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By *he_original_polo OP   Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

How important to you is discretion and what are your expectations of discretion?

For example…… does being discreet mean a meet not turning up at your door wearing a gimp mask and carrying a leather studded paddle on a Sunday afternoon whilst the neighbours are out washing their cars?

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By *_and_MCouple
over a year ago

kings lynn

Love this as we are having our first small party this week! I think discretion is very very important and respectful for your hosts as well...we don't all live at the end of long drives in the middle of the country!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In swinging it means not alerting people that you've played with a particular person/couple, or that you know something about them that you've discovered/been told and you keep it to yourself. It also means that if you see them in the supermarket you don't yell across the deli counter "Hey, wishy, Nice meeting ya the other night, your wife's tits are to die for!"

Generally, don't tell/do anything that you yourself would find acutely embarrassing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its all about blending in if someone visits or we visit someone. You talk, explain the situation or listen and follow requests.

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By *he_original_polo OP   Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

Would you be OK finding out one of your meets was ranking you against other meets and sharing the leaderboard information with others.

Would it be worse if you found out you didn't make top 10 in any of the activities?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Would you be OK finding out one of your meets was ranking you against other meets and sharing the leaderboard information with others.

Would it be worse if you found out you didn't make top 10 in any of the activities?"

We had that once. A couple we thought we got on ok with gave us a 7/10. They'd ranked all their meets against their respective names in their contacts in hotmail and then mass emailed everyone. They didn't even bcc it so everyone could see what marks the others got.

They were deleted forthwith.

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By *_and_MCouple
over a year ago

kings lynn

Thats just bad manners...everyone has meets that are not as good as others but thats just the way it. Kiss & tell is bad form

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By *he_original_polo OP   Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

What about singles showing photos of someone they have met?

Does the type of photo make a difference or who it is shown to?...

A face pic?

A body shot?

Shown to another swinger?

Shown to a few of their facebook mates and told them you were dating?

Shown to the guy in the chip shop who looks a tad like Elvis?

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By *he_original_polo OP   Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester


"Would you be OK finding out one of your meets was ranking you against other meets and sharing the leaderboard information with others.

Would it be worse if you found out you didn't make top 10 in any of the activities?

We had that once. A couple we thought we got on ok with gave us a 7/10. They'd ranked all their meets against their respective names in their contacts in hotmail and then mass emailed everyone. They didn't even bcc it so everyone could see what marks the others got.

They were deleted forthwith. "

Would you have still deleted if you had got a 10?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A lot of what ifs there, what if someone sells your phone number on, what if someone gives your address away, what if they take a dna sample. You could go on for ever.

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By *he_original_polo OP   Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester


"A lot of what ifs there, what if someone sells your phone number on, what if someone gives your address away, what if they take a dna sample. You could go on for ever. "

Yeah I know

Yet the subject of discretion is often covered in a few words on profiles.... not that a profile needs to cover every 'what if'.

I guess I want to encourage more discussion than answers of "a lot".

How people turn up?

What they can share?

What they can show?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i once showed up at a guy's house wearing a business suit and carrying a clipboard, as i knew he was selling his house. took measurements of the garden and everything.

i think we got away with it!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Would you be OK finding out one of your meets was ranking you against other meets and sharing the leaderboard information with others.

Would it be worse if you found out you didn't make top 10 in any of the activities?

We had that once. A couple we thought we got on ok with gave us a 7/10. They'd ranked all their meets against their respective names in their contacts in hotmail and then mass emailed everyone. They didn't even bcc it so everyone could see what marks the others got.

They were deleted forthwith.

Would you have still deleted if you had got a 10?"

Yes, it wasn't that they'd graded us - everyone's entitled to their own opinion - it's more to do with that fact that we - and all their other contacts - found out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A lot of what ifs there, what if someone sells your phone number on, what if someone gives your address away, what if they take a dna sample. You could go on for ever.

