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Unhappily Married Forum

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By *olo lets begin OP   Man
over a year ago

preston

Hello all, maybe a bit of a touchy subject but I have personal reasons. I’m seeking somewhere (a forum or something similar) where I can talk/share thoughts and feelings with other like minded people.

TIA

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

Why not Google for one.

Personally, I think it important to do what makes you happy without causing pain to others, especially our "love" ones. Discussing them in absentia however is rather low.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You could try it here, there's a lot of cheating men and women on this site too. However there's probably a lot more who abhor it so don't be surprised if you catch flak.

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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago

Hillside desolate

I don't think that would work on here, any thread about it descends into chaos.

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By *uzukiNo1Woman
over a year ago

Rhyl

Hmmmmmmm try relate OP, cannot for the life of me see how discussing your marriage good or bad on line behind your wife's back would help either of you....2 sides to every story and all that...

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By *omesticated_VixenWoman
over a year ago

sw London

Do you not have a friend or family member you can talk too. Or talk to your wife and see if you can work through this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Do you not have a friend or family member you can talk too. Or talk to your wife and see if you can work through this"

Maybe she's already on here

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By *olo lets begin OP   Man
over a year ago

preston

My wife caught me buying women’s stuff years ago and she flipped. I hinted to her that it’s what I like and she just thought it was weird. I know I should be able to talk to my wife about anything but I don’t feel I can, we just don’t have that type of relationship. I tried to talk to an old friend, but after making contact, she didn’t seem interested. I have no one else to talk to. Thanks for the replies, good or bad x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Chances are, if you're unhappy, so is your wife, talk to her

Is it your marriage that you are unhappy with or is it that being married is conflicting with your sexual desires?

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By *omesticated_VixenWoman
over a year ago

sw London


"My wife caught me buying women’s stuff years ago and she flipped. I hinted to her that it’s what I like and she just thought it was weird. I know I should be able to talk to my wife about anything but I don’t feel I can, we just don’t have that type of relationship. I tried to talk to an old friend, but after making contact, she didn’t seem interested. I have no one else to talk to. Thanks for the replies, good or bad x"

There obviously is something wrong with your marriage if you can not talk to each other. Could you try relate at all. I do think you need to talk to her about this openly as you should have done from the start.

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By *ultry SuccubusTV/TS
over a year ago

London


"Why not Google for one.

Personally, I think it important to do what makes you happy without causing pain to others, especially our "love" ones. "

Exactly this.

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By *uzukiNo1Woman
over a year ago

Rhyl


"My wife caught me buying women’s stuff years ago and she flipped. I hinted to her that it’s what I like and she just thought it was weird. I know I should be able to talk to my wife about anything but I don’t feel I can, we just don’t have that type of relationship. I tried to talk to an old friend, but after making contact, she didn’t seem interested. I have no one else to talk to. Thanks for the replies, good or bad x"

Type of relationship? You crnt talk to the person you married......really do think you need a neutral to help you both talk to each other.....your so young to....you need to get this sorted life's to short to be unhappy in a marriage....

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By *olo lets begin OP   Man
over a year ago

preston


"Chances are, if you're unhappy, so is your wife, talk to her

Is it your marriage that you are unhappy with or is it that being married is conflicting with your sexual desires?"

Both I suppose, definitely the latter

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By *olo lets begin OP   Man
over a year ago

preston


"Why not Google for one.

Personally, I think it important to do what makes you happy without causing pain to others, especially our "love" ones.

Exactly this. "

Which is why I think I should leave her, but as always, it’s more complicated than that

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By *olo lets begin OP   Man
over a year ago

preston


"My wife caught me buying women’s stuff years ago and she flipped. I hinted to her that it’s what I like and she just thought it was weird. I know I should be able to talk to my wife about anything but I don’t feel I can, we just don’t have that type of relationship. I tried to talk to an old friend, but after making contact, she didn’t seem interested. I have no one else to talk to. Thanks for the replies, good or bad x

Type of relationship? You crnt talk to the person you married......really do think you need a neutral to help you both talk to each other.....your so young to....you need to get this sorted life's to short to be unhappy in a marriage...."

