FabSwingers.com forum: The Fab Safari

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Jump on the mini bus, we're going on the fab safari.

Quietly now as we approach the fresh faced newbie female. She's been on the site for 3 minutes, has no pics or profile yet still she is bombarded with mail.

Hoardes of ravenous men descend upon her. Some females are spooked and leave, others build defenses and settle in for the fight.

Who else will we see on our safari?

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By *rwhowhatwherewhyMan
over a year ago

Aylesbury

Lots of desperate men trying to pork anything that moves.

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By *moothdickMan
over a year ago

stoke

I’m not desperate, but can I sit next to her in the open topped zebra striped jeep

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I’m not desperate, but can I sit next to her in the open topped zebra striped jeep

We don't let the animals in the car

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

Quick! Over there on the left! - I’ve just spotted an ever elusive and apparently ultra rare ‘Unicorn’!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lots of rhino's(well people with horn anyway)

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By *dam1971Man
over a year ago

Bedford

Look over there!

It’s the bloke who’s surrounded himself in cock pictures. You’ll notice he doesn’t interact with people and actually expects his prey to come willingly to him.

He’ll die soon of course but due to the species introduction program we have, there will be others just like him along soon

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

Is that the Sky Remote/Lynx can enclosure over there?

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

It's the woman who has worked out how to use the site.

Her hide is bulletproof. Isn't nature amazing?

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By *good-being-badMan
over a year ago

mis-types and auto corrects leads cock leeds

I'm sure there'll be some white knights on chargers coming along to save the nervous newbie asap

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Il just sleep in my tree looking down on the feeding frenzy throwing the odd handful of shit hoping it sticks

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By *imply_SensualMan
over a year ago

warrington

Next is the herd of UNLOS's, joined the site but didnt manage to get a shag arranged within the first half hour. Disappointed in their quest, they retreat and try again in a day or two

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm sure I just saw a preening peacock and pea hen. Contrary to their own opinion that they are utterly desirable and everyone is interested in everything they do, in reality the other animals just think they make a racket.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Here we see the "fab straight" troop. They skulk around the site sending messages to anyone with a pulse, their profile may say straight but they're willing to suck a bit of cock if it means getting theirs done too. They get especially excited around bisexual couples.

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By *imply_SensualMan
over a year ago

warrington

"Here we see the "fab straight" troop. They skulk around the site sending messages to anyone with a pulse, their profile may say straight but they're willing to suck a bit of cock if it means getting theirs done too. They get especially excited around bisexual couples. "

But beware, if you are male and you fab one of their pics, they start shouting

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

We also observe the impregnators. Strangely, what we never seem to see is any progeny. Nature is mysterious.

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By *dam1971Man
over a year ago

Bedford

"We also observe the impregnators. Strangely, what we never seem to see is any progeny. Nature is mysterious. "

And thankfully wise

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"We also observe the impregnators. Strangely, what we never seem to see is any progeny. Nature is mysterious.

And thankfully wise

Oh that it is.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

The vultures are circling above us, just waiting for someone to say they like a certain practice before swooping into their inbox and suggesting they partake together. Pegging is a particular favourite for them.

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By *ummer breeze300Woman
over a year ago

Caerphilly

Look to the right an actual single male who really can accommodate

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

We're told that there are women with kinky habits and who look at profiles, but they're rarely spotted. They're closely related to chameleons.

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

The safari park has thoughtfully provided plenty of toilets so males can photograph their cock whilst sitting down.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh look its peeping tom your climbing the wrong tree tommy

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"The safari park has thoughtfully provided plenty of toilets so males can photograph their cock whilst sitting down. "

In said toilets there are an assortment of remotes and deodorant cans, as well as Fab Standard rulers.

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By *olgateMan
over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

I spy with my little eye

A cougar on the prowl

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The safari park has thoughtfully provided plenty of toilets so males can photograph their cock whilst sitting down.

In said toilets there are an assortment of remotes and deodorant cans, as well as Fab Standard rulers. "

And a bunch of people pretending to be toilets.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"The safari park has thoughtfully provided plenty of toilets so males can photograph their cock whilst sitting down.

In said toilets there are an assortment of remotes and deodorant cans, as well as Fab Standard rulers.

And a bunch of people pretending to be toilets. "

That's not part of the tour, look away, nothing to see here...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And here it is if your very very quiet you can see the nornus Cricetomys also known as noras rat normally found in southern areas it likes to hide in ladys underwear until it sees the correct drain pipe to naw on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is that a shepherd and his flock on a safari!???

Oh wait......... no, it’s Chillout!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Look over there, there’s a rare Todger

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By *ustme34Man
over a year ago

Bradford

Over there theres a vacuum cleaner about to be pounced on by a man .... too late the vacuum didnt get away

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ah over here we see the wolf in sheep's clothing aka the single male pretending to be a female in an attempt to trick a female mate into sending tit pics.

