FabSwingers.com forum: Blokes who call themselves gentlemen

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Anyone else find it a bit creepy when a bloke refers to himself as a ‘gentlemen’. What does that actually mean, you treat women with respect and Courtesy, oh well done, that surely should be the bare minimum of any man. Or am I missing something here. Its similar when a woman calls herself ‘classy’ or ‘sophisticated’, not sure what qualifies for either of those either, it’s all a bit self indulgent and Self congratulatory ?!

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By *uttyjonnMan
over a year ago

SEA

Yes your missing something

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It means he gets out of the bath to wee in the sink. As opposed to pissing into a sponge and squeezing it into the sink.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Yes your missing something "

Thanks for elaborating.

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London

I’m an opinionated gobster.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Anyone else find it a bit creepy when a bloke refers to himself as a ‘gentlemen’. What does that actually mean, you treat women with respect and Courtesy, oh well done, that surely should be the bare minimum of any man. Or am I missing something here. Its similar when a woman calls herself ‘classy’ or ‘sophisticated’, not sure what qualifies for either of those either, it’s all a bit self indulgent and Self congratulatory ?!"

Unfortunately it’s not the bare minimum of any man no.

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

Maybe you're a "gentleman" if you don't fart, pick your nose or rummage around in your pants on a first meet?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It means he gets out of the bath to wee in the sink. As opposed to pissing into a sponge and squeezing it into the sink.

I wait until I've done in the bath, then piss in it as it drains. Saves water.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Agreed, it's not something that you can decide about yourself and shouting that you are usually means that you're not.

Virtue is it's own reward. Telling others that you helped someone with their shopping or held the door open for someone doesn't make you better, its just looking for plaudits for being a decent human, which probably means that you're not!

Tea

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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

When I think of a gentleman I think of my Dad. He would walk on the outside of my Mum alongside the road, open doors, he always respectful and considerate, he looked smart, he always put her before himself. He was a loyal, honourable man. The very best best role model a girl could have

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yeah bit 1800s for me i like being a sewer rat its much more fun

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

"Agreed, it's not something that you can decide about yourself and shouting that you are usually means that you're not.

Tea"

It's like people who announce on fb they aren't sending Christmas cards cos they are donating to charity instead. Bullshit. You just can't be arsed with the cards, and felt like you had to come up with a good excuse! Newsflash - you could have done that without telling everyone...

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By *ickyRoosterMan
over a year ago

Uppendown

Oh dear. I call describe myself as a 'gent' in my profile title

I agree that it should be the bare minimum standard. And I agree that 'virtue signalling' by calling yourself a gent can be misinterpreted. But I don't think it's creepy. And it would seem that being a 'gent' is still valued by some fabbers. Mind you, I also say on my profile that I'm a bit old fashioned

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In my experience here and elsewhere it’s often been the prelude to a lot of patronising, condescension and tedious arguments about not letting me pay my share. I apologise to self-labelled ‘gentlemen’ who are not like this but I avoid profiles using that label, especially at the upper end of the age range I meet.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

I don't find it creepy as such.

I think it can be well intentioned and to indicate particular behaviours like the ones Babs describes. It could be seen as virtue signalling and yes, it's possible that's the case in some situations but overall I think it means they think they have a particular frame of mind and show mindfulness towards women.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yeah bit 1800s for me i like being a sewer rat its much more fun"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When I think of a gentleman I think of my Dad. He would walk on the outside of my Mum alongside the road, open doors, he always respectful and considerate, he looked smart, he always put her before himself. He was a loyal, honourable man. The very best best role model a girl could have

This is how I would define a gentleman too...

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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago

Hillside desolate

Yes I find it a bit weird, and if someone calls themselves "classy" I'm immediately put off. Which probably says a lot about me

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I don't find it creepy as such.

I think it’s for other people to say it about you, not for you to say it about yourself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's totally infantilising to women if it involves opening their car door or placing them on the inside of the pavement. My last boyfriend tried to do that so I'd walk in the actual road to piss him off.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"...it's possible that's the case in some situations but overall I think it means they think they have a particular frame of mind and show mindfulness towards women.

I think it’s for other people to say it about you, not for you to say it about yourself. "

Yes James, I understood your stance from your Op.

(Ask me tomorrow and mine might have changed

)

I think that if people choose to self label and it's something that you don't personally agree with as a label? Well it's done a good job of showing you as not compatible.

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton

What about 'Gentleman and Scholar' ?

asking for a friend

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Self classification is always dubious imho. You're no such thing unless someone else thinks so, and since someone else probably didn't write your fab profile then it's an odd thing to state....

Now if someone were there write thatthey always TRIED to be a gent then that would be a different thing.....

Subtle but important, to me at least.....

Steve x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am an asshole who loves assholes

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By *ickyRoosterMan
over a year ago

Uppendown

"In my experience here and elsewhere it’s often been the prelude to a lot of patronising, condescension and tedious arguments about not letting me pay my share. I apologise to self-labelled ‘gentlemen’ who are not like this but I avoid profiles using that label, especially at the upper end of the age range I meet."

I know what you mean. But that is, in my opinion, an 'acquired behaviour'. If they are patronising and condescending they cannot be gentlemen. They are acting out a role, what they think a gentleman should behave like. Being a gentleman does not equate to a man attempting to subjugate, dismiss or otherwise attempt to dominate a woman with passive/agressive or any other type of behaviour.

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

I have absolute no idea

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By *ickyRoosterMan
over a year ago

Uppendown

"I don't find it creepy as such.

Yes. This is how I mean it. I suppose 'gentleman' still has Victorian connotations. I feel a bit poo now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes I find it a bit weird, and if someone calls themselves "classy" I'm immediately put off. Which probably says a lot about me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm just Welsh

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m a simpleman.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"I’m a simpleman."

Yes you are.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm just Welsh

I would call you a gentleman. Definitely x

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

God yeah.

Having to calm someone down because I wanted to buy my own damn coffee is not my idea of a good time.

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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

I’m not sure why it is a problem for someone to call themselves a gentleman? It isn’t any different to any other way you may describe yourself.

My Dad would have described himself as a gentleman and so would I. I don’t think it’s for others to give you the label.

Give me a true gentleman any day.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think its quite an old school thing to be gentlemanly which is why so many men put it on their profile, so some women might think they will be treated in a more ladylike way ...

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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

"It's totally infantilising to women if it involves opening their car door or placing them on the inside of the pavement. My last boyfriend tried to do that so I'd walk in the actual road to piss him off. "

It’s hardly infantilising to women

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

The term 'gentleman' and what it denotes has a modern meaning.

The gentleman of this century isn't an entitled aristocrat who was ascribed the label.

I see no harm in someone calling themselves a gentleman if they can also state what codes they live by to do so.

I wouldn't be able to tolerate anyone using the term to indicate that they believed themselves to be 'aware' of 'what the ladies' want or need. Or that they felt the need to protect females or do their thinking and talking for them.

For me gentlemen are honourable no more no less.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

It’s hardly infantilising to women

It can be, and a good person would respect the wishes of the person they're with rather than insisting on formalities that make them uncomfortable.

