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Cynical

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

As an offshoot of the PM threads and others recently, I've seen quite a few people discussing their initial encounters from here in a less than glowing light. I've also noticed other forumites become more blunt over time, which makes me wonder how many consider themselves more cynical as a result of fab.

Do you consider yourself so and if so, why? Do you find that it affects you in day to day life as well? If you're not, how do you guard against it?

Over to you fabbers...

Tea

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Fab makes me more cynical certainly, but in my case it was a good thing. I protect myself. I didn't always. It's helped me become more assertive in real life, I think.

I think I've become more open about myself on the forum over time but I try not to be indiscreet and any unsavoury descriptions tend to be vague enough that I hope they're not recognisable.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am definitely more cynical and less trusting, but I think it was down to being too naive in the first place and trying to believe all the bullshit people try and fill you with.

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By *rwhowhatwherewhyMan
over a year ago

Aylesbury

I've always been pretty cynical anyway, but fab has opened my eyes to what's out there more than anything.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't say I was more cynical, I've met enough good people to know they are out there and worth hanging around for.

I've always been quite good at reading people and their intentions so I am generally aware if someone is trying the usual fab bullshit with me, I wouldn't tar everyone with that same brush.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I've always been a cynic. Fab has opened my eyes to how exploitative some people can be and how disrespectful towards their loved ones.

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By *andonmessMan
over a year ago

A world all of his own

I've become more cynical as a result of life. Fab I take at face value so it doesn't really bother me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Defo more cynical.

I thought I was dead unlucky to have met someone as nasty as my ex, but the "behind the scenes" stuff I've been made aware of and experienced first hand has opened my eyes that actually, nastiness, game playing with peoples emotions and a whole host of other negative stuff is far wider spread and common than I thought.

Yes there are some truly wonderful and honest people, but there are some twisted ones too.

P

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I've always been pretty cynical anyway, but fab has opened my eyes to what's out there more than anything."

I can see your point, it's this 'eye opening' that I'm talking about really. Would you rather not have had them opened?

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry

Hasn't really impacted my cynicism to be honest.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Defo more cynical.

I thought I was dead unlucky to have met someone as nasty as my ex, but the "behind the scenes" stuff I've been made aware of and experienced first hand has opened my eyes that actually, nastiness, game playing with peoples emotions and a whole host of other negative stuff is far wider spread and common than I thought.

Yes there are some truly wonderful and honest people, but there are some twisted ones too.

P"

Yes... Don't even get me started on the 'behind the scenes' stuff!

Do you find though that your cynicism gets in the way of finding the good ones?

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"I've always been pretty cynical anyway, but fab has opened my eyes to what's out there more than anything.

I can see your point, it's this 'eye opening' that I'm talking about really. Would you rather not have had them opened? "

I'd rather the reality not be what it is, but failing that, I'd rather guard myself.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Fab makes me more cynical certainly, but in my case it was a good thing. I protect myself. I didn't always. It's helped me become more assertive in real life, I think.

I think I've become more open about myself on the forum over time but I try not to be indiscreet and any unsavoury descriptions tend to be vague enough that I hope they're not recognisable. "

I guess it's good that it has been a positive in your day to day life, do you find though that you have to mentally 'be' a certain way on fab?

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"Fab makes me more cynical certainly, but in my case it was a good thing. I protect myself. I didn't always. It's helped me become more assertive in real life, I think.

I think I've become more open about myself on the forum over time but I try not to be indiscreet and any unsavoury descriptions tend to be vague enough that I hope they're not recognisable.

I guess it's good that it has been a positive in your day to day life, do you find though that you have to mentally 'be' a certain way on fab? "

Oh definitely. I've had comments about how I differ from my persona.

My persona is still me, just one that is more immune to the crap that gets sent my way. Showing weakness here doesn't end well.

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

I have always been fairly cynical, fab however has greatly increased that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Am I cynical? Or am I realistic?

Not sure lol

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By *ertsguy2000Man
over a year ago

hertford

nearly Every time, and as rare as it is, that I get a message from a lady or couple, I I’m immediately thinking, this won’t go anywhere, it’s another school boy pretending to be someone they aren’t ...

Or you get the ladies who are just in it for the ego boost, get guys hanging on a string, or that’s how it feels at times

I always remain polite and kind, but it is a struggle at times, and seems to be getting worse

HG

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

What I found utterly astonishing was the lack of communication within relationships.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Defo more cynical.

I thought I was dead unlucky to have met someone as nasty as my ex, but the "behind the scenes" stuff I've been made aware of and experienced first hand has opened my eyes that actually, nastiness, game playing with peoples emotions and a whole host of other negative stuff is far wider spread and common than I thought.

