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Ghosting

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Can we just talk about ghosting?

You know where someone, and I am not just talking here, messages and then suddenly goes quiet.

Have people just lost all manners? Why do people have to play games? If people aren’t interested just say it. Don’t go quiet and then make that person start to question what they did wrong, worrying that it’s something wrong with them.

Too many times this has happened to me and it’s really starting to knock my confidence and self esteem.

Sorry just needed to rant and get that out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wooooooo im a ghost boooooo im kidding im just wearing a sheet over me

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Wooooooo im a ghost boooooo im kidding im just wearing a sheet over me "

Oh jeez you scared the life out of me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Can we just talk about ghosting?

You know where someone, and I am not just talking here, messages and then suddenly goes quiet.

Have people just lost all manners? Why do people have to play games? If people aren’t interested just say it. Don’t go quiet and then make that person start to question what they did wrong, worrying that it’s something wrong with them.

Too many times this has happened to me and it’s really starting to knock my confidence and self esteem.

Sorry just needed to rant and get that out. "
that's quite a common occurrence for guys but sorry you experienced it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s happened me a few times op. It’s totally shite when it happens.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This seems to be popping up again and again. Is it just newbies without verifications and pics?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Wooooooo im a ghost boooooo im kidding im just wearing a sheet over me

Oh jeez you scared the life out of me "
fear is power

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You’re probably overthinking.

Sometimes people just can’t be arsed to message, it gets tedious.

If you’re arranging to meet then yes we’re super interested, if you’re telling us about your day and what you’re having for dinner then we’re quickly bored.

Doesn’t mean we don’t like you.

We still like you and probably wanna get naked and smear Branston pickle between your toes then slowly tongue it out.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"This seems to be popping up again and again. Is it just newbies without verifications and pics? "

No I have been here before, I tend to only chat to people that are verified and have been here for more than a couple of months.

But it’s not just here, I have had it on other sites as well.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Can we just talk about ghosting?

You know where someone, and I am not just talking here, messages and then suddenly goes quiet.

Have people just lost all manners? Why do people have to play games? If people aren’t interested just say it. Don’t go quiet and then make that person start to question what they did wrong, worrying that it’s something wrong with them.

Too many times this has happened to me and it’s really starting to knock my confidence and self esteem.

Sorry just needed to rant and get that out. "

Happened to me a fair few times, on and off here. I stopped trying to understand a while ago, and now I just let them jog on. Not worth our time or effort if they aren’t grown up enough to be honest.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"You’re probably overthinking.

Sometimes people just can’t be arsed to message, it gets tedious.

If you’re arranging to meet then yes we’re super interested, if you’re telling us about your day and what you’re having for dinner then we’re quickly bored.

Doesn’t mean we don’t like you.

We still like you and probably wanna get naked and smear Branston pickle between your toes then slowly tongue it out."

This has been when I have been trying to arrange a meet. I don’t waffle on about the mundane.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You’re probably overthinking.

Sometimes people just can’t be arsed to message, it gets tedious.

If you’re arranging to meet then yes we’re super interested, if you’re telling us about your day and what you’re having for dinner then we’re quickly bored.

Doesn’t mean we don’t like you.

We still like you and probably wanna get naked and smear Branston pickle between your toes then slowly tongue it out."

What, you mean you don’t like when I send you my meal update photos?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is internet for you. Online you can be anything you want. A ghost for example.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You’re probably overthinking.

Sometimes people just can’t be arsed to message, it gets tedious.

If you’re arranging to meet then yes we’re super interested, if you’re telling us about your day and what you’re having for dinner then we’re quickly bored.

Doesn’t mean we don’t like you.

We still like you and probably wanna get naked and smear Branston pickle between your toes then slowly tongue it out.

What, you mean you don’t like when I send you my meal update photos? "

You do eat a lot of cabbage!

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.

It happens Op sadly. You just have to try and not let it knock you and get on with things. There are some decent ones out there. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just mirror their behaviours and wait to see how they take it

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By *dam1971Man
over a year ago

Bedford

It does happen, sometimes when I send messages out the replies I get back are shorter and shorter so I think she’s just bored with me now.

