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"Has the books and films ruined sex for you? Since the books became popular I've been meeting women who say they are into kinky stuff but when it comes down to it the stuff they're into is vanilla like Morrison brand Ice cream. As someone who's a hypersexual and has alot of kinks and fetishes I find women say they're into all these little fetishes because they read it in a book. I read a chapter from a book as a work colleague left it in the office. It was so naff, cheesy and cringe worthy. Do women actually think all that stuff is kinky? " nope | |||
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"Of course it hasn't ruined for me... I'm an adult with a mind of my own and the book was dire. Other women seem to have felt able to be more liberated as a result of it, which is no bad thing. However, it has also resulted in a plethora of would be Doms... especially on sites like this."  | |||
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"Of course it hasn't ruined for me... I'm an adult with a mind of my own and the book was dire. Other women seem to have felt able to be more liberated as a result of it, which is no bad thing. However, it has also resulted in a plethora of would be Doms... especially on sites like this. "Sorry...reposted as I missed a word out  | |||
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"Of course it hasn't ruined for me... I'm an adult with a mind of my own and the book was dire. Other women seem to have felt able to be more liberated as a result of it, which is no bad thing. However, it has also resulted in a plethora of would be Doms... especially on sites like this.
Sorry...reposted as I missed a word out "Quite alright  | |||
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"Has the books and films ruined sex for you? Since the books became popular I've been meeting women who say they are into kinky stuff but when it comes down to it the stuff they're into is vanilla like Morrison brand Ice cream. As someone who's a hypersexual and has alot of kinks and fetishes I find women say they're into all these little fetishes because they read it in a book. I read a chapter from a book as a work colleague left it in the office. It was so naff, cheesy and cringe worthy. Do women actually think all that stuff is kinky? " I think it's important to understand that different people have a different point of reference when it comes to this sort of thing. If you have been a swinger or on this type of site for a while and socialise/befriend people of this ilk then your point of reference for sexual deviance (your sexual desire/awareness bar) is much higher than someone who has not been in this situation. Regardless of its literal quality (of which it is quite poor, In my opinion) is has awakened in some people desires that have been dormant or experiences that they have been missing (perhaps). It has also brought some In this sense the books/films have probably attracted a large number of people to a more hedonistic lifestyle, some will stay but most will go after dabbling, some will discover that their sexual boundary bar is much lower than yours. I applaud anything that liberates people and reduces fear of the unknown, to enable them to express themselves in an open and non-judged way, so although I may not enjoy the books or see their literal merit, I do appreciate the positive impact they have had on some peoples self-esteem, liberty and sexual exploration. | |||
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"Nope, actually found the movies kinda funny.. Him: ‘What have you being waiting for? Her: Big pause... ‘You’ That bit was hilarious hahaha "I've only seen the first one, and I agree it was hilarious! | |||
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"I think it's important to understand that different people have a different point of reference when it comes to this sort of thing. If you have been a swinger or on this type of site for a while and socialise/befriend people of this ilk then your point of reference for sexual deviance (your sexual desire/awareness bar) is much higher than someone who has not been in this situation. Regardless of its literal quality (of which it is quite poor, In my opinion) is has awakened in some people desires that have been dormant or experiences that they have been missing (perhaps). It has also brought some In this sense the books/films have probably attracted a large number of people to a more hedonistic lifestyle, some will stay but most will go after dabbling, some will discover that their sexual boundary bar is much lower than yours. I applaud anything that liberates people and reduces fear of the unknown, to enable them to express themselves in an open and non-judged way, so although I may not enjoy the books or see their literal merit, I do appreciate the positive impact they have had on some peoples self-esteem, liberty and sexual exploration." | |||
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"Nope, actually found the movies kinda funny.. Him: ‘What have you being waiting for? Her: Big pause... ‘You’ That bit was hilarious hahaha
I've only seen the first one, and I agree it was hilarious!"Can’t wait for the national lampoon version haha | |||
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"Never read the books mainly because the people that I know who’ve read and enjoyed them have never read anything deeper than Chat magazine before. I also saw a clip of the film and it looked ridiculous. On here I have always avoided anyone with Mr Grey or Gray in their username or mentioned in their profile. " I think as a result I'm a little more reserved when talking sex. I tend to let the women talk about what they're into and take it with a hand full of salt. "You like sex all night?" - yeah sure you do. "You like being spanked?" - ok love. | |||
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"Has the books and films ruined sex for you? Since the books became popular I've been meeting women who say they are into kinky stuff but when it comes down to it the stuff they're into is vanilla like Morrison brand Ice cream. As someone who's a hypersexual and has alot of kinks and fetishes I find women say they're into all these little fetishes because they read it in a book. I read a chapter from a book as a work colleague left it in the office. It was so naff, cheesy and cringe worthy. Do women actually think all that stuff is kinky? I think it's important to understand that different people have a different point of reference when it comes to this sort of thing. If you have been a swinger or on this type of site for a while and socialise/befriend people of this ilk then your point of reference for sexual deviance (your sexual desire/awareness bar) is much higher than someone who has not been in this situation. Regardless of its literal quality (of which it is quite poor, In my opinion) is has awakened in some people desires that have been dormant or experiences that they have been missing (perhaps). It has also brought some In this sense the books/films have probably attracted a large number of people to a more hedonistic lifestyle, some will stay but most will go after dabbling, some will discover that their sexual boundary bar is much lower than yours. I applaud anything that liberates people and reduces fear of the unknown, to enable them to express themselves in an open and non-judged way, so although I may not enjoy the books or see their literal merit, I do appreciate the positive impact they have had on some peoples self-esteem, liberty and sexual exploration." I’ve also chatted with a few women who now feel that they are boring because they don’t like that kind of sex and they feel obliged to perform to please their partners because they think it makes them sexier. | |||
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"Never read the books mainly because the people that I know who’ve read and enjoyed them have never read anything deeper than Chat magazine before. I also saw a clip of the film and it looked ridiculous. On here I have always avoided anyone with Mr Grey or Gray in their username or mentioned in their profile. " But Mr Gray/Grey could be the sexist man out there, just think of those skills you could be passing by haha | |||
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"From my experience I meet women and they say they're into rough sex and tired of 1 minute wonders etc.. so 30 mins into sex and they can't handle it even though they said they like long sessions! They say they want it rough so when I go rough they ask me to slow down or not pull their hair... basically end up having 1940 Conservatives style 3 semi thrusts per minute missionary sex. I just leave after and have actually left midway during sex because it's been that awful. " I have always understood the dominance of a sexual partner requires mutual trust and respect together with patience. When you are pushing boundaries isn't it normally something that is done in stages to develop a greater understanding of what works for both of you; yes a sub may desire to giver their dom pleasure but not of the sacrifice of their own boundaries, that is something to be teased from the sub, pushed gently to enable them to take pleasure in their own evolution? I have always felt that the sub/dom relationship is rather illusionary in the sense it is the sub that gives up control (and therefore actually maintains control by the mere act of making a conscious decision to relinquish), both sides are supposed to acknowledge this on either a conscious or sub-conscious level. But maybe I have been doing it wrong.... I normally am  | |||
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"Never read the books mainly because the people that I know who’ve read and enjoyed them have never read anything deeper than Chat magazine before. I also saw a clip of the film and it looked ridiculous. On here I have always avoided anyone with Mr Grey or Gray in their username or mentioned in their profile. But Mr Gray/Grey could be the sexist man out there, just think of those skills you could be passing by haha "Well for a start off if that’s their username, usually followed by a huge number because there are so many other men with the same name that have gone before them, he’s not showing a great deal of imagination
I think I’ll take the risk | |||
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"From my experience I meet women and they say they're into rough sex and tired of 1 minute wonders etc.. so 30 mins into sex and they can't handle it even though they said they like long sessions! They say they want it rough so when I go rough they ask me to slow down or not pull their hair... basically end up having 1940 Conservatives style 3 semi thrusts per minute missionary sex. I just leave after and have actually left midway during sex because it's been that awful. I have always understood the dominance of a sexual partner requires mutual trust and respect together with patience. When you are pushing boundaries isn't it normally something that is done in stages to develop a greater understanding of what works for both of you; yes a sub may desire to giver their dom pleasure but not of the sacrifice of their own boundaries, that is something to be teased from the sub, pushed gently to enable them to take pleasure in their own evolution? I have always felt that the sub/dom relationship is rather illusionary in the sense it is the sub that gives up control (and therefore actually maintains control by the mere act of making a conscious decision to relinquish), both sides are supposed to acknowledge this on either a conscious or sub-conscious level. But maybe I have been doing it wrong.... I normally am "These weren't sub/dom relationships. Just women who said they like kinky rough sex on paper but in practice couldn't do anything. A dom/Sub relationship isn't something you begin from the first meet in my opinion. Its something that you cultivate. In this #meetoo era a guy needs to be careful. I wouldn't even belt a girl until I knew them well. imagine they go to the cops and you're fucked. | |||
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"Hasn't ruined anything for us. We love bdsm, feel comfortable in our roles but anyone mentioning 50 shades rings alarm bells. These people clearly have no idea what it's about. It's OK to be new. It's OK yo want to try but don't read fiction and think you're an expert. Also, girl uses the safe word that he ignores. He forces himself on her after she removes consent and unless you know about bdsm you won't realise how fucked up that is. " I saw a movie once where Spider-Man killed a man, how fucked up is that too | |||
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"Belt a girl???? Hope there are multiple meanings to this phrase and not the first one that springs to mind " You must be a novice and a 50 shades fan | |||
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"From my experience I meet women and they say they're into rough sex and tired of 1 minute wonders etc.. so 30 mins into sex and they can't handle it even though they said they like long sessions! They say they want it rough so when I go rough they ask me to slow down or not pull their hair... basically end up having 1940 Conservatives style 3 semi thrusts per minute missionary sex. I just leave after and have actually left midway during sex because it's been that awful. I have always understood the dominance of a sexual partner requires mutual trust and respect together with patience. When you are pushing boundaries isn't it normally something that is done in stages to develop a greater understanding of what works for both of you; yes a sub may desire to giver their dom pleasure but not of the sacrifice of their own boundaries, that is something to be teased from the sub, pushed gently to enable them to take pleasure in their own evolution? I have always felt that the sub/dom relationship is rather illusionary in the sense it is the sub that gives up control (and therefore actually maintains control by the mere act of making a conscious decision to relinquish), both sides are supposed to acknowledge this on either a conscious or sub-conscious level. But maybe I have been doing it wrong.... I normally am "Most of that is spot on, as was your earlier post that you posted while I was typing my last that said similar, only more eloquently than I did
The only thing I personally would disagree with, and opinions of this differ, is the "sub holds all the control" thing - actually to my mind a Dom/me and a sub are two sides of the same coin and "both" hold the control equally - just as the sub has the power to take away their submission, so does the Dom/me have the power to take away their dominance - there are other nuances too, such as the Dom/me controlling the direction of a scene, but the sub ultimately controlling it if they choose to use their safeword.
