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"Will parent B be providing accommodation/food/pay for social events etc? " Kids will stay with parent B but parent A will have to stay in a hotel. Rural area, not tourist location so no possibility of treating it as a 'holiday'. Parent B will pay for kids food etc. | |||
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"Obviously if they can afford to split or do it differently but it’s a lot to ask. " Why a lot to ask? Of who? | |||
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"Will parent B be providing accommodation/food/pay for social events etc? Kids will stay with parent B but parent A will have to stay in a hotel. Rural area, not tourist location so no possibility of treating it as a 'holiday'. Parent B will pay for kids food etc." Does parent A want to go? | |||
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"I'm not clear on who's paying the mortgage" Parent A kept the house and pays the mortgage alone. (No new partner or lodger.) | |||
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"Have em adopted ... problem solved " Parents or kids? | |||
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"Will parent B be providing accommodation/food/pay for social events etc? Kids will stay with parent B but parent A will have to stay in a hotel. Rural area, not tourist location so no possibility of treating it as a 'holiday'. Parent B will pay for kids food etc. Does parent A want to go? " Parent A wants the kids to see parent B. But does not want to take time off work, pay for travel etc to sit in a hotel for a week. Kids happiness are the priority though. | |||
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"Me and my ex have an agreement on travel, admittedly we only live 40 miles away from each other. But one collects on Friday the other on Sunday to take them home. In your case a lot more complex but surely some splitting the costs." Just a hypothetical question due to an issue a friend has, not me. Locations changed but his situation is the same. | |||
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"Obviously if they can afford to split or do it differently but it’s a lot to ask. Why a lot to ask? Of who?" It is a lot to ask the primary parent to take over the every day life, pay the mortgage and have no financial support and then to foot the bill for travel as well. There’s not a balance there. They’ve gotten to pursue their new life far away at the expense of lack of time with their child, they should be doing all they can to pull some weight in my opinion. If the parent who’s left behind with the kids can do it without it hurting financially, I can see why they’d do it for the sake of peace and the kids, but they shouldn’t be obligated to have their ex dictate where they spend their family holiday and money just because the ex has moved far away. | |||
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"Does parent B normally travel to see the kids in Inverness? Then I think parent B should pay, they did choose to move far away from the family home" No travel so far. Both parents lived only 10 miles apart before one moved. Parent B moved 3 months ago and kids have only spoken to them on the phone since. | |||
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"Will parent B be providing accommodation/food/pay for social events etc? Kids will stay with parent B but parent A will have to stay in a hotel. Rural area, not tourist location so no possibility of treating it as a 'holiday'. Parent B will pay for kids food etc. Does parent A want to go? Parent A wants the kids to see parent B. But does not want to take time off work, pay for travel etc to sit in a hotel for a week. Kids happiness are the priority though. " Lot of respect for Parent A hopefully Parent B understands and can come to an arrangement. What's Parent B view have they offered anything or not discussed it yet ? | |||
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"Are kids old enough to travel on their own? I don't think it's fair that parent A should be on their own in a different country when they don't have to and even pay for being there. As someone above me said parent B decided to move away so I think it's their responsibility to pay." No the kids aren't old enough to travel alone. Also they've only flown once and were scared so not a good situation to travel alone even with airline assistance. | |||
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"Parent B should be coming to pick up kids and paying all the children's travel costs, as they chose to move abroad. " Or else coming over and paying their own costs for accommodation while seeing kids | |||
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"If parent B has requested the visit , then parent B pays. There is nothing to decide or resolve. " Parent B will only pay half. Parent A can't really afford £500 to transport kids. Cheaper option would be for Parent B to visit but they won't. Parent B says parent A is keeping the kids hostage by not agreeing to visit. | |||
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"If parent B has requested the visit , then parent B pays. There is nothing to decide or resolve. Parent B will only pay half. Parent A can't really afford £500 to transport kids. Cheaper option would be for Parent B to visit but they won't. Parent B says parent A is keeping the kids hostage by not agreeing to visit." Parent B is a bit of an arse | |||