This animal is hard to catch on camera so most images are blurry and look like theyve been taken with a spoon or look like they have straight off boohoo dot com.

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By *YC SausageMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

Don’t look now but right behind us are the common spotted serial messagers.

They can be seen communicating with us without reading profiles.

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

"I spy with my little eye

A cougar on the prowl "

now you see me ...now you don't

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Sectioned off in a quiet part of the park we come across (not literally!!) the herd of openly bisexual males.

Contrary to common belief they are neither disease ridden vermin or unable to keep their hands to themselves - despite their reputation they're actually regularly admired and encouraged to play together and with some of the parks visitors.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Sectioned off in a quiet part of the park we come across (not literally!!) the herd of openly bisexual males.

Much beloved by some of us.

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By *YC SausageMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

"Sectioned off in a quiet part of the park we come across (not literally!!) the herd of openly bisexual males.

We can also see their closely related cousins, the “fab straight” males.

They have a distinct sound telling each other that they’re straight but then can be seen mating with other males

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

And now we move into a much darker and dangerous part of the park where a sharp nerve is required and you need to keep your hands inside the carriage at all times - and be warned you do NOT have to listen or act as instructed by any of the inmates - yes we're heading into the territory marked by discarded copies of Fifty Shades Of Grey and echoing to the sounds of a certain porn genre - inhabited by that most dangerous of creatures the wannabe Dom - they prowl and bark orders expecting to be instantly obeyed yet are usually ignored but every now and then an unsuspecting submissive is taken in by their cries of "You're only a true sub if..." and that is when the danger truly begins

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"And now we move into a much darker and dangerous part of the park where a sharp nerve is required and you need to keep your hands inside the carriage at all times - and be warned you do NOT have to listen or act as instructed by any of the inmates - yes we're heading into the territory marked by discarded copies of Fifty Shades Of Grey and echoing to the sounds of a certain porn genre - inhabited by that most dangerous of creatures the wannabe Dom - they prowl and bark orders expecting to be instantly obeyed yet are usually ignored but every now and then an unsuspecting submissive is taken in by their cries of "You're only a true sub if..." and that is when the danger truly begins"

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

See over there, at the horizon, that shadowy place? You must never go there, Simba.

That's the deepest recesses of a woman's inbox, the stuff that can't be spoken about openly. It's a space of deepest perversion in a not fun way, deeply twisted and even worse than that.

Best to move swiftly on...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

Don’t step out of the vehicle and into the grass, as no matter how pretty it seems, the snakes lay in wait

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

And now we come to the area of the park affectionately known to staff as Miggsville - where the only sound you hear is that of men furiously wanking one handed while typing crude messages that will never be read with their free hand

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

. Funny thread. Almost as funny as the hoover one.

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By *moothdickMan
over a year ago

stoke

As we push our way through the bush and undergrowth.. what’s is it we discover? A dry riverbed or a flowing stream of wetness that we have all been after ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Don’t step out of the vehicle and into the grass, as no matter how pretty it seems, the snakes lay in wait "
im not waiting for you that spot your in can you kindly move your arse its reserved

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

As we move swiftly on we are greeted by the sound of splashing water but discard any images of waterfalls and fountains from your mind dear visitor, as the sea of lamp posts hove into view and behold the loved up creatures relieving themselves against them - worry not though their tenure in this part of the park is often a short one until they are released back into the plains when their stream of piss runs dry.

Although some do return to the area numerous times when they find a new lamp post to relieve themselves against.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The elusive sloth emerges from the bush. She just lays on her back and is happy for the male to do all the work.

Bareback optional.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As we move swiftly on we are greeted by the sound of splashing water but discard any images of waterfalls and fountains from your mind dear visitor, as the sea of lamp posts hove into view and behold the loved up creatures relieving themselves against them - worry not though their tenure in this part of the park is often a short one until they are released back into the plains when their stream of piss runs dry.

Although some do return to the area numerous times when they find a new lamp post to relieve themselves against."
its not pissing just showing admiration for a goddess

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Quick! There's a cambunny! She's showing just enough of herself to rile the males. Usually found in the chat rooms she is rejected by the regulars and finds herself being bombarded with requests from men to watch them wanking.

