FabSwingers.com mobile

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to The Lounge

Not Always Feeling Safe in this Environment

Jump to newest
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I'd like to share with you the more unpleasant side of this scene, that I've experienced so far.

Now, I can only speak as a woman, I won't suggested women don't do these things too, but I can't comment on that because I've no experience of it.

Do you know what often happens to me when I reject the advances of a man?

Here are some of the reactions I've experienced from men I just wasn't interested in, both here and in person:

Harassment - spam messages, calls, texts and following me on other social media.

Threats - to harm me, often threats to sexually assault me and saying they hope I get sexually assaulted.

Told I'm boring - because obviously not wanting to fuck everyone in the inbox makes me boring.

Told I'm rude - because they felt entitled to my response and I, for whatever reason, didn't respond to their advances.

Debates - guys will argue with me about why I should fancy them or get to know them.

Accusations of being a fake profile or catfish - the assumption is that if I am not interested in talking to them I'm not interested in taking to anyone. Actually, I talk to lots of people, I just wasnt intetested in them.

Insults - I mean, they go from saying I'm stunning to calling me a fat ugly bitch so quickly.

Assault - I've told men no in person before and they'll still put their hands on my body, forcibly.

So, it's upsetting and frightening sometimes. I get anxiety about it. The thing is, I don't feel safe to say I'm not interested anymore. I don't. I just try to escape the situation: not reply to the messages or read them, not engage in the conversation, make my body language closed and obvious I'm uncomfortable. Because I'm scared that when I say no I'm putting myself at risk or harassment or harm.

I've felt it is OK before, because I can block people, but a few times now I've blocked people and they make other accounts or find me on other social media.

It's not right. It's not fair. Please please guys, stop it. Don't scare women, don't try to intimidate them or make them feel they're bad people for not wanting you.

And, to those many of you men here who DON'T do these awful things: Thank you. You restore my faith and please, if you see anyone do this, please think about calling them out. Let's not let people keep thinking this is acceptable.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ustme34Man
over a year ago

Bradford

None of that should happen to anyone

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *orthyorkypairCouple
over a year ago

North Yorkshire

sorry to hear that yet another single female is being subjected to abuse etc from so called "Men" ( assuming most of this is by men) sadly there is no real answer apart from liberal use of the block button, stick solely to messaging on here never KIK, Whatsapp etc, and if someone makes another account to get around the bloc report BOTH accounts its against fab rules! keep your wits about you and you WILL have a good time on here

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"None of that should happen to anyone "

No they shouldn’t. But they do, and very often. Yet we’re all rude as fuck for not replying to people and/or blocking them.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ustme34Man
over a year ago

Bradford


"sorry to hear that yet another single female is being subjected to abuse etc from so called "Men" ( assuming most of this is by men) sadly there is no real answer apart from liberal use of the block button, stick solely to messaging on here never KIK, Whatsapp etc, and if someone makes another account to get around the bloc report BOTH accounts its against fab rules! keep your wits about you and you WILL have a good time on here "
I would say they were men

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ouncingboobs BBWWoman
over a year ago

North West

I remember on an old account a man said he hoped I'd "die of fucking AIDS" because I wouldn't turn up in an hour to have sex with him

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Completely unacceptable...meant to be mutual fun. Idiots!! Very sorry to hear this happens .x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *orthyorkypairCouple
over a year ago

North Yorkshire


"sorry to hear that yet another single female is being subjected to abuse etc from so called "Men" ( assuming most of this is by men) sadly there is no real answer apart from liberal use of the block button, stick solely to messaging on here never KIK, Whatsapp etc, and if someone makes another account to get around the bloc report BOTH accounts its against fab rules! keep your wits about you and you WILL have a good time on here I would say they were men"

would agree but in the interests of the PC police in here i suggested they may not all be!!!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I hear you, OP. This is my experience too.

The good can make up for the bad, but my god there's so much bad.

Where are all the women? Not willing or able to put up with this shit.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'd like to share with you the more unpleasant side of this scene, that I've experienced so far.

Now, I can only speak as a woman, I won't suggested women don't do these things too, but I can't comment on that because I've no experience of it.

Do you know what often happens to me when I reject the advances of a man?

Here are some of the reactions I've experienced from men I just wasn't interested in, both here and in person:

Harassment - spam messages, calls, texts and following me on other social media.

Threats - to harm me, often threats to sexually assault me and saying they hope I get sexually assaulted.

Told I'm boring - because obviously not wanting to fuck everyone in the inbox makes me boring.

Told I'm rude - because they felt entitled to my response and I, for whatever reason, didn't respond to their advances.

Debates - guys will argue with me about why I should fancy them or get to know them.

Accusations of being a fake profile or catfish - the assumption is that if I am not interested in talking to them I'm not interested in taking to anyone. Actually, I talk to lots of people, I just wasnt intetested in them.

Insults - I mean, they go from saying I'm stunning to calling me a fat ugly bitch so quickly.

Assault - I've told men no in person before and they'll still put their hands on my body, forcibly.

So, it's upsetting and frightening sometimes. I get anxiety about it. The thing is, I don't feel safe to say I'm not interested anymore. I don't. I just try to escape the situation: not reply to the messages or read them, not engage in the conversation, make my body language closed and obvious I'm uncomfortable. Because I'm scared that when I say no I'm putting myself at risk or harassment or harm.

I've felt it is OK before, because I can block people, but a few times now I've blocked people and they make other accounts or find me on other social media.

It's not right. It's not fair. Please please guys, stop it. Don't scare women, don't try to intimidate them or make them feel they're bad people for not wanting you.