Either way I find the idea of labelling someone a "1940s Conservatives style" whatever it was because their idea of rough sex not matching the dominants, a little worrying - one of the key elements of D/s and BDSM, and in fact even plain old vanilla sex, is discussing, and agreeing, limits and boundaries beforehand and understanding AND respecting which can be pushed and which are sacrosanct and that to my mind would include some of the things the OP is referring to. | |||
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"From my experience I meet women and they say they're into rough sex and tired of 1 minute wonders etc.. so 30 mins into sex and they can't handle it even though they said they like long sessions! They say they want it rough so when I go rough they ask me to slow down or not pull their hair... basically end up having 1940 Conservatives style 3 semi thrusts per minute missionary sex. I just leave after and have actually left midway during sex because it's been that awful. I have always understood the dominance of a sexual partner requires mutual trust and respect together with patience. When you are pushing boundaries isn't it normally something that is done in stages to develop a greater understanding of what works for both of you; yes a sub may desire to giver their dom pleasure but not of the sacrifice of their own boundaries, that is something to be teased from the sub, pushed gently to enable them to take pleasure in their own evolution? I have always felt that the sub/dom relationship is rather illusionary in the sense it is the sub that gives up control (and therefore actually maintains control by the mere act of making a conscious decision to relinquish), both sides are supposed to acknowledge this on either a conscious or sub-conscious level. But maybe I have been doing it wrong.... I normally am
These weren't sub/dom relationships. Just women who said they like kinky rough sex on paper but in practice couldn't do anything.
A dom/Sub relationship isn't something you begin from the first meet in my opinion. Its something that you cultivate. In this #meetoo era a guy needs to be careful. I wouldn't even belt a girl until I knew them well. imagine they go to the cops and you're fucked. "Then I misunderstand your correlation with rough-sex and 50 shades of grey. The vast majority of "vanilla" porn is quite "rough" ; if I was to blame anything for a desire for 'rough sex', i would blame most of modern porn and not a book written (albeit poorly) about a sub/dom relationship. As for treating someone "rough"; I wouldn't do that on a first meet for a number of reasons, but the main one being that people often exaggerate their desires from a swinging meet in an effort to secure that meet. Some men say they are repeat cummers, bi, bigger, stronger, better than they are. and women and couples may exaggerate their prowess, experience or interests. I find just getting to know someone in the first meet works best and regardless of whether the first meet is under the pretence of sub/dom or "rough", sure things can develop, but to be honest, I have no way of knowing how to pleasure and individual until I have started to see her response to my words, touch and behaviour..... Slowly, slowly, catchy monkey and all that. | |||
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"I’ve not seen any of the films or read any of the books "Keep it that way and stay away from people who use it as a reference | |||
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"Belt a girl???? Hope there are multiple meanings to this phrase and not the first one that springs to mind You must be a novice and a 50 shades fan" To belt someone or something was to hit them them/it as hard as possible where I grew up | |||
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" These weren't sub/dom relationships. Just women who said they like kinky rough sex on paper but in practice couldn't do anything. A dom/Sub relationship isn't something you begin from the first meet in my opinion. Its something that you cultivate. In this #meetoo era a guy needs to be careful. I wouldn't even belt a girl until I knew them well. imagine they go to the cops and you're fucked. " Even if they weren't sub/Dom relationships - did it not occur to you to have a conversation with the person concerned *beforehand* to understand what their idea of "kinky rough sex" was and be as sure as you could be that it matched with your own idea of what it was? | |||
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"I applaud anything that liberates people and reduces fear of the unknown, to enable them to express themselves in an open and non-judged way, so although I may not enjoy the books or see their literal merit, I do appreciate the positive impact they have had on some peoples self-esteem, liberty and sexual exploration." Love this.
No, the books and subsequent films haven't had a negative impact on my sex life, then again, maybe I'm not the sort to meet those you've described in the Op.
I do understand how it can be frustrating sexually and otherwise for you but I also think that people start somewhere. Have you asked the women if they've had much experience? If they do genuinely like it rough? Phrased better though. | |||
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"Belt a girl???? Hope there are multiple meanings to this phrase and not the first one that springs to mind You must be a novice and a 50 shades fan To belt someone or something was to hit them them/it as hard as possible where I grew up " Yes that's exactly what it means. You never belted a girl/guy? | |||
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"From my experience I meet women and they say they're into rough sex and tired of 1 minute wonders etc.. so 30 mins into sex and they can't handle it even though they said they like long sessions! They say they want it rough so when I go rough they ask me to slow down or not pull their hair... basically end up having 1940 Conservatives style 3 semi thrusts per minute missionary sex. I just leave after and have actually left midway during sex because it's been that awful. I have always understood the dominance of a sexual partner requires mutual trust and respect together with patience. When you are pushing boundaries isn't it normally something that is done in stages to develop a greater understanding of what works for both of you; yes a sub may desire to giver their dom pleasure but not of the sacrifice of their own boundaries, that is something to be teased from the sub, pushed gently to enable them to take pleasure in their own evolution? I have always felt that the sub/dom relationship is rather illusionary in the sense it is the sub that gives up control (and therefore actually maintains control by the mere act of making a conscious decision to relinquish), both sides are supposed to acknowledge this on either a conscious or sub-conscious level. But maybe I have been doing it wrong.... I normally am
These weren't sub/dom relationships. Just women who said they like kinky rough sex on paper but in practice couldn't do anything.
A dom/Sub relationship isn't something you begin from the first meet in my opinion. Its something that you cultivate. In this #meetoo era a guy needs to be careful. I wouldn't even belt a girl until I knew them well. imagine they go to the cops and you're fucked.
Then I misunderstand your correlation with rough-sex and 50 shades of grey. The vast majority of "vanilla" porn is quite "rough" ; if I was to blame anything for a desire for 'rough sex', i would blame most of modern porn and not a book written (albeit poorly) about a sub/dom relationship.
As for treating someone "rough"; I wouldn't do that on a first meet for a number of reasons, but the main one being that people often exaggerate their desires from a swinging meet in an effort to secure that meet. Some men say they are repeat cummers, bi, bigger, stronger, better than they are. and women and couples may exaggerate their prowess, experience or interests. I find just getting to know someone in the first meet works best and regardless of whether the first meet is under the pretence of sub/dom or "rough", sure things can develop, but to be honest, I have no way of knowing how to pleasure and individual until I have started to see her response to my words, touch and behaviour..... Slowly, slowly, catchy monkey and all that."Exactly that - the first meet is about finding "the fit" how you are together, how you react to each other, how they react to being touched in certain ways, and then develops from there, talking to each other and understanding what worked and what didn't etc. | |||
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" These weren't sub/dom relationships. Just women who said they like kinky rough sex on paper but in practice couldn't do anything. A dom/Sub relationship isn't something you begin from the first meet in my opinion. Its something that you cultivate. In this #meetoo era a guy needs to be careful. I wouldn't even belt a girl until I knew them well. imagine they go to the cops and you're fucked. Even if they weren't sub/Dom relationships - did it not occur to you to have a conversation with the person concerned *beforehand* to understand what their idea of "kinky rough sex" was and be as sure as you could be that it matched with your own idea of what it was?" Yes and they would describe their idea of it but when you performed it they didn't like it. So basicaly it was just a fantasy for them that they didn't actually want or could do. So it wasted my time and I end up just leaving. Those were my naive days when I just took peoples word for things. Now I ask them but take it with a pinch of salt. What people say they're into and what they are actually into are often 2 separate things. | |||
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" These weren't sub/dom relationships. Just women who said they like kinky rough sex on paper but in practice couldn't do anything. A dom/Sub relationship isn't something you begin from the first meet in my opinion. Its something that you cultivate. In this #meetoo era a guy needs to be careful. I wouldn't even belt a girl until I knew them well. imagine they go to the cops and you're fucked. Even if they weren't sub/Dom relationships - did it not occur to you to have a conversation with the person concerned *beforehand* to understand what their idea of "kinky rough sex" was and be as sure as you could be that it matched with your own idea of what it was? Yes and they would describe their idea of it but when you performed it they didn't like it. So basicaly it was just a fantasy for them that they didn't actually want or could do. So it wasted my time and I end up just leaving. Those were my naive days when I just took peoples word for things. Now I ask them but take it with a pinch of salt. What people say they're into and what they are actually into are often 2 separate things. " Or what they are into or comfortable with changes depending on their level of trust with the person. The fact that you think it's OK to walk out half way through just because things aren't going your way would suggest you maybe lack the tact and understanding to nurture and encourage trust or any kind of connection which is the most important part. | |||
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" These weren't sub/dom relationships. Just women who said they like kinky rough sex on paper but in practice couldn't do anything. A dom/Sub relationship isn't something you begin from the first meet in my opinion. Its something that you cultivate. In this #meetoo era a guy needs to be careful. I wouldn't even belt a girl until I knew them well. imagine they go to the cops and you're fucked. Even if they weren't sub/Dom relationships - did it not occur to you to have a conversation with the person concerned *beforehand* to understand what their idea of "kinky rough sex" was and be as sure as you could be that it matched with your own idea of what it was? Yes and they would describe their idea of it but when you performed it they didn't like it. So basicaly it was just a fantasy for them that they didn't actually want or could do. So it wasted my time and I end up just leaving. Those were my naive days when I just took peoples word for things. Now I ask them but take it with a pinch of salt. What people say they're into and what they are actually into are often 2 separate things. " Perhaps more detailed questioning would have helped both you and they understand exactly what was required/likely to happen and whether there was likely to be a good match. There's also the thing to consider that fantasy is often very different in reality but there is only one way to find out if you like something, so perhaps an element of understanding of that would help. | |||
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" These weren't sub/dom relationships. Just women who said they like kinky rough sex on paper but in practice couldn't do anything. A dom/Sub relationship isn't something you begin from the first meet in my opinion. Its something that you cultivate. In this #meetoo era a guy needs to be careful. I wouldn't even belt a girl until I knew them well. imagine they go to the cops and you're fucked. Even if they weren't sub/Dom relationships - did it not occur to you to have a conversation with the person concerned *beforehand* to understand what their idea of "kinky rough sex" was and be as sure as you could be that it matched with your own idea of what it was? Yes and they would describe their idea of it but when you performed it they didn't like it. So basicaly it was just a fantasy for them that they didn't actually want or could do. So it wasted my time and I end up just leaving. Those were my naive days when I just took peoples word for things. Now I ask them but take it with a pinch of salt. What people say they're into and what they are actually into are often 2 separate things. Or what they are into or comfortable with changes depending on their level of trust with the person. The fact that you think it's OK to walk out half way through just because things aren't going your way would suggest you maybe lack the tact and understanding to nurture and encourage trust or any kind of connection which is the most important part. " | |||
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" These weren't sub/dom relationships. Just women who said they like kinky rough sex on paper but in practice couldn't do anything. A dom/Sub relationship isn't something you begin from the first meet in my opinion. Its something that you cultivate. In this #meetoo era a guy needs to be careful. I wouldn't even belt a girl until I knew them well. imagine they go to the cops and you're fucked. Even if they weren't sub/Dom relationships - did it not occur to you to have a conversation with the person concerned *beforehand* to understand what their idea of "kinky rough sex" was and be as sure as you could be that it matched with your own idea of what it was? Yes and they would describe their idea of it but when you performed it they didn't like it. So basicaly it was just a fantasy for them that they didn't actually want or could do. So it wasted my time and I end up just leaving. Those were my naive days when I just took peoples word for things. Now I ask them but take it with a pinch of salt. What people say they're into and what they are actually into are often 2 separate things. Perhaps more detailed questioning would have helped both you and they understand exactly what was required/likely to happen and whether there was likely to be a good match. There's also the thing to consider that fantasy is often very different in reality but there is only one way to find out if you like something, so perhaps an element of understanding of that would help." Like I said my naive days. I now ask a million questions and guage the person. Are they meaning what they say? Are they out of their depth etc??? | |||