Yes there are some truly wonderful and honest people, but there are some twisted ones too.

P

Yes... Don't even get me started on the 'behind the scenes' stuff!

Do you find though that your cynicism gets in the way of finding the good ones? "

Not necessarily in the way, but if defo takes an awful lot more time. I do a lot of watching and take mental notes of things that seem a little off, or may not quite add up. I used to think the straight talkers were arrogant, but I realise that they're the ones who aren't spinning any yarns or trying to impress. The "take me as I am" people who don't blow smoke up peoples arses to gain favour are the ones I tend to trust and who's opinions I value.

P

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By *rwhowhatwherewhyMan
over a year ago

Aylesbury


"I've always been pretty cynical anyway, but fab has opened my eyes to what's out there more than anything.

I can see your point, it's this 'eye opening' that I'm talking about really. Would you rather not have had them opened? "

I'd rather not be so ignorant about things really. Unless its sport, I'll be ignorant about sport until the hell freezes over

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Am I cynical? Or am I realistic?

Not sure lol"

I think of myself as realistic maybe cynically realistic would be the way to describe it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What I found utterly astonishing was the lack of communication within relationships. "

Yep! Can't get my head around it!

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By *hatYorkLadMan
over a year ago

York

I don't mind coming on here to chip in on threads or fab pics, but I've worked out that the chances of me meeting someone from here are slim to none so in that way I'm cynical. It's far easier for me to get what I'm looking for simply by going into town on a Friday or Saturday night and smiling at someone in a bar or nightclub.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I am definitely more cynical and less trusting, but I think it was down to being too naive in the first place and trying to believe all the bullshit people try and fill you with. "

It's a little sad that cynicism is necessary or that people are willing to tell people anything for sex.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Fab makes me more cynical certainly, but in my case it was a good thing. I protect myself. I didn't always. It's helped me become more assertive in real life, I think.

I think I've become more open about myself on the forum over time but I try not to be indiscreet and any unsavoury descriptions tend to be vague enough that I hope they're not recognisable.

I guess it's good that it has been a positive in your day to day life, do you find though that you have to mentally 'be' a certain way on fab?

Oh definitely. I've had comments about how I differ from my persona.

My persona is still me, just one that is more immune to the crap that gets sent my way. Showing weakness here doesn't end well. "

I'm not sure I necessarily agree, in certain situations it's true and I think that naivety will not end well but I've been open and vulnerable on here before and I've not been hurt by the outcome.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"I am definitely more cynical and less trusting, but I think it was down to being too naive in the first place and trying to believe all the bullshit people try and fill you with.

It's a little sad that cynicism is necessary or that people are willing to tell people anything for sex. "

That and there are some truly scary people out there. Unfortunately yes I do have to constantly wonder if my consent and safety are at risk. If someone will come barging into my vanilla life.

Can I be elusive and difficult to meet? Absolutely. But my life, my safety, etc, are a million times more important than orgasms. Most of my barriers are about that before they're about standards or amount of attention.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"Fab makes me more cynical certainly, but in my case it was a good thing. I protect myself. I didn't always. It's helped me become more assertive in real life, I think.

I think I've become more open about myself on the forum over time but I try not to be indiscreet and any unsavoury descriptions tend to be vague enough that I hope they're not recognisable.

I guess it's good that it has been a positive in your day to day life, do you find though that you have to mentally 'be' a certain way on fab?

Oh definitely. I've had comments about how I differ from my persona.

My persona is still me, just one that is more immune to the crap that gets sent my way. Showing weakness here doesn't end well.

I'm not sure I necessarily agree, in certain situations it's true and I think that naivety will not end well but I've been open and vulnerable on here before and I've not been hurt by the outcome. "

I see what you mean. We all have our own lines for this stuff.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Defo more cynical.

I thought I was dead unlucky to have met someone as nasty as my ex, but the "behind the scenes" stuff I've been made aware of and experienced first hand has opened my eyes that actually, nastiness, game playing with peoples emotions and a whole host of other negative stuff is far wider spread and common than I thought.

Yes there are some truly wonderful and honest people, but there are some twisted ones too.

P

Yes... Don't even get me started on the 'behind the scenes' stuff!

Do you find though that your cynicism gets in the way of finding the good ones?

Not necessarily in the way, but if defo takes an awful lot more time. I do a lot of watching and take mental notes of things that seem a little off, or may not quite add up. I used to think the straight talkers were arrogant, but I realise that they're the ones who aren't spinning any yarns or trying to impress. The "take me as I am" people who don't blow smoke up peoples arses to gain favour are the ones I tend to trust and who's opinions I value.

