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Auntie Ps advice line

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Morning cockwombles and cuntwaffles (in the endearing sense of course)

Auntie P has the day off today, "huzzah" I hear you exclaim in relief that your lifely troubles will soon be abolished.

What's frying your thinking doofah? Does your cupboard contain a tin with no label?

Need some new photo ideas?

Small print:ANY ACCIDENTS ARE NOT THE RESPONSIBILITY OF AUNTIE P. KEEP YOUR ARMS INSIDE THE RIDE AT ALL TIMES.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *izzymonkeyMan
over a year ago

Hiding In A Bush

Dear Aunty P,

I am currently sat on the throne thinking of what to have for my tea....is this normal, to be thinking of food when getTing rid of old food???

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Dear Aunty P,

I am currently sat on the throne thinking of what to have for my tea....is this normal, to be thinking of food when getTing rid of old food??? "

Have some fucking patience, I've just tried to stand and have pins and needles from hell in my left leg from my fanny flap to my pinkie toe.

WOMAN DOWN, WOMAN DOWN

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

I was bored , not any more !!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *izzymonkeyMan
over a year ago

Hiding In A Bush


"Dear Aunty P,

I am currently sat on the throne thinking of what to have for my tea....is this normal, to be thinking of food when getTing rid of old food???

Have some fucking patience, I've just tried to stand and have pins and needles from hell in my left leg from my fanny flap to my pinkie toe.

WOMAN DOWN, WOMAN DOWN "

....refer you to the above Aunty P.....

Small print:ANY ACCIDENTS ARE NOT THE RESPONSIBILITY OF AUNTIE P. KEEP YOUR ARMS INSIDE THE RIDE AT ALL TIMES.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 03/09/19 11:44:52]

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

Dear Auntie P...

Is it illegal to launch a tin of open Pilchards at my bosses noggin??

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Dear Aunty P,

I am currently sat on the throne thinking of what to have for my tea....is this normal, to be thinking of food when getTing rid of old food???

Have some fucking patience, I've just tried to stand and have pins and needles from hell in my left leg from my fanny flap to my pinkie toe.

WOMAN DOWN, WOMAN DOWN

....refer you to the above Aunty P.....

Small print:ANY ACCIDENTS ARE NOT THE RESPONSIBILITY OF AUNTIE P. KEEP YOUR ARMS INSIDE THE RIDE AT ALL TIMES.

"

Kept my leg too far in didn't I. Under ones body for a good few hours. Silly Auntie P

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"[Removed by poster at 03/09/19 11:44:52]"

Bollocks

Was wiping a water droplet off my phone screen and caught delete text.

Well ya snooze ya lose, that was good advice right there

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I was bored , not any more !! "

Huzzah!

I heard it

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Dear Auntie P...

Is it illegal to launch a tin of open Pilchards at my bosses noggin?? "

I would refrain from right between the eyes if he's looking right at ya, but when he's distracted?

Fair

Fucking

Game

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *hoenixAdAstraWoman
over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows

Dear Auntie P

Is it wrong to swear profusely in front of 2 teens whilst driving, at the fucknuggets with no idea of spacial awareness on the motorway?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity


"Dear Auntie P...

Is it illegal to launch a tin of open Pilchards at my bosses noggin??

I would refrain from right between the eyes if he's looking right at ya, but when he's distracted?

Fair

Fucking

Game "

Ah ha I see , thankyou for reminding me of that little known bye law

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Dear Auntie P

Is it wrong to swear profusely in front of 2 teens whilst driving, at the fucknuggets with no idea of spacial awareness on the motorway? "

Turn it into a game, you must start with a swear beginning with A, then continue on through the alphabet as a trio. Gets them engaging their brains and doing wordy thinking

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity


"Dear Auntie P

Is it wrong to swear profusely in front of 2 teens whilst driving, at the fucknuggets with no idea of spacial awareness on the motorway?

Turn it into a game, you must start with a swear beginning with A, then continue on through the alphabet as a trio. Gets them engaging their brains and doing wordy thinking "

Fuckin Wow !! Awesome game , A-Z of swear words . I feel a new thread coming on . You haven't copywrited that idea I hope

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Dear Auntie P

Is it wrong to swear profusely in front of 2 teens whilst driving, at the fucknuggets with no idea of spacial awareness on the motorway?

Turn it into a game, you must start with a swear beginning with A, then continue on through the alphabet as a trio. Gets them engaging their brains and doing wordy thinking Fuckin Wow !! Awesome game , A-Z of swear words . I feel a new thread coming on . You haven't copywrited that idea I hope "

Roll with it,we can not only expand our English language knowledge but learn some others too

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.

Dear Auntie P

How do I stop thinking about my quim being filled with a strap on wielded by an utter beaut? It's taking up too much of my head space.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Dear Auntie P.

New photo ideas please?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Dear Auntie P

How do I stop thinking about my quim being filled with a strap on wielded by an utter beaut? It's taking up too much of my head space."

Is this a problem?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *izzymonkeyMan
over a year ago

Hiding In A Bush

Dear Aunty P,

When my dog humps my leg....does this class as r4pe/non consensual sex??? Will he get in trouble with the law??

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Dear Auntie P

How do I stop thinking about my quim being filled with a strap on wielded by an utter beaut? It's taking up too much of my head space."

Picture the strap on from the film 7even.

Made to make your eyes water

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *hoenixAdAstraWoman
over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows


"Dear Auntie P

Is it wrong to swear profusely in front of 2 teens whilst driving, at the fucknuggets with no idea of spacial awareness on the motorway?

Turn it into a game, you must start with a swear beginning with A, then continue on through the alphabet as a trio. Gets them engaging their brains and doing wordy thinking Fuckin Wow !! Awesome game , A-Z of swear words . I feel a new thread coming on . You haven't copywrited that idea I hope

Roll with it,we can not only expand our English language knowledge but learn some others too"

Oh Auntie P

You are the tops

Brilliant idea

I'll start with ArseMunchingFuckwit

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"Dear Aunty P,

When my dog humps my leg....does this class as r4pe/non consensual sex??? Will he get in trouble with the law??

"

Sexual assault. No penetration.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Dear Auntie P.

New photo ideas please? "

Yaaaay, Captain Jack Sparrow whilst holding a dildo instead of a sword

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *rwhowhatwherewhyMan
over a year ago

Aylesbury

Dear Aunty P, how do I get away with doing as little work as possible without pissing off my managers?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Dear Aunty P,

When my dog humps my leg....does this class as r4pe/non consensual sex??? Will he get in trouble with the law??

