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Honesty

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Not with others but with yourself...

This isn't about the lies that you tell yourself but with the true drive of your motives, the reasons behind your preferences and why you flirt, maybe lie/cheat, message the same people over again or insult people.

Obviously those examples aren't relevant to everyone but are you scrupulously honest about your motives?

Tea

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By *heslimoneMan
over a year ago

Deeside

Yep i wanna get my knob wet, also my tongue.

Honesty

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By *ed-monkeyCouple
over a year ago

Hailsham

I think when I was younger I want honest with myself about a great many things ... managing money, I like this girl for who she is not because I can just get sex, the world will end if people don't like me etc

As I've grown older I've matured in attitude, I'm more honest with myself to the point where I just think "fuck it, I am who I am, take me for who I am"

The money management lesson you tend to learn the hard way

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Yep i wanna get my knob wet, also my tongue.

Honesty"

Succinct, beautiful.

Not quite the depth I was looking for.

What are your motives for wanting that? why fab? How you deal and manage your interactions, do you lie to get this all important wetness?

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By *nowwhitexxx1Woman
over a year ago

Hull

I think I'm incredibly honest with myself.. About what I want or don't want or even when I don't know what i want. I also like to think I'm honest with others. I can't see the point of been any other way...

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think when I was younger I want honest with myself about a great many things ... managing money, I like this girl for who she is not because I can just get sex, the world will end if people don't like me etc

As I've grown older I've matured in attitude, I'm more honest with myself to the point where I just think "fuck it, I am who I am, take me for who I am"

The money management lesson you tend to learn the hard way"

That's very true about the money!

I agree that maturity and 'I am who I am' does have a very honest level to it, do you find that you understand *why* you are who you are?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe not at the time of my actions but I'm quite competent at self reflection after.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think I'm incredibly honest with myself.. About what I want or don't want or even when I don't know what i want. I also like to think I'm honest with others. I can't see the point of been any other way...

"

I agree. I think though that honesty with others is a separate thing. It's a case of understanding your motives and why you want the things that you do...

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By *rwhowhatwherewhyMan
over a year ago

Aylesbury

I try to be true to myself, it's not always possible though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i dont know what i want at all.

im on a voyage of self discovery

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Not with others but with yourself...

This isn't about the lies that you tell yourself but with the true drive of your motives, the reasons behind your preferences and why you flirt, maybe lie/cheat, message the same people over again or insult people.

Obviously those examples aren't relevant to everyone but are you scrupulously honest about your motives?

Tea"

Looking for nsa here.

Anything else isn't anyone's business

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By *ed-monkeyCouple
over a year ago

Hailsham


"I think when I was younger I want honest with myself about a great many things ... managing money, I like this girl for who she is not because I can just get sex, the world will end if people don't like me etc

As I've grown older I've matured in attitude, I'm more honest with myself to the point where I just think "fuck it, I am who I am, take me for who I am"

The money management lesson you tend to learn the hard way

That's very true about the money!

I agree that maturity and 'I am who I am' does have a very honest level to it, do you find that you understand *why* you are who you are? "

I think it's the age, the life experience, and learning from the mistakes made.

If you can be honest with yourself about your own failings and weaknesses, you find it easier to accept those that others have, and that makes your relationships with those people, be they family, friends or partners, so much better.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I try to be true to myself, it's not always possible though."

Why not?

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By *heslimoneMan
over a year ago

Deeside


"Yep i wanna get my knob wet, also my tongue.

Honesty

Succinct, beautiful.

Not quite the depth I was looking for.

What are your motives for wanting that? why fab? How you deal and manage your interactions, do you lie to get this all important wetness? "

I want it because of a chemical balance in my brain that makes me feel horny.

I never lie in order to get in to someone's knickers, rarely lie at all, i have respect for others and what they are looking for in a man. I could easily say I'm not a smoker and have far more options but i don't, i could post fake photos to get more attention but i don't.

Honesty brings the greatest rewards of self worth which are reaffirmed when someone else choses you.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"i dont know what i want at all.

im on a voyage of self discovery"

So you don't know why you're here, what you want or why you want it?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Not with others but with yourself...

This isn't about the lies that you tell yourself but with the true drive of your motives, the reasons behind your preferences and why you flirt, maybe lie/cheat, message the same people over again or insult people.

Obviously those examples aren't relevant to everyone but are you scrupulously honest about your motives?

Tea

Looking for nsa here.

Anything else isn't anyone's business "

I'm not saying that it should be, I'm asking if you're honest with yourself about what you want, why you want it and how you go about it.

Honesty with yourself has little to do with anyone else in the greater sense

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mrs here-

I don’t always know exactly what I want but am very self aware and open about the journey with others as well. I am honest with myself and I think sometimes it adds to why I often dislike myself lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't really respond to this in the context of the question

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think when I was younger I want honest with myself about a great many things ... managing money, I like this girl for who she is not because I can just get sex, the world will end if people don't like me etc

As I've grown older I've matured in attitude, I'm more honest with myself to the point where I just think "fuck it, I am who I am, take me for who I am"

The money management lesson you tend to learn the hard way

That's very true about the money!

I agree that maturity and 'I am who I am' does have a very honest level to it, do you find that you understand *why* you are who you are?

I think it's the age, the life experience, and learning from the mistakes made.

If you can be honest with yourself about your own failings and weaknesses, you find it easier to accept those that others have, and that makes your relationships with those people, be they family, friends or partners, so much better. "

Well said.