P"

I can see your point, there is an undeniable clarity about directness and its motives which you can rely on and believe. Do you think then that you're more ready to believe a negative post than a positive one?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I am definitely more cynical and less trusting, but I think it was down to being too naive in the first place and trying to believe all the bullshit people try and fill you with.

It's a little sad that cynicism is necessary or that people are willing to tell people anything for sex. "

Saddest thing is it ain't even always for sex, sometimes it's purely for popularity or to gain people who have their back so to speak, or in other cases to use others they befriend as a way in to get to a 3rd party whom that person may be mates with. There are loads of reason people might lie or make themselves out to be something they aren't and lots many will never really understand.

I know I've been flummoxed on many occasions

P

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I am definitely more cynical and less trusting, but I think it was down to being too naive in the first place and trying to believe all the bullshit people try and fill you with.

It's a little sad that cynicism is necessary or that people are willing to tell people anything for sex.

That and there are some truly scary people out there. Unfortunately yes I do have to constantly wonder if my consent and safety are at risk. If someone will come barging into my vanilla life.

Can I be elusive and difficult to meet? Absolutely. But my life, my safety, etc, are a million times more important than orgasms. Most of my barriers are about that before they're about standards or amount of attention. "

I 100% agree, personal safety is absolutely paramount and no promise of sexy time is ever worth compromising over.

I think it's more than just safety though, it's about trust and faith in other people, not just the ones we plan on meeting

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Defo more cynical.

I thought I was dead unlucky to have met someone as nasty as my ex, but the "behind the scenes" stuff I've been made aware of and experienced first hand has opened my eyes that actually, nastiness, game playing with peoples emotions and a whole host of other negative stuff is far wider spread and common than I thought.

Yes there are some truly wonderful and honest people, but there are some twisted ones too.

P

Yes... Don't even get me started on the 'behind the scenes' stuff!

Do you find though that your cynicism gets in the way of finding the good ones?

Not necessarily in the way, but if defo takes an awful lot more time. I do a lot of watching and take mental notes of things that seem a little off, or may not quite add up. I used to think the straight talkers were arrogant, but I realise that they're the ones who aren't spinning any yarns or trying to impress. The "take me as I am" people who don't blow smoke up peoples arses to gain favour are the ones I tend to trust and who's opinions I value.

P

I can see your point, there is an undeniable clarity about directness and its motives which you can rely on and believe. Do you think then that you're more ready to believe a negative post than a positive one? "

I wouldn't say so. I'm more likely to believe someone who I've noticed has been consistent, varied in both negativity and positivity and ready to hold their hands up and admit they're in the wrong when they are.

Those that may ask for advice or help - shows me they don't already believe they know all the answers and are always right.

P

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I am definitely more cynical and less trusting, but I think it was down to being too naive in the first place and trying to believe all the bullshit people try and fill you with.

It's a little sad that cynicism is necessary or that people are willing to tell people anything for sex.

Saddest thing is it ain't even always for sex, sometimes it's purely for popularity or to gain people who have their back so to speak, or in other cases to use others they befriend as a way in to get to a 3rd party whom that person may be mates with. There are loads of reason people might lie or make themselves out to be something they aren't and lots many will never really understand.

I know I've been flummoxed on many occasions

P"

Wheels within wheels and games within games! I guess as a guy I don't really see that sort of thing unless it's played out on the forums.

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

To strike a different note - I have always been a silver linings kind of person, and that hasn't changed since being on fab Definitely not cynical, but I guess more direct with people than I am in my day to day life, which I have found very liberating as I am by nature a people pleaser. There's a wonderful freedom in being able to speak plainly about what you're looking for. I find you're more likely to get what you want then

Mrs TMN x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I am definitely more cynical and less trusting, but I think it was down to being too naive in the first place and trying to believe all the bullshit people try and fill you with.

It's a little sad that cynicism is necessary or that people are willing to tell people anything for sex.

Saddest thing is it ain't even always for sex, sometimes it's purely for popularity or to gain people who have their back so to speak, or in other cases to use others they befriend as a way in to get to a 3rd party whom that person may be mates with. There are loads of reason people might lie or make themselves out to be something they aren't and lots many will never really understand.

I know I've been flummoxed on many occasions

P

Wheels within wheels and games within games! I guess as a guy I don't really see that sort of thing unless it's played out on the forums. "

It can be a minefield!

But for every few that causes you to lose a limb or give you a mind fuck there really are those who have such a huge impact on your life, and your world is a better place for having them in it.

P

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Defo more cynical.

