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Sex with your Hoover, vacuum cleaner

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I do this but wife is not aware.

We have the pull along type about 2 feet long 14 inches high and I take the hose out and stick my cock in directly into the hole and at times add a small tube so when the air is sucked in and i moved cock in and out, the tube viberates and i do this with the vac on the bed me standing and when i'm almost cuming, lie on top of it in bed and fuck it hard and gosh do i cum. Can only do this when kids and wife not at home. We live in a semi detached house built early 60's so walls not that thick and the elderly lady neighbour once said to me "you was hoovering hard," meaning makes different noises as i fuck it and less air is sucked in.

The other thing i do is fuck a plastic juice bottle that has a large hole put water in it and good suction but not as good as the vac.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I do this but wife is not aware.

We have the pull along type about 2 feet long 14 inches high and I take the hose out and stick my cock in directly into the hole and at times add a small tube so when the air is sucked in and i moved cock in and out, the tube viberates and i do this with the vac on the bed me standing and when i'm almost cuming, lie on top of it in bed and fuck it hard and gosh do i cum. Can only do this when kids and wife not at home. We live in a semi detached house built early 60's so walls not that thick and the elderly lady neighbour once said to me "you was hoovering hard," meaning makes different noises as i fuck it and less air is sucked in.

The other thing i do is fuck a plastic juice bottle that has a large hole put water in it and good suction but not as good as the vac.

"

I've got 33 Mc Donalds apple pies in my fridge

Im wondering what I can use the cardboard sleeves for

I'm a very resourceful woman

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why do you keep posting the same thing ? Do you ge off on people taking the Micky out of you

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

i only posted this in another thread and thought some like minded people may give me tips. you own the forums or the site?

I thought not

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

I love bumming my manual Ewbank from time to time.

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By *nglishdoodMan
over a year ago

Morristown

Holy shit. I'll never be able to look at Henry the same way again.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Sappyofile, for you I suggest a kitchen towel roll/tube, fill it with flour,, cave the front in to round it off, put two condoms on it and trust me you will cum

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Henry is not ideal becsue of the shape ie you cant lie on top of it and fuck it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

An obscure party trick. Give you a household object and you can come up with ways for us to fuck it.

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By *nglishdoodMan
over a year ago

Morristown


"Henry is not ideal becsue of the shape ie you cant lie on top of it and fuck it."

Not with that attitude you can't!

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By *llaboutthewifeCouple
over a year ago

Cardiff

Crikey if you did that with my Miele you would never see your cock again!

Jo

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sappyofile, for you I suggest a kitchen towel roll/tube, fill it with flour,, cave the front in to round it off, put two condoms on it and trust me you will cum "

Do you know, thats not a bad idea

I struggle to get layed these days, and vibrators are 'narf pricey

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By *hebritukCouple
over a year ago

London

Is this advice based on trial and error

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Crikey if you did that with my Miele you would never see your cock again!

Jo"

Them Germans know how to do stuff proppa

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By *BWandhusbandCouple
over a year ago

Midlands

Wife not aware? Well she will be now as this was posted from your couple's profile.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can I ask a question op.... Do you do the actual hoovering at all?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I stick mine up my vag to get all the crumbs out. It does give me an orgasm so I'm killing two birds with one stone.

You're not alone OP, make sure you take care of that vacuum and give her a nice polish and pat to say thanks.

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By *lorious hole bs16Man
over a year ago

Bristol

Would my gloryhole/ milking table not be easier? j

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I stick mine up my vag to get all the crumbs out. It does give me an orgasm so I'm killing two birds with one stone.

You're not alone OP, make sure you take care of that vacuum and give her a nice polish and pat to say thanks.

"

Don't forget to change those filters.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Sappy cucumber, warm it up first, condom on it and or courgett of the size that appeals to u warm it up, rolling pin or unablance your washing machince and push your pussy on the corner with a full load and full spin. best ones are the 200ml spray, deodrant cans, but use 3 condoms to stop the rim catching you pussy inside

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ily Con CarneTV/TS
over a year ago

Cornwall


"Holy shit. I'll never be able to look at Henry the same way again. "

If you do it with Henry you're at the very least Bi....They do a Henrietta version you know

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By * Plus ECouple
over a year ago

The South


"I do this but wife is not aware.

