FabSwingers.com forum: Describe your occupation badly

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

You know how it goes, give a description of your occupation on the worst possible light

I suck peoples toes to make their feet more comfortable!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I pull my wire to light up their lives

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By *uciyassMan
over a year ago

sheffield

I move things about to piss people off

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By *irth.Minge.FireMan
over a year ago

Seen in far off places

I get paid handsomely to direct and ultimately be held accountable. Success in my role is measured by commercial and financial outcomes, which determines the overall company share price value.

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By *ed-monkeyCouple
over a year ago

Hailsham

Spy

Oh wait ... that just proves I'm bad at my occupation

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By *tingly ByronMan
over a year ago

In a town Fab forgot

I look after people and buildings and stuff and make sure half the civilised world doesn't go boom.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I look after people and buildings and stuff and make sure half the civilised world doesn't go boom."

You're the keeper of the infinity stones?

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By *hoenixAdAstraWoman
over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows

2 jobs

1. I give people what they want, I make them happy, they often fall over & crawl home.

2. I make people do things they don't want to, I make them cry, they fall over & often crawl home

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I make sure everyones wheels don't fall off and they don't break down

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I make nipples stiff.

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By *tingly ByronMan
over a year ago

In a town Fab forgot

"I look after people and buildings and stuff and make sure half the civilised world doesn't go boom.

You're the keeper of the infinity stones?"

Damn, described my job too well....

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By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

Luke tells people to switch their computers off and on again.

Hannah opens her mouth and makes a noise.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I make nipples stiff."

Refrigeration engineer??

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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

I provide substance for smaller people and know what bacteria can kill you so prevent this from happening.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I stretch membrane

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I make nipples stiff.

Refrigeration engineer??"

Boring. You wasn't meant to guess correctly first time!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Boss the guys and girls on shift about, tell grumpy lorry drivers to f#@k off and have my area manager sending stupid pointless e-mails all hours day and night

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By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

[Removed by poster at 30/07/19 16:03:13]

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By *sgrantedMan
over a year ago

dundee

I stick balloons in holes

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By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

I’m like Chandler in friends, nobody really knows what I do! I mainly talk to people and try to convince other people to do some work.

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By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

"I’m like Chandler in friends, nobody really knows what I do! I mainly talk to people and try to convince other people to do some work. "

Ah. Middle management.

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

Computer says no, especially naughty people

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We delay most people in mornings getting to work lll

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I’m like Chandler in friends, nobody really knows what I do! I mainly talk to people and try to convince other people to do some work.

Ah. Middle management."

I was thinking that or consultant

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By *ed-monkeyCouple
over a year ago

Hailsham

I write things explaining why things that people think shouldn't fly ... should

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By *c1989Woman
over a year ago

Manchester

[Removed by poster at 30/07/19 16:23:37]

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By *ittlewinkerMan
over a year ago

Llandudno

cow juice before its sold in the shops

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By *ig_eric_tionMan
over a year ago

IPSWICH

Mainly my job consists of erecting laying and humping....

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

I spend a lot of my time looking over the top of my glasses and shaking my head with frustration. Worst case scenario I roll my eyes .... but the outcome is always the same, use it wisely ....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Drug dealer.

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

"Drug dealer."

That could apply to me..I'm the go to person when you need a quick fix

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Drug dealer.

That could apply to me..I'm the go to person when you need a quick fix "

Unfortunately mine is legal so the pay is rubbish

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

"Drug dealer.

That could apply to me..I'm the go to person when you need a quick fix

Unfortunately mine is legal so the pay is rubbish

Mine too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I torture people and make them cry ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Planet saver... but probably not in my lifetime

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Drug dealer.

That could apply to me..I'm the go to person when you need a quick fix

Unfortunately mine is legal so the pay is rubbish

Mine too

I am good at body plumbing problems too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I, (M), sit around all day, doing as little as possible, and boring everyone with bland comments on the forums....

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By *andonmessMan
over a year ago

A world all of his own

I hit things with a hammer until they work, or until something falls off. In which case it's definitely broken. At all hours of the day.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I tell people where to go. I show them that, too.

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

"Drug dealer.

That could apply to me..I'm the go to person when you need a quick fix

Unfortunately mine is legal so the pay is rubbish

Mine too

I am good at body plumbing problems too

That's good to know I've got some bits that need plumping

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I, (M), sit around all day, doing as little as possible, and boring everyone with bland comments on the forums...."

A mod ?