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"Of course it hasn't ruined sex for me... I'm an adult with a mind of my own and the book was dire. Other women seem to have felt able to be more liberated as a result of it, which is no bad thing. However, it has also resulted in a plethora of would be Doms... especially on sites like this." I agree | |||
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" These weren't sub/dom relationships. Just women who said they like kinky rough sex on paper but in practice couldn't do anything. A dom/Sub relationship isn't something you begin from the first meet in my opinion. Its something that you cultivate. In this #meetoo era a guy needs to be careful. I wouldn't even belt a girl until I knew them well. imagine they go to the cops and you're fucked. Even if they weren't sub/Dom relationships - did it not occur to you to have a conversation with the person concerned *beforehand* to understand what their idea of "kinky rough sex" was and be as sure as you could be that it matched with your own idea of what it was? Yes and they would describe their idea of it but when you performed it they didn't like it. So basicaly it was just a fantasy for them that they didn't actually want or could do. So it wasted my time and I end up just leaving. Those were my naive days when I just took peoples word for things. Now I ask them but take it with a pinch of salt. What people say they're into and what they are actually into are often 2 separate things. Or what they are into or comfortable with changes depending on their level of trust with the person. The fact that you think it's OK to walk out half way through just because things aren't going your way would suggest you maybe lack the tact and understanding to nurture and encourage trust or any kind of connection which is the most important part. " Ermm.. I'm sure you've been catfished and decided to "build a connection" and fuck them anyway....not. If they said they only like vanila sex I wouldn't have met them. Rule of thumb is don't over promise something you can't deliver. | |||
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" These weren't sub/dom relationships. Just women who said they like kinky rough sex on paper but in practice couldn't do anything. A dom/Sub relationship isn't something you begin from the first meet in my opinion. Its something that you cultivate. In this #meetoo era a guy needs to be careful. I wouldn't even belt a girl until I knew them well. imagine they go to the cops and you're fucked. Even if they weren't sub/Dom relationships - did it not occur to you to have a conversation with the person concerned *beforehand* to understand what their idea of "kinky rough sex" was and be as sure as you could be that it matched with your own idea of what it was? Yes and they would describe their idea of it but when you performed it they didn't like it. So basicaly it was just a fantasy for them that they didn't actually want or could do. So it wasted my time and I end up just leaving. Those were my naive days when I just took peoples word for things. Now I ask them but take it with a pinch of salt. What people say they're into and what they are actually into are often 2 separate things. Perhaps more detailed questioning would have helped both you and they understand exactly what was required/likely to happen and whether there was likely to be a good match. There's also the thing to consider that fantasy is often very different in reality but there is only one way to find out if you like something, so perhaps an element of understanding of that would help. Like I said my naive days. I now ask a million questions and guage the person. Are they meaning what they say? Are they out of their depth etc???" If what you're referring to was from your "naive days" I'm not entirely sure of the relevance of raising it now then? Because basically it comes down to some people not matching what you are looking for, which could probably be said for 99% of the people we all interact with on here on a daily basis. | |||
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"Has the books and films ruined sex for you? Since the books became popular I've been meeting women who say they are into kinky stuff but when it comes down to it the stuff they're into is vanilla like Morrison brand Ice cream. As someone who's a hypersexual and has alot of kinks and fetishes I find women say they're into all these little fetishes because they read it in a book. I read a chapter from a book as a work colleague left it in the office. It was so naff, cheesy and cringe worthy. Do women actually think all that stuff is kinky? I think it's important to understand that different people have a different point of reference when it comes to this sort of thing. If you have been a swinger or on this type of site for a while and socialise/befriend people of this ilk then your point of reference for sexual deviance (your sexual desire/awareness bar) is much higher than someone who has not been in this situation. Regardless of its literal quality (of which it is quite poor, In my opinion) is has awakened in some people desires that have been dormant or experiences that they have been missing (perhaps). It has also brought some In this sense the books/films have probably attracted a large number of people to a more hedonistic lifestyle, some will stay but most will go after dabbling, some will discover that their sexual boundary bar is much lower than yours. I applaud anything that liberates people and reduces fear of the unknown, to enable them to express themselves in an open and non-judged way, so although I may not enjoy the books or see their literal merit, I do appreciate the positive impact they have had on some peoples self-esteem, liberty and sexual exploration." | |||
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" These weren't sub/dom relationships. Just women who said they like kinky rough sex on paper but in practice couldn't do anything. A dom/Sub relationship isn't something you begin from the first meet in my opinion. Its something that you cultivate. In this #meetoo era a guy needs to be careful. I wouldn't even belt a girl until I knew them well. imagine they go to the cops and you're fucked. Even if they weren't sub/Dom relationships - did it not occur to you to have a conversation with the person concerned *beforehand* to understand what their idea of "kinky rough sex" was and be as sure as you could be that it matched with your own idea of what it was? Yes and they would describe their idea of it but when you performed it they didn't like it. So basicaly it was just a fantasy for them that they didn't actually want or could do. So it wasted my time and I end up just leaving. Those were my naive days when I just took peoples word for things. Now I ask them but take it with a pinch of salt. What people say they're into and what they are actually into are often 2 separate things. Perhaps more detailed questioning would have helped both you and they understand exactly what was required/likely to happen and whether there was likely to be a good match. There's also the thing to consider that fantasy is often very different in reality but there is only one way to find out if you like something, so perhaps an element of understanding of that would help. Like I said my naive days. I now ask a million questions and guage the person. Are they meaning what they say? Are they out of their depth etc??? If what you're referring to was from your "naive days" I'm not entirely sure of the relevance of raising it now then? Because basically it comes down to some people not matching what you are looking for, which could probably be said for 99% of the people we all interact with on here on a daily basis." Forums are a place to discuss topics whether they are relevant now or not. I just saw a comment about 50 shades and decided to post to ask people if its affected their sex life in the same way its affected mine. I don't see anything wrong with that, you seem to be eager to just argue, if you don't like the topic move on | |||
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"Belt a girl???? Hope there are multiple meanings to this phrase and not the first one that springs to mind You must be a novice and a 50 shades fan To belt someone or something was to hit them them/it as hard as possible where I grew up Yes that's exactly what it means. You never belted a girl/guy?" Never have and never will "belt" a lady in those terms. It may be seen as acceptable to some, but personally not to me | |||
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" These weren't sub/dom relationships. Just women who said they like kinky rough sex on paper but in practice couldn't do anything. A dom/Sub relationship isn't something you begin from the first meet in my opinion. Its something that you cultivate. In this #meetoo era a guy needs to be careful. I wouldn't even belt a girl until I knew them well. imagine they go to the cops and you're fucked. Even if they weren't sub/Dom relationships - did it not occur to you to have a conversation with the person concerned *beforehand* to understand what their idea of "kinky rough sex" was and be as sure as you could be that it matched with your own idea of what it was? Yes and they would describe their idea of it but when you performed it they didn't like it. So basicaly it was just a fantasy for them that they didn't actually want or could do. So it wasted my time and I end up just leaving. Those were my naive days when I just took peoples word for things. Now I ask them but take it with a pinch of salt. What people say they're into and what they are actually into are often 2 separate things. Or what they are into or comfortable with changes depending on their level of trust with the person. The fact that you think it's OK to walk out half way through just because things aren't going your way would suggest you maybe lack the tact and understanding to nurture and encourage trust or any kind of connection which is the most important part. Ermm.. I'm sure you've been catfished and decided to "build a connection" and fuck them anyway....not. If they said they only like vanila sex I wouldn't have met them. Rule of thumb is don't over promise something you can't deliver. " Yes but one person's vanilla sex is another person's kinky as fuck sex - which is why discussion and understanding is so important, particularly on sites like this. As you yourself have admitted, this was all in your "naive days" when you were arguably as much, if not more, to blame for not having been clear in your expectations - them promising something which didn't meet your standards, when you hadn't clearly laid out those standards, is not them not delivering, but you not understanding what the delivery was. | |||
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"Belt a girl???? Hope there are multiple meanings to this phrase and not the first one that springs to mind You must be a novice and a 50 shades fan To belt someone or something was to hit them them/it as hard as possible where I grew up Yes that's exactly what it means. You never belted a girl/guy? Never have and never will "belt" a lady in those terms. It may be seen as acceptable to some, but personally not to me" I don't think you actually understand what bdsm or dom sub is so i get it | |||
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" These weren't sub/dom relationships. Just women who said they like kinky rough sex on paper but in practice couldn't do anything. A dom/Sub relationship isn't something you begin from the first meet in my opinion. Its something that you cultivate. In this #meetoo era a guy needs to be careful. I wouldn't even belt a girl until I knew them well. imagine they go to the cops and you're fucked. Even if they weren't sub/Dom relationships - did it not occur to you to have a conversation with the person concerned *beforehand* to understand what their idea of "kinky rough sex" was and be as sure as you could be that it matched with your own idea of what it was? Yes and they would describe their idea of it but when you performed it they didn't like it. So basicaly it was just a fantasy for them that they didn't actually want or could do. So it wasted my time and I end up just leaving. Those were my naive days when I just took peoples word for things. Now I ask them but take it with a pinch of salt. What people say they're into and what they are actually into are often 2 separate things. Or what they are into or comfortable with changes depending on their level of trust with the person. The fact that you think it's OK to walk out half way through just because things aren't going your way would suggest you maybe lack the tact and understanding to nurture and encourage trust or any kind of connection which is the most important part. Ermm.. I'm sure you've been catfished and decided to "build a connection" and fuck them anyway....not. If they said they only like vanila sex I wouldn't have met them. Rule of thumb is don't over promise something you can't deliver. Yes but one person's vanilla sex is another person's kinky as fuck sex - which is why discussion and understanding is so important, particularly on sites like this. As you yourself have admitted, this was all in your "naive days" when you were arguably as much, if not more, to blame for not having been clear in your expectations - them promising something which didn't meet your standards, when you hadn't clearly laid out those standards, is not them not delivering, but you not understanding what the delivery was." How do you know I didnt clearly lay out what I'm looking for? Were you there? Did you witness my conversations? How do you conclude I'm to blame? You're trying to come off all knowing and wise but you're waffling now mate. This conversation is over with you. | |||
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" These weren't sub/dom relationships. Just women who said they like kinky rough sex on paper but in practice couldn't do anything. A dom/Sub relationship isn't something you begin from the first meet in my opinion. Its something that you cultivate. In this #meetoo era a guy needs to be careful. I wouldn't even belt a girl until I knew them well. imagine they go to the cops and you're fucked. Even if they weren't sub/Dom relationships - did it not occur to you to have a conversation with the person concerned *beforehand* to understand what their idea of "kinky rough sex" was and be as sure as you could be that it matched with your own idea of what it was? Yes and they would describe their idea of it but when you performed it they didn't like it. So basicaly it was just a fantasy for them that they didn't actually want or could do. So it wasted my time and I end up just leaving. Those were my naive days when I just took peoples word for things. Now I ask them but take it with a pinch of salt. What people say they're into and what they are actually into are often 2 separate things. Or what they are into or comfortable with changes depending on their level of trust with the person. The fact that you think it's OK to walk out half way through just because things aren't going your way would suggest you maybe lack the tact and understanding to nurture and encourage trust or any kind of connection which is the most important part. " Worrying.  | |||
