FabSwingers.com forum: Battling with losing a child

By *heekychap76 OP Man
over a year ago

Ipswich

It's been just over a year now, anyone else had this?

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By *9funcpl69XXXMan
over a year ago

norwich

Yes I wish I could tell you it gets easier just stay strong mate

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By *lderamDarkMan
over a year ago

Bromsgrove

Yes it's been three years, the amount of times I've heard time will heal or remember the good times, that just makes it worse.

My advice to you is if your still struggling speak to the doctor for some counselling I doubted it at first but speaking about it to a professional really does help I am sorry for your loss as it's still newish.

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By *ookie46Woman
over a year ago

Deepest darkest Peru

My grandson passed away in 2017 at 24 days old He would have been two in in 6 days time. I just know the pain I felt and how' heart wrenching it was to watch my daughter make decisions no parent should have to make

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By *heekychap76 OP Man
over a year ago

Ipswich

I'm doing pretty well, so I've been told. just such a weird year just over...

I'm not sure if it's worse cause she was a baby or not....or is it just different. It's eats me away as I lost my dad when I was a baby.

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By *ookie46Woman
over a year ago

Deepest darkest Peru

"I'm doing pretty well, so I've been told. just such a weird year just over...

I'm not sure if it's worse cause she was a baby or not....or is it just different. It's eats me away as I lost my dad when I was a baby."

You grieve for the child, person they would become. Everyday I wonder what my grandson would look like, what would be his favourite toy

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By *lderamDarkMan
over a year ago

Bromsgrove

"I'm doing pretty well, so I've been told. just such a weird year just over...

I'm not sure if it's worse cause she was a baby or not....or is it just different. It's eats me away as I lost my dad when I was a baby.

You grieve for the child, person they would become. Everyday I wonder what my grandson would look like, what would be his favourite toy"

My daughter would of been 7 in july and she passed in her sleep that was the only positive, it was horrendous the next day I didnt speak much that day, didnt eat for 3 days locked myself away shut my family and friends off even then it still didnt help I just wanted it to go back to how it used to be.

There is no pain like it losing a child is like losing a part of you at that time I really didnt see a light at the end of the tunnel and for at least 2 months at times I still went to do things I normally did with her for example wake her up, get her food ready for school etc etc.

Now all I do is talk to her and tell her about everything that's going on, some people say it doesn't help but for me it did and still does

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

I could never imagine losing a child or grandchild and my heart goes out to you xx

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By *ookie46Woman
over a year ago

Deepest darkest Peru

"I'm doing pretty well, so I've been told. just such a weird year just over...

I'm not sure if it's worse cause she was a baby or not....or is it just different. It's eats me away as I lost my dad when I was a baby.

You grieve for the child, person they would become. Everyday I wonder what my grandson would look like, what would be his favourite toy

Now all I do is talk to her and tell her about everything that's going on, some people say it doesn't help but for me it did and still does

Do what you feel is right for you

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By *ookie46Woman
over a year ago

Deepest darkest Peru

"I could never imagine losing a child or grandchild and my heart goes out to you xx"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I haven't but as a parent I cannot imagine how I would cope. My heart and prayers are with you.

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By *heekychap76 OP Man
over a year ago

Ipswich

"I haven't but as a parent I cannot imagine how I would cope. My heart and prayers are with you. "

Thanks all you lovely people, I really appreciate it alot

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry for your loss!

I don’t have any children so I cannot imagine what it feels like, but I truly feel for anyone who loses a child.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I haven't but as a parent I cannot imagine how I would cope. My heart and prayers are with you.

Thanks all you lovely people, I really appreciate it alot"

We are all here if ever you need support. You're a great Dad.

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By *heekychap76 OP Man
over a year ago

Ipswich

"I haven't but as a parent I cannot imagine how I would cope. My heart and prayers are with you.

Thanks all you lovely people, I really appreciate it alot

We are all here if ever you need support. You're a great Dad."

Wow thanks. I was there when she was born, SCBU is a daunting place....so surreal, I never got to hold her!

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By *lderamDarkMan
over a year ago

Bromsgrove

Word if advice to the parents out there, next time they piss you off or drive you insane just remember how lucky you are to be able to share those memories and make new ones.