We have the pull along type about 2 feet long 14 inches high and I take the hose out and stick my cock in directly into the hole and at times add a small tube so when the air is sucked in and i moved cock in and out, the tube viberates and i do this with the vac on the bed me standing and when i'm almost cuming, lie on top of it in bed and fuck it hard and gosh do i cum. Can only do this when kids and wife not at home. We live in a semi detached house built early 60's so walls not that thick and the elderly lady neighbour once said to me "you was hoovering hard," meaning makes different noises as i fuck it and less air is sucked in.

The other thing i do is fuck a plastic juice bottle that has a large hole put water in it and good suction but not as good as the vac.

"

Is it a Henry?

M

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

she does not bother reading forums - just chats on the chat/cams when i'm at work but i do not allow her to go on cam incase we get found out ie she accidentally shows her face. thanks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can't imagine how some pillow talk works though....

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By *is BitchCouple
over a year ago

Sheffield


"Wife not aware? Well she will be now as this was posted from your couple's profile."

But is it a couple??

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

Forget your hoover, have you ever tried using a cow milking machine OP?

You can thank me later

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sappy cucumber, warm it up first, condom on it and or courgett of the size that appeals to u warm it up, rolling pin or unablance your washing machince and push your pussy on the corner with a full load and full spin. best ones are the 200ml spray, deodrant cans, but use 3 condoms to stop the rim catching you pussy inside"

You do know that they’ve invented things that actually replicate cocks don’t you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"she does not bother reading forums - just chats on the chat/cams when i'm at work but i do not allow her to go on cam incase we get found out ie she accidentally shows her face. thanks"

You don’t allow her? Are you her husband or her keeper?

That’s what you think she’s doing but in reality she’s having it off with your power tool collection

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is this one of the retirement activities these days?

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By *osweet69Couple
over a year ago

portsmouth

It seems Necessity is the mother of invention.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sappy cucumber, warm it up first, condom on it and or courgett of the size that appeals to u warm it up, rolling pin or unablance your washing machince and push your pussy on the corner with a full load and full spin. best ones are the 200ml spray, deodrant cans, but use 3 condoms to stop the rim catching you pussy inside"

Im favouring the thin end of a butternut squash.

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By * Plus ECouple
over a year ago

The South


"Henry is not ideal becsue of the shape ie you cant lie on top of it and fuck it."

I'd say Henry isn't ideal unless you've caught the ghey.

You'd be better off getting sucked of by a Henrietta.

Unless you're Fab straight if course.

M

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By *carlettxWoman
over a year ago

Essex

I just keep thinking what poor Henry the Hoover’s face looks like at the end of all this .....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ever warmed up chopped chicken livers, put them in a pint glass and had a feel, with your erect penis?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Ever warmed up chopped chicken livers, put them in a pint glass and had a feel, with your erect penis?"

Is there a vegetarian alternative?

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By *nglishdoodMan
over a year ago

Morristown


"Holy shit. I'll never be able to look at Henry the same way again.

If you do it with Henry you're at the very least Bi....They do a Henrietta version you know "

How dare you vac-shame me!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Ever warmed up chopped chicken livers, put them in a pint glass and had a feel, with your erect penis?

Is there a vegetarian alternative?"

Use a carrot instead of a penis

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That sucks

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By *orenzoVonMatterhornMan
over a year ago

Lincoln

This is like the weirdest McGiever episode ever

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By *uzukiNo1Woman
over a year ago

Rhyl

Hope you asked Henry's permission first??!?!?

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By *rivateparts!Man
over a year ago

Walking down the only road I've ever known!


"Hope you asked Henry's permission first??!?!? "

Have you asked Alan

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By *uzukiNo1Woman
over a year ago

Rhyl


"Hope you asked Henry's permission first??!?!?

Have you asked Alan "

He does what I tell him love......you know that....

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By *appytochatMan
over a year ago

Deep in the New Forest

Hope it's a wet vac

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Forget your hoover, have you ever tried using a cow milking machine OP?

You can thank me later "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I tried Hetty years ago. I came back in from a night out and she was just sitting there in the corner with a cute look on her face.