I thought I was dead unlucky to have met someone as nasty as my ex, but the "behind the scenes" stuff I've been made aware of and experienced first hand has opened my eyes that actually, nastiness, game playing with peoples emotions and a whole host of other negative stuff is far wider spread and common than I thought.

Yes there are some truly wonderful and honest people, but there are some twisted ones too.

P

Yes... Don't even get me started on the 'behind the scenes' stuff!

Do you find though that your cynicism gets in the way of finding the good ones?

Not necessarily in the way, but if defo takes an awful lot more time. I do a lot of watching and take mental notes of things that seem a little off, or may not quite add up. I used to think the straight talkers were arrogant, but I realise that they're the ones who aren't spinning any yarns or trying to impress. The "take me as I am" people who don't blow smoke up peoples arses to gain favour are the ones I tend to trust and who's opinions I value.

P

I can see your point, there is an undeniable clarity about directness and its motives which you can rely on and believe. Do you think then that you're more ready to believe a negative post than a positive one?

I wouldn't say so. I'm more likely to believe someone who I've noticed has been consistent, varied in both negativity and positivity and ready to hold their hands up and admit they're in the wrong when they are.

Those that may ask for advice or help - shows me they don't already believe they know all the answers and are always right.

P"

I see what you mean, is that leading into the vulnerability that inaswing was talking about though?

Admitting that you don't know or have the answers can leave a person open to attack or ridicule at times, so might not often be in evidence?

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

I wouldn't say cynical as such, I've always been very much a realist and a pragmatist so they probably play into how I view the site - I don't automatically assume others are game playing, but know it happens and have seen it regularly and am very much aware of that as a result - it's one of the reasons I take my time getting to know people before meeting them to be sure we're on the same wavelength etc.

I don't think It's limited to Fab though, I've been on and off various on-line forums since the dawn of the internet, not all of them sex related, and you get the same character types regardless of the subject matter - the game players, the got to be most popular, the desperate for attention, the show offs etc but at the core you have the regular "I am me, take me or leave me" types who really are the lifeblood.

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By *loswingersCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

Peoples expectations are the reason they become cynical on here .

It really is down to the unrealistic expectations that so many have , and I stand by this 100%.

What so many people fail to understand is that we are all on a swinging site . Now I know that ( over the many years of being on here) there will be the usual lobby of folk who claim swinging can be anything you want it to be , but here's the thing . The very concept and definition of swinging is nsa sex with multiple people . Just as a loaf of bread is a loaf of bread , despite there being lots of varieties available , it’s still a loaf of bread .

So we never became cynical despite having met and played with well over a thousand people from this site alone . We never had any great expectations , we just went out for mutually enjoyable fun with other people and that’s what we got .

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.

I think I've gone the opposite way; when I first joined fab, I was cynical, mistrusting and disbelieving. I would find myself rolling my eyes a lot at particular things and would be incredibly vocal about those things that irritated me.

Now, through getting to know some people (like yourself Op I guess), I've found I can see how wonderful people can be and how delicate and needy we can be at all times.

That's not to say there are no twunts on here, there are and fuck

knows I can be judgemental about some negative behaviours shown on the fora but I've seen empathy and many other positive human traits on here and become softer as a result.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"To strike a different note - I have always been a silver linings kind of person, and that hasn't changed since being on fab Definitely not cynical, but I guess more direct with people than I am in my day to day life, which I have found very liberating as I am by nature a people pleaser. There's a wonderful freedom in being able to speak plainly about what you're looking for. I find you're more likely to get what you want then

Mrs TMN x "

That's very true and an interesting juxtapoint, do you think that's because of your situation as a couple or just who you are as a person?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Peoples expectations are the reason they become cynical on here .

It really is down to the unrealistic expectations that so many have , and I stand by this 100%.

What so many people fail to understand is that we are all on a swinging site . Now I know that ( over the many years of being on here) there will be the usual lobby of folk who claim swinging can be anything you want it to be , but here's the thing . The very concept and definition of swinging is nsa sex with multiple people . Just as a loaf of bread is a loaf of bread , despite there being lots of varieties available , it’s still a loaf of bread .

So we never became cynical despite having met and played with well over a thousand people from this site alone . We never had any great expectations , we just went out for mutually enjoyable fun with other people and that’s what we got . "

Unsurprisingly I disagree, I had no expectations from this site when I joined and still don't yet I've found myself more cynical as a result of my interactions nonetheless.

I would argue that your approach and not your expectations are what's kept you less cynical.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm more guarded since the first time I joined fab 4 years ago. I was far too open and trusting back then and unwittingly put myself into a position where someone was able to take advantage of that. A lesson learnt and all that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Defo more cynical.

