FabSwingers.com forum: Quackers!

By *educed OP Woman
over a year ago

Birmingham

I am sleep deprived.

Every night for the past few weeks, a pair of ducks have been sitting on the window sill outside my bedroom and quacking.

They are driving me insane. I get up and shoo them away but they keep on coming back.

I've stuck a picture of a cat onto the window but this, if anything, has made them quack louder.

I put up a planter thinking that this would deter them but they are sitting on top of my pansies like they are fucking duck royalty and are still fucking quacking.

I can't help but think that perhaps someone I've done wrong by, has trained these fucking feathered things to drive me insane.

What gets rid of ducks? I'm deadly serious so no jokes about waking me up at the quack of dawn!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Earplugs would be the easy option. But I can’t sleep with them in. No idea how to repel ducks. Could always take the barbaric action of throwing stones at them which it sounds like you may be driven to do! Bit mean that though. Do you live by a lot of water?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I am sleep deprived.

Every night for the past few weeks, a pair of ducks have been sitting on the window sill outside my bedroom and quacking.

They are driving me insane. I get up and shoo them away but they keep on coming back.

I've stuck a picture of a cat onto the window but this, if anything, has made them quack louder.

I put up a planter thinking that this would deter them but they are sitting on top of my pansies like they are fucking duck royalty and are still fucking quacking.

I can't help but think that perhaps someone I've done wrong by, has trained these fucking feathered things to drive me insane.

What gets rid of ducks? I'm deadly serious so no jokes about waking me up at the quack of dawn!

Can you not sleep in another bedroom

Failing that I'm a professional duck trapper have you ever trapped a man who can trap ducks x

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By *hloevtTV/TS
over a year ago

norwich

Put re-runs off coronation street on your telly, that s##t would send anyone to sleep!!

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By *educed OP Woman
over a year ago

Birmingham

"Earplugs would be the easy option. But I can’t sleep with them in. No idea how to repel ducks. Could always take the barbaric action of throwing stones at them which it sounds like you may be driven to do! Bit mean that though. Do you live by a lot of water?"

Yes, there is a lake across the way. This pair of irritating fuckers prefer my window sill though.

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By *educed OP Woman
over a year ago

Birmingham

"I am sleep deprived.

Every night for the past few weeks, a pair of ducks have been sitting on the window sill outside my bedroom and quacking.

They are driving me insane. I get up and shoo them away but they keep on coming back.

I've stuck a picture of a cat onto the window but this, if anything, has made them quack louder.

I put up a planter thinking that this would deter them but they are sitting on top of my pansies like they are fucking duck royalty and are still fucking quacking.

I can't help but think that perhaps someone I've done wrong by, has trained these fucking feathered things to drive me insane.

What gets rid of ducks? I'm deadly serious so no jokes about waking me up at the quack of dawn!

Can you not sleep in another bedroom

Failing that I'm a professional duck trapper have you ever trapped a man who can trap ducks x"

I only have one bedroom!

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By *xperimentalistMan
over a year ago

East Yorkshire

Sprinkle hoi sin sauce on your pansies as a passive aggressive message?

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By *educed OP Woman
over a year ago

Birmingham

"Put re-runs off coronation street on your telly, that s##t would send anyone to sleep!! "

Is this aimed at sending me or the ducks to sleep?

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

White noise machine?

I once saw sleep headband headphones, that with white noise/ nature sounds? (like consistent rain or something soothing, not animals)

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By *educed OP Woman
over a year ago

Birmingham

"Sprinkle hoi sin sauce on your pansies as a passive aggressive message? "

I guess they are going to die anyway what with two big fat duck arses sat on them all night.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes, there is a lake across the way. This pair of irritating fuckers prefer my window sill though. "

I guess with repeated consequences the wouldn’t come back? Maybe try hosing them gently to make them bugger off. But to be honest who can be arsed with that in the middle of the night!

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

It might be a couple of quackheads playing a joke on you

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By *uckOfTheBayMan
over a year ago

Mold

They'll move on soon enough.

If you're going to give them bread (you really shouldn't)

Put some dried chillies in it and that'll soon shift them.