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"Obviously if they can afford to split or do it differently but it’s a lot to ask. Why a lot to ask? Of who? It is a lot to ask the primary parent to take over the every day life, pay the mortgage and have no financial support and then to foot the bill for travel as well. There’s not a balance there. They’ve gotten to pursue their new life far away at the expense of lack of time with their child, they should be doing all they can to pull some weight in my opinion. If the parent who’s left behind with the kids can do it without it hurting financially, I can see why they’d do it for the sake of peace and the kids, but they shouldn’t be obligated to have their ex dictate where they spend their family holiday and money just because the ex has moved far away. " Ok thanks for explaining. I agree with this and told my friend (parent A) but he still feels guilty about not wanting/ being able to make the trip at such cost/ time off work etc. -As per your last sentence. | |||
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"If parent B really wants to see the children then parent B could travel to here and stay here .... this is not about 'seeing' the children. There are more parent needs going on than we know about. " What kind of needs? | |||
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"Will parent B be providing accommodation/food/pay for social events etc? Kids will stay with parent B but parent A will have to stay in a hotel. Rural area, not tourist location so no possibility of treating it as a 'holiday'. Parent B will pay for kids food etc. Does parent A want to go? Parent A wants the kids to see parent B. But does not want to take time off work, pay for travel etc to sit in a hotel for a week. Kids happiness are the priority though. Lot of respect for Parent A hopefully Parent B understands and can come to an arrangement. What's Parent B view have they offered anything or not discussed it yet ? " Parent B offered to pay half. But £500 to 'deliver the kids' - it's not a holiday- is making my friend feel bad. | |||
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"Have em adopted ... problem solved Parents or kids? " Both | |||
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"If both parents really loved those kids. I mean really loved them and put the kids upbringing in front of any of their own desires then they would have learned to get on with each other and never create the division in the first place. Admittedly some relationships are not worth saving but too many relationships end due to trivial things and selfishness by the parents. Old fashioned thinking but I have seen far too many good people spoil a good thing and confuse their kids about life. In answer to the OP. If it was me I would try to make my own arrangements and cover the cost myself. " Not sure what division you mean. They had amicable equal custody until one parent decided to move. Parent with the kids who still lives here, wants the kids to see the other parent but is struggling. | |||
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"If parent B has requested the visit , then parent B pays. There is nothing to decide or resolve. Parent B will only pay half. Parent A can't really afford £500 to transport kids. Cheaper option would be for Parent B to visit but they won't. Parent B says parent A is keeping the kids hostage by not agreeing to visit. Parent B is a bit of an arse" My initial thought was a wee bit stronger than an arse. If I moved abroad which I wouldn't if my children were under 18,then I certainly wouldn't expect the other parent to cough up half. It would be my own fault I'd moved so far away. | |||
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"Parent B is a bit of an arse" My sentiments entirely | |||
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"Parent B moves to Spain knowing they will still need/want to see the kids. Do they contribute if parent A takes them on holiday? It pretty much amounts to the same thing. If they don't then they foot 100% of this "Holiday" S" No parent B doesn't contribute to any holiday costs. Who should foot the 100%? Parent who has to travel with kids or parent who moved? | |||
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"Erm .. How old is child... as alot of companies have staff that will accompany minors on flights. My nephew often used to fly from middle east to uk. He even went from middle east to new zealand to visit family friends .. Problem solved " They are 14 & under and afraid of flying so not ideal to fly alone. Trip would be 2 separate flights each way, due to rural location. I know other kids who have flown 'assisted' but the airline only assists them in the airport. When in their seat on the plane they are alone. Airline staff don't sit with them. | |||
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"Will parent B be providing accommodation/food/pay for social events etc? Kids will stay with parent B but parent A will have to stay in a hotel. Rural area, not tourist location so no possibility of treating it as a 'holiday'. Parent B will pay for kids food etc." I've just spent 2 weeks in very rural France and.djd.aomwtjing most days. Just because it's not a traditional tourist place doesn't mean it's not a holiday. How old are the children? | |||
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"If both parents really loved those kids. I mean really loved them and put the kids upbringing in front of any of their own desires then they would have learned to get on with each other and never create the division in the first place. Admittedly some relationships are not worth saving but too many relationships end due to trivial things and selfishness by the parents. Old fashioned thinking but I have seen far too many good people spoil a good thing and confuse their kids about life. In answer to the OP. If it was me I would try to make my own arrangements and cover the cost myself. Not sure what division you mean. They had amicable equal custody until one parent decided to move. Parent with the kids who still lives here, wants the kids to see the other parent but is struggling. " By popular opinion on the thread Parent B is the unreasonable 1 here, which I would agree. After reading the OP again why should Parent A have to do that. If Parent B wants to see the kids take time off and get your arse over. It seems people are busy acting savage, busy and heartless these days.. | |||