And, to those many of you men here who DON'T do these awful things: Thank you. You restore my faith and please, if you see anyone do this, please think about calling them out. Let's not let people keep thinking this is acceptable. "

That is simply appalling. No one should have to put up with that.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ilth500Man
over a year ago

Merseyside


"I remember on an old account a man said he hoped I'd "die of fucking AIDS" because I wouldn't turn up in an hour to have sex with him "

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP absolutely agree 100 percent. Shame to agree with you really given supposed equality and all that. But so true... well said.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ustme34Man
over a year ago

Bradford


"sorry to hear that yet another single female is being subjected to abuse etc from so called "Men" ( assuming most of this is by men) sadly there is no real answer apart from liberal use of the block button, stick solely to messaging on here never KIK, Whatsapp etc, and if someone makes another account to get around the bloc report BOTH accounts its against fab rules! keep your wits about you and you WILL have a good time on here I would say they were men

would agree but in the interests of the PC police in here i suggested they may not all be!!! "

I meant I wouldnt say they were men ( damn auto spel check) I mean in the wag that men should act like that there childish immature idiots and don't deserve to be called men . But yes I get what you mean about the PC police

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *dam1971Man
over a year ago

Bedford

Really sorry to hear that, the truth is that it’s more common than you’d think (or more common than I could imagine)

Despite there being a sexual side to this site and meeting up, the laws about consent, harassment etc still stand. You should be free to feel safe just because you’ve admitted you quite like sex.

The sooner these crap Victorian morals fuck right off, the better

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Block early, block often, be strong with a thick skin, show no vulnerability and take no shit.

Share as few details as possible. I'm here and Kik only, and only share my (very common) first name.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down


"I'd like to share with you the more unpleasant side of this scene, that I've experienced so far.

Now, I can only speak as a woman, I won't suggested women don't do these things too, but I can't comment on that because I've no experience of it.

Do you know what often happens to me when I reject the advances of a man?

Here are some of the reactions I've experienced from men I just wasn't interested in, both here and in person:

Harassment - spam messages, calls, texts and following me on other social media.

Threats - to harm me, often threats to sexually assault me and saying they hope I get sexually assaulted.

Told I'm boring - because obviously not wanting to fuck everyone in the inbox makes me boring.

Told I'm rude - because they felt entitled to my response and I, for whatever reason, didn't respond to their advances.

Debates - guys will argue with me about why I should fancy them or get to know them.

Accusations of being a fake profile or catfish - the assumption is that if I am not interested in talking to them I'm not interested in taking to anyone. Actually, I talk to lots of people, I just wasnt intetested in them.

Insults - I mean, they go from saying I'm stunning to calling me a fat ugly bitch so quickly.

Assault - I've told men no in person before and they'll still put their hands on my body, forcibly.

So, it's upsetting and frightening sometimes. I get anxiety about it. The thing is, I don't feel safe to say I'm not interested anymore. I don't. I just try to escape the situation: not reply to the messages or read them, not engage in the conversation, make my body language closed and obvious I'm uncomfortable. Because I'm scared that when I say no I'm putting myself at risk or harassment or harm.

I've felt it is OK before, because I can block people, but a few times now I've blocked people and they make other accounts or find me on other social media.

It's not right. It's not fair. Please please guys, stop it. Don't scare women, don't try to intimidate them or make them feel they're bad people for not wanting you.

And, to those many of you men here who DON'T do these awful things: Thank you. You restore my faith and please, if you see anyone do this, please think about calling them out. Let's not let people keep thinking this is acceptable. "

Ye I have had most of this on here as well including a guy who I gave a little bit too much info to and he came back with my bosses number and threated to call him and tell him unless I met him for sex. I brazened it out and he backed off and deleted his profile. I've learnt to keep my real life private and give no info out anymore. I got a lot of abuse this weekend for some reason I just block now and try to ignore it but when you get a lot it's hard. I also answer any message I get unless it's rude and crude but am seriously debating not in future because it's then you get the abuse if you say no thanks. They seem to think because I'm single and on here I'm a slut or a whore for them to use as they please I'm not and I'm fussy over who I meet. I know the crappy guys make it harder for the nice guys to get through and that's what at present I answer all messages but I don't know how long I will continue to.

And I'm sure guys get grief too off women on here. So all we can do is keep looking and hope to find the decent ones who we can have fun with.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton

Whilst I deplore all of the disgusting vitriol that you have received is there a way that you can safeguard against it?

By saying that I am not victim blaming here, I just wonder if there are ways that you can use the site, or manage selection criteria to reduce the level of abhorrent behaviour?

Should you have to do this? No, no you shouldn't, everyone on this site or in this lifestyle should be treated with respect regardless of gender, persuasion or preference.

But a sexually charged male ego is a chemical soup of aggression inducing hormones, when some men receive rejection the chemicals flood the system and create a Mr Hyde character, that doesn't make what they are doing acceptable (civilisation and the development of equality/empathy for the win!) but understanding the potential for this to happen will help in making decisions on using the site tools to mitigate this.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *orthyorkypairCouple
over a year ago

North Yorkshire


"sorry to hear that yet another single female is being subjected to abuse etc from so called "Men" ( assuming most of this is by men) sadly there is no real answer apart from liberal use of the block button, stick solely to messaging on here never KIK, Whatsapp etc, and if someone makes another account to get around the bloc report BOTH accounts its against fab rules! keep your wits about you and you WILL have a good time on here I would say they were men

would agree but in the interests of the PC police in here i suggested they may not all be!!! I meant I wouldnt say they were men ( damn auto spel check) I mean in the wag that men should act like that there childish immature idiots and don't deserve to be called men . But yes I get what you mean about the PC police "

hence my "men" was in " " lol

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

All demographics abuse, for sure. But men do so much more, even accounting for the fact that they're the majority of my messages.

Women, if they're going to, just tend to be rude, not abusive. In my experience.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"Whilst I deplore all of the disgusting vitriol that you have received is there a way that you can safeguard against it?

By saying that I am not victim blaming here, I just wonder if there are ways that you can use the site, or manage selection criteria to reduce the level of abhorrent behaviour?

Should you have to do this? No, no you shouldn't, everyone on this site or in this lifestyle should be treated with respect regardless of gender, persuasion or preference.

But a sexually charged male ego is a chemical soup of aggression inducing hormones, when some men receive rejection the chemicals flood the system and create a Mr Hyde character, that doesn't make what they are doing acceptable (civilisation and the development of equality/empathy for the win!) but understanding the potential for this to happen will help in making decisions on using the site tools to mitigate this. "

See my comment above starting block early block often.

It cuts it down.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *manaWoman
over a year ago

Basingstoke

Exactly why I shut my single profile, although I had the horrendous experience of a physical assault. Now I only meet as a couple with my OH and if I have met people alone it's because they are friends.

Wont risk it again.