I try and be honest with myself about what I'm doing, why and how I can change or improve what I'm doing

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By *nowwhitexxx1Woman
over a year ago

Hull


"I think I'm incredibly honest with myself.. About what I want or don't want or even when I don't know what i want. I also like to think I'm honest with others. I can't see the point of been any other way...

I agree. I think though that honesty with others is a separate thing. It's a case of understanding your motives and why you want the things that you do... "

Sometimes I think it's just trying to figure that out.. Especially after huge life changing events and I think it's ok to sometimes I don't know what the hell I want and ride it out... But at least I acknowledge it.. And try to be true to myself x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Not with others but with yourself...

This isn't about the lies that you tell yourself but with the true drive of your motives, the reasons behind your preferences and why you flirt, maybe lie/cheat, message the same people over again or insult people.

Obviously those examples aren't relevant to everyone but are you scrupulously honest about your motives?

Tea

Looking for nsa here.

Anything else isn't anyone's business

I'm not saying that it should be, I'm asking if you're honest with yourself about what you want, why you want it and how you go about it.

Honesty with yourself has little to do with anyone else in the greater sense"

Yeah I am with myself

Others not so much in the dating world, if they don't ask

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Yep i wanna get my knob wet, also my tongue.

Honesty

Succinct, beautiful.

Not quite the depth I was looking for.

What are your motives for wanting that? why fab? How you deal and manage your interactions, do you lie to get this all important wetness?

I want it because of a chemical balance in my brain that makes me feel horny.

I never lie in order to get in to someone's knickers, rarely lie at all, i have respect for others and what they are looking for in a man. I could easily say I'm not a smoker and have far more options but i don't, i could post fake photos to get more attention but i don't.

Honesty brings the greatest rewards of self worth which are reaffirmed when someone else choses you."

Nicely put, thanks for the expanded answer

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I can't really respond to this in the context of the question "

Why not?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I try to be honest to myself but it’s not easy. Ok I agree with the Monkey man when he says age makes you think ‘ this is me, take it or leave it’ but so many things can be misunderstood in messages and forum threads that I find myself asking: did I write that? Is that what I meant? This is a sex site, sure, but I still need to connect with my lovers and that’s where honesty comes into it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I can't really respond to this in the context of the question

Why not? "

I suppose because of the examples included.

I'd say I'm honest, both to myself and others that matter, when it comes to how I go about things here

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By *ed-monkeyCouple
over a year ago

Hailsham

I also think it is best to be honest with people, just as much on here as in real life.

There is nothing wrong with being honest, it is how you deliver that honesty that counts.

Empathy is important.

Mind you, there are also times when just calling someone a c*nt is equally valid

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I try to be as honest as I can be, in fact I think I have got more honest. With people off fab I lay it all out for them to see, often to my detriment. I struggle to be honest with myself because often I dont want to acknowledge that voice in my head.....does this make sense?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I should probably add that I don't think absolutely honesty is always the best policy, as long as there's no malicious or ill intent when either withholding something or bending the truth ( I'm not entirely happy with how I expressed that last bit, but couldn't think of an alternative way)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm learning about myself every week at the moment it seems.

As much as I can be a hard nosed stubborn fucker I AM a sensitive soul.

Opening the mind and allowing the "why" to surface can be a painful thing to do, because it highlights we aren't perfect. It's about understanding and allowing ourselves to look deeper and address things. It isn't easy as we realise there could be a fair amount of "unlearning" to be done to get to where we want to be in life and internally, and yes, it's bloody daunting when you discover you have no fucking idea how to get there, you just know you want to.

So no, half the time I don't know what I want, as I don't know if it will help or hinder the where I am now. All I know is it's a slower process than I ever imagined it would be, but I do know where I want to get to.

P

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By *llaboutthewifeCouple
over a year ago

Cardiff

I lie to myself that I haven't got time to go to the gym.

Oh dear

Jo x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i dont know what i want at all.

im on a voyage of self discovery

So you don't know why you're here, what you want or why you want it? "

nope ... im finally learning about who i really am and what i truely want

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By *xmfrvnMan
over a year ago

Stoke-on-Trent

I'm honest to a fault, my gut reaction is to tell the truth whether it gets me in the shit or not. I doubt I'm sharp enough to maintain a lie anyway, keeping track of life uses enough brain power as it is.

I try to take responsibility for my actions, especially over the last year or so I've become better at self-analysis and calling myself out on my bullshit. My delusions tend to be about other people, their motives, which is ridiculous as it's totally out of my control. But I'm getting better at not caring about that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm honest to a fault, my gut reaction is to tell the truth whether it gets me in the shit or not. I doubt I'm sharp enough to maintain a lie anyway, keeping track of life uses enough brain power as it is.

I try to take responsibility for my actions, especially over the last year or so I've become better at self-analysis and calling myself out on my bullshit. My delusions tend to be about other people, their motives, which is ridiculous as it's totally out of my control. But I'm getting better at not caring about that."

I relate immensely to that final point. It’s hard to shut off the analysing and assumptions and focus back on what I can control.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm honest to a fault, my gut reaction is to tell the truth whether it gets me in the shit or not. I doubt I'm sharp enough to maintain a lie anyway, keeping track of life uses enough brain power as it is.

I try to take responsibility for my actions, especially over the last year or so I've become better at self-analysis and calling myself out on my bullshit. My delusions tend to be about other people, their motives, which is ridiculous as it's totally out of my control. But I'm getting better at not caring about that.