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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

"I think its quite an old school thing to be gentlemanly which is why so many men put it on their profile, so some women might think they will be treated in a more ladylike way ...

I do hope so.

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By *ickyRoosterMan
over a year ago

Uppendown

"The term 'gentleman' and what it denotes has a modern meaning.

The gentleman of this century isn't an entitled aristocrat who was ascribed the label.

I see no harm in someone calling themselves a gentleman if they can also state what codes they live by to do so.

For me gentlemen are honourable no more no less. "

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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

It’s hardly infantilising to women

It can be, and a good person would respect the wishes of the person they're with rather than insisting on formalities that make them uncomfortable. "

Completely. A gentleman would accept that though. An arsehole wouldn’t.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm a right cunt me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

God yeah.

Having to calm someone down because I wanted to buy my own damn coffee is not my idea of a good time. "

In a beautifully expressed nutshell!

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton

[Removed by poster at 23/06/19 21:52:43]

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton

[Removed by poster at 23/06/19 21:52:55]

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By *estSussexGuy76Man
over a year ago

copthorne

This is my idea of being a gentleman ....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s hardly infantilising to women

It can be, and a good person would respect the wishes of the person they're with rather than insisting on formalities that make them uncomfortable.

Completely. A gentleman would accept that though. An arsehole wouldn’t. "

Even if the arsehole called himself a gentleman?

This is part of the problem with a guy calling himself it.

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By *ssex_tomMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford

Classy...

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By *adame 2SwordsWoman
over a year ago

Victoria, London

never trust them, possibly worse than other guys

I'm not classy though told I am, I'm working class, local comprehensive, 1 o level.

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By *llenGTWoman
over a year ago

East/West Mids

[Removed by poster at 23/06/19 21:51:54]

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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

It’s hardly infantilising to women

It can be, and a good person would respect the wishes of the person they're with rather than insisting on formalities that make them uncomfortable.

Completely. A gentleman would accept that though. An arsehole wouldn’t.

Even if the arsehole called himself a gentleman?

This is part of the problem with a guy calling himself it. "

He may call himself handsome as well. I’m not sure I get your point? Men who don’t call themselves gentlemen behave that way.

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By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

Unfortunately many men do not treat women with respect. I (Luke) would call myself a gentleman to show that I would treat a woman like a lady - somebody who is not there for the purposes of keeping me happy. I don't know why that would be creepy.

I am a bloke. Harvey Weinstein is a bloke.

I am a gentleman. Harvey Weinstein is not.

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By *winkleFairyCouple
over a year ago

I’m not ashamed to admit I love a gentleman and the chivalry that goes with it. When we get to the bedroom, that’s when the “bit of rough” can come out!!

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By *llenGTWoman
over a year ago

East/West Mids

Try again. I agree.

Was it really that hard to post agreement? I made it look that way

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

"I think it’s for other people to say it about you, not for you to say it about yourself. "

This.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

It’s hardly infantilising to women

It can be, and a good person would respect the wishes of the person they're with rather than insisting on formalities that make them uncomfortable.

Completely. A gentleman would accept that though. An arsehole wouldn’t.

Even if the arsehole called himself a gentleman?

This is part of the problem with a guy calling himself it. "

Indeed. Many would rather hold a door, buy a coffee, than actually give a damn what makes me comfortable. It's deeply unpleasant.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s hardly infantilising to women

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The term 'gentleman' and what it denotes has a modern meaning.

The gentleman of this century isn't an entitled aristocrat who was ascribed the label.

I see no harm in someone calling themselves a gentleman if they can also state what codes they live by to do so.

For me gentlemen are honourable no more no less. "

I expect any person I deal with on fab to be honourable. And not make a fuss when I buy them a drink. I don’t think that’s particularly gentlemanly or gentlewomanly. It’s just about being a decent human being.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s hardly infantilising to women

It can be, and a good person would respect the wishes of the person they're with rather than insisting on formalities that make them uncomfortable.

Completely. A gentleman would accept that though. An arsehole wouldn’t.

Even if the arsehole called himself a gentleman?

This is part of the problem with a guy calling himself it.

Indeed. Many would rather hold a door, buy a coffee, than actually give a damn what makes me comfortable. It's deeply unpleasant. "

Do you not like that then? Men holding doors open etc?

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

It’s hardly infantilising to women

It can be, and a good person would respect the wishes of the person they're with rather than insisting on formalities that make them uncomfortable.

Completely. A gentleman would accept that though. An arsehole wouldn’t.

Even if the arsehole called himself a gentleman?

This is part of the problem with a guy calling himself it.

Indeed. Many would rather hold a door, buy a coffee, than actually give a damn what makes me comfortable. It's deeply unpleasant.

Do you not like that then? Men holding doors open etc? "

Can't stand it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think its quite an old school thing to be gentlemanly which is why so many men put it on their profile, so some women might think they will be treated in a more ladylike way ...

I do hope so. "

I do too but i fear that many younger men haven't a clue how to behave like said gentleman, in or out of the bedroom, and just say it because it looks good..

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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

"The term 'gentleman' and what it denotes has a modern meaning.

The gentleman of this century isn't an entitled aristocrat who was ascribed the label.

I see no harm in someone calling themselves a gentleman if they can also state what codes they live by to do so.

For me gentlemen are honourable no more no less.

I’ve never had any man object to me buying a drink. I would say thats more about the character rather than if they call themselves a gentleman though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To some men being a gentleman comes effortlessly. I like that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’m not ashamed to admit I love a gentleman and the chivalry that goes with it. When we get to the bedroom, that’s when the “bit of rough” can come out!!"

Me too. Shame they’re a dying breed. Let’s hope they don’t all get too scared to hold a door open or give a seat up just in case they encounter some extreme feminist

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By *ereforgigglesMan
over a year ago

Scotland

"It means he gets out of the bath to wee in the sink. As opposed to pissing into a sponge and squeezing it into the sink.

Fuck I never thought of that!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s hardly infantilising to women

Small children need assisting with their car doors, or keeping away from the road for their own safety. Why would a grown woman need a man to do these things for her? I'm all for courteous and respectful behaviour, both ways, but I find it patronising to be treated as though I'm not capable of looking after myself.

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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

It’s hardly infantilising to women

It can be, and a good person would respect the wishes of the person they're with rather than insisting on formalities that make them uncomfortable.

Completely. A gentleman would accept that though. An arsehole wouldn’t.

Even if the arsehole called himself a gentleman?

This is part of the problem with a guy calling himself it.

Indeed. Many would rather hold a door, buy a coffee, than actually give a damn what makes me comfortable. It's deeply unpleasant.

Do you not like that then? Men holding doors open etc?

Can't stand it. "

And that’s the beauty of the world we live in, we’re all different. I love to have a door held open for me and I do it for others.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I'd rather open doors or offer seats based on need.

And this "extreme feminist" will quietly and politely say "thanks, but no thanks" and try to let the subject drop.

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By *ickyRoosterMan
over a year ago

Uppendown

"The term 'gentleman' and what it denotes has a modern meaning.

The gentleman of this century isn't an entitled aristocrat who was ascribed the label.

