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The trouble with loneliness,

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

is that I think it's often confused or conflated with desperation.

It's what has brought me here,and I think there are quite a few members who have a less-than-freewheeling,confidence-filled backstory.

I'm not expecting any replies or commentary. I'm writing this up here only because it might be nice for those others to know that someone else,at least,recognizes this.

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By *olgateMan
over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

I’m not lonely or desperate, what does that say about me?

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By *hromosexualsCouple
over a year ago

Near Abercynon

We are new here, so possibly not in a position to comment... but Fab seems pretty fickle and we’d worry that anyone hoping for or needing support might end up feeling worse than they already were...

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"We are new here, so possibly not in a position to comment... but Fab seems pretty fickle and we’d worry that anyone hoping for or needing support might end up feeling worse than they already were..."

I agree. That's a real risk.

As for the poster above: if the criteria don't apply to you then,clearly,it has nothing to say about you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Define lonely? I spend a fair bit of time alone but I really love my own company so I'm quite happy with that and wouldn't change it ??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The older I get the more lonely I become , when your younger you go out more , meet more people etc I can go the whole weekend without talking to a soul

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Define lonely? I spend a fair bit of time alone but I really love my own company so I'm quite happy with that and wouldn't change it ??"

Alone and lonely are two totally different things ... you can be alone but not lonely or you can be out with others and very lonely!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There can be different things that can make you feel lonely. Not having people to talk to regarding certain things can bring a sense of loneliness even if you've plenty of people in your life.

Using the forums can be a platform to speak about many many subjects, from books they love in common to trauma in common, knowing there's others out there with that something in common can make a huge difference.

I would say though, that to use fab as your only crutch, ESPECIALLY to alievate physical loneliness may not be the best idea.

P

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

lonely in a world with millions of people surely is a choice you make?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I think it depends how you interact. Sometimes the need for human company can make a person seem overly keen I think and that could be interpreted as desperation. Loneliness is horrible.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"lonely in a world with millions of people surely is a choice you make? "

No, it isn't a choice for many

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm very lonely at times but I don't expect to find the solution to that here.

I think sometimes the feeling of being alone in the world does hit me quite hard. I've no parents,no big extended family and I've been single for 10 years.

I get through it though. I don't allow myself to wallow and just get on with it .

Maybe that makes me strong or stupid I don't know

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Define lonely? I spend a fair bit of time alone but I really love my own company so I'm quite happy with that and wouldn't change it ??

Alone and lonely are two totally different things ... you can be alone but not lonely or you can be out with others and very lonely! "

Very true!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"lonely in a world with millions of people surely is a choice you make?

No, it isn't a choice for many "
i think it is, they choose not to interact with others and that can be for many different reasons but its that persons choice

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By *manaWoman
over a year ago

Basingstoke


"lonely in a world with millions of people surely is a choice you make?

No, it isn't a choice for many i think it is, they choose not to interact with others and that can be for many different reasons but its that persons choice "

Not strictly true.

What about people that struggle to communicate for whatever reason? It's not always easy xx

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By *moothman2000Man
over a year ago

Leicestershire


"

Maybe that makes me strong or stupid I don't know "

For what its worth, I'd say you were strong enough to cope and smart enough to recognise it's there.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"lonely in a world with millions of people surely is a choice you make?

No, it isn't a choice for many i think it is, they choose not to interact with others and that can be for many different reasons but its that persons choice "

my mum's carer was telling me that some housebound people can go weeks without seeing anybody but their carer.

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By *rAngleseyMan
over a year ago

Anglesey

I wish I had peace & quiet to be lonely.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"lonely in a world with millions of people surely is a choice you make?

No, it isn't a choice for many i think it is, they choose not to interact with others and that can be for many different reasons but its that persons choice "

Is crippling anxiety a choice?

P

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"lonely in a world with millions of people surely is a choice you make?

No, it isn't a choice for many i think it is, they choose not to interact with others and that can be for many different reasons but its that persons choice

Not strictly true.

What about people that struggle to communicate for whatever reason? It's not always easy xx"
struggling to communicate exactly they are struggling, a choice, when you have a bad tooth and its giving you pain you don't want to pay a dentist £60 to hurt you further and pull it out but you do its same thing you make a choice struggle or communicate

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

my mum's carer was telling me that some housebound people can go weeks without seeing anybody but their carer. "

Yes especially the elderly without family or family that don't care, that makes me sad

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"lonely in a world with millions of people surely is a choice you make?

