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I'm poorly, tell me a joke or funny story...

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

To help me feel better.

pretty please.

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By *hechapMan
over a year ago

Derry

Once upon a time there was a girl who felt poorly.

She posted it on fab but everyone laughed and no one had any sympathy for her.

Anyhow long story short, everyone lived happily ever after.

The end.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

OK looks like I will have to tell myself a Joke!

What do you call a line of barbie dolls?

A barbie queue.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Once upon a time there was a girl who felt poorly.

She posted it on fab but everyone laughed and no one had any sympathy for her.

Anyhow long story short, everyone lived happily ever after.

The end."

What a delight you are!

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By *ntrigued32Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

What’s red and smells like blue paint?

D.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"What’s red and smells like blue paint?

D."

Oh do tell!

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By *lbinoGorillaMan
over a year ago

Redditch

Hear about the guy drowned in a bowl of muesli?

He was dragged under by a strong currant

Thank you. I'm here all week

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Hear about the guy drowned in a bowl of muesli?

He was dragged under by a strong currant

Thank you. I'm here all week "

I did actually lol at that.

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By *ntrigued32Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham


"What’s red and smells like blue paint?

D.

Oh do tell! "

Red paint!

D.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"What’s red and smells like blue paint?

D.

Oh do tell!

Red paint!

D."

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By *ntrigued32Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham


"What’s red and smells like blue paint?

D.

Oh do tell!

Red paint!

D.

"

D.

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By *ntrigued32Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

Ok Lorna, I will try another (but not so easy to deliver by text)

What do you call a man with a plank of wood on his head? (Stick with me Lorna )

D.

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity


"What’s red and smells like blue paint?

D.

Oh do tell!

Red paint!

D.

"
I liked it

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By *ntrigued32Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham


"What’s red and smells like blue paint?

D.

Oh do tell!

Red paint!

D.

I liked it "

I giggled typing it

D.

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

What do you call a retired gardener ??

Doug.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Ok Lorna, I will try another (but not so easy to deliver by text)

What do you call a man with a plank of wood on his head? (Stick with me Lorna )

D."

Go on I'll bite!

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By *uzzy NavelWoman
over a year ago

so near and yet so far....

Two cannibals eating a clown, one cannibal says to the other cannibal, does he taste funny to you?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Two cannibals eating a clown, one cannibal says to the other cannibal, does he taste funny to you? "

That's more like it!

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By *ntrigued32Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham


"Ok Lorna, I will try another (but not so easy to deliver by text)

What do you call a man with a plank of wood on his head? (Stick with me Lorna )

D.

Go on I'll bite! "

EdWood! (Stay with me!)

A man with 3 planks on his head?

D.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Ok Lorna, I will try another (but not so easy to deliver by text)

What do you call a man with a plank of wood on his head? (Stick with me Lorna )

D.

Go on I'll bite!

EdWood! (Stay with me!)

A man with 3 planks on his head?

D."

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By *ensualbicockMan
over a year ago

liverpool wavertree picton clock

Why shouldn't you wear cheap Russian underwear?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Why shouldn't you wear cheap Russian underwear?"

Do tell.

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

You know why you never see elephants hiding up in trees?

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By *ntrigued32Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham


"Ok Lorna, I will try another (but not so easy to deliver by text)

What do you call a man with a plank of wood on his head? (Stick with me Lorna )

D.

Go on I'll bite!

EdWood! (Stay with me!)

A man with 3 planks on his head?

D.

"

C’mon Lorna! Where nearly there!

EdWood WoodWood!

Ok the punchline

What do you call a man with four planks on his head?

D.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have no jokes but hot chocolate and a fleece blanket x

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By *ensualbicockMan
over a year ago

liverpool wavertree picton clock


"Why shouldn't you wear cheap Russian underwear?

Do tell. "

Coz Chenobyl fallout

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"You know why you never see elephants hiding up in trees?"

Go on...

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By *ntrigued32Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham


"Ok Lorna, I will try another (but not so easy to deliver by text)

What do you call a man with a plank of wood on his head? (Stick with me Lorna )

D.

Go on I'll bite!

EdWood! (Stay with me!)

A man with 3 planks on his head?

D.

C’mon Lorna! Were nearly there!

EdWood WoodWood!

Ok the punchline

What do you call a man with four planks on his head?

D."

*

D.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Why shouldn't you wear cheap Russian underwear?

Do tell.

Coz Chenobyl fallout "

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Ok Lorna, I will try another (but not so easy to deliver by text)

What do you call a man with a plank of wood on his head? (Stick with me Lorna )

D.

Go on I'll bite!

EdWood! (Stay with me!)