Av xx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I think blocking is my only option unless I leave the site. Even then, as detailed in my OP, sometimes that doesn't stop them.

I've been advised in the past to change filters to stop single men messing me, but there have been some really lovely guys that I've spoken to on here and I would have missed out on that if I did.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Go to the police for assault

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think blocking is my only option unless I leave the site. Even then, as detailed in my OP, sometimes that doesn't stop them.

I've been advised in the past to change filters to stop single men messing me, but there have been some really lovely guys that I've spoken to on here and I would have missed out on that if I did. "

If you block and set filters so newbies can’t message and only verified people can message you that might help.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Makes me feel sick and angry knowing it happens .. it's just wrong and no wonder there's so much hatred about.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *manaWoman
over a year ago

Basingstoke

Unfortunately the guy was verified so doesn't always work.

Just be cautious with any meet. I feel much better now I meet with the OH.

Av xx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Would you like my tazer?

Men can be abhorrent, akin to child trowing his toys out of the pram, rise above and ignor and block this will hurt them more,

Most women dont give any response unless intrested, its not rude its looking after number 1.

Failing that the tazer only been used once charges well. ( joke btw)

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unfortunately theres the few oddballs that think women on here are 'freemeat'

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Unfortunately the guy was verified so doesn't always work."

The flaw with verifications is that they might not be genuine. I've actually had people I've only briefly messaged with ask me to verify them. Which I've declined until I've met them in person, in some occasions this has been something else I've been insulted for.

I'll add I will report anyone that does this as its jeopardising progress safety.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

That's is meant to say jepordising PEOPLE'S safety

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is why we are more & more frequently choosing to find people to play when we simply get chatting in clubs rather than on here.

A lot of deluded people exist on this site, shame cos we have also met some great people from here

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ersnickety PantsWoman
over a year ago

Club Meets Only

I think most women on here will have experienced at least one of those reactions from guys.

Nobody wants to be rejected & not everyone can take the rejection however polite.

Kudos to those who reply with 'no worries, happy fabbing'

I always feel safe meeting in clubs as I know there is a strict 'no means no' policy & there are always staff on hand to ensure your safety. Only once have I been hounded in a club despite repeatedly telling a guy no thanks to which point the owners stepped in & warned him that if he continued he would be removed

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *hloevtTV/TS
over a year ago

norwich

This is all so sad and disrespectful to an individual that has the right to be and feel safe.

As a TV I have had similar happen, just because I have a dress on is not an automatic invite to stick your hand up it for a feel.

What is really strange is when I walk out if a club as "chloe" I feel so vunrable and this has given me a special appreciation of the hazards women face, and it's so not how it should be.

I'm so sorry OP that these things have happened to you. Xx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *manaWoman
over a year ago

Basingstoke


"Unfortunately the guy was verified so doesn't always work.

The flaw with verifications is that they might not be genuine. I've actually had people I've only briefly messaged with ask me to verify them. Which I've declined until I've met them in person, in some occasions this has been something else I've been insulted for.

I'll add I will report anyone that does this as its jeopardising progress safety. "

Totally agree

Av xx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

Just appalling

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just straight up assholes nothing more

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *edmark07Man
over a year ago

liverpool

That was so horrible to read, I'm truely sorry op. Maybe you girls need a group where you can name and shame and share experiences. You should have total control on here who you meet, chat, engage with and its truely abhorrent guys feel entitled and brazen enough to threaten you. I hope the good chaps go some way into making it worthwhile.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don’t get any abuse anymore because if I’m not interested I delete and block straight away. It’s much easier. Just do that.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"That was so horrible to read, I'm truely sorry op. Maybe you girls need a group where you can name and shame and share experiences. You should have total control on here who you meet, chat, engage with and its truely abhorrent guys feel entitled and brazen enough to threaten you. I hope the good chaps go some way into making it worthwhile. "

Horrible to read yes, but unfortunately happens to an awful lot of women, myself included as a single.

I got to the point where I met rarely and mainly went to clubs/parties instead where I felt safe.

Also part of the reason I'm not fussed at all about meeting alone. I'd never forgive myself if I made a bad judgement call and met someone who was a wrongun, which caused us problems and led to the demise of our relationship.

I just know I'd carry so much guilt if something bad happened and I'd be constantly blaming myself for not being more careful, even though I may not have been able to predict it or see it coming.

P

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's such a shame that no matter how many times these stories are told absolutely nothing changes. I've had some pretty grim messages in the 9 days I've been back. I just remember that there are so many good men, and try to focus on those legends instead. I hate people sometimes.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *edmark07Man
over a year ago

liverpool

I guess fab is just an extension of society. There's obviously good and bad and the bad will always feel emboldened on the internet because its so anonymous. 99% will be hot air but of course its upsetting at best, dangerous at worst. Ladies band together, you should have all the power on here, if a guy gets nasty tell the world, make a note of it and all the ladies shun him.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *latinumkittenWoman
over a year ago

from Home Counties to Middle Earth

I've taken comfort in Fab verifications and realised that they're not to be relied upon in terms of a guy's behaviour.

Publishing verifications is also selective so may not give an accurate reflection of what to expect.

It would be handy to have a more balanced tool on here - if women are encountering the same problem with the same guy, I'd be interested in knowing about that! It would also stop their activity, as no one would ultimately bother with these guys, who ruin it for genuine decent peeps.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

Sorry you're experiencing this.

I've been on here over two years, get hundreds of messages a week and very rarely get abuse (maybe 10 times in 2 years?)

I close messages down early if I'm not interested. I don't get into chat or debate. If I'm not interested that's it, done.

If they've put effort into a message I reply with a thanks but not for me.

Its it's a "fuck now" message I just delete. Done.

I don't have sexual conversations with randoms.

I do have socials.

On the rare occasion someone is abusive/offering cash I report. If someone was threatening me with physical violence I'd report to the police.

I don't do kik etc , I only communicate on here.

Very very rarely do I give out a tel no.

Made the mistake early on of giving out identifying personal info (nowt major), learnt my lesson from that.

I don't Fab d*unk or expect to find anything viable in messages sent once the pubs shut or at 3am.

All of the above work for me.

Hope your experience of Fab improves.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP I’m so sorry you’ve had these horrible experiences. Unfortunately all to common and one of the reasons I deleted my single profile.