I put 50p in the meter and banged her up against the wall

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *terling2017Woman
over a year ago

birmingham


"I do this but wife is not aware.

We have the pull along type about 2 feet long 14 inches high and I take the hose out and stick my cock in directly into the hole and at times add a small tube so when the air is sucked in and i moved cock in and out, the tube viberates and i do this with the vac on the bed me standing and when i'm almost cuming, lie on top of it in bed and fuck it hard and gosh do i cum. Can only do this when kids and wife not at home. We live in a semi detached house built early 60's so walls not that thick and the elderly lady neighbour once said to me "you was hoovering hard," meaning makes different noises as i fuck it and less air is sucked in.

The other thing i do is fuck a plastic juice bottle that has a large hole put water in it and good suction but not as good as the vac.

"

You need help.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I do this but wife is not aware.

We have the pull along type about 2 feet long 14 inches high and I take the hose out and stick my cock in directly into the hole and at times add a small tube so when the air is sucked in and i moved cock in and out, the tube viberates and i do this with the vac on the bed me standing and when i'm almost cuming, lie on top of it in bed and fuck it hard and gosh do i cum. Can only do this when kids and wife not at home. We live in a semi detached house built early 60's so walls not that thick and the elderly lady neighbour once said to me "you was hoovering hard," meaning makes different noises as i fuck it and less air is sucked in.

The other thing i do is fuck a plastic juice bottle that has a large hole put water in it and good suction but not as good as the vac.

You need help."

Lol

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Ever warmed up chopped chicken livers, put them in a pint glass and had a feel, with your erect penis?

Is there a vegetarian alternative?

Use a carrot instead of a penis"

funny

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you happen to be of the gay and you like kitchen appliances . you could always try a meat grindr

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I tried Hetty years ago. I came back in from a night out and she was just sitting there in the corner with a cute look on her face.

I put 50p in the meter and banged her up against the wall "
lol

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I do this but wife is not aware.

We have the pull along type about 2 feet long 14 inches high and I take the hose out and stick my cock in directly into the hole and at times add a small tube so when the air is sucked in and i moved cock in and out, the tube viberates and i do this with the vac on the bed me standing and when i'm almost cuming, lie on top of it in bed and fuck it hard and gosh do i cum. Can only do this when kids and wife not at home. We live in a semi detached house built early 60's so walls not that thick and the elderly lady neighbour once said to me "you was hoovering hard," meaning makes different noises as i fuck it and less air is sucked in.

The other thing i do is fuck a plastic juice bottle that has a large hole put water in it and good suction but not as good as the vac.

You need help."

So does his hoover

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

It's not a great way to reduce your Carbon footprint

A Polish cleaner lost his job over his fucking his Henry vacuum.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can fuck a plastic bottle. Message me I’ll prove to

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By *0something1965Man
over a year ago

Belfast


"Sappy cucumber, warm it up first, condom on it and or courgett of the size that appeals to u warm it up, rolling pin or unablance your washing machince and push your pussy on the corner with a full load and full spin. best ones are the 200ml spray, deodrant cans, but use 3 condoms to stop the rim catching you pussy inside

Im favouring the thin end of a butternut squash. "

The THIN end? Jesus - I'm doing it all wrong - This explains a lot - thank you!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ok I'm well up for this, but I have a shark vacuum and the fact that it's called a shark, absolutely terrifies me to even try it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Best. Thread. Ever.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Best. Thread. Ever. "
bet you wanna vacuum a few cocks now lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh so that’s why her nickname is dyson!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fucks like a dyson

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Something I just remembered. The jet wash when cleaning the drive a few months back, I got the tube between my legs as washing the drive and noted the massive vibarations on it, i almost came. Going to clean the paths in the garden and will cum

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

J Edgar Hoover.. take a bow

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith

This thread reminds me of a Radio 1 late night show I once listened to. It was a phone-in talk show, and the topic was addictions. One guy called in, and admitted he loved his Lambretta scooter so much, he had actually fucked it via the exhaust pipe

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By *lex46TV/TS
over a year ago

Near Wells

One of nicest sensation I accidentally discovered is that when I start my old 1970's Triumph motorbike and leaving it on tick over the whole thing vibrates and moves loads.

