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"I've knitted one and pearled one, and I've dropped one and curled one - what should I do next Auntie P? " You don't get a vodka drink, lager drink or whiskey drink. That would be mixing and that leads to an upset tummy and many toilet trips. You revel in your greatness and fact there are no end to your talents. I'll have a scarf for crimbo ta very much | |||
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"Hot sweats how do I tell them to f*ck off?" You get rid of the * and replace it with a u. New job as a refrigeration tester. | |||
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"I've knitted one and pearled one, and I've dropped one and curled one - what should I do next Auntie P? You don't get a vodka drink, lager drink or whiskey drink. That would be mixing and that leads to an upset tummy and many toilet trips. You revel in your greatness and fact there are no end to your talents. I'll have a scarf for crimbo ta very much " You're the bestest Auntie P - I'll make you a special jumper as a thank you | |||
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"A friend of mine is into necrophilia, beastiality and bondage ... are they just flogging a dead horse?" I would say so. There's a old mare I'd like to send their way if they're interested. | |||
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"I've knitted one and pearled one, and I've dropped one and curled one - what should I do next Auntie P? You don't get a vodka drink, lager drink or whiskey drink. That would be mixing and that leads to an upset tummy and many toilet trips. You revel in your greatness and fact there are no end to your talents. I'll have a scarf for crimbo ta very much You're the bestest Auntie P - I'll make you a special jumper as a thank you " Oooooo great, super, smashing. Small in size. One size up from a cabbage patch doll should be snug | |||
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"A friend of mine is into necrophilia, beastiality and bondage ... are they just flogging a dead horse? I would say so. There's a old mare I'd like to send their way if they're interested." 
Naughty Auntie P  | |||
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"Hey Auntie P, longtime reader first time seeker of help...:D Met a curious person who could be the worst idea ever or the best thing since mooncups....this is the first meet where I've felt matched and challenged for a while. Do I go for it or hold back and see? " Oooooo interesting and all kinds of exciting. You go for it (providing it isn't B of course as that would mean all kinds of murderous nastiness). Make sure you take a body bag with you, coz if the meet makes mooncups into nothing better than a square wheel you may wanna sneak the magician into the cupboard under the stairs and feed them on vagina juice and pizza until the end of days | |||
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"Bored at work Auntie P, how can I shake things up "You.... do..... theeeeeeeeeeee Shake n vac and put the freshness back, dooooo the shake n vac and put the freshness back. When your carpet smells fresh the room does toooooooo so every time you vacuum you know just what to do | |||
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 ). I want to go on holiday now. How do I get rid of the urge to book somewhere last minute? | |||
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"Bored at work Auntie P, how can I shake things up
You.... do..... theeeeeeeeeeee
Shake n vac and put the freshness back, dooooo the shake n vac and put the freshness back. When your carpet smells fresh the room does toooooooo so every time you vacuum you know just what to do "Thanks Auntie P, made me laugh 
You definitely have shake & vac on your mind lately  | |||
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"Dear Auntie P My friend has sent me photos of Mexico (mainly to show off his V I think ). I want to go on holiday now. How do I get rid of the urge to book somewhere last minute? "I'll tell you how woman. You remind yourself that your funds will be better spent on your wedding  and I'll cast a spell over Mexico or wherever your urges want to take you so that it pisses down the whole time and gets ravaged with a pubic lice epeidemiccy outbreak | |||
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"Bored at work Auntie P, how can I shake things up
You.... do..... theeeeeeeeeeee
Shake n vac and put the freshness back, dooooo the shake n vac and put the freshness back. When your carpet smells fresh the room does toooooooo so every time you vacuum you know just what to do
Thanks Auntie P, made me laugh
You definitely have shake & vac on your mind lately "Twice now I've nearly bought it. I learned yesterday they do a lemon flavour these days. I got to the till and ran it back to the shelf | |||
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"Dear Auntie P My friend has sent me photos of Mexico (mainly to show off his V I think ). I want to go on holiday now. How do I get rid of the urge to book somewhere last minute?
I'll tell you how woman. You remind yourself that your funds will be better spent on your wedding and I'll cast a spell over Mexico or wherever your urges want to take you so that it pisses down the whole time and gets ravaged with a pubic lice epeidemiccy outbreak " Thanks witchy P. | |||
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"cuntwafle love it...I'm good thanks the cuntwafles are no where to be seen today..I'm making the most of it, they are never far away "Love a cuntwaffle free zone. Makes the oxygen seem so much easier to inhale | |||
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"Dear Auntie P My friend has sent me photos of Mexico (mainly to show off his V I think ). I want to go on holiday now. How do I get rid of the urge to book somewhere last minute?