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"Are kids old enough to travel on their own? I don't think it's fair that parent A should be on their own in a different country when they don't have to and even pay for being there. As someone above me said parent B decided to move away so I think it's their responsibility to pay." Exactly this! Op, I’m in a very similar situation to this. | |||
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"Parent a and parent b both behave like adults and compromise for the sake of the child. " Should have worked harder on the relationship | |||
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"Parent a and parent b both behave like adults and compromise for the sake of the child. Should have worked harder on the relationship " Wow... | |||
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"Parent a and parent b both behave like adults and compromise for the sake of the child. Should have worked harder on the relationship " That's not what I meant | |||
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"Parent A and B shared equal custody of the kids. Parent A lives in Inverness with the kids. Parent B moved to Spain. Parent A kept the house in lieu of child support, so has no child support 'income' in that respect. Mortgage still has to be paid. Both parents work full time, kids are still in school. Parent B wants Parent A to bring the kids to visit them. The visit to Spain will be over £1,000 due to travel to an airport, flights, hotels, time off work etc. How can this be resolved?" Parent B as they took the choice to move to Spain, if they still want contact with the kids they need to pay. | |||
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"Assuming that there will be more than one visit, on this occasion split it. In future, plan in advance, taking advantage of cheaper air fares and either split 50/50 or 1 parent pays for 1 trip, the other pays for the next. That is, of course, assuming that the financial responsibility for the child remains shared despite the distance involved. If it isn't, then whoever moved should make a larger contribution. I know that if I wanted to share time with my child: a) I wouldn't move away until they were of age, and b) If I did move, I'd have costed in and budgeted for the costs involved in seeing them at regular intervals Otherwise it is nothing more than parenting by proxy" What do you mean 'financial responsibility remains shared'? There's no child support of any kind. House was transferred. Both had equal custody before, so shared food costs I guess. No possibility of cheaper flights due to location. Actual total cost of the trip is nearer £2,000 but I thought that might skew people's opinions so I said it was less. I need unbiased thoughts. Due to the massive cost and other issues I think parent B is an utter arse, but that's not going to help my friend. | |||
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"Are kids old enough to travel on their own? I don't think it's fair that parent A should be on their own in a different country when they don't have to and even pay for being there. As someone above me said parent B decided to move away so I think it's their responsibility to pay. Exactly this! Op, I’m in a very similar situation to this. " Sorry to hear that. x | |||
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"Parent B moves to Spain knowing they will still need/want to see the kids. Do they contribute if parent A takes them on holiday? It pretty much amounts to the same thing. If they don't then they foot 100% of this "Holiday" S No parent B doesn't contribute to any holiday costs. Who should foot the 100%? Parent who has to travel with kids or parent who moved?" Parent B, In effect they want the kids "On holiday" with them but don't want to pay for it.In my view if A says "Kids want to go to Disney can you pay half?" & they did then this trip should be split 50/50 as they don't contribute normally then they should pay for this holiday as that is what it will be like for the kids. S | |||
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"Are kids old enough to travel on their own? I don't think it's fair that parent A should be on their own in a different country when they don't have to and even pay for being there. As someone above me said parent B decided to move away so I think it's their responsibility to pay. Exactly this! Op, I’m in a very similar situation to this. Sorry to hear that. x" Thanks, but it is what it is. My ex chose to move country, pays no maintenance. If he wants our child to visit, he pays. End of. X | |||
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"Parent A should pay. Parent A should take the kids on holiday. Parent B should accommodate, feed & entertain parent A & the kids for a week or two as thanks for bringing them out there. Parents A & B shall remain civilised and behave like adults, this setting a good example to the children. Win win imo " I agree re: being civilised. Parent B is blaming A on not being able to pay the huge cost/ get time off work, yet won't visit here. It's difficult to be unbiased. | |||
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"Parent B moves to Spain knowing they will still need/want to see the kids. Do they contribute if parent A takes them on holiday? It pretty much amounts to the same thing. If they don't then they foot 100% of this "Holiday" S No parent B doesn't contribute to any holiday costs. Who should foot the 100%? Parent who has to travel with kids or parent who moved? Parent B, In effect they want the kids "On holiday" with them but don't want to pay for it.In my view if A says "Kids want to go to Disney can you pay half?" & they did then this trip should be split 50/50 as they don't contribute normally then they should pay for this holiday as that is what it will be like for the kids. S" Thanks for clarifying. | |||