One day I was wearing thin trousers I was sat on it and my balls were just touching the tank

It made me smile but it will never make me cum.

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By *0something1965Man
over a year ago

Belfast


"One of nicest sensation I accidentally discovered is that when I start my old 1970's Triumph motorbike and leaving it on tick over the whole thing vibrates and moves loads.

One day I was wearing thin trousers I was sat on it and my balls were just touching the tank

It made me smile but it will never make me cum. "

You could put your breasts on the tsnk and see what happens.

At least you could say "Tanks for the mammaries"!

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By *ave-and-LouiseCouple
over a year ago

Torquay

Don't think I'll try that with the Dyson... Not sure the filters are designed for cum...

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By *bmarley77Man
over a year ago

Nr Derby

I stick the frying pan handle up my A-hole.... Saves me buying a prostate massager. If I bend over to fill the dish washer... Bonus... I crack a couple of eggs and rest the pan on the hob.....a bit of bacon, and wham bam, a full English and a cheeky bum tickle.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP have you ever considered sex with another person? May be almost as good as an appliance

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Be careful, you'll chop your cock off.

Man chops cock off fucking vacuum cleaner:

https://groups.google.com/forum/m/#!topic/alt.folklore.urban/ZEdlz_NpdSg

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By *llaboutthewifeCouple
over a year ago

Cardiff

Did the hoover thing when I was about 15 years old. Glad to say I moved on from there! Don't think I ever mentioned it to my other half

Paul

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By *andonmessMan
over a year ago

A world all of his own

I erm...No I've got nothing.

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By *uzukiNo1Woman
over a year ago

Rhyl

Jesus h Christ I've entered the fab version of the twilight zone....

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By *thena123Woman
over a year ago

Swansea

Oh good god, I'd be devastated if you were my husband....id be constantly unblocking the poor thing....i hope you clean it after you use it.xxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I legit read this whole thread like..

Is there an emoji with a jaw dropping effect?

Eve. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Damn i just sold my vacuum..it was only collecting dust

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

Entertaining

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By *omaMan
over a year ago

Glasgow


"Henry is not ideal becsue of the shape ie you cant lie on top of it and fuck it."

It worries me that you've even contemplated this . . More if you've tried it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Henry is not ideal becsue of the shape ie you cant lie on top of it and fuck it.

It worries me that you've even contemplated this . . More if you've tried it "

exactly.. it should be the Henrietta the female vac

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just sold a Buddhist a vacuum cleaner...

it had no attachments

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By *uciyassMan
over a year ago

sheffield

I use my dyson v8 cordless as I can go out into the garden and pretend I’m a dalek

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Treat with respect

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By *andy 1Couple
over a year ago

northeast

the best I have seen is the ball on a tow bar

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This made my fucking year.

Tears streaming down my face here

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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

Can't remember the last time I laughed so hard reading a thread

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By *ookie46Woman
over a year ago

Deepest darkest Peru


"This made my fucking year.

Tears streaming down my face here "

I literally cannot breathe

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I really must be in a grotter of a mood coz I haven't laughed once and I just wanna headbutt the OP for vacuum abuse.

P

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By *ustme34Man
over a year ago

Bradford

I cant believe you all missed it to begin with

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I cant believe you all missed it to begin with "

I know, I’m so disappointed in myself.

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By *ackieSteveCouple
over a year ago

Newbridge


"Henry is not ideal becsue of the shape ie you cant lie on top of it and fuck it.

Not with that attitude you can't! "

Hahahahahaha

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By *ustme34Man
over a year ago

Bradford


"I cant believe you all missed it to begin with

I know, I’m so disappointed in myself. "
and its so much more than a Hoover. Theres a full range of household items that are not safe around OP

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By *ove3funCouple
over a year ago

Cheltenham


"I just keep thinking what poor Henry the Hoover’s face looks like at the end of all this ..... "

Like a plasterer's radio

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By *ookie46Woman
over a year ago

Deepest darkest Peru


"I cant believe you all missed it to begin with "

I was probably practicing my bowling

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By *entleman55Man
over a year ago

S’th West Mc/r


"I cant believe you all missed it to begin with

I was probably practicing my bowling "

10 pin

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By *entleman55Man
over a year ago

S’th West Mc/r

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My pet hamster went in my hoover and died.