I see no harm in someone calling themselves a gentleman if they can also state what codes they live by to do so.

For me gentlemen are honourable no more no less.

Christ. I call myself decent in my profile too

Here's me thinking they were good traits. Think a re-write is on the cards

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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

It’s hardly infantilising to women

Women don’t ‘need’ those things to be done for them. I never said they did either.

If you find it patronising then that’s fine. I, on the other hand, do not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’m not ashamed to admit I love a gentleman and the chivalry that goes with it. When we get to the bedroom, that’s when the “bit of rough” can come out!!"

See if they didn’t use the ‘g’ word, but were respectful, transparent and only called me a nasty little slut within the bedroom, I’d absolutely agree with you. Perhaps this is about a difference in what ‘gentleman ‘ means across age groups? For me it has usually been used as a screen to excuse incredibly misogynist behaviour.

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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

"The term 'gentleman' and what it denotes has a modern meaning.

The gentleman of this century isn't an entitled aristocrat who was ascribed the label.

I see no harm in someone calling themselves a gentleman if they can also state what codes they live by to do so.

For me gentlemen are honourable no more no less.

Christ. I call myself decent in my profile too

Here's me thinking they were good traits. Think a re-write is on the cards

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s hardly infantilising to women

It can be, and a good person would respect the wishes of the person they're with rather than insisting on formalities that make them uncomfortable.

Completely. A gentleman would accept that though. An arsehole wouldn’t.

Even if the arsehole called himself a gentleman?

This is part of the problem with a guy calling himself it.

Indeed. Many would rather hold a door, buy a coffee, than actually give a damn what makes me comfortable. It's deeply unpleasant.

Do you not like that then? Men holding doors open etc?

Can't stand it.

And that’s the beauty of the world we live in, we’re all different. I love to have a door held open for me and I do it for others."

Same here. It’s common courtesy as far as I’m concerned!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s hardly infantilising to women

Women don’t ‘need’ those things to be done for them. I never said they did either.

If you find it patronising then that’s fine. I, on the other hand, do not. "

Fair enough

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s hardly infantilising to women

It can be, and a good person would respect the wishes of the person they're with rather than insisting on formalities that make them uncomfortable.

Completely. A gentleman would accept that though. An arsehole wouldn’t.

Even if the arsehole called himself a gentleman?

This is part of the problem with a guy calling himself it.

He may call himself handsome as well. I’m not sure I get your point? Men who don’t call themselves gentlemen behave that way. "

True, they do. A guy who called himself a gentleman could also behave that way.

Personally I think that calling yourself one effectively negates the gentility that makes a person a gentleman. If others call you it, then fine, claiming to be one seems a little odd.

To my mind it's a little like shouting about the fact that I didn't kill anyone today

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By *ssex_tomMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford

However if a man is very often described as others as a gentleman then can he take ownership of the discrimination ?

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

It’s hardly infantilising to women

Women don’t ‘need’ those things to be done for them. I never said they did either.

If you find it patronising then that’s fine. I, on the other hand, do not. "

There's a risk of it appearing or being patronising. It's a matter of personal preference and interpretation in a given situation.

I think I'm not the only one saying that some people do these things in ways that are unpleasant. Yes they're doing the "right" "nice" things, but if we don't perform along with their little dance then they get upset. I try not to play.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s hardly infantilising to women

It can be, and a good person would respect the wishes of the person they're with rather than insisting on formalities that make them uncomfortable.

Completely. A gentleman would accept that though. An arsehole wouldn’t.

Even if the arsehole called himself a gentleman?

This is part of the problem with a guy calling himself it.

Indeed. Many would rather hold a door, buy a coffee, than actually give a damn what makes me comfortable. It's deeply unpleasant.

Do you not like that then? Men holding doors open etc?

Can't stand it.

And that’s the beauty of the world we live in, we’re all different. I love to have a door held open for me and I do it for others."

I always appreciate a door being held open and I do the same in return. That's just good manners.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The term 'gentleman' and what it denotes has a modern meaning.

The gentleman of this century isn't an entitled aristocrat who was ascribed the label.

I see no harm in someone calling themselves a gentleman if they can also state what codes they live by to do so.

For me gentlemen are honourable no more no less.

Christ. I call myself decent in my profile too

Here's me thinking they were good traits. Think a re-write is on the cards

No no. Decent is good. Transparent is good too. Just don’t be calling me ‘little lady’, telling me all women ‘secretly want to be dominated’ and spend 40 minutes talking about yourself without asking me a single question. And then not listening to my incredibly witty answer.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"The term 'gentleman' and what it denotes has a modern meaning.

The gentleman of this century isn't an entitled aristocrat who was ascribed the label.

I see no harm in someone calling themselves a gentleman if they can also state what codes they live by to do so.

For me gentlemen are honourable no more no less.

Christ. I call myself decent in my profile too

Here's me thinking they were good traits. Think a re-write is on the cards

I remember one guy, I said I liked reading and intimated I was intelligent. A gentleman he claimed to be. He loved a little lady who reads! Mills and Boon?

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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

It’s hardly infantilising to women

Women don’t ‘need’ those things to be done for them. I never said they did either.

If you find it patronising then that’s fine. I, on the other hand, do not.

There's a risk of it appearing or being patronising. It's a matter of personal preference and interpretation in a given situation.

I appreciate what you’re saying. I think that if a man is expecting you to ‘perform’ in a particular way when you’re not comfortable then they really aren’t being a gentleman at all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"However if a man is very often described as others as a gentleman then can he take ownership of the discrimination ?"

Might make him look a bit old school, but of course. But how do you explain that you’re adopting others description of you on a profile? There are less laden words to use that might appeal to a broader demographic.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s hardly infantilising to women

Women don’t ‘need’ those things to be done for them. I never said they did either.

If you find it patronising then that’s fine. I, on the other hand, do not.

There's a risk of it appearing or being patronising. It's a matter of personal preference and interpretation in a given situation.

I disagree. Not once has it even crossed my mind that it’s patronising for a man to hold a door open for me, open the car door for me, pull my seat out at a restaurant, take my coat for me. I like it. I like a gentleman and I think it’s a damn shame that some men won’t do this anymore for fear of getting a mouthful, I really do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s hardly infantilising to women

Women don’t ‘need’ those things to be done for them. I never said they did either.

If you find it patronising then that’s fine. I, on the other hand, do not.

There's a risk of it appearing or being patronising. It's a matter of personal preference and interpretation in a given situation.

I had thought this was reserved for women mid forties and over. I’m sad to read that you experience it too.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

It’s hardly infantilising to women

Women don’t ‘need’ those things to be done for them. I never said they did either.

If you find it patronising then that’s fine. I, on the other hand, do not.

There's a risk of it appearing or being patronising. It's a matter of personal preference and interpretation in a given situation.

But I said it's a matter of preference and interpretation. I also previously said that my "mouthful" amounts to no thank you.

You're allowed to like it, I'm allowed not to.