If I stop, does she think I’m ghosting her?

There can be two sides to a story

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unfortunately it does happen, probably far more to guys than to ladies, it's never nice when it does happen. As you said; it does make you question what you said or did wrong.

I do find the disparity in reactions interesting though, if this was a guy posting this thread the answers would be very very different.

*gallic shrug*

Tea

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

As others have said it happens and can be for any number of reasons and you'll probably never know which - maybe they found someone else they were more interested in, maybe something happened in real life that took priority, maybe you were more invested in meeting them, than they were you, maybe they were game players who enjoyed the thrill of the chase more than actually meeting and any number of other possibilities.

We'd all prefer if people were honest and at least provided some level of "closure" so you don't end up wondering why but for some people it's easier just to cut contact than provide that honesty - I've learned to try not to take it to heart when it happens even though there is a temptation to wonder what I said or did - and as a terrible over-thinker that's not as easy as it sounds - but I know wasting too much time thinking about it will get me nowhere.

You just have to accept that some conversations will just fizzle out naturally, some will come to an abrupt end without knowing why and some will just flow naturally and it's the latter ones that I try and focus my attention on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You’re probably overthinking.

Sometimes people just can’t be arsed to message, it gets tedious.

If you’re arranging to meet then yes we’re super interested, if you’re telling us about your day and what you’re having for dinner then we’re quickly bored.

Doesn’t mean we don’t like you.

We still like you and probably wanna get naked and smear Branston pickle between your toes then slowly tongue it out.

This has been when I have been trying to arrange a meet. I don’t waffle on about the mundane. "

My guess is it is often because the thrill of the chase has gone. They just wanted to know they could pull you if they wanted to. Never had any intention of meeting. Just a lesser version of those who get to the meet stage and then as you’re on the way to the meeting place vanish. The mentality is warped but it’s how they get their kicks.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some people do it when they lose interest and think things arent going as they planned example a lady off here got abit annoyed after I couldnt stimulate her mind with her rather extraordinary fetishes.

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By *ryst In IsoldeWoman
over a year ago

your imagination

It happens OP... And if you think it's bad when someone you've been chatting with does it, just wait until someone you've been meeting decides to just cut off all contact without explanation.

Both men and women are guilty of this... With men though they sometimes don't even realise they've done it. They get distracted and caught up in something or someone else, and then weeks or months later see a new photo you've uploaded or a post on the forums and suddenly realise how long it's been since they spoke to you. If that's the case, just be relieved that you hadn't met them!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Some people do it when they lose interest and think things arent going as they planned example a lady off here got abit annoyed after I couldnt stimulate her mind with her rather extraordinary fetishes. I am a failure"
. Don't be so hard with yourself dude x

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By *hetalkingstoveMan
over a year ago

London

I guess the question is "Do we have a moral duty of care to gently let someone down when a conversation isn't working out for us?"

I'm not so sure that we do.

The label of 'ghosting' for me should be reserved for situations where you've met in person and established some kind of relationship. Then a vanishing of communication is clearly rude.

But online only? It can be disappointing when an online interaction stops. But it happens to pretty much everyone. And I reckon almost everyone is 'guilty' of doing it to someone else at some point - other life things happen, interests change, and people online can go *nuts* if they feel like you've slighted them.

It's nice if you have the emotional energy to formally end every interaction you have. But I think the vast majority of people don't have that, and that's ok. Exchanging a few messages is not a promise or commitment.

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By *hatYorkLadMan
over a year ago

York

Pretty much guaranteed that it's because someone else more interesting has caught their eye, I've had it happen many a time. It's just really shit when you seem to have really hit it off with someone and got to know each other quite well over a period of time, then they ghost you there are always obvious clues pointing to it being that reason if you do a little bit of detective work.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You’re probably overthinking.

Sometimes people just can’t be arsed to message, it gets tedious.

If you’re arranging to meet then yes we’re super interested, if you’re telling us about your day and what you’re having for dinner then we’re quickly bored.

Doesn’t mean we don’t like you.

We still like you and probably wanna get naked and smear Branston pickle between your toes then slowly tongue it out.

