FabSwingers.com forum: Divorce question

By *partharmony OP Couple
over a year ago

Ruislip

I (Luke) am going through a divorce. I have received a pile of papers from my wife's solicitor to start proceedings.

There is a selection of specific acceptable divorce grounds which have to be chosen from. She is proceeding on the grounds of my admitted adultery. The actual reason I broke up with her was because of her unreasonable behaviour which led to the breakdown of the marriage. The fact that I am in a relationship now (which is the adultery she is referring to) is a direct result of her intolerable behaviour.

Several years ago she said she wasn't going to have sex with me so I should get it somewhere else, so adultery seems an inappropriate reason.

My question is: Is there any benefit to pushing for unreasonable behaviour over adultery as a reason for divorce or is it purely academic?

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By *ed-monkeyCouple
over a year ago

Hailsham

Do you want out of the marriage? Or argue over the reason.

The reason doesn't matter, it had no bearing on the financial settlement, so personally ... let her have her little win.

You're happier and moving on, that's what matters

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

To be honest i dont think it makes a jot of difference. Someone on here was concerned that its on your public records somewhere but whose going to look at them. My ex husband divorced me because he started proceedings before me. I couldnt be bothered to try and change it the important thing for me was just getting divorced and ive been divorced 24 years and noone has ever once asked me the in and outs of my divorce

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been in the exact situation as yourself.. literally to the letter I may add ...

At the end of the day it's only going to be a piece of paper saying your reasons for divorce and you know the real truth.

Take it on the chin and let yourself move on.. it will also cost so much more if you start fighting it

Hope this helps

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

If you want a divorce then does it really matter what the reasons being filed against you are?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Do you want out of the marriage? Or argue over the reason.

The reason doesn't matter, it had no bearing on the financial settlement, so personally ... let her have her little win.

You're happier and moving on, that's what matters"

I have been divorced 3 times. The reason makes no difference, just tick box shit.

Let her think she's won this battle and get the divorce done. Arguing will only cost you more in the long run! Just get the financial settlement as a full and final to protect yourself in future.

If you have any other questions, drop me a line.

Ben x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My ex wife had an affair which ended the marriage but didn't want that to be the reason for the divorce on the papers.

I wanted it sorted so I agreed she could divorce me on grounds of unreasonable behaviour which I had to invent. The key thing is is you both want out what does it matter?

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By *adyA01Woman
over a year ago

Wellington

If it's over 6 months since you serrated, she can't claim adultery... My ex husband had to change his reason for divorcing me because it was over 6 months.

I don't know if the law has changed now but that is what it was when I got divorced..

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By *hezuMan
over a year ago

London

Wow so many helpful people here

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By *partharmony OP Couple
over a year ago

Ruislip

A response to a combination of messages here.

Yes, I want out of the marriage and I'm much happier now.

The question of whether it makes any difference to me is exactly the question I'm putting out there. I'm perfectly happy for that to sit on a piece of paper in a filing system if that's all it is. My understanding is there is no advantage getting the reason I would prefer but I wanted to see if anybody knew of anything I hadn't encountered or thought of. It seems everybody so far is unanimous that it makes no difference which is what I suspected.

Thank you all for your input.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A response to a combination of messages here.

Yes, I want out of the marriage and I'm much happier now.

Thank you all for your input."

No difference at all. It doesnt even say reason for divorce on the Decree Absolute.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Did you commit adultery or not?

Is the reason you committed adultery relevant?

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By *ed-monkeyCouple
over a year ago

Hailsham

Good luck Luke

Focus your effort on the financial settlement, make sure it's fair to both parties.

Waste no energy on worrying about theft minutiae of who did what

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you want a divorce then does it really matter what the reasons being filed against you are?"

This. I find it weird when people argue over the reasons for divorce. Just pick a box and tick it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Do you want out of the marriage? Or argue over the reason.

The reason doesn't matter, it had no bearing on the financial settlement, so personally ... let her have her little win.

You're happier and moving on, that's what matters

I have been divorced 3 times. The reason makes no difference, just tick box shit.

Let her think she's won this battle and get the divorce done. Arguing will only cost you more in the long run! Just get the financial settlement as a full and final to protect yourself in future.

If you have any other questions, drop me a line.

Ben x"

Good point about the battle.

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By *rwhowhatwherewhyMan
over a year ago

Aylesbury

Your mistake was getting married buddy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Did you commit adultery or not?

Is the reason you committed adultery relevant? "

Yes there needs to be a reason to start proceedings

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

STAND STILL!