No, it isn't a choice for many i think it is, they choose not to interact with others and that can be for many different reasons but its that persons choice

Not strictly true.

What about people that struggle to communicate for whatever reason? It's not always easy xxstruggling to communicate exactly they are struggling, a choice, when you have a bad tooth and its giving you pain you don't want to pay a dentist £60 to hurt you further and pull it out but you do its same thing you make a choice struggle or communicate "

Are you saying people choose to struggle?

I had a mental breakdown a few years ago. That was not a choice.

P

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By *uckymooMan
over a year ago

Mid-Cheshire

I think loneliness is found in many many fronts.

On paper you can have everything, family friends relationships children.

But if your soul is mateless then it can be a very single world

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By *affron40Woman
over a year ago

manchester

When somebody reaches out and says that they are lonely, for whatever reason, a little empathy would be nice.

In an era when we are actively encouraging people to reach out and communicate about how we are feeling rather than struggle alone I’m quite saddened at how people react.

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By *uckymooMan
over a year ago

Mid-Cheshire


"When somebody reaches out and says that they are lonely, for whatever reason, a little empathy would be nice.

In an era when we are actively encouraging people to reach out and communicate about how we are feeling rather than struggle alone I’m quite saddened at how people react.

You are spot on

"

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By *oppolocosTV/TS
over a year ago

inverurie


"is that I think it's often confused or conflated with desperation.

It's what has brought me here,and I think there are quite a few members who have a less-than-freewheeling,confidence-filled backstory.

Lonsliness is a state of mind,it has nothing to do with friends, family, relationships or lack thereof. It's about feeling that you don't fit in, that you can't take that step to meet people, to talk to them, to actually be open about how you feel. Even some of those apparently confident, free wheeling people are actually lonely and covering it with a false front of bravado. Try just saying hello to strangers as you wander through life, often they will talk back. Get a dog, people seem far more willing to talk to you when you have a dog with you.

I'm not expecting any replies or commentary. I'm writing this up here only because it might be nice for those others to know that someone else,at least,recognizes this.

"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People are getting busier and more rude too. Too many people in a hurry...to nowhere.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get lonely and struggle to communicate at times

I’d love to find my soul mate

But I also know that’s highly unlikely on here

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Delightful Bliss


"

my mum's carer was telling me that some housebound people can go weeks without seeing anybody but their carer.

Yes especially the elderly without family or family that don't care, that makes me sad "

I have a few lovely elderly neighours I go and visit and take shopping and have a natter with them as they have no family.

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By *aven RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"When somebody reaches out and says that they are lonely, for whatever reason, a little empathy would be nice.

In an era when we are actively encouraging people to reach out and communicate about how we are feeling rather than struggle alone I’m quite saddened at how people react.

"

Well said. Sometimes it can be hard to reach out too. Loneliness isn't a choice. Being alone and liking your own company isn't loneliness. Lots of people have social anxiety and struggle in big group situations, or other issues that make it hard for them x

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By *affron40Woman
over a year ago

manchester


"When somebody reaches out and says that they are lonely, for whatever reason, a little empathy would be nice.

In an era when we are actively encouraging people to reach out and communicate about how we are feeling rather than struggle alone I’m quite saddened at how people react.

Well said. Sometimes it can be hard to reach out too. Loneliness isn't a choice. Being alone and liking your own company isn't loneliness. Lots of people have social anxiety and struggle in big group situations, or other issues that make it hard for them x"

Exactly! Does my head in when people jump in with sarcastic comments when someone’s just making a post about how they’re feeling x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fab has very much been my saviour when I have been ill and maybe not been out for months. Even when I am down the forums can give me a giggle and brighten up my day. So thank you fab x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"

my mum's carer was telling me that some housebound people can go weeks without seeing anybody but their carer.

Yes especially the elderly without family or family that don't care, that makes me sad

I have a few lovely elderly neighours I go and visit and take shopping and have a natter with them as they have no family."

we used to have an older lady next door to us who was very lonely. I would go in once a week but I dreaded it, she was incredibly boring, chain smoked and drank like a fish

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By *aven RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"When somebody reaches out and says that they are lonely, for whatever reason, a little empathy would be nice.

In an era when we are actively encouraging people to reach out and communicate about how we are feeling rather than struggle alone I’m quite saddened at how people react.

