FabSwingers.com forum: Low esteam

By *usty78 OP Couple
over a year ago

Ivybridge

My wife has a low opinion of herself doesn't see herself as attractive or sexy i tell her all the time she is a very genuine lady kind sexy funny

Any advice xxx

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

It's something she needs to discover for herself, I think. At least it was for me. How, is a harder question.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's something she needs to discover for herself, I think. At least it was for me. How, is a harder question. "

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By *usty78 OP Couple
over a year ago

Ivybridge

I am trying to get someone to flirt with her she loves compliments

And relaxes after a drink

Slightly shy I would say xx

But thanks for your comments xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Swinging may not help this.... if she is seeing you with other women that may well impact on her questioning her own worth.

Maybe a break from swinging and focusing 1 on 1 with her will help.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I am trying to get someone to flirt with her she loves compliments

And relaxes after a drink

Slightly shy I would say xx

But thanks for your comments xx"

That won't fix any underlying issues. Again, I speak from personal experience.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

You probably need to get at the root cause of her low self esteem and a dress that. From what I see on fab being told you're lovely doesn’t help if you don't believe it yourself. I'd say talk to her, ask her why she can't believe you when you tell her she's gorgeous and work from there.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I am trying to get someone to flirt with her she loves compliments

And relaxes after a drink

Slightly shy I would say xx

But thanks for your comments xx"

I learned very quickly that people can compliment me as much as they like, but unless I believe it, it’s a fake confidence boost and I’d end up feeling worse for it in the long run

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Swinging may not help this.... if she is seeing you with other women that may well impact on her questioning her own worth.

Maybe a break from swinging and focusing 1 on 1 with her will help."

And if you are trying to get her to sleep with other men that may also not do her any good. For example if she was good enough for you wouldnt want to share her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Swinging may not help this.... if she is seeing you with other women that may well impact on her questioning her own worth.

Maybe a break from swinging and focusing 1 on 1 with her will help.

And if you are trying to get her to sleep with other men that may also not do her any good. For example if she was good enough for you wouldnt want to share her."

Jesus I hope that’s not what she thinks...me and my husband mutually agreed I’d fuck other men and I’ve never thought I wasn’t good enough for him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The Mrs gets like that sometimes .

I the Mr just try to keep her upbeat through those times.

Complementing her on her clothes and her looks and encouraging her to try new things.

At the moment we are training together at the gym and her self esteem is climbing by the day.

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By *usty78 OP Couple
over a year ago

Ivybridge

I am more interested in getting her swinging than me

She could see how sexy see was then

Not just me telling her xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I am more interested in getting her swinging than me

She could see how sexy see was then

Not just me telling her xxx

Does she want to swing?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You probably need to get at the root cause of her low self esteem and a dress that. From what I see on fab being told you're lovely doesn’t help if you don't believe it yourself."

I think that false praise here is even worse for your self esteem than no praise. Men will say anything to get their hole on here and most women are aware of that.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I am trying to get someone to flirt with her she loves compliments

And relaxes after a drink

Slightly shy I would say xx

But thanks for your comments xx"

Why would you trying to get someone to flirt with her help? If they have to he asked she will feel even worse

Please don't go down the route of believing that low self esteem in a woman can be fixed by sexual attention from men.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I am more interested in getting her swinging than me

She could see how sexy see was then

Not just me telling her xxx

Swinging doesn’t boost my self esteem.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I am trying to get someone to flirt with her she loves compliments

And relaxes after a drink

Slightly shy I would say xx

But thanks for your comments xx"

I think someone flirting with her out of their own choice rather than being instigated by yourself would have greater meaning.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I have probably moderate self esteem up from catastrophically low. It never, ever mattered what someone said about me or did for me, there were always reasons why it was fake or I wasn't worthy.

They can help now, because I have a solid base to work on. I accept myself as good enough (mostly, working on it) and can take or leave the commentary as I choose.

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By *usty78 OP Couple
over a year ago

Ivybridge

Oh xxx

I am not like that

Bit nieve perhaps lol

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I am more interested in getting her swinging than me

She could see how sexy see was then

Not just me telling her xxx

High self esteem is about so much more than being sexually attractive to strangers.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I am more interested in getting her swinging than me

She could see how sexy see was then

Not just me telling her xxx

This sounds like a recipe for disaster tbh.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh xxx

I am not like that

Bit nieve perhaps lol"

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By *tingly ByronMan
over a year ago

In a town Fab forgot

"You probably need to get at the root cause of her low self esteem and a dress that. From what I see on fab being told you're lovely doesn’t help if you don't believe it yourself. I'd say talk to her, ask her why she can't believe you when you tell her she's gorgeous and work from there.

