FabSwingers.com forum: Spider

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Am being held hostage in my bedroom by a giant spider which is half in/half out the gap between the door, seems like it's unable to squeeze its body through (it really is big). Have been stuck here for 1.5 hours now and am home alone so can't call for help. I am very very very afraid of spiders. Someone please send me the courage to try and smash it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Please don't kill it, it could be your grandfather

When it's finally gone, get some horse chestnuts (conkers?) and put one either side of your window ledges and that will keep them from coming in again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Big hammer will do it

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By *uciyassMan
over a year ago

Clonmel

Grab your self a couple of pairs of flat shoes some hairspray and charge the bastard and let rip.

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

"Am being held hostage in my bedroom by a giant spider which is half in/half out the gap between the door, seems like it's unable to squeeze its body through (it really is big). Have been stuck here for 1.5 hours now and am home alone so can't call for help. I am very very very afraid of spiders. Someone please send me the courage to try and smash it

To be fair, I think that if it's too big to fit through your bedroom door, it's probably going to eat anyone who gets too close.

Have you tried screaming at it to scare it away?

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By *ay4realstr8TV/TS
over a year ago

hoyland

Be prepared for it to escape and vanish miraculously into thin air... and then mentally haunt you all night

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Put up a meet now, tell them you'll be waiting in the bedroom, then when they turn up and get rid of it just tell them you're not that in to them

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Please don't kill it, it could be your grandfather

When it's finally gone, get some horse chestnuts (conkers?) and put one either side of your window ledges and that will keep them from coming in again."

We have conkers in every room of the house, it doesn't work!

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By *andonmessMan
over a year ago

A world all of his own

"Please don't kill it, it could be your grandfather

When it's finally gone, get some horse chestnuts (conkers?) and put one either side of your window ledges and that will keep them from coming in again.

We have conkers in every room of the house, it doesn't work! "

Ah the conker one always makes me chuckle, doesn't stop spiders at all

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Grab your self a couple of pairs of flat shoes some hairspray and charge the bastard and let rip. "

I'm too scared to go near it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Please don't kill it, it could be your grandfather

When it's finally gone, get some horse chestnuts (conkers?) and put one either side of your window ledges and that will keep them from coming in again."

Her grandfather is a spider????

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Please don't kill it, it could be your grandfather

When it's finally gone, get some horse chestnuts (conkers?) and put one either side of your window ledges and that will keep them from coming in again.

We have conkers in every room of the house, it doesn't work! "

You have to pierce the skin and change them when they dry

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By *uryWhipMan
over a year ago

Harringay

I feel your pain, am arachnaphobic too. Been trapped myself but managed to mcgyuver out of the situation by throwing books and shoes, charging at them with brooms and mops. Whatever you do, make sure your wearing shoes. Im in NW London if you need a hand.

Which gap in the door, the hinge or is it trying to crawl underneath?

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By *eauNaturelMan
over a year ago

Mortonhampstead for a few days

Definitely don't kill it, live and let live! Of course if you don't like them then get someone to remove it but as you're alone, try opening the door (I doubt it's stuck), it'll crawl off somewhere and you'll be safe.

And, what ever you do, don't think about the tens of spiders that it's calculated we eat whilst asleep during our life time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ugh.

I hate them. I kill them with my shoes, hairspray, or throw them in the toilet using a container and some paper!

Spider season is coming up, citronella will be bought in hope they stay away!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I feel your pain, am arachnaphobic too. Been trapped myself but managed to mcgyuver out of the situation by throwing books and shoes, charging at them with brooms and mops. Whatever you do, make sure your wearing shoes. Im in NW London if you need a hand.

Which gap in the door, the hinge or is it trying to crawl underneath? "

It's on the side, right next to the handle

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By *uryWhipMan
over a year ago

Harringay

Which gap in the door, the hinge or is it trying to crawl underneath?

It's on the side, right next to the handle "

Would suggest slamming the door and see what happens but those fuckers are flexible. Unless you're expecting someone home soon you're gonna have to brave it and do battle. Sounds like a nightmare

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Aim your hairdryer at it. They don't like heat

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Which gap in the door, the hinge or is it trying to crawl underneath?

It's on the side, right next to the handle

Would suggest slamming the door and see what happens but those fuckers are flexible. Unless you're expecting someone home soon you're gonna have to brave it and do battle. Sounds like a nightmare "

I can't slam the door, it's shut

it looks like it was trying to escape my room but got stuck. The door opens towards me as well so if I open it I'll be literally swinging a spider towards my face. I need to pee so badly as well, this really is not an ideal situation.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

Crumpet Castle

Indoor spiders are born indoors - they die outdoors - they are there whether you can see them or not.