Well said. Sometimes it can be hard to reach out too. Loneliness isn't a choice. Being alone and liking your own company isn't loneliness. Lots of people have social anxiety and struggle in big group situations, or other issues that make it hard for them x

Exactly! Does my head in when people jump in with sarcastic comments when someone’s just making a post about how they’re feeling x "

Me too. Have a little empathy or even if you have nothing nice or productive to say then don't say anything x

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By *affron40Woman
over a year ago

manchester


"When somebody reaches out and says that they are lonely, for whatever reason, a little empathy would be nice.

In an era when we are actively encouraging people to reach out and communicate about how we are feeling rather than struggle alone I’m quite saddened at how people react.

Well said. Sometimes it can be hard to reach out too. Loneliness isn't a choice. Being alone and liking your own company isn't loneliness. Lots of people have social anxiety and struggle in big group situations, or other issues that make it hard for them x

Exactly! Does my head in when people jump in with sarcastic comments when someone’s just making a post about how they’re feeling x

Me too. Have a little empathy or even if you have nothing nice or productive to say then don't say anything x"

Yup

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There have been some knobby comments, and they show themselves up, but the idea of the forum is for everyone to have a say, not just ppl who share the same view. I think it's a sad day when ppl are told to shut up, even if they are knobs

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I think discussion is useful and informative. Views expressed respectfully are allowed

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By *aven RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"There have been some knobby comments, and they show themselves up, but the idea of the forum is for everyone to have a say, not just ppl who share the same view. I think it's a sad day when ppl are told to shut up, even if they are knobs "

As you said, everyone is entitled to their opinion. I think it's sad when someone shares their feelings and says about being lonely and others say it's a choice to be that way. In my opinion x

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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago

Hillside desolate


"There have been some knobby comments, and they show themselves up, but the idea of the forum is for everyone to have a say, not just ppl who share the same view. I think it's a sad day when ppl are told to shut up, even if they are knobs "

Hmm, everyone is allowed their own views but when someone is expressing vulnerability is that the time to challenge them? I don't think so, and if you do, expect to be challenged back.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There have been some knobby comments, and they show themselves up, but the idea of the forum is for everyone to have a say, not just ppl who share the same view. I think it's a sad day when ppl are told to shut up, even if they are knobs

As you said, everyone is entitled to their opinion. I think it's sad when someone shares their feelings and says about being lonely and others say it's a choice to be that way. In my opinion x"

And I should add that I agree with that too

Just let the stupid ppl be stupid, censorship creates a lazy society and we then forget how to debate and combat twattiness

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Delightful Bliss


"

my mum's carer was telling me that some housebound people can go weeks without seeing anybody but their carer.

Yes especially the elderly without family or family that don't care, that makes me sad

I have a few lovely elderly neighours I go and visit and take shopping and have a natter with them as they have no family.

we used to have an older lady next door to us who was very lonely. I would go in once a week but I dreaded it, she was incredibly boring, chain smoked and drank like a fish "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"lonely in a world with millions of people surely is a choice you make?

No, it isn't a choice for many "

I would hazard a guess that as it's an emotion, and emotions are reactive (to stimuli), it's never a choice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Obv coz I say that ALL ppl are entitled to post then I MUST be siding with the ppl you don't like. Can't win really so I'll zip it for fear of upsetting the oversensitive on someone else's behalf......

I was defending common sense, not any specific comments or views....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I wish I had peace & quiet to be lonely."

Then you don't understand it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"lonely in a world with millions of people surely is a choice you make?

No, it isn't a choice for many i think it is, they choose not to interact with others and that can be for many different reasons but its that persons choice

Not strictly true.

What about people that struggle to communicate for whatever reason? It's not always easy xxstruggling to communicate exactly they are struggling, a choice, when you have a bad tooth and its giving you pain you don't want to pay a dentist £60 to hurt you further and pull it out but you do its same thing you make a choice struggle or communicate "

Oh dear

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By *aven RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"There have been some knobby comments, and they show themselves up, but the idea of the forum is for everyone to have a say, not just ppl who share the same view. I think it's a sad day when ppl are told to shut up, even if they are knobs

As you said, everyone is entitled to their opinion. I think it's sad when someone shares their feelings and says about being lonely and others say it's a choice to be that way. In my opinion x

And I should add that I agree with that too

Just let the stupid ppl be stupid, censorship creates a lazy society and we then forget how to debate and combat twattiness "

Suppose it's natural selection at its best then. It's good when true colours are shown through peoples posts x

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By *rimson_RoseWoman
over a year ago

Tamworth


"lonely in a world with millions of people surely is a choice you make?