I thought I was dead unlucky to have met someone as nasty as my ex, but the "behind the scenes" stuff I've been made aware of and experienced first hand has opened my eyes that actually, nastiness, game playing with peoples emotions and a whole host of other negative stuff is far wider spread and common than I thought.

Yes there are some truly wonderful and honest people, but there are some twisted ones too.

P

Yes... Don't even get me started on the 'behind the scenes' stuff!

Do you find though that your cynicism gets in the way of finding the good ones?

Not necessarily in the way, but if defo takes an awful lot more time. I do a lot of watching and take mental notes of things that seem a little off, or may not quite add up. I used to think the straight talkers were arrogant, but I realise that they're the ones who aren't spinning any yarns or trying to impress. The "take me as I am" people who don't blow smoke up peoples arses to gain favour are the ones I tend to trust and who's opinions I value.

P

I can see your point, there is an undeniable clarity about directness and its motives which you can rely on and believe. Do you think then that you're more ready to believe a negative post than a positive one?

I wouldn't say so. I'm more likely to believe someone who I've noticed has been consistent, varied in both negativity and positivity and ready to hold their hands up and admit they're in the wrong when they are.

Those that may ask for advice or help - shows me they don't already believe they know all the answers and are always right.

P

I see what you mean, is that leading into the vulnerability that inaswing was talking about though?

Admitting that you don't know or have the answers can leave a person open to attack or ridicule at times, so might not often be in evidence? "

I'm not sure. I think you can still admit to having vulnerability yet show that you are prepared to manage that vulnerability and protect yourself however you feel best. If anything I think it shows people you're human but you have self respect and awareness.

It may leave you open to attack I suppose, but also leaves you open to being in receipt of valuable advice and experiences others have had and learnt from. Everyone has to learn and most people are constantly learning through life. There's a difference between asking for advice on something that's new, painful, scary, exciting or in some cases life changing where people can relate and help, to asking whether someone thinks it's ok to kill their kids cat coz it shat on the new rug kinda thing. It's whether the advice is listened to or at least an effort to be understood that makes the difference whether ridicule happens.

P

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think I've gone the opposite way; when I first joined fab, I was cynical, mistrusting and disbelieving. I would find myself rolling my eyes a lot at particular things and would be incredibly vocal about those things that irritated me.

Now, through getting to know some people (like yourself Op I guess), I've found I can see how wonderful people can be and how delicate and needy we can be at all times.

That's not to say there are no twunts on here, there are and fuck

knows I can be judgemental about some negative behaviours shown on the fora but I've seen empathy and many other positive human traits on here and become softer as a result."

*warm fuzzy moment*

You only guess that knowing me has been positive? I'm a fucking delight!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fab has shown me a very ugly side of people and a very beautiful side.

Currently in hiding due to several racists messages from different white men on Saturday. (I have a preference that relates to me being in a long term mixed relationship)

Even the weird requests of this world get polite responses from me so I don't get why someone would feel the need to message me out of the blue just to throw abuse towards me, let alone a few of them in one day.

However those that I do interact with are all wonderful people.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.


"...I've seen empathy and many other positive human traits on here and become softer as a result.

*warm fuzzy moment*

You only guess that knowing me has been positive? I'm a fucking delight! "

Errrr...

I guess you're alright.

I just wanted to share a positive spin on things. I think I probably could and should be a bit more cynical but nope. People are flawed but the overall experience is what makes it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Cynicism doesn’t suit me. I tend to trust first until someone disappoints me. I prefer it that way. However I am very selective about who I trust in the first place. I have an intuitive sense of whether we’ll get on. I am pretty open as vulnerability doesn’t phase me at all. I have minimal trouble on Fab and can spot things and nip them in the bud now.

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By *ertsguy2000Man
over a year ago

hertford


"Fab has shown me a very ugly side of people and a very beautiful side.

Currently in hiding due to several racists messages from different white men on Saturday. (I have a preference that relates to me being in a long term mixed relationship)

Even the weird requests of this world get polite responses from me so I don't get why someone would feel the need to message me out of the blue just to throw abuse towards me, let alone a few of them in one day.

However those that I do interact with are all wonderful people.

"

That is f@&king outrageous, don’t you dare hide away, report them to admin, there small dicked ar@&holes can not be allowed to win by getting you hiding yourself away.

