident in who I am and aware of my flaws.

I think this has mainly come with age and experience, as self-acceptance didn't come as naturally when I was younger

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