As others have suggested, just be really careful about the personal information you give out. I was tracked down on FB, a real wake up call.

Report anyone who sends you offensive mail. If you wouldn’t tolerate it in real life then it certainly has no place in your Fab life.

I hope things improve, there ARE some very lovely people on here.

Miss V xx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *edmark07Man
over a year ago

liverpool

This has made me question whether I want to be on fab anymore. I like to think I'm one of the more respectful none pushy types, I try and keep stuff humourous at least until there's a form of connection but I'm not sure o want to associated with this place if this is such a common experience.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ryst In IsoldeWoman
over a year ago

your imagination


"sorry to hear that yet another single female is being subjected to abuse etc from so called "Men" (p) assuming most of this is by men) sadly there is no real answer apart from liberal use of the block button, stick solely to messaging on here never KIK, Whatsapp etc, and if someone makes another account to get around the bloc report BOTH accounts its against fab rules! keep your wits about you and you WILL have a good time on here "

This

Don't be in such a rush to add folk you've barely chatted to on here to your contacts elsewhere... Here you are in control... You log on to check messages when YOU choose and reply when it's convenient for YOU. But once you add someone to your contacts on an app like kik, WhatsApp, etc., you are giving someone 24/7 access to you (as long as your phone is switched on), and you suddenly realise just how annoying it is to have guys waking you at 4am to show you the pic of their erection they've just proudly taken while watching German porn, or to have them texting to ask if you prefer anal to blowjobs while you're trying to load the weekly shopping into the car or just randomly announcing that they're horny while you're scrubbing dog poop off the wheels of a buggy or shoes....

Men think with their dicks... It never occurs to them that their dick isn't your top priority or concern at any given moment of the day or night... So restrict their access and retain your own control.

As for finding you on social media.. That's always a risk, particularly with public face pics, but it also happens if you choose to accept a friend request from a swinger on Book of the Face or similar... Chances are, they're already friends with others they've been chatting to on Fab, and these people suddenly see you appearing on his friend list, or your posts popping up in news feed because he's been commenting on your posts and photos, and now, hey presto.... 20 or 30 other swingers he friend requested previously suddenly recognise you from Fab and know your real name, where you live, where you socialise, who your friends and family are, and probably where you work... You see where I'm going with this?

Yes, we all have a right to be treated with dignity and respect, and to choose who we want to communicate with. But there will be those who will not respect you. It's up to you how much of an opportunity you're going to give them to do so and how easy you're going to make it for them.

Your profile is in your control

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'd like to share with you the more unpleasant side of this scene, that I've experienced so far.

Now, I can only speak as a woman, I won't suggested women don't do these things too, but I can't comment on that because I've no experience of it.

Do you know what often happens to me when I reject the advances of a man?

Here are some of the reactions I've experienced from men I just wasn't interested in, both here and in person:

Harassment - spam messages, calls, texts and following me on other social media.

Threats - to harm me, often threats to sexually assault me and saying they hope I get sexually assaulted.

Told I'm boring - because obviously not wanting to fuck everyone in the inbox makes me boring.

Told I'm rude - because they felt entitled to my response and I, for whatever reason, didn't respond to their advances.

Debates - guys will argue with me about why I should fancy them or get to know them.

Accusations of being a fake profile or catfish - the assumption is that if I am not interested in talking to them I'm not interested in taking to anyone. Actually, I talk to lots of people, I just wasnt intetested in them.

Insults - I mean, they go from saying I'm stunning to calling me a fat ugly bitch so quickly.

Assault - I've told men no in person before and they'll still put their hands on my body, forcibly.

So, it's upsetting and frightening sometimes. I get anxiety about it. The thing is, I don't feel safe to say I'm not interested anymore. I don't. I just try to escape the situation: not reply to the messages or read them, not engage in the conversation, make my body language closed and obvious I'm uncomfortable. Because I'm scared that when I say no I'm putting myself at risk or harassment or harm.

I've felt it is OK before, because I can block people, but a few times now I've blocked people and they make other accounts or find me on other social media.

It's not right. It's not fair. Please please guys, stop it. Don't scare women, don't try to intimidate them or make them feel they're bad people for not wanting you.

And, to those many of you men here who DON'T do these awful things: Thank you. You restore my faith and please, if you see anyone do this, please think about calling them out. Let's not let people keep thinking this is acceptable. "

Wow. I had no idea blokes were being like this. That’s really brave of you to say how you’re feeling. Feel awful for you, that must be so tough.

Keep your chin up.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"None of that should happen to anyone

No they shouldn’t. But they do, and very often. Yet we’re all rude as fuck for not replying to people and/or blocking them. "

Well said

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"This has made me question whether I want to be on fab anymore. I like to think I'm one of the more respectful none pushy types, I try and keep stuff humourous at least until there's a form of connection but I'm not sure o want to associated with this place if this is such a common experience. "

I stay because although the worst of society stay on Fab, so do some of the best.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet


"sorry to hear that yet another single female is being subjected to abuse etc from so called "Men" (p) assuming most of this is by men) sadly there is no real answer apart from liberal use of the block button, stick solely to messaging on here never KIK, Whatsapp etc, and if someone makes another account to get around the bloc report BOTH accounts its against fab rules! keep your wits about you and you WILL have a good time on here

This

Don't be in such a rush to add folk you've barely chatted to on here to your contacts elsewhere... Here you are in control... You log on to check messages when YOU choose and reply when it's convenient for YOU. But once you add someone to your contacts on an app like kik, WhatsApp, etc., you are giving someone 24/7 access to you (as long as your phone is switched on), and you suddenly realise just how annoying it is to have guys waking you at 4am to show you the pic of their erection they've just proudly taken while watching German porn, or to have them texting to ask if you prefer anal to blowjobs while you're trying to load the weekly shopping into the car or just randomly announcing that they're horny while you're scrubbing dog poop off the wheels of a buggy or shoes....

Men think with their dicks... It never occurs to them that their dick isn't your top priority or concern at any given moment of the day or night... So restrict their access and retain your own control.

