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Is there an Old Flame on your mind ?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

A phone in feature topic on the radio here today was about stories of people carrying a torch for or getting in touch with old flames. Some of the accounts were from attachrd people, some from single people. Some made contact and some just found themselves carrying a torch for 'the one that got away'.

So do you still have a place in your heart for a long lost love ?

Have you ever wondered / or actually made contact again ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes, had a brief affair many years ago whilst on a live in course for work. Had 12 years apart without any contact. Both got married and had kids etc in between. I got in touch when my wife left me and her husband had left her two weeks prior. Ended up seeing each other for over 3 years but as she was the girl I had the affair with all those years ago I couldn’t bring myself to go public so she got fed up of being kept secret and ended it. I kick myself every day that I let her go. I should have bloody married her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yes, had a brief affair many years ago whilst on a live in course for work. Had 12 years apart without any contact. Both got married and had kids etc in between. I got in touch when my wife left me and her husband had left her two weeks prior. Ended up seeing each other for over 3 years but as she was the girl I had the affair with all those years ago I couldn’t bring myself to go public so she got fed up of being kept secret and ended it. I kick myself every day that I let her go. I should have bloody married her. "
.

Did your wife run off with her husband?.

Seems a bit of a coincidence

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

One of the most interesting stories I heard was from a lady who's now in her fifties. She became great friends with a new neighbour who's husband worked abroad. Six months down the line he returned home and they instantly recognized eachother. They had been childhood sweethearts and both gone their separate ways and both married. Neither said anyrhing to their spouses and the two ladies have been best friends with years.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yes, had a brief affair many years ago whilst on a live in course for work. Had 12 years apart without any contact. Both got married and had kids etc in between. I got in touch when my wife left me and her husband had left her two weeks prior. Ended up seeing each other for over 3 years but as she was the girl I had the affair with all those years ago I couldn’t bring myself to go public so she got fed up of being kept secret and ended it. I kick myself every day that I let her go. I should have bloody married her. .

Did your wife run off with her husband?.

Seems a bit of a coincidence"

Nope. It was a coincidence, she called it fate.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Yes, had a brief affair many years ago whilst on a live in course for work. Had 12 years apart without any contact. Both got married and had kids etc in between. I got in touch when my wife left me and her husband had left her two weeks prior. Ended up seeing each other for over 3 years but as she was the girl I had the affair with all those years ago I couldn’t bring myself to go public so she got fed up of being kept secret and ended it. I kick myself every day that I let her go. I should have bloody married her. "

That sounds like a real shame.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yes, had a brief affair many years ago whilst on a live in course for work. Had 12 years apart without any contact. Both got married and had kids etc in between. I got in touch when my wife left me and her husband had left her two weeks prior. Ended up seeing each other for over 3 years but as she was the girl I had the affair with all those years ago I couldn’t bring myself to go public so she got fed up of being kept secret and ended it. I kick myself every day that I let her go. I should have bloody married her.

That sounds like a real shame."

Yeah it is. There’s a lot more to the story but I’d be waffling on all day. Basically the wife, well fiancé at the tome, found out about the affair and even though she married me after finding out and then leaving me 12 years later she would have made my life hell if she knew I was seeing her again. I’ve made my feelings known to the other girl and I told the ex wife I had been seeing her but it was too little too late it seems. Life eh.

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

[Removed by poster at 09/09/19 16:47:49]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is somebody I've always wondered what life would of been like if I'd been serious with her.

Now and again I'll get a the strange but beautiful smell of her in my nose, that only she smelt like.

She lives in Devon now. I'm actually friends with her on the Book of Face.

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By *ebjonnsonMan
over a year ago

Maldon

Three that will always have a place in my heart. I know their birthdays and phone numbers in my head.

One in particular, if she came back into my life , I would give up everything. Even Fab!

Ten years gone and I still think of her everyday.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South

No. My relationships ran their natural course. No “what if’s” here.