A man with 3 planks on his head?

D.

C’mon Lorna! Were nearly there!

EdWood WoodWood!

Ok the punchline

What do you call a man with four planks on his head?

D.

*

D."

. I appreciate the effort.

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By *ntrigued32Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham


"Ok Lorna, I will try another (but not so easy to deliver by text)

What do you call a man with a plank of wood on his head? (Stick with me Lorna )

D.

Go on I'll bite!

EdWood! (Stay with me!)

A man with 3 planks on his head?

D.

C’mon Lorna! Were nearly there!

EdWood WoodWood!

Ok the punchline

What do you call a man with four planks on his head?

D.

*

D.

. I appreciate the effort. "

So.... what do you call a man with 4 planks on his head?

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch


"You know why you never see elephants hiding up in trees?

Go on... "

because they are really good at it

I won’t give up the day job

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

This one is better

What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A man goes to a sex shop and sees a blow up sex doll on sale for £10 . So he buys it , but when he tries it he finds that it has a slow puncture.

So he takes it back to the shop to complain, and says to the assistant. This doll that I bought for £10 keeps going down on me. The assistant replies if I had know that sir I would have charged you £20.

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By *uzzy NavelWoman
over a year ago

so near and yet so far....

My dog Minton has eaten all my shuttlecocks..

Badminton

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By *ntrigued32Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham


"A man goes to a sex shop and sees a blow up sex doll on sale for £10 . So he buys it , but when he tries it he finds that it has a slow puncture.

So he takes it back to the shop to complain, and says to the assistant. This doll that I bought for £10 keeps going down on me. The assistant replies if I had know that sir I would have charged you £20."

D.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This one is better

What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic?"

Some one that lays awake at night wondering about the existence of Dog ??

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By *he Mac LassWoman
over a year ago

Hefty Hideaway

Oh gosh a joke?

Um. How do you tell the difference between a frog and a horny toad? The frog says ribbit ribbit and a horny toad says rubbit rubbit.

Sorry

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By *lbinoGorillaMan
over a year ago

Redditch

What do you get if you combine bondage, bestiality and necrophilia?

Flogging a dead horse

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By *lbinoGorillaMan
over a year ago

Redditch


"Hear about the guy drowned in a bowl of muesli?

He was dragged under by a strong currant

Thank you. I'm here all week

I did actually lol at that. "

Glad to have helped cheer you up for a moment

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm sat at the bus stop on the way home from work..... and I need a poo. Those speed bumps are gonna be hard work.

Aaaaand the bus just drove straight past.

P

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By *irenGuy70Man
over a year ago

Cirencester


"My dog Minton has eaten all my shuttlecocks..

Badminton "

I opened a casino for dogs. Poker, Blackjack and Roulette all under one roof. They have to go outside for craps.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Quasimodo went into a bar and said,

"a whisky please"!.

"Bells alright" ?

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch


"This one is better

What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic?

Some one that lays awake at night wondering about the existence of Dog ??"

Oi oi you nicked my punch line haha

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

I want to join in but I'm no good with jokes..feel better soon Lorna x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This one is better

What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic?

Some one that lays awake at night wondering about the existence of Dog ??

Oi oi you nicked my punch line haha "

Oh sorry I thought that there was a prize for getting the right answer

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By *ensualbicockMan
over a year ago

liverpool wavertree picton clock


"This one is better

What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic?

Some one that lays awake at night wondering about the existence of Dog ??

Oi oi you nicked my punch line haha "

I didn't know i was dyslexic till a teacher spotted me dancing to YMCA at the school disco

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Handed my notice in at Subways: they'll never get anyone to fill the role.

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By *iss behaving2019Woman
over a year ago

East Yorkshire

Man staggered in to see his doctor. The doctor noticed his unsteadiness and pointed to a chair and told him to sit down. The man missed the chair and fell to the floor. " D*unk again" said the doctor! " ok, I will come back later when you are sober" replied the man!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Abolish all acronyms ASAP

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its a long one but funny:

A man sees a sign outside a house:

'Talking Dog For Sale'....He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden.

The man sees a very nice looking Black Labrador sitting there.

"Do you really talk?" He asks the dog.

"Yes!" The Labrador replies.

After recovering from the shock of hearing the dog talk, he man asks, "So, tell me your story!"

The Labrador looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the SAS.

"In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one imagined that a dog would be eavesdropping.

I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years, But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at Heathrow to do some undercover security work, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded several medals. I got married, had a few puppies, and now I've just retired!"

The man is amazed. He goes back into the house and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog.

"Ten quid!" The owner says.

"£10? But this dog is absolutely amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?"