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

"Don’t step out of the vehicle and into the grass, as no matter how pretty it seems, the snakes lay in wait im not waiting for you that spot your in can you kindly move your arse its reserved

I haven’t left the vehicle I heed the warning signs .... surely your not a snake in the grass

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Don’t step out of the vehicle and into the grass, as no matter how pretty it seems, the snakes lay in wait im not waiting for you that spot your in can you kindly move your arse its reserved

I haven’t left the vehicle I heed the warning signs .... surely your not a snake in the grass

"
blake the snake baby

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

"Don’t step out of the vehicle and into the grass, as no matter how pretty it seems, the snakes lay in wait im not waiting for you that spot your in can you kindly move your arse its reserved

I haven’t left the vehicle I heed the warning signs .... surely your not a snake in the grass

blake the snake baby

Ah but a friendly snake, not the sort that lurks in the grass

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Don’t step out of the vehicle and into the grass, as no matter how pretty it seems, the snakes lay in wait im not waiting for you that spot your in can you kindly move your arse its reserved

I haven’t left the vehicle I heed the warning signs .... surely your not a snake in the grass

blake the snake baby

Ah but a friendly snake, not the sort that lurks in the grass

"
dunno im in halifax so plenty fields about

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thanks guys one of the funniest reads ever

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By *imply_SensualMan
over a year ago

warrington

More running water to the right hand side, but this time, a solitary female squirting, a handful of women watching in awe.... but ready to pounce are 10,000 men offering every woman a guarantee to similarly make them squirt....

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Ssshhhh.... We're now approaching the Woeisme. We have to tread carefully, these beasts are very sensitive.

It's easy to draw them out though, we'll just start a thread about mailing someone you fancy and they'll pop up saying they are in but no one will mail them.

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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

And here, to the left is the communal abolition area. It is highly recommended that extreme sanitary procedures are undertaken. Handwashing, possibly full hazmat.

Do not under any circumstances look in any bowls, and beware the dead jellyfish littering the floors and walls.

Infra red sensors on all taps and handwashing stations have been provided for your convenience.

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By *YC SausageMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

On the horizon is the forum lurkers. Pretending that they know what’s going on but haven’t got a clue really. They only speak when spoken to but believe that they are part of every conversation.

If you look really closely, you will see the leaders, they like to start conversations and see who follows (usually the lurkers).

And then there’s the third group. We don’t have a name for them. They speak everywhere and hope someone takes notice of what they’re saying, and you can see they get disappointed when their words go unnoticed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Approach the pseudo intellectual making as much noise as you can as attention is what they desire, watch on in wonder as they post essays of teenage level philosophy and existentialism, gasp in awe as you actually read their post and see its the same faf shit as everyone else but 1000% more pretentious

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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Over in this dark corner we have the scared bunnies. Inquisitive by nature but mute.

Most likely to view your profile multiple times, and the bravest may send an unsolicited friend request.

Interaction is difficult, any attempt to initiate contact results in immediate UNLOS or blocking.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

We now move onto a specially created area of the park it's reserved for our flock of Begafabs - they prance and preen and somehow beguile many of those that set eyes on them, despite their often deceptive looks and heavy use of filters and other such tools - their location can change in the blink of an eye and their status is updated every 5 minutes usually with the words "fab my latest pic" included somewhere.

The more savvy of this bunch are to be found regularly inhabiting the top of the dubiously titled "Hot Pics" despite far better specimens of similar but not so needy members being available elsewhere.

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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Over in the cage to the right, we have the mixed messages..

Profiles make no sense, they generally tock every option ut have no idea that to swap you need a partner first.

Generally have at least 4 references to no gay/TV meets. But have several veris from TV/gloryhole..

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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Welcome to the squireller enclosure.. they all have an unknowing partner in the shadows squirreled away at home.

To track them look for the following trails.

Cannot accommodate.

Improbable reason for not being able to accommodate.

A statement saying hey cant supply a face pic for "security/job" reasons.

Frequent hidden profile, especially at weekends.

Unwillingness to contact outside of sight, or contact limited to certain times (evidence of separate phone)

If a meet does happen, then an unwillingness to pay for anything on card.

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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

"Welcome to the squireller enclosure.. they all have an unknowing partner in the shadows squirreled away at home.

To track them look for the following trails.

Cannot accommodate.

Improbable reason for not being able to accommodate.

A statement saying they cant supply a face pic for "security/job" reasons.

Frequent hidden profile, especially at weekends.

Unwillingness to contact outside of site, or contact limited to certain times (evidence of separate phone)

If a meet does happen, then an unwillingness to pay for anything on card.

Fixed

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By *lfacatMan
over a year ago

Cumbria

And in the dark caves over to our right we can just make out packs of man like zombie creatures (dressed only in grubby white towels) with large eyes, they appear harmless but woe betide any one you wanders into their reach!

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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Welcome to the walking wanker enclosure, note the uniform small towels tied at the waist, open at the front for easy access.

Easily baited by any female or couple at any club up and down he country. They move singularly or in packs. Can be very forward and grabby.