No, it isn't a choice for many i think it is, they choose not to interact with others and that can be for many different reasons but its that persons choice

Not strictly true.

What about people that struggle to communicate for whatever reason? It's not always easy xxstruggling to communicate exactly they are struggling, a choice, when you have a bad tooth and its giving you pain you don't want to pay a dentist £60 to hurt you further and pull it out but you do its same thing you make a choice struggle or communicate "

Quite a judgemental approach that says more about you than the people you’re judging.

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By *arkb73Man
over a year ago

Cheshire/Staffs


"lonely in a world with millions of people surely is a choice you make?

No, it isn't a choice for many i think it is, they choose not to interact with others and that can be for many different reasons but its that persons choice

Not strictly true.

What about people that struggle to communicate for whatever reason? It's not always easy xxstruggling to communicate exactly they are struggling, a choice, when you have a bad tooth and its giving you pain you don't want to pay a dentist £60 to hurt you further and pull it out but you do its same thing you make a choice struggle or communicate "

I’d give it a rest pal - you don’t know what you’re talking about

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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago

West Wales


"lonely in a world with millions of people surely is a choice you make?

No, it isn't a choice for many

I would hazard a guess that as it's an emotion, and emotions are reactive (to stimuli), it's never a choice. "

Agreed, I get periods of melancholy, I wouldn't go as far as calling them depression as I know people close to me with that.

Once I went to a party with my then gf, All laughing & joking with friends but for one moment I looked away & caught my gf's eye.

Later she commented that I was the only person she knew that could be in a room full of friends & yet still look totally alone. She said she could see it plain as day in my eyes. That was a melancholy day & I really didn't want to be there but forced myself.

Its got much better as I've got older, though I still get one or two days a month.

I'd agree with some others though, this is not the place to try & sort it out & will in all likelihood make matters worse IMO.

S

S

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"lonely in a world with millions of people surely is a choice you make? "

Pardon me my dear, but your ignorance is showing. Or maybe it's immaturity?

Loneliness is not a choice and it's completely different to being alone. I'm alone a lot more now than when I had a house full of kids/friends/dogs etc. But I love it. I choose who I see and when. I never thought I would be content as a solo person, but I've proved myself wrong!

Loneliness is a completely different kettle of fish though. And being a GAD disorder sufferer, I get how hard and how daunting every single day can be. Maybe we should all just try a little tenderness and compassion. It costs nothing.

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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago

West Wales


"I wish I had peace & quiet to be lonely."

You don't need peace & quiet, if you think that then you don't get what it is.

Its in your headspace, not your physical being.

S

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There have been some knobby comments, and they show themselves up, but the idea of the forum is for everyone to have a say, not just ppl who share the same view. I think it's a sad day when ppl are told to shut up, even if they are knobs

As you said, everyone is entitled to their opinion. I think it's sad when someone shares their feelings and says about being lonely and others say it's a choice to be that way. In my opinion x

And I should add that I agree with that too

Just let the stupid ppl be stupid, censorship creates a lazy society and we then forget how to debate and combat twattiness "

I don't think people are saying if you're gonna be a dick, don't comment. They're merely saying that if you are gonna comment, don't be a dick. And honestly the guy who said loneliness is a choice was being very ignorant about it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I choose to be alone rather be alone than hurt. My mental health won't let me love. So I shelter myself instead x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Too many barriers x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There have been some knobby comments, and they show themselves up, but the idea of the forum is for everyone to have a say, not just ppl who share the same view. I think it's a sad day when ppl are told to shut up, even if they are knobs

As you said, everyone is entitled to their opinion. I think it's sad when someone shares their feelings and says about being lonely and others say it's a choice to be that way. In my opinion x

And I should add that I agree with that too

Just let the stupid ppl be stupid, censorship creates a lazy society and we then forget how to debate and combat twattiness

I don't think people are saying if you're gonna be a dick, don't comment. They're merely saying that if you are gonna comment, don't be a dick. And honestly the guy who said loneliness is a choice was being very ignorant about it."

Who knows? I don't think you know any more than I do, but then I DON'T KNOW..... ....Probs best to stick to the original topic than guess....

Hope you get a shag soon, maybe this thread will help

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