This has been when I have been trying to arrange a meet. I don’t waffle on about the mundane. "

Did you do any sex chat with them? They probably had a wank and don't need to meet now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Some people do it when they lose interest and think things arent going as they planned example a lady off here got abit annoyed after I couldnt stimulate her mind with her rather extraordinary fetishes. I am a failure. Don't be so hard with yourself dude x"

Lol thanks ??????

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Some people do it when they lose interest and think things arent going as they planned example a lady off here got abit annoyed after I couldnt stimulate her mind with her rather extraordinary fetishes. I am a failure. Don't be so hard with yourself dude x

Lol thanks ??????"

No need x

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By *andonmessMan
over a year ago

A world all of his own

Had it happen to me twice last year, having met them both socially. Does leave you feeling a little shit afterwards but hey ho, some people are just cowardly like that.

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By *ibblingnewtWoman
over a year ago

by the sea

I get it a lot

But I really think it’s just a case of attention floating to another member, don’t even think about it it’s nothing personal but they can’t face explaining etc.

I don’t just blank people that I’ve been chatting for ages as to me it’s just bad manners but many don’t think that way here

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By *evil_u_knowMan
over a year ago

city

Just how the world works now.

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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago

Hillside desolate

I've not had this happen to me yet, though I've been accused of it myself

I think some people want a lot of chat before during and after, other people don't. If somebody gets too full on with constant messaging and won't cool it when asked then I will stop answering them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm sure half the time it's because they have finished their wank, cum the fantasy is satisfied and they ain't horny anymore

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

Unfortunately it is how a lot of people go about things these days.

I've had it happen to me on here, I've had it happen to me in other places. I have even had friends I've known for years just stop all contact with me (I'm seeing a pattern with me here).

It is shitty, it is cowardly, it is disrespectful, and lacks decency and manners but its just easier for these people to do so than tell the truth.

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By *rReyMan
over a year ago

Fleet


"

I'm sure half the time it's because they have finished their wank, cum the fantasy is satisfied and they ain't horny anymore "

This ^^ had it recently, good bit of banter and flirting. Built up to something more sexy, photo swap, bit more sexy flirting then nothing....

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By *evil_u_knowMan
over a year ago

city

It's not just here. Have you ever noticed in films/tv americans never say bye on the phone?

I think it affects British/Irish people more than it would European or American people, as for us its the little small polite things that basically make up our culutres.

No kissing when we meet, no handshakes, just a hey, and a cya later, or a good luck when parting.

So when them small things are taken away it comes across as not just impolite, but the height of rudeness.

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By *inkySeeKinkyDoWoman
over a year ago

'tween PontyCarlo & CasVegas in West Yorks


"Unfortunately it is how a lot of people go about things these days.

I've had it happen to me on here, I've had it happen to me in other places. I have even had friends I've known for years just stop all contact with me (I'm seeing a pattern with me here).

It is shitty, it is cowardly, it is disrespectful, and lacks decency and manners but its just easier for these people to do so than tell the truth. "

Just waiting on some self righteousness knob coming along say its you at the centre of it...well its not.

Its rude folk who have no concept of communication skills...we shouldnt put up with these people...they should be called out on their behaviour otherwise its never going to change and will only get far worse.

Faceless electronic communication and tech is creating generations of socially inept morons!

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By *ibblingnewtWoman
over a year ago

by the sea


"It's not just here. Have you ever noticed in films/tv americans never say bye on the phone?

I think it affects British/Irish people more than it would European or American people, as for us its the little small polite things that basically make up our culutres.

No kissing when we meet, no handshakes, just a hey, and a cya later, or a good luck when parting.

So when them small things are taken away it comes across as not just impolite, but the height of rudeness."

That always been the way with Americans on the phone on tv, I wonder if they do it in real life?

I had a Cypriot boyfriend and his mum always used to say “over” after she spoke, and no they never had a walkie talkie

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Having thought about this some more, and I stand by my previous post, I think there are different levels of acceptability to it...

If it's just someone you're chatting to via messages but haven't met, then it's more acceptable than if you've actually met the person - I sometimes think it's easy to get caught up in messaging and read too much into things, because you don't get the tone or emotion conveyed in person - so in those cases perhaps the other person simply wasn't as invested as you thought they were or were yourself, and maybe for them the conversation just fizzled out rather than requiring an "ending".