I'll tell you how woman. You remind yourself that your funds will be better spent on your wedding and I'll cast a spell over Mexico or wherever your urges want to take you so that it pisses down the whole time and gets ravaged with a pubic lice epeidemiccy outbreak
Thanks witchy P. "Courtesy of ...... The Witchy and Scraaaatchy Shoooooow | |||
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"Dear Auntie P My friend has sent me photos of Mexico (mainly to show off his V I think ). I want to go on holiday now. How do I get rid of the urge to book somewhere last minute?
I'll tell you how woman. You remind yourself that your funds will be better spent on your wedding and I'll cast a spell over Mexico or wherever your urges want to take you so that it pisses down the whole time and gets ravaged with a pubic lice epeidemiccy outbreak "pmsl...and Meli your getting married how lovely congrats x | |||
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"Hello Aunty P... Can I have a cheese burger and not get fat? " Course you can, just make sure Rubes doesn't wash her feet for a week and then alternate chowing down on her cheesy feet and fur burger. | |||
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"Dear Auntie P My friend has sent me photos of Mexico (mainly to show off his V I think ). I want to go on holiday now. How do I get rid of the urge to book somewhere last minute?
I'll tell you how woman. You remind yourself that your funds will be better spent on your wedding and I'll cast a spell over Mexico or wherever your urges want to take you so that it pisses down the whole time and gets ravaged with a pubic lice epeidemiccy outbreak
pmsl...and Meli your getting married how lovely congrats x"Aww thanks! | |||
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"Hello Aunty P... Can I have a cheese burger and not get fat? Course you can, just make sure Rubes doesn't wash her feet for a week and then alternate chowing down on her cheesy feet and fur burger." Fuck sake, I've already had one wank at work today. | |||
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"Hello Aunty P... Can I have a cheese burger and not get fat? Course you can, just make sure Rubes doesn't wash her feet for a week and then alternate chowing down on her cheesy feet and fur burger. Fuck sake, I've already had one wank at work today." Easy now Tweety-pie, you'll soon be ejaculating steam | |||
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"Hello Aunty P... Can I have a cheese burger and not get fat? Course you can, just make sure Rubes doesn't wash her feet for a week and then alternate chowing down on her cheesy feet and fur burger. Fuck sake, I've already had one wank at work today. Easy now Tweety-pie, you'll soon be ejaculating steam " Like a vaper on a cold day | |||
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"Dear Auntie P I have an itch I need scratching and I’m unable to unitch the itch myself despite furious scratching. I am in need of an itch scratcher. Your help would be greatly appreciated. YeOldeItchDoc x" Borrow Peter Griffins buttscratcher or wear a gauntlet and buy yourself a vulture and name it Xerces | |||
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"Yep, I've got the day off. Hit me, hit me, hit me with your whinging stick. How can I help today? What's on your noggin? Someone being a cuntwaffle? Toaster got a life of it's own? Come on, tell me... what's up buttercup?" How do I get auntie p to sit on y face?   | |||
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"Dear Auntie P I have an itch I need scratching and I’m unable to unitch the itch myself despite furious scratching. I am in need of an itch scratcher. Your help would be greatly appreciated. YeOldeItchDoc x Borrow Peter Griffins buttscratcher or wear a gauntlet and buy yourself a vulture and name it Xerces " Over my dead body will I have a vulture | |||
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"Intense sleep deprivation. Without murdering everyone, how do I deal? " I could bore you to sleep | |||
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"How do you get over someone? Like properly. " I fear this may be a serious question that one of my limited experience may struggle with. So aside from the smart arsed comments like use a ladder I would have to say cut ties. Doesn't work for everyone and can be as a drastic final resort that there may not be any coming back from. | |||
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"Intense sleep deprivation. Without murdering everyone, how do I deal? I could bore you to sleep "You're sorted now swing. | |||
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"Intense sleep deprivation. Without murdering everyone, how do I deal? " Many games of solitaire (the card game) you'll be the dealer as you're the only bugger playing and it will bore you to sleep | |||
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"Intense sleep deprivation. Without murdering everyone, how do I deal? I could bore you to sleep
You're sorted now swing. "There speaks the voice of experience | |||
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"Yep, I've got the day off. Hit me, hit me, hit me with your whinging stick. How can I help today? What's on your noggin? Someone being a cuntwaffle? Toaster got a life of it's own? Come on, tell me... what's up buttercup? How do I get auntie p to sit on y face? "Disguise yourself as my sofa, I rarely sit on the chair. I also tend not to look into to toilet before plonking my arse so that's a good hidey-hole too | |||
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"Intense sleep deprivation. Without murdering everyone, how do I deal? I could bore you to sleep
You're sorted now swing.