Apparrently nothing can survive in a vacuum

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By *uciyassMan
over a year ago

sheffield

There was this once at band camp that Jacob the oboe player dared me to fuck Sally Ann’s clarinet He said it would be fun

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can’t believe i missed this, forum comedy gold

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Can’t believe i missed this, forum comedy gold "

yes but poor Henry needs counselling

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I do this but wife is not aware.

We have the pull along type about 2 feet long 14 inches high and I take the hose out and stick my cock in directly into the hole and at times add a small tube so when the air is sucked in and i moved cock in and out, the tube viberates and i do this with the vac on the bed me standing and when i'm almost cuming, lie on top of it in bed and fuck it hard and gosh do i cum. Can only do this when kids and wife not at home. We live in a semi detached house built early 60's so walls not that thick and the elderly lady neighbour once said to me "you was hoovering hard," meaning makes different noises as i fuck it and less air is sucked in.

The other thing i do is fuck a plastic juice bottle that has a large hole put water in it and good suction but not as good as the vac.

"

Thank you for sharing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Damn i just sold my vacuum..it was only collecting dust "

Aw, that sucks

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By *unkym34Man
over a year ago

London

love this thread has made me laugh so so much

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i only posted this in another thread and thought some like minded people may give me tips. you own the forums or the site?

I thought not"

my tip is keep away from the blender

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I do this but wife is not aware.

We have the pull along type about 2 feet long 14 inches high and I take the hose out and stick my cock in directly into the hole and at times add a small tube so when the air is sucked in and i moved cock in and out, the tube viberates and i do this with the vac on the bed me standing and when i'm almost cuming, lie on top of it in bed and fuck it hard and gosh do i cum. Can only do this when kids and wife not at home. We live in a semi detached house built early 60's so walls not that thick and the elderly lady neighbour once said to me "you was hoovering hard," meaning makes different noises as i fuck it and less air is sucked in.

The other thing i do is fuck a plastic juice bottle that has a large hole put water in it and good suction but not as good as the vac.

"
I have a blender

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wonder if the op is getting mixed up with vacuum cleaners and hoes

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By *izzymonkeyMan
over a year ago

Hiding In A Bush

Good Old Henry.....my favourite lover...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Good Old Henry.....my favourite lover... "

he wears them out... he's now on Henry VIII

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By *hoenixAdAstraWoman
over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows


"she does not bother reading forums - just chats on the chat/cams when i'm at work but i do not allow her to go on cam incase we get found out ie she accidentally shows her face. thanks

You don’t allow her? Are you her husband or her keeper?

That’s what you think she’s doing but in reality she’s having it off with your power tool collection "

Not a very good keeper then...

Pretty sure she started a thread a few days ago, or maybe 'she' didn't.

Either way, I've had a shitty 24hrs and needed something to make me chuckle

Cheers OP

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Been considering leaving fab for a while. But how can I ever consider leaving with chat like this!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When you clean out a vacuum cleaner,you become a vacuum cleaner

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By *uperGuy68Man
over a year ago

Southampton


"Don't think I'll try that with the Dyson... Not sure the filters are designed for cum... "

You’ll be OK, they’re washable filters!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 21/08/19 10:38:31]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was working in a food factory and really wanted to stick my dick in the cheese grater...

...she was very attractive.

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

Erm...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are some really strange people on here reading this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There are some really strange people on here reading this. "

I hope it is just people having a laugh... they can’t be serious????!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hired an east European to vaccuum my house..she was hopeless... turned out she was a Slovak !

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By *0something1965Man
over a year ago

Belfast

Oh my God! Ypu people are makg a Miele out of this!

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By *qua vitaeWoman
over a year ago

Shropshire/Midlands


"she does not bother reading forums - just chats on the chat/cams when i'm at work but i do not allow her to go on cam incase we get found out ie she accidentally shows her face. thanks"

Didn’t ‘she’ post a thread last week OP?

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38


"Can I ask a question op.... Do you do the actual hoovering at all? "

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38


"Oh my God! Ypu people are makg a Miele out of this!"

lol

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

I love the forum....cheers me up no end

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By *ong legs n LingeireWoman
over a year ago

it up to me neck. :-)

Jesus!!

