FabSwingers.com forum: Women joining Fab

By *ebjonnson OP Man
over a year ago

Maldon

I’m intrigued to know how you ladies reacted / experienced when first joining Fab. How it compared to your expectations?

What shocked, surprised, disappointed, pleased you?

Only asking out of interest as the initial experience is so different to us guys.

I can only draw a comparison to when I started dating on POF, three years ago. The initial rush / frenzy was exciting & good for the ego.

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By *aven RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

Shocked at how many "you're gorgeous" messages I got before any pics or profile text had been added x

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By *rwhowhatwherewhyMan
over a year ago

Aylesbury

"Shocked at how many "you're gorgeous" messages I got before any pics or profile text had been added x"

Lol, lucky you!

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By *aven RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"Shocked at how many "you're gorgeous" messages I got before any pics or profile text had been added x

Lol, lucky you!"

Not really. It was a completely blank profile. Learned me to take things with a pinch of salt and set some filters. Luckily I had a fab friend who gave me advice in the first few months x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I felt like a slab of fresh meat.

I was a little overwhelmed at the sheer number of messages, something stupid like 600 within a 24 hour period, that was without having any pics for the first 12.

I realised pretty quickly that an awful lot of blokes would pass compliments for the sake of it, fishing ya know.

Calling someone beautiful and gorgeous when the motherfucker they're trying to hit on could be Rose West for all they know.

No, not every woman is beautiful, no not every woman is stunning. Some are ugly to the core. See Rose West example.

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London

I’d been prepared given experiences on another site.

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By *rwhowhatwherewhyMan
over a year ago

Aylesbury

"Shocked at how many "you're gorgeous" messages I got before any pics or profile text had been added x

Lol, lucky you!

Not really. It was a completely blank profile. Learned me to take things with a pinch of salt and set some filters. Luckily I had a fab friend who gave me advice in the first few months x"

Thank goodness for filters. Well at least you recieved help, it took me over a year to figure this place out (not that I claim to be an expert).

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By *ebjonnson OP Man
over a year ago

Maldon

"Shocked at how many "you're gorgeous" messages I got before any pics or profile text had been added x

Lol, lucky you!

Not really. It was a completely blank profile. Learned me to take things with a pinch of salt and set some filters. Luckily I had a fab friend who gave me advice in the first few months x"

Advice from a friend is vital. I had that on POF - very different I know but “develop a thick skin quick, don’t worry about rejection, only believe a fraction of what you read” was invaluable.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nice insight into men’s brains. My personal opinion after receiving on average 200 messages a day- after adding many filters and blocking persistent idiots...

80% of men are operating with their brain in their dick. Not an attractive trait.

10% of men are just plain sad or ‘nice’.

6% are fucking scary bastards

4% are worth taking a closer look at...

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By *oobyHotwifeWoman
over a year ago

Thurrock

I found it intimidating

I joined under a couples profile within 3hrs we had around 150 messages many from the same people, saying things like we can see your online why aren’t you replying then another a bit later getting abusive because we haven’t replied

Now it doesn’t bother me but at the time I nearly closed my account as quick as I opened it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Even without a profile pic men will call you sexy wanna meet up etc anything to bust a nut haha! Get some standards and have some decency and do things the right way

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It was horrendous. I'd been on other similar sites but this one was an eye opener. All the mail even though I'd only had a profile for 20 minutes with no pics or text.

I deleted and opened a new one and it was all the same men mailing newbies.

I would imagine many women get put off within a few days and just leave.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Shocked but mostly amused with some of the terrible messages

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was on previously as single and the first hour was flattering as hell and exciting.... it was short lived

Soon realising how intimidating it can b and constantly bombarded with msgs mainly no conversation just wana fuck... I didnt last long on t single profile wasnt for me

Now on as a couple dont get a quarter as many msgs but alot more conversations and ppl wanting 2 get 2 no u which is half t turn on for me needs 2 b chemistry, if t chats shit copy n paste efforts It totally puts me off xx

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Utterly, utterly horrifying. I had no idea what I was getting myself into or what was going on. I genuinely joined thinking that if I got nowhere in a few months I'd pack it in.