When you have met in person, or even been intimate with someone though - some kind of closure would be good, even if it was a simple "It was lovely spending time with you but I don't want to do it again" - the trouble is that then gives rise to the "why not?" questions that can lead to someone being abusive, stalkerish or worse so I can see both sides here - perhaps if people were more respectful and accepting on *both* sides of the equation it wouldn't happen.

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool


"Having thought about this some more, and I stand by my previous post, I think there are different levels of acceptability to it...

If it's just someone you're chatting to via messages but haven't met, then it's more acceptable than if you've actually met the person - I sometimes think it's easy to get caught up in messaging and read too much into things, because you don't get the tone or emotion conveyed in person - so in those cases perhaps the other person simply wasn't as invested as you thought they were or were yourself, and maybe for them the conversation just fizzled out rather than requiring an "ending".

When you have met in person, or even been intimate with someone though - some kind of closure would be good, even if it was a simple "It was lovely spending time with you but I don't want to do it again" - the trouble is that then gives rise to the "why not?" questions that can lead to someone being abusive, stalkerish or worse so I can see both sides here - perhaps if people were more respectful and accepting on *both* sides of the equation it wouldn't happen.

"

I agree to a point. It has less impact overall depending on the familiarity of both parties.

The issue is (with a lot of things) the way the human mind works, and human nature is that it becomes a slippy slope and ghosting just becomes acceptable. The more you do it to "strangers" the more natural it is and bleeds in to just being the norm.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Can we just talk about ghosting?

You know where someone, and I am not just talking here, messages and then suddenly goes quiet.

Have people just lost all manners? Why do people have to play games? If people aren’t interested just say it. Don’t go quiet and then make that person start to question what they did wrong, worrying that it’s something wrong with them.

Too many times this has happened to me and it’s really starting to knock my confidence and self esteem.

Sorry just needed to rant and get that out. "

Sorry but I dont consider this as ghosting. Ghosting is far more personal and hurtful. I would consider this as simply losing interest. It happens to a lot and is pretty common in this technological age.

Holly

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Can we just talk about ghosting?

You know where someone, and I am not just talking here, messages and then suddenly goes quiet.

Have people just lost all manners? Why do people have to play games? If people aren’t interested just say it. Don’t go quiet and then make that person start to question what they did wrong, worrying that it’s something wrong with them.

Too many times this has happened to me and it’s really starting to knock my confidence and self esteem.

Sorry just needed to rant and get that out.

Sorry but I dont consider this as ghosting. Ghosting is far more personal and hurtful. I would consider this as simply losing interest. It happens to a lot and is pretty common in this technological age.

Holly"
she liked him though holly and now he's the ghost of easter past

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"Having thought about this some more, and I stand by my previous post, I think there are different levels of acceptability to it...

If it's just someone you're chatting to via messages but haven't met, then it's more acceptable than if you've actually met the person - I sometimes think it's easy to get caught up in messaging and read too much into things, because you don't get the tone or emotion conveyed in person - so in those cases perhaps the other person simply wasn't as invested as you thought they were or were yourself, and maybe for them the conversation just fizzled out rather than requiring an "ending".

When you have met in person, or even been intimate with someone though - some kind of closure would be good, even if it was a simple "It was lovely spending time with you but I don't want to do it again" - the trouble is that then gives rise to the "why not?" questions that can lead to someone being abusive, stalkerish or worse so I can see both sides here - perhaps if people were more respectful and accepting on *both* sides of the equation it wouldn't happen.

I agree to a point. It has less impact overall depending on the familiarity of both parties.

The issue is (with a lot of things) the way the human mind works, and human nature is that it becomes a slippy slope and ghosting just becomes acceptable. The more you do it to "strangers" the more natural it is and bleeds in to just being the norm. "

Don't get me wrong, I'm not suggesting it should become wholly acceptable, far from it, there are clearly instances when it's not - I just sometimes think there's a balance to be found between what one person might see as "ghosting" and another might see as "fizzling out naturally" - there doesn't always have to be "closure" it just came to a natural end.