Only joking Mrs N

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Drug dealer.

That could apply to me..I'm the go to person when you need a quick fix

Unfortunately mine is legal so the pay is rubbish

Mine too

I am good at body plumbing problems too

That's good to know I've got some bits that need plumping

Plumbing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Twatting about on the internet

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

"Drug dealer.

That could apply to me..I'm the go to person when you need a quick fix

Unfortunately mine is legal so the pay is rubbish

Mine too

I am good at body plumbing problems too

That's good to know I've got some bits that need plumping

Plumbing

As it happens I've got plumbing problems too

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By *edp.e84Man
over a year ago

Reading

Throwing tiles at walls hoping they stick

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Throwing tiles at walls hoping they stick "

Vamp - throwing kids at walls, hoping they will stick....

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By *ogNMuseCouple
over a year ago

Surrey

"I torture people and make them cry ...

Bank manager?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I, (M), sit around all day, doing as little as possible, and boring everyone with bland comments on the forums....

A mod ?

Only joking Mrs N

BANNED.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I torture people and make them cry ...

Bank manager?"

Worse....HMRC....

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By *ogNMuseCouple
over a year ago

Surrey

Tog - I press a button

Muse - helps people be more annoying online

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I, (M), sit around all day, doing as little as possible, and boring everyone with bland comments on the forums....

A mod ?

Only joking Mrs N

BANNED.....

Awww, not again

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By *oastal1968Man
over a year ago

London

"I look after people and buildings and stuff and make sure half the civilised world doesn't go boom."

Legend!

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By *ocodoughnutgirlWoman
over a year ago

Sea of jelly and doughnuts

I make peoples dreams and fantasies come true, using sharp objects, machinery and pretty stuff

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I tell people what to do whilst doing very little myself

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By *r D30Man
over a year ago

Loughborough

I dance on poles so you can keep looking at fab

You're welcome

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I make sure that when you go out to eat, that the chefs have something that works to cook your food on

I also make sure your food is kept safely and that you have ice for your drinks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get people wet,warm and the ability to sleep soundly

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By *latinumkittenWoman
over a year ago

from Home Counties to Middle Earth

I make it up as I go along. I play the money markets and work with, and for people, I never meet.

I'm like the Baldrick food tester - and I go to places ahead of you, so you may want to, or never have to visit.

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By *UNKIEMan
over a year ago

south east

Drive about picking people up and taking their cash off them

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By *il FiskMan
over a year ago

sefton

Im a protective surface coatings technician!

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

I poke the holes in doughnuts at Greggs

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

I'm formidably efficient and effective or, Mary Poppins.

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By *ed-monkeyCouple
over a year ago

Hailsham

"Im a protective surface coatings technician!"

A painter?

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By *appytochatMan
over a year ago

Deep in the New Forest

I like to bang and screw and things start to rise

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By *ed-monkeyCouple
over a year ago

Hailsham

Red sells rocks and metals to narcissistic people

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By *ed-monkeyCouple
over a year ago

Hailsham

"Red sells rocks and metals to narcissistic people"

For people... read idiots

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I smear and splatter various creamy liquids

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By *he Mac LassWoman
over a year ago

Hefty Hideaway

I poke at things and boss men about. Measuring in mm is a highlight.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wait till people who are having one of the shittiest days of their lives. And then I speak to themm

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

I stare at a screen and type fast.

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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

"Planet saver... but probably not in my lifetime"

Nuclear fusion

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"I poke at things and boss men about. Measuring in mm is a highlight. "

It gives them a bigger number than inches.

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

I sell people things they don't want and just lock away in cupboards for years

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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

"I sell people things they don't want and just lock away in cupboards for years"

Not tupawear!

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By *edp.e84Man
over a year ago

Reading

"Throwing tiles at walls hoping they stick

Vamp - throwing kids at walls, hoping they will stick....

Hahaha think I'll have more luck than you

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By *adeiteWoman
over a year ago

Staffordshire

I play with knives and fire

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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

"I play with knives and fire "

Chef

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By *wosmilersCouple
over a year ago

Heathrowish

After it comes in the mouth, it backs on, gets tied up before it discharges the full load.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Glorified paper round

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wipe arses and get moaned at a lot

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i guide people around

and help those unable to become able

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By *uzukiNo1Woman
over a year ago

Rhyl

I make critters explode from the inside out....

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By *he Mac LassWoman
over a year ago

Hefty Hideaway

"I poke at things and boss men about. Measuring in mm is a highlight.

