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Taking Responsibility

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

It amuses me the amount of people around here who blame others for their experiences, woman are rude for not replying, couples are stuck up for having set rules, people get over looked because there's a clique. They rant and rave about others without looking at their own behaviour to see if what they are doing could cause the things they blame on others.

It just got me thinking about day to day life and how many of us are self reflective?

What's your go to response when disgruntled? Do you automatically blame others or are you able to step back and look at your own involvement?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I treat privately people as they treat me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm the opposite, my initial reaction is to always blame myself first.

I'm glad you brought this up though! I've been thinking the same!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It wasnt me

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

I blame other people for my charm and attractiveness! It's just not fair and it's all your fault.

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

I can honestly say that 95% of fuck ups in my life have been from my own stupidity, so no x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I can honestly say that 95% of fuck ups in my life have been from my own stupidity, so no x"

The 5% it was your boss?

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I take a deep breath and disengage. I might rant to a friend. If it's a situation that might repeat itself, I'll think about what I might do differently next time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes i say oops oh well unless i really care then i brood

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everyone has their own story which we can't see the side of. Generally I don't take too much to heart on here, I'm not going to get angry if people don't reply or delete my messages. Does annoy me that some feel the need to soapbox and rant and rave because someone ignored them..

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By *aven RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

I'm good at self reflecting. If something happens more than once then I understand that I need to change something. I like to think that I'm a good person and I treat others how I'm treated x

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

When I'm rejected here or elsewhere, yes it hurts, but I swallow the reaction and deal with it in private.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sometimes it *is* other people's fault.

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

Always have to look at yourself first !

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.

I think the desire to shift culpability is understandable, examining and accepting your particular role in something is difficult. It doesn't make it not irksome but yes. I get it kind of. Also, sometimes it is actually others, not you, at fault.

In terms of self reflection I'm quick to see my fault in something and apologise if necessary.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"I think the desire to shift culpability is understandable, examining and accepting your particular role in something is difficult. It doesn't make it not irksome but yes. I get it kind of. Also, sometimes it is actually others, not you, at fault.

In terms of self reflection I'm quick to see my fault in something and apologise if necessary. "

I think we all want to shift culpability if we can. But it's a sign of maturity, I think, to step back from the temptation to lash out.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Sometimes it *is* other people's fault."

Yep, it is.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Sometimes it *is* other people's fault."

That's true but does that not then go along with how we let people treat us? Could self reflection maybe stop things happening again in future in that case?

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By *urls and DressesWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere near here

I’m very self reflective, a result of my careers I guess. I’m quite self aware and don’t always blame others. Sometime I do but understand their reaction could be of past experiences.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sometimes it *is* other people's fault."

yea

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"Sometimes it *is* other people's fault.

That's true but does that not then go along with how we let people treat us? Could self reflection maybe stop things happening again in future in that case? "

Sometimes, sometimes not. Hard to tell when, and sometimes you've got to let go and say, no, they're just a prick. Or whatever.

(I'm such a hypocrite)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think the desire to shift culpability is understandable, examining and accepting your particular role in something is difficult. It doesn't make it not irksome but yes. I get it kind of. Also, sometimes it is actually others, not you, at fault.

In terms of self reflection I'm quick to see my fault in something and apologise if necessary. "

I agree with this, I'm very similar.

I do get annoyed and irritated with people who refuse to recognise their part and failings in situations though. I think a large part in learning and growing is understanding how and where *you* went wrong.

Tea

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Sometimes it *is* other people's fault.

That's true but does that not then go along with how we let people treat us? Could self reflection maybe stop things happening again in future in that case?

Sometimes, sometimes not. Hard to tell when, and sometimes you've got to let go and say, no, they're just a prick. Or whatever.

(I'm such a hypocrite) "

No I'd agree. Sometimes it is just them, nothing you do would affect the outcome.

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By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago

Chippenham Malmesbury area

I don't do blame; cause is the real issue - what caused it and, if I really want a resolution then I'll consider the contributing factors from every aspect, this includes evaluating myself and my behaviours.

But, normally it's just a case of a deep breath, relax and let it go.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I used to assume I was always the one in the wrong tbh. That's been a hard habit to break.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im so often first to blame myself before ive even started to think about whos fault it is... but my pattern of logical analysis goes a little like this...