Easily frustrated by magic "couples only" areas or locked doors. Pointing and laughing also works.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

*Ghengis waits silently for the safari goers to come visit.. then flings his poo at them*

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

"*Ghengis waits silently for the safari goers to come visit.. then flings his poo at them*"

The cheeky chimp !

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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Stand to lads!

Here, lining the halls we have hundreds, if not thousands of Army ants..

Identically dressed, these young fit specimens get confused when the uniform doesn't cause an immediate outbreak of naked ladies. Under the impression that a uniform makes them unique, without realising the irony.

Easy to spot by their usernames even when they hide pics. Examples are Smith1234, Jones5678.Also 2 locations, weekday on base, weekends back home with Mum or Wife. Uncontactable at these times.

Will often pretend to by the higher caste Spec Ops Ant.

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By *ummer breeze300Woman
over a year ago

Caerphilly

Omg I'm weak crying lol xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"*Ghengis waits silently for the safari goers to come visit.. then flings his poo at them*

The cheeky chimp ! "

Grumpy Gorilla

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Stand to lads!

Here, lining the halls we have hundreds, if not thousands of Army ants..

Easy to spot by their usernames even when they hide pics. Examples are Smith1234, Jones5678.Also 2 locations, weekday on base, weekends back home with Mum or Wife. Uncontactable at these times.

Will often pretend to by the higher caste Spec Ops Ant."

The Prentenders are really Water Mitty Termites. No self respecting Army Ant would lie about their role in the colony.

Fucking termites.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Grab a fiver out of your purse and study it .. then see my pic ,,not desperate lol

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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

And here we have the chameleon hunter-Fabber.

Doesn't take kindly to rejection, has a ninja like ability to have multiple identities on the go at any one time, keeping eyes on their target.

Total dedication is the key, and is able to hunt and track not only their prey, but any associates of their prey, and their associates to 4 degrees. Masters of misinformation they would make excellent politicians.. always ahead of the game, dropping false trails and clues amongst the fab population.

True guerilla tactics winning hearts and minds, so their prey ends up totally confused and isolated.

Master shinobi, approach with caution.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"And here we have the chameleon hunter-Fabber.

Doesn't take kindly to rejection, has a ninja like ability to have multiple identities on the go at any one time, keeping eyes on their target.

True guerilla tactics winning hearts and minds, so their prey ends up totally confused and isolated.

Master shinobi, approach with caution."

Sociopathic

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Up next are the yo-yo fabbers. They UNLOS in the blink of an eye causing a frenzy amongst their fans.

A week or so later they return, often with a new name but the same pictures. They expect to be greeted like a long lost friend but instead are left confused by the influx of new members who have no idea who they are. The few who do remember them often do so for their misdemeanours and ignore them.

Occasionally though a yo yo fabber does break the mould, they are welcomed back into the fold like a soldier returning from war, the other fabbers happy they survived out there in the real world.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Up next are the yo-yo fabbers. They UNLOS in the blink of an eye causing a frenzy amongst their fans.

Occasionally though a yo yo fabber does break the mould, they are welcomed back into the fold like a soldier returning from war, the other fabbers happy they survived out there in the real world. "

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

The next two enclosures contain two similarly named examples of their species both distinctly different and often confused - they're recognisable by the suits of armour adorning their enclosure and the sound of the clip clopping of the hooves of their steeds.

Both are known for standing up for others around the park, they are only distinguishable by their intent - the first enclosure contains those that think championing others is a way into those they are protecting's knickers and will often be seen to rush to the rescue of a damsel for no other reason.

The second enclosure contains those honourable and true examples of the species whose sole intent is to uphold what is right and offer valid and reasoned opinion with no expectation of anything more. These valiant souls are often confused for the first type and face accusations of having ulterior motives from those they stand up against.

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

"Up next are the yo-yo fabbers. They UNLOS in the blink of an eye causing a frenzy amongst their fans.

Occasionally though a yo yo fabber does break the mould, they are welcomed back into the fold like a soldier returning from war, the other fabbers happy they survived out there in the real world. "

That reminds me - I need to turn this profile off for five minutes.

‘Hey everyone - I’m back!!!’

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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

The cold pen to the left is to keep in check the super ego..

For those lucky males who get a veri from a meet with a popular lady, which leads to other meets..

Often found spaffing on the forums decrying how they are inundated with nubile willing ladies, wading through seas of clunge.

Often disappears when put down a peg or 3...

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"Jump on the mini bus, we're going on the fab safari.

Quietly now as we approach the fresh faced newbie female. She's been on the site for 3 minutes, has no pics or profile yet still she is bombarded with mail.

Hoardes of ravenous men descend upon her. Some females are spooked and leave, others build defenses and settle in for the fight.

Who else will we see on our safari? "

Me I'll come dressed as a zebra.

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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Ssshhh.