Exactly, that’s how bad this marriage is. I know it’s time for out but there is a child involved

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By *olo lets begin OP   Man
over a year ago

preston

Thanks again for all the replies x

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By *effrey45Man
over a year ago

Lytham

She will be on mumsnet slagging her husband off

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By *uzukiNo1Woman
over a year ago

Rhyl


"My wife caught me buying women’s stuff years ago and she flipped. I hinted to her that it’s what I like and she just thought it was weird. I know I should be able to talk to my wife about anything but I don’t feel I can, we just don’t have that type of relationship. I tried to talk to an old friend, but after making contact, she didn’t seem interested. I have no one else to talk to. Thanks for the replies, good or bad x

Type of relationship? You crnt talk to the person you married......really do think you need a neutral to help you both talk to each other.....your so young to....you need to get this sorted life's to short to be unhappy in a marriage....

Exactly, that’s how bad this marriage is. I know it’s time for out but there is a child involved "

Lord, OP get professional help *relate* and get communicating with your wife.....good luck

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By *adtaffladMan
over a year ago

Rhyl

I feel so sorry for you my friend. Some people just don't understand be it a friend or partner and makes life yery hard. I'm not tv myself but I have 2 close friends who are and I have seen there struggle one being in the same position as yourself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Feel for you Op.. had this situation in my first marriage.my wife and I now discuss every little detail of this aspect of the other side of me..its not been easy I can tell you..coming out to her but it removed a massive weight and we are all the better for it.. good luck on your route which ever path it takes.

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By *entleman Blue EyesMan
over a year ago

Saffron Walden

There is an excellent book worth reading or listening to called Mating in Captivity by Esther Perell. That and Relate or some other such relationship counselling to allow you (both) to talk and explore in a safe environment with someone who is totally non judgemental and WILL have heard it all before. Good luck my friend

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire


"Hmmmmmmm try relate OP, cannot for the life of me see how discussing your marriage good or bad on line behind your wife's back would help either of you....2 sides to every story and all that..."

I would echo this, you both need to try and talk it through openly and honestly if you want to resolve the issues and if after that it can't be then move on with your own lives as amicably as possible as there are kids involved..

Won't be easy but a far better path than just walking away..

Professional advice is what you need in reality, good luck with it..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"She will be on mumsnet slagging her husband off "

Or to her pals

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fabguys have a forum. Maybe try that?

I'd suggest a gay sauna but I think the men don't actually talk to each other.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For starters would it help to write down how you are feeling,and explain that you desperately want to be able to talk to her?

She equally could be unhappy

Just a thought... X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My wife caught me buying women’s stuff years ago and she flipped. I hinted to her that it’s what I like and she just thought it was weird. I know I should be able to talk to my wife about anything but I don’t feel I can, we just don’t have that type of relationship. I tried to talk to an old friend, but after making contact, she didn’t seem interested. I have no one else to talk to. Thanks for the replies, good or bad x

Type of relationship? You crnt talk to the person you married......really do think you need a neutral to help you both talk to each other.....your so young to....you need to get this sorted life's to short to be unhappy in a marriage....

Exactly, that’s how bad this marriage is. I know it’s time for out but there is a child involved "

The longer you leave it the more hurt your causing everyone, including yourself. I'm sorry to say this but man up and say what's on your mind.

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By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish

I have no sympathy. If you are married and unhappy then leave.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Would it perhaps help to have some counselling first before you talk to her? Reading this I’m wondering if you are still coming to terms with your personal identity. If you can work through some of that (and let her know you are) you might find it easier to talk to her more confidently and she might be more understanding. It’s a huge thing for her to try and process if she didn’t know that side of you before you married.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Would it perhaps help to have some counselling first before you talk to her? Reading this I’m wondering if you are still coming to terms with your personal identity. If you can work through some of that (and let her know you are) you might find it easier to talk to her more confidently and she might be more understanding. It’s a huge thing for her to try and process if she didn’t know that side of you before you married. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry i have no sympathy as well, it was the two of you together when you started dating,progressed to marriage no one can fix it for you other than the two of you.

