FabSwingers.com forum: Labels do not devalue us, they help define us

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Would you agree or disagree with the above?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All I want is to get sucked

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

I think some labels are necessary so that's theres something to go on. but I don't like derogatory labels..I'm a mature woman and I have no problem with that label.

A label I would find offensive is that of

queer when used to describe a gay person

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By *orenzoVonMatterhornMan
over a year ago

Lincoln

"Would you agree or disagree with the above?"

To a degree. Some labels are helpful but a lot can be unnecessary and just plain hurtful or harmful, depending on the person and label.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Labels are necessary evils. Esp on a site like this...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think some labels are necessary so that's theres something to go on. but I don't like derogatory labels..I'm a mature woman and I have no problem with that label.

A label I would find offensive is that of

queer when used to describe a gay person"

Yes but there are people who use the queer label to define themselves.

So are they offensive or is our society making it offensive?

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

"I think some labels are necessary so that's theres something to go on. but I don't like derogatory labels..I'm a mature woman and I have no problem with that label.

A label I would find offensive is that of

queer when used to describe a gay person

Yes but there are people who use the queer label to define themselves.

So are they offensive or is our society making it offensive?

people can describe themselves anyway they like..for me it's if someone else is using it in a negative way that I don't like

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think a bit of both, labels help us identify with others, a common factor or whatever.

They also do the opposite, we sometimes put people in boxes and then fail to see the other parts of them.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think some labels are necessary so that's theres something to go on. but I don't like derogatory labels..I'm a mature woman and I have no problem with that label.

A label I would find offensive is that of

queer when used to describe a gay person

Yes but there are people who use the queer label to define themselves.

So are they offensive or is our society making it offensive?

people can describe themselves anyway they like..for me it's if someone else is using it in a negative way that I don't like"

So it's not the label but how it's used?

What would you define as negative use?

For example, if one male friend opens the door for another and says "ladies first" and they both laugh about it.

Would you define that we negative?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think a bit of both, labels help us identify with others, a common factor or whatever.

They also do the opposite, we sometimes put people in boxes and then fail to see the other parts of them. "

That is also how I see it, you vs. them mentality.

The thread title is a quote from love has no labels video, and it does say regardless of the label still love one another.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everything in life is labelled, I'm happy and have absolutely no problems with them at all!! But like anything that is used rudely or in a derogatory manner then it is unecessary in my life!

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

"I think some labels are necessary so that's theres something to go on. but I don't like derogatory labels..I'm a mature woman and I have no problem with that label.

A label I would find offensive is that of

queer when used to describe a gay person

Yes but there are people who use the queer label to define themselves.

So are they offensive or is our society making it offensive?

people can describe themselves anyway they like..for me it's if someone else is using it in a negative way that I don't like

So it's not the label but how it's used?

What would you define as negative use?

For example, if one male friend opens the door for another and says "ladies first" and they both laugh about it.

Would you define that we negative?"

a joke between friends is just that a joke. But yes, my distaste of labels is down to how they have previously been used.

Nigger, another one..ok when said to each other my nigger for example but in general use it is very often meant with bad intent.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think some labels are necessary so that's theres something to go on. but I don't like derogatory labels..I'm a mature woman and I have no problem with that label.

A label I would find offensive is that of

queer when used to describe a gay person

Yes but there are people who use the queer label to define themselves.

So are they offensive or is our society making it offensive?

people can describe themselves anyway they like..for me it's if someone else is using it in a negative way that I don't like

So it's not the label but how it's used?

What would you define as negative use?

For example, if one male friend opens the door for another and says "ladies first" and they both laugh about it.

Would you define that we negative?

a joke between friends is just that a joke. But yes, my distaste of labels is down to how they have previously been used.

Nigger, another one..ok when said to each other my nigger for example but in general use it is very often meant with bad intent."

Would you say there is a label that cannot be used a joke between friends (assuming there was no malicious intent behind it)?

If so which one, and why?

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

Labels can help you connect to the right people for certain aspects of your life, ie sexual preference

However, outside of this they can also stop you getting to know a certain type of person

We aren’t labels we are human beings and everyone deserves to be treated equally

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

I think labels can be helpful but shouldn't be forced upon people. Some people care too much about how other people define themselves.

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

"I think some labels are necessary so that's theres something to go on. but I don't like derogatory labels..I'm a mature woman and I have no problem with that label.

A label I would find offensive is that of

queer when used to describe a gay person

Yes but there are people who use the queer label to define themselves.