1. Do you have children? Young children under 18 i.e. dependents ?

That is the first Q I want answered. It makes a HUGE difference to proceedings.

Sign nothing yet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If it's over 6 months since you serrated, she can't claim adultery... My ex husband had to change his reason for divorcing me because it was over 6 months.

I don't know if the law has changed now but that is what it was when I got divorced.. "

I put that on my divorce papers and it was 3 years later. It was accepted x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Take the route that is easiest. Why make things more difficult for yourself. Just get the process over and done with so you can move on and put the marriage behind you. X

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By *ed-monkeyCouple
over a year ago

Hailsham

"STAND STILL!

1. Do you have children? Young children under 18 i.e. dependents ?

That is the first Q I want answered. It makes a HUGE difference to proceedings.

Sign nothing yet. "

Fair point when it comes to custody and access

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"STAND STILL!

1. Do you have children? Young children under 18 i.e. dependents ?

That is the first Q I want answered. It makes a HUGE difference to proceedings.

Sign nothing yet. "

I have no kids, so have to admit I dont know what the implications of having them are.

Ben x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What a fantastic place to discuss such an important issue.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What a fantastic place to discuss such an important issue. "

Sometimes people need the reassurance that things will be ok, especially from others that have been through it

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By *partharmony OP Couple
over a year ago

Ruislip

"STAND STILL!

1. Do you have children? Young children under 18 i.e. dependents ?

That is the first Q I want answered. It makes a HUGE difference to proceedings.

Sign nothing yet. "

I have three children - 11, 9 and 2.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"What a fantastic place to discuss such an important issue. "

Glad you think so! There are so many knowledgeable and helpful people here. If you would like some help with tuning down your sarky button - i'm sure someone here knows how..

Fuck ..... Is my Irony Dr. in pls ???

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 30/07/19 12:11:26]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What a fantastic place to discuss such an important issue.

Glad you think so! There are so many knowledgeable and helpful people here. If you would like some help with tuning down your sarky button - i'm sure someone here knows how..

Fuck ..... Is my Irony Dr. in pls ??? "

Couldn't have said it better

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By *ed-monkeyCouple
over a year ago

Hailsham

"What a fantastic place to discuss such an important issue.

Glad you think so! There are so many knowledgeable and helpful people here. If you would like some help with tuning down your sarky button - i'm sure someone here knows how..

Fuck ..... Is my Irony Dr. in pls ??? "

You called Granny?

Don't worry, sometimes irony happens ... it comes and goes in waves and seldom leaves any lasting damage

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By *partharmony OP Couple
over a year ago

Ruislip

"If it's over 6 months since you serrated, she can't claim adultery... My ex husband had to change his reason for divorcing me because it was over 6 months.

I don't know if the law has changed now but that is what it was when I got divorced.. "

I don't think that works in my case according to a solicitor I consulted. I am still married and therefore my current relationship counts as adultery in the eyes of the law. I would have to hide that and I don't want to unless there is a benefit to doing so.

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By *ed-monkeyCouple
over a year ago

Hailsham

"What a fantastic place to discuss such an important issue. "

The exits can be found at the front, middle and back of the forum on either side

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By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

"I (Luke) am going through a divorce. I have received a pile of papers from my wife's solicitor to start proceedings.

Several years ago she said she wasn't going to have sex with me so I should get it somewhere else, so adultery seems an inappropriate reason.

My question is: Is there any benefit to pushing for unreasonable behaviour over adultery as a reason for divorce or is it purely academic?"

It can be academic unless you want to start a battle, my partners ex wife cited his golf as one of the reasons even tho she had an affair, it’s all just point scoring, best to get it over and done with and get on with your lives

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By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

"What a fantastic place to discuss such an important issue. "

You do realise there are people from all walks of life on here, I have seen great advice given to many people over the years, let’s hope you never need any eh

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"STAND STILL!

1. Do you have children? Young children under 18 i.e. dependents ?

That is the first Q I want answered. It makes a HUGE difference to proceedings.

Sign nothing yet.

I have three children - 11, 9 and 2."

Okay ....

If you didn't have children then you wouldn't need solicitors and you could have done the divorce between both of you if both of you split things fairly.

You still can divorce without paying a penny if you are both fair minded. If one of you is a twat tho .. or even both it's best to get access and financial responsibilities relating to the children sorted legally.

If it were me, having children would make me use a solicitor because only that way would I be able to have access legalised and not have the children used as weapons.

You did commit adultery - the law will not be bothered with WHY you did it. It will just stand that you committed adultery.