Approach with caution.. danger ahead. Do not approach the barriers of the highly dangerous

"Self Destructors"

Invariably found post break up, half a bottle of gin/whisky down and making bad decisions in public forums, tailspinnig and lashing out at everyone who isn't immediately "on side". Whoa is me threads very likely..

This is a limited viewing period, like the may fly.. likely to disappear leaving only the husk of a grey silhouette in short order.

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

Beware ladies also of the fearsome, Forum-Lurking-Ambush-Predator.

You won’t see them ever posting here but rest assured, they’re watching you!

The first thing you’ll know of them is when you receive an unsolicited message from one of these sly beasts relating to a topic you will have commented upon on here (possibly even this one.....)

You may well feel inclined to reply out of politeness but be warned - for with the ice now broken, their second message will invariably be of the ‘Fancy a fuck?’ variety.....

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

What's that we hear? It's the one word wonders. Shouting "hi", "fuck?", "sexy" at the object of their affections.

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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

The everlasting gallery on the left is dedicated to those naked mole rat pictures the ladies keep receiving.

Neither a mole or a rat, these ugly floppy flaccid specimens assume that they are the first to be seen and therefore impressive.

Often the subject of derision, screenshots and kik/whatsapp jokes.

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

Oh look... are those picture collectors waiting in the fore to snap you naked in the bushes and then wank over their prize shots

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"The next two enclosures contain two similarly named examples of their species both distinctly different and often confused - they're recognisable by the suits of armour adorning their enclosure and the sound of the clip clopping of the hooves of their steeds.

These are very easy to tell apart unless you don't want to. Like horses and people with coconut shells.

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

"I spy with my little eye

A cougar on the prowl "

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"Lots of desperate men trying to pork anything that moves. "
lol

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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

"Is that a shepherd and his flock on a safari!???

Oh wait......... no, it’s Chillout!

Ffs...cheek!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I remember a few year ago when i took my gran to the bbc enclosure she was soooo exited to see des lynam the look on her face was priceless when she saw the 12inch baseball bats being swung in her direction

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By *manaWoman
over a year ago

Basingstoke

"Oh look... are those picture collectors waiting in the fore to snap you naked in the bushes and then wank over their prize shots"

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

The next is a very shy beast indeed - different members of the species appear regularly but are rarely seen to reappear - they ask things like "What's wrong with my profile?" or "Why can't I get a meet?" or "Why does no-one reply to my messages?" but then don't return to find out the answer or even act on it.

There is a less nervous variety of this slecies who, despite asking for the advice in the first place, return to argue and disagree with any that is offered.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

We need to keep our wits about us, trouble is brewing between the real swingers and the not meeting. Both are fiercely territorial, the real swingers adamant the site should only be accessed by them whilst the not meeting demand the right to lurk and chat and flirt aimlessly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Now this cage ladys and gents houses a very unique animal called the original G known for its beefines but be very careful he could swipe your carkeys and seduce your mates into his cage with his street wise charms

U have been warned

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This safari has a unique selection of beasts...and have the occasional cull of the rodents primarily the neanderthal variety that circle in there hundreds on the unsuspecting newborns...who is going to be today's "big game hunter"???

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

I've put my Safari hat on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Look at this majestic beast, impervious to criticism, unresponsive to requests, totally confident in their position a top of the mountain.

Sshh at the back, you nearly said a no no word, you wanna be kicked off the tour?

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

When the tour is over please do take time to visit our science centre.

Kindly provided by Sydney University, much research happens here.

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By *manaWoman
over a year ago

Basingstoke

"When the tour is over please do take time to visit our science centre.

Kindly provided by Sydney University, much research happens here."

Hahahaha!!!!

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Roaming around you see those who proudly claim to know what soap is. Generally unsuccessful in the art of procreation, and one is left wondering how this species survive as fully functional adults.

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By *hoenixAdAstraWoman
over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows

I spy a mob of woodland meerkats, trying to hide in the bushes.

Waiting for unsuspecting folk to wander by, at which point they'll stalk them whilst playing with their little hairy willys

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Where’s the Stud Muffins

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Where’s the Stud Muffins

Back in the 80's

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

In the distance you'll see those who give out their postcode and phone number in first messages or even in public settings. While genetic links have not yet been found to the kakapo (a bird renowned for its lack of survival skills and mating success), scientists continue to investigate. The similarities are too uncanny.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am sure I spotted a Tame Impala.

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

"I am sure I spotted a Tame Impala."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I am sure I spotted a Tame Impala."

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

"I am sure I spotted a Tame Impala.

send him my way..I'm in Devon for a week

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

So many exotic birds

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I am sure I spotted a Tame Impala.

send him my way..I'm in Devon for a week

Are you

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

"*Ghengis waits silently for the safari goers to come visit.. then flings his poo at them*

The cheeky chimp !