I relate immensely to that final point. It’s hard to shut off the analysing and assumptions and focus back on what I can control. "

That's me too. Practically put my fingers in my ears then and did the "la la la la" I can't hear you thing.

Other peoples intentions and motives are my major hurdle. So many people can't be honest with themselves, so why would they be honest with others? So many say one thing, yet do another. Yes, I can control my reaction to it, however I'm not prepared to let myself get taken for a muppet and the possible damage that can be done to a relationship may be irreversible.

P

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" So many say one thing, yet do another. "

I'm definitely more inclined to get the measure of someone based on what they do rather than say.

If the 2 don't fit together, I have to question it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I try to fool myself regularly with lies but I am aware it’s all bollocks.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've tried to lie to myself once

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By *xmfrvnMan
over a year ago

Stoke-on-Trent


"I'm honest to a fault, my gut reaction is to tell the truth whether it gets me in the shit or not. I doubt I'm sharp enough to maintain a lie anyway, keeping track of life uses enough brain power as it is.

I try to take responsibility for my actions, especially over the last year or so I've become better at self-analysis and calling myself out on my bullshit. My delusions tend to be about other people, their motives, which is ridiculous as it's totally out of my control. But I'm getting better at not caring about that.

I relate immensely to that final point. It’s hard to shut off the analysing and assumptions and focus back on what I can control.

That's me too. Practically put my fingers in my ears then and did the "la la la la" I can't hear you thing.

Other peoples intentions and motives are my major hurdle. So many people can't be honest with themselves, so why would they be honest with others? So many say one thing, yet do another. Yes, I can control my reaction to it, however I'm not prepared to let myself get taken for a muppet and the possible damage that can be done to a relationship may be irreversible.

P"

I think fab is actually helping with letting others' actions/opinions have less of an effect on me. Nothing personal, don't take it to heart. (But of course it still can, I'm not a robot)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've tried to lie to myself once "

Did you believe yourself

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I'm learning about myself every week at the moment it seems.

As much as I can be a hard nosed stubborn fucker I AM a sensitive soul.

Opening the mind and allowing the "why" to surface can be a painful thing to do, because it highlights we aren't perfect. It's about understanding and allowing ourselves to look deeper and address things. It isn't easy as we realise there could be a fair amount of "unlearning" to be done to get to where we want to be in life and internally, and yes, it's bloody daunting when you discover you have no fucking idea how to get there, you just know you want to.

So no, half the time I don't know what I want, as I don't know if it will help or hinder the where I am now. All I know is it's a slower process than I ever imagined it would be, but I do know where I want to get to.

P"

That's a wonderfully honest post.

I agree with you about all of that and yes, it can be painful if you realise you've been guilty of hypocrisy, hurting others or just being less than honest with yourself. Self improvement is difficult at times but that's the kind of honesty I was talking about.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"i dont know what i want at all.

im on a voyage of self discovery

So you don't know why you're here, what you want or why you want it?

nope ... im finally learning about who i really am and what i truely want

"

That's a good thing in itself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" So many say one thing, yet do another.

I'm definitely more inclined to get the measure of someone based on what they do rather than say.

If the 2 don't fit together, I have to question it "

I hear ya. I'm aware peoples wants, needs and desires may change and that's ok. But as far as the "who" they are and how they portray themselves, well, I struggle to understand and accept things can be so different so come to the conclusion things are being hidden for a reason, and not a good one.

P

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I'm honest to a fault, my gut reaction is to tell the truth whether it gets me in the shit or not. I doubt I'm sharp enough to maintain a lie anyway, keeping track of life uses enough brain power as it is.

I try to take responsibility for my actions, especially over the last year or so I've become better at self-analysis and calling myself out on my bullshit. My delusions tend to be about other people, their motives, which is ridiculous as it's totally out of my control. But I'm getting better at not caring about that."

Honesty with others is one thing and entirely laudable, honesty with yourself is a very different creature.

As you say, you have no control over how others act or react, all you can do is you, its not the easiest thing to remember at times though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've tried to lie to myself once

Did you believe yourself "

Well I am a good actor but sort of knew that something wasn't right you know what I mean?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I'm honest to a fault, my gut reaction is to tell the truth whether it gets me in the shit or not. I doubt I'm sharp enough to maintain a lie anyway, keeping track of life uses enough brain power as it is.

I try to take responsibility for my actions, especially over the last year or so I've become better at self-analysis and calling myself out on my bullshit. My delusions tend to be about other people, their motives, which is ridiculous as it's totally out of my control. But I'm getting better at not caring about that.

I relate immensely to that final point. It’s hard to shut off the analysing and assumptions and focus back on what I can control.

That's me too. Practically put my fingers in my ears then and did the "la la la la" I can't hear you thing.

Other peoples intentions and motives are my major hurdle. So many people can't be honest with themselves, so why would they be honest with others? So many say one thing, yet do another. Yes, I can control my reaction to it, however I'm not prepared to let myself get taken for a muppet and the possible damage that can be done to a relationship may be irreversible.

P"

I agree with this too, I find something that I struggle with daily is what I can and can't control, what's within my power to change and dealing with the frustration of the things that I can't.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm on here because I don't get much attention in normal life and my sex life is dire.

~Mia

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By *heslimoneMan
over a year ago

Deeside


"I'm on here because I don't get much attention in normal life and my sex life is dire.

~Mia"

Are you kidding, you don't get much attention with a hot body like that? Something tells me this is false...

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


" So many say one thing, yet do another.