The entitlement, demands and stupidity were insane. Then I landed in hospital three days later and it got monumentally worse. Although I still get abuse etc fairly regularly, I'd say the worst 70% of it was in my first month (and I was completely unequipped to handle it).

I realise now why an unverified single female profile suddenly landing in hospital looks suspicious, but the only thing I was asking for was people to slow down. Not even sympathy, much less money or god knows what.

The hospitalisation and lasting effects toughened me up and have been a wonderful dickhead filter.

I stayed because among the initial onslaught were two guys who guided me through.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was shocked at the amount of messages, especially when my account was set to female. But it is super easy to spot the guys who will compliment every person they possibly can just to get fucked.

Nothing has disappointed me so far, but I don't have any expectations and I'm just taking it as it comes so I think that's why.

The forums have brought me the most joy! I really like them and it's refreshing to see lots of normal people that are easy to chat to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Disappointed and still am. Expected to meet far more compatible men. Doesn't compare to my previous experience on similar sites (but then that was in London where there's a far wider choice of people generally)

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By *rwhowhatwherewhyMan
over a year ago

Aylesbury

"Nice insight into men’s brains. My personal opinion after receiving on average 200 messages a day- after adding many filters and blocking persistent idiots...

80% of men are operating with their brain in their dick. Not an attractive trait.

10% of men are just plain sad or ‘nice’.

6% are fucking scary bastards

4% are worth taking a closer look at...

Woohoo! I'm a ten percenter

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By *ryst In IsoldeWoman
over a year ago

your imagination

I'd been on another site as a couple prior to joining Fab.. My then-partner suggested I try Fab (he was already a member) so I set up a profile out of curiosity one day and almost deleted it again the next.... As P mentioned previously, I felt like a slab of meat. Despite being an experienced swinger and having used other sites, NOTHING prepared me for the sheer volume of messages from men that simply outlined in graphic and explicit detail what they wanted to do to me, regardless of my interests or preferences. I was horrified. It was as if my mind was being gang r*ped by these anonymous individials who seemed to think that they were competing to tell me the vilest thing they could think of. While I was still reeling from these messages, some of these individuals started becoming annoyed that I hadn't responded yet, and switched from telling me how beautiful and amazing I looked (from my one photo) to telling me how fat, ugly and old I was and that they didn't really want to fuck me anyway. One sent me almost 100 messages after I logged out... I saw them the next morning, thought 'fuck this for a game of soldiers', hid my (still incomplete) profile and went back to using a more civilised site. It was months before I logged back in again, and that was purely because someone I had met through the other site had joined Fab and asked me to verify him here also.

As it stands... I really still only use Fab for social events. I've rarely met anyone from it for play (even though one of those few eventually became someone very special to me), and many of my Irish veris actually came from people I already knew and had met through other sites. I'm filtered up to the eyeballs most days on here to avoid having to deal with the kind of volume and content of messages I got in those early days. I had to protect myself, my mind and my positivity from the effects of intellectual r*pe by ignorant individuals who don't realise that 'No means No' doesn't just apply to physical acts.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mayhem. That's what I experienced 7 years ago on fab. Thankfully since then it has changed when filters applied and profile adjusted so many times.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd been on another site as a couple prior to joining Fab.. My then-partner suggested I try Fab (he was already a member) so I set up a profile out of curiosity one day and almost deleted it again the next.... As P mentioned previously, I felt like a slab of meat. Despite being an experienced swinger and having used other sites, NOTHING prepared me for the sheer volume of messages from men that simply outlined in graphic and explicit detail what they wanted to do to me, regardless of my interests or preferences. I was horrified. It was as if my mind was being gang r*ped by these anonymous individials who seemed to think that they were competing to tell me the vilest thing they could think of. While I was still reeling from these messages, some of these individuals started becoming annoyed that I hadn't responded yet, and switched from telling me how beautiful and amazing I looked (from my one photo) to telling me how fat, ugly and old I was and that they didn't really want to fuck me anyway. One sent me almost 100 messages after I logged out... I saw them the next morning, thought 'fuck this for a game of soldiers', hid my (still incomplete) profile and went back to using a more civilised site. It was months before I logged back in again, and that was purely because someone I had met through the other site had joined Fab and asked me to verify him here also.