Forums are really on fire tonight!!

What has this place become????

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By *onbons_xxMan
over a year ago

Bolton


"Jesus!!

Forums are really on fire tonight!!

What has this place become????"

Tales of the Unexpected

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By *ong legs n LingeireWoman
over a year ago

it up to me neck. :-)


"Jesus!!

Forums are really on fire tonight!!

What has this place become????

Tales of the Unexpected "

Yeah very unexpected!!!

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By *0something1965Man
over a year ago

Belfast


"Jesus!!

Forums are really on fire tonight!!

What has this place become????

Tales of the Unexpected

Yeah very unexpected!!!"

Dont touch that Dahl!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bump for funniest thread nominees

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Bump for funniest thread nominees "

Haha. This was one of the funniest!!

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch


"Bump for funniest thread nominees "

Totally agree or your d*unk one Boldy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Bump for funniest thread nominees

Totally agree or your d*unk one Boldy "

Omg. NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Bump for funniest thread nominees

Totally agree or your d*unk one Boldy

Omg. NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! "

Yes!! Forgot about that one!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Love this thread

Its a thing of beauty

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Bump for funniest thread nominees

Totally agree or your d*unk one Boldy

Omg. NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Yes!! Forgot about that one! "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Love this thread

Its a thing of beauty"

Couple of Just Clares contributions are wonderful too

But i cant find them

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

This thread sucks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This thread sucks "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

is it a henry because your dick must be sore after that surely

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I do this but wife is not aware.

We have the pull along type about 2 feet long 14 inches high and I take the hose out and stick my cock in directly into the hole and at times add a small tube so when the air is sucked in and i moved cock in and out, the tube viberates and i do this with the vac on the bed me standing and when i'm almost cuming, lie on top of it in bed and fuck it hard and gosh do i cum. Can only do this when kids and wife not at home. We live in a semi detached house built early 60's so walls not that thick and the elderly lady neighbour once said to me "you was hoovering hard," meaning makes different noises as i fuck it and less air is sucked in.

The other thing i do is fuck a plastic juice bottle that has a large hole put water in it and good suction but not as good as the vac.

"

Have you thought of having sex with your wife? Crazy idea I know but you might find it more enjoyable than the hard plastic tube you keep shagging.

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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest


"Bump for funniest thread nominees

Totally agree or your d*unk one Boldy

Omg. NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Yes!! Forgot about that one! "

Epic thread. Never laughed harder than with this one

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By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

I tried this and I have to say Henry just doesn't respect me any more. The expression on his face has changed to one of condescending disappointment. Luke

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bookmarking.

Everytime if feel crap, will come back to read this and guaranteed to laugh the henry out of me. Will probably eviscerate my guts laughing.

OP, you dont know it, but you just became a legend. Fool's gold.

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By *uietlykinkymeWoman
over a year ago

kinky land

I have no more words

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By *rwhowhatwherewhyMan
over a year ago

Aylesbury

I tried as a teenager but I was too filthy to fit in the tube

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If a man fucks a Henry, is he gay?

..or can he call it Henrietta?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Am I the only 1 wondering if you spunk in the hoover tube then doesn't it clog/collect in it and possibly block!

I'd be fuming if I went to unblock my Hoover and realise it was dusty spunk clogging it lol

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

Doubt my Henry vac would approve!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Doubt my Henry vac would approve!"

Would he be jealous?

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By *entleman55Man
over a year ago

S’th West Mc/r

My Hetty is getting jealous

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By *ookie46Woman
over a year ago

Deepest darkest Peru

My favourite thread

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By *entleman55Man
over a year ago

S’th West Mc/r


"My favourite thread "

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By *hatYorkLadMan
over a year ago

York

I like to slip my Dyson V11 a length so I can watch my jizz flying around the cylinder at 125,000 rpm

I may also be completely making that up

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By *octor DeleriumMan
over a year ago

Wellingborough

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1580535/Worker-caught-having-sex-with-Henry-Hoover.html

https://drmarkgriffiths.wordpress.com/2014/12/22/hoover-damn-a-brief-look-at-sexual-injury-by-vacuum-cleaners/