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By *crumdiddlyumptiousMan
over a year ago

The bare minimum of any Man, Like when a Man/Woman says "I look after my kids", Like its something you should be proud of them for, Dam right you should be looking after your kids

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By *winkleFairyCouple
over a year ago

"I’m not ashamed to admit I love a gentleman and the chivalry that goes with it. When we get to the bedroom, that’s when the “bit of rough” can come out!!

Yes I personally don’t associate it with a negative Male personality - I would always use it to describe someone in a complimentary fashion.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s hardly infantilising to women

Women don’t ‘need’ those things to be done for them. I never said they did either.

If you find it patronising then that’s fine. I, on the other hand, do not.

There's a risk of it appearing or being patronising. It's a matter of personal preference and interpretation in a given situation.

But I said it's a matter of preference and interpretation. I also previously said that my "mouthful" amounts to no thank you.

You're allowed to like it, I'm allowed not to. "

I know. I’m giving my opinion as I always do.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Sorry, must have misinterpreted. I thought you were saying that I was wrong about it being preference/ interpretation.

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By *crumdiddlyumptiousMan
over a year ago

It’s hardly infantilising to women

It can be, and a good person would respect the wishes of the person they're with rather than insisting on formalities that make them uncomfortable.

Completely. A gentleman would accept that though. An arsehole wouldn’t.

Even if the arsehole called himself a gentleman?

This is part of the problem with a guy calling himself it.

Indeed. Many would rather hold a door, buy a coffee, than actually give a damn what makes me comfortable. It's deeply unpleasant.

Do you not like that then? Men holding doors open etc?

Can't stand it.

And that’s the beauty of the world we live in, we’re all different. I love to have a door held open for me and I do it for others.

I always appreciate a door being held open and I do the same in return. That's just good manners. "

Its something I've always done, For Men and Women, I've gone past thinking what they think about it or if people don't do it for me, most times I don't even look back or at them when I do it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s hardly infantilising to women

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

It’s hardly infantilising to women

Women don’t ‘need’ those things to be done for them. I never said they did either.

If you find it patronising then that’s fine. I, on the other hand, do not.

There's a risk of it appearing or being patronising. It's a matter of personal preference and interpretation in a given situation.

Why do you want to be treated like that by a man, can’t you open doors ?

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By *ssex_tomMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford

I will hold a door open but the number of women that waltz through without even a nod or thank you astounds me.. I find that men seem more inclined to say thank you. Just from my experience..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s hardly infantilising to women

Women don’t ‘need’ those things to be done for them. I never said they did either.

If you find it patronising then that’s fine. I, on the other hand, do not.

There's a risk of it appearing or being patronising. It's a matter of personal preference and interpretation in a given situation.

Why do you want to be treated like that by a man, can’t you open doors ? "

Of course I can open doors ffs

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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

It’s hardly infantilising to women

It can be, and a good person would respect the wishes of the person they're with rather than insisting on formalities that make them uncomfortable.

Completely. A gentleman would accept that though. An arsehole wouldn’t.

Even if the arsehole called himself a gentleman?

This is part of the problem with a guy calling himself it.

He may call himself handsome as well. I’m not sure I get your point? Men who don’t call themselves gentlemen behave that way.

True, they do. A guy who called himself a gentleman could also behave that way.

Personally I think that calling yourself one effectively negates the gentility that makes a person a gentleman. If others call you it, then fine, claiming to be one seems a little odd.

To my mind it's a little like shouting about the fact that I didn't kill anyone today"

I still don’t see it I’m afraid. A gentleman isn’t a gentleman if he states it because a real gentleman would never mention it?

If a man walked up to you and said ‘hello I’m a gentleman ‘ then I would probably take your point. However if you’re trying to put your best foot forward in an environment where you have little opportunity to present yourself and that is what you believe you are then I don’t have an issue with it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s hardly infantilising to women

Women don’t ‘need’ those things to be done for them. I never said they did either.

If you find it patronising then that’s fine. I, on the other hand, do not.

There's a risk of it appearing or being patronising. It's a matter of personal preference and interpretation in a given situation.

Why do you want to be treated like that by a man, can’t you open doors ?

Of course I can open doors ffs "

I always insist on being the one to stand in front of automatic doors so they open for ladies, as I'm a gentleman.

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By *ssex_tomMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford

"The bare minimum of any Man, Like when a Man/Woman says "I look after my kids", Like its something you should be proud of them for, Dam right you should be looking after your kids "

Even the man believes he was trapped ?

I have heard of this happening

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I appreciate courtesy, respect, helpfulness, manners. I just hate it when it's gendered. To each their own!

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By *winkleFairyCouple
over a year ago

It’s hardly infantilising to women

Women don’t ‘need’ those things to be done for them. I never said they did either.

If you find it patronising then that’s fine. I, on the other hand, do not.

There's a risk of it appearing or being patronising. It's a matter of personal preference and interpretation in a given situation.

Why do you want to be treated like that by a man, can’t you open doors ? "

That’s like asking someone why do they want to be treated a certain way in the bedroom. It’s personal preference. And people find a match in those compatible to them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Maybe you're a "gentleman" if you don't fart, pick your nose or rummage around in your pants on a first meet?"

You have to save something for the second meet

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By *rjaffa33Man
over a year ago

Edinburgh

It’s hardly infantilising to women

Women don’t ‘need’ those things to be done for them. I never said they did either.

If you find it patronising then that’s fine. I, on the other hand, do not.

There's a risk of it appearing or being patronising. It's a matter of personal preference and interpretation in a given situation.

Why do you want to be treated like that by a man, can’t you open doors ?

Of course I can open doors ffs "

Hmmmmmmm i got in trouble recently when I refused to hold a door open for a woman and it slammed in her face breaking her nose. Turns out that even though she is capable of opening a door, it is a polite and respectful thing to do to anyone!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I will hold a door open but the number of women that waltz through without even a nod or thank you astounds me.. I find that men seem more inclined to say thank you. Just from my experience.. "

I was at the cinema today. Teenagers are DEFINITELY the worst.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s hardly infantilising to women

Women don’t ‘need’ those things to be done for them. I never said they did either.

If you find it patronising then that’s fine. I, on the other hand, do not.

There's a risk of it appearing or being patronising. It's a matter of personal preference and interpretation in a given situation.

Why do you want to be treated like that by a man, can’t you open doors ? "

Without being able to think of any big words its just 'nice'. Like being smiled at by a stranger or helping a struggling old lady with her bags sometimes its just nice to be nice. Old fashioned values, humans being sweet to each other. A tiny moment in your life to think 'how lovely' . For me anyway.

And yes I hold doors open for men too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s hardly infantilising to women

Women don’t ‘need’ those things to be done for them. I never said they did either.

If you find it patronising then that’s fine. I, on the other hand, do not.

There's a risk of it appearing or being patronising. It's a matter of personal preference and interpretation in a given situation.

Why do you want to be treated like that by a man, can’t you open doors ?

Of course I can open doors ffs

Exactly! Baffles me all this does. I’m best off out of these threads. I’ll never understand it. I find it ludicrous.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s hardly infantilising to women

Women don’t ‘need’ those things to be done for them. I never said they did either.

If you find it patronising then that’s fine. I, on the other hand, do not.