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire


"Would it perhaps help to have some counselling first before you talk to her? Reading this I’m wondering if you are still coming to terms with your personal identity. If you can work through some of that (and let her know you are) you might find it easier to talk to her more confidently and she might be more understanding. It’s a huge thing for her to try and process if she didn’t know that side of you before you married.

"

This..

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By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle


"My wife caught me buying women’s stuff years ago and she flipped. I hinted to her that it’s what I like and she just thought it was weird. I know I should be able to talk to my wife about anything but I don’t feel I can, we just don’t have that type of relationship. I tried to talk to an old friend, but after making contact, she didn’t seem interested. I have no one else to talk to. Thanks for the replies, good or bad x

Type of relationship? You crnt talk to the person you married......really do think you need a neutral to help you both talk to each other.....your so young to....you need to get this sorted life's to short to be unhappy in a marriage....

Exactly, that’s how bad this marriage is. I know it’s time for out but there is a child involved "

Being divorced has lost its stigma these days, many children would rather have two happy parents apart then two unhappy parents together, it’s gets quite toxic for children to be in that environment.

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By *anther81Man
over a year ago

Drogheda

Probably best to go to a counselor or somebody similar by yourself to get your head into a space to make some objective decisions.

Guy mates are generally not great with this sort of thing. Assume bit more complicated when you like to dress.

Also things change assume you are with your wife a good while now you were probably 2 different people then than now.

Good luck with it all am sure your not wanting to hurt your wife.

Also don’t mind people on the forum that judge is so easy for them to do so because they are all saints.

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By *olo lets begin OP   Man
over a year ago

preston


"I feel so sorry for you my friend. Some people just don't understand be it a friend or partner and makes life yery hard. I'm not tv myself but I have 2 close friends who are and I have seen there struggle one being in the same position as yourself "

Thank you ?? I hope it works out for them

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Type your problem into Google e.g. 'how to communicate with partner' or 'how to tell wife I dress' you might get some help there.

Not being able to talk to each other is a surprisingly common relationship problem. Look for some strategies on line to try and help you start a conversation then try to find the strength to do it.

Good luck

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By *ischiefmanagedWoman
over a year ago

Norfolk/Suffolk border


"I have no sympathy. If you are married and unhappy then leave. "

This exactly. I have no comprehension of why someone would stay in a relationship that makes them unhappy. It's your life - accept it fully or change it completely.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not feeling this one.

You're happy to come on and air your partners perceived shortcomings, but with no right of reply for the partner. Seems a bit one sided to me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I say this with the utmost respect and hope not to sound negative.

If someone is in an unhappy marriage or in a unhappy relationship, why stay in it why not just leave.

I only ask because I have never been in that situation, never lived with anyone so I struggle to understand the reason to stay in that situation.

Not calling anyones motives or reasons just puzzled.

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By *irl1234xxxWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

Unhappy marriages do not make for a happy environment for a child. You need to leave. I feel so sorry for your wife.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I have no sympathy. If you are married and unhappy then leave.

This exactly. I have no comprehension of why someone would stay in a relationship that makes them unhappy. It's your life - accept it fully or change it completely. "

He's staying for their child.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I say this with the utmost respect and hope not to sound negative.

If someone is in an unhappy marriage or in a unhappy relationship, why stay in it why not just leave.

I only ask because I have never been in that situation, never lived with anyone so I struggle to understand the reason to stay in that situation.

Not calling anyones motives or reasons just puzzled."

Often loyalty makes you stay when you know it's over. Also it isn't just a case of walking away. There's financial details, possessions, finding somewhere to live, the wrench of leaving a child, the feelings of failure etc

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By *irl1234xxxWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"I have no sympathy. If you are married and unhappy then leave.