I'm definitely more inclined to get the measure of someone based on what they do rather than say.

If the 2 don't fit together, I have to question it "

That's an interesting point, do you follow that same process with yourself?

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By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip


"I'm on here because I don't get much attention in normal life and my sex life is dire.

~Mia"

I think we need to spend more time in Inverness.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I try to fool myself regularly with lies but I am aware it’s all bollocks. "

In what what?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I lie to myself that I haven't got time to go to the gym.

Oh dear

Jo x"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm on here because I don't get much attention in normal life and my sex life is dire.

~Mia

Are you kidding, you don't get much attention with a hot body like that? Something tells me this is false..."

It is true, my tinder and badoo have barely any matches and those that do match don't bother to message me or repky to a message, when I go out I don't get hit on, even when dressed up or going on a night out. I have no fuck buddies, partners or anything else. Even here I don't get mass amounts of attention.

But hey ho, always been the case so I'm used to it.

~Mia

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know what I want, my motives, my preferences, and I'm honest with myself about all that. I know if I lie or not and the reasons why.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm learning about myself every week at the moment it seems.

As much as I can be a hard nosed stubborn fucker I AM a sensitive soul.

Opening the mind and allowing the "why" to surface can be a painful thing to do, because it highlights we aren't perfect. It's about understanding and allowing ourselves to look deeper and address things. It isn't easy as we realise there could be a fair amount of "unlearning" to be done to get to where we want to be in life and internally, and yes, it's bloody daunting when you discover you have no fucking idea how to get there, you just know you want to.

So no, half the time I don't know what I want, as I don't know if it will help or hinder the where I am now. All I know is it's a slower process than I ever imagined it would be, but I do know where I want to get to.

P

That's a wonderfully honest post.

I agree with you about all of that and yes, it can be painful if you realise you've been guilty of hypocrisy, hurting others or just being less than honest with yourself. Self improvement is difficult at times but that's the kind of honesty I was talking about. "

Thing is, when we truly get to the dark deep gritty side of it, in my case at least it can be traced back to areas in my life where I've been wronged. I know I'm not a bad human, but I don't always give people a chance or I'll super analyse other people because of damage that's been done previously. That doesn't mean the person I'm analysing is a bad person, it means I'm dealing with shit that's deep. It means I lack trust in others which isn't a quality I'm proud of, but is something I'm trying to combat. It's a byproduct of self preservation. Would things be easier on me, us and others if I wasn't this way? Yes.

P

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I'm on here because I don't get much attention in normal life and my sex life is dire.

~Mia

Are you kidding, you don't get much attention with a hot body like that? Something tells me this is false..."

Perception, reality and how things appear are all very different things, whilst I recognise that this was intended as a compliment, I'm sure that a person's understanding of their own situation is far better than the impression of a person looking at pictures on a screen.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I know what I want, my motives, my preferences, and I'm honest with myself about all that. I know if I lie or not and the reasons why."

I pretty much expected this reaction from yourself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can honestly say im a lier sometimes im a salesman or am i muhahahahaaa

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm on here because I don't get much attention in normal life and my sex life is dire.

~Mia

Are you kidding, you don't get much attention with a hot body like that? Something tells me this is false...

Perception, reality and how things appear are all very different things, whilst I recognise that this was intended as a compliment, I'm sure that a person's understanding of their own situation is far better than the impression of a person looking at pictures on a screen. "

Indeed. It's always been the case for me. I'm not fishing for anything by stating my reality.

~Mia

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm learning about myself every week at the moment it seems.

As much as I can be a hard nosed stubborn fucker I AM a sensitive soul.

Opening the mind and allowing the "why" to surface can be a painful thing to do, because it highlights we aren't perfect. It's about understanding and allowing ourselves to look deeper and address things. It isn't easy as we realise there could be a fair amount of "unlearning" to be done to get to where we want to be in life and internally, and yes, it's bloody daunting when you discover you have no fucking idea how to get there, you just know you want to.

So no, half the time I don't know what I want, as I don't know if it will help or hinder the where I am now. All I know is it's a slower process than I ever imagined it would be, but I do know where I want to get to.

P

That's a wonderfully honest post.

I agree with you about all of that and yes, it can be painful if you realise you've been guilty of hypocrisy, hurting others or just being less than honest with yourself. Self improvement is difficult at times but that's the kind of honesty I was talking about.

Thing is, when we truly get to the dark deep gritty side of it, in my case at least it can be traced back to areas in my life where I've been wronged. I know I'm not a bad human, but I don't always give people a chance or I'll super analyse other people because of damage that's been done previously. That doesn't mean the person I'm analysing is a bad person, it means I'm dealing with shit that's deep. It means I lack trust in others which isn't a quality I'm proud of, but is something I'm trying to combat. It's a byproduct of self preservation. Would things be easier on me, us and others if I wasn't this way? Yes.

P"

I like all that you wrote, your honesty and openness is tangible and I relate to it a lot. -Mrs

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By *heslimoneMan
over a year ago

Deeside


"I'm on here because I don't get much attention in normal life and my sex life is dire.

~Mia

Are you kidding, you don't get much attention with a hot body like that? Something tells me this is false...

Perception, reality and how things appear are all very different things, whilst I recognise that this was intended as a compliment, I'm sure that a person's understanding of their own situation is far better than the impression of a person looking at pictures on a screen. "

You are of course correct and certainly no offence was meant by my comment. I get that self confidence and perception of ones self is often very different to what those viewing from the outside may believe.