There's a risk of it appearing or being patronising. It's a matter of personal preference and interpretation in a given situation.

Why do you want to be treated like that by a man, can’t you open doors ?

And yes I hold doors open for men too. "

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By *winkleFairyCouple
over a year ago

It’s hardly infantilising to women

Women don’t ‘need’ those things to be done for them. I never said they did either.

If you find it patronising then that’s fine. I, on the other hand, do not.

There's a risk of it appearing or being patronising. It's a matter of personal preference and interpretation in a given situation.

Why do you want to be treated like that by a man, can’t you open doors ?

And yes I hold doors open for men too. "

This. Exactly this!

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By *umblefunMan
over a year ago

London/ South East

Just mutual good manners....

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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

There’s more to being a gentleman than holding doors open

I hold doors open and I’m definitely not a gentleman!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Blimey there’s a lot of overthinking displayed on this thread.

Common courtesy re opening doors etc etc, I’d expect both genders to do this regardless.

Am I looking for a gentleman, possibly a tad old fashioned view for me but I have no issue with the way they describe themselves.

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By *ssex_tomMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford

I think some women like doors held open for them and some seem to detest it. It's not easy to guess correctly all of the time but possibly most of the time..

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By *ickyRoosterMan
over a year ago

Uppendown

"The term 'gentleman' and what it denotes has a modern meaning.

The gentleman of this century isn't an entitled aristocrat who was ascribed the label.

I see no harm in someone calling themselves a gentleman if they can also state what codes they live by to do so.

For me gentlemen are honourable no more no less.

Christ. I call myself decent in my profile too

Here's me thinking they were good traits. Think a re-write is on the cards

All my life I've been surrounded by strong, independent, clever, funny, courageous, indomitable and truly inspirational women. At home and all my working life. I've witnessed first hand how these same women have had to work twice as hard as a male counterpart to progress their careers for no other reason than he happened to have a penis even though 'he' was a dick.

I'll probably be thought of as a virtue signalling, 'White Knight' now. I don't care. I'm not. It's just my reality and my behaviour towards everyone been shaped by my upbringing and life experiences.

But maybe I should remove the 'gent' bit as my intention is not to patronise or be condescending to anyone or to blow smoke up my own fundament

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By *orny IrishMan
over a year ago

Rural Wiltshire

It’s hardly infantilising to women

It can be, and a good person would respect the wishes of the person they're with rather than insisting on formalities that make them uncomfortable.

Completely. A gentleman would accept that though. An arsehole wouldn’t.

Even if the arsehole called himself a gentleman?

This is part of the problem with a guy calling himself it.

Indeed. Many would rather hold a door, buy a coffee, than actually give a damn what makes me comfortable. It's deeply unpleasant.

Do you not like that then? Men holding doors open etc?

Can't stand it.

And that’s the beauty of the world we live in, we’re all different. I love to have a door held open for me and I do it for others.

Same here. It’s common courtesy as far as I’m concerned!"

Sadly that common courtesy is quickly disappearing. I find more and more that people of both sees just let a door close in your face even when you are just at the door.

I feel that the traits described by the lovely Babs as to what a gentleman is like seems to be disappearing very quickly.

Call me old fashioned but I still believe that a man should treat a lady with respect. I pride myself on having the same traits as my late father and everyone constantly refers to him a true gentleman. Does that make me a gentleman I would let those who have met me decide.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just checking my own profile now

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

It’s hardly infantilising to women

It can be, and a good person would respect the wishes of the person they're with rather than insisting on formalities that make them uncomfortable.

Completely. A gentleman would accept that though. An arsehole wouldn’t.

Even if the arsehole called himself a gentleman?

This is part of the problem with a guy calling himself it.

Indeed. Many would rather hold a door, buy a coffee, than actually give a damn what makes me comfortable. It's deeply unpleasant.

Do you not like that then? Men holding doors open etc?

Can't stand it.

And that’s the beauty of the world we live in, we’re all different. I love to have a door held open for me and I do it for others."

Bingo. We are all different. That’s what makes the world spin round.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just checking my own profile now

You’d better change your username if you wanna get anywhere on here!

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By *imandher84Couple
over a year ago

Leeds

The sheer abundance of loose thoughts and meanings attached to such simple acts always astounds me.

I will always hold a door for someone regardless of gender i will help anyone where ever i see fit,not because they are incapable but because i am.

I notice "gentleman" seems to have been attached mostly to male/female interaction by a large amount of posts.

Perhaps if it wasn't looked at as a power struggle and more of a case of good manners regardless of which genitals you posses it may be a touch less inflammatory.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s hardly infantilising to women

It can be, and a good person would respect the wishes of the person they're with rather than insisting on formalities that make them uncomfortable.

Completely. A gentleman would accept that though. An arsehole wouldn’t.

Even if the arsehole called himself a gentleman?

This is part of the problem with a guy calling himself it.

Indeed. Many would rather hold a door, buy a coffee, than actually give a damn what makes me comfortable. It's deeply unpleasant.

Do you not like that then? Men holding doors open etc?

Can't stand it.

And that’s the beauty of the world we live in, we’re all different. I love to have a door held open for me and I do it for others.

Same here. It’s common courtesy as far as I’m concerned!

Sadly that common courtesy is quickly disappearing. I find more and more that people of both sees just let a door close in your face even when you are just at the door.

I feel that the traits described by the lovely Babs as to what a gentleman is like seems to be disappearing very quickly.

Well I’m quite happy to be old fashioned too then

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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

"The term 'gentleman' and what it denotes has a modern meaning.

The gentleman of this century isn't an entitled aristocrat who was ascribed the label.

I see no harm in someone calling themselves a gentleman if they can also state what codes they live by to do so.

For me gentlemen are honourable no more no less.

Christ. I call myself decent in my profile too

Here's me thinking they were good traits. Think a re-write is on the cards

But maybe I should remove the 'gent' bit as my intention is not to patronise or be condescending to anyone or to blow smoke up my own fundament

No you shouldn’t remove it. You’ve got it absolutely right.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The sheer abundance of loose thoughts and meanings attached to such simple acts always astounds me.

I will always hold a door for someone regardless of gender i will help anyone where ever i see fit,not because they are incapable but because i am.

I notice "gentleman" seems to have been attached mostly to male/female interaction by a large amount of posts.

Perhaps if it wasn't looked at as a power struggle and more of a case of good manners regardless of which genitals you posses it may be a touch less inflammatory."

Spot on.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Tbh I ignore any mentions of gentleman or similar on profiles. Ditto things like classy. You know what they say about self praise.

If someone treats me and others with respect, great. If not, not great.

Insisting on old fashioned etiquette where it makes me uncomfortable is an example of not treating me with respect. That's all I'm saying.

(I open doors, offer seats, etc, and am grateful when it's done for me, unless it's a spectacle because I'm a woman.)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Actually thinking about it now one of my friends from a few years back used to refer to himself as a gentleman.

He was an absolute delight to meet, not sure all his behaviour was fitting of a gentleman...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm just Welsh

I would call you a gentleman. Definitely x"
some would disagree lol

but thank you x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The term 'gentleman' and what it denotes has a modern meaning.

