FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to The Lounge

Gaslighting??

Jump to newest
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

So I was speaking to a friend earlier and she mentioned a ex gaslights her.

So as you you Google go on the forums and search what the hell this means... As you do right now (Google is your friend)

What I want to know after her speaking to the police and them not being interested in helping

What else can she do ??

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Get the shotgun

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Call a private detective

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If it's an ex then surely just ignore him or her.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe


"So I was speaking to a friend earlier and she mentioned a ex gaslights her.

So as you you Google go on the forums and search what the hell this means... As you do right now (Google is your friend)

What I want to know after her speaking to the police and them not being interested in helping

What else can she do ??"

It only has an effect if you let it, if you can be confident enough to say "I don't care about your opinion" then it has no impact.

Cal

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

I know what gaslighting means.

It's just a modern term for an age old problem.

This is what she should do.... and it is FUCKING foolproof.....

Don't speak to him.

The end.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

and as he's an EX there is no problem.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton

"Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or in members of a targeted group, making them question their own memory, perception, and sanity."

Based on THIS description, nothing illegal has occurred, though the behaviour is poor. However by your friend continue to pursue action against, she is still manipulated, in that she cares and the gaslighter is still impacting her sanity and emotional state. Therefore my advice would be, walk away, breathe some new air into your life and do not give succour to the offending article

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

[Removed by poster at 15/08/19 17:04:39]

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *manaWoman
over a year ago

Basingstoke

Stop contact first off.

If it's a past abusive relationship then get her to call victim support, as someone who unfortunately has had similar I know they can help in many ways xx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Get the shotgun "

And the shovel

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"Get the shotgun

And the shovel "

Really ? Cos they had an argument for a long long time ?

He should die ?

Don't be ex number 2 now jimi..... or your days are numbered.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Get the shotgun

And the shovel

Really ? Cos they had an argument for a long long time ?

He should die ?

Don't be ex number 2 now jimi..... or your days are numbered. "
no im in an over reaction mode you just killed me for being a tiger

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *manaWoman
over a year ago

Basingstoke

I'm just going to add that if it's from an abusive relationship its VERY easy to judge and just say 'well theres no problem', much much harder after years of abuse.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She has to block him on any phone and social media. Keep a diary of any attempts he makes to contact her via any/other means. If it’s really badly affecting her, if he was/is abusive contact organisations trained at helping women like her. Hope she’s going to be ok xx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"She has to block him on any phone and social media. Keep a diary of any attempts he makes to contact her via any/other means. If it’s really badly affecting her, if he was/is abusive contact organisations trained at helping women like her. Hope she’s going to be ok xx

"

I agree with this. It's so hard to break away from people like this. Just keep being her friend and supporting her

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *liceinWonderland38Woman
over a year ago

Coventry

There’s something called the grey stone technique, tell her to google it. Essentially cut contact, make herself completely stone like- no emotion, no feeling, no response, no reply.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *untimes6969Man
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne


"She has to block him on any phone and social media. Keep a diary of any attempts he makes to contact her via any/other means. If it’s really badly affecting her, if he was/is abusive contact organisations trained at helping women like her. Hope she’s going to be ok xx

Great advice - got to stop all contact, it's the only way to get out of these types of situations! Stop feeding the fire and it will go out eventually!

I agree with this. It's so hard to break away from people like this. Just keep being her friend and supporting her "

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet


"I'm just going to add that if it's from an abusive relationship its VERY easy to judge and just say 'well theres no problem', much much harder after years of abuse."

Agreed, very naive to say "it's an ex, ignore".

Not so easy if you have kids together, or live in the same area.

I'd advise her to look at the Womens Aid website, or speak to them.

Keep records of all incidents and I'd contact the police again with evidence, particularly if she feels threatened or in physical danger.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

She's already done the most important thing which is to recognise it. That way she can be stronger than him and not let it affect her in the way he wants.

I doubt what he's doing is illegal, so all she can do is put up barriers to prevent communication from him.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm just going to add that if it's from an abusive relationship its VERY easy to judge and just say 'well theres no problem', much much harder after years of abuse.