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By *ryst In IsoldeWoman
over a year ago

your imagination

Yup. 100%... And if I post or message something bitchy or out of character, I'll be really pissed off with myself for reacting and letting myself down. I put myself on a timeout.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can say with 100 honesty my penis is only for 1

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Pretty much.. I over explain if anything

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I'm learning about myself every week at the moment it seems.

As much as I can be a hard nosed stubborn fucker I AM a sensitive soul.

Opening the mind and allowing the "why" to surface can be a painful thing to do, because it highlights we aren't perfect. It's about understanding and allowing ourselves to look deeper and address things. It isn't easy as we realise there could be a fair amount of "unlearning" to be done to get to where we want to be in life and internally, and yes, it's bloody daunting when you discover you have no fucking idea how to get there, you just know you want to.

So no, half the time I don't know what I want, as I don't know if it will help or hinder the where I am now. All I know is it's a slower process than I ever imagined it would be, but I do know where I want to get to.

P

That's a wonderfully honest post.

I agree with you about all of that and yes, it can be painful if you realise you've been guilty of hypocrisy, hurting others or just being less than honest with yourself. Self improvement is difficult at times but that's the kind of honesty I was talking about.

Thing is, when we truly get to the dark deep gritty side of it, in my case at least it can be traced back to areas in my life where I've been wronged. I know I'm not a bad human, but I don't always give people a chance or I'll super analyse other people because of damage that's been done previously. That doesn't mean the person I'm analysing is a bad person, it means I'm dealing with shit that's deep. It means I lack trust in others which isn't a quality I'm proud of, but is something I'm trying to combat. It's a byproduct of self preservation. Would things be easier on me, us and others if I wasn't this way? Yes.

P"

I agree with you 100%, I'm very similar.

I think that many people, if they were 100% honest, would recognise this as true about themselves too, the key point and the hardest part, I think, is to then do something about it. To attempt to unlearn or own our faults and not let them cause further damage.

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By *xmfrvnMan
over a year ago

Stoke-on-Trent


"I've tried to lie to myself once

Did you believe yourself

Well I am a good actor but sort of knew that something wasn't right you know what I mean? "

Uncanny Valley

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By *xmfrvnMan
over a year ago

Stoke-on-Trent


"I'm on here because I don't get much attention in normal life and my sex life is dire.

~Mia"

I feel that

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By *ryst In IsoldeWoman
over a year ago

your imagination


"Pretty much.. I over explain if anything "

That's OK GK... I love your voice anyway

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Yup. 100%... And if I post or message something bitchy or out of character, I'll be really pissed off with myself for reacting and letting myself down. I put myself on a timeout. "

48 minutes on the naughty step is quite long...

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Pretty much.. I over explain if anything "

After seeing your posts, I know that you try to keep yourself as honest and true as possible.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I know what I want, my motives, my preferences, and I'm honest with myself about all that. I know if I lie or not and the reasons why.

I pretty much expected this reaction from yourself "

Should I be offended?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm learning about myself every week at the moment it seems.

As much as I can be a hard nosed stubborn fucker I AM a sensitive soul.

Opening the mind and allowing the "why" to surface can be a painful thing to do, because it highlights we aren't perfect. It's about understanding and allowing ourselves to look deeper and address things. It isn't easy as we realise there could be a fair amount of "unlearning" to be done to get to where we want to be in life and internally, and yes, it's bloody daunting when you discover you have no fucking idea how to get there, you just know you want to.

So no, half the time I don't know what I want, as I don't know if it will help or hinder the where I am now. All I know is it's a slower process than I ever imagined it would be, but I do know where I want to get to.

P

That's a wonderfully honest post.

I agree with you about all of that and yes, it can be painful if you realise you've been guilty of hypocrisy, hurting others or just being less than honest with yourself. Self improvement is difficult at times but that's the kind of honesty I was talking about.

Thing is, when we truly get to the dark deep gritty side of it, in my case at least it can be traced back to areas in my life where I've been wronged. I know I'm not a bad human, but I don't always give people a chance or I'll super analyse other people because of damage that's been done previously. That doesn't mean the person I'm analysing is a bad person, it means I'm dealing with shit that's deep. It means I lack trust in others which isn't a quality I'm proud of, but is something I'm trying to combat. It's a byproduct of self preservation. Would things be easier on me, us and others if I wasn't this way? Yes.

P

I like all that you wrote, your honesty and openness is tangible and I relate to it a lot. -Mrs"

Thank you, I just feel if I'm honest about who I am, and what I need (complete transparency, no bullshit, understanding) then people will know who/what they're dealing with. We all say time and again that if we're truthful about stuff we'll end up bumping into the people that meet our needs. By trying to fit into a box and bend ourselves to be what others want rather than what we want or who isn't just being unfair on ourselves it's being unfair on the other person/people too, as we aren't giving them or letting them see our true selves.

Fair enough if you only meet people for fantasy stuff or you live by your fab alter ego and that's the only side people will ever see or the only "you" you'll be relating to fab as then that's straight forward to a degree, but if you're the kind of person who becomes mates with, cares for others then it ain't really fair. I don't want to find out I've bonded with someone, defended someone, cared for someone who then turns out to be a right devious cunt away from fab who's taking people for fools.

P

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.

I'm honest with myself yes. I probably overthink and overanalyse why I do certain things and not others. I quite enjoy analysing my thought and behavioural patterns and finding the links and why they are the way there are. Whether I share that with others is a different matter entirely.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm learning about myself every week at the moment it seems.