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" These weren't sub/dom relationships. Just women who said they like kinky rough sex on paper but in practice couldn't do anything. A dom/Sub relationship isn't something you begin from the first meet in my opinion. Its something that you cultivate. In this #meetoo era a guy needs to be careful. I wouldn't even belt a girl until I knew them well. imagine they go to the cops and you're fucked. Even if they weren't sub/Dom relationships - did it not occur to you to have a conversation with the person concerned *beforehand* to understand what their idea of "kinky rough sex" was and be as sure as you could be that it matched with your own idea of what it was? Yes and they would describe their idea of it but when you performed it they didn't like it. So basicaly it was just a fantasy for them that they didn't actually want or could do. So it wasted my time and I end up just leaving. Those were my naive days when I just took peoples word for things. Now I ask them but take it with a pinch of salt. What people say they're into and what they are actually into are often 2 separate things. Perhaps more detailed questioning would have helped both you and they understand exactly what was required/likely to happen and whether there was likely to be a good match. There's also the thing to consider that fantasy is often very different in reality but there is only one way to find out if you like something, so perhaps an element of understanding of that would help. Like I said my naive days. I now ask a million questions and guage the person. Are they meaning what they say? Are they out of their depth etc??? If what you're referring to was from your "naive days" I'm not entirely sure of the relevance of raising it now then? Because basically it comes down to some people not matching what you are looking for, which could probably be said for 99% of the people we all interact with on here on a daily basis. Forums are a place to discuss topics whether they are relevant now or not. I just saw a comment about 50 shades and decided to post to ask people if its affected their sex life in the same way its affected mine. I don't see anything wrong with that, you seem to be eager to just argue, if you don't like the topic move on " No argument here, it's a topic I very much enjoy discussing and debating, and the relevance does play a part as if you have moved on from your "naive days" as you called them, it does simply come down to some people not being matched to what you are looking for, as I said, rather than those books having any real impact. As I said up thread, how good/bad those books are is open to debate, but the fact they have opened some people's eyes to parts of their sexuality, in the same way as BDSM porn and sex sites generally opened my eyes to parts of mine, can be seen as a good thing and not just a bad one. | |||
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"The first book was a passible read, but the rest and the movie were a bag of shite. They have certainly lead to lots of wannabe Doms who truly have no clue and am sure there are lots of wannabe subs too. I am very honest about my experiences and my inexperience in some areas. I have hard and soft limits and will always ask prospective play partners about theirs. Lots of people are not so honest, but I think it is generally quite easy to pick that up during conversation before deciding to meet. " Yeah I tend to ask alot more questions now. Its funny because of the book and films I've had to change my approach. Where as before you could tell if someone was vanilla or kinky now EVERYONE says they're kinky so it was alot easier before. Now its almost like you have to treat it like a police interrogation and assume they are lying about what they are into or want. I always have tell tale signs though | |||
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"Belt a girl???? Hope there are multiple meanings to this phrase and not the first one that springs to mind You must be a novice and a 50 shades fan To belt someone or something was to hit them them/it as hard as possible where I grew up Yes that's exactly what it means. You never belted a girl/guy? Never have and never will "belt" a lady in those terms. It may be seen as acceptable to some, but personally not to me I don't think you actually understand what bdsm or dom sub is so i get it" I would argue that you don't get it. There is a whole spectrum of bdsm and dom sub relationships (same as there are other types of relationship), not just those that rely upon the most extreme levels of physical pain. Recognising someone's limits and respecting them is what it is about, building the trust for those limits to explored consensually. The fact that you would walk out half way through without a consideration for the other person speaks volumes. | |||
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" These weren't sub/dom relationships. Just women who said they like kinky rough sex on paper but in practice couldn't do anything. A dom/Sub relationship isn't something you begin from the first meet in my opinion. Its something that you cultivate. In this #meetoo era a guy needs to be careful. I wouldn't even belt a girl until I knew them well. imagine they go to the cops and you're fucked. Even if they weren't sub/Dom relationships - did it not occur to you to have a conversation with the person concerned *beforehand* to understand what their idea of "kinky rough sex" was and be as sure as you could be that it matched with your own idea of what it was? Yes and they would describe their idea of it but when you performed it they didn't like it. So basicaly it was just a fantasy for them that they didn't actually want or could do. So it wasted my time and I end up just leaving. Those were my naive days when I just took peoples word for things. Now I ask them but take it with a pinch of salt. What people say they're into and what they are actually into are often 2 separate things. Or what they are into or comfortable with changes depending on their level of trust with the person. The fact that you think it's OK to walk out half way through just because things aren't going your way would suggest you maybe lack the tact and understanding to nurture and encourage trust or any kind of connection which is the most important part. Worrying. "Its worrying that you both seem to think its cool to lie to people just to get them into bed. If you tell me you love oral and then when in bed you say you hate it, yeah I'm gonna leave. You've protrayed something you're not. | |||
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"Belt a girl???? Hope there are multiple meanings to this phrase and not the first one that springs to mind You must be a novice and a 50 shades fan To belt someone or something was to hit them them/it as hard as possible where I grew up Yes that's exactly what it means. You never belted a girl/guy? Never have and never will "belt" a lady in those terms. It may be seen as acceptable to some, but personally not to me I don't think you actually understand what bdsm or dom sub is so i get it I would argue that you don't get it. There is a whole spectrum of bdsm and dom sub relationships (same as there are other types of relationship), not just those that rely upon the most extreme levels of physical pain. Recognising someone's limits and respecting them is what it is about, building the trust for those limits to explored consensually. The fact that you would walk out half way through without a consideration for the other person speaks volumes. " Lol another bdsm expert telling me something he is clueless about | |||
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" These weren't sub/dom relationships. Just women who said they like kinky rough sex on paper but in practice couldn't do anything. A dom/Sub relationship isn't something you begin from the first meet in my opinion. Its something that you cultivate. In this #meetoo era a guy needs to be careful. I wouldn't even belt a girl until I knew them well. imagine they go to the cops and you're fucked. Even if they weren't sub/Dom relationships - did it not occur to you to have a conversation with the person concerned *beforehand* to understand what their idea of "kinky rough sex" was and be as sure as you could be that it matched with your own idea of what it was? Yes and they would describe their idea of it but when you performed it they didn't like it. So basicaly it was just a fantasy for them that they didn't actually want or could do. So it wasted my time and I end up just leaving. Those were my naive days when I just took peoples word for things. Now I ask them but take it with a pinch of salt. What people say they're into and what they are actually into are often 2 separate things. Or what they are into or comfortable with changes depending on their level of trust with the person. The fact that you think it's OK to walk out half way through just because things aren't going your way would suggest you maybe lack the tact and understanding to nurture and encourage trust or any kind of connection which is the most important part. Worrying.
Its worrying that you both seem to think its cool to lie to people just to get them into bed. If you tell me you love oral and then when in bed you say you hate it, yeah I'm gonna leave. You've protrayed something you're not. "I find your attitude really disrespectful. Perhaps they sense the same, then the trust has gone and they don't want to do anything after all. Women don't need to lie to get men into bed. Just because they said they liked something, doesn't mean it's a guarantee they will do it. They can change consent at any time. Probably is best you leave at that point like you say you do. | |||
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" These weren't sub/dom relationships. Just women who said they like kinky rough sex on paper but in practice couldn't do anything. A dom/Sub relationship isn't something you begin from the first meet in my opinion. Its something that you cultivate. In this #meetoo era a guy needs to be careful. I wouldn't even belt a girl until I knew them well. imagine they go to the cops and you're fucked. Even if they weren't sub/Dom relationships - did it not occur to you to have a conversation with the person concerned *beforehand* to understand what their idea of "kinky rough sex" was and be as sure as you could be that it matched with your own idea of what it was? Yes and they would describe their idea of it but when you performed it they didn't like it. So basicaly it was just a fantasy for them that they didn't actually want or could do. So it wasted my time and I end up just leaving. Those were my naive days when I just took peoples word for things. Now I ask them but take it with a pinch of salt. What people say they're into and what they are actually into are often 2 separate things. Or what they are into or comfortable with changes depending on their level of trust with the person. The fact that you think it's OK to walk out half way through just because things aren't going your way would suggest you maybe lack the tact and understanding to nurture and encourage trust or any kind of connection which is the most important part. Ermm.. I'm sure you've been catfished and decided to "build a connection" and fuck them anyway....not. If they said they only like vanila sex I wouldn't have met them. Rule of thumb is don't over promise something you can't deliver. Yes but one person's vanilla sex is another person's kinky as fuck sex - which is why discussion and understanding is so important, particularly on sites like this. As you yourself have admitted, this was all in your "naive days" when you were arguably as much, if not more, to blame for not having been clear in your expectations - them promising something which didn't meet your standards, when you hadn't clearly laid out those standards, is not them not delivering, but you not understanding what the delivery was. How do you know I didnt clearly lay out what I'm looking for? Were you there? Did you witness my conversations? How do you conclude I'm to blame? You're trying to come off all knowing and wise but you're waffling now mate. This conversation is over with you. " No of course I wasn't there - but you yourself answered all those questions when you said: "So basicaly it was just a fantasy for them that they didn't actually want or could do. So it wasted my time and I end up just leaving. Those were my naive days when I just took peoples word for things. Now I ask them but take it with a pinch of salt. What people say they're into and what they are actually into are often 2 separate things." And also: "Like I said my naive days. I now ask a million questions and guage the person. Are they meaning what they say? Are they out of their depth etc???" Both of which, by your own admission, confirm that there was a time when you weren't clear in what you were looking for, or would be doing, so yes, you are to blame for not having done so - no waffling, just plain and simple fact. Likewise your confirmation that your approach is different now. | |||
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"Belt a girl???? Hope there are multiple meanings to this phrase and not the first one that springs to mind You must be a novice and a 50 shades fan To belt someone or something was to hit them them/it as hard as possible where I grew up Yes that's exactly what it means. You never belted a girl/guy? Never have and never will "belt" a lady in those terms. It may be seen as acceptable to some, but personally not to me I don't think you actually understand what bdsm or dom sub is so i get it I would argue that you don't get it. There is a whole spectrum of bdsm and dom sub relationships (same as there are other types of relationship), not just those that rely upon the most extreme levels of physical pain. Recognising someone's limits and respecting them is what it is about, building the trust for those limits to explored consensually. The fact that you would walk out half way through without a consideration for the other person speaks volumes. " | |||
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" These weren't sub/dom relationships. Just women who said they like kinky rough sex on paper but in practice couldn't do anything. A dom/Sub relationship isn't something you begin from the first meet in my opinion. Its something that you cultivate. In this #meetoo era a guy needs to be careful. I wouldn't even belt a girl until I knew them well. imagine they go to the cops and you're fucked. Even if they weren't sub/Dom relationships - did it not occur to you to have a conversation with the person concerned *beforehand* to understand what their idea of "kinky rough sex" was and be as sure as you could be that it matched with your own idea of what it was? Yes and they would describe their idea of it but when you performed it they didn't like it. So basicaly it was just a fantasy for them that they didn't actually want or could do. So it wasted my time and I end up just leaving. Those were my naive days when I just took peoples word for things. Now I ask them but take it with a pinch of salt. What people say they're into and what they are actually into are often 2 separate things. Or what they are into or comfortable with changes depending on their level of trust with the person. The fact that you think it's OK to walk out half way through just because things aren't going your way would suggest you maybe lack the tact and understanding to nurture and encourage trust or any kind of connection which is the most important part. Worrying.