Agreed, very naive to say "it's an ex, ignore".

Not so easy if you have kids together, or live in the same area.

I'd advise her to look at the Womens Aid website, or speak to them.

Keep records of all incidents and I'd contact the police again with evidence, particularly if she feels threatened or in physical danger.

"

Evidence of what though?

Gaslighting isn't physical threats

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"Get the shotgun

And the shovel

Really ? Cos they had an argument for a long long time ?

He should die ?

Don't be ex number 2 now jimi..... or your days are numbered. no im in an over reaction mode you just killed me for being a tiger"

I did. You are right Tigers can't use shotguns

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm just going to add that if it's from an abusive relationship its VERY easy to judge and just say 'well theres no problem', much much harder after years of abuse.

Agreed, very naive to say "it's an ex, ignore".

Not so easy if you have kids together, or live in the same area.

I'd advise her to look at the Womens Aid website, or speak to them.

Keep records of all incidents and I'd contact the police again with evidence, particularly if she feels threatened or in physical danger.

"

The law was changed in 2015.

www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/everything-you-need-to-know-about-the-new-psychological-abuse-law-a6789271.html

www.gov.uk/guidance/domestic-abuse-how-to-get-help

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Get the shotgun

And the shovel

Really ? Cos they had an argument for a long long time ?

He should die ?

Don't be ex number 2 now jimi..... or your days are numbered. no im in an over reaction mode you just killed me for being a tiger

I did. You are right Tigers can't use shotguns"

Definitely a man

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ultrySiriWoman
over a year ago

Arundel

I would second contacting Women's Aid.. National Domestic Abuse helpline, social service if kids involved.. and local women charities, such as women centre. They usually provide courses to help survivors leave safely or set healthy boundaries and implement safety measures/changes..

Best thing she did was to speak up. It takes a courage.. and gaslightning i believe can be classed as a form of coercive behaviour/DA

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"Get the shotgun

And the shovel

Really ? Cos they had an argument for a long long time ?

He should die ?

Don't be ex number 2 now jimi..... or your days are numbered. no im in an over reaction mode you just killed me for being a tiger

I did. You are right Tigers can't use shotguns

Definitely a man "

Who is ?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"There’s something called the grey stone technique, tell her to google it. Essentially cut contact, make herself completely stone like- no emotion, no feeling, no response, no reply.

"

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Look at doing the Freedom Programme. There is an online version but it can help to go to sessions with other people. (There is a version for men too).

It is primarily about domestic abuse but covers gaslighting too.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ewrocksWoman
over a year ago

button moon

My ex has spent 10 yrs doing this. Few months ago I just stopped responding. He got worse and worse, bit I just kept blocking all new contact. Screen shooting all the abuse, and he seems to be loosing interest.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Cut off ALL contact.

I fucking mean it.

P

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ensualtouch15Man
over a year ago

ashby de la zouch


""Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or in members of a targeted group, making them question their own memory, perception, and sanity."

Based on THIS description, nothing illegal has occurred, though the behaviour is poor. However by your friend continue to pursue action against, she is still manipulated, in that she cares and the gaslighter is still impacting her sanity and emotional state. Therefore my advice would be, walk away, breathe some new air into your life and do not give succour to the offending article"

Could it be suggested in law it's a, harassment and b, would not one of the body harm acronyms cover psychological distress

It seems so easy for us to say ignore, for many of us it would be but this behaviour and programming began while in the relationship, chemicals and neural pathways have been set to a degree it's hard to understand, but dammn iv seen it and I'd go so far to say it can permanently ruin a person's life !

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *lex D.Man
over a year ago

London


"So I was speaking to a friend earlier and she mentioned a ex gaslights her.

So as you you Google go on the forums and search what the hell this means... As you do right now (Google is your friend)

What I want to know after her speaking to the police and them not being interested in helping

What else can she do ??"

She needs to ask him kindly to stay away if she doesn't want gaslightened. If she does this she can then call the police if je pursues. The crime will fall under assault through trespass to the person. xx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By *lex D.Man
over a year ago

London


"Cut off ALL contact.

I fucking mean it.

P"

Yes. This.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top