"

That all depends on the breed, if he's a Newfoundland you'll be sound providing only a handful of people know. With him being a Big Black Canine I'm sure it could easily get brushed under the carpet and the news won't out until he's deader than a dead thing

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Aunty P

How do I feel less guilty for eating like a pig?!?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Dear Aunty P, how do I get away with doing as little work as possible without pissing off my managers?"

Keep asking them for the next job. They'll think you're smashing through them. You simply pass the jobs onto some other cunt without them knowing

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Dear Aunty P

How do I feel less guilty for eating like a pig?!? "

I'll tell you when I have the answer.

Signed *I've just had leftover curry for breakfast and am sporting a bloat.

Or, use a plate not a trough

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.


"Dear Auntie P

How do I stop thinking about my quim being filled with a strap on wielded by an utter beaut? It's taking up too much of my head space.

Picture the strap on from the film 7even.

Made to make your eyes water"

Well that worked bloody quickly and effectively. Thanks you legend.

Actually no. She's too cute for that. See my sensible and practical side can't dampen my ardour. Damn it.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"Dear Aunty P

How do I feel less guilty for eating like a pig?!? "

Pigs are noble creatures!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Dear Auntie P

How do I stop thinking about my quim being filled with a strap on wielded by an utter beaut? It's taking up too much of my head space.

Picture the strap on from the film 7even.

Made to make your eyes water

Well that worked bloody quickly and effectively. Thanks you legend.

Actually no. She's too cute for that. See my sensible and practical side can't dampen my ardour. Damn it."

If you find out she watches "forged in fire" she's honing the skills to make such a weapon and you're being bewitched by cutesy.

Super glue your flaps?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

Hey Aunty P ..I'm hanging at work (not literally lol) could do with your motivational speak.

My hands are firmly inside the rail..hit me up

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Hey Aunty P ..I'm hanging at work (not literally lol) could do with your motivational speak.

My hands are firmly inside the rail..hit me up "

You recreate Bs dancing energy and gusto. Not the dancing mind, just the energy

Grab yourself a share bag of maltesers at the next opportunity but don't share.

You fucking rebel

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38


"Hey Aunty P ..I'm hanging at work (not literally lol) could do with your motivational speak.

My hands are firmly inside the rail..hit me up

You recreate Bs dancing energy and gusto. Not the dancing mind, just the energy

Grab yourself a share bag of maltesers at the next opportunity but don't share.

You fucking rebel "

Smiling here as always at your wisdom...love it.

B does have energy galore...I could do with some of that..nice one

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Auntie P.. I've just had a big stretch and now my foot has cramped and my leg wont stop shaking.. is this how it ends for me?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Auntie P. While my leg is still shaking, I have just realised that, in every house there is always that 1 teaspoon that you have an aversion to. Why is this?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Auntie P

Do Gorgons have mini snakes for pubes?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the best way to go about getting everyone on the site to block me?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Auntie P.

Its seems my nice guy charms, eloquence and wit isn't cutting the mustard with the ladies of fab. What approach should I use to be once again wading knee deep through seas of fit clunge?

(Asking for a "friend".. obvs)

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Auntie P.

I have been turned down by the lady doing her infamous van tour. Should I just end it now?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Auntie P.. I've just had a big stretch and now my foot has cramped and my leg wont stop shaking.. is this how it ends for me?"

I've learned a lot about cramp over this last year.

Ends? Hell no, this is just the start of a life of agonising bouts of "kill me now" and "just amputate goddam it"

The leg shake.... become an Elvis tribute act, you're naturally half way there

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Auntie P.

I was trying to spice up sex with a partner as things were going stale. I suggested maybe a 3sum..

She suggested using dead gerbils..

Help!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Auntie P. While my leg is still shaking, I have just realised that, in every house there is always that 1 teaspoon that you have an aversion to. Why is this?"

Coz someone you don't like licked it once, or you used it for cat food and it got washed and put back in the drawer.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Auntie P

Do Gorgons have mini snakes for pubes?"

Bum worms that work round the front. Like a worm nappy

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Auntie P. When are people going to stop calling me a girl? I'm thirty fucking three.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"What's the best way to go about getting everyone on the site to block me?"

Impossible task. Get yourself of the krypton factor instead

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Auntie P.

I invented a great life hack by routing my headphone lead through my nipple ring. However it has now chafed but I am not sure if the buzzing interference in the headphones is worth losing the rather enjoyable sensation in my left nipple during workouts..

Any advice?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Auntie P.

Its seems my nice guy charms, eloquence and wit isn't cutting the mustard with the ladies of fab. What approach should I use to be once again wading knee deep through seas of fit clunge?

(Asking for a "friend".. obvs)"

Wait for an influx of new ladies. Fresh meat alert.

Start a recruitment drive

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.


"Auntie P. When are people going to stop calling me a girl? I'm thirty fucking three. "

Girl, don't let it get you down. You're too pretty for that. Smile.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"Auntie P. When are people going to stop calling me a girl? I'm thirty fucking three.

Girl, don't let it get you down. You're too pretty for that. Smile. "

Bugger off

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

Dear auntie P

This summer horn is doing my head in! I can only get it sated in a couple of weeks How will I survive?!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Hey Aunty P ..I'm hanging at work (not literally lol) could do with your motivational speak.

My hands are firmly inside the rail..hit me up

You recreate Bs dancing energy and gusto. Not the dancing mind, just the energy

Grab yourself a share bag of maltesers at the next opportunity but don't share.

You fucking rebel

Smiling here as always at your wisdom...love it.

B does have energy galore...I could do with some of that..nice one"

I need that energy tbf, I'd be knackered at work without it! When I have a day off it has to go somewhere...

In my honest opinion my dancing isn't too shabby (while no John Travolta, I managed to not get fired when I did it for a job at least) though I do appreciate that not every job approves of this...

Uncle B

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Auntie P.

I have been turned down by the lady doing her infamous van tour. Should I just end it now?"

Sooty and Sweep are very protective of Sue these days.

Most of it's bollocks anyway.

Men getting blocked by mountains of people for sending veris in exchange for the location. The location doesn't even get sent.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Auntie P.

In the late 90s I was all for Britney in the Britney/Christina debate.

Now Britney is certified turbo mental can I switch sides without losing face or copious amounts of guilt and betrayal?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

Dear Auntie P,

Whilst out walking my trusty mutt last night I became aware of weird lights in the sky and a curious humming noise.