Grumpy Gorilla

Of course how could they have marked up the enclosure so wrong.... Ghengis the Silverback Gorilla (a male chimp, but we don’t tell him..... sssh!)

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

"I am sure I spotted a Tame Impala.

send him my way..I'm in Devon for a week

Are you

yes..I'm in Teignmouth...going home friday

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The next is a very shy beast indeed - different members of the species appear regularly but are rarely seen to reappear - they ask things like "What's wrong with my profile?" or "Why can't I get a meet?" or "Why does no-one reply to my messages?" but then don't return to find out the answer or even act on it.

There is a less nervous variety of this slecies who, despite asking for the advice in the first place, return to argue and disagree with any that is offered."

I’m laughing here

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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago

Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro

"I am sure I spotted a Tame Impala."

Was he walking on three legs

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"*Ghengis waits silently for the safari goers to come visit.. then flings his poo at them*"
lol lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I am sure I spotted a Tame Impala.

send him my way..I'm in Devon for a week

Are you

yes..I'm in Teignmouth...going home friday

I’ve sent you a pm.x

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

"I am sure I spotted a Tame Impala.

send him my way..I'm in Devon for a week

Are you

yes..I'm in Teignmouth...going home friday

I’ve sent you a pm.x"

off to take a look...nice one x

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

The rumbling in the distance can likely be ignored. It's argument about the best and worst clubs. It takes some skill, introspection, and experience to be able to determine any semblance of truth, particularly in larger groups such as those found in Manchester.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And there's a lone male Fabidebeest ... it's travelled one hundred miles on the off chance of a female at the watering hole. Unfortunately ten other males arrived before him. No female so they indulge a weird mutual hand dance with their groins ...

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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

The low rumble you can hear in the distance is the mating call of the van lady's van. Specifically its overworked grumbling rear suspension..

Follow the stampede of shuffling wankers, jeans round their ankles, jostling for prime position.. not to be 27th in line at this particular feeding session.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"The low rumble you can hear in the distance is the mating call of the van lady's van. Specifically its overworked grumbling rear suspension..

Follow the stampede of shuffling wankers, jeans round their ankles, jostling for prime position.. not to be 27th in line at this particular feeding session."

The louder rumble is those fleeing.

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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

And we come to the demanders.. a peculiar breed who, outside of this enclosure would happily smile and flirt with the local carpet salesmen.. once in this particular arena with a captive audience her base level of demands can only be filled by Chris hemsworth in his thor outfit, on a good day..

Can often be found SHOUTING IN CAPS.

6 PACKS

6 FEET PLUS

9INCH COCKS OR BIGGER

REPEATER, HEAVY CUMMERS ONLY!

WONT TRAVEL

HOTEL MEETS ONLY.

Best avoided.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hopped off the Safari bus to cool off but the only place to skinny dip was a stagnant pond full of Catfish shuffling along the river bed looking for their prey. I'm heading back to the bus to find a fishing rod and a knife to catch them one by one and gut them, starting at their anus and finishing by chopping their heads off.

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

To the left there's the masterdoms enclosure, he is generally looking for a harem of unicorns, but will have absolutely no luck due to his lack of knowledge, he is generally just a boring bedroom bully. Unicorns will always be advised to trot off very rapidly in the opposite direction when he starts bleating or braying on the forums.

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

Of course there’s always a Leopard lurking... never changes its spots, is somewhat argumentative when you point that out. They become tetchy and gnarly when you decline to rub your fur with theirs

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

And here we have the meerkats, bobbing up and down in the sand dunes in the beach area of the park. Easily spotted but very shy when approached, scuttling off to hide further back in the safety of the dunes. The bolder ones may be seen actually walking on the beach close to couples and females making weird hand to groin mating motions and can also be looking for lost phones or keys or even needing directions to somewhere if they are feeling brave enough to have some form of verbal exchange with a woman or couple.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

As we turn the corner we come to a collection of single occupant enclosures - these beasts cannot be kept together as the chest beating and claims of prowess and ability to bang all night repeating while making any female they come into contact scream with pleasure would result in fights to the death if they came into contact with each other...

...yes ladies and gentlemen we have the Faux Alphas

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"As we turn the corner we come to a collection of single occupant enclosures - these beasts cannot be kept together as the chest beating and claims of prowess and ability to bang all night repeating while making any female they come into contact scream with pleasure would result in fights to the death if they came into contact with each other...

...yes ladies and gentlemen we have the Faux Alphas

Interesting to observe from a distance.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oooohhhh look!! A white towel wanking wizard! Looks like he’s entering the lions cave not the glory hole room!

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

The Faux Alphas promenade along Brighton seafront with plumage in full peacock style. Alas! It’s only the mating summer season, once that’s dropped it’s all grey.