Name and shame and out the tossers

Any issues let me know x

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly


"To strike a different note - I have always been a silver linings kind of person, and that hasn't changed since being on fab Definitely not cynical, but I guess more direct with people than I am in my day to day life, which I have found very liberating as I am by nature a people pleaser. There's a wonderful freedom in being able to speak plainly about what you're looking for. I find you're more likely to get what you want then

Mrs TMN x

That's very true and an interesting juxtapoint, do you think that's because of your situation as a couple or just who you are as a person? "

I think it's a lot to do with my personality, but also as a couple I love Mr's reaction to me and the way I approach fab encounters. This in turn bolsters my confidence so it becomes a virtuous circle

If anything, the forums can make me feel more cynical on occasion - as is human nature, people can be cruel and judgemental. For me the balance is still on the positive side of the scale though - plenty good people out there!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

I'm not sure. I think you can still admit to having vulnerability yet show that you are prepared to manage that vulnerability and protect yourself however you feel best. If anything I think it shows people you're human but you have self respect and awareness.

It may leave you open to attack I suppose, but also leaves you open to being in receipt of valuable advice and experiences others have had and learnt from. Everyone has to learn and most people are constantly learning through life. There's a difference between asking for advice on something that's new, painful, scary, exciting or in some cases life changing where people can relate and help, to asking whether someone thinks it's ok to kill their kids cat coz it shat on the new rug kinda thing. It's whether the advice is listened to or at least an effort to be understood that makes the difference whether ridicule happens.

P

"

I agree with you completely and I think you've pretty much summed up how I approach things here. The words hard vulnerability spring to mind, rather an odd way of behaving I guess!

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly


"Cynicism doesn’t suit me. I tend to trust first until someone disappoints me. I prefer it that way. However I am very selective about who I trust in the first place. I have an intuitive sense of whether we’ll get on. I am pretty open as vulnerability doesn’t phase me at all. I have minimal trouble on Fab and can spot things and nip them in the bud now."

Yes! All of this

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Fab has shown me a very ugly side of people and a very beautiful side.

Currently in hiding due to several racists messages from different white men on Saturday. (I have a preference that relates to me being in a long term mixed relationship)

Even the weird requests of this world get polite responses from me so I don't get why someone would feel the need to message me out of the blue just to throw abuse towards me, let alone a few of them in one day.

However those that I do interact with are all wonderful people.

"

That's awful and I guess a case in point as to how and why a person would be hardened.

I'm sorry that you had to experience that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As an offshoot of the PM threads and others recently, I've seen quite a few people discussing their initial encounters from here in a less than glowing light. I've also noticed other forumites become more blunt over time, which makes me wonder how many consider themselves more cynical as a result of fab.

Do you consider yourself so and if so, why? Do you find that it affects you in day to day life as well? If you're not, how do you guard against it?

Over to you fabbers...

Tea"
nope I can only be me, theirs always been weird people, aggressive people, judgemental people they are all the facets of life, deal with each as they come at you

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"...I've seen empathy and many other positive human traits on here and become softer as a result.

*warm fuzzy moment*

You only guess that knowing me has been positive? I'm a fucking delight!

Errrr...

I guess you're alright.

I just wanted to share a positive spin on things. I think I probably could and should be a bit more cynical but nope. People are flawed but the overall experience is what makes it."

I know we've discussed this sort of thing at length in the past and your unwavering ability to see the good in people is genuinely a wonder to me.

Perhaps that's part of the 'answer'; whereas I often take the stance of 'people are twats, prove me wrong,' you take the alternate 'people are great, prove me right,'

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"To strike a different note - I have always been a silver linings kind of person, and that hasn't changed since being on fab Definitely not cynical, but I guess more direct with people than I am in my day to day life, which I have found very liberating as I am by nature a people pleaser. There's a wonderful freedom in being able to speak plainly about what you're looking for. I find you're more likely to get what you want then

Mrs TMN x

That's very true and an interesting juxtapoint, do you think that's because of your situation as a couple or just who you are as a person?

I think it's a lot to do with my personality, but also as a couple I love Mr's reaction to me and the way I approach fab encounters. This in turn bolsters my confidence so it becomes a virtuous circle

If anything, the forums can make me feel more cynical on occasion - as is human nature, people can be cruel and judgemental. For me the balance is still on the positive side of the scale though - plenty good people out there! "

That's really good to hear! I guess you're both doing something right!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

I'm not sure. I think you can still admit to having vulnerability yet show that you are prepared to manage that vulnerability and protect yourself however you feel best. If anything I think it shows people you're human but you have self respect and awareness.

It may leave you open to attack I suppose, but also leaves you open to being in receipt of valuable advice and experiences others have had and learnt from. Everyone has to learn and most people are constantly learning through life. There's a difference between asking for advice on something that's new, painful, scary, exciting or in some cases life changing where people can relate and help, to asking whether someone thinks it's ok to kill their kids cat coz it shat on the new rug kinda thing. It's whether the advice is listened to or at least an effort to be understood that makes the difference whether ridicule happens.