I next remember waking up somewhat disorientated and upon looking at my watch, found to my surprise that I had been ‘asleep’ for over two hours.

More disquieting however, I also noticed that my anus is somewhat sore and has alarmingly increased in diameter by approximately two inches!

My question is: Did I manage (whilst asleep) to walk to Hampstead Heath?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Auntie P.

I was trying to spice up sex with a partner as things were going stale. I suggested maybe a 3sum..

She suggested using dead gerbils..

Help!"

Report to the RSPCA, dead gerbils are for snakes not sexi times.

Then move house .... quickly

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Auntie P. When are people going to stop calling me a girl? I'm thirty fucking three. "

One of the mysteries that belongs to life. I reckon at your funeral. People are thick

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"Dear auntie P

This summer horn is doing my head in! I can only get it sated in a couple of weeks How will I survive?! "

Auntie S suggests wanking.

(wait. Not Auntie. Yuck)

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Auntie P.

I invented a great life hack by routing my headphone lead through my nipple ring. However it has now chafed but I am not sure if the buzzing interference in the headphones is worth losing the rather enjoyable sensation in my left nipple during workouts..

Any advice?"

Olive Oil as lube and when you get big guns you call yourself Popeye

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.


"Dear auntie P

This summer horn is doing my head in! I can only get it sated in a couple of weeks How will I survive?!

Auntie S suggests wanking.

(wait. Not Auntie. Yuck) "

Auntie M suggests reading some of your erotica. That'll sort you out in a jiffy.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Dear auntie P

This summer horn is doing my head in! I can only get it sated in a couple of weeks How will I survive?! "

Hibernation or castration. They're the ONLY 2 options.

*passes the Stanley blade

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"Auntie P. When are people going to stop calling me a girl? I'm thirty fucking three.

One of the mysteries that belongs to life. I reckon at your funeral. People are thick "

I'd start calling men boys but that has a racist overtone

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest


"Dear auntie P

This summer horn is doing my head in! I can only get it sated in a couple of weeks How will I survive?!

Hibernation or castration. They're the ONLY 2 options.

*passes the Stanley blade "

Runs for the hills

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Hey Aunty P ..I'm hanging at work (not literally lol) could do with your motivational speak.

My hands are firmly inside the rail..hit me up

You recreate Bs dancing energy and gusto. Not the dancing mind, just the energy

Grab yourself a share bag of maltesers at the next opportunity but don't share.

You fucking rebel

Smiling here as always at your wisdom...love it.

B does have energy galore...I could do with some of that..nice one

I need that energy tbf, I'd be knackered at work without it! When I have a day off it has to go somewhere...

In my honest opinion my dancing isn't too shabby (while no John Travolta, I managed to not get fired when I did it for a job at least) though I do appreciate that not every job approves of this...

Uncle B"

I like your energy, I like your energy very much indeed

It would be wasted energy if Anabelle danced her way through work, we're trying to get her to the end of the day, not just to the end of lunch

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ay4realstr8TV/TS
over a year ago

hoyland

Yay!!! My day has now brightened up mrs LEGEND has arrived

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Auntie P.

Why is my car telling me I need to put air in my tyres, but giving me readings in Kilopascals but all gauges use psi or bar as units of pressure?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Auntie P.

In the late 90s I was all for Britney in the Britney/Christina debate.

Now Britney is certified turbo mental can I switch sides without losing face or copious amounts of guilt and betrayal?"

Fuck yeah, unless you signed a contract.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Dear Auntie P,

Whilst out walking my trusty mutt last night I became aware of weird lights in the sky and a curious humming noise.

I next remember waking up somewhat disorientated and upon looking at my watch, found to my surprise that I had been ‘asleep’ for over two hours.

More disquieting however, I also noticed that my anus is somewhat sore and has alarmingly increased in diameter by approximately two inches!

My question is: Did I manage (whilst asleep) to walk to Hampstead Heath? "

Worse.... Wimbledon Common.

Give me back my wombles, they don't like it up yer bum

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Auntie P. When are people going to stop calling me a girl? I'm thirty fucking three.

One of the mysteries that belongs to life. I reckon at your funeral. People are thick

I'd start calling men boys but that has a racist overtone "

Spelled c u n t that works

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Yay!!! My day has now brightened up mrs LEGEND has arrived "

Light that bonfire and dance with me like the fireys from Labyrinth

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Auntie P.

Why is my car telling me I need to put air in my tyres, but giving me readings in Kilopascals but all gauges use psi or bar as units of pressure? "

Speak english fucknuts

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *rAngleseyMan
over a year ago

Anglesey

Dear Auntie P, Is it wrong to expose yourself to a blind person? (Mopery).

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ay4realstr8TV/TS
over a year ago

hoyland


"Yay!!! My day has now brightened up mrs LEGEND has arrived

Light that bonfire and dance with me like the fireys from Labyrinth "

OMG I LOVE THAT FILM! although they used to scare the crap outa me

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Am a submissive and in the last few weeks am meeting with a Mistress. And her rule no playing with my cock onless told.

Problem

A couple has asked me to clean. I think it's the male half. And he wants his cock sucked.

So I said I can dress clean and wank suck.

But I can't play with my cock.

But he not mail anymore

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…


"Dear Auntie P,

Whilst out walking my trusty mutt last night I became aware of weird lights in the sky and a curious humming noise.

I next remember waking up somewhat disorientated and upon looking at my watch, found to my surprise that I had been ‘asleep’ for over two hours.

More disquieting however, I also noticed that my anus is somewhat sore and has alarmingly increased in diameter by approximately two inches!

My question is: Did I manage (whilst asleep) to walk to Hampstead Heath?

Worse.... Wimbledon Common.

Give me back my wombles, they don't like it up yer bum "

Thanks Auntie P

I’ve had a dig around up there and managed to retrieve Great Uncle Bulgaria.

He explained to me that he innocently took a wrong turn and mistakingly thought that he’d discovered a new subterranean London tube system.

We both laughed as after all, it’s an all too common mistake that we all make from time to time....ahem...

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *izzymonkeyMan
over a year ago

Hiding In A Bush

Dear Aunty P,

If a man takes a pregnancy test and it comes back positive....what exactly does that mean??

.....just asking for a none FAB friend....

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Dear Auntie P, Is it wrong to expose yourself to a blind person? (Mopery)."