Its worrying that you both seem to think its cool to lie to people just to get them into bed. If you tell me you love oral and then when in bed you say you hate it, yeah I'm gonna leave. You've protrayed something you're not.
I find your attitude really disrespectful. Perhaps they sense the same, then the trust has gone and they don't want to do anything after all.
Women don't need to lie to get men into bed.
Just because they said they liked something, doesn't mean it's a guarantee they will do it. They can change consent at any time.
Probably is best you leave at that point like you say you do. "I find your attitude disrespectful actually. So you contradict yourself, firstly you say its bad for me to walk out and now its ok. Make up your mind. I wouldnt force my sexul preferences on a woman so why should she be allowed to force hers on me? Also they don't change their mind, you're just trying to find excuses. They were never into those things from the start and just wanted their own gratifications instead. Sorry sex is a 2 way street. Its not always about 1 person. | |||
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" These weren't sub/dom relationships. Just women who said they like kinky rough sex on paper but in practice couldn't do anything. A dom/Sub relationship isn't something you begin from the first meet in my opinion. Its something that you cultivate. In this #meetoo era a guy needs to be careful. I wouldn't even belt a girl until I knew them well. imagine they go to the cops and you're fucked. Even if they weren't sub/Dom relationships - did it not occur to you to have a conversation with the person concerned *beforehand* to understand what their idea of "kinky rough sex" was and be as sure as you could be that it matched with your own idea of what it was? Yes and they would describe their idea of it but when you performed it they didn't like it. So basicaly it was just a fantasy for them that they didn't actually want or could do. So it wasted my time and I end up just leaving. Those were my naive days when I just took peoples word for things. Now I ask them but take it with a pinch of salt. What people say they're into and what they are actually into are often 2 separate things. Or what they are into or comfortable with changes depending on their level of trust with the person. The fact that you think it's OK to walk out half way through just because things aren't going your way would suggest you maybe lack the tact and understanding to nurture and encourage trust or any kind of connection which is the most important part. Ermm.. I'm sure you've been catfished and decided to "build a connection" and fuck them anyway....not. If they said they only like vanila sex I wouldn't have met them. Rule of thumb is don't over promise something you can't deliver. Yes but one person's vanilla sex is another person's kinky as fuck sex - which is why discussion and understanding is so important, particularly on sites like this. As you yourself have admitted, this was all in your "naive days" when you were arguably as much, if not more, to blame for not having been clear in your expectations - them promising something which didn't meet your standards, when you hadn't clearly laid out those standards, is not them not delivering, but you not understanding what the delivery was. How do you know I didnt clearly lay out what I'm looking for? Were you there? Did you witness my conversations? How do you conclude I'm to blame? You're trying to come off all knowing and wise but you're waffling now mate. This conversation is over with you. No of course I wasn't there - but you yourself answered all those questions when you said: So basicaly it was just a fantasy for them that they didn't actually want or could do. So it wasted my time and I end up just leaving. Those were my naive days when I just took peoples word for things. Now I ask them but take it with a pinch of salt. What people say they're into and what they are actually into are often 2 separate things. And also: Like I said my naive days. I now ask a million questions and guage the person. Are they meaning what they say? Are they out of their depth etc??? Both of which, by your own admission, confirm that there was a time when you weren't clear in what you were looking for, or would be doing, so yes, you are to blame for not having done so - no waffling, just plain and simple fact. Likewise your confirmation that your approach is different now. " Perhaps you need to learn to read. Firstly i never said i didnt make it clear. I made it very clear and they agreed but where I went wrong is I didnt further question it. So where I was clear with my expectations they over promised what they are into. I think we shall end it there because clearly you're having your own conversation on your head about things i never said | |||
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" These weren't sub/dom relationships. Just women who said they like kinky rough sex on paper but in practice couldn't do anything. A dom/Sub relationship isn't something you begin from the first meet in my opinion. Its something that you cultivate. In this #meetoo era a guy needs to be careful. I wouldn't even belt a girl until I knew them well. imagine they go to the cops and you're fucked. Even if they weren't sub/Dom relationships - did it not occur to you to have a conversation with the person concerned *beforehand* to understand what their idea of "kinky rough sex" was and be as sure as you could be that it matched with your own idea of what it was? Yes and they would describe their idea of it but when you performed it they didn't like it. So basicaly it was just a fantasy for them that they didn't actually want or could do. So it wasted my time and I end up just leaving. Those were my naive days when I just took peoples word for things. Now I ask them but take it with a pinch of salt. What people say they're into and what they are actually into are often 2 separate things. Or what they are into or comfortable with changes depending on their level of trust with the person. The fact that you think it's OK to walk out half way through just because things aren't going your way would suggest you maybe lack the tact and understanding to nurture and encourage trust or any kind of connection which is the most important part. Worrying.
Its worrying that you both seem to think its cool to lie to people just to get them into bed. If you tell me you love oral and then when in bed you say you hate it, yeah I'm gonna leave. You've protrayed something you're not.
I find your attitude really disrespectful. Perhaps they sense the same, then the trust has gone and they don't want to do anything after all.
Women don't need to lie to get men into bed.
Just because they said they liked something, doesn't mean it's a guarantee they will do it. They can change consent at any time.
Probably is best you leave at that point like you say you do.
I find your attitude disrespectful actually. So you contradict yourself, firstly you say its bad for me to walk out and now its ok. Make up your mind.
I wouldnt force my sexul preferences on a woman so why should she be allowed to force hers on me?
Also they don't change their mind, you're just trying to find excuses. They were never into those things from the start and just wanted their own gratifications instead.
Sorry sex is a 2 way street. Its not always about 1 person. "Sex is indeed a two way street and finding those that match with yours is the key here - however I don't actually think in this instance it's a case of anyone "lying to get you into bed" - more a case of one person's understanding of a specific activity being wildly different from another's - "rough sex" to some may mean just doing it hard and fast for a while - "rough sex" to others may mean the whole being thrown around, hair pulled, face fucked, mascara running, slapped and name called - the key is *both* people understanding what each other's definition is *before* even getting to the bedroom, and that can only come through communication, which you yourself have said wasn't as clear in the past as it could have been. No-one's lied, it's just two people who weren't on the same page. Were you right to walk out in those circumstances? In my view you shouldn't even have been there in the first place if you weren't 100% sure that what the other person was looking for was what you were looking for, and you've already confirmed you weren't back in your "naive days" - quite frankly if I were one of the ladies concerned and you started doing things to me which I had not been expecting then I would have been the one to walk. | |||
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" These weren't sub/dom relationships. Just women who said they like kinky rough sex on paper but in practice couldn't do anything. A dom/Sub relationship isn't something you begin from the first meet in my opinion. Its something that you cultivate. In this #meetoo era a guy needs to be careful. I wouldn't even belt a girl until I knew them well. imagine they go to the cops and you're fucked. Even if they weren't sub/Dom relationships - did it not occur to you to have a conversation with the person concerned *beforehand* to understand what their idea of "kinky rough sex" was and be as sure as you could be that it matched with your own idea of what it was? Yes and they would describe their idea of it but when you performed it they didn't like it. So basicaly it was just a fantasy for them that they didn't actually want or could do. So it wasted my time and I end up just leaving. Those were my naive days when I just took peoples word for things. Now I ask them but take it with a pinch of salt. What people say they're into and what they are actually into are often 2 separate things. Or what they are into or comfortable with changes depending on their level of trust with the person. The fact that you think it's OK to walk out half way through just because things aren't going your way would suggest you maybe lack the tact and understanding to nurture and encourage trust or any kind of connection which is the most important part. Ermm.. I'm sure you've been catfished and decided to "build a connection" and fuck them anyway....not. If they said they only like vanila sex I wouldn't have met them. Rule of thumb is don't over promise something you can't deliver. Yes but one person's vanilla sex is another person's kinky as fuck sex - which is why discussion and understanding is so important, particularly on sites like this. As you yourself have admitted, this was all in your "naive days" when you were arguably as much, if not more, to blame for not having been clear in your expectations - them promising something which didn't meet your standards, when you hadn't clearly laid out those standards, is not them not delivering, but you not understanding what the delivery was. How do you know I didnt clearly lay out what I'm looking for? Were you there? Did you witness my conversations? How do you conclude I'm to blame? You're trying to come off all knowing and wise but you're waffling now mate. This conversation is over with you. No of course I wasn't there - but you yourself answered all those questions when you said: So basicaly it was just a fantasy for them that they didn't actually want or could do. So it wasted my time and I end up just leaving. Those were my naive days when I just took peoples word for things. Now I ask them but take it with a pinch of salt. What people say they're into and what they are actually into are often 2 separate things. And also: Like I said my naive days. I now ask a million questions and guage the person. Are they meaning what they say? Are they out of their depth etc??? Both of which, by your own admission, confirm that there was a time when you weren't clear in what you were looking for, or would be doing, so yes, you are to blame for not having done so - no waffling, just plain and simple fact. Likewise your confirmation that your approach is different now. Perhaps you need to learn to read. Firstly i never said i didnt make it clear. I made it very clear and they agreed but where I went wrong is I didnt further question it. So where I was clear with my expectations they over promised what they are into. I think we shall end it there because clearly you're having your own conversation on your head about things i never said" You can try and throw it back at me as much as you like but I'd suggest if anyone is changing their tune to fit it their argument it's not me. And I can't hear the voices in my head as this damned tinnitus is driving me nuts still
Simple fact of the matter is communication is king and if either person involved is not happy with the way something has gone, then that communication has broken down on both sides and left people on different pages of the hymn sheet.
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" These weren't sub/dom relationships. Just women who said they like kinky rough sex on paper but in practice couldn't do anything. A dom/Sub relationship isn't something you begin from the first meet in my opinion. Its something that you cultivate. In this #meetoo era a guy needs to be careful. I wouldn't even belt a girl until I knew them well. imagine they go to the cops and you're fucked. Even if they weren't sub/Dom relationships - did it not occur to you to have a conversation with the person concerned *beforehand* to understand what their idea of "kinky rough sex" was and be as sure as you could be that it matched with your own idea of what it was? Yes and they would describe their idea of it but when you performed it they didn't like it. So basicaly it was just a fantasy for them that they didn't actually want or could do. So it wasted my time and I end up just leaving. Those were my naive days when I just took peoples word for things. Now I ask them but take it with a pinch of salt. What people say they're into and what they are actually into are often 2 separate things. Or what they are into or comfortable with changes depending on their level of trust with the person. The fact that you think it's OK to walk out half way through just because things aren't going your way would suggest you maybe lack the tact and understanding to nurture and encourage trust or any kind of connection which is the most important part. Worrying.
