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Abuse

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Is it abuse if you dont realise someone abusing you? What i mean is

Is it for witnesses to decide if your getting abused or you youself ?

Or is that just interfering folk just sticking there beak in just to be good citizens?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some people are abused but aren’t aware it’s happening until someone gently points it out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Abuse sadly comes in many different forms so yes absolutely it can go unnoticed

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

if someone is vulnerable they may not realise it until pointed out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"if someone is vulnerable they may not realise it until pointed out.

"

This. You often find people living with a controlling partner can't see it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Abuse...mine went unnoticed throughout my childhood into teens..violent abuse at home was bad enough but then it drove me to spend my time out of the house alone where I was picked up by other types of offender because they knew I had nowhere to run to...not back then...3 years ago flashbacks started and nearly destroyed me but here I am..I got through it...so I can assure ya it not only goes unnoticed but sometimes when recognised it is ignored..

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By *cd and scruffCouple
over a year ago

Rochester


"if someone is vulnerable they may not realise it until pointed out.

This. You often find people living with a controlling partner can't see it "

Absolutely

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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

Abuse comes in many shapes and forms and is not a lighthearted subject.

People who are being abused don't always know that's what's happening to them.

People perceive things as abuse when not and not see when it is.

Physical abuse can leave signs however mental doesn't always leave signs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"if someone is vulnerable they may not realise it until pointed out.

This. You often find people living with a controlling partner can't see it "

This was case of my gf...he still tries it now when he contacts over kids etc but she grits her teeth and ignores it..alas they have to communicate because of kids...life can be a bitch or a bastard

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By *ove3funCouple
over a year ago

Cheltenham

Yes.

I would also say that there are nosy (sometimes well meaning, not always) people who talk shit.

You know the truth.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Abuse is a tenacious demon which takes on different personas. Many of these are invisible to the person involved who can be told but won’t believe it. Sometimes for a very long time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Abuse comes in many shapes and forms and is not a lighthearted subject.

People who are being abused don't always know that's what's happening to them.

People perceive things as abuse when not and not see when it is.

Physical abuse can leave signs however mental doesn't always leave signs.

"

So true

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By *manaWoman
over a year ago

Basingstoke

Sometimes abuse is so cleverly done that its mistaken for love.

It's a very deep issue and there are many types of abuse, if the person involved has only ever known controlling behaviour it will be thought of as love.

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By *hoenixAdAstraWoman
over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows


"if someone is vulnerable they may not realise it until pointed out.

This. You often find people living with a controlling partner can't see it "

Definitely!

I lived with a complete control freak. He took over every aspect of my life.

I really didn't have a clue, it was subtle, slow & very scheming.

My eldest son, 11 at the time, noticed it.

He knew we had plans for a certain day, he'd been there when we'd discussed it.

So when my (now) ex denied knowing what I was talking about, telling me I'd imagined it, he knew it was a lie.

He started keeping notes, until he felt he had enough to show me!

It took a child to see what no one could.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"if someone is vulnerable they may not realise it until pointed out.

This. You often find people living with a controlling partner can't see it

Definitely!

I lived with a complete control freak. He took over every aspect of my life.

I really didn't have a clue, it was subtle, slow & very scheming.

My eldest son, 11 at the time, noticed it.

He knew we had plans for a certain day, he'd been there when we'd discussed it.

So when my (now) ex denied knowing what I was talking about, telling me I'd imagined it, he knew it was a lie.

He started keeping notes, until he felt he had enough to show me!

It took a child to see what no one could.

"

Brave boy you have there and you’re lucky to have such a person in your life

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Abuse...mine went unnoticed throughout my childhood into teens..violent abuse at home was bad enough but then it drove me to spend my time out of the house alone where I was picked up by other types of offender because they knew I had nowhere to run to...not back then...3 years ago flashbacks started and nearly destroyed me but here I am..I got through it...so I can assure ya it not only goes unnoticed but sometimes when recognised it is ignored.."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Abuse can take many years to show its face in all its glory.

Many many many little things over a long period of time. One small thing isn't abuse right?

But then that one small thing becomes your new "normal"

This happens over and over again, years of manipulation, years of new little things becoming your every day life.

Now, if you'd had a list of these "little things" and asked yourself would you ever get into a relationship with someone who does these things, I can guarantee your answer would be "get fucked, what do you think I am, mental?"