Yes, very wrong flashy mcflasherpants

Face the wall for the rest of the day

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Am a submissive and in the last few weeks am meeting with a Mistress. And her rule no playing with my cock onless told.

Problem

A couple has asked me to clean. I think it's the male half. And he wants his cock sucked.

So I said I can dress clean and wank suck.

But I can't play with my cock.

But he not mail anymore"

He femail now?

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Dear Auntie P,

Whilst out walking my trusty mutt last night I became aware of weird lights in the sky and a curious humming noise.

I next remember waking up somewhat disorientated and upon looking at my watch, found to my surprise that I had been ‘asleep’ for over two hours.

More disquieting however, I also noticed that my anus is somewhat sore and has alarmingly increased in diameter by approximately two inches!

My question is: Did I manage (whilst asleep) to walk to Hampstead Heath?

Worse.... Wimbledon Common.

Give me back my wombles, they don't like it up yer bum

Thanks Auntie P

I’ve had a dig around up there and managed to retrieve Great Uncle Bulgaria.

He explained to me that he innocently took a wrong turn and mistakingly thought that he’d discovered a new subterranean London tube system.

We both laughed as after all, it’s an all too common mistake that we all make from time to time....ahem...

"

Phew! All's well that ends well! Ease up on the sambucca next time eh

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Dear Aunty P,

If a man takes a pregnancy test and it comes back positive....what exactly does that mean??

.....just asking for a none FAB friend.... "

It means he should go see his doctor as it can indicate issues that aren't yet discovered.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *izzymonkeyMan
over a year ago

Hiding In A Bush


"Dear Aunty P,

If a man takes a pregnancy test and it comes back positive....what exactly does that mean??

.....just asking for a none FAB friend....

It means he should go see his doctor as it can indicate issues that aren't yet discovered."

I'm on it.....I mean I'll tell them your sage advice...

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Auntie P.

It's that time of year at work when I have to write annual appraisals for my staff. I want to write retarded cockwomble but they might take offence. Any suggestions on suitable alternatives?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ust ClareTV/TS
over a year ago

Settlewick!

Dear Auntie P

I told my boss to shove her job last week and now I have to decorate the house in my "free time"

Should I ask for my job back or get the brushes out?

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Auntie P.

It's that time of year at work when I have to write annual appraisals for my staff. I want to write retarded cockwomble but they might take offence. Any suggestions on suitable alternatives?"

Eeewwwwww.

Let them do the work. Self appraisal.

Each time they're off the mark let off an air horn until they finally start admitting they'd be better off being replaced by octupiii

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Dear Auntie P

I told my boss to shove her job last week and now I have to decorate the house in my "free time"

Should I ask for my job back or get the brushes out?

"

You get the brushes out and paint cunt on the side of her car

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *izzymonkeyMan
over a year ago

Hiding In A Bush

Dear Aunty P,

Why is my penis such a dick???

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *ust ClareTV/TS
over a year ago

Settlewick!


"Dear Auntie P

I told my boss to shove her job last week and now I have to decorate the house in my "free time"

Should I ask for my job back or get the brushes out?

You get the brushes out and paint cunt on the side of her car "

Lol, the two birds ,one stone solution

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Dear Aunty P,

Why is my penis such a dick???

"

In the genes

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Dear Auntie P

I told my boss to shove her job last week and now I have to decorate the house in my "free time"

Should I ask for my job back or get the brushes out?

You get the brushes out and paint cunt on the side of her car

Lol, the two birds ,one stone solution "

Or you could steal her identity- you don't just get your job back, you take hers!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Auntie P.

My gf and I are looking at getting a dog.. however she told me she is allergic to them and needs antihistamines to stop her breaking out in hives.

Should we not get a dog, or should I just get a better gf who isn't allergic to them?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *izzymonkeyMan
over a year ago

Hiding In A Bush

Aunty P,

A friend was talking me the other day that they thought Justin Bieber was a modern day Michael Jackson.....does this mean he will slowly transform into an old black woman before he dies from an overdose??

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

Dear Auntie P,

Good news; I’ve just got a date with the new Dr Who but am a little worried in that someone told me that female Timelords have two vaginas as well as two hearts(!)

If this indeed be the case, I’ve only got one nob so would it be acceptable sexual etiquette to slip one of my balls into her other vag gee gee at the same time? (my hands will be on both of her boobs obviously)

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Auntie P.

Kardashian's.

Why? Just why?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Auntie P.

Where does your lap go when you stand up?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Auntie P.

My gf and I are looking at getting a dog.. however she told me she is allergic to them and needs antihistamines to stop her breaking out in hives.

Should we not get a dog, or should I just get a better gf who isn't allergic to them?"

Bichon frisè or poodle if you want the best of both, other than that... new gf. No brainer

You're welcome.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *urls and DressesWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere near here

Dear Auntie P

Kids go back to school tomorrow, fussy eldest one needs pack ups. What on earth shall I put in it for him?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ust ClareTV/TS
over a year ago

Settlewick!


"Dear Auntie P

I told my boss to shove her job last week and now I have to decorate the house in my "free time"

Should I ask for my job back or get the brushes out?

You get the brushes out and paint cunt on the side of her car

Lol, the two birds ,one stone solution

Or you could steal her identity- you don't just get your job back, you take hers! "

It's a thought but everyone would question how she suddenly became more ladylike

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Aunty P,

A friend was talking me the other day that they thought Justin Bieber was a modern day Michael Jackson.....does this mean he will slowly transform into an old black woman before he dies from an overdose?? "

I think your friend had ingested something that didn't agree with them.

Isn't it obvious Bieber and Miley Cyrus are the same person?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Dear Auntie P,

Good news; I’ve just got a date with the new Dr Who but am a little worried in that someone told me that female Timelords have two vaginas as well as two hearts(!)

If this indeed be the case, I’ve only got one nob so would it be acceptable sexual etiquette to slip one of my balls into her other vag gee gee at the same time? (my hands will be on both of her boobs obviously) "

Balls? Just use your foot

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Auntie P.

Kardashian's.

Why? Just why?"

I've no idea. I also couldn't pick one from a police line up and I want to keep it that way.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Auntie P.

Where does your lap go when you stand up?"

Don't matter, it comes back when you land and that's all that counts

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Dear Auntie P

Kids go back to school tomorrow, fussy eldest one needs pack ups. What on earth shall I put in it for him?"

Freak him the fuck out and put stationary in it. Chuck a chicken and bacon wrap in his pencil case. That'll keep him on his toes

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…


"Auntie P.