There speaks the voice of experience " Nah, Doc's chat is waaaaay too stimulating to ever fall asleep mid re... | |||
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"Intense sleep deprivation. Without murdering everyone, how do I deal? I could bore you to sleep
You're sorted now swing. " | |||
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"Dear Auntie P, My boy toy has asked me to grow out my pubes and not wash my feet but I am still trying to get rid of the lice and mice, I need no hair and no cheesey smells. What can I do!?! " I've been there and done that. It shows you they still want you no matter how minging you feel. Roll with it. Your whole body will feel like it's covered in a huge itchy sock elastic mark but the relief is worth it.... only once in your life mind. | |||
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"Dear Auntie P, My boy toy has asked me to grow out my pubes and not wash my feet but I am still trying to get rid of the lice and mice, I need no hair and no cheesey smells. What can I do!?! I've been there and done that. It shows you they still want you no matter how minging you feel. Roll with it. Your whole body will feel like it's covered in a huge itchy sock elastic mark but the relief is worth it.... only once in your life mind."  | |||
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"Yep, I've got the day off. Hit me, hit me, hit me with your whinging stick. How can I help today? What's on your noggin? Someone being a cuntwaffle? Toaster got a life of it's own? Come on, tell me... what's up buttercup? How do I get auntie p to sit on y face?
Disguise yourself as my sofa, I rarely sit on the chair. I also tend not to look into to toilet before plonking my arse so that's a good hidey-hole too"A Fab version of Moaning Myrtle - LabiaLicking Lily | |||
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"Intense sleep deprivation. Without murdering everyone, how do I deal? I could bore you to sleep
You're sorted now swing.
There speaks the voice of experience
Nah, Doc's chat is waaaaay too stimulating to ever fall asleep mid re..." | |||
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"My left hand found out what my right hands been up to and now wants in on the action. Thing is,my right hand doesn't like my left hand and wants nothing to do with him. Yes,it's a two handed problem Please help." Sit on your right hand to keep it out of the way and introduce them to each other slowly, make sure the left hand has treats for the right hand to subdue it a bit. If the right hand really really doesn't like the left then you have to trust it's instinct and get rid of the lefty. Hacksaw should do the job. | |||
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"Yep, I've got the day off. Hit me, hit me, hit me with your whinging stick. How can I help today? What's on your noggin? Someone being a cuntwaffle? Toaster got a life of it's own? Come on, tell me... what's up buttercup? How do I get auntie p to sit on y face?
Disguise yourself as my sofa, I rarely sit on the chair. I also tend not to look into to toilet before plonking my arse so that's a good hidey-hole too
A Fab version of Moaning Myrtle - LabiaLicking Lily" | |||
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"Auntie some stole my photos and keeps sending them back to me with icing sugar all over them. What should I do "Awwww how sweet. Firstly you don't eat the icing sugar. Secondly you send it for DNA testing as you got yourself a super fan. Failing that scrape the icing sugar off into a bucket and you got ready made wallpaper paste for next time you redecorate | |||
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"Yep, I've got the day off. Hit me, hit me, hit me with your whinging stick. How can I help today? What's on your noggin? Someone being a cuntwaffle? Toaster got a life of it's own? Come on, tell me... what's up buttercup? How do I get auntie p to sit on y face?
Disguise yourself as my sofa, I rarely sit on the chair. I also tend not to look into to toilet before plonking my arse so that's a good hidey-hole too
A Fab version of Moaning Myrtle - LabiaLicking Lily
"Or a kind of Fab Arthurian legend figure Lily of the Lav | |||
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"Yep, I've got the day off. Hit me, hit me, hit me with your whinging stick. How can I help today? What's on your noggin? Someone being a cuntwaffle? Toaster got a life of it's own? Come on, tell me... what's up buttercup? How do I get auntie p to sit on y face?
