FabSwingers.com forum: Single parenting

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Ok guys, be gentle, I never post personal relationship things. Some don't think this is the place for serious things and I get it, but I'm only human.

My home life situ is about to change drastically in the coming months. Daunted about being a single parent and keeping a home and children on one average income. I know I have got this and I will manage somehow, but I would like to know with the cost of living being so high and even on my full time wage, how do the single ones of you do it????

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't speak for your individual circumstance but I know that quite a few juggle childcare with parents and exs, working families are also a help and various other tax aids.

Have you thought about going to the CAB? They can direct you to help easily as they deal with this regularly.

Beyond that, I can only empathise. It is hard, especially when it's such a big change, asking for help is never a bad thing. I hope it works out well for you.

Tea

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I can't speak for your individual circumstance but I know that quite a few juggle childcare with parents and exs, working families are also a help and various other tax aids.

Have you thought about going to the CAB? They can direct you to help easily as they deal with this regularly.

Beyond that, I can only empathise. It is hard, especially when it's such a big change, asking for help is never a bad thing. I hope it works out well for you.

Tea"

Yeah I was thinking of going next week when I have some time off work. It's the uncertainty at the moment of not knowing exactly how things are going to change for us or how we will work things, I don't know how people come to terms with the end of a marriage and drastic circumstance changes all at once

It helps that Every thing is very civilised and amicable atleast xxx

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

I did it from 1986. It was fucking difficult at times, we were properly homeless at one point through no fault of my own and I did it without any family support.

You, like me and all of us, will do it because you have no choice but to do it and my guess from your question is that you will do it very well, because you care and are thinking ahead.

You will sob in your hands in dispair at night and sob with pride at the achievements they and you will make.

Never be afraid to ask for help, find out what support you are entitled to and make sure your children aspire.

We went from homeless to successful careers with disposable income and choices. My son is in politics and doing a masters, my daughter is in banking and I’ve just retired from the NHS.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've did it for 4 years. I'm sure you will be entitled to some benefits i.e. universal credits, council tax discount, help with childcare if you are on a low income.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I did it from 1986. It was fucking difficult at times, we were properly homeless at one point through no fault of my own and I did it without any family support.

You, like me and all of us, will do it because you have no choice but to do it and my guess from your question is that you will do it very well, because you care and are thinking ahead.

You will sob in your hands in dispair at night and sob with pride at the achievements they and you will make.

Never be afraid to ask for help, find out what support you are entitled to and make sure your children aspire.

We went from homeless to successful careers with disposable income and choices. My son is in politics and doing a masters, my daughter is in banking and I’ve just retired from the NHS. "

Thank you! I am so proud of my 4 already. You did such a good job with yours evidently, hope I can do the same

glad you came through those challenges xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have a look on Money Saving Expert website. There's a benefits calculator that may help. See if there's anything you can claim.

If you have a mortgage see if you can get a cheaper deal.

Speak to the kids' mates parents and see if they fancy taking it in turns babysitting so you can go out.

Maybe join or start a single parents group.

If you're getting divorced have a look at the online service. It's cheaper than solicitors. Also look up financial orders so you make an agreement and can get a definite financial break.

And chin up, if it's all amicable that's really good.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Have a look on Money Saving Expert website. There's a benefits calculator that may help. See if there's anything you can claim.

If you have a mortgage see if you can get a cheaper deal.

Speak to the kids' mates parents and see if they fancy taking it in turns babysitting so you can go out.

Maybe join or start a single parents group.

If you're getting divorced have a look at the online service. It's cheaper than solicitors. Also look up financial orders so you make an agreement and can get a definite financial break.

And chin up, if it's all amicable that's really good.

Whoever stays in our house gets a really good deal, our mortgage is really low compared to rent of a 4 bed house!! I don't know how people afford it. One of us is going to have to leave and I don't want either of us in a bad financial situation but hopefully we can come to some agreement between us who ever stays in our home. It's still early days and we are waiting for the weekend for a night to talk about everything.

You are amazing though, thanks for all that!! Xxx

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By *he Mac LassWoman
over a year ago

Hefty Hideaway

This time last year I was in the same position. It’s really bloody scary knowing such big change is about to happen. As stated you cope, you manage and you move forward. I echo with others to check your entitlements. I work full time and tax credits have saved me. Work out a budget and stick to it. Let the kids know that there won’t be any mad splurges until you work out what you can afford.