As for finding you on social media.. That's always a risk, particularly with public face pics, but it also happens if you choose to accept a friend request from a swinger on Book of the Face or similar... Chances are, they're already friends with others they've been chatting to on Fab, and these people suddenly see you appearing on his friend list, or your posts popping up in news feed because he's been commenting on your posts and photos, and now, hey presto.... 20 or 30 other swingers he friend requested previously suddenly recognise you from Fab and know your real name, where you live, where you socialise, who your friends and family are, and probably where you work... You see where I'm going with this?

Yes, we all have a right to be treated with dignity and respect, and to choose who we want to communicate with. But there will be those who will not respect you. It's up to you how much of an opportunity you're going to give them to do so and how easy you're going to make it for them.

Your profile is in your control "

Great advice

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This has made me question whether I want to be on fab anymore. I like to think I'm one of the more respectful none pushy types, I try and keep stuff humourous at least until there's a form of connection but I'm not sure o want to associated with this place if this is such a common experience. "

It's not the site. It's everywhere.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"sorry to hear that yet another single female is being subjected to abuse etc from so called "Men" (p) assuming most of this is by men) sadly there is no real answer apart from liberal use of the block button, stick solely to messaging on here never KIK, Whatsapp etc, and if someone makes another account to get around the bloc report BOTH accounts its against fab rules! keep your wits about you and you WILL have a good time on here

This

Don't be in such a rush to add folk you've barely chatted to on here to your contacts elsewhere... Here you are in control... You log on to check messages when YOU choose and reply when it's convenient for YOU. But once you add someone to your contacts on an app like kik, WhatsApp, etc., you are giving someone 24/7 access to you (as long as your phone is switched on), and you suddenly realise just how annoying it is to have guys waking you at 4am to show you the pic of their erection they've just proudly taken while watching German porn, or to have them texting to ask if you prefer anal to blowjobs while you're trying to load the weekly shopping into the car or just randomly announcing that they're horny while you're scrubbing dog poop off the wheels of a buggy or shoes....

Men think with their dicks... It never occurs to them that their dick isn't your top priority or concern at any given moment of the day or night... So restrict their access and retain your own control.

As for finding you on social media.. That's always a risk, particularly with public face pics, but it also happens if you choose to accept a friend request from a swinger on Book of the Face or similar... Chances are, they're already friends with others they've been chatting to on Fab, and these people suddenly see you appearing on his friend list, or your posts popping up in news feed because he's been commenting on your posts and photos, and now, hey presto.... 20 or 30 other swingers he friend requested previously suddenly recognise you from Fab and know your real name, where you live, where you socialise, who your friends and family are, and probably where you work... You see where I'm going with this?

Yes, we all have a right to be treated with dignity and respect, and to choose who we want to communicate with. But there will be those who will not respect you. It's up to you how much of an opportunity you're going to give them to do so and how easy you're going to make it for them.

Your profile is in your control "

good advice. It works for me too.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But these nasty types of men don't put women off. They don't make women wary of who they meet. They don't make women angry/ nervous/ scared about how they are treated. They don't spoil it for other men, ever.

Oh hang on, it's always men that say the above. Make of that what you will...

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh that's awful!

I never give out social media information on here one still managed to find me my full name it's so creepy!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Yeah my pictures are also for Fab only, and my face is on private. No crossing the streams if I can help it.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not all men are like this

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ilth500Man
over a year ago

Merseyside


"Oh that's awful!

I never give out social media information on here one still managed to find me my full name it's so creepy! "

excuse my naivety here but hows that even possible?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Oh that's awful!

I never give out social media information on here one still managed to find me my full name it's so creepy! "

I never give out my other social media info, or name, but I've been found. It's very creepy.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"Not all men are like this"

Nobody said they were...

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Been nicely told no and I've abruptly told no...but just have man up and polity say ok thank you...some blocks are complete dxxks and give rest of us a bad reputation...so ladies your entitled to say no to whom ever you choose and if they get shity about it...block em AND report em happy fabbing

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"Go to the police for assault"

Yes. I've heard they are good at that.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

The things you describe are an absolute disgrace. I'm sorry you have been through them.

I (Luke) would never dream of treating anybody with such disrespect.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ilth500Man
over a year ago

Merseyside


"Oh that's awful!

I never give out social media information on here one still managed to find me my full name it's so creepy!

I never give out my other social media info, or name, but I've been found. It's very creepy. "

again excuse my naivety here but how is that even possible??

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Go to the police for assault

Yes. I've heard they are good at that."

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Not all men are like this"

I agree. It makes the bar very low for decent men!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Oh that's awful!

I never give out social media information on here one still managed to find me my full name it's so creepy!

I never give out my other social media info, or name, but I've been found. It's very creepy.

again excuse my naivety here but how is that even possible??"

I have no idea to be honest. I was taken aback by it. Baffled

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Oh that's awful!

I never give out social media information on here one still managed to find me my full name it's so creepy!

I never give out my other social media info, or name, but I've been found. It's very creepy.

again excuse my naivety here but how is that even possible??"

I believe social media can by linked with your mobile phone number.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Oh that's awful!

I never give out social media information on here one still managed to find me my full name it's so creepy!

I never give out my other social media info, or name, but I've been found. It's very creepy.

again excuse my naivety here but how is that even possible??

I believe social media can by linked with your mobile phone number. "

indeed it can I never five out my number either though

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *c1989Woman
over a year ago

Manchester


"Oh that's awful!

I never give out social media information on here one still managed to find me my full name it's so creepy!

I never give out my other social media info, or name, but I've been found. It's very creepy.

again excuse my naivety here but how is that even possible??

I believe social media can by linked with your mobile phone number. "

Only if you give social media your number...

FB has no reason to need my mobile number so I have never given it.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Not all men are like this

I agree. It makes the bar very low for decent men!

"

It does indeed, which is another issue I think.

If all that is required to be considered 'decent' is to not treat a person as your property or as something that you're entitled to treat or touch as you please, then that just encourages those that operate with minimum human decency to continue.

To add to the chorus of disapproval seems a little odd to me, having to condemn behaviour that should never happen makes me very very sad.

Tea

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One of the reasons I don't speak much to new (to me) ladies on here. They are rightfully suspicious. From the ladies I do chat to I hear many horror stories, amounting to scary, and frankly criminal, behaviour. Very little, if any, gets reported because of nature of the site & related meets. Sad reflection on human nature..