Disguise yourself as my sofa, I rarely sit on the chair. I also tend not to look into to toilet before plonking my arse so that's a good hidey-hole too
A Fab version of Moaning Myrtle - LabiaLicking Lily
Or a kind of Fab Arthurian legend figure
Lily of the Lav"I want one | |||
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"Yep, I've got the day off. Hit me, hit me, hit me with your whinging stick. How can I help today? What's on your noggin? Someone being a cuntwaffle? Toaster got a life of it's own? Come on, tell me... what's up buttercup? How do I get auntie p to sit on y face?
Disguise yourself as my sofa, I rarely sit on the chair. I also tend not to look into to toilet before plonking my arse so that's a good hidey-hole too
A Fab version of Moaning Myrtle - LabiaLicking Lily
Or a kind of Fab Arthurian legend figure
Lily of the Lav
I want one "I’ll give you one | |||
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"Dear P So far this whole thread is far more sensible than I was expecting, can you please fix this for me...? X " P'll fix it for you, and you and you and you. But not that one over there. Hell no. | |||
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"Dear Auntie P. I'm told I no longer lift like a girl. Is this a problem? Please advise. As long as you don't lift like a boy you're good. Winky weights are nichè I expect to see you on ninja warrior in 5 years time." That's better without the typos. | |||
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"Im new to this site and am not a very confident BBW. Even though guys have liked my photos, I am very aware that these are a couple of nice photos against a million bad ones! My hubby is fantastic and tells me how beautiful I am all the time. I really just want another guy to see me naked and still want to fuck me! Haha help!" Why don't you get yourself to a BBW event at a club? That should give you the metaphorical wet fish slap around the face that you seem to need. | |||
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"Dear Auntie P. I'm told I no longer lift like a girl. Is this a problem? Please advise. As long as you don't lift like a boy you're good. Winky weights are nichè I expect to see you on ninja warrior in 5 years time. That's better without the typos. " Apparently kegel weights are a thing  | |||
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"Im new to this site and am not a very confident BBW. Even though guys have liked my photos, I am very aware that these are a couple of nice photos against a million bad ones! My hubby is fantastic and tells me how beautiful I am all the time. I really just want another guy to see me naked and still want to fuck me! Haha help! Why don't you get yourself to a BBW event at a club? That should give you the metaphorical wet fish slap around the face that you seem to need. " Haha legend. Thanks! | |||
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"Dear Auntie P. I'm told I no longer lift like a girl. Is this a problem? Please advise. As long as you don't lift like a boy you're good. Winky weights are nichè I expect to see you on ninja warrior in 5 years time. That's better without the typos. Apparently kegel weights are a thing "I'd bust my bits into smithereens. However it could put a complete new spin on hammer throwing in the Olympics | |||
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"Dear Auntie P. I'm told I no longer lift like a girl. Is this a problem? Please advise. As long as you don't lift like a boy you're good. Winky weights are nichè I expect to see you on ninja warrior in 5 years time. That's better without the typos. Apparently kegel weights are a thing
I'd bust my bits into smithereens. However it could put a complete new spin on hammer throwing in the Olympics "Oh my.
I'll stick to being unladylike. | |||
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"Dear Auntie P. I'm told I no longer lift like a girl. Is this a problem? Please advise. As long as you don't lift like a boy you're good. Winky weights are nichè I expect to see you on ninja warrior in 5 years time. That's better without the typos. Apparently kegel weights are a thing
I'd bust my bits into smithereens. However it could put a complete new spin on hammer throwing in the Olympics
Oh my.
I'll stick to being unladylike. "It's overrated. Tried ladylike a few times and felt a twat. I much prefer being my own version of the lady I am. | |||
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"Dear Auntie P. I'm told I no longer lift like a girl. Is this a problem? Please advise. As long as you don't lift like a boy you're good. Winky weights are nichè I expect to see you on ninja warrior in 5 years time. That's better without the typos. Apparently kegel weights are a thing
I'd bust my bits into smithereens. However it could put a complete new spin on hammer throwing in the Olympics
Oh my.
I'll stick to being unladylike.
It's overrated. Tried ladylike a few times and felt a twat. I much prefer being my own version of the lady I am."A lot of people think the grunty sweaty achy thing with a bunch of smelly guys is overrated too. But I like it | |||
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"Dear Auntie P. I'm told I no longer lift like a girl. Is this a problem? Please advise. As long as you don't lift like a boy you're good. Winky weights are nichè I expect to see you on ninja warrior in 5 years time. That's better without the typos. Apparently kegel weights are a thing
I'd bust my bits into smithereens. However it could put a complete new spin on hammer throwing in the Olympics
Oh my.
