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Wooohuuuummm 
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"Damn that fuckjng autocarrot too and not proof reading. Toesies.... I'll keep you on your toesies
Wooohuuuummm
"Fuckjng and autocarrot  | |||
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"Damn that fuckjng autocarrot too and not proof reading. Toesies.... I'll keep you on your toesies
Wooohuuuummm
Fuckjng and autocarrot "I'm rolling with it, styling it out  | |||
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"Auntie P, I have a dilemma. I am being fitted for a new suit, and like most men I will no doubt be asked to choose whether to dress to the left or right. How do I increase my penis size to give me the option of trying either?" You look at a sexy wexy before you go in so the blood is already filling the beast from below. OR you could get a prince Albert piercing, tie a piece of string from the hoop to your ankle and stretch your schlong. | |||
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"Auntie P I'm fucking roasting , tired , and irritable. Can you please fan me whilst naked and feeding me Pina Colada with a straw ?? Please ." What did your last slave die of? Get in a baking tray and add some veg. Roasted vegetables are delicious | |||
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"Auntie P, I have a dilemma. I am being fitted for a new suit, and like most men I will no doubt be asked to choose whether to dress to the left or right. How do I increase my penis size to give me the option of trying either? You look at a sexy wexy before you go in so the blood is already filling the beast from below. OR you could get a prince Albert piercing, tie a piece of string from the hoop to your ankle and stretch your schlong." I'll take option A | |||
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"Auntie p I need an ice cream. That is all." It will be melted by the time it reaches your lips. Get an ice pole instead. Will last 20 seconds longer | |||
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"Auntie P I'm fucking roasting , tired , and irritable. Can you please fan me whilst naked and feeding me Pina Colada with a straw ?? Please . What did your last slave die of? Get in a baking tray and add some veg. Roasted vegetables are delicious " Worth a try  | |||
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"Auntie p I need an ice cream. That is all. It will be melted by the time it reaches your lips. Get an ice pole instead. Will last 20 seconds longer " You mean a freeze pop? I’ll have a bubble gum blue one please... Good call, how long before you get here? | |||
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"Auntie P. It's hot and I am meant to be drinking in a few hours. What do I wear so I don't end up like a beached whale? " A big set of teeth so you pass for a shark instead? | |||
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"Auntie P. It's hot and I am meant to be drinking in a few hours. What do I wear so I don't end up like a beached whale? A big set of teeth so you pass for a shark instead? "  That's amazing! | |||
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"Auntie p I need an ice cream. That is all. It will be melted by the time it reaches your lips. Get an ice pole instead. Will last 20 seconds longer You mean a freeze pop? I’ll have a bubble gum blue one please... Good call, how long before you get here?" Ice pole. Freeze pop. Tip top. Call it what you want but frozen flavour is frozen flavour. Four score and twenty years. Quicker if you come here | |||
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"Auntie P I have a woesie I'm trying to work out if the PM game has finally run its natural course and died a death or whether everyone is waiting for someone else to start the next one #FOMO" I've not been on for a while so I'm saying it's run it's course. It will return when new forum pervs grace us with their presence and we want to get inside their heads. Twas a mighty good idea | |||
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"Auntie P. I want to gloat to someone horrible, but I don't want to give them a way of contacting me. The struggle is real. Please help. " Ahhhh the gloat. You remove the L and send a goat-a-gram with your message of rubby-their-nose-in-it | |||
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"Auntie P. I want to gloat to someone horrible, but I don't want to give them a way of contacting me. The struggle is real. Please help. Ahhhh the gloat. You remove the L and send a goat-a-gram with your message of rubby-their-nose-in-it " | |||
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"Auntie P. I want to gloat to someone horrible, but I don't want to give them a way of contacting me. The struggle is real. Please help. Ahhhh the gloat. You remove the L and send a goat-a-gram with your message of rubby-their-nose-in-it "I might just go and nick someones goat. This is a fucking winner. For hire: Goat-a-gram, delivering the salt to rub into their wounds and make their heart skip a bleat. Contact Gosforth Lucifer Oat. | |||
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"Auntie P. I want to gloat to someone horrible, but I don't want to give them a way of contacting me. The struggle is real. Please help. Ahhhh the gloat. You remove the L and send a goat-a-gram with your message of rubby-their-nose-in-it
I might just go and nick someones goat. This is a fucking winner.
