FabSwingers.com forum: Beast Club

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

1. Don't talk about Beast Club.

2. You must choose an animal to fight to the death for Reputation Points.

3. That animal knows the rules and will act accordingly and with instinct.

4. No weapons, clothing or items.

5. No environmental advantage/arena adapts to fit both contestant and Beast.

For those who've played before.. Try to keep within the rules. To those who join in for the first time. The Mongol Horde will judge and may ask questions as to your potential plan of attack.

- Pick easy.. No Respect.

- Pick with a degree of difficulty.. Gain respect.

- Pick impossible.. Lose Respect.

You may have more than one attempt if the Horde deem you worthy of surviving your first encounter.

**No namby pamby, eco-warrior, supervegan, tree hugging bullshit in this thread people.. Let the bloodsports begin**

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By *llaboutthewifeCouple
over a year ago

Cardiff

Oh god, read breast!!

Too much fab!

Jo x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Oh god, read breast!!

Too much fab!

Jo x

I'd box a booby

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’d just lick you to death x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I’d just lick you to death x"

I'm waterproof.. youd need to try harder than that.. Also.. You know I'd HAVE to fight back right? it's in the rules

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Honey badger

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’d just lick you to death x

I'm waterproof.. youd need to try harder than that.. Also.. You know I'd HAVE to fight back right? it's in the rules

I’d just lie on my back and submit haha

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Honey badger"

Oh really? What's your tactic?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Honey badger

Oh really? What's your tactic? "

Blind panic whilst protecting my testicles

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Honey badger

Oh really? What's your tactic?

Blind panic whilst protecting my testicles "

I think you're in serious danger of losing those testicles my friend.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So iv beat 2 polar bears a polar bear and a hippo so il go this time with a trex

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Honey badger

Oh really? What's your tactic?

Blind panic whilst protecting my testicles

I think you're in serious danger of losing those testicles my friend. "

Well you set the rules...what else would you protect against what is predominantly a vicious predator... Its not like I can batter it with a snake. It eats them for breakfast

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"So iv beat 2 polar bears a polar bear and a hippo so il go this time with a trex

I was expecting Megalagon when I saw your name

- You lose the Mongol Hordes Respect a little. Though they do admire your tenacity, so you regain what was lost.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So iv beat 2 polar bears a polar bear and a hippo so il go this time with a trex

I was expecting Megalagon when I saw your name

- You lose the Mongol Hordes Respect a little. Though they do admire your tenacity, so you regain what was lost."
a megalodon on land id not have much to do to win really

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am out as I eat women's anuses like a vegan

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I am out as I eat women's anuses like a vegan "
is that like kangaroo anus or more chewy?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Honey badger

Oh really? What's your tactic?

Blind panic whilst protecting my testicles

I think you're in serious danger of losing those testicles my friend.

Well you set the rules...what else would you protect against what is predominantly a vicious predator... Its not like I can batter it with a snake. It eats them for breakfast "

But I didnt force you to pick the most tenacious, give zero fucks, black and white Hulk of the Animal Kingdom.

You could have picked a Koala.. they're vicious little bastards too, but your knickers would be in less danger. You'd have gained the Hordes respect.. now.. they just fear for your dangly bits *Nobody wants to see that.. said the Horde with baited breath*

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"So iv beat 2 polar bears a polar bear and a hippo so il go this time with a trex

I was expecting Megalagon when I saw your name

- You lose the Mongol Hordes Respect a little. Though they do admire your tenacity, so you regain what was lost.a megalodon on land id not have much to do to win really

read rule 5

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im not doing a the other guys and fighting a tuna tho

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So iv beat 2 polar bears a polar bear and a hippo so il go this time with a trex

I was expecting Megalagon when I saw your name

- You lose the Mongol Hordes Respect a little. Though they do admire your tenacity, so you regain what was lost.a megalodon on land id not have much to do to win really

read rule 5"
hell its still got no arms and legs

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"So iv beat 2 polar bears a polar bear and a hippo so il go this time with a trex