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By *ryst In IsoldeWoman
over a year ago

your imagination

I'm still friends with my ex fiancée from 27 years ago. I don't have any romantic or sexual feelings for him, but we do occasionally laugh and wonder 'what if' we hadn't called it off

There was really only ever one who got away that I wanted back. I got him.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Yes, had a brief affair many years ago whilst on a live in course for work. Had 12 years apart without any contact. Both got married and had kids etc in between. I got in touch when my wife left me and her husband had left her two weeks prior. Ended up seeing each other for over 3 years but as she was the girl I had the affair with all those years ago I couldn’t bring myself to go public so she got fed up of being kept secret and ended it. I kick myself every day that I let her go. I should have bloody married her.

That sounds like a real shame.

Yeah it is. There’s a lot more to the story but I’d be waffling on all day. Basically the wife, well fiancé at the tome, found out about the affair and even though she married me after finding out and then leaving me 12 years later she would have made my life hell if she knew I was seeing her again. I’ve made my feelings known to the other girl and I told the ex wife I had been seeing her but it was too little too late it seems. Life eh. "

That was a tough break ! Yea, maybe too little too late but I think better late than never in terms of having revealed a secret that had controled your choices.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"No. My relationships ran their natural course. No “what if’s” here.

"

A very healthy view and reality to have. So many people though seem to have been less fortunate.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 09/09/19 17:12:06]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yes, had a brief affair many years ago whilst on a live in course for work. Had 12 years apart without any contact. Both got married and had kids etc in between. I got in touch when my wife left me and her husband had left her two weeks prior. Ended up seeing each other for over 3 years but as she was the girl I had the affair with all those years ago I couldn’t bring myself to go public so she got fed up of being kept secret and ended it. I kick myself every day that I let her go. I should have bloody married her.

That sounds like a real shame.

Yeah it is. There’s a lot more to the story but I’d be waffling on all day. Basically the wife, well fiancé at the tome, found out about the affair and even though she married me after finding out and then leaving me 12 years later she would have made my life hell if she knew I was seeing her again. I’ve made my feelings known to the other girl and I told the ex wife I had been seeing her but it was too little too late it seems. Life eh.

That was a tough break ! Yea, maybe too little too late but I think better late than never in terms of having revealed a secret that had controled your choices."

It was a weight off my mind but got me nowhere in the end.

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By *urning the kinkMan
over a year ago

bristol

I'll love my old flame for ever.

She knows this but heho it's never worked out

She a good friend now but there's not a day goes with out me thinking about her.

You bastards I'm welling up now

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By *ookie46Woman
over a year ago

Deepest darkest Peru

Yes, I'm still in touch with my first love. It's hard at times but he's in a relationship but it's coming to an end. We won't act on it til he's single

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By *rwhowhatwherewhyMan
over a year ago

Aylesbury

Nope, she has long gone

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There was for years but he wasn't mine and i was in a ff relationship so nothing ever happened between us apart from a bit of flirting....He was with a girl that worked for my dad so I couldn't avoid seeing him at work party's and he's local so I would bump into him occasionally....We all have that one that we want and it's like instant attraction and something about them makes you know they are the one....He split with his ex at the same time I split with mine....My friend told me about fab so I joined....Months later I got a message off a guy saying I think I know you....I looked at his pics and knew it was him....Cutting a long story short we've been together now a nearly 3yrs and I've never been so happy....It's not about where or when you meet it's about fate and i think the one for you will always come your way x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I did. But then he couldn't forget me either and we worked through the issues that kept us apart.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

first love. i grew up with him as our mums were/are best friends. he was 2 years older. he met someone when i was 17. they moved away to Australia and are still together. we last spoke about 26 years ago. im happy that he found "his one" but think about him often and hear updates through our mums

second. we were both 21. he is Turkish, his family disapproved as I was English. they spent the next 3 1/2 years trying to split us until I couldn't take any more and gave up. we are still friends/text/FB, met up for coffee about 8 years ago as he still lives in Hull. he married a Turkish lady and family have interfered there too however with maturity he's stood up to them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There was for years but he wasn't mine and i was in a ff relationship so nothing ever happened between us apart from a bit of flirting....He was with a girl that worked for my dad so I couldn't avoid seeing him at work party's and he's local so I would bump into him occasionally....We all have that one that we want and it's like instant attraction and something about them makes you know they are the one....He split with his ex at the same time I split with mine....My friend told me about fab so I joined....Months later I got a message off a guy saying I think I know you....I looked at his pics and knew it was him....Cutting a long story short we've been together now a nearly 3yrs and I've never been so happy....It's not about where or when you meet it's about fate and i think the one for you will always come your way x "

How lovely for you both, long may it continue.