Besides, my duck is quite popular

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By *educed OP Woman
over a year ago

Birmingham

"White noise machine?

I once saw sleep headband headphones, that with white noise/ nature sounds? (like consistent rain or something soothing, not animals) "

I had a fleeting vision of ducks wearing headphones...

Oh I'm so tired.

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By *educed OP Woman
over a year ago

Birmingham

"It might be a couple of quackheads playing a joke on you

Duck off!

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By *carlet_woman_xxWoman
over a year ago

somewhere

Love ducks. Always wanted one

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Love ducks. Always wanted one

Are they cheap

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

I have a solution - might not be a workable one but at least it will shift the problem elsewhere - will PM you

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By *educed OP Woman
over a year ago

Birmingham

"Love ducks. Always wanted one

How do make a duck sing?

Stick it in the microwave until its Bill Withers!

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By *llaboutthewifeCouple
over a year ago

Cardiff

What about those spiky things you stick on the cill? Stops them sitting on it.

Try screwfix.

Hope they haven't laid an egg in your planter?

I used to have pet ducks, they are noisy buggers

Jo x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Love ducks. Always wanted one

How do make a duck sing?

Stick it in the microwave until its Bill Withers!"

That’s a daffy joke

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

I know your sleep deprived and I feel for you. I think I just wet myself a little reading this x

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

Oh dear the cat picture..lol

You must be at the end of your tether x

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By *carlet_woman_xxWoman
over a year ago

somewhere

"Love ducks. Always wanted one

Are they cheap "

Duck knows

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By *educed OP Woman
over a year ago

Birmingham

"What about those spiky things you stick on the cill? Stops them sitting on it.

Try screwfix.

Hope they haven't laid an egg in your planter?

I used to have pet ducks, they are noisy buggers

Jo x"

No nest, no eggs they just want to torture me.

I've looked at the spiky things and think that will be my next step.

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By *carlet_woman_xxWoman
over a year ago

somewhere

"Love ducks. Always wanted one

How do make a duck sing?

Stick it in the microwave until its Bill Withers!

That’s a daffy joke

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By *carlet_woman_xxWoman
over a year ago

somewhere

"Love ducks. Always wanted one

How do make a duck sing?

Stick it in the microwave until its Bill Withers!"

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By *educed OP Woman
over a year ago

Birmingham

"Oh dear the cat picture..lol

You must be at the end of your tether x"

I read tether as feather!

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

"Oh dear the cat picture..lol

You must be at the end of your tether x

I read tether as feather!

Use pencils stuck upright in the window box to you get the spikes.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"What about those spiky things you stick on the cill? Stops them sitting on it.

Try screwfix.

Hope they haven't laid an egg in your planter?

I used to have pet ducks, they are noisy buggers

Jo x

No nest, no eggs they just want to torture me.

I've looked at the spiky things and think that will be my next step. "

I hear you can get those up the mall...'ard though that might seem

Sorry did that sound a bit daffy?

Or maybe they're driving you quackers because you're such a titch (one for the oldies that one!!)

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London

To deter the ducks you can sprinkle cayenne pepper where they sit, or put a statue heron in place. These definitely work with no harm to the ducks.

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By *educed OP Woman
over a year ago

Birmingham

"What about those spiky things you stick on the cill? Stops them sitting on it.

Try screwfix.

Hope they haven't laid an egg in your planter?

I used to have pet ducks, they are noisy buggers

Jo x

No nest, no eggs they just want to torture me.

I've looked at the spiky things and think that will be my next step.

I hear you can get those up the mall...'ard though that might seem

Sorry did that sound a bit daffy?

Or maybe they're driving you quackers because you're such a titch (one for the oldies that one!!)

Oh you're on a roll...

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By *educed OP Woman
over a year ago

Birmingham

"To deter the ducks you can sprinkle cayenne pepper where they sit, or put a statue heron in place. These definitely work with no harm to the ducks.

I only have an inflatable flamingo.

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London

"To deter the ducks you can sprinkle cayenne pepper where they sit, or put a statue heron in place. These definitely work with no harm to the ducks.