Go into another room and forget about it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Indoor spiders are born indoors - they die outdoors - they are there whether you can see them or not.

Go into another room and forget about it.

How???? I can't get through the door!

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By *uryWhipMan
over a year ago

Harringay

Which gap in the door, the hinge or is it trying to crawl underneath?

It's on the side, right next to the handle

Would suggest slamming the door and see what happens but those fuckers are flexible. Unless you're expecting someone home soon you're gonna have to brave it and do battle. Sounds like a nightmare

I can't slam the door, it's shut

Jesus...im not sure how Id get out of that one other than just have to open the door quickly with my back to it so i can jump away across the room (screaming). Then reasses the situation before running out of the room (screaming) making sure i cant see it.

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By *uck-RogersMan
over a year ago

Halfway between B.n.W.

I will put my pants on over my jeans, and will be there in a flash. Ok a couple of flashes.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

Crumpet Castle

"Indoor spiders are born indoors - they die outdoors - they are there whether you can see them or not.

Go into another room and forget about it.

How???? I can't get through the door! "

When you open the door 1 of 3 things will happen.

1. The spider will already be dead.

2. The spider will run like fuck.

3. The spider will be crushed.

I guarantee what won't happen.

It won't attack you. It is shit scared and wanting somewhere dark. So keep your foof shut

Stand arms length away and open the door. Even if you do it stood on a stool. Do it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I did it! I opened the door! My need to pee overrode my fear. It was already dead

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By *aughtyYorkGentMan
over a year ago

Yorkshire

Spiders and I have an arrangement. If they don't enter my house, or don't reveal themselves, they get to stay the same shape, with all 8 legs still attached.

I detest the things and would rather not go near them, but the worry that one might get away and not knowing where it is always overrides the fear of getting close so I murder them ASAP.

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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago

Bed waiting

I love spiders...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I did it! I opened the door! My need to pee overrode my fear. It was already dead

"
Dam it i was hoping to see some pee stained carpet pics. Glad your ok now xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I did it! I opened the door! My need to pee overrode my fear. It was already dead

Oh now I feel sorry for poor spidey

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By *uryWhipMan
over a year ago

Harringay

"I did it! I opened the door! My need to pee overrode my fear. It was already dead

Bet that pee felt amazing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Rest in peace Spider.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Anteaters love spiders

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley

"I did it! I opened the door! My need to pee overrode my fear. It was already dead

This thread was a real rollercoaster, I need a stiff drink and a timeout after that!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Jump out the window

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By *xperimentalistMan
over a year ago

East Yorkshire

You should see the size of the one in my basement at the moment.

I like spiders and will generally pick them up and set them free but this big mamma one I decided to leave where she is. Biggest I have seen in the UK.

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley

"I did it! I opened the door! My need to pee overrode my fear. It was already dead

This thread was a real rollercoaster, I need a stiff drink and a timeout after that! "

Silly me, I meant a stiff cock and a timeout.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I did it! I opened the door! My need to pee overrode my fear. It was already dead

This thread was a real rollercoaster, I need a stiff drink and a timeout after that! "

Tell me about it! I'm planning to move out soon as well so lord knows what I'll do when I'm truly alone! Reckon the firefighters deal with stuff like this?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"You should see the size of the one in my basement at the moment.

I like spiders and will generally pick them up and set them free but this big mamma one I decided to leave where she is. Biggest I have seen in the UK. "

Something tells me you'll come to regret this decision

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By *tella HeelsTV/TS
over a year ago

west here ford shire

Know why you’re a sub now...

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By *xperimentalistMan
over a year ago

East Yorkshire

"You should see the size of the one in my basement at the moment.

I like spiders and will generally pick them up and set them free but this big mamma one I decided to leave where she is. Biggest I have seen in the UK.

Something tells me you'll come to regret this decision

My house will be like arachnaphobia the film by the morning

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

Grab your hairdryer and blow it away so you can get out of the room

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

Always remember it has family, family revenge runs very deep.

Does it look like a Sicilian Spider?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Know why you’re a sub now...

Yes because the two go hand in hand obviously

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Always remember it has family, family revenge runs very deep.

Does it look like a Sicilian Spider?"

I have no idea what a sicilian spider looks like and there's no way in hell I'm going to Google it sorry x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Always remember it has family, family revenge runs very deep.

Does it look like a Sicilian Spider?

I have no idea what a sicilian spider looks like and there's no way in hell I'm going to Google it sorry x"

Any updates?

I had a spider in my conservatory so I couldn't go in. Ended up sucking it up with the vacuum cleaner.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

Crumpet Castle

"I did it! I opened the door! My need to pee overrode my fear. It was already dead

Well done ! x

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