FabSwingers.com forum: Ex's insecure girlfriend

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

My daughter is best friends with my ex bf's daughter. Daughter stays regularly and dad & I good friends. His gf split us but that was 4 yrs ago. Gf is becoming increasingly insecure and now quizzing daughter about me & telling daughter to pass info to me about their relationship. How i can assure gf im no threat

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By *moothdickMan
over a year ago

stoke

The ex should do that ..

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

Send her a text saying “chill out bitch! I’m no threat”

Or just say “look, if you want to tell me something can you do it yourself as it’s not really fair to involve [insert name]“

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By *ink1970Woman
over a year ago

Wigan

[Removed by poster at 21/08/19 23:38:14]

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

ive never met her or spoken to her

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"My daughter is best friends with my ex bf's daughter. Daughter stays regularly and dad & I good friends. His gf split us but that was 4 yrs ago. Gf is becoming increasingly insecure and now quizzing daughter about me & telling daughter to pass info to me about their relationship. How i can assure gf im no threat

You can't and she's out of order.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"ive never met her or spoken to her

Keep it that way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can you speak to your ex and suggest she needs to be told how unfair it is to involve your daughter?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

its his daughter that shes quizzing etc

his daughter told me today - shes told me that i have to drop it into conversation so you know we have had a lovely "family" day out today

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"its his daughter that shes quizzing etc

his daughter told me today - shes told me that i have to drop it into conversation so you know we have had a lovely "family" day out today"

Difficult one. She's putting this girl in an awkward position. The adults need to deal with this not the kids

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

i was hoping i could find a way to reassure her without involving the ex/his daughter

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By *onbons_xxMan
over a year ago

Bolton

That’s a really unfair position for you to be in. If you’re on ok terms with your ex then I’d say he’s the key to resolving it. You’re not threatened by her but maybe they’re not secure enough within themselves and she’s doing this as a way to plaster over the cracks. Anyway that’s not your problem but ask him to intervene.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"i was hoping i could find a way to reassure her without involving the ex/his daughter "

Why? It isn't your problem

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

hes told her straight and she apologised to him for thinking it

im reluctant to tell him as i dont want it to be a her or me situation which is where I think it may be heading

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"hes told her straight and she apologised to him for thinking it

im reluctant to tell him as i dont want it to be a her or me situation which is where I think it may be heading"

I have found in life that when things are dealt with out in the open they're sorted out more quickly and easily. If she's insecure you aren't the person to help her. Stay out of it

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"i was hoping i could find a way to reassure her without involving the ex/his daughter

Why? It isn't your problem"

im going to be in their lives due to our daughters being friends and just want an easy life

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"i was hoping i could find a way to reassure her without involving the ex/his daughter

Why? It isn't your problem

im going to be in their lives due to our daughters being friends and just want an easy life"

Trust me if she's insecure about you your life won't be easy. Does she have any cause to be insecure? I don't mean because of you necessarily.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"i was hoping i could find a way to reassure her without involving the ex/his daughter

Why? It isn't your problem

im going to be in their lives due to our daughters being friends and just want an easy life

Trust me if she's insecure about you your life won't be easy. Does she have any cause to be insecure? I don't mean because of you necessarily. "

Not because of me no. ive zero interest in him other than as a friend/support with his daughter (family issues shes moved to live with him recently)

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"i was hoping i could find a way to reassure her without involving the ex/his daughter

Why? It isn't your problem

im going to be in their lives due to our daughters being friends and just want an easy life

Trust me if she's insecure about you your life won't be easy. Does she have any cause to be insecure? I don't mean because of you necessarily.

Not because of me no. ive zero interest in him other than as a friend/support with his daughter (family issues shes moved to live with him recently)

Ok she's told the daughter to mention nice family days out. You're supporting him with his daughter. Do you see why she might feel she needs to emphasise her role to you?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"i was hoping i could find a way to reassure her without involving the ex/his daughter

Why? It isn't your problem

im going to be in their lives due to our daughters being friends and just want an easy life

Trust me if she's insecure about you your life won't be easy. Does she have any cause to be insecure? I don't mean because of you necessarily.

Not because of me no. ive zero interest in him other than as a friend/support with his daughter (family issues shes moved to live with him recently)

Ok she's told the daughter to mention nice family days out. You're supporting him with his daughter. Do you see why she might feel she needs to emphasise her role to you?"

i understand where youre coming from.