What happend? What did i do to gain that reaction? How can i avoid that reaction in future? did i word what i was trying to get across in the correct way to begin with... was it interpreted correctly?

If thats all positive they are a see you next Tuesday.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sometimes it *is* other people's fault.

That's true but does that not then go along with how we let people treat us? Could self reflection maybe stop things happening again in future in that case? "

Sometimes people are nasty just because they are. It's not necessarily that we let them.

Yes I agree self reflection could change the way we react. Or get ourselves out of the situation. Or just not let their nastiness affect us.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It amuses me the amount of people around here who blame others for their experiences, woman are rude for not replying, couples are stuck up for having set rules, people get over looked because there's a clique. They rant and rave about others without looking at their own behaviour to see if what they are doing could cause the things they blame on others.

It just got me thinking about day to day life and how many of us are self reflective?

What's your go to response when disgruntled? Do you automatically blame others or are you able to step back and look at your own involvement? "

Good question Rubi

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think I'm very good at taking a step back and assessing the situation to see what has gone wrong and who's done what. I'm happy to take responsibility if it's my fault but it's never usually me anyway and I never automatically blame others without reason

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We had one whose status said ‘Is anyone on here genuine’ or words to that effect. First message was basically ‘wanna fuck’. Way to get a reply stud

I think this place is what you make it for yourself.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think I'm very good at taking a step back and assessing the situation to see what has gone wrong and who's done what. I'm happy to take responsibility if it's my fault but it's never usually me anyway and I never automatically blame others without reason "

Sometimes it's Melanie's fault isn't it?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"It amuses me the amount of people around here who blame others for their experiences, woman are rude for not replying, couples are stuck up for having set rules, people get over looked because there's a clique. They rant and rave about others without looking at their own behaviour to see if what they are doing could cause the things they blame on others.

It just got me thinking about day to day life and how many of us are self reflective?

What's your go to response when disgruntled? Do you automatically blame others or are you able to step back and look at your own involvement?

Good question Rubi "

Answer it then!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think there's a lack of self awareness amongst many people on here.

I can be forgiving of it in younger people, but I'm quite intolerant of it in people of a similar age to me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I used to assume I was always the one at fault, learned behaviour from childhood.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A very good question Rubi.

I do think that it takes a degree of strength and character to hold your hands up and accept your fuck up, then to learn from it and move on. I can understand why someone would try and cover their back in a broader life situation, maybe, but in a specific fab sense, I think an understanding and awareness of your part and role in situations is essential.

Tea

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A very good question Rubi.

I do think that it takes a degree of strength and character to hold your hands up and accept your fuck up, then to learn from it and move on. I can understand why someone would try and cover their back in a broader life situation, maybe, but in a specific fab sense, I think an understanding and awareness of your part and role in situations is essential.

Tea"

There is a balance though. I'm sure there are many people who, like I used to be, are so afraid of confrontation and being disapproval that they will always place themselves in the 'at fault' position. It takes a huge amount of courage and self-reflection to break that habit and say, "actually, no. That wasn't my doing this time", and place the responsibility where it should lie.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A very good question Rubi.

I do think that it takes a degree of strength and character to hold your hands up and accept your fuck up, then to learn from it and move on. I can understand why someone would try and cover their back in a broader life situation, maybe, but in a specific fab sense, I think an understanding and awareness of your part and role in situations is essential.

Tea

There is a balance though. I'm sure there are many people who, like I used to be, are so afraid of confrontation and being disapproval that they will always place themselves in the 'at fault' position. It takes a huge amount of courage and self-reflection to break that habit and say, "actually, no. That wasn't my doing this time", and place the responsibility where it should lie. "

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By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

It was like that when I found it!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A very good question Rubi.

I do think that it takes a degree of strength and character to hold your hands up and accept your fuck up, then to learn from it and move on. I can understand why someone would try and cover their back in a broader life situation, maybe, but in a specific fab sense, I think an understanding and awareness of your part and role in situations is essential.

Tea

There is a balance though. I'm sure there are many people who, like I used to be, are so afraid of confrontation and being disapproval that they will always place themselves in the 'at fault' position. It takes a huge amount of courage and self-reflection to break that habit and say, "actually, no. That wasn't my doing this time", and place the responsibility where it should lie. "

I agree, I also think that some people expect that reaction from others to cover their own failings.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A very good question Rubi.