Where does your lap go when you stand up?"

I heard they go to the fabled, Lapland.

See what I did there?

....Ok....I’m leaving now

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *izzymonkeyMan
over a year ago

Hiding In A Bush

Aunty P,

Please advise me just what a fox is??

Is it cat in a ginger dog outfit?

Is a ginger dog that wants to species-gender into a cat, kind of half way through the change?

Is it actually a robot cat that's been hacked to run on doggie 2.3 software???

I'm just so confused!!!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…


"Dear Auntie P,

Good news; I’ve just got a date with the new Dr Who but am a little worried in that someone told me that female Timelords have two vaginas as well as two hearts(!)

If this indeed be the case, I’ve only got one nob so would it be acceptable sexual etiquette to slip one of my balls into her other vag gee gee at the same time? (my hands will be on both of her boobs obviously)

Balls? Just use your foot "

Thanks again Auntie P

Update: The resulting orgasm I gave her following your sagacious advice was so powerful that she has spontaneously regenerated(!!!)

......into a man.......in who’s arsehole my foot is now deeply imbedded....

On the bright side though, I can at least now be listed as the very first companion in the history of the show to be actually surgically conjoined with the eponymous Timelord so I’m really rather chuffed in fact

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Auntie P.

Where does your lap go when you stand up?

I heard they go to the fabled, Lapland.

See what I did there?

....Ok....I’m leaving now "

We had the same thinking process. You're a little spesh too

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Dear Auntie P

I told my boss to shove her job last week and now I have to decorate the house in my "free time"

Should I ask for my job back or get the brushes out?

You get the brushes out and paint cunt on the side of her car

Lol, the two birds ,one stone solution

Or you could steal her identity- you don't just get your job back, you take hers!

It's a thought but everyone would question how she suddenly became more ladylike "

Mwahahahaha

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ohhh new photo ideas would be great! I love suggestions! X

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Aunty P,

Please advise me just what a fox is??

Is it cat in a ginger dog outfit?

Is a ginger dog that wants to species-gender into a cat, kind of half way through the change?

Is it actually a robot cat that's been hacked to run on doggie 2.3 software???

I'm just so confused!!! "

Take a breath and focus your attention on scented candles. I want you to sniff test, I want you to burn time test.

Send me the good ones.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Dear Auntie P,

Good news; I’ve just got a date with the new Dr Who but am a little worried in that someone told me that female Timelords have two vaginas as well as two hearts(!)

If this indeed be the case, I’ve only got one nob so would it be acceptable sexual etiquette to slip one of my balls into her other vag gee gee at the same time? (my hands will be on both of her boobs obviously)

Balls? Just use your foot

Thanks again Auntie P

Update: The resulting orgasm I gave her following your sagacious advice was so powerful that she has spontaneously regenerated(!!!)

......into a man.......in who’s arsehole my foot is now deeply imbedded....

On the bright side though, I can at least now be listed as the very first companion in the history of the show to be actually surgically conjoined with the eponymous Timelord so I’m really rather chuffed in fact "

Huzzah and winning at life

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Ohhh new photo ideas would be great! I love suggestions! X"

Sat on a rocking horse dressed as Woody

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *izzymonkeyMan
over a year ago

Hiding In A Bush


"

Take a breath and focus your attention on scented candles. I want you to sniff test, I want you to burn time test.

Send me the good ones."

I've already done this Aunty P to calm my palpitations....

I recommend Home Bargains....

Pink Rhubarb & Pear = Amazing

Vanilla Sugar Cookie = Fresh

Sea Salt and Cotton = Homely

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

Take a breath and focus your attention on scented candles. I want you to sniff test, I want you to burn time test.

Send me the good ones.

I've already done this Aunty P to calm my palpitations....

I recommend Home Bargains....

Pink Rhubarb & Pear = Amazing

Vanilla Sugar Cookie = Fresh

Sea Salt and Cotton = Homely

"

Ooooooo nice

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster


"

Take a breath and focus your attention on scented candles. I want you to sniff test, I want you to burn time test.

Send me the good ones.

I've already done this Aunty P to calm my palpitations....

I recommend Home Bargains....

Pink Rhubarb & Pear = Amazing

Vanilla Sugar Cookie = Fresh

Sea Salt and Cotton = Homely

Ooooooo nice "

There is also a new yankee candle scent.

Ron Jeremy's tache.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

Take a breath and focus your attention on scented candles. I want you to sniff test, I want you to burn time test.

Send me the good ones.

I've already done this Aunty P to calm my palpitations....

I recommend Home Bargains....

Pink Rhubarb & Pear = Amazing

Vanilla Sugar Cookie = Fresh

Sea Salt and Cotton = Homely

Ooooooo nice

There is also a new yankee candle scent.

Ron Jeremy's tache.

"

Smells like sweat, sin and genital juice

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…


"

Take a breath and focus your attention on scented candles. I want you to sniff test, I want you to burn time test.

Send me the good ones.

I've already done this Aunty P to calm my palpitations....

I recommend Home Bargains....

Pink Rhubarb & Pear = Amazing

Vanilla Sugar Cookie = Fresh

Sea Salt and Cotton = Homely

Ooooooo nice

There is also a new yankee candle scent.

Ron Jeremy's tache.

"

Smells a bit fishy so I heard....

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Auntie P.

My phone keeps auto correcting "Snog" to "Song"

Now I have meets arranged and they are expecting a serenade!

I've heard myself sing. I sound like Alan Carr on crack at a Guns n Roses karaoke. I think this may ruin my chances of naked athletics... help!!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Auntie P.

My phone keeps auto correcting "Snog" to "Song"

Now I have meets arranged and they are expecting a serenade!

I've heard myself sing. I sound like Alan Carr on crack at a Guns n Roses karaoke. I think this may ruin my chances of naked athletics... help!!"

Persuade Ed Sheeran to do the music bit, whilst you present them with flowers, krispy kreme donuts, and a meeting of lips

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Auntie P.

After 2 months in america I am managing to lose the couple of kilos I put on due to their shit food..

But now i am craving carbs like fuck. I am only allowing 2 meal ls with limited carbs per week...

Help!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Auntie P.

After 2 months in america I am managing to lose the couple of kilos I put on due to their shit food..

But now i am craving carbs like fuck. I am only allowing 2 meal ls with limited carbs per week...

Help!"