This exactly. I have no comprehension of why someone would stay in a relationship that makes them unhappy. It's your life - accept it fully or change it completely.

He's staying for their child. "

Children prefer happy, separated parents than unhappy ones staying together solely for their sake.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I have no sympathy. If you are married and unhappy then leave.

This exactly. I have no comprehension of why someone would stay in a relationship that makes them unhappy. It's your life - accept it fully or change it completely.

He's staying for their child.

Children prefer happy, separated parents than unhappy ones staying together solely for their sake."

I think that advising a man whose family we don't know that his child will be better off if he leaves is taking things too far. What if the relationship can be salvaged?

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By *ischiefmanagedWoman
over a year ago

Norfolk/Suffolk border


"I have no sympathy. If you are married and unhappy then leave.

This exactly. I have no comprehension of why someone would stay in a relationship that makes them unhappy. It's your life - accept it fully or change it completely.

He's staying for their child. "

I have no children, so perhaps that's why I don't get it. That said, I know far too many couples who have stayed together for the sake of a child; said child grows up and leaves home and the couple remain - even more bloody miserable because now there's nothing holding them together.

People grow and change and want different things - if you're not growing together and/or can't talk about and resolve the fundamental differences which are driving you apart then you need to find a way to start again. It's as difficult as you make it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I say this with the utmost respect and hope not to sound negative.

If someone is in an unhappy marriage or in a unhappy relationship, why stay in it why not just leave.

I only ask because I have never been in that situation, never lived with anyone so I struggle to understand the reason to stay in that situation.

Not calling anyones motives or reasons just puzzled.

Often loyalty makes you stay when you know it's over. Also it isn't just a case of walking away. There's financial details, possessions, finding somewhere to live, the wrench of leaving a child, the feelings of failure etc"

Thanks

I guess those things are much harder in the UK than here.

Lived here so long I forget how complicated things can become over there.

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By *irl1234xxxWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"I have no sympathy. If you are married and unhappy then leave.

This exactly. I have no comprehension of why someone would stay in a relationship that makes them unhappy. It's your life - accept it fully or change it completely.

He's staying for their child.

Children prefer happy, separated parents than unhappy ones staying together solely for their sake.

I think that advising a man whose family we don't know that his child will be better off if he leaves is taking things too far. What if the relationship can be salvaged?"

So he’s cross dressing and having sex with men behind his wife’s back. He’s deeply unhappy hiding his sexual preferences from his wife. He’s tried to talk about the dressing with his wife who didn’t like it at all.

So I’m assuming he’s got three choices.

1) leave and live his true life with sexual fulfilment.

2) pack it all in and accept the situation living with his wife without deceiving her.

3) continue cheating and deceiving her. Sneak around behind her back for the rest of time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have no sympathy. If you are married and unhappy then leave.

This exactly. I have no comprehension of why someone would stay in a relationship that makes them unhappy. It's your life - accept it fully or change it completely.

He's staying for their child.

Children prefer happy, separated parents than unhappy ones staying together solely for their sake.

I think that advising a man whose family we don't know that his child will be better off if he leaves is taking things too far. What if the relationship can be salvaged?"

Both of these things for me -

If they/one of them are this unhappy then the child will be totally aware so never thought that staying just for staying sakes really cuts it

If a party is staying for the child then go all out to make it work! Don't be on fab go to see counsellors - for yourself and your relationship

Talk talk and talk more ...

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By *irl1234xxxWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"I have no sympathy. If you are married and unhappy then leave.

This exactly. I have no comprehension of why someone would stay in a relationship that makes them unhappy. It's your life - accept it fully or change it completely.

He's staying for their child.

Children prefer happy, separated parents than unhappy ones staying together solely for their sake.

I think that advising a man whose family we don't know that his child will be better off if he leaves is taking things too far. What if the relationship can be salvaged?"