For hire:
Goat-a-gram, delivering the salt to rub into their wounds and make their heart skip a bleat.
Contact Gosforth Lucifer Oat.
"I love you | |||
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"Auntie P. Wtf is this elusive guy I’m looking for? Where should I look for him?" Hi
Hello
How you doing? | |||
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"Auntie P. Wtf is this elusive guy I’m looking for? Where should I look for him?" Auntie P, point her here.... https://m.fabswingers.com/profile/fever_tree | |||
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"Auntie P. Wtf is this elusive guy I’m looking for? Where should I look for him?" Norfolk obviously | |||
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"Auntie P, Mention of keeping you on your toesies worries me as I know they've been troubling you, please make sure you look after them, and don't keep on them too much. Oh and I have no woesies currently- everything is just bee-u-ti-ful currently. I did nearly have a woopsie earlier but a quick cross-legged run and the penny was spent safely. All My Love Auntie P GM P.S. Thank you for the Wilkos gift card you sent me for my birthday - I used it to buy some drain cleaner and a jumbo pack of Brillo pads" I'm unsure how to respond to such beauty. I was guilted into sending the gift card. Twas I that blocked the drain  | |||
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"Auntie P. Wtf is this elusive guy I’m looking for? Where should I look for him?" Normally when people can't find something I just that it's in my bum. Now, unless your guy is a weeble he definitely ain't in my rectum. First rule: you don't look. You'll happen to cross each others paths when the time is right. Or you could try getting a job in a bank and seeing who makes the most money and snare that mofo. | |||
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"Auntie P. Wtf is this elusive guy I’m looking for? Where should I look for him? Hi
Hello
How you doing? "Joey? | |||
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"Auntie P. Wtf is this elusive guy I’m looking for? Where should I look for him? Hi
Hello
How you doing?
Joey? "Joey don't share ... which is a problem on a site like this | |||
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"Auntie P. Wtf is this elusive guy I’m looking for? Where should I look for him? Hi
Hello
How you doing?
Joey?
Joey don't share ... which is a problem on a site like this"Fuck, neither do a lot of the single women who pretend they'll have no problem sharing when in fact they wouldn't share a share bag of maltesers. It's no new phenomenon, just behind the scenes bullshit that *doesn't exist* coz it might make them look bad and ruin their image. Let me be your fantasyyyyyyyy | |||
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"Auntie P. Wtf is this elusive guy I’m looking for? Where should I look for him? Hi
Hello
How you doing?
Joey?
Joey don't share ... which is a problem on a site like this
Fuck, neither do a lot of the single women who pretend they'll have no problem sharing when in fact they wouldn't share a share bag of maltesers. It's no new phenomenon, just behind the scenes bullshit that *doesn't exist* coz it might make them look bad and ruin their image.
Let me be your fantasyyyyyyyy "Have a lolly | |||
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"Auntie P. Wtf is this elusive guy I’m looking for? Where should I look for him? Hi
Hello
How you doing?
Joey?
Joey don't share ... which is a problem on a site like this
Fuck, neither do a lot of the single women who pretend they'll have no problem sharing when in fact they wouldn't share a share bag of maltesers. It's no new phenomenon, just behind the scenes bullshit that *doesn't exist* coz it might make them look bad and ruin their image.
Let me be your fantasyyyyyyyy
Have a lolly"My boy lollipop? | |||
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"Auntie P. Wtf is this elusive guy I’m looking for? Where should I look for him? Hi
Hello
How you doing?
Joey?