It gives them a bigger number than inches.

They bloody love it

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

"I sell people things they don't want and just lock away in cupboards for years

Not tupawear!"

I wish

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bring joy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m pretty sure I’ve still got my job because I make people smile in work.

I just flounce around flirting my way through the day

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By *xperimentalistMan
over a year ago

East Yorkshire

Feels like this week it is just swearing and cursing at incompetence

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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

"i guide people around

and help those unable to become able"

Occupational therapist

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Look at lists and decide if anything on the list is dangerous and tell someone.

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By *istretchMan
over a year ago

leeds

[Removed by poster at 30/07/19 21:44:50]

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By *istretchMan
over a year ago

leeds

Im another one who makes nipples stiff lol

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By *DreamOfGenieWoman
over a year ago

London

I make dreams come true by writing lists and shouting at other people

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By *il FiskMan
over a year ago

sefton

"Im a protective surface coatings technician!

A painter?"

Yup!

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By *aughtyLittleMissWoman
over a year ago

Aberdeen

"I poke the holes in doughnuts at Greggs"

What with?

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By *opsy71Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

I visit moaning old people and make suggestions to them to make life easier that they refuse to pay for cos they would rather give it to their grandchildren and sit in the cold.

I'm excellent at acting suprised when I hear the same story 4 million times

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I show youngsters how to put condoms on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I torture people and make them cry ...

Bank manager?

Worse....HMRC...."

No clearly a politician!

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By *xperimentalistMan
over a year ago

East Yorkshire

I help people produce phlegm and mucus

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"i guide people around

and help those unable to become able

Occupational therapist "

nope

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am the Mad Hatter at his un birthday party and work with a whole load of dozy doormice

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By *thwalescplCouple
over a year ago

brecon

I make sure you can do this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I make sure places are secure and get important people and things get to where they need to be over vast distances safely

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My job involves a lot of long words. Think

arthroscopy and meniscectomy, decompression, implant and trochanteric fracture. And waiting lists that we all know and love

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I inflict pain on people which makes them happy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I show youngsters how to put condoms on."

Lucky kids

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I mostly make old men very happy..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I make tiny toys go places.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I haul carcinogenic and diabetes causing foodstuffs from one architectural carbuncle to another.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I haul carcinogenic and diabetes causing foodstuffs from one architectural carbuncle to another. "

HGV driver

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By *olly_chromaticTV/TS
over a year ago

Stockport

I sit looking at a rectangle of glass all day, thinking hard, and occasionally making clattering noises on a piece of plastic in front of me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I inflict pain on people which makes them happy. "

tattooist

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I haul carcinogenic and diabetes causing foodstuffs from one architectural carbuncle to another.

HGV driver "

Obviously

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I sit looking at a rectangle of glass all day, thinking hard, and occasionally making clattering noises on a piece of plastic in front of me."

IT/computer related

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By *layful Couple For YouCouple
over a year ago

Lust

I’m made to bollock people about things neither I nor they care about

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You know how it goes, give a description of your occupation on the worst possible light

I suck peoples toes to make their feet more comfortable! "

I’m a fresh air mechanic

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just drive

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I creep about in the middle of the night leaving little gifts on peoples doorsteps

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By *abrielle247Couple (FF)
over a year ago

PDI Gran Canaria

Supervison of erections and maker of happy endings.

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By *eeBee67Man
over a year ago

Masked and Distant

I fix the unfixable, teach the uneducated, advise the incompetent, happily help those who ask, reluctantly help those who think they know better and report the results to the hierarchy

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By *carlettxWoman
over a year ago

Essex

I sell ice to Eskimo’s

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They run always on time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I fix the unfixable, teach the uneducated, advise the incompetent, happily help those who ask, reluctantly help those who think they know better and report the results to the hierarchy "

Job centre

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"They run always on time "

Starting gun operator

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I sell ice to Eskimo’s

Premium snap chat account

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I creep about in the middle of the night leaving little gifts on peoples doorsteps"

Cat

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just drive "

Ryan Gosling

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’m made to bollock people about things neither I nor they care about

Daily mail writer

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I sit looking at a rectangle of glass all day, thinking hard, and occasionally making clattering noises on a piece of plastic in front of me."

Window cleaner

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I mostly make old men very happy.."