Yeah I know

Yet the subject of discretion is often covered in a few words on profiles.... not that a profile needs to cover every 'what if'.

I guess I want to encourage more discussion than answers of "a lot".

How people turn up?

What they can share?

What they can show?"

I agree it could be a never ending list as everyone has a different idea of what it means. I smile when you get someone who says discretion assured then send a picture with other people in.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

the one thing that makes me apoplectic is when I see people offering to show pics of their gf or wife to any one for a wank....

and often the gf/wife have no idea pics of them are being shown for a cheap tug.

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By *he_original_polo OP   Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

Ooowww good point View... one which puts me of are the photos of the 'ex'.

When you question the bareback action photos on a profile it always seems to be of an 'ex'....... who was never on the site. I somehow doubt they have permission to use the photos

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

got too be carfull hear ,i met this guy who at first was great discreat ,then he would show uninvited ,call at all times ,even when i checked him for it ,he was sitting outside my house and texing telling me he was wanting a meet ,he was married ,it only stoped when i said i followed him home and i was going to start harising him like he was me,,so be carfull ,, when i have being invited to someones house i have been the soul of discretion and came with a tool box or a few folders apearing to his nabours as a handy man or a cold caller

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

discretion for us, means respecting the other parties wishes on what happens, before, during and after the meet..

if they want us to turn up in plain clothes and get changed there, no problem,, if they dont want us to make too much noise because of the neighbours.. well we would invite them round ours lol... and if they wanted us not to show any pictures we might have taken to anyone else after the meet we wouldn't... we certainly wouldn't go shouting around the supermarket etc...

discretion is definitely one of those words that means something different to everyone i think..

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By *laggieWoman
over a year ago

Derby

My _iew is that there is not enough 'respect' shown by enough people. This would include being appropriately discreet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Would you be OK finding out one of your meets was ranking you against other meets and sharing the leaderboard information with others.

Would it be worse if you found out you didn't make top 10 in any of the activities?

We had that once. A couple we thought we got on ok with gave us a 7/10. They'd ranked all their meets against their respective names in their contacts in hotmail and then mass emailed everyone. They didn't even bcc it so everyone could see what marks the others got.

They were deleted forthwith.

Would you have still deleted if you had got a 10?

Yes, it wasn't that they'd graded us - everyone's entitled to their own opinion - it's more to do with that fact that we - and all their other contacts - found out. "

I'd be very annoyed if someone did that. Who are they to judge? If it was for their personal use fair enough, but to publicise it like that.

Sounds like you were in their own edition of X-Fuckedher!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some men who visit me say, dont you worry about what the neighbours say about different men coming to our house, i say no, i dont care what other people think. I would prefer the men i meet not to talk about me, but then again what you dont hear cant hurt you. You might think someone you meet is nice, but you dont know what they might be saying about you behind your back. I dont tell anyone about the men i meet, only my hubby.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

It doesnt bother me if people know who ive been with, Jay knows who ive met. What i would never do is tell someone intimate details about a meet. Never mention what ive done on a meet to jay even, i might randomly say something but what i and that other person does is between us

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By *ovedupstillCouple
over a year ago

mullinwire

what about comparing notes an a mutual meet while in the 'social' stage of a meet with a couple?

we have done this and had a right laugh as the couple in question did exactly the same things with us both, to the letter, and seemingly in the same order too lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What about singles showing photos of someone they have met?

Does the type of photo make a difference or who it is shown to?...

A face pic?

A body shot?

Shown to another swinger?

Shown to a few of their facebook mates and told them you were dating?

Shown to the guy in the chip shop who looks a tad like Elvis?"

showing photos off isnt being discreet lol,

and if you do take any photos, usually any rules regarding the photos use and potential distribution should usually be addressed, so everyone knows whos getting the pics and if they are to stay private or put online etc.

really you shouldnt be showing them off to people another swinger/facebook mate/guy in chip shop unless the people who they are of dont mind, and im pretty sure most would mind them being shown off

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