Pretend carbs has been misspelled and they're actually pube crabs. Still craving them?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

Bookmarking this to enjoy later! Whooooo love the advice line x

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38


"Hey Aunty P ..I'm hanging at work (not literally lol) could do with your motivational speak.

My hands are firmly inside the rail..hit me up

You recreate Bs dancing energy and gusto. Not the dancing mind, just the energy

Grab yourself a share bag of maltesers at the next opportunity but don't share.

You fucking rebel

Smiling here as always at your wisdom...love it.

B does have energy galore...I could do with some of that..nice one

I need that energy tbf, I'd be knackered at work without it! When I have a day off it has to go somewhere...

In my honest opinion my dancing isn't too shabby (while no John Travolta, I managed to not get fired when I did it for a job at least) though I do appreciate that not every job approves of this...

Uncle B"

From the moves I saw you they are not to shabby at all..

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I quite fancy buying a cast iron skillet......but a good one is quite expensive.

I'd make good use of it, and it'll probably last a life time.....should I spend the money or make do without?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Bookmarking this to enjoy later! Whooooo love the advice line x"

I apologise for being lack lustre today, I thought it would be a good idea to put Queer Eye on the telly box to drift off to sleep to having never watched an episode before. Let's just say I was still watching at 4am and thoroughly addicted

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *izzymonkeyMan
over a year ago

Hiding In A Bush

Sorry to call on you again Aunty P,

Can you settle an argument between me and nerdy Dave from Accounts....

Can Wolverine be circumcised or not, due to his regenerative powers??

....and not Hugh Jackman....

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I quite fancy buying a cast iron skillet......but a good one is quite expensive.

I'd make good use of it, and it'll probably last a life time.....should I spend the money or make do without?"

If you can afford it do it. You can't take either with you when you die but you can enjoy a decent meal whilst alive

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Sorry to call on you again Aunty P,

Can you settle an argument between me and nerdy Dave from Accounts....

Can Wolverine be circumcised or not, due to his regenerative powers??

....and not Hugh Jackman.... "

I pity the fool who'd be stupid enough to try it.

The answer is no. Big fat fucking no

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *izzymonkeyMan
over a year ago

Hiding In A Bush

Aunty P,

Speaking of "Pittying the fool"

Was Mr T's supposed fear of planes/flying all a ruse?? Just so that he could be given Dr*gs? Because he was a massive addict who loved getting off his tits??

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Aunty P,

Speaking of "Pittying the fool"

Was Mr T's supposed fear of planes/flying all a ruse?? Just so that he could be given Dr*gs? Because he was a massive addict who loved getting off his tits?? "

He was one of those peeps who'd do anything for a nice nap.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Dear Auntie P,

Apart from dismissal, deleting or blocking, what's a suitable way to treat people who say I'm too ugly for Fab?

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Dear Auntie P,

Apart from dismissal, deleting or blocking, what's a suitable way to treat people who say I'm too ugly for Fab? "

Send them to mine for a right good kick in the balls.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Auntie P.

Inwas having a fucking great friday, until I realised it was only tuesday.. what the actual fuck?

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *izzymonkeyMan
over a year ago

Hiding In A Bush


"Dear Auntie P,

Apart from dismissal, deleting or blocking, what's a suitable way to treat people who say I'm too ugly for Fab? "

sit on his face and tell the bastard to lie....I presume it was Pinocchio that said above mentioned comment....

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Auntie P.

Inwas having a fucking great friday, until I realised it was only tuesday.. what the actual fuck?"

Better than when you wake up thinking it's your day off when it isn't.

Least it means next Monday is further away

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Hey Aunty P ..I'm hanging at work (not literally lol) could do with your motivational speak.

My hands are firmly inside the rail..hit me up

You recreate Bs dancing energy and gusto. Not the dancing mind, just the energy

Grab yourself a share bag of maltesers at the next opportunity but don't share.

You fucking rebel

Smiling here as always at your wisdom...love it.

B does have energy galore...I could do with some of that..nice one

I need that energy tbf, I'd be knackered at work without it! When I have a day off it has to go somewhere...

In my honest opinion my dancing isn't too shabby (while no John Travolta, I managed to not get fired when I did it for a job at least) though I do appreciate that not every job approves of this...

Uncle B

From the moves I saw you they are not to shabby at all.. "

Aw, why thank you dear lady!

Uncle B

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 03/09/19 15:44:29]

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Auntie P.

After 2 months in america I am managing to lose the couple of kilos I put on due to their shit food..

But now i am craving carbs like fuck. I am only allowing 2 meal ls with limited carbs per week...

Help!"

Auntie P has had to take a piss break in line with current EU regulations (so when we leave it she'll simply have to cross her legs and type whilst biting down on her lip; Yeah thanks for THAT Boris!)

But Uncle B here to cover her with an off tangent bit of advice to the deeply troubled gentleman indeed above; in America they also have lots of salad bars opening up and becoming more popular, next time in the States hit them on the evening and save your carb intakes at Emporiums such as Big Tony's Wafflehouse in Syrup Ocean for morning and lunchtime.

Bit too serious for this thread, that. Oh well, I can hear those trademark last few drips from behind the bathroom door (where I've been with a glass pressed against it) so Auntie P will therefore be back to answer your gut wrenching woes again very shortly....

Uncle B

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Auntie P.

If 2 people on opposite sides of the works drop a slice of bread at exactly the same time, does the world briefly become a sandwich?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Auntie P.

If 2 people on opposite sides of the works drop a slice of bread at exactly the same time, does the world briefly become a sandwich?"

On opposite sides of the world too

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do u want a go on my new stannar stair lift?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *rivateparts!Man
over a year ago

Walking down the only road I've ever known!

Auntie P.

I'm being bullied by 2 ladies what should I do to rectify this problem?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster


"Auntie P.

If 2 people on opposite sides of the works drop a slice of bread at exactly the same time, does the world briefly become a sandwich?

On opposite sides of the world too "

Fucking autocarrot.. going for a snog..

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *izzymonkeyMan
over a year ago

Hiding In A Bush

Aunty P/Uncle B,

I am becoming increasing obsessed with Ryan Reynolds lately, I think I love him, I'm as straight as owt and have no homoerotic thoughts at all.....but lately I feel if I watch another one of his films I'm going to turn into a full blown stark raving homosexual with all the bells and whistles......is there some underlying tendencies suppressed in me.....or is it just completely natural with his handsome face, quick witted humour, chiseled 6 pack and Canadian charm....he's do magnetic and dreamy.....

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Do u want a go on my new stannar stair lift?"