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By *rwhowhatwherewhyMan
over a year ago

Aylesbury


"There was for years but he wasn't mine and i was in a ff relationship so nothing ever happened between us apart from a bit of flirting....He was with a girl that worked for my dad so I couldn't avoid seeing him at work party's and he's local so I would bump into him occasionally....We all have that one that we want and it's like instant attraction and something about them makes you know they are the one....He split with his ex at the same time I split with mine....My friend told me about fab so I joined....Months later I got a message off a guy saying I think I know you....I looked at his pics and knew it was him....Cutting a long story short we've been together now a nearly 3yrs and I've never been so happy....It's not about where or when you meet it's about fate and i think the one for you will always come your way x "

That's sweet

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By *hoenixAdAstraWoman
over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows

An old flame on my mind.

Yes, but not for good reasons.

Having heard the bullshit & lies, he spread about me - to make himself look the innocent one, it pisses me off I have to cancel plans as I refuse to be in the same place as him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just found her

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always have a place for one of mine, I follow him on Insta and he follows me. We both know it won't work, but still stay in touch.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Yes, I'm still in touch with my first love. It's hard at times but he's in a relationship but it's coming to an end. We won't act on it til he's single "

That's a tricky one. Do you worry about the potential rebound aspect ? Or to be more precise, do you think he should have time to sort himself ( post seperation ) out before you both act on those feelings ?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"first love. i grew up with him as our mums were/are best friends. he was 2 years older. he met someone when i was 17. they moved away to Australia and are still together. we last spoke about 26 years ago. im happy that he found "his one" but think about him often and hear updates through our mums

second. we were both 21. he is Turkish, his family disapproved as I was English. they spent the next 3 1/2 years trying to split us until I couldn't take any more and gave up. we are still friends/text/FB, met up for coffee about 8 years ago as he still lives in Hull. he married a Turkish lady and family have interfered there too however with maturity he's stood up to them

"

Interfering family and friends are a major pressure on so many relationships.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"There was for years but he wasn't mine and i was in a ff relationship so nothing ever happened between us apart from a bit of flirting....He was with a girl that worked for my dad so I couldn't avoid seeing him at work party's and he's local so I would bump into him occasionally....We all have that one that we want and it's like instant attraction and something about them makes you know they are the one....He split with his ex at the same time I split with mine....My friend told me about fab so I joined....Months later I got a message off a guy saying I think I know you....I looked at his pics and knew it was him....Cutting a long story short we've been together now a nearly 3yrs and I've never been so happy....It's not about where or when you meet it's about fate and i think the one for you will always come your way x "

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I did. But then he couldn't forget me either and we worked through the issues that kept us apart. "

Nice result

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By *erlinhgvMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

Had an affair when married with a woman who was with somebody, left the wife she left him but got so guilty and felt sorry for him went back to him all together was with her 2 years would marry her today if she would only leave him

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By *uryWhipMan
over a year ago

Harringay

When i first joined this site it was while I was getting over someone. I question if i actually am as she made a huge impact on my life when she was in it. She tried to reach out to me last year on Instagram but i declined her request. She ressent it and canclled it so she knows and now I realise she actualy is gone for good. Haven't seen her for four years. Often wonder if she uses this site too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just my ex....

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By *nique_GymMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

"Maud Muller" is a poem from 1856 written by John Greenleaf Whittier (1807–1892). It is about a beautiful maid named Maud Muller. One day, while harvesting hay, she meets a judge from the local town. Each is smitten with the other. The judge thinks that he would like to be a local farmer married to Maud, while she thinks that she would like to be the wealthy judge's wife.