As much as I can be a hard nosed stubborn fucker I AM a sensitive soul.

Opening the mind and allowing the "why" to surface can be a painful thing to do, because it highlights we aren't perfect. It's about understanding and allowing ourselves to look deeper and address things. It isn't easy as we realise there could be a fair amount of "unlearning" to be done to get to where we want to be in life and internally, and yes, it's bloody daunting when you discover you have no fucking idea how to get there, you just know you want to.

So no, half the time I don't know what I want, as I don't know if it will help or hinder the where I am now. All I know is it's a slower process than I ever imagined it would be, but I do know where I want to get to.

P

That's a wonderfully honest post.

I agree with you about all of that and yes, it can be painful if you realise you've been guilty of hypocrisy, hurting others or just being less than honest with yourself. Self improvement is difficult at times but that's the kind of honesty I was talking about.

Thing is, when we truly get to the dark deep gritty side of it, in my case at least it can be traced back to areas in my life where I've been wronged. I know I'm not a bad human, but I don't always give people a chance or I'll super analyse other people because of damage that's been done previously. That doesn't mean the person I'm analysing is a bad person, it means I'm dealing with shit that's deep. It means I lack trust in others which isn't a quality I'm proud of, but is something I'm trying to combat. It's a byproduct of self preservation. Would things be easier on me, us and others if I wasn't this way? Yes.

P

I agree with you 100%, I'm very similar.

I think that many people, if they were 100% honest, would recognise this as true about themselves too, the key point and the hardest part, I think, is to then do something about it. To attempt to unlearn or own our faults and not let them cause further damage. "

Absolutely.

There's a difference between acknowledging our flaws or things we may prefer were different but then saying "well I went through this and that's that", to "I had some shit go down that pickled my head a bit. I ain't necessarily proud of the scars it's left but I'm working on them. Don't know how long it's gonna take to get to where I want to be, but hey, we're all works in progress right?"

I know there are things that will take extra time, extra work but I'm trying. Every time I take a step in the right direction some muppet seems to prove I was right in the first place to feel a sense of unrest.

P

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I'm honest with myself yes. I probably overthink and overanalyse why I do certain things and not others. I quite enjoy analysing my thought and behavioural patterns and finding the links and why they are the way there are. Whether I share that with others is a different matter entirely. "

I don't think it's necessary to share it with others, it will affect others though

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.


"I'm honest with myself yes. I probably overthink and overanalyse why I do certain things and not others. I quite enjoy analysing my thought and behavioural patterns and finding the links and why they are the way there are. Whether I share that with others is a different matter entirely.

I don't think it's necessary to share it with others, it will affect others though"

Of course it *could* affect others. Everything could. Not everything needs to be shared or discussed, especially when the other isn't willing to truly listen.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" So many say one thing, yet do another.

I'm definitely more inclined to get the measure of someone based on what they do rather than say.

If the 2 don't fit together, I have to question it

That's an interesting point, do you follow that same process with yourself?

"

I tend not to say that much about myself in terms of making claims about who/what I am.

But yeah, there are occasions when I've had to have a word with myself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm learning about myself every week at the moment it seems.

As much as I can be a hard nosed stubborn fucker I AM a sensitive soul.

Opening the mind and allowing the "why" to surface can be a painful thing to do, because it highlights we aren't perfect. It's about understanding and allowing ourselves to look deeper and address things. It isn't easy as we realise there could be a fair amount of "unlearning" to be done to get to where we want to be in life and internally, and yes, it's bloody daunting when you discover you have no fucking idea how to get there, you just know you want to.

So no, half the time I don't know what I want, as I don't know if it will help or hinder the where I am now. All I know is it's a slower process than I ever imagined it would be, but I do know where I want to get to.

P

That's a wonderfully honest post.

I agree with you about all of that and yes, it can be painful if you realise you've been guilty of hypocrisy, hurting others or just being less than honest with yourself. Self improvement is difficult at times but that's the kind of honesty I was talking about.

Thing is, when we truly get to the dark deep gritty side of it, in my case at least it can be traced back to areas in my life where I've been wronged. I know I'm not a bad human, but I don't always give people a chance or I'll super analyse other people because of damage that's been done previously. That doesn't mean the person I'm analysing is a bad person, it means I'm dealing with shit that's deep. It means I lack trust in others which isn't a quality I'm proud of, but is something I'm trying to combat. It's a byproduct of self preservation. Would things be easier on me, us and others if I wasn't this way? Yes.

P

I agree with you 100%, I'm very similar.

I think that many people, if they were 100% honest, would recognise this as true about themselves too, the key point and the hardest part, I think, is to then do something about it. To attempt to unlearn or own our faults and not let them cause further damage.

Absolutely.

There's a difference between acknowledging our flaws or things we may prefer were different but then saying "well I went through this and that's that", to "I had some shit go down that pickled my head a bit. I ain't necessarily proud of the scars it's left but I'm working on them. Don't know how long it's gonna take to get to where I want to be, but hey, we're all works in progress right?"

I know there are things that will take extra time, extra work but I'm trying. Every time I take a step in the right direction some muppet seems to prove I was right in the first place to feel a sense of unrest.

P"

Just one muppet? What about all the many many other people you come into contact with who don't prove the unrest? The nice ones who prove you're on the right track?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm honest with myself yes. I probably overthink and overanalyse why I do certain things and not others. I quite enjoy analysing my thought and behavioural patterns and finding the links and why they are the way there are. Whether I share that with others is a different matter entirely.