I do think that it takes a degree of strength and character to hold your hands up and accept your fuck up, then to learn from it and move on. I can understand why someone would try and cover their back in a broader life situation, maybe, but in a specific fab sense, I think an understanding and awareness of your part and role in situations is essential.

Tea

There is a balance though. I'm sure there are many people who, like I used to be, are so afraid of confrontation and being disapproval that they will always place themselves in the 'at fault' position. It takes a huge amount of courage and self-reflection to break that habit and say, "actually, no. That wasn't my doing this time", and place the responsibility where it should lie.

I agree, I also think that some people expect that reaction from others to cover their own failings. "

Yes, my mother!

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

Some people think Fab and the world in general are against them.

Some people are a bit more self aware.

I think it comes down to knowing yourself and being honest with yourself about yourself.

Some people are scared to look inward, so project all their angst outward.

Having a couple of family members who are that way has made me more self aware.

Going through life blaming everyone else is a miserable way to live.

We all have choices about how we behave, and how we choose to react to other peoples behaviour.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"A very good question Rubi.

I do think that it takes a degree of strength and character to hold your hands up and accept your fuck up, then to learn from it and move on. I can understand why someone would try and cover their back in a broader life situation, maybe, but in a specific fab sense, I think an understanding and awareness of your part and role in situations is essential.

Tea

There is a balance though. I'm sure there are many people who, like I used to be, are so afraid of confrontation and being disapproval that they will always place themselves in the 'at fault' position. It takes a huge amount of courage and self-reflection to break that habit and say, "actually, no. That wasn't my doing this time", and place the responsibility where it should lie. "

That's true too, sometimes we can be too self critical and it flips the other way.

I guess it's about looking at all involved and trying to work out the reasons why things happened. Often blame lies at more than one person's door.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am reflective. I look at what has happened and try to see it through the eyes of others involved as well as mine. If I was wrong, I apologise. If the other was wrong, I let them know, with reasons IF they deserve to hear them. If there’s uncertainty, I will ask for clarification.

Self-reflection, I believe, is a misleading concept . It’s very popular atm as is mindfulness and self evaluation. They all put the focus on the individual being the centre of all thought- the me, me, me mentality and I don’t believe this is healthy. The self confident become dangerously so and the self conscious are not given a chance to thrive. Better shut up now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It amuses me the amount of people around here who blame others for their experiences, woman are rude for not replying, couples are stuck up for having set rules, people get over looked because there's a clique. They rant and rave about others without looking at their own behaviour to see if what they are doing could cause the things they blame on others.

It just got me thinking about day to day life and how many of us are self reflective?

What's your go to response when disgruntled? Do you automatically blame others or are you able to step back and look at your own involvement?

Good question Rubi

Answer it then! "

I think most of you who use the Forum on regular basis know how I react when I'm disgruntled. I voice it quite clearly. Get it off my chest. I do look at my own involvement.. do I need to comment? No. Do I want to? If so why? Do i have anything to add? Or is it just hot air? How that other person may be feeling. How I'm feeling.

It doesn't usually stop me from saying what is on my mind, but it may alter the style in which I express it.

When I was younger, or in a less secure frame of mind. I'd fire up. Post deliberately confrontational posts, defame, twist and contort to win an argument, get attention, be seen, not care, not think and get my attitude on. I was a bit of a dick, but I'd like to think I've mellowed a bit and got the majority of my furious, rage and anger to a steady, stable simmering.

I'm far from perfect But still like to have my say.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I tend to look at the big picture. I know a can have strong views on different things, I'm aware that at times I can be a hormonal mardy bum.

If I take offence or get angry at stuff I'll quite often look internally at why. Sometimes I learn the reasons I'm not happy about it and can work on understanding and improving my future responses. Other times I simply don't like the person, their views, their bullshit and the "who" they are/pretend to be/represent and not much will change it other than a personality transplant.

P

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I tend to look at the big picture. I know a can have strong views on different things, I'm aware that at times I can be a hormonal mardy bum.

If I take offence or get angry at stuff I'll quite often look internally at why. Sometimes I learn the reasons I'm not happy about it and can work on understanding and improving my future responses. Other times I simply don't like the person, their views, their bullshit and the "who" they are/pretend to be/represent and not much will change it other than a personality transplant.

P"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I tend to look at the big picture. I know a can have strong views on different things, I'm aware that at times I can be a hormonal mardy bum.