Neither voices these thoughts, however, and both the judge and the maiden move on. The judge marries a woman of wealth whose love for him is based on his riches. Maud Muller marries a young uneducated farmer. Throughout the rest of their lives, each remembers the day of their meeting and remorsefully reflects on what might have been.

This poem contains the well-known quotation: "For of all sad words of tongue or pen, The saddest are these: 'It might have been!'"

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Had an affair when married with a woman who was with somebody, left the wife she left him but got so guilty and felt sorry for him went back to him all together was with her 2 years would marry her today if she would only leave him"

That's the power of guilt....especially if she's too selfless by nature and he used guilt to manipulate her

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By *urplequeenWoman
over a year ago

Fife

I did always wonder about my first love from 20 odd years ago. He was in the services. I was a young naive 16/17 year old who couldnt handle that type of relationship back then so when he went away i would cheat and then finish it but then regret ut and we'd get back together. Till finally he had enough and done exactly it to me. I was devastated. He married her, had kids, still together now.

We were friends on the book of face but id never seen him in all the years. So i always wondered what if...

Till last year when an opportunity came up for me to see him. So yep, i dressed up and put myself out there to go see. Proved that i did still have something in my heart for him and he did too for me... We had a very brief few hours of fun...

I never do attached people but it was one of those things I had to do. Hes still with her now and I would never interfere in that but it settled a lot of my wondering.

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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough

Yes I do.

And I always will have

V x

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

No ex’s for a reason and so much easier to protect yourself if you forget

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yes, had a brief affair many years ago whilst on a live in course for work. Had 12 years apart without any contact. Both got married and had kids etc in between. I got in touch when my wife left me and her husband had left her two weeks prior. Ended up seeing each other for over 3 years but as she was the girl I had the affair with all those years ago I couldn’t bring myself to go public so she got fed up of being kept secret and ended it. I kick myself every day that I let her go. I should have bloody married her. "

that's really sad.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nope all my exes think I am a dick. Unfortunately, never understood the nuances of being a good boyfriend at the time. Lessons learned though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yes, had a brief affair many years ago whilst on a live in course for work. Had 12 years apart without any contact. Both got married and had kids etc in between. I got in touch when my wife left me and her husband had left her two weeks prior. Ended up seeing each other for over 3 years but as she was the girl I had the affair with all those years ago I couldn’t bring myself to go public so she got fed up of being kept secret and ended it. I kick myself every day that I let her go. I should have bloody married her.

that's really sad. "

Tell me about it, I've shed many a tear believe me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My GF finished our relationship 5 weeks ago after 3 wonderful years. Having a real hard time coming to terms with it all

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By *ineMan
over a year ago

In cave behind a waterfall on a hill

Theres a fire that never goes out....

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By *uzukiNo1Woman
over a year ago

Rhyl

Unless the shed gets moved and the ground gets overturned errrrrm I doubt I'll ever think of them again....

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By *entleman55Man
over a year ago

S’th West Mc/r

God I hope not....

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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago

Craggy Island

One or two flame's are still burning.

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By *manaWoman
over a year ago

Basingstoke

Yes and he shot me down in flames not long ago

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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago

Craggy Island


"Yes and he shot me down in flames not long ago

"

Bang bang, he shot me down

Bang bang, I hit the ground

Bang bang, that awful sound

Bang bang, my baby shot me down

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By *ensualpleasures69Man
over a year ago

leeds

Knew a girl at school, fancied the pants off her but nothing ever happened, left school and two years later saw her in a pub with a guy, she saw me and gave an innocent smile.

She was with a large group of his friends when I saw her go to the loos, I went towards the gents, she walked out of the ladies and was in front of me, we talked and hit it off straight away, after ten mins she made her excuse to go and gave me a peck on the cheek and whispered “I fancied you like hell at school!!”.....WTF!!!, I never knew.

No mobiles in the 80’s but I had to do something, I grabbed a beer mat, wrote my house tel no. and “need to talk to you about ex pupils day”, I walked past her and slipped it in her coat pocket as discreetly as I could, as I walked past I just said “nice to see you again, take care”, her boyfriend thought nothing of it.