P

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Sometimes the person being abused will deny it in front of their abuser because admitting it would invite further abuse

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By *elliNevvaMan
over a year ago

London

Are we talking self abuse here? a.k.a. if no one is in the forest when the tree falls does it make a sound kinda stuff?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Abuse...mine went unnoticed throughout my childhood into teens..violent abuse at home was bad enough but then it drove me to spend my time out of the house alone where I was picked up by other types of offender because they knew I had nowhere to run to...not back then...3 years ago flashbacks started and nearly destroyed me but here I am..I got through it...so I can assure ya it not only goes unnoticed but sometimes when recognised it is ignored.."

I truly feel you pain I really do. The flash backs and nightmares never leave.

I have told my story on here before, but it gets easier now so I will do it again and hopefully our story's will help others to find hope.

I too was violently abused from as far back as I can remember, I was an Orphan, an abandoned baby, grow up in an Orphanage run by Nuns (The Sisters of the Nazarene) the treatment they give out was nothing more than sadistic torture, before I was 9yrs old I dad suffered two broken ribs, the bone calluses still stick out to this day the breaks were that bad, I have burn scars, also scars from being whipped and caned so hard the skin would split open. They treated the ones without any family or relatives, much worse than the others who had relatives there was nobody to ask awkward questions that way.

I ran away numerous times always being taken back by the Police, they would ask about the scars and burns and I would tell them how I got them, they even took me to the Hospital once but the Doctor ignored everything and said I was a fit healthy buy who must get into fights and fall alot, so they still took me back, believing the Nuns that I was clumsy and always fighting and fell on a fire or iron or down the stairs. My punishment for defiance was locked in the celler for the night.

It wasn't an Orphanage to us it was Hell a place of pain, misery and suffering. It all stopped about 6 month's before my 10th birthday, and i was removed from there on my 10th birthday, I now know why it stopped!

There were 23 children in the home it was mixed some were girls all suffered some sort of abuse.

But four of us were abandoned no family what's so ever three boys and a girl, the girl was sexually abused many times by the priests and the nuns as were the two of the boys, I must have been sexually abused at some point but it must be a very surpresed memory if I was

I know the girl killed herself in her teens, and one of boys also died of an overdose.

The other boy is alive and well happily married with children and we stay in contact and I stay at his home when I vist the uk it's very emotional every time we meet.

Did the police know what was going on? Yeah sure they did they must have I wasn't the only one to talk, did the Authorities know? They definitely had an idea things were not right. Did some of the visitors know? I can't believe they didn't suspect!

But guess what these are Nuns and Priests people of God they are on this earth to give love and care.

Fortunately a lot of these places have been investigated and those still living have gone to jail, which to me is not enough.

It has taken a lot out of me writing this, bit does help even if everyone is just in cyberspace.

Need a whiskey now ffs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Abuse...mine went unnoticed throughout my childhood into teens..violent abuse at home was bad enough but then it drove me to spend my time out of the house alone where I was picked up by other types of offender because they knew I had nowhere to run to...not back then...3 years ago flashbacks started and nearly destroyed me but here I am..I got through it...so I can assure ya it not only goes unnoticed but sometimes when recognised it is ignored..

I truly feel you pain I really do. The flash backs and nightmares never leave.

I have told my story on here before, but it gets easier now so I will do it again and hopefully our story's will help others to find hope.

I too was violently abused from as far back as I can remember, I was an Orphan, an abandoned baby, grow up in an Orphanage run by Nuns (The Sisters of the Nazarene) the treatment they give out was nothing more than sadistic torture, before I was 9yrs old I dad suffered two broken ribs, the bone calluses still stick out to this day the breaks were that bad, I have burn scars, also scars from being whipped and caned so hard the skin would split open. They treated the ones without any family or relatives, much worse than the others who had relatives there was nobody to ask awkward questions that way.

I ran away numerous times always being taken back by the Police, they would ask about the scars and burns and I would tell them how I got them, they even took me to the Hospital once but the Doctor ignored everything and said I was a fit healthy buy who must get into fights and fall alot, so they still took me back, believing the Nuns that I was clumsy and always fighting and fell on a fire or iron or down the stairs. My punishment for defiance was locked in the celler for the night.

It wasn't an Orphanage to us it was Hell a place of pain, misery and suffering. It all stopped about 6 month's before my 10th birthday, and i was removed from there on my 10th birthday, I now know why it stopped!

There were 23 children in the home it was mixed some were girls all suffered some sort of abuse.