I'll stick to being unladylike.
It's overrated. Tried ladylike a few times and felt a twat. I much prefer being my own version of the lady I am.
A lot of people think the grunty sweaty achy thing with a bunch of smelly guys is overrated too. But I like it " yay to doing things our own ways! | |||
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"Auntie P just back from the vets and one unhappy pooch. How can I cheer him up? " Tell him Auntie P loves him very much and will give him belly rubs and ear strokes and he can come stay as long as he learns how to play air guitar | |||
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"How do I become a wise old woman like you Auntie? " You make it up as you go along, styling it out but sometimes falling on your face. Even when you fall you fucking own it. You listen to your gut more than you'd like to admit. Ultimately, you respect yourself and take in the lessons life throws your way. Let your farts out. Lose yourself in music. | |||
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"My washer takes to long Mrscxxx " Pay next door to do it or whack it on a quick wash? | |||
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"Dear Auntie P, I'm stuck on level 7 of swinger simulator 98 on the N64. You know the part with the foot cramp? Anyway, tips or cheats would be greatly appreciated! " Oh my goodness I've only just spotted this. Please accept my apologies at being negligent. Your question is an epic one. Thank you. Plenty of tips here, all you need to is look at the overwhelming majority of male profile pics. Some are just about to be entering a lady va-Jay-Jay but mostly they're just dribbling coconut milk. Also plenty of cheats on here too sunshine, thread about it most days. As for the cramp...zinc me ole mukka! And banannanannananas | |||
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"My washer takes to long Mrscxxx Pay next door to do it or whack it on a quick wash?" It doesn’t have a quick wash option 
Mrscxxx | |||
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"My washer takes to long Mrscxxx Pay next door to do it or whack it on a quick wash? It doesn’t have a quick wash option
Mrscxxx "Bucket, oar and elbow grease | |||
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"Looke out to sea and a boat dissappeared over the horizon..is this proof the earth is flat" You need a longer telescope | |||
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"I only have £1.70 on me , so what should I buy for lunch please Auntie P ??" Steal your bosses apples and noisy food. Hide his lunch knife too. | |||
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"It's my day off and I've wasted it so far Auntie P.. What could I do with the rest of it!?" Just woken properly myself. Go fly a kite, up to the highest height. Go fly a kite and send it soaring Up through the atmosphere, up where the air is clear Go, guy go, fly a kite | |||
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"I only have £1.70 on me , so what should I buy for lunch please Auntie P ?? Steal your bosses apples and noisy food. Hide his lunch knife too." you mad woman | |||
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"I only have £1.70 on me , so what should I buy for lunch please Auntie P ?? Steal your bosses apples and noisy food. Hide his lunch knife too. you mad woman "Got a certificate and everything | |||
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"I only have £1.70 on me , so what should I buy for lunch please Auntie P ?? Steal your bosses apples and noisy food. Hide his lunch knife too. you mad woman
Got a certificate and everything "Now that I believe | |||
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"Oh my goodness I've only just spotted this. Please accept my apologies at being negligent. Your question is an epic one. Thank you. Plenty of tips here, all you need to is look at the overwhelming majority of male profile pics. Some are just about to be entering a lady va-Jay-Jay but mostly they're just dribbling coconut milk. Also plenty of cheats on here too sunshine, thread about it most days. As for the cramp...zinc me ole mukka! And banannanannananas " Thanks for getting back to me! Coconut milk! It's so obvious. I only got to level 9 though before Mum had to take it back to the rental place this morning. Anyone else got any recommendations for games? | |||
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"Dear Ant. I'm considering having a penguin as a pet ..what do you advise " Buying plenty of fish | |||
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"Dear Auntie P., I really like being fisted up my foof, but I don't want to end up with an enormous bucket fanny so no men want to have sexy times with me. What should I do? Mrs TMN x" You come round here ya daftie, I have ikkle handies but they know how to dance  | |||
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"Dear Auntie PP I may have consumed a few too many drinks this afternoon. And this evening. And yeah you get the idea. I'm scared of falling asleep in case I wake up with no alcohol in my system and a sense of regret. What do I do? " Well my dearest Melificent, you have yourself some pro plus and a brew with maximum caffeine. Oh, and if you hang yourself from the washing line like a scarecrow the drizzle and breeze will keep you awake. There may still be the element of regret tho. | |||
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