BTW, I work with lots of children dealing with parental separation so no, it’s not taking things too far. The child’s emotional well-being comes before everything else.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Unhappy marriages do not make for a happy environment for a child. You need to leave. I feel so sorry for your wife."

She might be the one living in ignorance bliss. She might be making his life really difficult. Why do you assume the wife is the poor weak bad done by one ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have no sympathy. If you are married and unhappy then leave.

This exactly. I have no comprehension of why someone would stay in a relationship that makes them unhappy. It's your life - accept it fully or change it completely.

He's staying for their child.

Children prefer happy, separated parents than unhappy ones staying together solely for their sake.

I think that advising a man whose family we don't know that his child will be better off if he leaves is taking things too far. What if the relationship can be salvaged?

BTW, I work with lots of children dealing with parental separation so no, it’s not taking things too far. The child’s emotional well-being comes before everything else."

I agree with this though

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I have no sympathy. If you are married and unhappy then leave.

This exactly. I have no comprehension of why someone would stay in a relationship that makes them unhappy. It's your life - accept it fully or change it completely.

He's staying for their child.

Children prefer happy, separated parents than unhappy ones staying together solely for their sake.

I think that advising a man whose family we don't know that his child will be better off if he leaves is taking things too far. What if the relationship can be salvaged?

BTW, I work with lots of children dealing with parental separation so no, it’s not taking things too far. The child’s emotional well-being comes before everything else."

You know neither the child or the wife, how can you possibly know what's best for either?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have no sympathy. If you are married and unhappy then leave.

This exactly. I have no comprehension of why someone would stay in a relationship that makes them unhappy. It's your life - accept it fully or change it completely.

He's staying for their child.

Children prefer happy, separated parents than unhappy ones staying together solely for their sake.

I think that advising a man whose family we don't know that his child will be better off if he leaves is taking things too far. What if the relationship can be salvaged?

BTW, I work with lots of children dealing with parental separation so no, it’s not taking things too far. The child’s emotional well-being comes before everything else.

You know neither the child or the wife, how can you possibly know what's best for either?"

I’m listening - watching your words and you’re saying all I am thinking. It’s impossible to know all of the complexities that go into staying or leaving and it really may be a safe environment for the child with a relationship that’s having a bump. It’s not up to us.

OP, I agree you should talk, it’s scary but talk, it might make your life happier, good luck. This can’t be easy.

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By *adtaffladMan
over a year ago

Rhyl


"I feel so sorry for you my friend. Some people just don't understand be it a friend or partner and makes life yery hard. I'm not tv myself but I have 2 close friends who are and I have seen there struggle one being in the same position as yourself

Thank you ?? I hope it works out for them"
and I hope it works out for you. One of my mates was single the other was married and it ended the marriage. We all have our own interests and some people don't get it. They both lost a lot of friends but obviously not real friends. I don't play that way but as long as they are happy they are still the same person and no one has the right to judge them over it.

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By *irl1234xxxWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"I have no sympathy. If you are married and unhappy then leave.

This exactly. I have no comprehension of why someone would stay in a relationship that makes them unhappy. It's your life - accept it fully or change it completely.

He's staying for their child.

Children prefer happy, separated parents than unhappy ones staying together solely for their sake.

I think that advising a man whose family we don't know that his child will be better off if he leaves is taking things too far. What if the relationship can be salvaged?

BTW, I work with lots of children dealing with parental separation so no, it’s not taking things too far. The child’s emotional well-being comes before everything else.

You know neither the child or the wife, how can you possibly know what's best for either?"

Neither do you. So on that basis, none of us should be commenting or giving our opinion, including you.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I have no sympathy. If you are married and unhappy then leave.

This exactly. I have no comprehension of why someone would stay in a relationship that makes them unhappy. It's your life - accept it fully or change it completely.

He's staying for their child.

Children prefer happy, separated parents than unhappy ones staying together solely for their sake.

I think that advising a man whose family we don't know that his child will be better off if he leaves is taking things too far. What if the relationship can be salvaged?