Joey don't share ... which is a problem on a site like this
Fuck, neither do a lot of the single women who pretend they'll have no problem sharing when in fact they wouldn't share a share bag of maltesers. It's no new phenomenon, just behind the scenes bullshit that *doesn't exist* coz it might make them look bad and ruin their image.
Let me be your fantasyyyyyyyy "Women .. sharing chocolate ... now come on ... how far fetched do you wanna make this? If you're my fantasy .. what would I be (asking for a friend) | |||
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"Auntie P. Wtf is this elusive guy I’m looking for? Where should I look for him? Hi
Hello
How you doing?
Joey?
Joey don't share ... which is a problem on a site like this
Fuck, neither do a lot of the single women who pretend they'll have no problem sharing when in fact they wouldn't share a share bag of maltesers. It's no new phenomenon, just behind the scenes bullshit that *doesn't exist* coz it might make them look bad and ruin their image.
Let me be your fantasyyyyyyyy
Have a lolly
My boy lollipop?"I always wondered about that song. Is it about blowjobs? | |||
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"Auntie P. Wtf is this elusive guy I’m looking for? Where should I look for him? Hi
Hello
How you doing?
Joey?
Joey don't share ... which is a problem on a site like this
Fuck, neither do a lot of the single women who pretend they'll have no problem sharing when in fact they wouldn't share a share bag of maltesers. It's no new phenomenon, just behind the scenes bullshit that *doesn't exist* coz it might make them look bad and ruin their image.
Let me be your fantasyyyyyyyy
Have a lolly
My boy lollipop?
I always wondered about that song. Is it about blowjobs? "They don’t teach you much in Sunderland do they? | |||
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"Auntie P. Wtf is this elusive guy I’m looking for? Where should I look for him? Hi
Hello
How you doing?
Joey?
Joey don't share ... which is a problem on a site like this"Monkey is a Joey? | |||
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"Auntie P. Wtf is this elusive guy I’m looking for? Where should I look for him? Hi
Hello
How you doing?
Joey?
Joey don't share ... which is a problem on a site like this
Monkey is a Joey? "Joey ... baby kangaroo ... so .. Monkeyroo ... one seriously fucked up creature ... which fits perfectly | |||
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"Auntie P. Wtf is this elusive guy I’m looking for? Where should I look for him? Hi
Hello
How you doing?
Joey?
Joey don't share ... which is a problem on a site like this
Fuck, neither do a lot of the single women who pretend they'll have no problem sharing when in fact they wouldn't share a share bag of maltesers. It's no new phenomenon, just behind the scenes bullshit that *doesn't exist* coz it might make them look bad and ruin their image.
Let me be your fantasyyyyyyyy
Women .. sharing chocolate ... now come on ... how far fetched do you wanna make this?
If you're my fantasy .. what would I be (asking for a friend)"A creepy little leprechaun that when I kick it in the head it turns into a wonderful couple. They have a dirty mind, a shit load of respect, they know how to party but at the same time show understanding that I ain't quite right in the noggin sometimes but they don't mind coz I own my crazy instead of hiding it. Or a copy if stig of the dump. I ain't read that for years. | |||
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"Auntie P. Wtf is this elusive guy I’m looking for? Where should I look for him? Hi
Hello
How you doing?
Joey?
Joey don't share ... which is a problem on a site like this
Monkey is a Joey?
Joey ... baby kangaroo ... so .. Monkeyroo ... one seriously fucked up creature ... which fits perfectly "Awww. That’s cute. | |||
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"Auntie P. Wtf is this elusive guy I’m looking for? Where should I look for him? Hi
Hello
How you doing?
Joey?
Joey don't share ... which is a problem on a site like this
Fuck, neither do a lot of the single women who pretend they'll have no problem sharing when in fact they wouldn't share a share bag of maltesers. It's no new phenomenon, just behind the scenes bullshit that *doesn't exist* coz it might make them look bad and ruin their image.
Let me be your fantasyyyyyyyy
Have a lolly
My boy lollipop?