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I like to slip my Dyson V11 a length so I can watch my jizz flying around the cylinder at 125,000 rpm

I may also be completely making that up "

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38


"I like to slip my Dyson V11 a length so I can watch my jizz flying around the cylinder at 125,000 rpm

I may also be completely making that up "

Yeah..we believe you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I like to slip my Dyson V11 a length so I can watch my jizz flying around the cylinder at 125,000 rpm

I may also be completely making that up

Yeah..we believe you "
i don't

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38


"I like to slip my Dyson V11 a length so I can watch my jizz flying around the cylinder at 125,000 rpm

I may also be completely making that up

Yeah..we believe you i don't "

There's always one

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By *oneypot40Woman
over a year ago

Taunton

[Removed by poster at 06/12/19 17:26:55]

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38


"I like to slip my Dyson V11 a length so I can watch my jizz flying around the cylinder at 125,000 rpm

I may also be completely making that up "

warranty won't cover that you know

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By *erry bull1Man
over a year ago

doncaster

Curry’s now have a demonstration room for men wanting to try vacuum cleaners

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I like to slip my Dyson V11 a length so I can watch my jizz flying around the cylinder at 125,000 rpm

I may also be completely making that up

Yeah..we believe you i don't

There's always one "
well their will be more a long in a minute

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By *ustme34Man
over a year ago

Bradford


"Bump for funniest thread nominees "
I'd forgot about this thread

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Much better with a vax wet and dry cleaner. You get sloppy seconds too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Bump for funniest thread nominees I'd forgot about this thread "

It’s etched into my brain forever

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By *hatYorkLadMan
over a year ago

York

All I can think of is 'Special officer Doofy' from Scary Movie...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So funny. I'll not look at my Hoover the same again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I do this but wife is not aware.

We have the pull along type about 2 feet long 14 inches high and I take the hose out and stick my cock in directly into the hole and at times add a small tube so when the air is sucked in and i moved cock in and out, the tube viberates and i do this with the vac on the bed me standing and when i'm almost cuming, lie on top of it in bed and fuck it hard and gosh do i cum. Can only do this when kids and wife not at home. We live in a semi detached house built early 60's so walls not that thick and the elderly lady neighbour once said to me "you was hoovering hard," meaning makes different noises as i fuck it and less air is sucked in.

The other thing i do is fuck a plastic juice bottle that has a large hole put water in it and good suction but not as good as the vac.

"

Be careful or you could dyson (die son) bad joke I know. It sucks....

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What with Henry surely not hea far too straight…

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By *uzukiNo1Woman
over a year ago

Rhyl


"What with Henry surely not hea far too straight… "

In English Smithy lad.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What with Henry surely not hea far too straight…

In English Smithy lad.....

"

Damn fat fingers, gonna have to get myself a bigger phone..

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *uzukiNo1Woman
over a year ago

Rhyl


"What with Henry surely not hea far too straight…

In English Smithy lad.....

Damn fat fingers, gonna have to get myself a bigger phone..

"

Fat fingers you say...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What with Henry surely not hea far too straight…

In English Smithy lad.....

Damn fat fingers, gonna have to get myself a bigger phone..

Fat fingers you say... "

Or maybe its arthritis…

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By *uzukiNo1Woman
over a year ago

Rhyl


"What with Henry surely not hea far too straight…

In English Smithy lad.....

Damn fat fingers, gonna have to get myself a bigger phone..

Fat fingers you say...

Or maybe its arthritis… "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think that is maybe enough Internet tonight

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By *aughtyLondonGuyMan
over a year ago

london

Why don’t you try a lawn mower too? I’ve heard it’s brilliant

Let me know how it goes

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By *hatYorkLadMan
over a year ago

York


"Why don’t you try a lawn mower too? I’ve heard it’s brilliant

Let me know how it goes "

Don't give him ideas! There will be loads of those tree shredders around in a few weeks, he might end up feeding his chopper through the chopper!

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By *aughtyLondonGuyMan
over a year ago

london


"Why don’t you try a lawn mower too? I’ve heard it’s brilliant

Let me know how it goes

Don't give him ideas! There will be loads of those tree shredders around in a few weeks, he might end up feeding his chopper through the chopper! "

Haha

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