But four of us were abandoned no family what's so ever three boys and a girl, the girl was sexually abused many times by the priests and the nuns as were the two of the boys, I must have been sexually abused at some point but it must be a very surpresed memory if I was

I know the girl killed herself in her teens, and one of boys also died of an overdose.

The other boy is alive and well happily married with children and we stay in contact and I stay at his home when I vist the uk it's very emotional every time we meet.

Did the police know what was going on? Yeah sure they did they must have I wasn't the only one to talk, did the Authorities know? They definitely had an idea things were not right. Did some of the visitors know? I can't believe they didn't suspect!

But guess what these are Nuns and Priests people of God they are on this earth to give love and care.

Fortunately a lot of these places have been investigated and those still living have gone to jail, which to me is not enough.

It has taken a lot out of me writing this, bit does help even if everyone is just in cyberspace.

Need a whiskey now ffs.

"

Both of your stories have made my heart bleed for you and I hope that you have found or will find closure for your pasts one day. Virtual hugs to you both.

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By *eviant KnightMan
over a year ago

Norton

It's tough to help people sometimes because your on the outside looking in to a relationship. A friend of mine was in a mentally abusive relationship, her partner constantly belittling her, and blaming her for his anger and his breakdowns, even telling her he wished she died in a car accident. He regularly said he would kill himself if they broke up. She was brave and got out of it for a few months but he somehow managed to convince her that she had been as bad as him and should get back together and that he had changed but went straight back to how he was before. I tried to help and let her know what he was doing was mental abuse but I was just told not to judge their relationship. Its tough to see her go through it all over again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Abuse...mine went unnoticed throughout my childhood into teens..violent abuse at home was bad enough but then it drove me to spend my time out of the house alone where I was picked up by other types of offender because they knew I had nowhere to run to...not back then...3 years ago flashbacks started and nearly destroyed me but here I am..I got through it...so I can assure ya it not only goes unnoticed but sometimes when recognised it is ignored..

I truly feel you pain I really do. The flash backs and nightmares never leave.

I have told my story on here before, but it gets easier now so I will do it again and hopefully our story's will help others to find hope.

I too was violently abused from as far back as I can remember, I was an Orphan, an abandoned baby, grow up in an Orphanage run by Nuns (The Sisters of the Nazarene) the treatment they give out was nothing more than sadistic torture, before I was 9yrs old I dad suffered two broken ribs, the bone calluses still stick out to this day the breaks were that bad, I have burn scars, also scars from being whipped and caned so hard the skin would split open. They treated the ones without any family or relatives, much worse than the others who had relatives there was nobody to ask awkward questions that way.

I ran away numerous times always being taken back by the Police, they would ask about the scars and burns and I would tell them how I got them, they even took me to the Hospital once but the Doctor ignored everything and said I was a fit healthy buy who must get into fights and fall alot, so they still took me back, believing the Nuns that I was clumsy and always fighting and fell on a fire or iron or down the stairs. My punishment for defiance was locked in the celler for the night.

It wasn't an Orphanage to us it was Hell a place of pain, misery and suffering. It all stopped about 6 month's before my 10th birthday, and i was removed from there on my 10th birthday, I now know why it stopped!

There were 23 children in the home it was mixed some were girls all suffered some sort of abuse.

But four of us were abandoned no family what's so ever three boys and a girl, the girl was sexually abused many times by the priests and the nuns as were the two of the boys, I must have been sexually abused at some point but it must be a very surpresed memory if I was

I know the girl killed herself in her teens, and one of boys also died of an overdose.

The other boy is alive and well happily married with children and we stay in contact and I stay at his home when I vist the uk it's very emotional every time we meet.

Did the police know what was going on? Yeah sure they did they must have I wasn't the only one to talk, did the Authorities know? They definitely had an idea things were not right. Did some of the visitors know? I can't believe they didn't suspect!

But guess what these are Nuns and Priests people of God they are on this earth to give love and care.

Fortunately a lot of these places have been investigated and those still living have gone to jail, which to me is not enough.

It has taken a lot out of me writing this, bit does help even if everyone is just in cyberspace.

Need a whiskey now ffs.