I always wondered about that song. Is it about blowjobs? "He just had a cruel mum who named him after her favourite sweet | |||
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"Auntie P. Wtf is this elusive guy I’m looking for? Where should I look for him? Hi
Hello
How you doing?
Joey?
Joey don't share ... which is a problem on a site like this
Fuck, neither do a lot of the single women who pretend they'll have no problem sharing when in fact they wouldn't share a share bag of maltesers. It's no new phenomenon, just behind the scenes bullshit that *doesn't exist* coz it might make them look bad and ruin their image.
Let me be your fantasyyyyyyyy
Have a lolly
My boy lollipop?
I always wondered about that song. Is it about blowjobs?
They don’t teach you much in Sunderland do they?"Haha. Jokes on you, as you were replying on here your potential future lover just walked past you.... nehhh, it could have been beautiful, your fanny wouldn’t have fluttered it would have taken flight. Now you are grounded and awaiting CAA inspection | |||
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"Auntie P. Wtf is this elusive guy I’m looking for? Where should I look for him? Hi
Hello
How you doing?
Joey?
Joey don't share ... which is a problem on a site like this
Monkey is a Joey?
Joey ... baby kangaroo ... so .. Monkeyroo ... one seriously fucked up creature ... which fits perfectly
Awww. That’s cute."You're talking about wuzzles. Don't fuck with wuzzles man. I loved them all. Rhinokey, butterbear, Elleroo..... oh the memories | |||
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"Auntie P. Wtf is this elusive guy I’m looking for? Where should I look for him? Hi
Hello
How you doing?
Joey?
Joey don't share ... which is a problem on a site like this
Fuck, neither do a lot of the single women who pretend they'll have no problem sharing when in fact they wouldn't share a share bag of maltesers. It's no new phenomenon, just behind the scenes bullshit that *doesn't exist* coz it might make them look bad and ruin their image.
Let me be your fantasyyyyyyyy
Women .. sharing chocolate ... now come on ... how far fetched do you wanna make this?
If you're my fantasy .. what would I be (asking for a friend)
A creepy little leprechaun that when I kick it in the head it turns into a wonderful couple. They have a dirty mind, a shit load of respect, they know how to party but at the same time show understanding that I ain't quite right in the noggin sometimes but they don't mind coz I own my crazy instead of hiding it.
Or a copy if stig of the dump. I ain't read that for years."7 times I started writing that and got waylayed coz I sat in a wet patch on my "sun lounger" I didn't even remember the question by the time I finished but was too pig headed to look | |||
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"Auntie P. Wtf is this elusive guy I’m looking for? Where should I look for him? Hi
Hello
How you doing?
Joey?
Joey don't share ... which is a problem on a site like this
Fuck, neither do a lot of the single women who pretend they'll have no problem sharing when in fact they wouldn't share a share bag of maltesers. It's no new phenomenon, just behind the scenes bullshit that *doesn't exist* coz it might make them look bad and ruin their image.
Let me be your fantasyyyyyyyy
Women .. sharing chocolate ... now come on ... how far fetched do you wanna make this?
If you're my fantasy .. what would I be (asking for a friend)
A creepy little leprechaun that when I kick it in the head it turns into a wonderful couple. They have a dirty mind, a shit load of respect, they know how to party but at the same time show understanding that I ain't quite right in the noggin sometimes but they don't mind coz I own my crazy instead of hiding it.
Or a copy if stig of the dump. I ain't read that for years.
7 times I started writing that and got waylayed coz I sat in a wet patch on my "sun lounger"
I didn't even remember the question by the time I finished but was too pig headed to look "Slightly freaked me out ... and yet piqued my interest ... not only fucked up ... but a complex creature is the monkeyroo | |||
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"Auntie P. Wtf is this elusive guy I’m looking for? Where should I look for him? Hi
Hello
How you doing?
Joey?