Yes, she rang me and we had 6 months of heaven together. I then got the chance of six months in Oz, too good to turn down and we split.

I returned and found she had moved on. I met someone and had 30 years marriage, when that tragically ended my mates took for a night out, I ran to the ATM to get money out and fell......yes, right into a woman, it was HER.

Not changed one bit, still as gorgeous,

didn’t go back to my mates but spent a magical night with her, she’d divorced and we started off where we finished off 30 odd years ago, both decided we didn’t want a physical thing now just friends, she’s like my sister now, love her to bits!!

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By *ORDERMANMan
over a year ago

wrexham

Aye there be one...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A month before my father died about 3 years ago I met The One.

Unfortunately I just wasn't in a place to be a good partner and she stuck by me but in the end if you love someone you have to let them go so for her sake I did.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Knew a girl at school, fancied the pants off her but nothing ever happened, left school and two years later saw her in a pub with a guy, she saw me and gave an innocent smile.

She was with a large group of his friends when I saw her go to the loos, I went towards the gents, she walked out of the ladies and was in front of me, we talked and hit it off straight away, after ten mins she made her excuse to go and gave me a peck on the cheek and whispered “I fancied you like hell at school!!”.....WTF!!!, I never knew.

No mobiles in the 80’s but I had to do something, I grabbed a beer mat, wrote my house tel no. and “need to talk to you about ex pupils day”, I walked past her and slipped it in her coat pocket as discreetly as I could, as I walked past I just said “nice to see you again, take care”, her boyfriend thought nothing of it.

Yes, she rang me and we had 6 months of heaven together. I then got the chance of six months in Oz, too good to turn down and we split.

I returned and found she had moved on. I met someone and had 30 years marriage, when that tragically ended my mates took for a night out, I ran to the ATM to get money out and fell......yes, right into a woman, it was HER.

Not changed one bit, still as gorgeous,

didn’t go back to my mates but spent a magical night with her, she’d divorced and we started off where we finished off 30 odd years ago, both decided we didn’t want a physical thing now just friends, she’s like my sister now, love her to bits!! "

Great account of a unique tale.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I got back with my ex but we stayed very close when we were apart and continued to be best friends. We don't have a traditional relationship but it works for us

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire


"A phone in feature topic on the radio here today was about stories of people carrying a torch for or getting in touch with old flames. Some of the accounts were from attachrd people, some from single people. Some made contact and some just found themselves carrying a torch for 'the one that got away'.

So do you still have a place in your heart for a long lost love ?

Have you ever wondered / or actually made contact again ?"

Not a long lost, more a recent lost. Spoke a few weeks ago, he’s moving abroad. Same shit, different partner just shifting the problem elsewhere. But it’s still a torch I’ll always carry....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nope.

I dont give them headspace.

The past is history.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No! I have an ex, from when I was in my teens, that I almost always meet up with for sex n snuggles, when we are both single. His Mum still asks when I am gonna marry him, too. Tbf I love him to bits, just not like that nor enough to want a full on relationship with him. That is as close as it gets, the rest are an ex for a reason.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My GF finished our relationship 5 weeks ago after 3 wonderful years. Having a real hard time coming to terms with it all "

Time is all you need, you just have to go through the process. After 6 months you’ll be ok, I reckon it takes 2 years to be completely over somebody tho, where you can see them with another man and it not bother you but each day gets a little bit easier. I always tell myself, there are 4 billion women in this world, don’t get hung up on just one. Just a shame I don’t take that advice, it’s hard I know.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think there is always a little hidden corner for those you had that one of a kind of all in one connection with...

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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago

Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro

[Removed by poster at 10/09/19 15:16:12]

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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago

Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro

I'm 100% emotionally available and have been for a long time. 

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I remember bonfire night when i was 10 the flames were huuuuuuge

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By *ethany10Couple
over a year ago

falkirk

Not for me, we are soul mates and been together 46 years.

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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

I occasionally have old flames on my mind.