"Because he's a lying cunt. He's never been out of the garden!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've finally had my shit.

You're welcome.

P

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Its a long one but funny:

A man sees a sign outside a house:

'Talking Dog For Sale'....He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden.

The man sees a very nice looking Black Labrador sitting there.

"Do you really talk?" He asks the dog.

"Yes!" The Labrador replies.

After recovering from the shock of hearing the dog talk, he man asks, "So, tell me your story!"

The Labrador looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the SAS.

"In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one imagined that a dog would be eavesdropping.

I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years, But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at Heathrow to do some undercover security work, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded several medals. I got married, had a few puppies, and now I've just retired!"

The man is amazed. He goes back into the house and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog.

"Ten quid!" The owner says.

"£10? But this dog is absolutely amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?"

"Because he's a lying cunt. He's never been out of the garden!""

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A train hits a bus load of Catholic school girls and they all die. They all arrive at heaven wanting to enter the pearly gates.

St. Peter asks the first girl, "Mary, have you ever had any contact with a penis?

She giggles and shyly replies, "Well I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger.

St. Peter says, "Well, dip the tip of your finger in The Holy Water and pass through the gate."

St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, "Jennifer have you ever had any contact with a penis?

The girl is a little reluctant but replies, "Well once I fondled and stroked one."

St. Peter says, "Then dip your whole hand in The Holy Water and pass through the gate."

All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls, one girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front of the line St. Peter says, "Lisa! What seems to be the rush?"

The girl replies, "If I'm going to have to gargle with that Holy Water, I want to do it before Tiffany sticks her arse in it"..

P

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've finally had my shit.

You're welcome.

P"

That must be a load off your mind

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By *irenGuy70Man
over a year ago

Cirencester


"Its a long one but funny:

A man sees a sign outside a house:

'Talking Dog For Sale'....He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden.

The man sees a very nice looking Black Labrador sitting there.

"Do you really talk?" He asks the dog.

"Yes!" The Labrador replies.

After recovering from the shock of hearing the dog talk, he man asks, "So, tell me your story!"

The Labrador looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the SAS.

"In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one imagined that a dog would be eavesdropping.

I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years, But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at Heathrow to do some undercover security work, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded several medals. I got married, had a few puppies, and now I've just retired!"

The man is amazed. He goes back into the house and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog.

"Ten quid!" The owner says.

"£10? But this dog is absolutely amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?"

"Because he's a lying cunt. He's never been out of the garden!""

Proper laughed at that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Its a long one but funny:

A man sees a sign outside a house:

'Talking Dog For Sale'....He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden.

The man sees a very nice looking Black Labrador sitting there.

"Do you really talk?" He asks the dog.

"Yes!" The Labrador replies.

After recovering from the shock of hearing the dog talk, he man asks, "So, tell me your story!"

The Labrador looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the SAS.

"In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one imagined that a dog would be eavesdropping.

I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years, But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at Heathrow to do some undercover security work, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded several medals. I got married, had a few puppies, and now I've just retired!"

The man is amazed. He goes back into the house and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog.

"Ten quid!" The owner says.

"£10? But this dog is absolutely amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?"

"Because he's a lying cunt. He's never been out of the garden!""

i genuanly lol at that

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By *ork fellaMan
over a year ago

Macroom

A bit dodgy but shur here goes...

Apparently 1 in every 3 of us live next door to a paedophile.

Not me though, I live next door to a cracking pair of 12 year olds

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38


"Its a long one but funny:

A man sees a sign outside a house:

'Talking Dog For Sale'....He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden.

The man sees a very nice looking Black Labrador sitting there.

"Do you really talk?" He asks the dog.

"Yes!" The Labrador replies.

After recovering from the shock of hearing the dog talk, he man asks, "So, tell me your story!"

The Labrador looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the SAS.

"In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one imagined that a dog would be eavesdropping.

I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years, But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at Heathrow to do some undercover security work, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded several medals. I got married, had a few puppies, and now I've just retired!"

The man is amazed. He goes back into the house and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog.

"Ten quid!" The owner says.

"£10? But this dog is absolutely amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?"

"Because he's a lying cunt. He's never been out of the garden!" "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What’s red and smells like blue paint?

D.

Oh do tell!

Red paint!

D."

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38


"

A train hits a bus load of Catholic school girls and they all die. They all arrive at heaven wanting to enter the pearly gates.

St. Peter asks the first girl, "Mary, have you ever had any contact with a penis?

She giggles and shyly replies, "Well I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger.

St. Peter says, "Well, dip the tip of your finger in The Holy Water and pass through the gate."