Situation is very complicated, my role is exactly same as has been for years, its just daughter has moved

thats why id like to be able to reassure her my only interest is the daughter not him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"
show her your 25 th june pic that should do it

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"i was hoping i could find a way to reassure her without involving the ex/his daughter

Why? It isn't your problem

im going to be in their lives due to our daughters being friends and just want an easy life

Trust me if she's insecure about you your life won't be easy. Does she have any cause to be insecure? I don't mean because of you necessarily.

Not because of me no. ive zero interest in him other than as a friend/support with his daughter (family issues shes moved to live with him recently)

Ok she's told the daughter to mention nice family days out. You're supporting him with his daughter. Do you see why she might feel she needs to emphasise her role to you?

i understand where youre coming from.

Situation is very complicated, my role is exactly same as has been for years, its just daughter has moved

thats why id like to be able to reassure her my only interest is the daughter not him

How old is the daughter?

Are you speaking to your ex privately about his daughter, phone calls, texts etc?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't bother. It's her issue. If you don't know her I don't understand why it's bothering you. Crack on with your own life.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"i was hoping i could find a way to reassure her without involving the ex/his daughter

Why? It isn't your problem

im going to be in their lives due to our daughters being friends and just want an easy life

Trust me if she's insecure about you your life won't be easy. Does she have any cause to be insecure? I don't mean because of you necessarily.

Not because of me no. ive zero interest in him other than as a friend/support with his daughter (family issues shes moved to live with him recently)

Ok she's told the daughter to mention nice family days out. You're supporting him with his daughter. Do you see why she might feel she needs to emphasise her role to you?

i understand where youre coming from.

Situation is very complicated, my role is exactly same as has been for years, its just daughter has moved

thats why id like to be able to reassure her my only interest is the daughter not him

How old is the daughter?

Are you speaking to your ex privately about his daughter, phone calls, texts etc?"

they're 14. weve always communicated nothing has changed

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"i was hoping i could find a way to reassure her without involving the ex/his daughter

Why? It isn't your problem

im going to be in their lives due to our daughters being friends and just want an easy life

Trust me if she's insecure about you your life won't be easy. Does she have any cause to be insecure? I don't mean because of you necessarily.

Not because of me no. ive zero interest in him other than as a friend/support with his daughter (family issues shes moved to live with him recently)

Ok she's told the daughter to mention nice family days out. You're supporting him with his daughter. Do you see why she might feel she needs to emphasise her role to you?

i understand where youre coming from.

Situation is very complicated, my role is exactly same as has been for years, its just daughter has moved

thats why id like to be able to reassure her my only interest is the daughter not him

How old is the daughter?

Are you speaking to your ex privately about his daughter, phone calls, texts etc?

they're 14. weve always communicated nothing has changed"

Right then if I were you I'd just carry on as you are. You're not invested in their relationship in any way and have no cause to reassure her about anything.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

think i just needed to hear from someone else thats its not actually my issue etc

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"think i just needed to hear from someone else thats its not actually my issue etc

Take it from me, it's not your issue. She didn't imagine the daughter would say that she had told her to drop it into the conversation she just thought she'd mention a lovely day out. If you start reassuring her that nothings going on out of the blue, she will think there is.

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By *nderIwonder.Man
over a year ago

2nd City

[Removed by poster at 22/08/19 01:26:38]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You need to do nothing it's her that needs to sort her trust issues out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe it's late but that first post puzzled me

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Maybe it's late but that first post puzzled me

my ex' boyfriends daughter and my daughter are best friends.

im good friends with my ex boyfriend but his girlfriend has suddenly started to become insecure about me/him

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By *izzy RascallMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

By having a boyfriend of your own.

That could be the only way she grows up.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

By having a boyfriend of your own.

That could be the only way she grows up."

nah .... Im very happily single

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Maybe it's late but that first post puzzled me

my ex' boyfriends daughter and my daughter are best friends.

im good friends with my ex boyfriend but his girlfriend has suddenly started to become insecure about me/him"

He might be taking your advice and not hers. It's not necessarily sexual jealousy.

If my partner was taking advice from an ex and dissing mine, I'd be fed up too.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Maybe it's late but that first post puzzled me

my ex' boyfriends daughter and my daughter are best friends.

im good friends with my ex boyfriend but his girlfriend has suddenly started to become insecure about me/him

He might be taking your advice and not hers. It's not necessarily sexual jealousy.