BTW, I work with lots of children dealing with parental separation so no, it’s not taking things too far. The child’s emotional well-being comes before everything else.

You know neither the child or the wife, how can you possibly know what's best for either?

Neither do you. So on that basis, none of us should be commenting or giving our opinion, including you."

ok.

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By *irl1234xxxWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"Unhappy marriages do not make for a happy environment for a child. You need to leave. I feel so sorry for your wife.

She might be the one living in ignorance bliss. She might be making his life really difficult. Why do you assume the wife is the poor weak bad done by one ?"

I’m just giving an opinion based on the info given by the op and relating it to myself.

If my husband was dressing up and having sex with men without my knowledge and airing his laundry to strangers on a public forum, I know hoe I’d feel. Hence my sympathy for his wife.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Unhappy marriages do not make for a happy environment for a child. You need to leave. I feel so sorry for your wife.

She might be the one living in ignorance bliss. She might be making his life really difficult. Why do you assume the wife is the poor weak bad done by one ?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I say this with the utmost respect and hope not to sound negative.

If someone is in an unhappy marriage or in a unhappy relationship, why stay in it why not just leave.

I only ask because I have never been in that situation, never lived with anyone so I struggle to understand the reason to stay in that situation.

Not calling anyones motives or reasons just puzzled.

Often loyalty makes you stay when you know it's over. Also it isn't just a case of walking away. There's financial details, possessions, finding somewhere to live, the wrench of leaving a child, the feelings of failure etc"

Which all boils down to selfishness and cowardice. Sorry if that sounds harsh. People need to live with the consequences of their actions not avoid those consequences by deflecting them to others

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have no sympathy. If you are married and unhappy then leave.

This exactly. I have no comprehension of why someone would stay in a relationship that makes them unhappy. It's your life - accept it fully or change it completely.

He's staying for their child.

Children prefer happy, separated parents than unhappy ones staying together solely for their sake.

I think that advising a man whose family we don't know that his child will be better off if he leaves is taking things too far. What if the relationship can be salvaged?

BTW, I work with lots of children dealing with parental separation so no, it’s not taking things too far. The child’s emotional well-being comes before everything else.

I agree with this though "

So do I.

Staying together and being miserable is no life for any of you, the belief that you're staying together for the child is simply untrue. All you're doing is teaching your child that marriage is miserable.

You do have a number of options available to you but keeping silent and doing nothing really isn't one of them.

People aren't stupid, your wife isn't stupid, she will know something is wrong and *when* she catches you (as she will) then that will make your life so much harder. You have to have a relationship with her for many many years, you need to be able to co-parent effectively with her, that requires trust and respect, so treat her with some now.

Do what you can to retrieve the relationship honestly (including your dressing and bisexuality), if it can be then great, if not then let her go. Do it with the love that you had for her at the start of your relationship, then you can be happy apart.

Doing nothing will end in acrimony, anger, hurt and pain.

Tea

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By *irl1234xxxWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"I have no sympathy. If you are married and unhappy then leave.

This exactly. I have no comprehension of why someone would stay in a relationship that makes them unhappy. It's your life - accept it fully or change it completely.

He's staying for their child.

Children prefer happy, separated parents than unhappy ones staying together solely for their sake.

I think that advising a man whose family we don't know that his child will be better off if he leaves is taking things too far. What if the relationship can be salvaged?

BTW, I work with lots of children dealing with parental separation so no, it’s not taking things too far. The child’s emotional well-being comes before everything else.

I agree with this though

So do I.

Staying together and being miserable is no life for any of you, the belief that you're staying together for the child is simply untrue. All you're doing is teaching your child that marriage is miserable.

You do have a number of options available to you but keeping silent and doing nothing really isn't one of them.

People aren't stupid, your wife isn't stupid, she will know something is wrong and *when* she catches you (as she will) then that will make your life so much harder. You have to have a relationship with her for many many years, you need to be able to co-parent effectively with her, that requires trust and respect, so treat her with some now.