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"Parent a and parent b both behave like adults and compromise for the sake of the child. Should have worked harder on the relationship " Seriously ! You know what sometimes it’s just for the best for all concerned, including the kid if go their separate ways. The kid now has two happy, safe environments to enjoy, as well as happy adults around. They learn and see that yes sometimes things don’t work out and tough choices need to be made, but it’s for the best. You can still be civil and do the best for the child you both bought into this world. | |||
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"Parent a and parent b both behave like adults and compromise for the sake of the child. Should have worked harder on the relationship That's not what I meant" You have the modern attitude on relationships. That's ok if it's made you happy or anyone else it has made happier. A time will come when this attitude will become old fashioned and then what ? I will probably be a dinosaur by then. Extinct | |||
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"Simple parent b moved away...parent b wants to see children parent b sorts it out. Parent a provides day to day costs. The ex lives 250miles away. He Wants to see child he travels .. its that simple. Judge agreed." We are unanimous on that then | |||
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"Parent A should pay. Parent A should take the kids on holiday. Parent B should accommodate, feed & entertain parent A & the kids for a week or two as thanks for bringing them out there. Parents A & B shall remain civilised and behave like adults, this setting a good example to the children. Win win imo Sounds like your mind is made up. Parent B is unreasonable in your opinion. We don’t know all the facts so our opinions are null. I agree re: being civilised. Parent B is blaming A on not being able to pay the huge cost/ get time off work, yet won't visit here. It's difficult to be unbiased. " | |||
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"Parent A should pay. Parent A should take the kids on holiday. Parent B should accommodate, feed & entertain parent A & the kids for a week or two as thanks for bringing them out there. Parents A & B shall remain civilised and behave like adults, this setting a good example to the children. Win win imo " | |||
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"Assuming that there will be more than one visit, on this occasion split it. In future, plan in advance, taking advantage of cheaper air fares and either split 50/50 or 1 parent pays for 1 trip, the other pays for the next. That is, of course, assuming that the financial responsibility for the child remains shared despite the distance involved. If it isn't, then whoever moved should make a larger contribution. I know that if I wanted to share time with my child: a) I wouldn't move away until they were of age, and b) If I did move, I'd have costed in and budgeted for the costs involved in seeing them at regular intervals Otherwise it is nothing more than parenting by proxy What do you mean 'financial responsibility remains shared'? There's no child support of any kind. House was transferred. Both had equal custody before, so shared food costs I guess. No possibility of cheaper flights due to location. Actual total cost of the trip is nearer £2,000 but I thought that might skew people's opinions so I said it was less. I need unbiased thoughts. Due to the massive cost and other issues I think parent B is an utter arse, but that's not going to help my friend. " OK, so I misread the first bit, but the 2nd part still stands Parenting by proxy is not an acceptable position imho If Parent B won't budge, then parent A should explain that saving up in required and the child needs to understand that because Parent B expects but isn't prepared to contribute, then visits will not be often Not that it is their problem, but are there grandparents that can assist, specifically Parent B's? Is there any common ground for meeting in the middle? | |||
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"Will parent B be providing accommodation/food/pay for social events etc? Kids will stay with parent B but parent A will have to stay in a hotel. Rural area, not tourist location so no possibility of treating it as a 'holiday'. Parent B will pay for kids food etc." My parents divorced and my dad moved overseas. My mum would drop us of at Bristol airport and my dad would collect us the other end. Airlines were very good at looking after children traveling. Parent A really doesn’t need to go if they don’t want to . | |||
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"Will parent B be providing accommodation/food/pay for social events etc? Kids will stay with parent B but parent A will have to stay in a hotel. Rural area, not tourist location so no possibility of treating it as a 'holiday'. Parent B will pay for kids food etc. My parents divorced and my dad moved overseas. My mum would drop us of at Bristol airport and my dad would collect us the other end. Airlines were very good at looking after children traveling. Parent A really doesn’t need to go if they don’t want to . " depends on age of children. No way I'd be letting mine travel alone. | |||
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"Parent A and B shared equal custody of the kids. Parent A lives in Inverness with the kids. Parent B moved to Spain. Parent A kept the house in lieu of child support, so has no child support 'income' in that respect. Mortgage still has to be paid. Both parents work full time, kids are still in school. Parent B wants Parent A to bring the kids to visit them. The visit to Spain will be over £1,000 due to travel to an airport, flights, hotels, time off work etc. How can this be resolved?" get gentleman C to pay have a holiday you deserve one | |||