Wife assassin

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I watch as they work. I’m the key worker

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By *axo25Man
over a year ago

lightwater

"I sell ice to Eskimo’s

Why would they need ice? Surely a waterbottle and a nice pair of gloves would be more useful?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 31/07/19 06:24:40]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I fix the unfixable, teach the uneducated, advise the incompetent, happily help those who ask, reluctantly help those who think they know better and report the results to the hierarchy

Job centre "

Social worker

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By *eeBee67Man
over a year ago

Masked and Distant

"I fix the unfixable, teach the uneducated, advise the incompetent, happily help those who ask, reluctantly help those who think they know better and report the results to the hierarchy

Job centre "

I seem to be the centre of everyone's job at work.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I babysit those of a higher financial and public standing than us mere mortals.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I remove dead stuff of off people

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We are all slaves

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We are all slaves"

What do you need master

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By *carlettxWoman
over a year ago

Essex

"I sell ice to Eskimo’s

Premium snap chat account "

Haha nooooo - interesting thought tho

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do the maths so police officers don't have to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I torture people and make them cry ...

Bank manager?"

Hahahahahahahaha not that mean!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I torture people and make them cry ...

Bank manager?

Worse....HMRC....

No clearly a politician! "

But I love my job

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Spy

Oh wait ... that just proves I'm bad at my occupation"

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By *rtemis-AkelaCouple
over a year ago

Wigan, Liverpool

I spend most of my day doing what others command of me. I spent alot of time bent over a desk.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I spend most of my day doing what others command of me. I spent alot of time bent over a desk."

I have a nail desk! Can you stand over that please?

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By *ove2Lick!Man
over a year ago

Banbury

I give free cars to undeserving people.

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By *eesideMan
over a year ago

margate sumwear by the sea

I make people go mmmmmmmm and oooooooo.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I make people go mmmmmmmm and oooooooo.

Fireworks technician

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I keep houses hot and cars moving

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I purvey dodgy snake oil to unsuspecting customers

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's like reversing a coach down a twisty read while hearding a flock of cats

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By *illy_the_tvTV/TS
over a year ago

hoorn, Netherlands

I make rooms different colours

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I babysit those of a higher financial and public standing than us mere mortals."

Close protection

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I make planes late

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By *iddlesticksMan
over a year ago

My nan’s spare room.

I add little value to the society that I supposedly add value too.

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By *assy69Man
over a year ago

West Sussex and Wales

"You know how it goes, give a description of your occupation on the worst possible light

I suck peoples toes to make their feet more comfortable! "

Death, Dementia and Despair

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By *oddyWoman
over a year ago

between havant and chichester

Lots of bells and wet wipes

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By *inkysexpotMan
over a year ago

leeds

Dig holes, cause traffic jams, close roads

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By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

Up to 60 men a day, some even arrive in 3’s, I boss them about and they leave empty and satisfied

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By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

"Up to 60 men a day, some even arrive in 3’s, I boss them about and they leave empty and satisfied

I think we all know where you're coming from there.

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By *rivateparts!Man
over a year ago

Walking down the only road I've ever known!

Get in a van drop some stuff off, take the van back and go home.

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By *unloversCouple
over a year ago

rotherham

I handle lots of meat every day

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I babysit those of a higher financial and public standing than us mere mortals.

Close protection"

That was too easy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Make an absolute mess,put stuff on where mess was and tidy up

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By *atcherwankerMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

The government brings me hundreds of confidential and closely guarded items every morning, then I give them all away.

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By *1654Man
over a year ago

Stirling

I stand all day making boring small talk usually with old men who continually tell me they prefer the female staff...

When put like this im not sure why i do my job

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Up to 60 men a day, some even arrive in 3’s, I boss them about and they leave empty and satisfied

What? You work at the sperm bank ??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I fill frogs with my muck, then after I while....I rub them up with my dinger

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By *pitfiremk10Man
over a year ago

Gloucester

"I torture people and make them cry ...

Bank manager?

Worse....HMRC....

No clearly a politician! "

A physiotherapist ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I roll so they rock.

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By *hekaiserMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

Rob the rich to feed the needy....or is it the other way round.....can never tell as the cash doesn't stay with me...at all

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By *arlymorningtrouserfumbleMan
over a year ago

Sheffield

I beat the living daylights out of nondiscript materials

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By *weet Treat 69Couple
over a year ago

North Wales area

I look after others some times could get up topless and down on my knees.

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By *airytaleOfNewPorkMan
over a year ago

Close By

I shoe people how its done.... Watch them doing it, then join in the next time we do it again... And then move into the next group that want to know how to do it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have a second job ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have a second job ..."

Helping to get threads to 175

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