St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, "Jennifer have you ever had any contact with a penis?

The girl is a little reluctant but replies, "Well once I fondled and stroked one."

St. Peter says, "Then dip your whole hand in The Holy Water and pass through the gate."

All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls, one girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front of the line St. Peter says, "Lisa! What seems to be the rush?"

The girl replies, "If I'm going to have to gargle with that Holy Water, I want to do it before Tiffany sticks her arse in it"..

P"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Its a long one but funny:

A man sees a sign outside a house:

'Talking Dog For Sale'....He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden.

The man sees a very nice looking Black Labrador sitting there.

"Do you really talk?" He asks the dog.

"Yes!" The Labrador replies.

After recovering from the shock of hearing the dog talk, he man asks, "So, tell me your story!"

The Labrador looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the SAS.

"In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one imagined that a dog would be eavesdropping.

I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years, But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at Heathrow to do some undercover security work, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded several medals. I got married, had a few puppies, and now I've just retired!"

The man is amazed. He goes back into the house and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog.

"Ten quid!" The owner says.

"£10? But this dog is absolutely amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?"

"Because he's a lying cunt. He's never been out of the garden!"

"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

A train hits a bus load of Catholic school girls and they all die. They all arrive at heaven wanting to enter the pearly gates.

St. Peter asks the first girl, "Mary, have you ever had any contact with a penis?

She giggles and shyly replies, "Well I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger.

St. Peter says, "Well, dip the tip of your finger in The Holy Water and pass through the gate."

St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, "Jennifer have you ever had any contact with a penis?

The girl is a little reluctant but replies, "Well once I fondled and stroked one."

St. Peter says, "Then dip your whole hand in The Holy Water and pass through the gate."

All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls, one girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front of the line St. Peter says, "Lisa! What seems to be the rush?"

The girl replies, "If I'm going to have to gargle with that Holy Water, I want to do it before Tiffany sticks her arse in it"..

P

"

That's awesome And I'm poorly too

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By *lbinoGorillaMan
over a year ago

Redditch

My girlfriend's such a slag I've started selling her bath water as a protein shake....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why wasn't Jesus born in Cornwall?

They couldn't find three wise men and a Virgin!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you hear about the bloke who had 5 cocks ?

Apparently his underpants fitted like a glove

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

You and me both Lorna! I’ve had a lousy cold since Monday I’ll be pleased to get home tonight

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the most common type of owl?.

A tea towel.

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By *xhib12Man
over a year ago

Blyth

What do Essex girls use for protection during sex?

A bus shelter.........

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"OK looks like I will have to tell myself a Joke!

What do you call a line of barbie dolls?

A barbie queue. "

I just died a little inside

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"OK looks like I will have to tell myself a Joke!

What do you call a line of barbie dolls?

A barbie queue.

I just died a little inside "

Oi! I'm hilarious.

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By *lbinoGorillaMan
over a year ago

Redditch

What's the one thing worse than finding half a worm in your apple?

Finding a blue vein in your hotdog

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A bear walks into a bar and says: “A pint of .................... bitter please”

The barman says, “Sure, but why the big pause?”

The bear says: “I’m a bear!”

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan
over a year ago

Sussex

DOCTOR! DOCTOR! I can't decide whether I prefer a marquee or a wigwam and it's making me so anxious!

Doctor: "I know what you're condition is... You're two tents"

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford


"To help me feel better.

pretty please. "

I have no jokes, lovely Lorna, but feel well soon

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Four-letter word for a relative that ends in 'unt'?

Aunt

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I paid a carpenter £500 to make me a new double bed but the Bastards done a bunk

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said, "Perfect timing. You're just like Brian!"

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Brian Sullivan. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happen like that to Brian Sullivan, every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Brian Sullivan. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."

Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."

Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Brian Sullivan, he could do everything right."

Passenger: "Wow. Some guy then."

Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Brian, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Brian Sullivan."

Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"

Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Brian. He died. I'm married to his fucking widow."

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said, "Perfect timing. You're just like Brian!"

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Brian Sullivan. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happen like that to Brian Sullivan, every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Brian Sullivan. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."

Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."

Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Brian Sullivan, he could do everything right."

Passenger: "Wow. Some guy then."

Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Brian, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Brian Sullivan."

Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"

Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Brian. He died. I'm married to his fucking widow.""

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So Lorna, was laughter truly the best medicine???

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By *orraine999Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere

What did the fisherman say to the magician?

Pick a cod, any cod.

Feel better Lorna

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A fortnight ago I sent my hearing aid for repair. I've heard nothing since !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What’s orange and sounds like a carrot??

A parrot....

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