The gentleman of this century isn't an entitled aristocrat who was ascribed the label.

I see no harm in someone calling themselves a gentleman if they can also state what codes they live by to do so.

For me gentlemen are honourable no more no less.

Christ. I call myself decent in my profile too

Here's me thinking they were good traits. Think a re-write is on the cards

But maybe I should remove the 'gent' bit as my intention is not to patronise or be condescending to anyone or to blow smoke up my own fundament

You have a great profile. The tahini might be a tad too much detail. For me ‘gent’ has negative connotations, from irritating experiences, for others clearly not so much.

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By *ickyRoosterMan
over a year ago

Uppendown

"The term 'gentleman' and what it denotes has a modern meaning.

The gentleman of this century isn't an entitled aristocrat who was ascribed the label.

I see no harm in someone calling themselves a gentleman if they can also state what codes they live by to do so.

For me gentlemen are honourable no more no less.

Christ. I call myself decent in my profile too

Here's me thinking they were good traits. Think a re-write is on the cards

But maybe I should remove the 'gent' bit as my intention is not to patronise or be condescending to anyone or to blow smoke up my own fundament

You have a great profile. The tahini might be a tad too much detail. For me ‘gent’ has negative connotations, from irritating experiences, for others clearly not so much."

Tahini

Thank you Tigerl1ly. Might change that to sweet chilli

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lots of words, some positive some negative.

Surely it's the actions that matter.

Since when did holding a door open for another to pass through, man or women, become anything more than simple good manners....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Lots of words, some positive some negative.

Surely it's the actions that matter.

Since when did holding a door open for another to pass through, man or women, become anything more than simple good manners...."

I like that, I always hold doors open or let others through. It just seems the right thing to do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Lots of words, some positive some negative.

Surely it's the actions that matter.

Since when did holding a door open for another to pass through, man or women, become anything more than simple good manners...."

I think the point is, are you just holding a door open, as most of us would, or are you making a great big hullabaloo about the fact that you’re doing it for a woman..

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By *etAnotherDomMan
over a year ago

london

"Tbh I ignore any mentions of gentleman or similar on profiles. Ditto things like classy. You know what they say about self praise.

If someone treats me and others with respect, great. If not, not great.

Insisting on old fashioned etiquette where it makes me uncomfortable is an example of not treating me with respect. That's all I'm saying.

(I open doors, offer seats, etc, and am grateful when it's done for me, unless it's a spectacle because I'm a woman.) "

Isn't calling yourself a lady in a same vein? Isn't lady to woman, what gent is to man?

Aren't we all calling ourselves things on this site that are meant to convey some potentially attractive or differentiating things we believe about ourselves.

This thread is dismaying!

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Tbh I ignore any mentions of gentleman or similar on profiles. Ditto things like classy. You know what they say about self praise.

If someone treats me and others with respect, great. If not, not great.

Insisting on old fashioned etiquette where it makes me uncomfortable is an example of not treating me with respect. That's all I'm saying.

(I open doors, offer seats, etc, and am grateful when it's done for me, unless it's a spectacle because I'm a woman.)

Isn't calling yourself a lady in a same vein? Isn't lady to woman, what gent is to man?

Aren't we all calling ourselves things on this site that are meant to convey some potentially attractive or differentiating things we believe about ourselves.

This thread is dismaying!"

It's a bit of artistic licence in my case (the flow of the text taking priority over precision), and I wouldn't expect anyone to take it seriously. I hope I conduct myself properly in public, but that's for others to determine.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was called a gent once on a veri. I hid it

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

"The term 'gentleman' and what it denotes has a modern meaning.

The gentleman of this century isn't an entitled aristocrat who was ascribed the label.

I see no harm in someone calling themselves a gentleman if they can also state what codes they live by to do so.

For me gentlemen are honourable no more no less. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Lots of words, some positive some negative.

Surely it's the actions that matter.

Since when did holding a door open for another to pass through, man or women, become anything more than simple good manners....

I think the point is, are you just holding a door open, as most of us would, or are you making a great big hullabaloo about the fact that you’re doing it for a woman.."

I'm holding the door open, or whatever, because it's a normal human response, and rather more socially aware than letting it slam in anothers face....

I really dont get the vitriol dripping through some of this thread.

Perhaps we should just accept the kindness of strangers, or friends, rather than using some such stereotypes and self determined opinions of the actions of others as a stick to beat others with.....

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

Sometimes the difference between intentions and intent get a tad blurred.

That is from (I suspect both gender).

Yet there is so much projection (especially from ladies) that intention and intent gets mixed up in reality.

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

Classy.... sophisticated.... elegant

Terms that define some women - for me those are standards to live by. It means I don’t act like a social hand grenade or a foul mouthed loose cannon, either here on the forums or in public!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Classy.... sophisticated.... elegant

Terms that define some women - for me those are standards to live by. It means I don’t act like a social hand grenade or a foul mouthed loose cannon, either here on the forums or in public! "

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By *unningFoxWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

It’s definitely strange when someone refers to themselves as gentleman’s but so does referring to myself as lady... Very far from being sophisticated and classy... However for me true gentleman is respectful to everyone not just females. It doesn’t mean they have to open doors and pay for someone it’s just comes naturally, they have to simply consider and care about other person and it’s quite rare quality these days.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Tbh I ignore any mentions of gentleman or similar on profiles. Ditto things like classy. You know what they say about self praise.

If someone treats me and others with respect, great. If not, not great.

Insisting on old fashioned etiquette where it makes me uncomfortable is an example of not treating me with respect. That's all I'm saying.

(I open doors, offer seats, etc, and am grateful when it's done for me, unless it's a spectacle because I'm a woman.)

Isn't calling yourself a lady in a same vein? Isn't lady to woman, what gent is to man?

Aren't we all calling ourselves things on this site that are meant to convey some potentially attractive or differentiating things we believe about ourselves.

This thread is dismaying!"

So I shouldn’t have admitted to 25 years experience of male misogyny channeled as ‘gentlemanly’ behaviour because it doesn’t fit with others view of the world? I’m genuinely not feeling that. We all come too fab with a lifetime of experiences, perceptions and biases.

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By *ssex_tomMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford

"Classy.... sophisticated.... elegant

Terms that define some women - for me those are standards to live by. It means I don’t act like a social hand grenade or a foul mouthed loose cannon, either here on the forums or in public! "

This....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Classy.... sophisticated.... elegant

Terms that define some women - for me those are standards to live by. It means I don’t act like a social hand grenade or a foul mouthed loose cannon, either here on the forums or in public! "

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

"Tbh I ignore any mentions of gentleman or similar on profiles. Ditto things like classy. You know what they say about self praise.

If someone treats me and others with respect, great. If not, not great.

Insisting on old fashioned etiquette where it makes me uncomfortable is an example of not treating me with respect. That's all I'm saying.

(I open doors, offer seats, etc, and am grateful when it's done for me, unless it's a spectacle because I'm a woman.)

Isn't calling yourself a lady in a same vein? Isn't lady to woman, what gent is to man?