Dont ever take them for granted because it can all change in the blink of an eye so appreciate what you have even if they are little brats

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By *lderamDarkMan
over a year ago

Bromsgrove

OP if you ever feel like your struggling to cope and need to talk with some one who has been dealing with this a couple of years more tou know where I am bro just take each day at a time and try your best my friend

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm sorry for your loss OP. Each of us deals with it in a different way. There is no time limit on grief no right way or wrong way to feel, no one can tell you how to live each day with such a loss. Each has their own experience and finds their own way through such times.

There is only your way, day by day, in whatever way works for you. Those who tell you time heals, it's time to forget,...it doesnt. It may eventually dull the pain, and you will never forget.

I wish for you it wasnt so, but that's the way it works...

There may be times when you want to rage at the world, times when you want to hide from the world, times when you want to talk, others when you feel the need for solitude and what peace you can find in your own company. There may be times when that look passes across the face of friends, when they dont know what to say, when they avoid contact for fear of not knowing how to react to you any more.

There will be times you cry, if you can do it alone, but I suggest you try not to hide from the world. Try to accept that those who know do the best they are able, and often cannot relate to such a loss, I hope they never have to.

To you OP I hope you find your peace, and a way to live day by day, for despite the devastation of such a loss, the world is still a beautiful place in which we all walk together...

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By *heekychap76 OP Man
over a year ago

Ipswich

"I'm sorry for your loss OP. Each of us deals with it in a different way. There is no time limit on grief no right way or wrong way to feel, no one can tell you how to live each day with such a loss. Each has their own experience and finds their own way through such times.

There is only your way, day by day, in whatever way works for you. Those who tell you time heals, it's time to forget,...it doesnt. It may eventually dull the pain, and you will never forget.

I wish for you it wasnt so, but that's the way it works...

To you OP I hope you find your peace, and a way to live day by day, for despite the devastation of such a loss, the world is still a beautiful place in which we all walk together...

This has touched me and is so true....wow thank you ....words escape me at this point. Again thank you

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By *heekychap76 OP Man
over a year ago

Ipswich

"OP if you ever feel like your struggling to cope and need to talk with some one who has been dealing with this a couple of years more tou know where I am bro just take each day at a time and try your best my friend "

Thank you so much ...

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By *D40Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

Approx 27 years ago my now ex sister in law lost her baby at full term of her pregnancy. She had to give birth & we buried the little boy. I will never forget the sadness & anguish, but also the anger that life could be so cruel as to deprive a parent of a much loved child. I hope that life becomes a little less pain filled for you & that your life has some light back in it.

All my thoughts go out to those with losses.

Mrs _d40

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

27 years ago come January. It never leaves you.

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By *dward_TeagueMan
over a year ago

wolverhampton

I can’t begin to even appreciate the pain and anguish that the loss of a child would bring.

Words can be empty and meaningless but just to say that I admire those that are sharing their pain on this thread. My heart goes out to you.

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By *uciyassMan
over a year ago

sheffield

Yes, 7 years ago and it never goes away. Feel free to PM me as.

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"Word if advice to the parents out there, next time they piss you off or drive you insane just remember how lucky you are to be able to share those memories and make new ones.

Dont ever take them for granted because it can all change in the blink of an eye so appreciate what you have even if they are little brats "

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

I didn't want to read this thread, as my two boys are my world. The thought of losing them scares me, so I don't think about it. I can't imagine and don't want to, the pain some on here have been through and are still feeling. My heart goes out to anyone who's lost a child and the child as well, I know the grief would never leave me either.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I lost my daughter aged 6 months old she had leukaemia. This was 9 year's ago now 10 years in December. I totally understand what your going through. I will never forget and cherise the memories and time spent with her always take a place in my hard and will never go. Just take it day by day. I can honestly say im such a strong positive lady now. I cherish my life and live it for me. Xxx

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By *aeganaWoman
over a year ago

birmingham

Being a mommy myself i couldnt bear the thought of losing my princess. My heart goes put to all of you that have lost a child your angels are watching over you. Hugs to you all. Im off to give my baby snuggles now this has got me all teary x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If im honest id not battle with it id be consumed by grief and no use to anyone and probly not safe to be around i dont handle death well

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By *gentlegiant66Man
over a year ago

Kettering

I lost my daughter to still birth at full term then 4 years later found my eldest son dead in bed, brain tumour.

Life doesn't get better but you learn to tolerate it some.

I went into a very dark place for a year but eventually came out intact.

When it happens you just want the world to stop but life does go on.

I'm amazed I'm still here, human nature for survival can be very strong.

I now feel invincible, nothing can hurt me anymore, I'm untouchable....