You say you left her because of unreasonable behaviour and that is grounds for leaving someone BUT it seems me that SHE is divorcing YOU.

If you allow the grounds of adultery to stand then you can get proceedings going ahead sooner than later, otherwise you are going to have to file your own petition on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour and solicitors LOVE taking a long time as the more you involve them the more they earn. So speed is of the essence.

The only caveat is that YOUR children will always believe that you left their mother and them for someone else. I won't go further than that cos you know your relationship with them I don't.

Read everything you can on the Gov site ( Elizabeth Courts )

Find out if you are entitled to financial assistance.

Things are sometimes easier if people having nothing to split !

Just keep the children in mind and don't fight over tables n dvd's xx

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"What a fantastic place to discuss such an important issue.

Glad you think so! There are so many knowledgeable and helpful people here. If you would like some help with tuning down your sarky button - i'm sure someone here knows how..

Fuck ..... Is my Irony Dr. in pls ???

You called Granny?

Don't worry, sometimes irony happens ... it comes and goes in waves and seldom leaves any lasting damage"

Thanks Doc. I think you may need to up my dosage tho......... x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Do you want out of the marriage? Or argue over the reason.

The reason doesn't matter, it had no bearing on the financial settlement, so personally ... let her have her little win.

You're happier and moving on, that's what matters"

I agree and anyway you just get your solicitor to say something along the lines of you agree for the divorce to proceed even though you don't accept the reason and will fight it if it's brought up at a future date.

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By *ed-monkeyCouple
over a year ago

Hailsham

"What a fantastic place to discuss such an important issue.

Glad you think so! There are so many knowledgeable and helpful people here. If you would like some help with tuning down your sarky button - i'm sure someone here knows how..

Fuck ..... Is my Irony Dr. in pls ???

You called Granny?

Don't worry, sometimes irony happens ... it comes and goes in waves and seldom leaves any lasting damage

Thanks Doc. I think you may need to up my dosage tho......... x "

How would you like it administered this time?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What a fantastic place to discuss such an important issue.

You do realise there are people from all walks of life on here, I have seen great advice given to many people over the years, let’s hope you never need any eh

Yup. Fab people are real people ( well, most of 'em) with shedloads of life experience between them.

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By * and R cple4Couple
over a year ago

swansea

"What a fantastic place to discuss such an important issue.

You do realise there are people from all walks of life on here, I have seen great advice given to many people over the years, let’s hope you never need any eh

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By *antra MassageMan
over a year ago

South Side.

Adultery is the legal definition of consorting with another woman, while still legally married to your Missus. So, it's true, even though she had no interest in you. I understand its irksome, but as the process is underway, to try to arrange a meeting with her and her solicitor, etc, will take time. Best to just sign the forms and let her off on her merry way.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"What a fantastic place to discuss such an important issue.

Glad you think so! There are so many knowledgeable and helpful people here. If you would like some help with tuning down your sarky button - i'm sure someone here knows how..

Fuck ..... Is my Irony Dr. in pls ???

You called Granny?

Don't worry, sometimes irony happens ... it comes and goes in waves and seldom leaves any lasting damage

Thanks Doc. I think you may need to up my dosage tho......... x

How would you like it administered this time?"

Uhmmmmmm just in a very large brandy this time thanks. None of that tube up the bum stuff.

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By *ed-monkeyCouple
over a year ago

Hailsham

"What a fantastic place to discuss such an important issue.

Glad you think so! There are so many knowledgeable and helpful people here. If you would like some help with tuning down your sarky button - i'm sure someone here knows how..

Fuck ..... Is my Irony Dr. in pls ???

You called Granny?

Don't worry, sometimes irony happens ... it comes and goes in waves and seldom leaves any lasting damage

Thanks Doc. I think you may need to up my dosage tho......... x

How would you like it administered this time?

Uhmmmmmm just in a very large brandy this time thanks. None of that tube up the bum stuff. "

Ah .. orally ... good choice

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By *adyA01Woman
over a year ago

Wellington

"If it's over 6 months since you serrated, she can't claim adultery... My ex husband had to change his reason for divorcing me because it was over 6 months.

I don't know if the law has changed now but that is what it was when I got divorced..

When my ex husband started proceedings he was in another relationship. Therefore he was also committing adultery, however my solicitor was adamant as it was over 6 months since we had separated he couldn't use adultery... My divorce was finalized in 2016. I would double check the timing issue with your solicitor if it is over 6 months since you separated...

My husband had to change his reasons to unreasonable behaviour...

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