Wise words.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 07/07/19 13:13:29]

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By *usty78 OP Couple
over a year ago

Ivybridge

Yes xxxx

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By *aucyladMan
over a year ago

Dublin

"I am more interested in getting her swinging than me

She could see how sexy see was then

Not just me telling her xxx

Are you not trying to push her into something however.Getting meets wont help her esteem,it may help your desires but not necessarily hers.She needs to find self value and esteem herself.You can help her by appreciating her which Im sure you do but getting her meets isnt going to get her esteem instantly at all.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Oh xxx

I am not like that

Bit nieve perhaps lol"

I think you probably are. Don't try and persuade your wife to do anything under the guise of it being good for her self esteem.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s a personal thing, just see what’s the original cause of it all, where it stems from and talk to her about it, and tell her I said she’s stunning too by the way, photos look amazing xx

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By *oan of DArcCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

"I am more interested in getting her swinging than me

She could see how sexy see was then

Not just me telling her xxx

I think you're confusing self esteem with sexual activity, her self esteem won't be improved by receiving compliments she receives from men involved in this lifestyle.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Yes xxxx"

Click on reply +quote so we know who you're talking to

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So many good tips and advice on this thread.

I suffered from low self esteem for a long time and it's only in the last 7-8 years that I started believing in myself.

My advice would be for her to set a goal - outside of the scene - where she can really achieve something for herself. Whether it's the gym, at work, or even a home project. Little by little, she'll start believing in her self. It takes time. I agree with other forum posters that it's not as simple as just getting someone to flirt with her.

All the best

Niki x

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By *usty78 OP Couple
over a year ago

Ivybridge

She is not depressed or anything like that we have great sex regularly

I am always buying her nice clothes

Life is good I just feel she could be happier

Maybe it's me ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree with this. You can't tell someone something that they don't want to know.

The key word in self esteem is *self*, you can't give it to someone if they don't believe it themselves.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"She is not depressed or anything like that we have great sex regularly

I am always buying her nice clothes

Life is good I just feel she could be happier

Maybe it's me ?"

All those things do not mean she couldn’t have depression

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I am more interested in getting her swinging than me

She could see how sexy see was then

Not just me telling her xxx

High self esteem is about so much more than being sexually attractive to strangers. "

Definitely.

She could also be feeling somewhat objectified by her partner too I would imagine.

Wanting to see someone seduce your wife, more interested in getting her swinging.

What does SHE want?

Almost comes across as though you get off on what others think of her.

My apologies if I've read things completely wrong but that's how I'm perceiving it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"She is not depressed or anything like that we have great sex regularly

I am always buying her nice clothes

Life is good I just feel she could be happier

Maybe it's me ?"

Maybe

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"She is not depressed or anything like that we have great sex regularly

I am always buying her nice clothes

Life is good I just feel she could be happier

Maybe it's me ?"

Have you asked her if she's happy? Or what would make her happy?

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By *usty78 OP Couple
over a year ago

Ivybridge

She says she is happy

I know her very well

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"She is not depressed or anything like that we have great sex regularly

I am always buying her nice clothes

Life is good I just feel she could be happier

Maybe it's me ?"

It's possible it is you, especially if she's picking up on the fact that you're not happy with her as she is. I don't mean that in an unkind way but you seem to have missed responding to the people who have suggested that talking to her and finding out the root cause of the problem you perceive her to have in favour of trying to persuade her to be sexual with others "for her own good". I think you might be misguided as to what women need to make them feel good.

also have you considered her age in this?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"She is not depressed or anything like that we have great sex regularly

I am always buying her nice clothes

Life is good I just feel she could be happier

Maybe it's me ?"

Yes, it quite possibly is...

Not being nasty but it seems a little like you're saying that 'you know best' for her. Ultimately you can help and support her but you can never change how someone feels and to try is very manipulative.

If she feels bad about herself then you telling her "you're wrong" only increases that negative feeling. I understand that you want her to be happy but it's not a quick fix and it has to come from her.

Tea

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How about a change of tack.

Instead of you asking for people to flirt with her and have her wondering if people are being genuine or if they're "pity flirting" give her the reins.

Let her start her own thread (but maybe not now as people (me) would be questioning if it was even her or if it was you pretending to be her) and get genuine reactions from there.

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By *usty78 OP Couple
over a year ago

Ivybridge

Yes thank you for your comments

And long time ago we had a good friend a single man always got let down by woman

We were walking home with him we were all a bit tipsy

He was pissed

My wife said to him you can SHAG me if you want Steve ( me ) won't mind but he said no its OK and I often think about that evening she has only EVER been with me !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"She is not depressed or anything like that we have great sex regularly

I am always buying her nice clothes

Life is good I just feel she could be happier

Maybe it's me ?

Yes, it quite possibly is...

Tea"

Sooooo much this.

You can tell people they're wrong when it comes to facts, but please don't tell people they're wrong when it comes to feeling, because that only dismisses them and makes them question themselves even more.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes thank you for your comments

And long time ago we had a good friend a single man always got let down by woman

We were walking home with him we were all a bit tipsy

He was pissed

My wife said to him you can SHAG me if you want Steve ( me ) won't mind but he said no its OK and I often think about that evening she has only EVER been with me !"