Joey don't share ... which is a problem on a site like this
Fuck, neither do a lot of the single women who pretend they'll have no problem sharing when in fact they wouldn't share a share bag of maltesers. It's no new phenomenon, just behind the scenes bullshit that *doesn't exist* coz it might make them look bad and ruin their image.
Let me be your fantasyyyyyyyy
Women .. sharing chocolate ... now come on ... how far fetched do you wanna make this?
If you're my fantasy .. what would I be (asking for a friend)
A creepy little leprechaun that when I kick it in the head it turns into a wonderful couple. They have a dirty mind, a shit load of respect, they know how to party but at the same time show understanding that I ain't quite right in the noggin sometimes but they don't mind coz I own my crazy instead of hiding it.
Or a copy if stig of the dump. I ain't read that for years.
7 times I started writing that and got waylayed coz I sat in a wet patch on my "sun lounger"
I didn't even remember the question by the time I finished but was too pig headed to look
Slightly freaked me out ... and yet piqued my interest ... not only fucked up ... but a complex creature is the monkeyroo"Complexity ain't boring that's a certainty! | |||
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"Auntie P. Wtf is this elusive guy I’m looking for? Where should I look for him? Hi
Hello
How you doing?
Joey?
Joey don't share ... which is a problem on a site like this
Fuck, neither do a lot of the single women who pretend they'll have no problem sharing when in fact they wouldn't share a share bag of maltesers. It's no new phenomenon, just behind the scenes bullshit that *doesn't exist* coz it might make them look bad and ruin their image.
Let me be your fantasyyyyyyyy
Women .. sharing chocolate ... now come on ... how far fetched do you wanna make this?
If you're my fantasy .. what would I be (asking for a friend)
A creepy little leprechaun that when I kick it in the head it turns into a wonderful couple. They have a dirty mind, a shit load of respect, they know how to party but at the same time show understanding that I ain't quite right in the noggin sometimes but they don't mind coz I own my crazy instead of hiding it.
Or a copy if stig of the dump. I ain't read that for years.
7 times I started writing that and got waylayed coz I sat in a wet patch on my "sun lounger"
I didn't even remember the question by the time I finished but was too pig headed to look
Slightly freaked me out ... and yet piqued my interest ... not only fucked up ... but a complex creature is the monkeyroo
Complexity ain't boring that's a certainty! "Never a dull moment in our house | |||
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"Dear aunty P I've been thinking......... No good can come of this. "Quit that shit right now and go dance naked in the zoo as your punishment | |||
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"Auntie P, I’ve got some free time next month and I’d like to make the most of it and meet some delightful Fabbers. The trouble is that there are so many women who want to play hide the sausage, I don’t know which ones to focus my attention on. What should I do?" Bin 'em all and just shag me My cunt'll be sewn up by then, so it'll be nice and tight | |||
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"Auntie P, I’ve got some free time next month and I’d like to make the most of it and meet some delightful Fabbers. The trouble is that there are so many women who want to play hide the sausage, I don’t know which ones to focus my attention on. What should I do?" Join the circus, far less drama | |||
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"Dear aunty P I've been thinking......... No good can come of this.
Quit that shit right now and go dance naked in the zoo as your punishment "The poor animals don't deserve that...... | |||
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"Dear aunty P I've been thinking......... No good can come of this.