Sometimes its wistful.

Sometimes regret.

Sometimes it's going over lessons learnt.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

If I do, it's about not repeating mistakes made.

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By *ebjonnsonMan
over a year ago

Maldon


"I think there is always a little hidden corner for those you had that one of a kind of all in one connection with..."

I agree. Mine date back a while so in a good place now. Just lovely memories that occasionally bring a nice smile, especially if something reminds me of the places we met.

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By *ove2Lick!Man
over a year ago

Banbury

Same woman, every day

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By *ORDERMANMan
over a year ago

wrexham

Sometimes fab a picture where there is a reminder of a particular ex..

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By *affron40Woman
over a year ago

manchester

Just one I’d like to bury...

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

There’s a few of them about

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" Just lovely memories that occasionally bring a nice smile, especially if something reminds me of the places we met."

Similar. Song. Place. Words.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is one who is constantly present by her absence, sadly she had far too many fear based issues to have a stable relationship so self sabotaged every chance she had. A damn shame but we weren't on the same wavelength but it was what it was!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A few years ago i got back in touch with my old fiance, became friends and had a couple of sexual encounters with him, but soon realised he hadnt changed and i had i wasnt the same pushover i once was and he was as selfish as he used to be lol we dont speak anymore although i have discoverd him on here even though he has a girlfriend.. swiftly blocked him

MsC

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"There’s a few of them about "

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"There is one who is constantly present by her absence, sadly she had far too many fear based issues to have a stable relationship so self sabotaged every chance she had. A damn shame but we weren't on the same wavelength but it was what it was! "

That must be the toughest kind of example to have had to live with. Loving someone and having to let them go for the your own sanity or for their / both your sakes. It's the kind of love where the will always have a place in your heart, a chamber you manage by locking it shut and pretend isn't there.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dont have an ex I think about, other than with hate! But there was someone on here I refused to give up on and and things are getting there

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By *oinus1961Couple
over a year ago

Huntingdon

Over 30 years ago i lost contact with a man I loved SO much. This was in the days before mobiles and social media. Almost 3 years ago he cropped up on Facebook on a local community group. I messaged him. We got married recently. The sex is non existent; the love is all encompassing.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

Nope. I'm friends with a couple of exs but we absolutely should not be together.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I wonder how many of the people who hold flames for ex's are as a result of mistakes they feel they've made or guilt regarding that 'one that got away'?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all.

I have an ex that I think about a lot, but things end for a reason and ultimately it’d have never worked out in the end anyway.

It’s nice to think back on the good times and look forward to a future with someone new who is truly compatible

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all.

I have an ex that I think about a lot, but things end for a reason and ultimately it’d have never worked out in the end anyway.

It’s nice to think back on the good times and look forward to a future with someone new who is truly compatible "

Great way to look at it

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Nope. I'm friends with a couple of exs but we absolutely should not be together."

It's great that there is no bitterness or regret

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I wonder how many of the people who hold flames for ex's are as a result of mistakes they feel they've made or guilt regarding that 'one that got away'? "

Sometimes people come to terms with mistakes. Sometimes people come to terms with accepting they were not the ones who made the majority of mistakes and there was no more they could have done....but there's often a feeling of guilt for having had to be the one who walked away and hurt someone, regardless of circumstances.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"I wonder how many of the people who hold flames for ex's are as a result of mistakes they feel they've made or guilt regarding that 'one that got away'?

Sometimes people come to terms with mistakes. Sometimes people come to terms with accepting they were not the ones who made the majority of mistakes and there was no more they could have done....but there's often a feeling of guilt for having had to be the one who walked away and hurt someone, regardless of circumstances."

I agree, a part of me thinks though that the ones holding the flames are doing so because they regret their part in the relationship ending

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Went out with a girl for nearly 3 yrs about 25 yrs ago, we lived together in London and then in Dublin, we obviously split up, but I often think about her, and even the other night had a dream about her, I looked her up on Facebook few yrs back and was wondering to myself should I said her a friend request, then decided against it as she is now married. Now chances are she wouldn't have thought about me or maybe even remember me, but there you go. I still think of sending a Facebook friend request just to see what reaction I'd get,Does anybody on here think thats good idea or should I just drop this before I make an idiot of myself.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"I wonder how many of the people who hold flames for ex's are as a result of mistakes they feel they've made or guilt regarding that 'one that got away'?