Aren't we all calling ourselves things on this site that are meant to convey some potentially attractive or differentiating things we believe about ourselves.

This thread is dismaying!"

Doesn’t the header of your profile use the word ‘gent’

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By *arkb73Man
over a year ago

Cheshire/Staffs

I hold the door open for anyone who happens to be going through it at that time

Now it’s bad to be a gentleman

Dear me...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Tbh I ignore any mentions of gentleman or similar on profiles. Ditto things like classy. You know what they say about self praise.

If someone treats me and others with respect, great. If not, not great.

Insisting on old fashioned etiquette where it makes me uncomfortable is an example of not treating me with respect. That's all I'm saying.

(I open doors, offer seats, etc, and am grateful when it's done for me, unless it's a spectacle because I'm a woman.)

Isn't calling yourself a lady in a same vein? Isn't lady to woman, what gent is to man?

Aren't we all calling ourselves things on this site that are meant to convey some potentially attractive or differentiating things we believe about ourselves.

This thread is dismaying!

Regardless of what you’ve been through and I’m sorry if it was a bad time for you, but I don’t think gentlemanly equals misogyny.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Lots of words, some positive some negative.

Surely it's the actions that matter.

Since when did holding a door open for another to pass through, man or women, become anything more than simple good manners....

I think the point is, are you just holding a door open, as most of us would, or are you making a great big hullabaloo about the fact that you’re doing it for a woman..

I'm holding the door open, or whatever, because it's a normal human response, and rather more socially aware than letting it slam in anothers face....

I really dont get the vitriol dripping through some of this thread.

Perhaps we should just accept the kindness of strangers, or friends, rather than using some such stereotypes and self determined opinions of the actions of others as a stick to beat others with.....

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

"Tbh I ignore any mentions of gentleman or similar on profiles. Ditto things like classy. You know what they say about self praise.

If someone treats me and others with respect, great. If not, not great.

Insisting on old fashioned etiquette where it makes me uncomfortable is an example of not treating me with respect. That's all I'm saying.

(I open doors, offer seats, etc, and am grateful when it's done for me, unless it's a spectacle because I'm a woman.)

Isn't calling yourself a lady in a same vein? Isn't lady to woman, what gent is to man?

Aren't we all calling ourselves things on this site that are meant to convey some potentially attractive or differentiating things we believe about ourselves.

This thread is dismaying!

Or mental projection from the past ... lady.

(closed, thread got too big)

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By *arkb73Man
over a year ago

Cheshire/Staffs

"Tbh I ignore any mentions of gentleman or similar on profiles. Ditto things like classy. You know what they say about self praise.

If someone treats me and others with respect, great. If not, not great.

Insisting on old fashioned etiquette where it makes me uncomfortable is an example of not treating me with respect. That's all I'm saying.

(I open doors, offer seats, etc, and am grateful when it's done for me, unless it's a spectacle because I'm a woman.)

Isn't calling yourself a lady in a same vein? Isn't lady to woman, what gent is to man?

Aren't we all calling ourselves things on this site that are meant to convey some potentially attractive or differentiating things we believe about ourselves.

This thread is dismaying!

Regardless of what you’ve been through and I’m sorry if it was a bad time for you, but I don’t think gentlemanly equals misogyny. "

I couldn’t agree more - I do know there are plenty of entitled shits in this world though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Tbh I ignore any mentions of gentleman or similar on profiles. Ditto things like classy. You know what they say about self praise.

If someone treats me and others with respect, great. If not, not great.

Insisting on old fashioned etiquette where it makes me uncomfortable is an example of not treating me with respect. That's all I'm saying.

(I open doors, offer seats, etc, and am grateful when it's done for me, unless it's a spectacle because I'm a woman.)

Isn't calling yourself a lady in a same vein? Isn't lady to woman, what gent is to man?

Aren't we all calling ourselves things on this site that are meant to convey some potentially attractive or differentiating things we believe about ourselves.

This thread is dismaying!

Regardless of what you’ve been through and I’m sorry if it was a bad time for you, but I don’t think gentlemanly equals misogyny.

I couldn’t agree more - I do know there are plenty of entitled shits in this world though "

Oh absolutely. Plenty on here too!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As long as one calls the underground the underground, never carries a brown paper parcel, looks good in a three piece suit, can carry off evening dress and knows what fork to use, one is a gentleman.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Tbh I ignore any mentions of gentleman or similar on profiles. Ditto things like classy. You know what they say about self praise.

If someone treats me and others with respect, great. If not, not great.

Insisting on old fashioned etiquette where it makes me uncomfortable is an example of not treating me with respect. That's all I'm saying.

(I open doors, offer seats, etc, and am grateful when it's done for me, unless it's a spectacle because I'm a woman.)

Isn't calling yourself a lady in a same vein? Isn't lady to woman, what gent is to man?

Aren't we all calling ourselves things on this site that are meant to convey some potentially attractive or differentiating things we believe about ourselves.

This thread is dismaying!

Regardless of what you’ve been through and I’m sorry if it was a bad time for you, but I don’t think gentlemanly equals misogyny. "

I think I just went through being a woman in the nineties tbh. But to be clear, at no point have I said that gentlemanly equals misogyny, or used it as a stick to beat anyone with. I’ve said in my experience it has ‘often’ been used in that way. I’m delighted others have different views. It doesn’t negate my experience and I’ve been honest that this is personal perception. I’m pretty sure that many other women would view the term ‘gentleman’ in a similarly loaded way. I’m sure all the ‘gentlemen’ weren’t just targeting me over the last 25 years.

And to repeat, buying each other drinks and holding doors open isn’t particularly ‘gentlemanly’ or ‘ladylike’, it’s the kind of decent behaviour we should all expect and practice, as is respect, manners, making each other comfortable.

So to any self-professed gentlemen, if you felt I was beating you with a stick, I apologise. My intention was always to highlight that it can be a laden term, not to make any personal attack.

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By *etAnotherDomMan
over a year ago

london

"Tbh I ignore any mentions of gentleman or similar on profiles. Ditto things like classy. You know what they say about self praise.

If someone treats me and others with respect, great. If not, not great.

Insisting on old fashioned etiquette where it makes me uncomfortable is an example of not treating me with respect. That's all I'm saying.

(I open doors, offer seats, etc, and am grateful when it's done for me, unless it's a spectacle because I'm a woman.)

Isn't calling yourself a lady in a same vein? Isn't lady to woman, what gent is to man?

Aren't we all calling ourselves things on this site that are meant to convey some potentially attractive or differentiating things we believe about ourselves.

This thread is dismaying!

Doesn’t the header of your profile use the word ‘gent’"

Yep...I'm on the side of it's just a word that conveys some well known characteristics which I happen to like..which I strive to demonstrate...and which people have said I do.

Some of the interpretations here I find dismaying.

And I found it ironic that people use all manner of "positive" words to describe themselves...even lady...which i find synomonous...and yet think it's uppity to use a good word to describle yourself.

I guess:

To each to act with their own intentions and to each to experience said action with their own interpretations.

The world is more polar than I have ever known it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Tbh I ignore any mentions of gentleman or similar on profiles. Ditto things like classy. You know what they say about self praise.