Quit that shit right now and go dance naked in the zoo as your punishment
The poor animals don't deserve that...... "You're right, I over reacted due to having a damp arse. Cool flannel to the brow and a mound of apple crumble with ice cream is the answer. Following that, ride through Coventry wearing nothing but a wig claiming "I'm Lady Godiva, 123, I'm Lady Godiva and you can't catch me" | |||
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"Dear Aunty P. My boss keeps telling me what to do. He insists i come in when he says, then tells me what to do and when doesn't need me , he chases me. Fed up with it. Should i hit him with my big book of Bill Hicks quotes ( verbally of course ) or not?" Come to mine and get all the insecty-bugs to release on him in his office (and lock the door) | |||
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"Dear Aunty P. With all this hot weather and seeing all the lovely ladies walking around showing a lot more skin I'm having trouble sleeping, I keep waking up felling all hot and sticky, Do you think I'm sleep wanking ?" No, I think the bugs and insects are spaffing over you in the dark. Sly little cunts. | |||
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"Dear Aunty P..... I have stuff and some more stuff and enough cupboards for stuff but not enough space for more cupboards for all my stuff...... Space or cupboards P .....??? Space or cupboards ?" A Crump shed. Like a man shed but stuffier and cupboardier | |||
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"Dear Aunty P. My boss keeps telling me what to do. He insists i come in when he says, then tells me what to do and when doesn't need me , he chases me. Fed up with it. Should i hit him with my big book of Bill Hicks quotes ( verbally of course ) or not? Come to mine and get all the insecty-bugs to release on him in his office (and lock the door)" That sounds perfect. I can see him flapping right now. He'll look like the Alien fella from Men in Black | |||
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"Aunty P I’ve been at the beach all day and I’m very tired. I’ve had a shower and I now need someone to put some aftersun on my back. Could you send someone over? Male or female will be fine "I'll send the goat  | |||
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"Aunty P. I need help please. I have a sore bum. Any advise would be helpful "Sudocrem or preparation H  | |||
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"Is this a serious thread as i have a serious question?  "It can be if you need it to be. | |||
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"Can I legally make my neighbors go away permanently " Maaaaaaybe Alien abduction, we never heard a thing | |||
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"Is this a serious thread as i have a serious question?
It can be if you need it to be. "How do i stop being so jealous of woman talking and flirting with D?(my partner). He's totally fine with men and women flirting with me. Please help. We've been doing it for nearly 3 years now and i just want to not feel jealous. It doesn't cause drama by the way ha | |||
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"dear auntie p,,,can I sit on your face
ps,,I douche "If you insist  | |||
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"Is this a serious thread as i have a serious question?
It can be if you need it to be.
How do i stop being so jealous of woman talking and flirting with D?(my partner). He's totally fine with men and women flirting with me. Please help.
We've been doing it for nearly 3 years now and i just want to not feel jealous. It doesn't cause drama by the way ha "Honestly.... Probably some internal work and lots of communication Jealousy covers a huge spectrum of other feelings and whe you break the jealousy down you may find the real answers. I thought for a while that I was jealous, turns out I'm not. When I broke pieces apart and did some digging it turns out I have trust issues. Now, here's the weird bit, I don't have trust issues with B, I trust him with my life, but the bit I struggle with is trusting other people, trusting their intentions and agendas. I don't trust people not to do things that will cause me pain. Now, I can trace this back to a person that was supposed to love me, in fact 2 people actually, the first was my mother. Nothing I could do was ever good enough for her, I always felt I was a disappointment and a let down. Second one ... and this is the big one. My ex. I went through years of abuse, mainly mental, sometimes physical. He admitted in the end that he wanted to make my life so unbearable that I either killed myself or kicked him out so he could continue to play the victim. That shit fucks you up. Now I know full well B isn't my ex. I know full well a couple we may meet aren't planning to get me to top myself. What it has done though is make me very very wary and protective over something I love dearly. It has shown me how easily trust and love can be abused and used against you. Take a look online, read about jealousy and how it's broken down into different segments and you may very well have a moment of "bingo!" From there you can talk openly, and work together on building the foundations to tackle it together. Hope that helps. X | |||
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"dear auntie p,,,i keep buying stripy dresses,,the latest one is black n white,,do you think I may be a zebra wanna be?" No, I think you're doing it to tease your friend who loves dresses. Bad friend. | |||
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"Aunty P Please help. I’ve been trying to have a wank using my left hand but I just can’t seem to get a good purchase on it and I’m always loosing grip Please help " Marigolds or gorilla glue You can thank me later | |||
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"Auntie P Please could you turn the heat down a little "I'll turn the heat down if you turn the bugs down | |||
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