I think the nature of the site skews the perception a little too - the fact by its nature it's supposed to be about "no strings attached" (whichever way you look at that) leads to a couple of things - firstly those who do view it as exactly that and therefore don't think they need to cut the strings because they were never there, then you have those that confuse "no strings attached" and "normal" relationships and perhaps expect a little more than they should - neither is necessarily right or wrong.

Either way it's not seen as "good form" here to question when things don't progress, as you might in a normal relationship, and that's what can lead to things becoming a bit of a headf**k at times as you question what you did or didn't do wrong and try to second guess a situation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Too many times this has happened to me and it’s really starting to knock my confidence and self esteem.

Sorry just needed to rant and get that out. "

Valid rant. Unfortunately it happens, and it's hard to defend against.

I found myself trying to think up excuses why it happened, searching for the minuatest of hints, to the point it became exhausting. In the end I find myself being guarded well beyond actually meeting, and trying to accept that for reasons beyond my knowledge people behave the way they do.

That said, when I have a very low period I become uncommunicative and spend more time anxiously trying to work the best way to say hello again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Having thought about this some more, and I stand by my previous post, I think there are different levels of acceptability to it...

If it's just someone you're chatting to via messages but haven't met, then it's more acceptable than if you've actually met the person - I sometimes think it's easy to get caught up in messaging and read too much into things, because you don't get the tone or emotion conveyed in person - so in those cases perhaps the other person simply wasn't as invested as you thought they were or were yourself, and maybe for them the conversation just fizzled out rather than requiring an "ending".

When you have met in person, or even been intimate with someone though - some kind of closure would be good, even if it was a simple "It was lovely spending time with you but I don't want to do it again" - the trouble is that then gives rise to the "why not?" questions that can lead to someone being abusive, stalkerish or worse so I can see both sides here - perhaps if people were more respectful and accepting on *both* sides of the equation it wouldn't happen.

I agree to a point. It has less impact overall depending on the familiarity of both parties.

The issue is (with a lot of things) the way the human mind works, and human nature is that it becomes a slippy slope and ghosting just becomes acceptable. The more you do it to "strangers" the more natural it is and bleeds in to just being the norm.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not suggesting it should become wholly acceptable, far from it, there are clearly instances when it's not - I just sometimes think there's a balance to be found between what one person might see as "ghosting" and another might see as "fizzling out naturally" - there doesn't always have to be "closure" it just came to a natural end.

I think the nature of the site skews the perception a little too - the fact by its nature it's supposed to be about "no strings attached" (whichever way you look at that) leads to a couple of things - firstly those who do view it as exactly that and therefore don't think they need to cut the strings because they were never there, then you have those that confuse "no strings attached" and "normal" relationships and perhaps expect a little more than they should - neither is necessarily right or wrong.

Either way it's not seen as "good form" here to question when things don't progress, as you might in a normal relationship, and that's what can lead to things becoming a bit of a headf**k at times as you question what you did or didn't do wrong and try to second guess a situation."
so youre saying nsa is abnormal?

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By *un grey guyMan
over a year ago

leicester.


"Can we just talk about ghosting?

You know where someone, and I am not just talking here, messages and then suddenly goes quiet.

Have people just lost all manners? Why do people have to play games? If people aren’t interested just say it. Don’t go quiet and then make that person start to question what they did wrong, worrying that it’s something wrong with them.

Too many times this has happened to me and it’s really starting to knock my confidence and self esteem.

Sorry just needed to rant and get that out. "

Can’t really understand why anyone would do that. I find that very strange

But. Feel free to ghost me. At least I’d get someone’s attention

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"so youre saying nsa is abnormal? "

Not at all - I wouldn't be here if I thought it was, but in general terms it's not necessarily viewed that way by the majority.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Can we just talk about ghosting?

You know where someone, and I am not just talking here, messages and then suddenly goes quiet.

Have people just lost all manners? Why do people have to play games? If people aren’t interested just say it. Don’t go quiet and then make that person start to question what they did wrong, worrying that it’s something wrong with them.

Too many times this has happened to me and it’s really starting to knock my confidence and self esteem.

Sorry just needed to rant and get that out. "

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