I was expecting Megalagon when I saw your name

- You lose the Mongol Hordes Respect a little. Though they do admire your tenacity, so you regain what was lost.a megalodon on land id not have much to do to win really

read rule 5hell its still got no arms and legs "

How would you kill something like a trex without a weapon.. ? Morbid curiosity.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So iv beat 2 polar bears a polar bear and a hippo so il go this time with a trex

I was expecting Megalagon when I saw your name

- You lose the Mongol Hordes Respect a little. Though they do admire your tenacity, so you regain what was lost.a megalodon on land id not have much to do to win really

read rule 5hell its still got no arms and legs

How would you kill something like a trex without a weapon.. ? Morbid curiosity."

Easy.. You said nothing about hitting him with a world killing meteorite

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

A feather would kill me today.... so off to die quietly, a non worthy warrior death

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"So iv beat 2 polar bears a polar bear and a hippo so il go this time with a trex

I was expecting Megalagon when I saw your name

- You lose the Mongol Hordes Respect a little. Though they do admire your tenacity, so you regain what was lost.a megalodon on land id not have much to do to win really

read rule 5hell its still got no arms and legs

How would you kill something like a trex without a weapon.. ? Morbid curiosity.

Easy.. You said nothing about hitting him with a world killing meteorite "

*The Horde collectively

's and the world spins 0.5 of a degree of its axis*

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"So iv beat 2 polar bears a polar bear and a hippo so il go this time with a trex

I was expecting Megalagon when I saw your name

- You lose the Mongol Hordes Respect a little. Though they do admire your tenacity, so you regain what was lost.a megalodon on land id not have much to do to win really

read rule 5hell its still got no arms and legs

How would you kill something like a trex without a weapon.. ? Morbid curiosity.

Easy.. You said nothing about hitting him with a world killing meteorite

*The Horde collectively

's and the world spins 0.5 of a degree of its axis*"

off

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So iv beat 2 polar bears a polar bear and a hippo so il go this time with a trex

I was expecting Megalagon when I saw your name

- You lose the Mongol Hordes Respect a little. Though they do admire your tenacity, so you regain what was lost.a megalodon on land id not have much to do to win really

read rule 5hell its still got no arms and legs

How would you kill something like a trex without a weapon.. ? Morbid curiosity."
its turning circle would be wide and as it has no owl like neck il rin around it staying away from his jaw jump on his tale climb onto his thigh and take a risk as his eyes are small and far from his jaws trick it into taking a chunkvout of its thigh timing my jump size for size i will have the reaction speed to get out of the way then sit back as it bleeds to death unable to get up il walk to a boulder for a sit down and chill

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It was leg day today... so something I can fight whilst sitting down. Open to suggestions...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"So iv beat 2 polar bears a polar bear and a hippo so il go this time with a trex

I was expecting Megalagon when I saw your name

- You lose the Mongol Hordes Respect a little. Though they do admire your tenacity, so you regain what was lost.a megalodon on land id not have much to do to win really

read rule 5hell its still got no arms and legs

How would you kill something like a trex without a weapon.. ? Morbid curiosity.its turning circle would be wide and as it has no owl like neck il rin around it staying away from his jaw jump on his tale climb onto his thigh and take a risk as his eyes are small and far from his jaws trick it into taking a chunkvout of its thigh timing my jump size for size i will have the reaction speed to get out of the way then sit back as it bleeds to death unable to get up il walk to a boulder for a sit down and chill

Crocodiles, alligators and other large reptiles like Komodo Dragons use their tails as whips.. well most lizards do.. but the three mentioned could sweep a man off his feet. I dread to think what a Rex's tail would be like?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It was leg day today... so something I can fight whilst sitting down. Open to suggestions..."