Its worrying that you both seem to think its cool to lie to people just to get them into bed. If you tell me you love oral and then when in bed you say you hate it, yeah I'm gonna leave. You've protrayed something you're not.
I find your attitude really disrespectful. Perhaps they sense the same, then the trust has gone and they don't want to do anything after all.
Women don't need to lie to get men into bed.
Just because they said they liked something, doesn't mean it's a guarantee they will do it. They can change consent at any time.
Probably is best you leave at that point like you say you do.
I find your attitude disrespectful actually. So you contradict yourself, firstly you say its bad for me to walk out and now its ok. Make up your mind.
I wouldnt force my sexul preferences on a woman so why should she be allowed to force hers on me?
Also they don't change their mind, you're just trying to find excuses. They were never into those things from the start and just wanted their own gratifications instead.
Sorry sex is a 2 way street. Its not always about 1 person.
Sex is indeed a two way street and finding those that match with yours is the key here - however I don't actually think in this instance it's a case of anyone "lying to get you into bed" - more a case of one person's understanding of a specific activity being wildly different from another's - "rough sex" to some may mean just doing it hard and fast for a while - "rough sex" to others may mean the whole being thrown around, hair pulled, face fucked, mascara running, slapped and name called - the key is *both* people understanding what each other's definition is *before* even getting to the bedroom, and that can only come through communication, which you yourself have said wasn't as clear in the past as it could have been.
No-one's lied, it's just two people who weren't on the same page.
Were you right to walk out in those circumstances? In my view you shouldn't even have been there in the first place if you weren't 100% sure that what the other person was looking for was what you were looking for, and you've already confirmed you weren't back in your "naive days" - quite frankly if I were one of the ladies concerned and you started doing things to me which I had not been expecting then I would have been the one to walk."Mate what are you waffling on about? No one said they lied to get me in bed, thats something the others are saying. All I said was they weren't geniune with what they were into despite me being VERY clear. maybe they lied because they were horny and wanted dick, maybe they lied because they thought they were into rough sex and after getting it they realised they aren't, maybe its another reason, I don't know. If I'm not going to get sexual gratification I'm gonna walk out like anyone else. Why should I make myself uncomfortable just because someone else doesn't know what they want? Like I said i wa s young and naive and just took peoples word at the time. Now I don't, i don't believe people when they tell me what they're into, i test them out and sus them before I even think of sex with them. | |||
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"It’s more the men that have read/watched 50 shades and think they know what they’re talking about. But no - it hasn’t ruined sex for me. " This in bucket loads. I never finished either the book or film (didn’t bother with the sequels) - I found them to be cold, dull, formulaic and tedious. I think some chaps assume ladies find them a turn on and therefore consider them to be some sort of sex bible. It’s a bit like thinking Ann Summers is a sex shop. 50 Shades is just a high street toe dip. Try the Louisa Berry books - Vanilla Extract is the first one. It’s not fetish, but gives an interesting insight into the swinging lifestyle with good humour. | |||
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"Has the books and films ruined sex for you? Since the books became popular I've been meeting women who say they are into kinky stuff but when it comes down to it the stuff they're into is vanilla like Morrison brand Ice cream. As someone who's a hypersexual and has alot of kinks and fetishes I find women say they're into all these little fetishes because they read it in a book. I read a chapter from a book as a work colleague left it in the office. It was so naff, cheesy and cringe worthy. Do women actually think all that stuff is kinky? " Never read it or see the films. It’s never appealed to me Mrs J x | |||
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"Mate what are you waffling on about? No one said they lied to get me in bed, thats something the others are saying. All I said was they weren't geniune with what they were into despite me being VERY clear. maybe they lied because they were horny and wanted dick, maybe they lied because they thought they were into rough sex and after getting it they realised they aren't, maybe its another reason, I don't know. If I'm not going to get sexual gratification I'm gonna walk out like anyone else. Why should I make myself uncomfortable just because someone else doesn't know what they want? Like I said i wa s young and naive and just took peoples word at the time. Now I don't, i don't believe people when they tell me what they're into, i test them out and sus them before I even think of sex with them. " I'm still not waffling
But you *have* said several times throughout this thread that these women lied to get you into bed - here's an example:
"Its worrying that you both seem to think its cool to lie to people just to get them into bed. If you tell me you love oral and then when in bed you say you hate it, yeah I'm gonna leave. You've protrayed something you're no" You've also said it again in your response above by saying they weren't genuine with what they were into. You've also confirmed several times you were young and naive and didn't ensure that what you were looking for was what they were and have changed your approach since, which if you really were as clear as you say you were wouldn't have been necessary. The key here, as I keep saying, is communication and being 100% sure everyone is on the same page and if that is now the case then wonderful - job done | |||
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"Mate what are you waffling on about? No one said they lied to get me in bed, thats something the others are saying. All I said was they weren't geniune with what they were into despite me being VERY clear. maybe they lied because they were horny and wanted dick, maybe they lied because they thought they were into rough sex and after getting it they realised they aren't, maybe its another reason, I don't know. If I'm not going to get sexual gratification I'm gonna walk out like anyone else. Why should I make myself uncomfortable just because someone else doesn't know what they want? Like I said i wa s young and naive and just took peoples word at the time. Now I don't, i don't believe people when they tell me what they're into, i test them out and sus them before I even think of sex with them. I'm still not waffling
But you *have* said several times throughout this thread that these women lied to get you into bed - here's an example:
Its worrying that you both seem to think its cool to lie to people just to get them into bed. If you tell me you love oral and then when in bed you say you hate it, yeah I'm gonna leave. You've protrayed something you're no
You've also said it again in your response above by saying they weren't genuine with what they were into.
You've also confirmed several times you were young and naive and didn't ensure that what you were looking for was what they were and have changed your approach since, which if you really were as clear as you say you were wouldn't have been necessary.
The key here, as I keep saying, is communication and being 100% sure everyone is on the same page and if that is now the case then wonderful - job done "Not the brightest tool in the shed are you. Perhaps understanding what context is will help you understand text. Your examples are not even valid. Ive said i made it clear but they just lied or over promised and here you are saying I wasn't clear still. Mate honestly talking to you is impossible as I have to explain every nuisance of every sentence to make you understand and still you don't get it. Go away and enjoy your weeken. Job done. | |||
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"For the record I didn't do anything to anyone they weren't expecting. Why do people on the forums struggle with basic reading? Do I have to talk as if you're all toddlers? I would say "i like hair pulling" they would say they love their hair pulled. Then when i did it they would say they don't like their hair touched. That is just a basic example. Don't tell me you like something and want it and when I do it you say you don't want it. I'm going to walk out because it screams catfish and set up to me. " I think the fact that this happened to you more than once would suggest you should maybe be looking at the common denominator in these situations which is you. I really can't imagine anyone would intentionally lie about something like that then go to the effort of meeting them, get to the point of intimacy and then back down just for fun. | |||
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"For the record I didn't do anything to anyone they weren't expecting. Why do people on the forums struggle with basic reading? Do I have to talk as if you're all toddlers? I would say "i like hair pulling" they would say they love their hair pulled. Then when i did it they would say they don't like their hair touched. That is just a basic example. Don't tell me you like something and want it and when I do it you say you don't want it. I'm going to walk out because it screams catfish and set up to me. I think the fact that this happened to you more than once would suggest you should maybe be looking at the common denominator in these situations which is you. I really can't imagine anyone would intentionally lie about something like that then go to the effort of meeting them, get to the point of intimacy and then back down just for fun. " Well you've just hit the nail on the head. You have little to no imagination and can't understand that sometimes people lie. | |||
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"For the record I didn't do anything to anyone they weren't expecting. Why do people on the forums struggle with basic reading? Do I have to talk as if you're all toddlers? I would say "i like hair pulling" they would say they love their hair pulled. Then when i did it they would say they don't like their hair touched. That is just a basic example. Don't tell me you like something and want it and when I do it you say you don't want it. I'm going to walk out because it screams catfish and set up to me. I think the fact that this happened to you more than once would suggest you should maybe be looking at the common denominator in these situations which is you. I really can't imagine anyone would intentionally lie about something like that then go to the effort of meeting them, get to the point of intimacy and then back down just for fun. " I also stated that they may not have done it intentionally. Maybe they thought they like something and when experiencing it they decided they don't. It seems that you lack the basics and just see everything in black and white. | |||
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"Has the books and films ruined sex for you? Since the books became popular I've been meeting women who say they are into kinky stuff but when it comes down to it the stuff they're into is vanilla like Morrison brand Ice cream. As someone who's a hypersexual and has alot of kinks and fetishes I find women say they're into all these little fetishes because they read it in a book. I read a chapter from a book as a work colleague left it in the office. It was so naff, cheesy and cringe worthy. Do women actually think all that stuff is kinky? " I read the book abd watched the film. I have also met real subs. It hasn't ruiuned sex for me, as I am currently not getting any. 50 Shades tribute anyone? | |||
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"For the record I didn't do anything to anyone they weren't expecting. Why do people on the forums struggle with basic reading? Do I have to talk as if you're all toddlers? I would say "i like hair pulling" they would say they love their hair pulled. Then when i did it they would say they don't like their hair touched. That is just a basic example. Don't tell me you like something and want it and when I do it you say you don't want it. I'm going to walk out because it screams catfish and set up to me. I think the fact that this happened to you more than once would suggest you should maybe be looking at the common denominator in these situations which is you. I really can't imagine anyone would intentionally lie about something like that then go to the effort of meeting them, get to the point of intimacy and then back down just for fun. Well you've just hit the nail on the head. You have little to no imagination and can't understand that sometimes people lie. " Sometimes yes. Different people lying about the same thing to the same person in order to put themselves into potentially dangerous situations? Unlikely. | |||
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"For the record I didn't do anything to anyone they weren't expecting. Why do people on the forums struggle with basic reading? Do I have to talk as if you're all toddlers? I would say "i like hair pulling" they would say they love their hair pulled. Then when i did it they would say they don't like their hair touched. That is just a basic example. Don't tell me you like something and want it and when I do it you say you don't want it. I'm going to walk out because it screams catfish and set up to me. I think the fact that this happened to you more than once would suggest you should maybe be looking at the common denominator in these situations which is you. I really can't imagine anyone would intentionally lie about something like that then go to the effort of meeting them, get to the point of intimacy and then back down just for fun. I also stated that they may not have done it intentionally. Maybe they thought they like something and when experiencing it they decided they don't. It seems that you lack the basics and just see everything in black and white. " So why walk out then? | |||
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"For the record I didn't do anything to anyone they weren't expecting. Why do people on the forums struggle with basic reading? Do I have to talk as if you're all toddlers? I would say "i like hair pulling" they would say they love their hair pulled. Then when i did it they would say they don't like their hair touched. That is just a basic example. Don't tell me you like something and want it and when I do it you say you don't want it. I'm going to walk out because it screams catfish and set up to me. I think the fact that this happened to you more than once would suggest you should maybe be looking at the common denominator in these situations which is you. I really can't imagine anyone would intentionally lie about something like that then go to the effort of meeting them, get to the point of intimacy and then back down just for fun. Well you've just hit the nail on the head. You have little to no imagination and can't understand that sometimes people lie. Sometimes yes. Different people lying about the same thing to the same person in order to put themselves into potentially dangerous situations? Unlikely. " Did I say they all lied about hair pulling? Do you seriously have no grasp of common sense? 1 may have lied about 1 thing, another about something else etc.... i only used the hair thing as an example. Why would they put themselves in a danger situation? That would imply I'm a dangerous person, they obviously felt comfortable enough to have sex didn't they. I walked out because i made it clear what I'm into sexually and they said they are into the same thing and when it came to having sex they did a 180 and said they weren't into those things so why would I stay? To gratify them? What do I get in return? Also it only happened a couple of times, you're acting as if i said this happened to me every day. Seriously chill out. It was just a topic of discussion and as always you came in and shat all over it because you couldn't understand basic english.. | |||