Yeah scotch does help...I find I can quietly process the chap without huge reactions cos the major stuff, I hope, is out so don't think it can get worse..he says crossing fingers...I learned quickly that the tears are mine, they belong to me and other people's opinions aren't the of consequence.....best wishes from the heart and soul to all those with similar backgrounds..my crazy have resulted in borderline personality and ptsd but my military training taught me to get thru it without drugs and therapists... the therapists just increased the traumatickets effects...the only thing a psychiatrist needs is a psychiatrist...quote by Marianne Faithful

"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There was a guy in chat room today telling me and other ladies to go kill ourselves cause we are fat and ugly

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There was a guy in chat room today telling me and other ladies to go kill ourselves cause we are fat and ugly"

Knob

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There was a guy in chat room today telling me and other ladies to go kill ourselves cause we are fat and ugly

Knob"

To put it nicely I sat copy and pasting to report box

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes. An adult nephew of a friend has learning difficulties and is often taken advantage of. He thinks these people are his friends so yes it's sometimes up to others to "step in".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People need to share the love

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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury


"There was a guy in chat room today telling me and other ladies to go kill ourselves cause we are fat and ugly

Knob

To put it nicely I sat copy and pasting to report box "

I glad you reported it.

That's an awful thing to have had said to you.

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38


"There was a guy in chat room today telling me and other ladies to go kill ourselves cause we are fat and ugly"

wtf is wrong with some people. What a thoroughly nasty man...

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38


"People need to share the love"

It is good to share the love x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"People need to share the love"

People need to share the pain.

As a guy stuck for years suffering emotional abuse, the hardest thing of all is to talk about it.

For a guy possibly even harder, as guys are supposed to be stronger.

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38


"People need to share the love

People need to share the pain.

As a guy stuck for years suffering emotional abuse, the hardest thing of all is to talk about it.

For a guy possibly even harder, as guys are supposed to be stronger."

people do also need to share the pain..it's good to talk.It's good just too be heard sometimes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"People need to share the love

People need to share the pain.

As a guy stuck for years suffering emotional abuse, the hardest thing of all is to talk about it.

For a guy possibly even harder, as guys are supposed to be stronger."

And I’m glad that ridiculous idea of guys being stronger over things like that is slowly fading away. I know someone who’s wife physically and mentally abused him, it was absolutely awful hearing it all and what he was going through. He stayed for the children and put up with it. There’s so much of this goes on and people don’t realise because men don’t speak up about it. Thank goodness they are starting to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"People need to share the love

People need to share the pain.

As a guy stuck for years suffering emotional abuse, the hardest thing of all is to talk about it.

For a guy possibly even harder, as guys are supposed to be stronger.

And I’m glad that ridiculous idea of guys being stronger over things like that is slowly fading away. I know someone who’s wife physically and mentally abused him, it was absolutely awful hearing it all and what he was going through. He stayed for the children and put up with it. There’s so much of this goes on and people don’t realise because men don’t speak up about it. Thank goodness they are starting to. "

Very well said...alas abuse can work both ways

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The thing is it’s still abuse, when you are on the receiving end you are so far into it being normal behaviour that you don’t recognise it. The abusers are very crafty, they start with little things, like oh you don’t need to wear makeup/ do your hair I like you as you are, then they move onto other things, pick apart everything that makes you yourself. Then they isolate you as well. I suffered 22 years of it, I thought I was protecting my children from it but it’s also left them with issues. Many of my friends and family could see what was happening but I thought it was love. So yes sometimes outside help can be good but lots of times it’s finding the strength to walk away from the abuse x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Abuse comes in many shapes and forms and is not a lighthearted subject.

People who are being abused don't always know that's what's happening to them.

People perceive things as abuse when not and not see when it is.

Physical abuse can leave signs however mental doesn't always leave signs.

"

with respect, I agree with most, but not line 3.

If it feels like abuse, it is.

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

[Removed by poster at 18/09/19 21:12:56]

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

Why do you ask the question OP?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can see it in some relationships, and also self abuse where their kinks are driving them to a mentally dark place

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Abuse...mine went unnoticed throughout my childhood into teens..violent abuse at home was bad enough but then it drove me to spend my time out of the house alone where I was picked up by other types of offender because they knew I had nowhere to run to...not back then...3 years ago flashbacks started and nearly destroyed me but here I am..I got through it...so I can assure ya it not only goes unnoticed but sometimes when recognised it is ignored..

I truly feel you pain I really do. The flash backs and nightmares never leave.

I have told my story on here before, but it gets easier now so I will do it again and hopefully our story's will help others to find hope.

I too was violently abused from as far back as I can remember, I was an Orphan, an abandoned baby, grow up in an Orphanage run by Nuns (The Sisters of the Nazarene) the treatment they give out was nothing more than sadistic torture, before I was 9yrs old I dad suffered two broken ribs, the bone calluses still stick out to this day the breaks were that bad, I have burn scars, also scars from being whipped and caned so hard the skin would split open. They treated the ones without any family or relatives, much worse than the others who had relatives there was nobody to ask awkward questions that way.