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They are weak and useless men, and

in other places they are called bullies. Do not allow them to bully you into anything not of your choosing, and remember always stand up to bullies.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"One of the reasons I don't speak much to new (to me) ladies on here. They are rightfully suspicious. From the ladies I do chat to I hear many horror stories, amounting to scary, and frankly criminal, behaviour. Very little, if any, gets reported because of nature of the site & related meets. Sad reflection on human nature.."

I think the nature of the site makes people feel less like they will come forward with making any official reports... I know given my job it would take a lot for me to report anything that happened to me linked to this site, and I also am aware how unlikely it is anything would even come of it.

And I think that the vile people out there know that too and feel more confident they can get away with it.

Also, I've reported some very concerning behaviour on here by a certain member, to admin, and they're still on, so I worry that people feel free to harass knowing nothing will happen to them other than a block.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Problems with those dickheads is that they can remain anonymous. But with the new law coming in July, this might change.

I encourage everyone to save or screenshot those messages, try to get their personal info and report them to the police.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Oh that's awful!

I never give out social media information on here one still managed to find me my full name it's so creepy!

I never give out my other social media info, or name, but I've been found. It's very creepy. "

Do you have your pics from fab on other social media sites? A search of your pic can sometimes bring up hits in other areas, if you do. This happened to me. Now my pics are exclusive to fab. I'm sorry to hear you have had such abusive and sometimes threatening messages/experiences I'm also glad it hasn't jaded you into thinking that it is all men. It can be a scary place sometimes. Remember the block button is your friend. Be brutal. If they set up another profile to hound you, report and block that too. Nobody has the right to speak to you like that and there be no consequences. Good luck OP

Holly

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *arkb73Man
over a year ago

Cheshire/Staffs

Not nice to be responded to in this way OP

However, this is a very harsh environment for single men who are treated like dirt on here even if polite.

Rejection and blocking is the default and that’s a pity

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ittleMissCaliWoman
over a year ago

all loved up

This is why I only meet in clubs. Rarely give my number out and don't give any real details out.

However I don't feel more threatened on here than in the real world

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"Not nice to be responded to in this way OP

However, this is a very harsh environment for single men who are treated like dirt on here even if polite.

Rejection and blocking is the default and that’s a pity "

Goodness, it's all about you, isn't it?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *arkb73Man
over a year ago

Cheshire/Staffs


"Not nice to be responded to in this way OP

However, this is a very harsh environment for single men who are treated like dirt on here even if polite.

Rejection and blocking is the default and that’s a pity

Goodness, it's all about you, isn't it? "

You’re not using the forum to contact me after blocking are you? Tut tut

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"Not nice to be responded to in this way OP

However, this is a very harsh environment for single men who are treated like dirt on here even if polite.

Rejection and blocking is the default and that’s a pity

Goodness, it's all about you, isn't it?

You’re not using the forum to contact me after blocking are you? Tut tut "

I'm using the forum to discuss a thread. Discussing the blocking is the thing that's not allowed. Which is not what I was doing. Thank you.

I was observing after the OP and others discussed being treated horrifically and criminally, you had to bring it around to woe is you.

Sometimes other people suffer too.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *eeBee67Man
over a year ago

Masked and Distant

Unbelievable how some respond so aggressively to a rejection on here.

Do they seriously thing being an arse is going to make some one change their mind.

Rest assured not all men on here are like that.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *arkb73Man
over a year ago

Cheshire/Staffs


"Not nice to be responded to in this way OP

However, this is a very harsh environment for single men who are treated like dirt on here even if polite.

Rejection and blocking is the default and that’s a pity

Goodness, it's all about you, isn't it?

You’re not using the forum to contact me after blocking are you? Tut tut

I'm using the forum to discuss a thread. Discussing the blocking is the thing that's not allowed. Which is not what I was doing. Thank you.

I was observing after the OP and others discussed being treated horrifically and criminally, you had to bring it around to woe is you.

Sometimes other people suffer too. "

I don’t want to discuss the blocking - I’m pointing out the irony.

I sympathised with the OP

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are these types in all walks of life, just block and forget. You could always turn your filters on so, no one can contact you and, message only those in which are verified and seem “normal”.

It comes with the territory when men are sexually frustrated and women being the prize and, in the minority.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Not nice to be responded to in this way OP

However, this is a very harsh environment for single men who are treated like dirt on here even if polite.

Rejection and blocking is the default and that’s a pity

Goodness, it's all about you, isn't it?

You’re not using the forum to contact me after blocking are you? Tut tut

I'm using the forum to discuss a thread. Discussing the blocking is the thing that's not allowed. Which is not what I was doing. Thank you.

I was observing after the OP and others discussed being treated horrifically and criminally, you had to bring it around to woe is you.

Sometimes other people suffer too. "

I read his post very differently to you.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never tell anyone anything real about your life eg name, where you live, job etc

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This has made me question whether I want to be on fab anymore. I like to think I'm one of the more respectful none pushy types, I try and keep stuff humourous at least until there's a form of connection but I'm not sure o want to associated with this place if this is such a common experience.

It's not the site. It's everywhere."

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Oh that's awful!

I never give out social media information on here one still managed to find me my full name it's so creepy!

I never give out my other social media info, or name, but I've been found. It's very creepy.

Do you have your pics from fab on other social media sites? A search of your pic can sometimes bring up hits in other areas, if you do. This happened to me. Now my pics are exclusive to fab. I'm sorry to hear you have had such abusive and sometimes threatening messages/experiences I'm also glad it hasn't jaded you into thinking that it is all men. It can be a scary place sometimes. Remember the block button is your friend. Be brutal. If they set up another profile to hound you, report and block that too. Nobody has the right to speak to you like that and there be no consequences. Good luck OP

Holly "

Oh I dont think.so om not sure my pictures are appropriate for the likes of facebook lol.

Oh you get nutters everywhere it's to be expected why let ot bother you right

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *r MoriartyMan
over a year ago

The Land that time forgot (Norfolk)

I love fab

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"It comes with the territory when men are sexually frustrated and women being the prize and, in the minority. "

I get what you are saying but I also think this idea that it's all part and parcel of being a woman on here is also part of the issue that a lot of people don't really think about.