If only men would read this. But the types who should, won't give a shit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I honestly couldn't have described that feeling better

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By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

I did an experiment about three years ago. I (Luke) set up a fake single woman fake with no photos and profile text explaining I'm a man and I'm only doing this to see how many arsehholes contacted me. I ended up getting two or three messages a minute. I'm guessing some of them were bots.

I did it again a few months ago and it had calmed down a lot. I feared getting a couple's profile (this one isn't fake I hasten to add) would lead to an unmanageable torrent of messages, but fortunately it hasn't.

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By *good-being-badMan
over a year ago

mis-types and auto corrects leads cock leeds

Most of the 'new' ladies on my updates feed are folk that are returning so they'll know what to expect and likely know about filters and message blocks that are available to reduce the number of messages.

There are posts from ladies and couples thatn say they get very few messages.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I felt like a slab of fresh meat.

I was a little overwhelmed at the sheer number of messages, something stupid like 600 within a 24 hour period, that was without having any pics for the first 12.

I realised pretty quickly that an awful lot of blokes would pass compliments for the sake of it, fishing ya know.

Calling someone beautiful and gorgeous when the motherfucker they're trying to hit on could be Rose West for all they know.

No, not every woman is beautiful, no not every woman is stunning. Some are ugly to the core. See Rose West example.

This

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I arrived here via other, similar sites and was advised about filters by someone i had met at a social via another site.. having said that, i was still shocked at the volume of messages that came through whilst I was trying to find the filters in the first place..over 800 in less than 2 hours!!

When i first joined i was 46 so no sexy young thing but nor was i looking for a younger age range either - i don't think that helps but it can be very overwhelming no matter what age you are..

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By *he riverdeep69Couple
over a year ago

North west ish

I very quickly deleted my first single profile. 850 messages in the first day. No pictures and minimal text told me about the level of desperation that alot of fab men had. Subsequent versions of my single profile - same messages/same sad men. Always the same. Only meeting fems and couples and blocking men was the only reason I stayed. The thing is alot of us ladies who are still here have had very similar experiences, yet it continues to be denied that fab is not welcoming to new women. Sort out the 'fresh meat' mentality of alot of men (yes men, yes alot), and more women may stay.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I very quickly deleted my first single profile. 850 messages in the first day. No pictures and minimal text told me about the level of desperation that alot of fab men had. Subsequent versions of my single profile - same messages/same sad men. Always the same. Only meeting fems and couples and blocking men was the only reason I stayed. The thing is alot of us ladies who are still here have had very similar experiences, yet it continues to be denied that fab is not welcoming to new women. Sort out the 'fresh meat' mentality of alot of men (yes men, yes alot), and more women may stay. "

I definitely would have appreciated a more detailed heads up (not just "filters are helpful if you get a lot of mail", but "this is a typical experience and here's how to slow it down/ stop it") and maybe an auto block on messages at least in the time it took me to write a damn profile.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Must admit it shocked me the amount of really young men interested in women my age! I thought it was a wind up at first.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The amount of mail surprised me I suppose. I learnt to ignore it from day one, I came here with a bit of a mission and set straight to it, no distractions

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Shocked nearly left before i even started....how can someone message things like ....oh you are so sexy , yet i had no pics or profile wrote up

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think I was amazed at the volume of messages received. 600 plus within first 24 hours and a good 100 to 150 a day in the early days.

As a curvy 40 something though Fab has shown me that every body type has it's share of people who appreciate it. Which is flattering.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was on a couple of other sites already so was very prepared.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was a man when I joined and still am, so it didn’t effect me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I didn't anticipate the amount of messages within literally minutes x

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By *unPeteMan
over a year ago

Near Bristol

Interesting comments and its why I don't bother with messages for initial contact anymore. I enjoy socials, clubs, chat rooms and forums for getting to know people.