So are they offensive or is our society making it offensive?

people can describe themselves anyway they like..for me it's if someone else is using it in a negative way that I don't like

So it's not the label but how it's used?

What would you define as negative use?

For example, if one male friend opens the door for another and says "ladies first" and they both laugh about it.

Would you define that we negative?

a joke between friends is just that a joke. But yes, my distaste of labels is down to how they have previously been used.

Nigger, another one..ok when said to each other my nigger for example but in general use it is very often meant with bad intent.

Would you say there is a label that cannot be used a joke between friends (assuming there was no malicious intent behind it)?

If so which one, and why?"

I'm sure there would be yes, depending on the friend their sense of humour and life experiences

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Labels can help you connect to the right people for certain aspects of your life, ie sexual preference

However, outside of this they can also stop you getting to know a certain type of person

We aren’t labels we are human beings and everyone deserves to be treated equally"

Being treated equally is often unfair as we are not born equal. But yes, depending on how you've been raised labels can stop you from meeting other people, which is a shame.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I think labels can be a good starting point. I'm a woman. What does it mean to be a woman? Sort of thing. You can find commonality and difference that way.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"Labels can help you connect to the right people for certain aspects of your life, ie sexual preference

However, outside of this they can also stop you getting to know a certain type of person

We aren’t labels we are human beings and everyone deserves to be treated equally

Being treated equally is often unfair as we are not born equal. But yes, depending on how you've been raised labels can stop you from meeting other people, which is a shame."

As they say, if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree..

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

what are your thoughts on the subject OP?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think labels can be a good starting point. I'm a woman. What does it mean to be a woman? Sort of thing. You can find commonality and difference that way. "

True, everyone will have a different definition of a woman, ranging from different culture and subcultures.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Labels can help you connect to the right people for certain aspects of your life, ie sexual preference

However, outside of this they can also stop you getting to know a certain type of person

We aren’t labels we are human beings and everyone deserves to be treated equally

Being treated equally is often unfair as we are not born equal. But yes, depending on how you've been raised labels can stop you from meeting other people, which is a shame.

As they say, if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree.."

Exactly.

If you give a blind person and a person with 20/20 vision a pen and paper and ask them to write a horror story, it's not exactly fair, even though they've been treated equally.

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By *omaMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

Labels?

I'm sure there are more important things in life to worry or get upset about.

Or are these "labels" ,as are now commonly condemned, just another example of today's "I Am A Victim" society?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They can be used in more expansive ways though ... ie I'm a woman = lable

Or I'm a tall slimish brunette woman = expansive labelling

Shouldn't sexually just be a more expansive form of labelling? In a society where people are actually talking (face to face) less and less then, unfortunately, labels will seem to be used more

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

"Labels can help you connect to the right people for certain aspects of your life, ie sexual preference

However, outside of this they can also stop you getting to know a certain type of person

We aren’t labels we are human beings and everyone deserves to be treated equally

Being treated equally is often unfair as we are not born equal. But yes, depending on how you've been raised labels can stop you from meeting other people, which is a shame.

As they say, if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree.."

I've only just understood that analogy

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

"Labels can help you connect to the right people for certain aspects of your life, ie sexual preference

However, outside of this they can also stop you getting to know a certain type of person

We aren’t labels we are human beings and everyone deserves to be treated equally

Being treated equally is often unfair as we are not born equal. But yes, depending on how you've been raised labels can stop you from meeting other people, which is a shame."

How do you mean not born equal, you mean the financially; location in the country ?

Yes a lot does depend on your upbringing, but at the end of the day you are your own person and able to make your own decisions and choices.

I personally clash with parents and others on their views on some parts of society. The way I see it, I don’t tar one type of person with the same brush just because you have been told to or a member of that group may have hurt you. Not everyone is the same and everyone deserves that respect until they do something to lose it.

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By *omeotherknobheadMan
over a year ago

morecambe

"Labels can help you connect to the right people for certain aspects of your life, ie sexual preference

However, outside of this they can also stop you getting to know a certain type of person

We aren’t labels we are human beings and everyone deserves to be treated equally

Being treated equally is often unfair as we are not born equal. But yes, depending on how you've been raised labels can stop you from meeting other people, which is a shame.

As they say, if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree.."

certain species of fish are known to climb trees, some better than others.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"what are your thoughts on the subject OP?"

I seem to be stuck somewhere in the middle ground. I don't like a lot of the labels but I also think a lot of the labels are important and necessary.