I only have an inflatable flamingo. "

Kitsch

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By *uttyjonnMan
over a year ago

SEA

Charge them for lodging, hmmm they'd probably say put it on their bill.....I'll get me coat...TAXI

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By *educed OP Woman
over a year ago

Birmingham

"Charge them for lodging, hmmm they'd probably say put it on their bill.....I'll get me coat...TAXI"

Don't let the door hit you on the way out!

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

Just wait until they produce some gorgeous fluffy ducklings to go awww cute about

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By *educed OP Woman
over a year ago

Birmingham

"Just wait until they produce some gorgeous fluffy ducklings to go awww cute about"

I live on the third floor I can't have falling ducklings...

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By *oxtonMan
over a year ago

Some where in West Yorkshire

A 12 gauge shotgun should do the trick as they are commonly used to hunt geese and large ducks.

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By *nowwhitexxx1Woman
over a year ago

Hull

"A 12 gauge shotgun should do the trick as they are commonly used to hunt geese and large ducks. "

Hahaha literally wetting myself laughing sorry OP this must be sooo annoying for you, but this just tickled me

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By *uzukiNo1Woman
over a year ago

Rhyl

You can get either metal or rubber spike strips, prevents them from settling on the sill.....they will probably land but won't be able to settle so will find another spot.....

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By *uckOfTheBayMan
over a year ago

Mold

"Just wait until they produce some gorgeous fluffy ducklings to go awww cute about

I live on the third floor I can't have falling ducklings... "

Don't worry, they float to the ground, honest

Plenty of vids on youtube

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Double sided sticky tape on the window sill.

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By *uzukiNo1Woman
over a year ago

Rhyl

"Double sided sticky tape on the window sill."

OP wants then gone not stuck there forever...

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By *educed OP Woman
over a year ago

Birmingham

"A 12 gauge shotgun should do the trick as they are commonly used to hunt geese and large ducks. "

Honestly! I can't be trusted with a firearm. I'd shoot myself in the foot or something.

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By *educed OP Woman
over a year ago

Birmingham

"Double sided sticky tape on the window sill.

OP wants then gone not stuck there forever...

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By *oxtonMan
over a year ago

Some where in West Yorkshire

"A 12 gauge shotgun should do the trick as they are commonly used to hunt geese and large ducks.

Hahaha literally wetting myself laughing sorry OP this must be sooo annoying for you, but this just tickled me

"
I guess it's not the best idea but it will solve the problem of the ducks driving you mad. On the plus side you will get lots of guys in uniform at your door.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Double sided sticky tape on the window sill.

OP wants then gone not stuck there forever...

It won't stick them down, but birds hate sticky stuff on their feet. Had this problem back home a few years back and that's what the pest control guy recommended. It worked.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Put the mirror in the window. They may not like "other ducks" looking at them.

Failing that put some bread on the neighbours window sill.

Mrs

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By *educed OP Woman
over a year ago

Birmingham

"Put the mirror in the window. They may not like "other ducks" looking at them.

Failing that put some bread on the neighbours window sill.

Mrs "

I like your style. I don't like my neighbours.

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

"Put the mirror in the window. They may not like "other ducks" looking at them.

Failing that put some bread on the neighbours window sill.

Mrs

I like your style. I don't like my neighbours.

Great, kill 2 birds with 1 stone

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By *educed OP Woman
over a year ago

Birmingham

"Put the mirror in the window. They may not like "other ducks" looking at them.

Failing that put some bread on the neighbours window sill.

Mrs

I like your style. I don't like my neighbours.

Great, kill 2 birds with 1 stone

Haha

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By *heik yourwillyMan
over a year ago

shire

Offer them some chinese sauces

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was kinda hoping this thread was about prawn Quakers

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By *educed OP Woman
over a year ago

Birmingham

"I was kinda hoping this thread was about prawn Quakers "

Are they similar to salted Mormons?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have you ever wondered what duck tastes like...

It's great!

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By *educed OP Woman
over a year ago

Birmingham

"Have you ever wondered what duck tastes like...

It's great!"

I don't want to eat them!

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