Do what you can to retrieve the relationship honestly (including your dressing and bisexuality), if it can be then great, if not then let her go. Do it with the love that you had for her at the start of your relationship, then you can be happy apart.

Doing nothing will end in acrimony, anger, hurt and pain.

Tea"

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I say this with the utmost respect and hope not to sound negative.

If someone is in an unhappy marriage or in a unhappy relationship, why stay in it why not just leave.

I only ask because I have never been in that situation, never lived with anyone so I struggle to understand the reason to stay in that situation.

Not calling anyones motives or reasons just puzzled.

Often loyalty makes you stay when you know it's over. Also it isn't just a case of walking away. There's financial details, possessions, finding somewhere to live, the wrench of leaving a child, the feelings of failure etc

Which all boils down to selfishness and cowardice. Sorry if that sounds harsh. People need to live with the consequences of their actions not avoid those consequences by deflecting them to others "

It is very harsh.

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By *ert n BerylCouple
over a year ago

middlesbrough

If you can’t respect her and trust her enough to talk it through, then how can you expect her to respect your desires and trust you??

You can sort this out OP. I’d agree with what’s been said before, writing it down or do it the more open way of getting a babysitter to have the kiddies overnight, and you and your wife sit and chat things through. She’ll know you both need to talk and is maybe waiting for you to raise the subject so she knows you’re ready to talk

Good luck OP but honesy is your best option

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 11/08/19 12:13:32]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I say this with the utmost respect and hope not to sound negative.

If someone is in an unhappy marriage or in a unhappy relationship, why stay in it why not just leave.

I only ask because I have never been in that situation, never lived with anyone so I struggle to understand the reason to stay in that situation.

Not calling anyones motives or reasons just puzzled.

Often loyalty makes you stay when you know it's over. Also it isn't just a case of walking away. There's financial details, possessions, finding somewhere to live, the wrench of leaving a child, the feelings of failure etc

Which all boils down to selfishness and cowardice. Sorry if that sounds harsh. People need to live with the consequences of their actions not avoid those consequences by deflecting them to others

It is very harsh. "

But as fa as I'm concerned it's also true.

I think if you are cross dressing and cheating and potentially fucking up your wife and child's lives by doing so because that is preferable to the short term problems leaving causes it is incredibly selfish.

There is only one reason to stay in a struggling or unhappy relationship and that's because you believe and want it to be saved. Not because it's more convenient

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People should split up and be massively in debt trying to pay child support, all their bills on one wage, solicitor fees for divorces etc.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo


"

Neither do you. So on that basis, none of us should be commenting or giving our opinion, including you.

"

To be fair, Nicecouple are not telling him what he should do with his marriage, she is giving general advice/ comments probably on the basis of she doesn't know the situation at his home

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo


"I say this with the utmost respect and hope not to sound negative.

If someone is in an unhappy marriage or in a unhappy relationship, why stay in it why not just leave.

I only ask because I have never been in that situation, never lived with anyone so I struggle to understand the reason to stay in that situation.

Not calling anyones motives or reasons just puzzled.

Often loyalty makes you stay when you know it's over. Also it isn't just a case of walking away. There's financial details, possessions, finding somewhere to live, the wrench of leaving a child, the feelings of failure etc

Which all boils down to selfishness and cowardice. Sorry if that sounds harsh. People need to live with the consequences of their actions not avoid those consequences by deflecting them to others "

I don't think it is being selfish to think of a child or how you would be able to manage two households if you left...I think these are hugs considerations before making any decision.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Neither do you. So on that basis, none of us should be commenting or giving our opinion, including you.

To be fair, Nicecouple are not telling him what he should do with his marriage, she is giving general advice/ comments probably on the basis of she doesn't know the situation at his home

"

Exactly this. One person is trying to be I objective, the other is trying to be Dr Phil

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

huge *

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Unhappy marriages do not make for a happy environment for a child. You need to leave. I feel so sorry for your wife.

She might be the one living in ignorance bliss. She might be making his life really difficult. Why do you assume the wife is the poor weak bad done by one ?"