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". Did I say they all lied about hair pulling? Do you seriously have no grasp of common sense? 1 may have lied about 1 thing, another about something else etc.... i only used the hair thing as an example. Why would they put themselves in a danger situation? That would imply I'm a dangerous person, they obviously felt comfortable enough to have sex didn't they. I walked out because i made it clear what I'm into sexually and they said they are into the same thing and when it came to having sex they did a 180 and said they weren't into those things so why would I stay? To gratify them? What do I get in return? Also it only happened a couple of times, you're acting as if i said this happened to me every day. Seriously chill out. It was just a topic of discussion and as always you came in and shat all over it because you couldn't understand basic english.. " I understand the actual thing they're not into changes but the scenario is the same. Meeting a stranger for sex carries risk for anyone, I in no way suggested you were specifically a danger. As you said, it's just a topic of discussion which myself and others are trying to discuss with you but instead of reading and respecting our opinions you're throwing insults and nit picking. Attitude matters a lot in these circumstances which brings me back to my initial point, they may like those things with people they feel comfortable with. They may not have felt comfortable with you. | |||
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". Did I say they all lied about hair pulling? Do you seriously have no grasp of common sense? 1 may have lied about 1 thing, another about something else etc.... i only used the hair thing as an example. Why would they put themselves in a danger situation? That would imply I'm a dangerous person, they obviously felt comfortable enough to have sex didn't they. I walked out because i made it clear what I'm into sexually and they said they are into the same thing and when it came to having sex they did a 180 and said they weren't into those things so why would I stay? To gratify them? What do I get in return? Also it only happened a couple of times, you're acting as if i said this happened to me every day. Seriously chill out. It was just a topic of discussion and as always you came in and shat all over it because you couldn't understand basic english.. I understand the actual thing they're not into changes but the scenario is the same. Meeting a stranger for sex carries risk for anyone, I in no way suggested you were specifically a danger. As you said, it's just a topic of discussion which myself and others are trying to discuss with you but instead of reading and respecting our opinions you're throwing insults and nit picking. Attitude matters a lot in these circumstances which brings me back to my initial point, they may like those things with people they feel comfortable with. They may not have felt comfortable with you. " Reading this thread....i can't think why.  | |||
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". Did I say they all lied about hair pulling? Do you seriously have no grasp of common sense? 1 may have lied about 1 thing, another about something else etc.... i only used the hair thing as an example. Why would they put themselves in a danger situation? That would imply I'm a dangerous person, they obviously felt comfortable enough to have sex didn't they. I walked out because i made it clear what I'm into sexually and they said they are into the same thing and when it came to having sex they did a 180 and said they weren't into those things so why would I stay? To gratify them? What do I get in return? Also it only happened a couple of times, you're acting as if i said this happened to me every day. Seriously chill out. It was just a topic of discussion and as always you came in and shat all over it because you couldn't understand basic english.. I understand the actual thing they're not into changes but the scenario is the same. Meeting a stranger for sex carries risk for anyone, I in no way suggested you were specifically a danger. As you said, it's just a topic of discussion which myself and others are trying to discuss with you but instead of reading and respecting our opinions you're throwing insults and nit picking. Attitude matters a lot in these circumstances which brings me back to my initial point, they may like those things with people they feel comfortable with. They may not have felt comfortable with you. " I usually respect opinion that don't carry ad hominems or insults. You seem to constantly comment on any thread I post with your negativity and childish comments. You can see others have commented and said whether 50 shades has ruined or not ruined their sex life and moved on. It seems to be the same culprits who are so eager to comment on a feed, be rude and make little jibes. You seem to do it to me constantly. This tells me you either deeply fancy me and want my cock rammed into you or you actually have an underlying issue with me. Do you make such arsey comments with everyone? | |||
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". Did I say they all lied about hair pulling? Do you seriously have no grasp of common sense? 1 may have lied about 1 thing, another about something else etc.... i only used the hair thing as an example. Why would they put themselves in a danger situation? That would imply I'm a dangerous person, they obviously felt comfortable enough to have sex didn't they. I walked out because i made it clear what I'm into sexually and they said they are into the same thing and when it came to having sex they did a 180 and said they weren't into those things so why would I stay? To gratify them? What do I get in return? Also it only happened a couple of times, you're acting as if i said this happened to me every day. Seriously chill out. It was just a topic of discussion and as always you came in and shat all over it because you couldn't understand basic english.. I understand the actual thing they're not into changes but the scenario is the same. Meeting a stranger for sex carries risk for anyone, I in no way suggested you were specifically a danger. As you said, it's just a topic of discussion which myself and others are trying to discuss with you but instead of reading and respecting our opinions you're throwing insults and nit picking. Attitude matters a lot in these circumstances which brings me back to my initial point, they may like those things with people they feel comfortable with. They may not have felt comfortable with you. Reading this thread....i can't think why. "Heres another one thay chimes in with an arsey comment. Whats the matter? Lonely? | |||
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"It was the same when 9 and a half weeks came out. I ruined 3 suits having sex under a broken drainpipe." Look it’s gush, alright? | |||
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"It was the same when 9 and a half weeks came out. I ruined 3 suits having sex under a broken drainpipe." Loool i don't even remember what happens in that film. I think people see these films and think "yeah thats what I want" i know after Preety Woman loads of women had hooker fantasies and wanted cash for sex. Some stopped at the fantasy part, others decided it was a good earner lol. | |||
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"Belt a girl???? Hope there are multiple meanings to this phrase and not the first one that springs to mind You must be a novice and a 50 shades fan To belt someone or something was to hit them them/it as hard as possible where I grew up Yes that's exactly what it means. You never belted a girl/guy? Never have and never will "belt" a lady in those terms. It may be seen as acceptable to some, but personally not to me I don't think you actually understand what bdsm or dom sub is so i get it I would argue that you don't get it. There is a whole spectrum of bdsm and dom sub relationships (same as there are other types of relationship), not just those that rely upon the most extreme levels of physical pain. Recognising someone's limits and respecting them is what it is about, building the trust for those limits to explored consensually. The fact that you would walk out half way through without a consideration for the other person speaks volumes. " I agree. I don't think this is about 50 Shades at all (not read/ seen, heard bad things). I think this is about poor communication and being dismissive of other people's preferences. | |||
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"Belt a girl???? Hope there are multiple meanings to this phrase and not the first one that springs to mind You must be a novice and a 50 shades fan To belt someone or something was to hit them them/it as hard as possible where I grew up Yes that's exactly what it means. You never belted a girl/guy? Never have and never will "belt" a lady in those terms. It may be seen as acceptable to some, but personally not to me I don't think you actually understand what bdsm or dom sub is so i get it I would argue that you don't get it. There is a whole spectrum of bdsm and dom sub relationships (same as there are other types of relationship), not just those that rely upon the most extreme levels of physical pain. Recognising someone's limits and respecting them is what it is about, building the trust for those limits to explored consensually. The fact that you would walk out half way through without a consideration for the other person speaks volumes. I agree. I don't think this is about 50 Shades at all (not read/ seen, heard bad things). I think this is about poor communication and being dismissive of other people's preferences. " | |||
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"It was the same when 9 and a half weeks came out. I ruined 3 suits having sex under a broken drainpipe. Loool i don't even remember what happens in that film. I think people see these films and think "yeah thats what I want" i know after Preety Woman loads of women had hooker fantasies and wanted cash for sex. Some stopped at the fantasy part, others decided it was a good earner lol. " When you were about 5?? Hahaha, ease off on the fantasy world bro, put the ‘learn how to Bdsm books’ down and go and have yourself some fun.. | |||
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"50 shades of shite " That's so funny I've never heard that before | |||
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". Did I say they all lied about hair pulling? Do you seriously have no grasp of common sense? 1 may have lied about 1 thing, another about something else etc.... i only used the hair thing as an example. Why would they put themselves in a danger situation? That would imply I'm a dangerous person, they obviously felt comfortable enough to have sex didn't they. I walked out because i made it clear what I'm into sexually and they said they are into the same thing and when it came to having sex they did a 180 and said they weren't into those things so why would I stay? To gratify them? What do I get in return? Also it only happened a couple of times, you're acting as if i said this happened to me every day. Seriously chill out. It was just a topic of discussion and as always you came in and shat all over it because you couldn't understand basic english.. I understand the actual thing they're not into changes but the scenario is the same. Meeting a stranger for sex carries risk for anyone, I in no way suggested you were specifically a danger. As you said, it's just a topic of discussion which myself and others are trying to discuss with you but instead of reading and respecting our opinions you're throwing insults and nit picking. Attitude matters a lot in these circumstances which brings me back to my initial point, they may like those things with people they feel comfortable with. They may not have felt comfortable with you. I usually respect opinion that don't carry ad hominems or insults. You seem to constantly comment on any thread I post with your negativity and childish comments. You can see others have commented and said whether 50 shades has ruined or not ruined their sex life and moved on. It seems to be the same culprits who are so eager to comment on a feed, be rude and make little jibes. You seem to do it to me constantly. This tells me you either deeply fancy me and want my cock rammed into you or you actually have an underlying issue with me. Do you make such arsey comments with everyone?" Of the 13 threads you've commented on I've also commented on one where I said I call my arse my bahookie so unless I've got a double somewhere I think you might be a little deluded. You started a thread in order to have a discussion, I'm sorry if that discussion wasn't to your liking but I for one enjoy the forums and the fact that there are a range of opinions and viewpoints. I was expressing mine and giving a suggestion for the problem you highlighted. | |||
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"Mate what are you waffling on about? No one said they lied to get me in bed, thats something the others are saying. All I said was they weren't geniune with what they were into despite me being VERY clear. maybe they lied because they were horny and wanted dick, maybe they lied because they thought they were into rough sex and after getting it they realised they aren't, maybe its another reason, I don't know. If I'm not going to get sexual gratification I'm gonna walk out like anyone else. Why should I make myself uncomfortable just because someone else doesn't know what they want? Like I said i wa s young and naive and just took peoples word at the time. Now I don't, i don't believe people when they tell me what they're into, i test them out and sus them before I even think of sex with them. I'm still not waffling
But you *have* said several times throughout this thread that these women lied to get you into bed - here's an example:
Its worrying that you both seem to think its cool to lie to people just to get them into bed. If you tell me you love oral and then when in bed you say you hate it, yeah I'm gonna leave. You've protrayed something you're no
You've also said it again in your response above by saying they weren't genuine with what they were into.
You've also confirmed several times you were young and naive and didn't ensure that what you were looking for was what they were and have changed your approach since, which if you really were as clear as you say you were wouldn't have been necessary.
The key here, as I keep saying, is communication and being 100% sure everyone is on the same page and if that is now the case then wonderful - job done
Not the brightest tool in the shed are you. Perhaps understanding what context is will help you understand text.