Don't let pathetic people and their idiotic words hurt you and remember there are sexy fun people out there for you ??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Shocked at how many "you're gorgeous" messages I got before any pics or profile text had been added x"

FFS the lads on here are so thirsty

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I found this site amusing when i first joined.I knew what to expect so i was prepared.I spent the first week being nosey and seeing how everyone else around the area,used the site.

Still find this site the best out of all i've been on,met some lovely people and i've learnt to take everything that is said on here,with a pinch of salt

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By *ebjonnson OP Man
over a year ago

Maldon

"I think I was amazed at the volume of messages received. 600 plus within first 24 hours and a good 100 to 150 a day in the early days.

As a curvy 40 something though Fab has shown me that every body type has it's share of people who appreciate it. Which is flattering."

The numbers are staggering- 600 in one day!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Shocked at how many "you're gorgeous" messages I got before any pics or profile text had been added x

FFS the lads on here are so thirsty "

On it's great. I get loads of messages saying how incredibly hot and sexy I am and how they'd love the chance to meet me. Makes me feel wonderful.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Completely overwhelmed by all the attention, couldn’t keep track of messages, winks, etc. Wasn’t sure what the etiquette was re replying and was pretty shocked by a lot of the messages, profile names & photos.

I was quite naive when I 1st joined, took me a while to find my stride.

Now I’m a cynical, desensitised older women who can detect BS a mile away..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh my sooooo overwhelming! I am used to men giving me second looks in the real world but I did find the direct attention abit much to handle. I turned my fabbing option off the first week and started to apply filters just so that I had breathing space. Now I just take anything with a pinch of salt on here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Overwhelming. I was 18 and in hindsight had no idea what I was doing.

I ended up having my profile hidden for the first year as the messages were just too much, then I met my ex and came of site for a while. When I came back I was much more prepared

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

"Nice insight into men’s brains. My personal opinion after receiving on average 200 messages a day- after adding many filters and blocking persistent idiots...

80% of men are operating with their brain in their dick. Not an attractive trait.

10% of men are just plain sad or ‘nice’.

6% are fucking scary bastards

4% are worth taking a closer look at...

Ha ha I love this analogy! It’s probably fairly accurate

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Nice insight into men’s brains. My personal opinion after receiving on average 200 messages a day- after adding many filters and blocking persistent idiots...

80% of men are operating with their brain in their dick. Not an attractive trait.

10% of men are just plain sad or ‘nice’.

6% are fucking scary bastards

4% are worth taking a closer look at...

Ha ha I love this analogy! It’s probably fairly accurate

Not bad except I’d up the scary bastard percentage.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It was like being run over by a bus! I had no clue and used to politely respond to every message. I didn't know about message filters so the volume of them was huge.

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By *DreamOfGenieWoman
over a year ago

London

As a curvy 40 something though Fab has shown me that every body type has it's share of people who appreciate it. Which is flattering."

This! Also that there are other people who put value on good sex, I'm not wierd

The messages were overwhelming when I first joined. Filters and a pretty clearly outlined profile have definitely helped, and the following get an immediate delete without being read:

- dick pic as profile picture

- younger than me

- silly usernames like 'pussyl1cker200'

Those 3 alone tend to whittle down the 4-5 messages a day that are worth reading

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was inundated with two messages.. I couldn't cope.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It wasn't pleasant to begin with. Too many messages, to the point where I now deliberately try to put guys off by my profile. Being on this site has not given me a sense of being hotter than I am, if anything the opposite is true. These guys aren't actually finding me sexy or attractive, how could they when they don't know what I look like !!!

Learning how to block has been my saving grace, putting my profile in hiding from time to time has helped or hiding my verifications and pictures. When I want peace that's what I do.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"It wasn't pleasant to begin with. Too many messages, to the point where I now deliberately try to put guys off by my profile. Being on this site has not given me a sense of being hotter than I am, if anything the opposite is true. These guys aren't actually finding me sexy or attractive, how could they when they don't know what I look like !!!

Learning how to block has been my saving grace, putting my profile in hiding from time to time has helped or hiding my verifications and pictures. When I want peace that's what I do.

Yeah, I'm not bloody stupid. I know the compliments are bullshit most of the time.

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