Up until I joined fab I had only ever been with my husband, and that didn’t contribute to my low self esteem whatsoever

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By *usty78 OP Couple
over a year ago

Ivybridge

Didn't mean that xx

I feel she feels she has missed out only ever being with me ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes thank you for your comments

And long time ago we had a good friend a single man always got let down by woman

We were walking home with him we were all a bit tipsy

He was pissed

My wife said to him you can SHAG me if you want Steve ( me ) won't mind but he said no its OK and I often think about that evening she has only EVER been with me !"

Has she ever been with another man?

Is she aware that you have a couples profile?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Didn't mean that xx

I feel she feels she has missed out only ever being with me ?"

Has she actually told you any of this? It seems like you’re assuming a lot, when really you should just speak to her. You’ve already said she’s very happy...

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By *usty78 OP Couple
over a year ago

Ivybridge

She is aware she posed for the pics for the profile

She likes the fact that other people look at them xx

And she has never been with anyone but me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is she aware that you have a couples profile?"

I was wondering this myself in all honesty

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally l think all ladies carry a little bit of uncertainty with them ,As in ,they would think they see faults in themselves where no one else would see anything of the nature ..and maybe carry a fear of something being said to them ...l know it's not a solution or advice to the question or topic here but it's just a general thought regarding the constant battle ladies face everyday..maybe they feel under the microscope everyday they step out into the world... personally l do think it's way harder for ladies than men in the everyday walk of life ...just my tuppence worth

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

If she has self esteem issues, she needs to sort it out. It'll be regardless of sex or clothes or attention or missing out on other people sexually.

If she doesn't want to sort it out and says she's happy, support her in that.

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By *usty78 OP Couple
over a year ago

Ivybridge

Thank you xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Didn't mean that xx

I feel she feels she has missed out only ever being with me ?

Has she actually told you any of this? It seems like you’re assuming a lot, when really you should just speak to her. You’ve already said she’s very happy..."

Exactly this.

Everything that you're saying is your assumption, often contrary to what she's actually said to you...

Do you trust and respect your wife as an individual? Do you believe that she's able to know her own mind and feelings?

*If* your answer is yes, then why do you assume that you know what's best for her and seem intent on changing her mind?

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Personally l think all ladies carry a little bit of uncertainty with them ,As in ,they would think they see faults in themselves where no one else would see anything of the nature ..and maybe carry a fear of something being said to them ...l know it's not a solution or advice to the question or topic here but it's just a general thought regarding the constant battle ladies face everyday..maybe they feel under the microscope everyday they step out into the world... personally l do think it's way harder for ladies than men in the everyday walk of life ...just my tuppence worth "

Good thoughts. I don't spend my time agonising about how I look or base my self worth on whether someone fancies me or not.

I know millions of other women are exactly the same.

We don't all live in magazine la la land.

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By *usty78 OP Couple
over a year ago

Ivybridge

Not looking to change her mind

Respect her 100%

Just sometimes I think she wants to take things further but a bit reserved

When we are in a lively bars and last week some young lads were flirting with her she pulled her top down

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By *usty78 OP Couple
over a year ago

Ivybridge

And she loved the comments when we get home the sex

Is amazing

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

"My wife has a low opinion of herself doesn't see herself as attractive or sexy i tell her all the time she is a very genuine lady kind sexy funny

Any advice xxx"

My Sherlock Holmes alter ego thinks it's your fantasy and your partner isn't aware you're on here.

You posted a similar thread not long ago saying you wanted someone to seduce her without you knowing you'd set it up which is impossible if she's on here as she'd see it

I sentence you to 7 years of solitary wanking and a ban from fab

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

[Removed by poster at 07/07/19 13:50:43]

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"My wife has a low opinion of herself doesn't see herself as attractive or sexy i tell her all the time she is a very genuine lady kind sexy funny

Any advice xxx

My Sherlock Holmes alter ego thinks it's your fantasy and your partner isn't aware you're on here.

You posted a similar thread not long ago saying you wanted someone to seduce her without you knowing you'd set it up which is impossible if she's on here as she'd see it

I sentence you to 7 years of solitary wanking and a ban from fab

I got the same vibe but deleted my post and called myself a cynic but in my gut....... I know im right

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By *usty78 OP Couple
over a year ago

Ivybridge

You are entitled to your opinion

And I respect it

But you are wrong

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My wife has a low opinion of herself doesn't see herself as attractive or sexy i tell her all the time she is a very genuine lady kind sexy funny

Any advice xxx

My Sherlock Holmes alter ego thinks it's your fantasy and your partner isn't aware you're on here.

You posted a similar thread not long ago saying you wanted someone to seduce her without you knowing you'd set it up which is impossible if she's on here as she'd see it

I sentence you to 7 years of solitary wanking and a ban from fab

I got the same vibe but deleted my post and called myself a cynic but in my gut....... I know im right

A few of us with spidey senses.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"You are entitled to your opinion

And I respect it

But you are wrong "

That was to you Sam

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By *usty78 OP Couple
over a year ago

Ivybridge

Lol

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

"You are entitled to your opinion

And I respect it

But you are wrong

That was to you Sam"

Story of my life

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