Are there sweets on it? I want it to pause on every step and supply a bag of drumstick squashies

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Auntie P.

I'm being bullied by 2 ladies what should I do to rectify this problem?"

Send them to me for a swift cunt kicking.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Auntie P.

If 2 people on opposite sides of the works drop a slice of bread at exactly the same time, does the world briefly become a sandwich?

On opposite sides of the world too

Fucking autocarrot.. going for a snog.. "

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *aughtyNipplesWoman
over a year ago

newport, shrops


"Aunty P/Uncle B,

I am becoming increasing obsessed with Ryan Reynolds lately, I think I love him, I'm as straight as owt and have no homoerotic thoughts at all.....but lately I feel if I watch another one of his films I'm going to turn into a full blown stark raving homosexual with all the bells and whistles......is there some underlying tendencies suppressed in me.....or is it just completely natural with his handsome face, quick witted humour, chiseled 6 pack and Canadian charm....he's do magnetic and dreamy..... "

Does your boyfriend Nigel (M) know???

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Aunty P/Uncle B,

I am becoming increasing obsessed with Ryan Reynolds lately, I think I love him, I'm as straight as owt and have no homoerotic thoughts at all.....but lately I feel if I watch another one of his films I'm going to turn into a full blown stark raving homosexual with all the bells and whistles......is there some underlying tendencies suppressed in me.....or is it just completely natural with his handsome face, quick witted humour, chiseled 6 pack and Canadian charm....he's do magnetic and dreamy..... "

There needs to be a new label for this phenomenon, as many are gripped by him.

Twas Deadpool that did it

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *aughtyNipplesWoman
over a year ago

newport, shrops


"Aunty P/Uncle B,

I am becoming increasing obsessed with Ryan Reynolds lately, I think I love him, I'm as straight as owt and have no homoerotic thoughts at all.....but lately I feel if I watch another one of his films I'm going to turn into a full blown stark raving homosexual with all the bells and whistles......is there some underlying tendencies suppressed in me.....or is it just completely natural with his handsome face, quick witted humour, chiseled 6 pack and Canadian charm....he's do magnetic and dreamy..... "

Just because he is on holiday and you go round having wet dreams for Deadpool

... actually so would I......

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *aughtyNipplesWoman
over a year ago

newport, shrops


"Aunty P/Uncle B,

I am becoming increasing obsessed with Ryan Reynolds lately, I think I love him, I'm as straight as owt and have no homoerotic thoughts at all.....but lately I feel if I watch another one of his films I'm going to turn into a full blown stark raving homosexual with all the bells and whistles......is there some underlying tendencies suppressed in me.....or is it just completely natural with his handsome face, quick witted humour, chiseled 6 pack and Canadian charm....he's do magnetic and dreamy.....

There needs to be a new label for this phenomenon, as many are gripped by him.

Twas Deadpool that did it "

Damn right it was

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Do u want a go on my new stannar stair lift?

Are there sweets on it? I want it to pause on every step and supply a bag of drumstick squashies "

uninvited now stopping and starting costs money do u not know me

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Aunty P/Uncle B,

I am becoming increasing obsessed with Ryan Reynolds lately, I think I love him, I'm as straight as owt and have no homoerotic thoughts at all.....but lately I feel if I watch another one of his films I'm going to turn into a full blown stark raving homosexual with all the bells and whistles......is there some underlying tendencies suppressed in me.....or is it just completely natural with his handsome face, quick witted humour, chiseled 6 pack and Canadian charm....he's do magnetic and dreamy.....

There needs to be a new label for this phenomenon, as many are gripped by him.

Twas Deadpool that did it

Damn right it was "

Makes my poonani pulse

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Do u want a go on my new stannar stair lift?

Are there sweets on it? I want it to pause on every step and supply a bag of drumstick squashies uninvited now stopping and starting costs money do u not know me "

#proudcheapskate

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *aughtyNipplesWoman
over a year ago

newport, shrops


"Aunty P/Uncle B,

I am becoming increasing obsessed with Ryan Reynolds lately, I think I love him, I'm as straight as owt and have no homoerotic thoughts at all.....but lately I feel if I watch another one of his films I'm going to turn into a full blown stark raving homosexual with all the bells and whistles......is there some underlying tendencies suppressed in me.....or is it just completely natural with his handsome face, quick witted humour, chiseled 6 pack and Canadian charm....he's do magnetic and dreamy.....

There needs to be a new label for this phenomenon, as many are gripped by him.

Twas Deadpool that did it

Damn right it was

Makes my poonani pulse "

Hmm love a good FannyFlutter ha ha

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Aunty P/Uncle B,

I am becoming increasing obsessed with Ryan Reynolds lately, I think I love him, I'm as straight as owt and have no homoerotic thoughts at all.....but lately I feel if I watch another one of his films I'm going to turn into a full blown stark raving homosexual with all the bells and whistles......is there some underlying tendencies suppressed in me.....or is it just completely natural with his handsome face, quick witted humour, chiseled 6 pack and Canadian charm....he's do magnetic and dreamy.....

There needs to be a new label for this phenomenon, as many are gripped by him.

Twas Deadpool that did it

Damn right it was

Makes my poonani pulse

Hmm love a good FannyFlutter ha ha "

Fandango tango. Oooft

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *aughtyNipplesWoman
over a year ago

newport, shrops


"Aunty P/Uncle B,

I am becoming increasing obsessed with Ryan Reynolds lately, I think I love him, I'm as straight as owt and have no homoerotic thoughts at all.....but lately I feel if I watch another one of his films I'm going to turn into a full blown stark raving homosexual with all the bells and whistles......is there some underlying tendencies suppressed in me.....or is it just completely natural with his handsome face, quick witted humour, chiseled 6 pack and Canadian charm....he's do magnetic and dreamy.....

There needs to be a new label for this phenomenon, as many are gripped by him.

Twas Deadpool that did it

Damn right it was

Makes my poonani pulse

Hmm love a good FannyFlutter ha ha

Fandango tango. Oooft "

Oh how that hunk of a man sends my 'twat a twitching'

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Auntie P.

Currently having a clear out. Do I need the 7 micro USB cables in my man drawer?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Auntie P.

Currently having a clear out. Do I need the 7 micro USB cables in my man drawer?"

You stolen them off snow whites mates?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *izzymonkeyMan
over a year ago

Hiding In A Bush

Aunty P,

Why is it weird if a man or woman were to shout out across the street...."Oi, anyone Fancy a Fuck??"...