Which I find important and which not seems to be changing over the years.

I don't deny using labels negatively, but it's something I am trying to work on, unfortunately it's become a habit that is hard to get rid of.

One label I am drawing myself away from is my nationality because I have conflicted views about it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Labels can help you connect to the right people for certain aspects of your life, ie sexual preference

However, outside of this they can also stop you getting to know a certain type of person

We aren’t labels we are human beings and everyone deserves to be treated equally

Being treated equally is often unfair as we are not born equal. But yes, depending on how you've been raised labels can stop you from meeting other people, which is a shame.

How do you mean not born equal, you mean the financially; location in the country ?

Yes a lot does depend on your upbringing, but at the end of the day you are your own person and able to make your own decisions and choices.

Do you not think respect is earned rather than given? Curious

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Labels are of no interest to me. People use them to make their own judgement and that's fine.

My character, my behaviour, my beliefs,my life experiences are the things that define me.

Never labels or stereotypes

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London

"Not everyone is the same and everyone deserves that respect until they do something to lose it.

Do you not think respect is earned rather than given? Curious "

Does that mean you don’t show any modicum of respect until someone has proven themselves to you?

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I think courtesy should be a given, respect is earned and lost.

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By *izzymonkeyMan
over a year ago

Hiding In A Bush

Wrong turn.......thought this was a fashion blog......

as a rule.....I don't really define my self as anything nor do I define others in a sense, I just like to meet and take people on face value and how I find them!!

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London

"I think courtesy should be a given, respect is earned and lost. "

In the context the person posted I don’t see the difference.

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

"Not everyone is the same and everyone deserves that respect until they do something to lose it.

Do you not think respect is earned rather than given? Curious "

For me everyone deserves respect as a given, it’s a basic human trait and for me basic manners.

As said above you lose my respect when you do something wrong

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By *entakuruMan
over a year ago

Exeter

"was it Kierkegaard... Or was it Dick van Patten who said: 'if you label me, you negate me'..."

(+50 points if you get the quote)

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Without labels we're lost.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not everyone is the same and everyone deserves that respect until they do something to lose it.

Do you not think respect is earned rather than given? Curious

Does that mean you don’t show any modicum of respect until someone has proven themselves to you? "

Oh not at all! I respect everyone as a human being, the same with manners much as blood of life as the basics but yes my respect (other than the basic) is earned, much as in the same way as I trust everyone to a point but my trust above the basic is earned too!

I wouldn't want anything above the basics from anyone either not until I had earned their respect and trust

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By *ucky24Man
over a year ago

Glasgow

"I think courtesy should be a given, respect is earned and lost. "

That is so true, that is part of the problem in today's society, lack of respect for another people. The rank sense of entitlement of some people that they and their needs are more important than others.

You only need to see that in the lack of debate of all things especially political where it shout the loudest and longest to get your point across and concede nothing.

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By *ickygirl41Woman
over a year ago

Glasgow

[Removed by poster at 01/09/19 16:23:27]

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By *ickygirl41Woman
over a year ago

Glasgow

"Would you agree or disagree with the above?"

Labels are so broad, female, parent, human, leftie, sister, forgetful, late, brother, revolutionary, fighter, worker, bi, gay, cis, old , young...

Some we choose some we don't some we are born with others acquired or forced upon you. It's the stuff around labels that should be examined. Why was it given, by whom and under what conditions? Is it a description or an epiphet? Is it transient or permanent.

That's the focus point.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Only the ones we put on ourselves.

The ones other people put on is tend to be incorrect.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hmmm, I think some are ok. Actual descriptive ones that are real. I'm short. That's a fair label. However in among a crowd of primordial dwarves it would seem incorrect so even then it's subjective.

A lot depends on peoples perception and understanding of said labels, therefore most of the time lack of understanding or scewed perception is what taints them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hmmm, I think some are ok. Actual descriptive ones that are real. I'm short. That's a fair label. However in among a crowd of primordial dwarves it would seem incorrect so even then it's subjective.

A lot depends on peoples perception and understanding of said labels, therefore most of the time lack of understanding or scewed perception is what taints them.

Someone called my name? (Primordial Dwarf)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Only the ones we put on ourselves.

The ones other people put on is tend to be incorrect."

Quite often self-imposed labels are sometimes the most harmful though

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

"All I want is to get sucked "

Look for someone with the label "sucker"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Only the ones we put on ourselves.

The ones other people put on is tend to be incorrect."

I like this.