P

I agree with you completely and I think you've pretty much summed up how I approach things here. The words hard vulnerability spring to mind, rather an odd way of behaving I guess! "

Well that's how I see it, we're a fledgling couple, therefore I feel we're automatically more vulnerable than those who know each other inside out and have been doing this for a very long time. All new couples are gonna face challenges whether they swing or not, because they're learning and finding their way.

Yes we'll invite people into our relationship and open up that vulnerability to them, but only those who clearly respect our relationship, want to see us succeed, have our happy ever after and who have our best interests at heart.

Those who don't fit that bill, display signs that things may not be all they seem, or simply have a certain "vibe" well, they won't be privy to that. They'll know about it yes, but won't have the chance to get close to it. Those that we do let in will soon have the door slammed firmly shut if things don't seem right.

P

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I'm more guarded since the first time I joined fab 4 years ago. I was far too open and trusting back then and unwittingly put myself into a position where someone was able to take advantage of that. A lesson learnt and all that. "

Do you think that being more guarded is a conscious and a welcome change from how you were before or is it something that has hindered you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Fab has shown me a very ugly side of people and a very beautiful side.

Currently in hiding due to several racists messages from different white men on Saturday. (I have a preference that relates to me being in a long term mixed relationship)

Even the weird requests of this world get polite responses from me so I don't get why someone would feel the need to message me out of the blue just to throw abuse towards me, let alone a few of them in one day.

However those that I do interact with are all wonderful people.

That is f@&king outrageous, don’t you dare hide away, report them to admin, there small dicked ar@&holes can not be allowed to win by getting you hiding yourself away.

Name and shame and out the tossers

Any issues let me know x"

All have been reported and blocked with details of why to admin.

I'll come out of hiding soon enough bit right now I'm staying in my little corner of hide and seek.

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly


"To strike a different note - I have always been a silver linings kind of person, and that hasn't changed since being on fab Definitely not cynical, but I guess more direct with people than I am in my day to day life, which I have found very liberating as I am by nature a people pleaser. There's a wonderful freedom in being able to speak plainly about what you're looking for. I find you're more likely to get what you want then

Mrs TMN x

That's very true and an interesting juxtapoint, do you think that's because of your situation as a couple or just who you are as a person?

I think it's a lot to do with my personality, but also as a couple I love Mr's reaction to me and the way I approach fab encounters. This in turn bolsters my confidence so it becomes a virtuous circle

If anything, the forums can make me feel more cynical on occasion - as is human nature, people can be cruel and judgemental. For me the balance is still on the positive side of the scale though - plenty good people out there!

That's really good to hear! I guess you're both doing something right! "

Well so far so good!

As has been mentioned further up the thread, open communication is absolutely critical. Having both been in long term relationships previously where lack of a communication was a major factor in their breakdown, it's something we work very hard at within our relationship in any case, which has paid dividends when it comes to swinging.

I have found myself chatting with some people who have sent us massively misjudged messages, trying to understand where they're coming from and, sometimes, what the hell they were thinking when they typed that... with the odd exception, we have found most people to be misguided rather than straight up cocknobbins

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Fab has shown me a very ugly side of people and a very beautiful side.

Currently in hiding due to several racists messages from different white men on Saturday. (I have a preference that relates to me being in a long term mixed relationship)

Even the weird requests of this world get polite responses from me so I don't get why someone would feel the need to message me out of the blue just to throw abuse towards me, let alone a few of them in one day.

However those that I do interact with are all wonderful people.

That's awful and I guess a case in point as to how and why a person would be hardened.

I'm sorry that you had to experience that. "

Unfortunately we all have different views of the world and I don't agree with abusing or belittling others because they chose a different path to my own, even rasist. Their view is different to mine. I don't agree with them in he slightest, they do have the right to their own opinion, as much as I have the right to disagree and report and block them. Unless their in Germany, the then they do not have the right to be racists legally speaking. They have the right to hold their opinion in a prison cell over there.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Fab has shown me a very ugly side of people and a very beautiful side.

Currently in hiding due to several racists messages from different white men on Saturday. (I have a preference that relates to me being in a long term mixed relationship)

Even the weird requests of this world get polite responses from me so I don't get why someone would feel the need to message me out of the blue just to throw abuse towards me, let alone a few of them in one day.

However those that I do interact with are all wonderful people.

That's awful and I guess a case in point as to how and why a person would be hardened.

I'm sorry that you had to experience that.

Unfortunately we all have different views of the world and I don't agree with abusing or belittling others because they chose a different path to my own, even rasist. Their view is different to mine. I don't agree with them in he slightest, they do have the right to their own opinion, as much as I have the right to disagree and report and block them. Unless their in Germany, the then they do not have the right to be racists legally speaking. They have the right to hold their opinion in a prison cell over there.