I've had men tell me, when I've complained about the things in my OP, that I should take it as a compliment, or it's to be expected because I'm attractive and such.

But that's not really good enough, it's like society excusing these men for entitled behaviour, like they can't control themselves because they're frustrated or horny or they've been rejected so much.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"It comes with the territory when men are sexually frustrated and women being the prize and, in the minority.

I get what you are saying but I also think this idea that it's all part and parcel of being a woman on here is also part of the issue that a lot of people don't really think about.

I've had men tell me, when I've complained about the things in my OP, that I should take it as a compliment, or it's to be expected because I'm attractive and such.

But that's not really good enough, it's like society excusing these men for entitled behaviour, like they can't control themselves because they're frustrated or horny or they've been rejected so much."

Yes. The idea that men are just expected to be aggressive, intimidating, and violent when they don't get what they want, and women are just expected to cope with it, is disgusting.

How about having a wank and managing your feelings like an adult?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It comes with the territory when men are sexually frustrated and women being the prize and, in the minority.

I get what you are saying but I also think this idea that it's all part and parcel of being a woman on here is also part of the issue that a lot of people don't really think about.

I've had men tell me, when I've complained about the things in my OP, that I should take it as a compliment, or it's to be expected because I'm attractive and such.

But that's not really good enough, it's like society excusing these men for entitled behaviour, like they can't control themselves because they're frustrated or horny or they've been rejected so much."

I understand, I’m not in any way saying that their behaviour should be excused. I get the same pushy guys in my messages, being bi and non sub makes them more of an irritant than a worry though.

There are nice people here, don’t allow the ar*eholes to ruin your experience.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lot of nasty people in the world.

OP you have only been on the site 3 weeks, from what you have said, it seems to me that you need to be aware of your online safety, don't give out your number, requests to join WhatsApp and other apps to chat more easily gives out your number, if you want to do that or speak to them, get a cheap burner phone or sim card, or both, create a independent email that's not linked to anything else.

In form the police about any text you have received as the can trace the number.

How did they find your social media information?

You need to become invisible to anyone searching you on here.

If you do meet someone being a woman, make it on your terms, I would arrive 1hr early case the area even if you know it well, way up which direction they are most likely to come from, find a place and watch people carefully.

If it doesn't go well leave, even if they don't turn up and your driving,do some random turns in fact do several rights and lefts make sure you are not being followed, because he might not be the person in his profile, he could have turned up and is watching you.

I know someone that this happened to.

Scary I know. Buts it's very rear just be prepared that's all.

Take care and stay safe

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not sure how this has come about but whilst I absolutely get what has happened and know other ladies on here who also have a hard time ... in my 3.5 years I've not experienced anything like this nor do I really ever get (when my profile isn't hidden lol) rude messages. I reply to virtually every message and don't even get rude ones back!

Have no understanding of why some ladies are targeted more than others?

But no, no-one ever should be subjected to any of the above!!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *adame 2SwordsWoman
over a year ago

Victoria, London

I think I can tick all of those boxes, hence why I no long meet.

These days much more organised about telling people where I am, not giving my number out, and not afraid of getting the police involved. Refuse to be threatened.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry to hear this OP. Good that you have posted as if it makes at least on of these 'men' think twice about being disrespectful then its worthwhile.

Guys that are idiots get a grip ffs

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *eclanHMan
over a year ago

Liphook

It’s depressing. Feels sometimes like we’re regressing as opposed to progressing. And we should keep on calling this abuse out, especially men when they see this behaviour in other men.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

Lots of good advice on this thread.

In my experience the idiots are in the minority on here.

A bad response or experience tends to stick in the mind longer than all the neutral or ok ones.

Plenty of good people on here.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lots of nice guys out there don't let the baddens get to you, try and be a little less free with your contact details to, that probably hasn't helped.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sorry you're experiencing this.

I've been on here over two years, get hundreds of messages a week and very rarely get abuse (maybe 10 times in 2 years?)

I close messages down early if I'm not interested. I don't get into chat or debate. If I'm not interested that's it, done.

If they've put effort into a message I reply with a thanks but not for me.

Its it's a "fuck now" message I just delete. Done.

I don't have sexual conversations with randoms.

I do have socials.

On the rare occasion someone is abusive/offering cash I report. If someone was threatening me with physical violence I'd report to the police.

I don't do kik etc , I only communicate on here.

Very very rarely do I give out a tel no.

Made the mistake early on of giving out identifying personal info (nowt major), learnt my lesson from that.

I don't Fab d*unk or expect to find anything viable in messages sent once the pubs shut or at 3am.

All of the above work for me.

Hope your experience of Fab improves.

"

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Oh that's awful!

I never give out social media information on here one still managed to find me my full name it's so creepy!

I never give out my other social media info, or name, but I've been found. It's very creepy.

again excuse my naivety here but how is that even possible??

I believe social media can by linked with your mobile phone number.

Only if you give social media your number...

FB has no reason to need my mobile number so I have never given it. "

Same here

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Lot of nasty people in the world.

OP you have only been on the site 3 weeks, from what you have said, it seems to me that you need to be aware of your online safety, don't give out your number, requests to join WhatsApp and other apps to chat more easily gives out your number, if you want to do that or speak to them, get a cheap burner phone or sim card, or both, create a independent email that's not linked to anything else.

In form the police about any text you have received as the can trace the number.

How did they find your social media information?

You need to become invisible to anyone searching you on here.

If you do meet someone being a woman, make it on your terms, I would arrive 1hr early case the area even if you know it well, way up which direction they are most likely to come from, find a place and watch people carefully.

If it doesn't go well leave, even if they don't turn up and your driving,do some random turns in fact do several rights and lefts make sure you are not being followed, because he might not be the person in his profile, he could have turned up and is watching you.

I know someone that this happened to.

Scary I know. Buts it's very rear just be prepared that's all.

Take care and stay safe

"

Thank you for the advice. However I have done all those things. I keep my communication on here and I don't use Kik or anything like that.

I have given my Kik out on the past and it was a nightmare (I was on here before) and I have my number out once to someone I didn't really know and regretted it after they harassed me for a year. Sadly, due to my job and being poly still being judged, I didn't feel able to report it.