*A particularly boisterous looking member of the Mongol Horde shouts "Sewer Rat?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So iv beat 2 polar bears a polar bear and a hippo so il go this time with a trex

I was expecting Megalagon when I saw your name

- You lose the Mongol Hordes Respect a little. Though they do admire your tenacity, so you regain what was lost.a megalodon on land id not have much to do to win really

read rule 5hell its still got no arms and legs

But its never had to use it its never seen an enemy like me its probly overconfident

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"So iv beat 2 polar bears a polar bear and a hippo so il go this time with a trex

I was expecting Megalagon when I saw your name

- You lose the Mongol Hordes Respect a little. Though they do admire your tenacity, so you regain what was lost.a megalodon on land id not have much to do to win really

read rule 5hell its still got no arms and legs

But its never had to use it its never seen an enemy like me its probly overconfident

Brilliant! The Mongols chuckle.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hmmm... fast and squirmy, with skanky teeth and claws... Yup, reckon I could take a sewer rat

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A male pitbull

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

Oh we did this before...

Cougar - to the death!

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By *iss.RedWoman
over a year ago

somewhere

I'm not too sure on the rules but I'm going for wolf

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"A male pitbull"

You know they're a breed of dog that can lock their jaw right?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Oh we did this before...

Cougar - to the death! "

To the death indeed

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm not too sure on the rules but I'm going for wolf"

Tall order.. You will gain the respect of the Tribes if you can take it down.. What is your tactic?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A male pitbull

You know they're a breed of dog that can lock their jaw right?"
if he doses hinself with tetanus so can he

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"A male pitbull

You know they're a breed of dog that can lock their jaw right?if he doses hinself with tetanus so can he

Oh that's right! I forgot to include a time limit this time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ok sounds fun

So I would place a sex starved Panda armed with bamboo throwing sticks in the arena beacuse i guess ether way it's screwed!

3.2.1 fight....

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Ok sounds fun

So I would place a sex starved Panda armed with bamboo throwing sticks in the arena beacuse i guess ether way it's screwed!

3.2.1 fight...."

You have to fight the panda.. no weapons for either of you.. as fun as it'd be.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bring on the giant Pangolin. Just not to the death, they are awesome.

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By *orenzoVonMatterhornMan
over a year ago

Lincoln

One slightly annoyed dormouse

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You have to fight the panda.. no weapons for either of you.. as fun as it'd be."

Ahhh ok newbie here ok just the panda then

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Bring on the giant Pangolin. Just not to the death, they are awesome."

If you cant kill it, it'll kill you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"One slightly annoyed dormouse

The slightly annoyed ones are the most dangerous ones......good luck mate

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"One slightly annoyed dormouse

*The Horde sighs sadly*

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

You have to fight the panda.. no weapons for either of you.. as fun as it'd be.

Ahhh ok newbie here ok just the panda then "

Have you not seen that clip of a man being almost pulled through the bars of an angry pandas cage?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You have to fight the panda.. no weapons for either of you.. as fun as it'd be.

Ahhh ok newbie here ok just the panda then

Have you not seen that clip of a man being almost pulled through the bars of an angry pandas cage?"

Yes the guy was foolish with a frontal attack *bows to horde* i have a cunning plan

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

You have to fight the panda.. no weapons for either of you.. as fun as it'd be.

Ahhh ok newbie here ok just the panda then

Have you not seen that clip of a man being almost pulled through the bars of an angry pandas cage?

Yes the guy was foolish with a frontal attack *bows to horde* i have a cunning plan"

The Horde love cunning plans. Do go on..

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

Liopleurodon

My beastie will cause thou much grief.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If allowed I would paint myself with panda eyes and body markings to lure said panda into a false sense of security and hopefully hornyness but that could take some practise according to China but nonetheless once panda is calm and gentle I would jump on it's back and ride it for all its worth untill it's worn out and gives up (let the enemy do the work)

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Liopleurodon

My beastie will cause thou much grief.....

ummm.. itll cause YOU the grief.. yourd the one who has to fight that aquatic marine dinosaur.. not I

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If allowed I would paint myself with panda eyes and body markings to lure said panda into a false sense of security and hopefully hornyness but that could take some practise according to China but nonetheless once panda is calm and gentle I would jump on it's back and ride it for all its worth untill it's worn out and gives up (let the enemy do the work)"

I'll allow the body paint.. just to see how the plan would pan out in reality.