So why do we care what other people label us as, if they don't really know us.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Would you agree or disagree with the above?"

I agree they help define us. However it always depends on the other person's perspective as to whether that's a positive or negative definition.

- Their label would devalue us (in their opinion) if they had a negative perspective of that label.

An example. A woman calls herself a slut. She uses the term with empowerment and pride.

A man calls her a slut but he means it in a derogatory way.

She can accept his opinion and feel shit, or retain her own opinion and feel even more empowered by his apparent disgust.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Only the ones we put on ourselves.

The ones other people put on is tend to be incorrect.

Quite often self-imposed labels are sometimes the most harmful though

And can lead to depression and anxiety.

There seems to be positive and negative side to everything label oriented.

From this thread it seems that labels are

Necessary but sometimes unwanted

Sometimes forced upon/born with

Wrong and Right

Conflicting

Negative and positive

Dividing and Uniting

Exclusionary and Inclusive

Culture rich

Fought for/against

But in majority of the cases it boils down to intention.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Only the ones we put on ourselves.

The ones other people put on is tend to be incorrect.

I like this.

So why do we care what other people label us as, if they don't really know us. "

I think it's because some labels are inclusive and culture based so we see being labeled by others as a sign of acceptance.

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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

It depends whether it’s derogatory or not. Those labels are completely unnecessary and don’t define anyone.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It depends whether it’s derogatory or not. Those labels are completely unnecessary and don’t define anyone. "

Labels are not usually derogatory, the intent is.

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By *rAngleseyMan
over a year ago

Anglesey

The problem with labeling is that people label you in a singular manner & then fill in the rest with what they perceive a person of that label to be.

The truth is that people are complex & would need many labels. Although they might have things in common with others, No two people are the same.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Only the ones we put on ourselves.

The ones other people put on is tend to be incorrect.

Quite often self-imposed labels are sometimes the most harmful though

And can lead to depression and anxiety.

There seems to be positive and negative side to everything label oriented.

From this thread it seems that labels are

Necessary but sometimes unwanted

Sometimes forced upon/born with

Wrong and Right

Conflicting

Negative and positive

Dividing and Uniting

Exclusionary and Inclusive

Culture rich

Fought for/against

But in majority of the cases it boils down to intention."

This ^^^ spot on!

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

It depends and it appears like a false dilemma - there are more options.

Labels can potentially restrict us - as language in general can. Trying to explain something that's exquisitely profound and nuanced, within the capabilities of the words that we have - then having recipients with a fully matched interpretation, is a tough call.

Simple labels can become like identifies too. Who I am changes, yet a fixed identity may resist that potential or we may be conflicted, with opposing identities, perhaps seemingly hypocritical.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Would you agree or disagree with the above?"

As long as I can pick and choose as many as I wish, whenever I wish, for as long as I wish, why not.

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

"Only the ones we put on ourselves.

The ones other people put on is tend to be incorrect.

I like this.

So why do we care what other people label us as, if they don't really know us. "

You shouldn’t care

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Only the ones we put on ourselves.

The ones other people put on is tend to be incorrect.

I like this.

So why do we care what other people label us as, if they don't really know us.

You shouldn’t care "

It's funny though how people pick and choose what labels to have given to them and which we shouldn't care about! You're kind, you're knoknowledgable, you're beautiful etc we all except with glee (unless you have low self esteem or like fishing for more compliments) but the you're moody, you're ugly , all the insulting ones we take more seriously or can choose not to care as they're from strangers! Same as we take the same label given by a member of our family totally differently to the same label from a stranger! When is a label a label different to an insult or compliment? Are labels just literal descriptions or are they subjective, depending on who says them and who it's aimed at?

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

"Only the ones we put on ourselves.

The ones other people put on is tend to be incorrect.

I like this.

So why do we care what other people label us as, if they don't really know us.

You shouldn’t care

For me labels given by individuals from here mean nothing, as it is just their perception of what they see from me on the forums and the words I speak, they can derogatory but not my problem they don’t know me and entitled to their opinions.

If a friend or family member gave me a label I would question why if it was out of my character, it could be something I’ve done without realising or them picking up on something isn’t right with me.

Labels for me are just descriptors of who they think you are and nothing more

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Only the ones we put on ourselves.

The ones other people put on is tend to be incorrect.

I like this.

So why do we care what other people label us as, if they don't really know us.

You shouldn’t care

I think it depends on who says it, their intent, and also our state of mind.

A nasty comment won't bother me one day. A friendly comment will break me another day.

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