One has to travel west for the best.....

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

And next we come to a most curious and yet wondrous park inhabitant and a unique one off to boot - distinguished by mad cap comments, the occasional rap battle and the dishing out of bonkers advice in hilarious fashion - known for their heart of gold and empathetic nature we come of course to the Princess Peach of the Exquisite Deviance tribe - no visit to the safari would be complete without witnessing her in action.

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By *aven RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

Reading this has made me laugh so much x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The Faux Alphas promenade along Brighton seafront with plumage in full peacock style. Alas! It’s only the mating summer season, once that’s dropped it’s all grey.

One has to travel west for the best....."

*Ghengis the gorilla jumps in the parade and flings his poo at all the peacocks! Pinches their plumage and makes a peacock crown.. then flings his poo at the crowd*

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

A quiet but happy bunch these next ones - a healthy mix of men, women, couples and TV/TS's who have the park worked out and know how to use it to the full - they come and go as they please meeting with each other in all sorts of gatherings - they rarely moan (except in the right way!!), they accept that they will be liked by some and not by others and are a prized exhibit that are actually the largest to reside at the park but because they go about their park life with little fuss or noise often go unnoticed but you really should take them in visitor as they are a joy to behold

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"The Faux Alphas promenade along Brighton seafront with plumage in full peacock style. Alas! It’s only the mating summer season, once that’s dropped it’s all grey.

One has to travel west for the best.....

*Ghengis the gorilla jumps in the parade and flings his poo at all the peacocks! Pinches their plumage and makes a peacock crown.. then flings his poo at the crowd*"

That Genghis the gorilla is obsessed with flinging poop ain't he?

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

I can imagine Genghis the gorilla flinging his poo at the crowd and farting at them he's wild

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I can imagine Genghis the gorilla flinging his poo at the crowd and farting at them he's wild

Prof. Timothy Fielding: I’m sorry, I’m sorry! Can I put this into some sort of perspective? When I caught Genghis in ’68 he was completely wild.

Genghis, the Gorilla: Wild? I was absolutely livid!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As the night draws in, the nocturnal hedgehog makes their appearance by prickly demanding that they will only meet people 8 inches plus, while they don't offer much themselves.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The Faux Alphas promenade along Brighton seafront with plumage in full peacock style. Alas! It’s only the mating summer season, once that’s dropped it’s all grey.

One has to travel west for the best.....

*Ghengis the gorilla jumps in the parade and flings his poo at all the peacocks! Pinches their plumage and makes a peacock crown.. then flings his poo at the crowd*

That Genghis the gorilla is obsessed with flinging poop ain't he?"

It's an ape thing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I am sure I spotted a Tame Impala.

Was he walking on three legs

Last seen slung over the shoulder of an amazonian goddess. Probably after his horn.

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"I am sure I spotted a Tame Impala.

Was he walking on three legs

Last seen slung over the shoulder of an amazonian goddess. Probably after his horn."

Wasn't me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I am sure I spotted a Tame Impala.

Was he walking on three legs

Last seen slung over the shoulder of an amazonian goddess. Probably after his horn.

Wasn't me

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By *izzymonkeyMan
over a year ago

Hiding In A Bush

If you look at the back of the cage, way behind Genghis the Great Gorrilla.....

You will see a ravenous pack of followers who obey his every command and would rip anything long from limb....known only as the mythical Mongol Horde.....beware of them, they can be evil, never annoy or tease them....

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"If you look at the back of the cage, way behind Genghis the Great Gorrilla.....

"
I'll feed them bread

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Coming up shorting is the fab safari ice cream parlour, why not go and have yourselves a good old fashioned bit of Vanilla

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Coming up shorting is the fab safari ice cream parlour, why not go and have yourselves a good old fashioned bit of Vanilla

Because there's a mob in there decrying anything vanilla.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Coming up shorting is the fab safari ice cream parlour, why not go and have yourselves a good old fashioned bit of Vanilla

Because there's a mob in there decrying anything vanilla. "

They can have sprinkles and sauce on it

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Coming up shorting is the fab safari ice cream parlour, why not go and have yourselves a good old fashioned bit of Vanilla

Because there's a mob in there decrying anything vanilla.

They can have sprinkles and sauce on it

Please don't tell me someone's cum on the ice cream again...

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

"Coming up shorting is the fab safari ice cream parlour, why not go and have yourselves a good old fashioned bit of Vanilla

Because there's a mob in there decrying anything vanilla.

They can have sprinkles and sauce on it

Please don't tell me someone's cum on the ice cream again... "

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

"Coming up shorting is the fab safari ice cream parlour, why not go and have yourselves a good old fashioned bit of Vanilla

Because there's a mob in there decrying anything vanilla.