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

"Liopleurodon

My beastie will cause thou much grief.....

ummm.. itll cause YOU the grief.. yourd the one who has to fight that aquatic marine dinosaur.. not I

Oh bugger!

I misread the rules!!!

Oh well.....I’m off to make my funeral arrangements then

I’ll leave you all a free bar though

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Liopleurodon

My beastie will cause thou much grief.....

ummm.. itll cause YOU the grief.. yourd the one who has to fight that aquatic marine dinosaur.. not I

Oh bugger!

I misread the rules!!!

Oh well.....I’m off to make my funeral arrangements then

I’ll leave you all a free bar though

Respect lost.. but very much regained with the free bar

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A male pitbull

You know they're a breed of dog that can lock their jaw right?"

That’s why I chose a male. Present my forearm and take the bite. With my other hand squeeze the balls, get it on the floor and knee on the neck until it breaks.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"A male pitbull

You know they're a breed of dog that can lock their jaw right?

That’s why I chose a male. Present my forearm and take the bite. With my other hand squeeze the balls, get it on the floor and knee on the neck until it breaks."

Podrick LEVELS UP

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A hedge hog , why do they hog the hedge?

We would sit in our stripy deck chair, eat baternburg and quaff raspberry lemonade

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"A hedge hog , why do they hog the hedge?

We would sit in our stripy deck chair, eat baternburg and quaff raspberry lemonade

How do you intend on dispatching said hogger of hedges?

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By *orenzoVonMatterhornMan
over a year ago

Lincoln

"A hedge hog , why do they hog the hedge?

We would sit in our stripy deck chair, eat baternburg and quaff raspberry lemonade

How do you intend on dispatching said hogger of hedges?"

Spike the lemonade obviously. Dastardly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A hedge hog , why do they hog the hedge?

We would sit in our stripy deck chair, eat baternburg and quaff raspberry lemonade

How do you intend on dispatching said hogger of hedges?"
oh I could send him parcel posts or DHL ,

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"A hedge hog , why do they hog the hedge?

We would sit in our stripy deck chair, eat baternburg and quaff raspberry lemonade

How do you intend on dispatching said hogger of hedges? oh I could send him parcel posts or DHL ,

No items. Just you vs Hog.

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

An adult red deer stag...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A sloth

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A ferret

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Leucochloridium paradoxum

I've only just discovered this bastard a few weeks ago and I feel queasy every time I see it pop up in social media

Do I have to fight it?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"An adult red deer stag..."

How do you kill it? That's a very strong throat to try and restrict.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"A sloth "

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"A ferret "

ooh I'd imagine an aggressive ferret would be pretty formidable

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Leucochloridium paradoxum

I've only just discovered this bastard a few weeks ago and I feel queasy every time I see it pop up in social media

Do I have to fight it?"

Yes you do. Horrendous creatures.. saw them on Attenborough's shows as a youngster. Zombie mind control parasite for snails

What a way to go.

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

As it charges I place one foot on the top of his head, a antler tip in each hand as I front flip over and crush his spine with my voluptuous buttocks as I land full weight on his back...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Leucochloridium paradoxum

I've only just discovered this bastard a few weeks ago and I feel queasy every time I see it pop up in social media

Do I have to fight it?

Yes you do. Horrendous creatures.. saw them on Attenborough's shows as a youngster. Zombie mind control parasite for snails

What a way to go. "

Well I was going to say salt, but that's an item so cant...

Then I was going to say I will do something to make me sweat and use the salty beads to shrivel the host up, but that could prove impossible.

So I'm going to piss on it

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"As it charges I place one foot on the top of his head, a antler tip in each hand as I front flip over and crush his spine with my voluptuous buttocks as I land full weight on his back..."

*A sharp gasp comes from the Horde.. *

A front flip with potentially life changing circumstances if you get it wrong by a few centimetres

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

My 38H breasts would take most of the damage, protecting my vital organs

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"My 38H breasts would take most of the damage, protecting my vital organs"

*Horde applaud*

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