Sometimes people come to terms with mistakes. Sometimes people come to terms with accepting they were not the ones who made the majority of mistakes and there was no more they could have done....but there's often a feeling of guilt for having had to be the one who walked away and hurt someone, regardless of circumstances.

I agree, a part of me thinks though that the ones holding the flames are doing so because they regret their part in the relationship ending"

I think this is the case with one of mine. He left me but then regretted it two years later and ever since. Personally I think he's just trying to "right the wrongs" he made when he was younger and stupider rather than it being about me as not only is nobody worth chasing for years but we'd be terrible together now and I'm not really the same person I was when we were together.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"I wonder how many of the people who hold flames for ex's are as a result of mistakes they feel they've made or guilt regarding that 'one that got away'?

Sometimes people come to terms with mistakes. Sometimes people come to terms with accepting they were not the ones who made the majority of mistakes and there was no more they could have done....but there's often a feeling of guilt for having had to be the one who walked away and hurt someone, regardless of circumstances.

I agree, a part of me thinks though that the ones holding the flames are doing so because they regret their part in the relationship ending

I think this is the case with one of mine. He left me but then regretted it two years later and ever since. Personally I think he's just trying to "right the wrongs" he made when he was younger and stupider rather than it being about me as not only is nobody worth chasing for years but we'd be terrible together now and I'm not really the same person I was when we were together."

I think that's a good point, it's not about the object of affection so much, it's about righting wrongs or fixing past mistakes. Hindsight is always sepia tinted

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There is one who is constantly present by her absence, sadly she had far too many fear based issues to have a stable relationship so self sabotaged every chance she had. A damn shame but we weren't on the same wavelength but it was what it was!

That must be the toughest kind of example to have had to live with. Loving someone and having to let them go for the your own sanity or for their / both your sakes. It's the kind of love where the will always have a place in your heart, a chamber you manage by locking it shut and pretend isn't there. "
I still hear about her from time to time thru friends she's still repeating the same patterns allowing people into her life then self sabotaging the relationship till it ends, it'll never change! An incredibly talented and passionate woman but that relationship would have broken me so despite loving her I had to walk away and bite down hard on the pain.

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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago

Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro


"I wonder how many of the people who hold flames for ex's are as a result of mistakes they feel they've made or guilt regarding that 'one that got away'?

Sometimes people come to terms with mistakes. Sometimes people come to terms with accepting they were not the ones who made the majority of mistakes and there was no more they could have done....but there's often a feeling of guilt for having had to be the one who walked away and hurt someone, regardless of circumstances."

Unanswered questions will always be just that. Set yourself free. You cant change history but you can your future. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

my first ever girlfriend from junior school met her by chance a couple of years ago some 30odd years later and i really fancy her still sadly she is married with kids so its off the menu but she is still bloody gorgeous

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I wonder how many of the people who hold flames for ex's are as a result of mistakes they feel they've made or guilt regarding that 'one that got away'?

Sometimes people come to terms with mistakes. Sometimes people come to terms with accepting they were not the ones who made the majority of mistakes and there was no more they could have done....but there's often a feeling of guilt for having had to be the one who walked away and hurt someone, regardless of circumstances.

Unanswered questions will always be just that. Set yourself free. You cant change history but you can your future. X"

What if ?s are definitely not for dwelling on.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"There is one who is constantly present by her absence, sadly she had far too many fear based issues to have a stable relationship so self sabotaged every chance she had. A damn shame but we weren't on the same wavelength but it was what it was!