Most of the harassment I recieve from Fab remains on here but there was the person who found me on other things and I've no idea how.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *HX6969Man
over a year ago

St Albans

Just sad...

Nobody and specially woman should be treated like that. (period)

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry


"I'd like to share with you the more unpleasant side of this scene, that I've experienced so far.

Now, I can only speak as a woman, I won't suggested women don't do these things too, but I can't comment on that because I've no experience of it.

Do you know what often happens to me when I reject the advances of a man?

Here are some of the reactions I've experienced from men I just wasn't interested in, both here and in person:

Harassment - spam messages, calls, texts and following me on other social media.

Threats - to harm me, often threats to sexually assault me and saying they hope I get sexually assaulted.

Told I'm boring - because obviously not wanting to fuck everyone in the inbox makes me boring.

Told I'm rude - because they felt entitled to my response and I, for whatever reason, didn't respond to their advances.

Debates - guys will argue with me about why I should fancy them or get to know them.

Accusations of being a fake profile or catfish - the assumption is that if I am not interested in talking to them I'm not interested in taking to anyone. Actually, I talk to lots of people, I just wasnt intetested in them.

Insults - I mean, they go from saying I'm stunning to calling me a fat ugly bitch so quickly.

Assault - I've told men no in person before and they'll still put their hands on my body, forcibly.

So, it's upsetting and frightening sometimes. I get anxiety about it. The thing is, I don't feel safe to say I'm not interested anymore. I don't. I just try to escape the situation: not reply to the messages or read them, not engage in the conversation, make my body language closed and obvious I'm uncomfortable. Because I'm scared that when I say no I'm putting myself at risk or harassment or harm.

I've felt it is OK before, because I can block people, but a few times now I've blocked people and they make other accounts or find me on other social media.

It's not right. It's not fair. Please please guys, stop it. Don't scare women, don't try to intimidate them or make them feel they're bad people for not wanting you.

And, to those many of you men here who DON'T do these awful things: Thank you. You restore my faith and please, if you see anyone do this, please think about calling them out. Let's not let people keep thinking this is acceptable. "

To be honest I hear this same story over and over again from the women in my life. This is not isolated or unusual, its accruing way to much, out side of fab too. We can't put our fingers in our ears anymore and make excuses or pretend this doesn't happen. (Just to head this one off in advance) yes there are some shit bag women out there (I've encountered some my self) but our experience as men is not the same, or anywhere near. I hate to say this and for many years I'd gone all ostrich on it, but we have a problem with men in this society. Not all men Cleary but this story is repeating too many times to ignore that we as men in general have a big problem. Many of us have children. We don't want our daughters to grow up with this shit, we don't want our sons to be that guy. I think it's time that we of all genders start to take action and lead by example to stop this shit. Because our children are watching and we need to take leadership and set an example to them.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Oh that's awful!

I never give out social media information on here one still managed to find me my full name it's so creepy!

I never give out my other social media info, or name, but I've been found. It's very creepy.

again excuse my naivety here but how is that even possible??

I believe social media can by linked with your mobile phone number.

Only if you give social media your number...

FB has no reason to need my mobile number so I have never given it. "

I know, but not everyone knows the settings can be changed.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *bcums3Couple
over a year ago

lanarkshire

It’s shocking what some people have to put up with on here....to often you here “this is a sex site”.....yes it is but that doesn’t mean respect and politeness just disappears, you wouldn’t abuse someone in normal day to day life outside of fab for not being interested, or not want to chat with you? You would be punched in the face...or ( even arrested ) after some of he threats I’ve heard women get on here x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"It’s shocking what some people have to put up with on here....to often you here “this is a sex site”.....yes it is but that doesn’t mean respect and politeness just disappears, you wouldn’t abuse someone in normal day to day life outside of fab for not being interested, or not want to chat with you? You would be punched in the face...or ( even arrested ) after some of he threats I’ve heard women get on here x

"

"This is a sex site"... And I don't have sex with people who don't make me feel safe and comfortable.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hear you, OP. I've had the same - on and off fab. Pretty much all my life.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"I hear you, OP. I've had the same - on and off fab. Pretty much all my life."

I'd say Fab has been worse and more intense for me, but yes, it is also an indignity I've had to suffer because I'm female.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I hear you, OP. I've had the same - on and off fab. Pretty much all my life.

I'd say Fab has been worse and more intense for me, but yes, it is also an indignity I've had to suffer because I'm female. "

Sometimes I wish I was a man. Just to escape the unwanted attention.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"I hear you, OP. I've had the same - on and off fab. Pretty much all my life.

I'd say Fab has been worse and more intense for me, but yes, it is also an indignity I've had to suffer because I'm female.

Sometimes I wish I was a man. Just to escape the unwanted attention."

God yes. It's exhausting. I got shit to do!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *Man1263Man
over a year ago

Stockport

Sigh.

It does make me wonder about some men.

I am not even going to try to understand why some men behave in that manner, and of course if makes people jaded towards us single men (or does it happen with the men of couples as well?).

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We've all experienced bad behaviour, does not make it right, but the anonymity the site allows the user facilitates the bad behaviour. Block and keep moving.

You can't stop it, you can change how you react to it.

I once had a message from a disgruntled article saying he hoped I would die screaming in a crashed fiat

My response "highly unlikely, because I drive a Skoda"

Petulance will be met with sarcasm.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *Man1263Man
over a year ago

Stockport


"We've all experienced bad behaviour, does not make it right, but the anonymity the site allows the user facilitates the bad behaviour. Block and keep moving.

You can't stop it, you can change how you react to it.

I once had a message from a disgruntled article saying he hoped I would die screaming in a crashed fiat

My response "highly unlikely, because I drive a Skoda"

Petulance will be met with sarcasm.

"

Was he talking about a modern Fiat or something like a 126?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We've all experienced bad behaviour, does not make it right, but the anonymity the site allows the user facilitates the bad behaviour. Block and keep moving.

You can't stop it, you can change how you react to it.

I once had a message from a disgruntled article saying he hoped I would die screaming in a crashed fiat

My response "highly unlikely, because I drive a Skoda"

Petulance will be met with sarcasm.

Was he talking about a modern Fiat or something like a 126?

"

Oh? Should of asked! If it was Abarth model then gutted tbf

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top