I don't think it's necessary to share it with others, it will affect others though

Of course it *could* affect others. Everything could. Not everything needs to be shared or discussed, especially when the other isn't willing to truly listen."

Therin lies another thing, a lot of people don't truly listen (maybe because they don't care or it seems like hard work that they didn't sign up for, or extra effort they can't be arsed to make)

Some will also take the findings and use them to their own gain in an abusive way.

It's a risk we take when we open up.

P

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm learning about myself every week at the moment it seems.

As much as I can be a hard nosed stubborn fucker I AM a sensitive soul.

Opening the mind and allowing the "why" to surface can be a painful thing to do, because it highlights we aren't perfect. It's about understanding and allowing ourselves to look deeper and address things. It isn't easy as we realise there could be a fair amount of "unlearning" to be done to get to where we want to be in life and internally, and yes, it's bloody daunting when you discover you have no fucking idea how to get there, you just know you want to.

So no, half the time I don't know what I want, as I don't know if it will help or hinder the where I am now. All I know is it's a slower process than I ever imagined it would be, but I do know where I want to get to.

P

That's a wonderfully honest post.

I agree with you about all of that and yes, it can be painful if you realise you've been guilty of hypocrisy, hurting others or just being less than honest with yourself. Self improvement is difficult at times but that's the kind of honesty I was talking about.

Thing is, when we truly get to the dark deep gritty side of it, in my case at least it can be traced back to areas in my life where I've been wronged. I know I'm not a bad human, but I don't always give people a chance or I'll super analyse other people because of damage that's been done previously. That doesn't mean the person I'm analysing is a bad person, it means I'm dealing with shit that's deep. It means I lack trust in others which isn't a quality I'm proud of, but is something I'm trying to combat. It's a byproduct of self preservation. Would things be easier on me, us and others if I wasn't this way? Yes.

P

I agree with you 100%, I'm very similar.

I think that many people, if they were 100% honest, would recognise this as true about themselves too, the key point and the hardest part, I think, is to then do something about it. To attempt to unlearn or own our faults and not let them cause further damage.

Absolutely.

There's a difference between acknowledging our flaws or things we may prefer were different but then saying "well I went through this and that's that", to "I had some shit go down that pickled my head a bit. I ain't necessarily proud of the scars it's left but I'm working on them. Don't know how long it's gonna take to get to where I want to be, but hey, we're all works in progress right?"

I know there are things that will take extra time, extra work but I'm trying. Every time I take a step in the right direction some muppet seems to prove I was right in the first place to feel a sense of unrest.

P

Just one muppet? What about all the many many other people you come into contact with who don't prove the unrest? The nice ones who prove you're on the right track?"

The problem is it's normally the ones I want to trust but am unsure of that prove my unrest right. There are some I trust without question, like in my tummy I know they're good souls. I can forgive things in them I wouldn't in others because they've been honest and I respect honesty even if it stings a bit (sometimes a lot)

P

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

If you can’t be honest with yourself in what you want, how can you be honest with someone else

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm learning about myself every week at the moment it seems.

As much as I can be a hard nosed stubborn fucker I AM a sensitive soul.

Opening the mind and allowing the "why" to surface can be a painful thing to do, because it highlights we aren't perfect. It's about understanding and allowing ourselves to look deeper and address things. It isn't easy as we realise there could be a fair amount of "unlearning" to be done to get to where we want to be in life and internally, and yes, it's bloody daunting when you discover you have no fucking idea how to get there, you just know you want to.

So no, half the time I don't know what I want, as I don't know if it will help or hinder the where I am now. All I know is it's a slower process than I ever imagined it would be, but I do know where I want to get to.

P

That's a wonderfully honest post.

I agree with you about all of that and yes, it can be painful if you realise you've been guilty of hypocrisy, hurting others or just being less than honest with yourself. Self improvement is difficult at times but that's the kind of honesty I was talking about.

Thing is, when we truly get to the dark deep gritty side of it, in my case at least it can be traced back to areas in my life where I've been wronged. I know I'm not a bad human, but I don't always give people a chance or I'll super analyse other people because of damage that's been done previously. That doesn't mean the person I'm analysing is a bad person, it means I'm dealing with shit that's deep. It means I lack trust in others which isn't a quality I'm proud of, but is something I'm trying to combat. It's a byproduct of self preservation. Would things be easier on me, us and others if I wasn't this way? Yes.

P

I agree with you 100%, I'm very similar.

I think that many people, if they were 100% honest, would recognise this as true about themselves too, the key point and the hardest part, I think, is to then do something about it. To attempt to unlearn or own our faults and not let them cause further damage.

Absolutely.

There's a difference between acknowledging our flaws or things we may prefer were different but then saying "well I went through this and that's that", to "I had some shit go down that pickled my head a bit. I ain't necessarily proud of the scars it's left but I'm working on them. Don't know how long it's gonna take to get to where I want to be, but hey, we're all works in progress right?"

I know there are things that will take extra time, extra work but I'm trying. Every time I take a step in the right direction some muppet seems to prove I was right in the first place to feel a sense of unrest.

P

Just one muppet? What about all the many many other people you come into contact with who don't prove the unrest? The nice ones who prove you're on the right track?

The problem is it's normally the ones I want to trust but am unsure of that prove my unrest right. There are some I trust without question, like in my tummy I know they're good souls. I can forgive things in them I wouldn't in others because they've been honest and I respect honesty even if it stings a bit (sometimes a lot)

P"

Ok sorry, I thought you meant it was a negative.