I ran away numerous times always being taken back by the Police, they would ask about the scars and burns and I would tell them how I got them, they even took me to the Hospital once but the Doctor ignored everything and said I was a fit healthy buy who must get into fights and fall alot, so they still took me back, believing the Nuns that I was clumsy and always fighting and fell on a fire or iron or down the stairs. My punishment for defiance was locked in the celler for the night.

It wasn't an Orphanage to us it was Hell a place of pain, misery and suffering. It all stopped about 6 month's before my 10th birthday, and i was removed from there on my 10th birthday, I now know why it stopped!

There were 23 children in the home it was mixed some were girls all suffered some sort of abuse.

But four of us were abandoned no family what's so ever three boys and a girl, the girl was sexually abused many times by the priests and the nuns as were the two of the boys, I must have been sexually abused at some point but it must be a very surpresed memory if I was

I know the girl killed herself in her teens, and one of boys also died of an overdose.

The other boy is alive and well happily married with children and we stay in contact and I stay at his home when I vist the uk it's very emotional every time we meet.

Did the police know what was going on? Yeah sure they did they must have I wasn't the only one to talk, did the Authorities know? They definitely had an idea things were not right. Did some of the visitors know? I can't believe they didn't suspect!

But guess what these are Nuns and Priests people of God they are on this earth to give love and care.

Fortunately a lot of these places have been investigated and those still living have gone to jail, which to me is not enough.

It has taken a lot out of me writing this, bit does help even if everyone is just in cyberspace.

Need a whiskey now ffs.

Both of your stories have made my heart bleed for you and I hope that you have found or will find closure for your pasts one day. Virtual hugs to you both."

I found peace and learned a lot about myself, my problems and how to deal with them by forcing isolation living where I feel safest and at peace..amidst nature..lived in the woods and found a peace and actually my major breakdown was a breakthrough...I found the real me buried beneath my mind blocks...I'm happy now and have a wonderful partner that understands me......hugs back to you and thank you xx

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By *Ryan-Man
over a year ago

In Your Bush

Sometimes. Right or wrong, someone will always take offence on someone else’s behalf

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By *essie.Woman
over a year ago

Serendipity

Some people would not see abuse is happening to them. Sometimes others need to notice, otherwise they will be taken advantage of. Domestic abuse for example, the victim won’t always be the first to realise what’s happening. Safeguarding exists for a reason.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have a friend who it happened to, she now relives the experience by acting it out. I’m not sure what to make of it as it can’t be healthy getting battered and beaten then play r@ped once a week-

Then proudly displaying bruises, split lips and black eyes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"People need to share the love

People need to share the pain.

As a guy stuck for years suffering emotional abuse, the hardest thing of all is to talk about it.

For a guy possibly even harder, as guys are supposed to be stronger.

people do also need to share the pain..it's good to talk.It's good just too be heard sometimes."

Thank you...seriously, just thank you x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Abuse...mine went unnoticed throughout my childhood into teens..violent abuse at home was bad enough but then it drove me to spend my time out of the house alone where I was picked up by other types of offender because they knew I had nowhere to run to...not back then...3 years ago flashbacks started and nearly destroyed me but here I am..I got through it...so I can assure ya it not only goes unnoticed but sometimes when recognised it is ignored..

I truly feel you pain I really do. The flash backs and nightmares never leave.

I have told my story on here before, but it gets easier now so I will do it again and hopefully our story's will help others to find hope.

I too was violently abused from as far back as I can remember, I was an Orphan, an abandoned baby, grow up in an Orphanage run by Nuns (The Sisters of the Nazarene) the treatment they give out was nothing more than sadistic torture, before I was 9yrs old I dad suffered two broken ribs, the bone calluses still stick out to this day the breaks were that bad, I have burn scars, also scars from being whipped and caned so hard the skin would split open. They treated the ones without any family or relatives, much worse than the others who had relatives there was nobody to ask awkward questions that way.

I ran away numerous times always being taken back by the Police, they would ask about the scars and burns and I would tell them how I got them, they even took me to the Hospital once but the Doctor ignored everything and said I was a fit healthy buy who must get into fights and fall alot, so they still took me back, believing the Nuns that I was clumsy and always fighting and fell on a fire or iron or down the stairs. My punishment for defiance was locked in the celler for the night.