They can have sprinkles and sauce on it

Please don't tell me someone's cum on the ice cream again... "

yum yum yum

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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Can all attendees make sure they keep their hands well inside the transport. The outside has been especially treated to prevent bandwagon jumpers.

Hot? Can only get off by having your left foot in a bear trap, chewing on an adolescent Guinea pig while being punched in the tit and being called Nigel? Have dozens of requests stating that they are all definitely into the same thing or willing to be converted?

Our patented exterior incorporates a PTFE coating (one of the slippiest substances known), a high voltage electric charge. And flamethrowers fir the really persistent ones.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Around 11pm on a Friday, shortly after last orders, the restless tribe of Elephant Balled Chimps start their patrols. Normally found searching for females, they realise their testicles are a trip hazard and need to unload into any willing warm body.

They will start with a casual wink, then escalate to attemped home invasion, uttering monosyllabic phrases in an attempt to lure all prey into relieving the testicular trauma. These individuals normally give up around midnight, returning to their spouses for a pump and squirt.

Best ignored.

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By *urreyloverMan
over a year ago

Guildford

UNLOS??

And here we pass a secluded car park where some cars (not the latest models) appear to have a group of admirers and there is a whiff of something chemical in the air; certainly not phoromones.

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By *ryst In IsoldeWoman
over a year ago

your imagination

"Up next are the yo-yo fabbers. They UNLOS in the blink of an eye causing a frenzy amongst their fans.

Occasionally though a yo yo fabber does break the mould, they are welcomed back into the fold like a soldier returning from war, the other fabbers happy they survived out there in the real world. "

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

"UNLOS??

And here we pass a secluded car park where some cars (not the latest models) appear to have a group of admirers and there is a whiff of something chemical in the air; certainly not phoromones. "

Yes, I believe its a daily occurrence at 4.20. Their scent is carried on the wind to attract other like minded individuals who also partake. There are times when they are too busy with stoning themselves and others to think rationally before messaging unsuspecting people at silly o'clock. But they are happy people.

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By *ryst In IsoldeWoman
over a year ago

your imagination

Please note that we advise anyone embarking on the Sunday morning safari to wear comfortable running shoes, and to move about quietly so as not to attract the attention of the Horny Hangover as they tend to be at their most rampant at this time of week. Should you attract one's attention, flee immediately or they will hump your box regardless of preferences or protestations.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Please take no notice of the putter-downers. They'll make sly digs and invade forum threads with comments like "she's a real woman, only a dog likes bones". Many of them think they are being complimentary until their faux pas is pointed out. They will back pedal and try to deny their insults.

The hard core members of this pack are the ones to be most wary of, they throw insults around willy nilly whilst using the term "banter" to justify it.

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By *ummer breeze300Woman
over a year ago

Caerphilly

So funny they aught to put some of this on stage

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

The mating calls, you will notice, are seasonal. The heat and skimpier clothing makes people horny. School returning means greater opportunity... Or is it summer holidays for other parts of the park? But the same creatures will say that rain and cold are perfect for a bit of lurve.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you look at the back of the cage, way behind Genghis the Great Gorrilla.....

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By *izzymonkeyMan
over a year ago

Hiding In A Bush

"If you look at the back of the cage, way behind Genghis the Great Gorrilla.....

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

Oooh it's past midnight and the nocturnals are out and about in fabland. Their primary targets are females living 100s of miles away that they won't ever be able to meet in person for the mating ritual. They get around this issue very well by requesting this over the phone or via their webcams. Some who live locally are even daring enough to ask to meet in person. This approach is rarely successful, but still they try.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

...yes ladies and gentlemen we have the Faux Alphas

im not that bad

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As you wander around, you may notice the fab police. These lot patrol the forums, waiting for a post that upsets their obviously closed off minds and pohncing on anyone who likes things that they dont

S(m)

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By *elloIntrigueMan
over a year ago

North West UK

In addition to the zombie fabbers we have the VHF's... very hairy fabbers

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

There are always those exhibits at the park you really don't want to see and this next enclosure is where we house ours, so you may want to avert your eyes - this breed are known for their ability to start controversial threads just to garner attention and make ridiculous statements for the very same reason - they will argue, insult and generally do anything they can to stir and cause trouble - yes ladies and gentlemen here we have the trolls....please remember not to feed them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There are always those exhibits at the park you really don't want to see and this next enclosure is where we house ours, so you may want to avert your eyes - this breed are known for their ability to start controversial threads just to garner attention and make ridiculous statements for the very same reason - they will argue, insult and generally do anything they can to stir and cause trouble - yes ladies and gentlemen here we have the trolls....please remember not to feed them."
seems you need a troll slayer

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

And here we have... The early morning 'risers'. Yup, rock hard and ready to go, they come roaring into our inboxes immediately upon waking.

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