It's a positive, your gut is proved right. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Ok sorry, I thought you meant it was a negative.

It's a positive, your gut is proved right. x"

It was a negative of sorts though, as there are far more people I feel unrest about than I do the opposite. I think that some of the unrest merely comes down to "they're only interested in what they can gain from a situation rather than the situation as a whole and any impact it could have".

I think that's partly why I like clubs. All I have to deal with is the situation in front of me. I don't have the opportunity to think too much, just a gut feeling to go on.

I admit I don't like the big rooms with multiple people coz I can't relax, as there are too many people to keep tabs on.

I love parties tho, they're my favourite. They're just more relaxed even though they can be wild.

P

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I try to be honest with everyone and everything I do in everyday life, but there’s certain scenarios you have to compromise especially if you indulge in a lifestyle you only want certain people to be aware of. I’m never usually honest with myself because then disappoint and regret becomes more of a reality

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 06/08/19 13:36:15]

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I'm honest with myself yes. I probably overthink and overanalyse why I do certain things and not others. I quite enjoy analysing my thought and behavioural patterns and finding the links and why they are the way there are. Whether I share that with others is a different matter entirely.

I don't think it's necessary to share it with others, it will affect others though

Of course it *could* affect others. Everything could. Not everything needs to be shared or discussed, especially when the other isn't willing to truly listen."

No, not everything needs to be shared or discussed, that's the point of the thread. Do people look for their own answers within themselves, not to share with others but to better inform themselves, that *will* then affect other people.

As for active listening, it is a skill. Actually paying attention to people and listening to what they're saying, not what you think they are and not waiting for a pause to interject or a way to prove them wrong and yourself right. It's not always easy in itself.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

yes i am honest with myself and others. I always knew why i was here. When i was meeting new people i was honest and clear in what i was looking for. When i was ill a couple of years ago i had a talk with myself as it was no longer what i was looking for. I was honest with myself in what i wanted which was just to see my regular guys. Turns out im more than happy doing what im doing. Hence the blank profile. I wouldnt want yo lead anyone on and have them believe i was looking for something i wasnt. It works well for me

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly


"Not with others but with yourself...

This isn't about the lies that you tell yourself but with the true drive of your motives, the reasons behind your preferences and why you flirt, maybe lie/cheat, message the same people over again or insult people.

Obviously those examples aren't relevant to everyone but are you scrupulously honest about your motives?

Tea"

Great question OP!

I think I am very honest with myself about my fab life and how I interact. I think it's a product of being in a stable relationship and having frequent discussions about our swinging life. There is no room for deception or ulterior motives for us and in fact I think it would be counter-productive - we have been brought closer than ever as a couple through this adventure but if one of us wasn't being honest, either with themselves or the other person, then that would jeopardise our relationship. Our number one rule - if it's not fun for both of us, we don't do it.

I do have to watch myself as I do like to flirt - always have - and it's great fun matching wits with people on here, and being able to be totally open about sex, which I am not in the rest of my life (except with Mr, obvs). When I find myself doing that rather than spending time with Mr, though, I give myself a shake! It can be addictive.

Mrs TMN x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Not with others but with yourself...

This isn't about the lies that you tell yourself but with the true drive of your motives, the reasons behind your preferences and why you flirt, maybe lie/cheat, message the same people over again or insult people.

Obviously those examples aren't relevant to everyone but are you scrupulously honest about your motives?

Tea"

No I'm probably not. I know my motivation for most things but not all. I'd have to be some sort of Dalai llama figure to be 100% honest about my motivation and I haven't done that amount of navel gazing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Not with others but with yourself...

This isn't about the lies that you tell yourself but with the true drive of your motives, the reasons behind your preferences and why you flirt, maybe lie/cheat, message the same people over again or insult people.

Obviously those examples aren't relevant to everyone but are you scrupulously honest about your motives?

Tea

No I'm probably not. I know my motivation for most things but not all. I'd have to be some sort of Dalai llama figure to be 100% honest about my motivation and I haven't done that amount of navel gazing"

It's on ongoing process though isn't it so I don't ever think you'd get to the absolute core no matter how much navel gazing you did. Who I was last year isn't who I am today kinda thing.

P

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Not with others but with yourself...

This isn't about the lies that you tell yourself but with the true drive of your motives, the reasons behind your preferences and why you flirt, maybe lie/cheat, message the same people over again or insult people.

Obviously those examples aren't relevant to everyone but are you scrupulously honest about your motives?

Tea

No I'm probably not. I know my motivation for most things but not all. I'd have to be some sort of Dalai llama figure to be 100% honest about my motivation and I haven't done that amount of navel gazing

It's on ongoing process though isn't it so I don't ever think you'd get to the absolute core no matter how much navel gazing you did. Who I was last year isn't who I am today kinda thing.

P"

I agree. I think you need to be self aware and realistic.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Not with others but with yourself...

This isn't about the lies that you tell yourself but with the true drive of your motives, the reasons behind your preferences and why you flirt, maybe lie/cheat, message the same people over again or insult people.

Obviously those examples aren't relevant to everyone but are you scrupulously honest about your motives?

Tea"

I don't overthink sex in all its wonderful forms. I like what I like, I know why I like it...it isn't anyone else's business why I like it. When it comes to hookup sites like this we're all just looking for the peeps that like our kinks too. I avoid the drama & drop the dickheads from my inbox. Consensual sex with someone you're attracted to for pleasure... nothing more to it than that for me personally.

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