Your examples are not even valid. Ive said i made it clear but they just lied or over promised and here you are saying I wasn't clear still.
Mate honestly talking to you is impossible as I have to explain every nuisance of every sentence to make you understand and still you don't get it. Go away and enjoy your weeken. Job done. "Throwing insults around will not help your case and I perfectly understand the concept of context thank you, I even got an English O Level and everything
You say my examples aren't even valid, yet they are *your* words not mine, does that mean your words aren't valid?
You *say* you were clear, yet also say you've changed your approach to ensure people understand clearly where you are coming from - here's a word for you...contradiction
Either way it keeps coming back to the fact that there was obviously a misunderstanding at some level if you found a mismatch with sexual partners you chose and misunderstandings are usually a two way thing - believe it or not, I'm not actually saying you are the one totally in the wrong, but *do* think it sounds like either there was inadequate communication between *both* of you on the occasions where it happened - in which case there's lessons to be learned on *both* sides, and it sounds like they have been on yours by your change in approach, so good on you for that
Or that in some cases with these ladies the reality did not match the fantasy when it came to it, in which case a level of empathy on your part would have been the right thing to do.
You've also said that people have twisted your words, and suggested things that aren't there - yet all people have done is reacted to what you have said, and certainly in my case, used your own words as part of that - likewise with your suggestion of people having used insults - there's only one person I've seen do that throughout this thread.
Yes your original post was about 50SOG and it's impact, and a lot of people myself included, have responded to that - but you also bought your personal experience into it and stated things that have raised concerns which people have responded to.
Either way you've put your point across as others have done theirs but it keeps coming back to my stuck record comment about communication being key, and everyone being on the same page in terms of expectations, and if you're now doing that, like I said wonderful, job done | |||
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" These weren't sub/dom relationships. Just women who said they like kinky rough sex on paper but in practice couldn't do anything. A dom/Sub relationship isn't something you begin from the first meet in my opinion. Its something that you cultivate. In this #meetoo era a guy needs to be careful. I wouldn't even belt a girl until I knew them well. imagine they go to the cops and you're fucked. Even if they weren't sub/Dom relationships - did it not occur to you to have a conversation with the person concerned *beforehand* to understand what their idea of "kinky rough sex" was and be as sure as you could be that it matched with your own idea of what it was? Yes and they would describe their idea of it but when you performed it they didn't like it. So basicaly it was just a fantasy for them that they didn't actually want or could do. So it wasted my time and I end up just leaving. Those were my naive days when I just took peoples word for things. Now I ask them but take it with a pinch of salt. What people say they're into and what they are actually into are often 2 separate things. Or what they are into or comfortable with changes depending on their level of trust with the person. The fact that you think it's OK to walk out half way through just because things aren't going your way would suggest you maybe lack the tact and understanding to nurture and encourage trust or any kind of connection which is the most important part. Worrying.
Its worrying that you both seem to think its cool to lie to people just to get them into bed. If you tell me you love oral and then when in bed you say you hate it, yeah I'm gonna leave. You've protrayed something you're not.
I find your attitude really disrespectful. Perhaps they sense the same, then the trust has gone and they don't want to do anything after all.
Women don't need to lie to get men into bed.
Just because they said they liked something, doesn't mean it's a guarantee they will do it. They can change consent at any time.
Probably is best you leave at that point like you say you do.
I find your attitude disrespectful actually. So you contradict yourself, firstly you say its bad for me to walk out and now its ok. Make up your mind.
I wouldnt force my sexul preferences on a woman so why should she be allowed to force hers on me?
Also they don't change their mind, you're just trying to find excuses. They were never into those things from the start and just wanted their own gratifications instead.
Sorry sex is a 2 way street. Its not always about 1 person.
Sex is indeed a two way street and finding those that match with yours is the key here - however I don't actually think in this instance it's a case of anyone "lying to get you into bed" - more a case of one person's understanding of a specific activity being wildly different from another's - "rough sex" to some may mean just doing it hard and fast for a while - "rough sex" to others may mean the whole being thrown around, hair pulled, face fucked, mascara running, slapped and name called - the key is *both* people understanding what each other's definition is *before* even getting to the bedroom, and that can only come through communication, which you yourself have said wasn't as clear in the past as it could have been.
No-one's lied, it's just two people who weren't on the same page.
Were you right to walk out in those circumstances? In my view you shouldn't even have been there in the first place if you weren't 100% sure that what the other person was looking for was what you were looking for, and you've already confirmed you weren't back in your "naive days" - quite frankly if I were one of the ladies concerned and you started doing things to me which I had not been expecting then I would have been the one to walk." | |||
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"It was the same when 9 and a half weeks came out. I ruined 3 suits having sex under a broken drainpipe. Look it’s gush, alright?" Think 9 and a half weeks was what put me off of reading and watching 50 shades! Mrs | |||
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"It was the same when 9 and a half weeks came out. I ruined 3 suits having sex under a broken drainpipe. Loool i don't even remember what happens in that film. I think people see these films and think "yeah thats what I want" i know after Preety Woman loads of women had hooker fantasies and wanted cash for sex. Some stopped at the fantasy part, others decided it was a good earner lol. When you were about 5?? Hahaha, ease off on the fantasy world bro, put the ‘learn how to Bdsm books’ down and go and have yourself some fun..
Ugh another idiot
Aggression towards advice.. interesting "Advise is geniune insults wrapped in perceived advise is not. Try again | |||
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"It was the same when 9 and a half weeks came out. I ruined 3 suits having sex under a broken drainpipe. Loool i don't even remember what happens in that film. I think people see these films and think "yeah thats what I want" i know after Preety Woman loads of women had hooker fantasies and wanted cash for sex. Some stopped at the fantasy part, others decided it was a good earner lol. When you were about 5?? Hahaha, ease off on the fantasy world bro, put the ‘learn how to Bdsm books’ down and go and have yourself some fun..
Ugh another idiot
Aggression towards advice.. interesting
Advise is geniune insults wrapped in perceived advise is not. Try again"I’m sure your meets are glad of your aggression  | |||
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"It was the same when 9 and a half weeks came out. I ruined 3 suits having sex under a broken drainpipe. Loool i don't even remember what happens in that film. I think people see these films and think "yeah thats what I want" i know after Preety Woman loads of women had hooker fantasies and wanted cash for sex. Some stopped at the fantasy part, others decided it was a good earner lol. When you were about 5?? Hahaha, ease off on the fantasy world bro, put the ‘learn how to Bdsm books’ down and go and have yourself some fun..
Ugh another idiot
Aggression towards advice.. interesting
Advise is geniune insults wrapped in perceived advise is not. Try again
I’m sure your meets are glad of your aggression "I'm sure yours are glad of your condescending tones | |||
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"Has the books and films ruined sex for you? Since the books became popular I've been meeting women who say they are into kinky stuff but when it comes down to it the stuff they're into is vanilla like Morrison brand Ice cream. As someone who's a hypersexual and has alot of kinks and fetishes I find women say they're into all these little fetishes because they read it in a book. I read a chapter from a book as a work colleague left it in the office. It was so naff, cheesy and cringe worthy. Do women actually think all that stuff is kinky? " Some women think the stuff in those books and films is kinky, yes. If it was me I'd be asking what experiences they'd had and try to figure out how much was fantasy and what they really liked. I've had meets where things were discussed beforehand and the meet didn't turn out that way. It was still fun though. Things change. | |||
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"Has the books and films ruined sex for you? Since the books became popular I've been meeting women who say they are into kinky stuff but when it comes down to it the stuff they're into is vanilla like Morrison brand Ice cream. As someone who's a hypersexual and has alot of kinks and fetishes I find women say they're into all these little fetishes because they read it in a book. I read a chapter from a book as a work colleague left it in the office. It was so naff, cheesy and cringe worthy. Do women actually think all that stuff is kinky? Some women think the stuff in those books and films is kinky, yes. If it was me I'd be asking what experiences they'd had and try to figure out how much was fantasy and what they really liked. I've had meets where things were discussed beforehand and the meet didn't turn out that way. It was still fun though. Things change." Imagine a world where instead of writting insulting messages you lead with this one. | |||
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"Has the books and films ruined sex for you? Since the books became popular I've been meeting women who say they are into kinky stuff but when it comes down to it the stuff they're into is vanilla like Morrison brand Ice cream. As someone who's a hypersexual and has alot of kinks and fetishes I find women say they're into all these little fetishes because they read it in a book. I read a chapter from a book as a work colleague left it in the office. It was so naff, cheesy and cringe worthy. Do women actually think all that stuff is kinky? Some women think the stuff in those books and films is kinky, yes. If it was me I'd be asking what experiences they'd had and try to figure out how much was fantasy and what they really liked. I've had meets where things were discussed beforehand and the meet didn't turn out that way. It was still fun though. Things change. Imagine a world where instead of writting insulting messages you lead with this one. " What insulting messages? | |||
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"Anyway I'm done with this benal conversation. Its pointless trying to explain things to people who can't grasp basic reading skill. Talk amongst yourselves. I'm off outside to enjoy the sun" Insulting people because they don't agree with you is against forum rules | |||
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"It was the same when 9 and a half weeks came out. I ruined 3 suits having sex under a broken drainpipe. Loool i don't even remember what happens in that film. I think people see these films and think "yeah thats what I want" i know after Preety Woman loads of women had hooker fantasies and wanted cash for sex. Some stopped at the fantasy part, others decided it was a good earner lol. When you were about 5?? Hahaha, ease off on the fantasy world bro, put the ‘learn how to Bdsm books’ down and go and have yourself some fun..
Ugh another idiot
Aggression towards advice.. interesting
Advise is geniune insults wrapped in perceived advise is not. Try again"No one insulted you | |||
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"Anyway I'm done with this benal conversation. Its pointless trying to explain things to people who can't grasp basic reading skill. Talk amongst yourselves. I'm off outside to enjoy the sun Insulting people because they don't agree with you is against forum rules" So by that logic should the 3 males and 3 females who insulted him be removed from forums or is this pack mentality that admin protects its friends on here and much rather get rid of the 1 singular guy? Asking for a friend | |||
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"It was the same when 9 and a half weeks came out. I ruined 3 suits having sex under a broken drainpipe. Loool i don't even remember what happens in that film. I think people see these films and think "yeah thats what I want" i know after Preety Woman loads of women had hooker fantasies and wanted cash for sex. Some stopped at the fantasy part, others decided it was a good earner lol. When you were about 5?? Hahaha, ease off on the fantasy world bro, put the ‘learn how to Bdsm books’ down and go and have yourself some fun..
Ugh another idiot
Aggression towards advice.. interesting
Advise is geniune insults wrapped in perceived advise is not. Try again
No one insulted you""Ease off the how to bdsm books" - I think thats insulting, he probably did too. | |||
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"Anyway I'm done with this benal conversation. Its pointless trying to explain things to people who can't grasp basic reading skill. Talk amongst yourselves. I'm off outside to enjoy the sun Insulting people because they don't agree with you is against forum rules So by that logic should the 3 males and 3 females who insulted him be removed from forums or is this pack mentality that admin protects its friends on here and much rather get rid of the 1 singular guy? Asking for a friend" No one is above the rules | |||
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