A year on I’m very happy. My daughter is happier too. I honestly wouldn’t change a thing. Good luck to you and yours. You’ll be fine x

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By *nmkinkCouple
over a year ago

Birmingham

It's not easy bit a lot of that comes from the uncertainty and change, once you bet in your groove you'll walk your journey with your head up.

As it's amicable you're in a great place to start. You'll hopefully be able to keep most if the support network around your family already.

I found CAB not very helpful at the beginning because things were so uncertain,I found the charity Gingerbread way more useful. They cover all kinds of things from money and benefits, the impact on you and your kids etc they're wonderful, and once you're on the phone you can stay there as long as you need to get through things. Child Law Advice were also brilliant as you can get legal advice for free and can even help draft contact agreements etc for free.

Lean on your friends, that's what friendship is for.

You'll have hard days. Days when you don't want to get out of bed, times when you question the decision, remember all of that is ok, you're human, it hurts just dont stay there. Keep moving on your journey.

Always got an ear if it's easier to vent to a stranger.

Hard, yes. Impossible, no. You've got this, and your support system will have you xx

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By *ondon lad 44Man
over a year ago

swindon

"I did it from 1986. It was fucking difficult at times, we were properly homeless at one point through no fault of my own and I did it without any family support.

You, like me and all of us, will do it because you have no choice but to do it and my guess from your question is that you will do it very well, because you care and are thinking ahead.

Well done u great achievement. Admired , never give up Moto x

You will sob in your hands in dispair at night and sob with pride at the achievements they and you will make.

Never be afraid to ask for help, find out what support you are entitled to and make sure your children aspire.

We went from homeless to successful careers with disposable income and choices. My son is in politics and doing a masters, my daughter is in banking and I’ve just retired from the NHS. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ok guys, be gentle, I never post personal relationship things. Some don't think this is the place for serious things and I get it, but I'm only human.

I completely empathise with your situation. After 20yrs in a relationship I found myself in the same boat. Its bloooooody hard. All my savings have now gone and its depressing that in effect my wages are already spent. Anything that others take for granted, that I had previously taken for granted, I have to save for months in advance. Even something like going for drinks with friends I have to save for. This is why NHS privatision is a terrible idea. Depending on the illness, its the difference between paying for treatment and eating. Bevan would indeed weep! But hey, that's another thread

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I did it from 1986. It was fucking difficult at times, we were properly homeless at one point through no fault of my own and I did it without any family support.

You, like me and all of us, will do it because you have no choice but to do it and my guess from your question is that you will do it very well, because you care and are thinking ahead.

You will sob in your hands in dispair at night and sob with pride at the achievements they and you will make.

Never be afraid to ask for help, find out what support you are entitled to and make sure your children aspire.

We went from homeless to successful careers with disposable income and choices. My son is in politics and doing a masters, my daughter is in banking and I’ve just retired from the NHS. "

Love love love this!

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry

It's not easy. Personally I've found myself feeling guilty a lot, mainly that I don't have enough quality time with the kids and that sometimes you get things wrong or just don't have enough time and resources. I find as a working single parent to two young children is simply don't have enough time. I'm always busy with work or busy administrating the household/house work. So yes Im around the kids a lot but I feel guilty I never have much time to just enjoy with them or play with them. And most of the time I'm just knackered.

But what I'm starting to do is learn to forgive my self a bit and realise I'm a good dad who can only do the best he can with the resourses and hours in the day he's got. I can't be perfect, sometimes I forget things or not always on top of the house work. But I am one guy. The main thing is the kids are loved (beyond measure), safe and have my best. But it is hard because your love and hope for them sometimes puts unrealistic expectations on you. So my advise (although I find difficult my self to take) is be easy on your self. Also long as your home is full of love the rest will work out ok.

I would also say never be afraid of asking for help now and then. If you have good freinds and family it make life better. And however hard and down it can get sometimes remember it's a dam site better than living without your kids at home. It's a slog but it's worth it.

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By *llaboutthewifeCouple
over a year ago

Cardiff

"It's not easy. Personally I've found myself feeling guilty a lot, mainly that I don't have enough quality time with the kids and that sometimes you get things wrong or just don't have enough time and resources. I find as a working single parent to two young children is simply don't have enough time. I'm always busy with work or busy administrating the household/house work. So yes Im around the kids a lot but I feel guilty I never have much time to just enjoy with them or play with them. And most of the time I'm just knackered.

Lovely post. Just want to make you feel bit better, even when there are two of you you feel this. It's just part of parenting, we beat ourselves up over everything and feel guilty all the time.

You are doing an amazing job

Jo x

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