It wasn't an Orphanage to us it was Hell a place of pain, misery and suffering. It all stopped about 6 month's before my 10th birthday, and i was removed from there on my 10th birthday, I now know why it stopped!

There were 23 children in the home it was mixed some were girls all suffered some sort of abuse.

But four of us were abandoned no family what's so ever three boys and a girl, the girl was sexually abused many times by the priests and the nuns as were the two of the boys, I must have been sexually abused at some point but it must be a very surpresed memory if I was

I know the girl killed herself in her teens, and one of boys also died of an overdose.

The other boy is alive and well happily married with children and we stay in contact and I stay at his home when I vist the uk it's very emotional every time we meet.

Did the police know what was going on? Yeah sure they did they must have I wasn't the only one to talk, did the Authorities know? They definitely had an idea things were not right. Did some of the visitors know? I can't believe they didn't suspect!

But guess what these are Nuns and Priests people of God they are on this earth to give love and care.

Fortunately a lot of these places have been investigated and those still living have gone to jail, which to me is not enough.

It has taken a lot out of me writing this, bit does help even if everyone is just in cyberspace.

Need a whiskey now ffs.

"

I find writing my crap a good healer. I write a lot of it as poetry..OK it's raw and often hard hitting but it clears the decks to some extent..some of it does rage at the world but we do don t we..I found it was easier to write than talk because I found the large majority of my friends ran for cover when the tears started etc..do you listen to music? This is gonna sound pissed to average guy but music saved my ass..always loved it but when I feel an episode building or once I ve got thru flashback I whack the volume up til the windows shake..this replaced a sharp knife in that the brain can take focus on anything..it disorientated. ..but then I danced in the rain..then I just danced..then I went to dance classes and then I learned contemporary or expressive dance...music and dance saved my ass because that dance floor.that dance is a world where I can express what is happening and yeah I have danced my flashbacks thru...it worked for me...worth a try? Take care and stay strong

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

Abuse comes in many shapes and forms and is not a lighthearted subject.

People who are being abused don't always know that's what's happening to them.

People perceive things as abuse when not and not see when it is.

Physical abuse can leave signs however mental doesn't always leave signs.

That's so true and mental can be worse. It can leave someone feeling so low and unworthy. Physical while horrific is just pain and the pain lessens as you heal even broken bones heal. Mental can take a lot longer to recover from but it's the one people tend to think is the lesser evil at a times but can do the most damage.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The thing is it’s still abuse, when you are on the receiving end you are so far into it being normal behaviour that you don’t recognise it. The abusers are very crafty, they start with little things, like oh you don’t need to wear makeup/ do your hair I like you as you are, then they move onto other things, pick apart everything that makes you yourself. Then they isolate you as well. I suffered 22 years of it, I thought I was protecting my children from it but it’s also left them with issues. Many of my friends and family could see what was happening but I thought it was love. So yes sometimes outside help can be good but lots of times it’s finding the strength to walk away from the abuse x "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It can go unnoticed by the victim because of conditioning and grooming. When children are harmed they don’t realise it, same goes for adults who’ve been conditioned into believing it is acceptable, their fault or normal.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have a friend who it happened to, she now relives the experience by acting it out. I’m not sure what to make of it as it can’t be healthy getting battered and beaten then play r@ped once a week-

Then proudly displaying bruises, split lips and black eyes"

For some it’s empowering to choose it as it became a normal thing for so long. By choosing it, they retain control, which they didn’t originally have. It’s not for me but whatever empowers someone to heal in whatever way they can is alright by me. -Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have a friend who it happened to, she now relives the experience by acting it out. I’m not sure what to make of it as it can’t be healthy getting battered and beaten then play r@ped once a week-

Then proudly displaying bruises, split lips and black eyes

For some it’s empowering to choose it as it became a normal thing for so long. By choosing it, they retain control, which they didn’t originally have. It’s not for me but whatever empowers someone to heal in whatever way they can is alright by me. -Mrs "

True but should an alcoholic work in a pub? Surely fix the foundations first?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have a friend who it happened to, she now relives the experience by acting it out. I’m not sure what to make of it as it can’t be healthy getting battered and beaten then play r@ped once a week-

Then proudly displaying bruises, split lips and black eyes

For some it’s empowering to choose it as it became a normal thing for so long. By choosing it, they retain control, which they didn’t originally have. It’s not for me but whatever empowers someone to heal in whatever way they can is alright by me. -Mrs "

This isn't a route to healing

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