"

Digressing wildly; people are free to hold whatever views they wish, they are not however exempt from the repercussions of those views.

An awful lot of people seem to assume that freedom of speech is an all access pass to hateful rhetoric, it's not. Others are just as free to react negatively to those words and for those words to be used in judgement and lawful recrimination.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was wary before this site, due to being on other sites before. Many people will say anything for a fuck.

The beauty about being on here is they are much more open about it. On other sites or in the real world they glitter it up as something else.

This site has made me see more good in people. Even the 'faf' ones are nice people if you treat them with respect.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fed up by being let down by ladies who keeps advert themselves as sucking device but they all lose their suction power after few hours of sucking me div!

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By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

I’m probably the opposite of cynical. I mostly think the best of people and assume they are genuine. It’s only after a while if things don’t add up that I get sceptical. But I’ve not had many bad experiences tbh.

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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

..

On here I am cynical. I see, hear, read and know too much not to be. I think that possibly happens over time. I didn’t have this issue before I came onto the forums and I do find it easier to interact away from the forums.

I have possibly been a bit naive but after one experience it changed my whole perception. That makes me sound bitter and I’m

not that but I’ve come to realise that not everyone is not as nice or well intentioned as I would hope they are.

I shall still carry on doing things in my own little way but there will always be a note of caution hanging around in the back of my mind now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"On here I am cynical. I see, hear, read and know too much not to be. I think that possibly happens over time. I didn’t have this issue before I came onto the forums and I do find it easier to interact away from the forums.

I have possibly been a bit naive but after one experience it changed my whole perception. That makes me sound bitter and I’m

not that but I’ve come to realise that not everyone is not as nice or well intentioned as I would hope they are.

I shall still carry on wanking in my car in my own little way but there will always be a note of caution hanging around in the back of my mind now. "

Well said. Especially the last bit about wanking in your car

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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

..


"On here I am cynical. I see, hear, read and know too much not to be. I think that possibly happens over time. I didn’t have this issue before I came onto the forums and I do find it easier to interact away from the forums.

I have possibly been a bit naive but after one experience it changed my whole perception. That makes me sound bitter and I’m

not that but I’ve come to realise that not everyone is not as nice or well intentioned as I would hope they are.

I shall still carry on wanking in my car in my own little way but there will always be a note of caution hanging around in the back of my mind now.

Well said. Especially the last bit about wanking in your car "

You know me so well

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"On here I am cynical. I see, hear, read and know too much not to be. I think that possibly happens over time. I didn’t have this issue before I came onto the forums and I do find it easier to interact away from the forums.

I have possibly been a bit naive but after one experience it changed my whole perception. That makes me sound bitter and I’m

not that but I’ve come to realise that not everyone is not as nice or well intentioned as I would hope they are.

I shall still carry on wanking in my car in my own little way but there will always be a note of caution hanging around in the back of my mind now.

Well said. Especially the last bit about wanking in your car

You know me so well "

Not enough apparently

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The one thing that really peeved me off was ..is ..the amount of timewasting string a longers who promised to meet after weeks of chatting..,ld take time off work cause it suited them better for a Morning/daytime meet.. drive to destination ,over an hour away mostly ,then ..a no show .then get the crappiest excuse ever why they couldn't meet... whereas they never had any intension of meeting in the 1st place ...just string a guy along for their amusement or their ego...so now l have a rule of thumb that if l get chatting to a lady and keep her Interested a week of chatting is enough to arrange a meet..if shes genuinely interested in meeting ,she will or at least give the earliest date she can ..if not ..it was never her intention to..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fab hasn't made me any more cynical than I was already.. what it has made me is wary of placing my trust in the wrong hands, as there are far too many mercinary nutjobs on here who will say what they think you want to hear to get what they want... saddos

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By *loswingersCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester


"I was wary before this site, due to being on other sites before. Many people will say anything for a fuck.

The beauty about being on here is they are much more open about it. On other sites or in the real world they glitter it up as something else.

This site has made me see more good in people. Even the 'faf' ones are nice people if you treat them with respect. "

Absolutely spot on as ever

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

Fab hasn't made me cynical. My expectations when I joined was to meet people I fancied ,to have sex with.

That's what I've spent the last two years doing.

I didn't think I was going to meet Prince/Princess Charming or have Mensa level conversation.

I'm worldly enough to realise that in any cross section of the public you'll come across a small proportion of fruitcakes and fruit bats.

I've not let that colour my experience.

It's been fun, mainly because I've concentrated in the positives.

Works for me

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