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"Actually I think it should also depends on who's responsible for the split. If parent A is responsible for the split but has been given full custody over parent B, the cost should be split." Define "responsibility" | |||
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"Actually I think it should also depends on who's responsible for the split. If parent A is responsible for the split but has been given full custody over parent B, the cost should be split. Define "responsibility"" "the state or fact of being accountable or to blame for something" | |||
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"Assuming that there will be more than one visit, on this occasion split it. In future, plan in advance, taking advantage of cheaper air fares and either split 50/50 or 1 parent pays for 1 trip, the other pays for the next. That is, of course, assuming that the financial responsibility for the child remains shared despite the distance involved. If it isn't, then whoever moved should make a larger contribution. I know that if I wanted to share time with my child: a) I wouldn't move away until they were of age, and b) If I did move, I'd have costed in and budgeted for the costs involved in seeing them at regular intervals Otherwise it is nothing more than parenting by proxy What do you mean 'financial responsibility remains shared'? There's no child support of any kind. House was transferred. Both had equal custody before, so shared food costs I guess. No possibility of cheaper flights due to location. Actual total cost of the trip is nearer £2,000 but I thought that might skew people's opinions so I said it was less. I need unbiased thoughts. Due to the massive cost and other issues I think parent B is an utter arse, but that's not going to help my friend. OK, so I misread the first bit, but the 2nd part still stands Parenting by proxy is not an acceptable position imho If Parent B won't budge, then parent A should explain that saving up in required and the child needs to understand that because Parent B expects but isn't prepared to contribute, then visits will not be often Not that it is their problem, but are there grandparents that can assist, specifically Parent B's? Is there any common ground for meeting in the middle?" What do you mean parenting by proxy? No grandparents to assist. Nowhere to meet in the middle. | |||
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"Parent B chose to move to a different country, far away from their children. Therefore it should be parent B's responsibility to make arrangements to see their children. If they can't afford to do so then they shouldn't have moved in the first place. I'm in a similar situation. " Sorry to hear that you're in the same situation. x | |||
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"I drop off and he brings home. Not sure I could afford dropping off to Spain if it were me. But if he moved to Spain whilst our kids were under 16 he’d have earache from me anyway. " Earache why? | |||
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"Actually I think it should also depends on who's responsible for the split. If parent A is responsible for the split but has been given full custody over parent B, the cost should be split." They split due to B. The court gave A full custody. I didn't want to give that info because it may cloud the answers in A's favour. I wanted unbiased replies. | |||
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"If parent B has requested the visit , then parent B pays. There is nothing to decide or resolve. Parent B will only pay half. Parent A can't really afford £500 to transport kids. Cheaper option would be for Parent B to visit but they won't. Parent B says parent A is keeping the kids hostage by not agreeing to visit." Then parent B can do that and live with the consequence which will be not seeing the children. | |||
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"I think both parents need theit heads banging together if they can't sort something like this put amicably " Amen...?? | |||
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"I think both parents need theit heads banging together if they can't sort something like this put amicably Amen...??" ???? | |||
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"I think both parents need theit heads banging together if they can't sort something like this put amicably Amen...?? ????" Those question marks were meant to be thumbs up! | |||
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"I think both parents need theit heads banging together if they can't sort something like this put amicably Amen...?? ???? Those question marks were meant to be thumbs up!" it's not always that simple though is it. some people can be unreasonable and it can e like banging your head up a brick wall. | |||
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"Who allegedly "caused the split" is irrelevant, what is relevant is that B chose to move to a different country from his/her children, he/she should be either travelling back to see children or arranging and paying for the cost of getting them to him/her, including paying the other parent's travel and accommodation costs if necessary. " Agree | |||
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"Isn't it cheaper and easier forone parent to travel and stay rather than a parent and kids? " Yes it would be. | |||
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"I think both parents need theit heads banging together if they can't sort something like this put amicably Amen...??" praise be the lord | |||
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