If my partner was taking advice from an ex and dissing mine, I'd be fed up too. "

thats a possibility as she hasnt got any children

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Maybe it's late but that first post puzzled me

my ex' boyfriends daughter and my daughter are best friends.

im good friends with my ex boyfriend but his girlfriend has suddenly started to become insecure about me/him

He might be taking your advice and not hers. It's not necessarily sexual jealousy.

If my partner was taking advice from an ex and dissing mine, I'd be fed up too.

thats a possibility as she hasnt got any children"

That could be another thing that hurts her if she wanted some. If he's made some comment about her not understanding because she doesn't have kids but you do.

That would really hurt. X

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

theres a lot going on in this situation regarding the daughter which I cant put on here

i will continue to support daughter as she needs it

for my own sanity and stress levels im going to message him today and back off from the friendship

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By *ildman999Man
over a year ago

Manchester

I've always found that people who suddenly appear insecure and accuse their partners of having an affair etc, do so because they're looking for an excuse to end the relationship, and the longer it goes on that they can't find any evidence, the more vicious and deceitful they become.

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By *inkysexpotMan
over a year ago

leeds

When you have split up with someone the idea is to find an upgrade...not downgrade

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I've always found that people who suddenly appear insecure and accuse their partners of having an affair etc, do so because they're looking for an excuse to end the relationship, and the longer it goes on that they can't find any evidence, the more vicious and deceitful they become."

shes booked wedding for next year

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think using the daughter to relay messages is a concern.

I suppose I can see how she may feel threatened but to me that would depend on the level of communication between you (the ex) and him (her fella) but there are so many things regarding the daughter that could influence that which you obviously can't go into details about.

I'd feel pushed out or like I wasn't being given the opportunity to offer my own support if there was what I deemed excessive contact (again, that would be dependent on the actual issues) but if there's multiple calls or messages daily rather than a weekly catch up I'd more than likely feel as though I wasn't being taken seriously or that my input was being dismissed (rolling into feeling like I was personally being dismissed)

I'd maybe talk to him about it, not in a causing trouble way, buy like you say, out of genuine concern.

I'm aware though that I am the kind of person to take things personally on occasion, especially if it's something I care about and I feel like my voice isn't being listened to, or even worse, not wanted.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Or the partner *is* having an affair.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

i dont think their relationship is great and i think shes searching for reasons and focusing on me

its not me. im no threat. ive no interest

im gonna back off as much as i can

maybe she will calm down and if not and they split i cant be blamed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Or the partner *is* having an affair. "

That's a very good point. Most insecurities aren't born out of nowhere.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"ive never met her or spoken to her

Ask her to meet for a coffee and a chat.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You say it was the gf that split you up 4 years ago.

Daft as it may sound to you she may be feeling insecure because

she's waiting for you to get revenge, especially as 4 years down the line you've never spoken to her or met her. If I was good friends with someone and hadn't met or spoken to their partner that whole time, whilst still being quite a big part of their life I'd think that was a bit odd.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"You say it was the gf that split you up 4 years ago.

Daft as it may sound to you she may be feeling insecure because

i cant fully explain on here but in short.

i wanted revenge 4 years ago. he & I did fall out but over time moved on from it.

our daughters remained friends & went up to secondary together 2 years ago where friendship moved on to best mates. daughter lived with mum. mums had difficulties and i helped mum out

over last 12 months its got worse and recently daughter moved in with her dad

my involvement has remained same for his daughter

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You say it was the gf that split you up 4 years ago.

Daft as it may sound to you she may be feeling insecure because

i cant fully explain on here but in short.

i wanted revenge 4 years ago. he & I did fall out but over time moved on from it.

our daughters remained friends & went up to secondary together 2 years ago where friendship moved on to best mates. daughter lived with mum. mums had difficulties and i helped mum out

over last 12 months its got worse and recently daughter moved in with her dad

my involvement has remained same for his daughter

Got ya, so you and him only started talking again really once the daughter moved in with him.

She should be able to see from that where your priorities lie - with the welfare of the child.

Maybe she also carries a bit of guilt too who knows.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

he and I had always talked/text but about daughter ie arranging maths tutor at my hous/can she stay this weekend etc

We'd not seen each other in person until about 2 months ago when daughter moved in and thats only in cars dropping off/collecting her.

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