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By *arkndirtyMan
over a year ago

sale

Not a parent but lost my younger brother 2 years ago and had to support my parents through it so I have a little insight. He was younger, fitter (ex Para) and had 3 young sons. My parents are divorced so have support from others rather than each other. I guess I can't give some wise advice but it is something that will always be there but the scar will become less tender. You celebrate what you did have and not yearn what you can't have. As for me I think I have gone through an extended period of hedonism to distract me but that's superficial, momentary distraction.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I lost my daughter at 3 days old. She would have turned 18 years old this past may.

I know it sounds cliched but it really does get better. It will never ever leave you though. You may go days without thinking about it but then out of nowhere something will remind you of them or a special date will come around and you’ll find yourself in the middle of Tesco crying.

Never feel ashamed to cry. Let the tears flow.

The what ifs are the worse. Wondering what life would be like if they’d not left. For me I always wonder if I’d have gone on to have my boys who I totally adore.

It’s still relatively new for you op. Grieve properly and talk to your friends or get counselling. I had shit friends at the time that didn’t want me to go round for drinks if all as I was gonna do is cry and talk about my baby.

It helped that I had a 2 year old at the time. I had to focus on her but I’d have gone to pieces otherwise. The doctor offered me antidepressants but I never accepted.

My friend lost his baby due to SIDS and he never emotionally recovered. He always blamed himself and went totally off the rails and tried to kill himself. He passed away from cancer a couple of years after he lost his child and although my heart felt like it had been ripped out, I’d like to think they’re together again at peace

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

My greatest fear is losing my kids.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's been just over a year now, anyone else had this? "

Grief is horrible. You feel like the wound heals and in the blink of an eye it is ripped open again, as fresh as if it just happened. Everything is shaped by it until it grows smaller and smaller. You never move on, you just learn to carry it with you as it becomes part of you.

Someone told me grief is just love with no where to go. I think it’s true. Sending a hug. This is a heart wrenching thread and I’m sorry for your loss OP and others who carry this pain. - Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My greatest fear is losing my kids. "

This, I always worry something is gonna happen to me or my daughter very soon it stops me appreciating the memories we have made with each other now. She's only 7 months old.

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By *urved HunnyWoman
over a year ago

Essex

I have experienced this, in a baby and with a sibling. However awful it gets, time does in fact numb some of the grief, its buried inside after 6 yrs in my case, there in your heart, but no longer unbearable. Life will get better, i promise x

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

"My greatest fear is losing my kids.

This, I always worry something is gonna happen to me or my daughter very soon it stops me appreciating the memories we have made with each other now. She's only 7 months old."

One of mine is 20. The fear has never gone away although it’s usually mild worry.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is what would destroy me and I truly marvel at how you all are coping. Strength comes in so many forms and I think although the pain will never go, how you cope with it will get better.

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By *tella HeelsTV/TS
over a year ago

west here ford shire

"It's been just over a year now, anyone else had this? "

I couldn’t cope with this, cancer I dealt and dealing with it, this nope sorry I couldnt

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By *ork fellaMan
over a year ago

Macroom

Thanks OP for making me realise how lucky I am.

I drive a 6 hour round trip every weekend to see my 3 year old daughter after the relationship with her mother ended about 2 years ago. I love my little girl to bits but I do crib about the journey and bills some times.

This weekend I will hug her a little tighter, listen more carefully when she tells me about playschool activities and play a little more with her. I will also tell her a hundred times just how proud I am of her and how much I love her.

So thank you for waking me up.

I can't imagine the pain your going through OP. I hope time will help you to cope with your loss. Be well.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP my heart goes out to you mate not the same I know but I lost my wife 17 months ago we had been together since we was 14 25 years on and we have 5 beautiful girls that remind me of her every day losing her broke me in ways I never thought possible

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

I lost my son when he was eight weeks old 29 years ago. I went to bed with three children, woke up with two.

You learn to live with it but the loss of a child, the loss of unfulfilled dreams never goes away. I'm not long back from visiting my eldest and her family. My grandsons are adorable, and I know I'm blessed, but I couldn't help but think of the time I didn’t have with my son.

If your loss becomes overwhelming seek help. Grieve in your own timescale, don't let others decide when you should "get over it" as you never will, you'll just learn to live with it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's been just over a year now, anyone else had this? "

Fair play to you all have 3 beautiful kids can’t imagine where I’d be if anything happened to any of the. It’s my only fear in life stay strong people much love to you all

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