...yet the bastard birds in the tree outside my window, and everywhere else for that matter, do it all day long and nobody even cares or bats an eyelid???

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Aunty P,

Why is it weird if a man or woman were to shout out across the street...."Oi, anyone Fancy a Fuck??"...

...yet the bastard birds in the tree outside my window, and everywhere else for that matter, do it all day long and nobody even cares or bats an eyelid??? "

Birdsong is a beautiful thing, as can be the wooing of humans, if they do it all lush like.

Air rifle.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Auntie P

I read an article recently on guaranteed pick up techniques. Number 4 was "impress her with your willycopter"

I'm now sat waiting for my solicitor. What did i do wrong? I followed the instructions precisely.. it had rhythm and momentum.. no floppiness.

Some women just cant take a joke.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Auntie P

I read an article recently on guaranteed pick up techniques. Number 4 was "impress her with your willycopter"

I'm now sat waiting for my solicitor. What did i do wrong? I followed the instructions precisely.. it had rhythm and momentum.. no floppiness.

Some women just cant take a joke."

You doofus, you DO need the flop when perfecting that manoeuvre!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Auntie P

I read an article recently on guaranteed pick up techniques. Number 4 was "impress her with your willycopter"

I'm now sat waiting for my solicitor. What did i do wrong? I followed the instructions precisely.. it had rhythm and momentum.. no floppiness.

Some women just cant take a joke.

You doofus, you DO need the flop when perfecting that manoeuvre!"

To make just one SLIGHT adjustment to that technique my love and Auntie to the Anguished, as this particular problem alerted me from completing the world's hardest crossword - (Hmmmm, Embrace, 3 letters...I'll come back to that one...) I personally think it would be best to perform that manoeuvre whilst on the flop, repeatedly orbit your schlong until it slows to a halt and "Hey Presto!" it's hard!

Now THAT's a party trick! With an announcement of "And the chopper is AIRBORNE!" at the astounding conclusion?

Uncle B

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Auntie P.

If we have fingertips but not toe tips, why can we tiptoe but not tipfinger?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Auntie P

I read an article recently on guaranteed pick up techniques. Number 4 was "impress her with your willycopter"

I'm now sat waiting for my solicitor. What did i do wrong? I followed the instructions precisely.. it had rhythm and momentum.. no floppiness.

Some women just cant take a joke.

You doofus, you DO need the flop when perfecting that manoeuvre!

To make just one SLIGHT adjustment to that technique my love and Auntie to the Anguished, as this particular problem alerted me from completing the world's hardest crossword - (Hmmmm, Embrace, 3 letters...I'll come back to that one...) I personally think it would be best to perform that manoeuvre whilst on the flop, repeatedly orbit your schlong until it slows to a halt and "Hey Presto!" it's hard!

Now THAT's a party trick! With an announcement of "And the chopper is AIRBORNE!" at the astounding conclusion?

Uncle B"

That's a doozie. Hub?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Auntie P.

If we have fingertips but not toe tips, why can we tiptoe but not tipfinger?"

You can use your fingers as a ray gun peown peown, that's all that matters

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *izzymonkeyMan
over a year ago

Hiding In A Bush

Dear Aunty P,

I've just got home to some bad news, Dentist letter in today's post!!

The problem I face is that Dentists make money from our bad teeth and tell us to brush more etc.

But then the toothpaste states that "9 out of 10 dentists recommend" said toothpaste....how can I trust either??

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Dear Aunty P,

I've just got home to some bad news, Dentist letter in today's post!!

The problem I face is that Dentists make money from our bad teeth and tell us to brush more etc.

But then the toothpaste states that "9 out of 10 dentists recommend" said toothpaste....how can I trust either?? "

You can't. They're robbing bastards.

On a side note, if there are any lovely dental peeps who would like to sort my bexleys out and get them white and straight then hit me up buttercup. I don't want full on Rylan but a good 50% will do

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *izzymonkeyMan
over a year ago

Hiding In A Bush


"

On a side note, if there are any lovely dental peeps who would like to sort my bexleys out and get them white and straight then hit me up buttercup. I don't want full on Rylan but a good 50% will do "

.....nicccceeee turn on the shameless promotion there...

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

On a side note, if there are any lovely dental peeps who would like to sort my bexleys out and get them white and straight then hit me up buttercup. I don't want full on Rylan but a good 50% will do

.....nicccceeee turn on the shameless promotion there... "

Well ya know, can't hurt to talk to people in the know

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *hoenixAdAstraWoman
over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows

Dear Auntie P

Is it OK to use Febreeze airfreshener instead of a deodorant.

It smells nice, I'm just concerned about the health aspect

Asking for a confused teenager

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Dear Auntie P

Is it OK to use Febreeze airfreshener instead of a deodorant.

It smells nice, I'm just concerned about the health aspect

Asking for a confused teenager "

Now this IS a conundrum

I'll go with yes for now. Chemical burns or B.O can be dealt with later

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *hoenixAdAstraWoman
over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows


"Dear Auntie P

Is it OK to use Febreeze airfreshener instead of a deodorant.

It smells nice, I'm just concerned about the health aspect

Asking for a confused teenager

Now this IS a conundrum

I'll go with yes for now. Chemical burns or B.O can be dealt with later "

I wish the other teen had used it to Tbh

Hormonal boy is not a good smell in an enclosed space, for 5hrs

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ed-monkeyCouple
over a year ago

Hailsham


"Dear Auntie P

Is it OK to use Febreeze airfreshener instead of a deodorant.

It smells nice, I'm just concerned about the health aspect

Asking for a confused teenager

Now this IS a conundrum

I'll go with yes for now. Chemical burns or B.O can be dealt with later

I wish the other teen had used it to Tbh

Hormonal boy is not a good smell in an enclosed space, for 5hrs "

Isn't Hormonal Boy the new fragrance by Marc Jacobs??

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Dear Auntie P

Is it OK to use Febreeze airfreshener instead of a deodorant.

It smells nice, I'm just concerned about the health aspect

Asking for a confused teenager

Now this IS a conundrum

I'll go with yes for now. Chemical burns or B.O can be dealt with later

I wish the other teen had used it to Tbh

Hormonal boy is not a good smell in an enclosed space, for 5hrs

Isn't Hormonal Boy the new fragrance by Marc Jacobs??"

La feeties ans la grime

I don't miss it one iota. Sweat and despair

 (closed, thread got too big)

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