If someone treats me and others with respect, great. If not, not great.

Insisting on old fashioned etiquette where it makes me uncomfortable is an example of not treating me with respect. That's all I'm saying.

(I open doors, offer seats, etc, and am grateful when it's done for me, unless it's a spectacle because I'm a woman.)

Isn't calling yourself a lady in a same vein? Isn't lady to woman, what gent is to man?

Aren't we all calling ourselves things on this site that are meant to convey some potentially attractive or differentiating things we believe about ourselves.

This thread is dismaying!

Or mental projection from the past ... lady.

Show me a person who’s world view isn’t affected by their life experience...

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By *alking HeadMan
over a year ago

Bolton

Being a gentleman isn't just something one does whilst entertaining a lady. It's living ones whole life by a set of standards that put others needs to the fore.

Do as you would like to be done by.

If everyone behaved this way, the world would be a happier place.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Being a gentleman isn't just something one does whilst entertaining a lady. It's living ones whole life by a set of standards that put others needs to the fore.

Do as you would like to be done by.

If everyone behaved this way, the world would be a happier place."

I'm more with the smart suit and not carrying a brown paper parcel line of thinking

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

"Being a gentleman isn't just something one does whilst entertaining a lady. It's living ones whole life by a set of standards that put others needs to the fore.

Do as you would like to be done by.

If everyone behaved this way, the world would be a happier place.

I'm more with the smart suit and not carrying a brown paper parcel line of thinking

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith

"As long as one calls the underground the underground, never carries a brown paper parcel, looks good in a three piece suit, can carry off evening dress and knows what fork to use, one is a gentleman.

And knows the difference between lunch and dinner time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And knows the difference between lunch and dinner time

Can tie a Windsor knot ...

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By *etAnotherDomMan
over a year ago

london

And knows the difference between lunch and dinner time

Can tie a Windsor knot ...

Don't pee in the umbrella stand after eating asparagus

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And knows the difference between lunch and dinner time

Can tie a Windsor knot ...

Don't pee in the umbrella stand after eating asparagus"

Rip the bread rolls with your fingers, then don't eat them

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By *arkb73Man
over a year ago

Cheshire/Staffs

One should never be non-u

Wear a ring only on the little finger

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One should never be non-u

Wear a ring only on the little finger "

Unless you have a hoofing family crest for a signet ring.

And if you don't ... Borrow one

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By *egasus NobMan
over a year ago

Merton

[Removed by poster at 24/06/19 00:07:15]

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By *egasus NobMan
over a year ago

Merton

some things are obvious without over-explaining. I suppose self-deprecating is where you stand.

If you truly think you are a gentleman why not say it, the same goes for classy and sexy just being self-aware.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am a proper gentleman

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do describe myself as a gentleman to me it means a way of living ur life with a certain code of conduct and certain morals and being that way in every part of ur life, and i know thats easy to say but anyone that has met me on here and hadw verified me would say i was a gentleman i believe

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is how I would define a gentleman too...

Agreed!

. He sounds perfect. They sure don't make them like that anymore.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would call myself a gentleman, not to receive praise but to convey that I treat people in an appropriate manner

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

I'd rather see deeds than get hung up on words

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Lots of words, some positive some negative.

Surely it's the actions that matter.

Since when did holding a door open for another to pass through, man or women, become anything more than simple good manners....

I think the point is, are you just holding a door open, as most of us would, or are you making a great big hullabaloo about the fact that you’re doing it for a woman..

I'm holding the door open, or whatever, because it's a normal human response, and rather more socially aware than letting it slam in anothers face....

I really dont get the vitriol dripping through some of this thread.

Perhaps we should just accept the kindness of strangers, or friends, rather than using some such stereotypes and self determined opinions of the actions of others as a stick to beat others with.....

Never stop being you. Let others continue to not act like a gent, if that's their wish. I'm sure most women would prefer a gent than a chav lol.

I don't understand why anyone would review a man with manners and respect towards others, as a self arrogent or other negative attribute.

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By *uzukiNo1Woman
over a year ago

Rhyl

Maybe their in the league of.........

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just a snotty posh word like sir to me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Lots of words, some positive some negative.

Surely it's the actions that matter.

Since when did holding a door open for another to pass through, man or women, become anything more than simple good manners....

I think the point is, are you just holding a door open, as most of us would, or are you making a great big hullabaloo about the fact that you’re doing it for a woman..

I'm holding the door open, or whatever, because it's a normal human response, and rather more socially aware than letting it slam in anothers face....

I really dont get the vitriol dripping through some of this thread.

Perhaps we should just accept the kindness of strangers, or friends, rather than using some such stereotypes and self determined opinions of the actions of others as a stick to beat others with.....

Never stop being you. Let others continue to not act like a gent, if that's their wish. I'm sure most women would prefer a gent than a chav lol.

I don't understand why anyone would review a man with manners and respect towards others, as a self arrogent or other negative attribute.

I don't think that's what anyone has said though, is it? Good manners and respect towards others is just a baseline that we should all be achieving in our daily interactions. What a few posters object to, myself included, is being treated as less capable in the name of chivalry or 'gentlemanly' behaviour.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Lots of words, some positive some negative.

Surely it's the actions that matter.

Since when did holding a door open for another to pass through, man or women, become anything more than simple good manners....

I think the point is, are you just holding a door open, as most of us would, or are you making a great big hullabaloo about the fact that you’re doing it for a woman..

I'm holding the door open, or whatever, because it's a normal human response, and rather more socially aware than letting it slam in anothers face....

I really dont get the vitriol dripping through some of this thread.

Perhaps we should just accept the kindness of strangers, or friends, rather than using some such stereotypes and self determined opinions of the actions of others as a stick to beat others with.....

Never stop being you. Let others continue to not act like a gent, if that's their wish. I'm sure most women would prefer a gent than a chav lol.

I don't understand why anyone would review a man with manners and respect towards others, as a self arrogent or other negative attribute.

How do you ascertain whether someone is just well mannered or treating you as less capable?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Lots of words, some positive some negative.

Surely it's the actions that matter.

Since when did holding a door open for another to pass through, man or women, become anything more than simple good manners....

I think the point is, are you just holding a door open, as most of us would, or are you making a great big hullabaloo about the fact that you’re doing it for a woman..

I'm holding the door open, or whatever, because it's a normal human response, and rather more socially aware than letting it slam in anothers face....

I really dont get the vitriol dripping through some of this thread.

Perhaps we should just accept the kindness of strangers, or friends, rather than using some such stereotypes and self determined opinions of the actions of others as a stick to beat others with.....

Never stop being you. Let others continue to not act like a gent, if that's their wish. I'm sure most women would prefer a gent than a chav lol.

I don't understand why anyone would review a man with manners and respect towards others, as a self arrogent or other negative attribute.

How do you ascertain whether someone is just well mannered or treating you as less capable?"

That's easy, if they try to do things for me that they would feel uncomfortable with me doing the same in return then I'm being treated as less capable. If a man is happy to let me walk him on the inside of the pavement and open his car door then I'm happy to be on the receiving end of it from him.