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Shyness

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By *punkymonkey40 OP   Man
over a year ago

derby

Not been on fab for awhile been sorting my life out a little and starting a full time job (from part-time) takes a lot of energy.

I have been for councilling mostly about my late father and other things, like my low confidence and self-esteem. Instead of talking and focusing on todays issues I wanted to dig to the root of it all to my childhood and being bullied at school and being an only child. With doing this opened up a whole new point of view that I not seen before. All my life I been saying I am shy and even though people say I am not I still would say I am, but after re-looking at my life I come realise it was me from childhood thinking and telling myself over the years that I am shy..that now has an adult believe I am shy. Now I must get out the habbit of saying I am shy. And this I hope will boost my confidence.

To go to a club or meet celebrities and talk to them, or talk to people in any of my work places (doing cover work has a cleaner) is not something I am sure a very shy person would cope with very well.

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

I always thought I was shy, but same as you when I thought about it I realised it was mostly because people always said I was shy as a kid so believed it ....that followed me into my 30s and then I realised it's harder being shy that just getting on with it! You can kind of get away with being a shy kid, but a shy adult (on a job that is public facing) is a bit ridiculous!

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By *punkymonkey40 OP   Man
over a year ago

derby

Glad I am not the only one, i think it's a form of brainwashing only I was brainwashing myself. I guess in the same way kids bully other kids and call them fat..once you have that in your head and you think you are fat it stays with you. My bullying was more verbally then physical..but this in the long I think had a more damaging effect. And after much talking and deep thoughts about it it made more sense now, sure my confidence is still low sometimes yes i do go to the the club but there has been many times the (inner child) talking myself out of going. I tend to go when it's a last min thing and not given it much time to change my mind..so it's a mind over matter.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

We perpetuate much of our life script through repetitive reassembly of what was just a limited and distorted perception of ourselves that was often comfortable for other people. Over time, we 'brainwash' ourselves, with a distorted obsession upon whatever may reinforce our earlier set of instructions from others.

We're complex animals but often stick to a simple, repetitive routine in life, as this helps free attention and energy for other things.

Labels such as shy may reflect some of our behavioural repertoire but often it will not truly represent our much fuller self. Our self-beliefs may limit us, including what we're prepared to consider possible or right. Our beliefs, behavior, skills etc are all fluid and in any event are not the same thing as who we are.

It's good that you are sensing more of what is possible for you op. We often don't need to put much emphasis on what has been less helpfully done for us, once we reach the point where we just know it's now wrong.

In your own time you can now be feeling more free, from an old trap that you got served with. Each step that we take in life is a little different to those we ever took before. I feel positive about you now having more choice about your journey.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

I've just seen that we've both used the brainwashing concept as relevant

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think confidence comes in many forms. The best of which comes through trying, failing and trying again regardless.

Years of epic failure teach you nothing is quite as scary as fear itself.

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London


"Not been on fab for awhile been sorting my life out a little and starting a full time job (from part-time) takes a lot of energy.

I have been for councilling mostly about my late father and other things, like my low confidence and self-esteem. Instead of talking and focusing on todays issues I wanted to dig to the root of it all to my childhood and being bullied at school and being an only child. With doing this opened up a whole new point of view that I not seen before. All my life I been saying I am shy and even though people say I am not I still would say I am, but after re-looking at my life I come realise it was me from childhood thinking and telling myself over the years that I am shy..that now has an adult believe I am shy. Now I must get out the habbit of saying I am shy. And this I hope will boost my confidence.

To go to a club or meet celebrities and talk to them, or talk to people in any of my work places (doing cover work has a cleaner) is not something I am sure a very shy person would cope with very well. "

Reflecting on our narratives is vital. And how we use them (both truthful ones and the false ones) as excuses for things we do or don’t do or expectations of how others should treat us.

Hope all goes well as you live your non-shy life going forward, OP.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Nothing to do with shyness but ive only just admitted that something deep rooted from my childhood has affected all my decisions. I didnt go to councilling but it took me two years to go through my whole life in my head and accept it. I dont like that its impacted my whole life. It all started when someone else could see it and i couldnt

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By *punkymonkey40 OP   Man
over a year ago

derby

Once I realised after the sessions had come to end it did feel like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, and from then on when ever I write a profile or message I never put (I am shy) it's all mind over matter, now just to get over my anxiety which I didn't know I had (lip biting and jelly legs)

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