If I take offence or get angry at stuff I'll quite often look internally at why. Sometimes I learn the reasons I'm not happy about it and can work on understanding and improving my future responses. Other times I simply don't like the person, their views, their bullshit and the "who" they are/pretend to be/represent and not much will change it other than a personality transplant.

P

"

Oh shucks.

I'll also add to that, quite often I explain why I'm responding the way I am, to give others a sense of understanding if they can be bothered to listen.

P

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I am reflective. I look at what has happened and try to see it through the eyes of others involved as well as mine. If I was wrong, I apologise. If the other was wrong, I let them know, with reasons IF they deserve to hear them. If there’s uncertainty, I will ask for clarification.

Self-reflection, I believe, is a misleading concept . It’s very popular atm as is mindfulness and self evaluation. They all put the focus on the individual being the centre of all thought- the me, me, me mentality and I don’t believe this is healthy. The self confident become dangerously so and the self conscious are not given a chance to thrive. Better shut up now "

This. Eloquent, insightful, and recognised that too much self obsession isnt always a good thing.

The centre of the world is not always "me", no matter how much we may think it is.

That world it goes on around us, its centre constantly shifting, and recognising that we are just a small element of something much bigger than just "me", perhaps it's a sign that we can see value, as much or even more, in others than just believing everything is about "me" whoever we might be...

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet


"I am reflective. I look at what has happened and try to see it through the eyes of others involved as well as mine. If I was wrong, I apologise. If the other was wrong, I let them know, with reasons IF they deserve to hear them. If there’s uncertainty, I will ask for clarification.

Self-reflection, I believe, is a misleading concept . It’s very popular atm as is mindfulness and self evaluation. They all put the focus on the individual being the centre of all thought- the me, me, me mentality and I don’t believe this is healthy. The self confident become dangerously so and the self conscious are not given a chance to thrive. Better shut up now

This. Eloquent, insightful, and recognised that too much self obsession isnt always a good thing.

The centre of the world is not always "me", no matter how much we may think it is.

That world it goes on around us, its centre constantly shifting, and recognising that we are just a small element of something much bigger than just "me", perhaps it's a sign that we can see value, as much or even more, in others than just believing everything is about "me" whoever we might be...

"

Think people are confusing self reflection with self obsession.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I am reflective. I look at what has happened and try to see it through the eyes of others involved as well as mine. If I was wrong, I apologise. If the other was wrong, I let them know, with reasons IF they deserve to hear them. If there’s uncertainty, I will ask for clarification.

Self-reflection, I believe, is a misleading concept . It’s very popular atm as is mindfulness and self evaluation. They all put the focus on the individual being the centre of all thought- the me, me, me mentality and I don’t believe this is healthy. The self confident become dangerously so and the self conscious are not given a chance to thrive. Better shut up now "

Oh I agree, being able to consider someone else's viewpoint and motivation is healthy too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do my own thing really. Fab is just something to pass the time. My reflections arise from events and interactions in the real world

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I do my own thing really. Fab is just something to pass the time. My reflections arise from events and interactions in the real world "

Fab is real people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I do my own thing really. Fab is just something to pass the time. My reflections arise from events and interactions in the real world

Fab is real people. "

I log off and you disappear... Real life is nt like that. I don't leave my work and its issues behind me when I walk out of the door

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I do my own thing really. Fab is just something to pass the time. My reflections arise from events and interactions in the real world

Fab is real people.

I log off and you disappear... Real life is nt like that. I don't leave my work and its issues behind me when I walk out of the door "

It's things like that which i reflect upon

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sometimes it *is* other people's fault."
That's not taking responsibility though. Pin the blame on who you like, but you're responsible for your part in whatever.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sometimes it *is* other people's fault.

That's not taking responsibility though. Pin the blame on who you like, but you're responsible for your part in whatever. "

So if I get my head kicked in for making the wrong food, that's my fault?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I take full responsibility for my own actions - the good ones and the bad

I've made mistakes, I've fucked up royally and I understand and own that

I detest blame cultures

I don't mix well with others who admonish personal and collective responsibility

I challenge those that direct me if, as a result of their direction, I am expected to assume responsibility for something that I am uncomfortable with

It has made me few allies professionally

My moral and ethical compasses have stronger magnetic pulls than my corporate one

If you're pulling a stunt, you can fire your own fkin bullets, don't rely on me to do it for you

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