That must be the toughest kind of example to have had to live with. Loving someone and having to let them go for the your own sanity or for their / both your sakes. It's the kind of love where the will always have a place in your heart, a chamber you manage by locking it shut and pretend isn't there. I still hear about her from time to time thru friends she's still repeating the same patterns allowing people into her life then self sabotaging the relationship till it ends, it'll never change! An incredibly talented and passionate woman but that relationship would have broken me so despite loving her I had to walk away and bite down hard on the pain. "

As brutally crushing as it is to have thst realisation, I'm sure from what you've discribed neither of you could have been happy in that relationship. It's great you have the strenght to change what you could and the wisdom to know what you could not.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Went out with a girl for nearly 3 yrs about 25 yrs ago, we lived together in London and then in Dublin, we obviously split up, but I often think about her, and even the other night had a dream about her, I looked her up on Facebook few yrs back and was wondering to myself should I said her a friend request, then decided against it as she is now married. Now chances are she wouldn't have thought about me or maybe even remember me, but there you go. I still think of sending a Facebook friend request just to see what reaction I'd get,Does anybody on here think thats good idea or should I just drop this before I make an idiot of myself. "

Well you are definitely selling yourself short thinking she moght not even remember you. Three years of a relationship is a fair chunk of anyone's life.

I wouldn't think you would be making a fool of yourself by sending saying hi to her on facebook, but too factors might determine how good an idea that is:-

1, The circumstances and what caused your breakup. And

2, As she's married ( and you may still be carrying a torch for her ) could you handle just being friends and seeing online her life with someone else ?...and could that be torturous for you or maybe even something that could potentially open an old wound ?

Only you can call it

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By *aked_magicMan
over a year ago

the gutter looking at the stars (UAE)

I havent seen her in eighteen years. She'll haunt me till the day i die

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I havent seen her in eighteen years. She'll haunt me till the day i die"

Sad you haven't seen her in 18 years but it would be an absolute shame to remain haunted. I'm of the belief that it's meant to be, it will be. All you can do I imagine in a situation like your's is hope she has a wonderful and rewarding life, and do your best to ensure you have too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

nope never even had a girlfriend

and i dont want a boyfriend

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By *aked_magicMan
over a year ago

the gutter looking at the stars (UAE)


"

Sad you haven't seen her in 18 years but it would be an absolute shame to remain haunted. I'm of the belief that it's meant to be, it will be. All you can do I imagine in a situation like your's is hope she has a wonderful and rewarding life, and do your best to ensure you have too."

I genuinely believe we all live the same lives over and over through time. So if we dont see each other again in this life time we will in the next. Eventually in one lifetime or another we will get it right and live happily ever after

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes he's on my mind constantly. It was a whirlwind that at the time was too good to be true. Wrong timing, he had many issues and I let him away with far too much.

However he is still in my thoughts all the time

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By *nnnikCouple
over a year ago

Walsall

Sounds like someone has been listening to Elton John and in his used panty draw.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes there is one.

We still talk occasionally which is nice .

We both moved on , which is the most important thing to do

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By *ewrocksWoman
over a year ago

button moon

One I'd like answers from, that I know I won't get.

Partly because he's blocked every way possible, partly because I know he's full of shit so would just lie some more.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"One I'd like answers from, that I know I won't get.

Partly because he's blocked every way possible, partly because I know he's full of shit so would just lie some more. "

It seems unlikely a person like that would admit the answer to himself, let alone anyone else. Impossible puzzles are not worth the effort to dwell on.

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

Yes but she resting in peace now after being taken far to young.

Fancied her as she was stunning, bright, funny etc but I assumed she was out of my league.

She later passed away and at the funeral wake I got talking to her best friend and she told me that her friend didn't think I liked her but she really liked me.

To be honest I'm still not sure it was a good thing to know that, when it was to late.

Changed my life though and now if I like someone in the vanilla world I talk to them working in the "what's the worse that can happen" principle.

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By *ewrocksWoman
over a year ago

button moon


"One I'd like answers from, that I know I won't get.

Partly because he's blocked every way possible, partly because I know he's full of shit so would just lie some more.

It seems unlikely a person like that would admit the answer to himself, let alone anyone else. Impossible puzzles are not worth the effort to dwell on."

Hence the blocking.x

Wasted enough of my life second guessing myself.

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