Quite. He's already said he tried to talk to her and she went mad

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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

..

I’m never sure why people ask strangers on a sex site about these things. It never ends well.

There are a lot of people sitting in judgement about one thing or another on here. They must be very perfect, clean living folk I’m sure. A lot of people say they won’t meet married people but they do it’s a funny old place!

We are all responsible for our own actions But my suggestion, take it or leave it, is that you find an alternative forum to this one. We are all holier than thou on here

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

I paid to speak to a councillor by myself. It did me the world of good.

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

I left the next day. True!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unhappiness its not excuse for cheating..never was and will never be

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By *arnsley guy100Man
over a year ago

Sheffield

It "Cheaper to keep her"... That's all I'm saying

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By *dam1971Man
over a year ago

Bedford


"Unhappiness its not excuse for cheating..never was and will never be"

That’s written like a statement of fact but it’s your opinion. Look around and there are thousands of people out there who have the opposite opinion

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By *olo lets begin OP   Man
over a year ago

preston

Many thanks for all the responses, I’ve read them all. A lot to digest. I know what I have to do and thats man up and tell her. It’s difficult though manning up when I’m a sissy! Thanks again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Many thanks for all the responses, I’ve read them all. A lot to digest. I know what I have to do and thats man up and tell her. It’s difficult though manning up when I’m a sissy! Thanks again "

I hate the term “man up” like men need to be strong and leaders. Just be honest With her and be adamant that you need to talk. If she loves you and values your relationship she will listen.

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By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish


"I have no sympathy. If you are married and unhappy then leave.

This exactly. I have no comprehension of why someone would stay in a relationship that makes them unhappy. It's your life - accept it fully or change it completely.

He's staying for their child.

Children prefer happy, separated parents than unhappy ones staying together solely for their sake.

I think that advising a man whose family we don't know that his child will be better off if he leaves is taking things too far. What if the relationship can be salvaged?

BTW, I work with lots of children dealing with parental separation so no, it’s not taking things too far. The child’s emotional well-being comes before everything else.

I agree with this though

So do I.

Staying together and being miserable is no life for any of you, the belief that you're staying together for the child is simply untrue. All you're doing is teaching your child that marriage is miserable.

You do have a number of options available to you but keeping silent and doing nothing really isn't one of them.

People aren't stupid, your wife isn't stupid, she will know something is wrong and *when* she catches you (as she will) then that will make your life so much harder. You have to have a relationship with her for many many years, you need to be able to co-parent effectively with her, that requires trust and respect, so treat her with some now.

Do what you can to retrieve the relationship honestly (including your dressing and bisexuality), if it can be then great, if not then let her go. Do it with the love that you had for her at the start of your relationship, then you can be happy apart.

Doing nothing will end in acrimony, anger, hurt and pain.

Tea

"

I stayed for far too long. My daughter now tells me that when she was young and went for sleepovers with friends she was jealous of their happy family setup and always wished she belonged to a happy family.

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By *uzukiNo1Woman
over a year ago

Rhyl


"Many thanks for all the responses, I’ve read them all. A lot to digest. I know what I have to do and thats man up and tell her. It’s difficult though manning up when I’m a sissy! Thanks again "

Not about Manning up it's about talking to the person you married before it starts affecting your family.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Using a public forum to whinge about your marriage! 10/10 for being a ........

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By *aughtyglintWoman
over a year ago

Any


"I say this with the utmost respect and hope not to sound negative.

If someone is in an unhappy marriage or in a unhappy relationship, why stay in it why not just leave.

I only ask because I have never been in that situation, never lived with anyone so I struggle to understand the reason to stay in that situation.

Not calling anyones motives or reasons just puzzled.

Often loyalty makes you stay when you know it's over. Also it isn't just a case of walking away. There's financial details, possessions, finding somewhere to live, the wrench of leaving a child, the feelings of failure etc"

Agree. Not an easy decision to make for anyone.

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