FabSwingers.com forum: Advice needed

By *ettpair OP Couple
over a year ago

Kettering

So here goes.....my wife and i have been having some fun on here with guys some successful some not....she met a guy a couple of times with my permission but he let her down so i said no more...there's plenty of others to have fun with....he was blocked and we heard no more..she promised no more contact with him.. and that was that as far as i was concerned...we played with other/new guys and had great fun...but as i was laying in bed earlier her phone was going mad so ( maybe i shouldn't have as we have no secrets) i looked at her phone only to discover they've been messaging...arranging to get together to...well you know...I'm heartbroken...what do i do ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You're both grown adults. You discuss it and find a solution.

None of us here know you, your partner, or the health of your relationship.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You're both grown adults. You discuss it and find a solution.

None of us here know you, your partner, or the health of your relationship."

I agree 100%. Instead of coming here for advice, sit down and think about what is the best course of action.

Regardless of what conclusion you arrive at, you need to speak to her and to her alone about how you feel. Come with a clear goal, potential solutions and most importantly dont lose your shit.

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By *ettpair OP Couple
over a year ago

Kettering

Appreciate the reply....i just dont know what to say or even how to bring it up...suppose I'll get the ...your a man..man up suggestions...but I'm shaking with rage...and feel really let down....just don't know what to do..sorry for this but i have no one else to speak to...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Appreciate the reply....i just dont know what to say or even how to bring it up...suppose I'll get the ...your a man..man up suggestions...but I'm shaking with rage...and feel really let down....just don't know what to do..sorry for this but i have no one else to speak to..."

Dude, simple as, confront her calmly and rationally, ask her before you tell her you know, if she lies, tell her you have the evidence, if she's truthful, talk, calmly, speak about it, find out why and her feelings try and work through it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Right now I get that to let it out is healthy ... a cuppa ... to sit and verbalise your feelings! Here is useful for that especially at 4am!! A good idea to let your feelings out before you have that looming conversation with her ... advice from strangers? Not such a great idea except the only person you can sort it with is her! Lending you an ear ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She'll know pretty quickly anyway.

You've splattered all over the forums for her to read.

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By *ettpair OP Couple
over a year ago

Kettering

Been together for thirteen years....i came from an abusive relationship previously...when we got together i told her everything....i said at the time i can handle anything apart from cheating...if i get a sniff of anything like that we're through.....I'm not an idiot andI'm not some kind of put upon husband...but i really feel like that at the mo

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By *ettpair OP Couple
over a year ago

Kettering

"She'll know pretty quickly anyway.

You've splattered all over the forums for her to read. "
she doesn't read the forums..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"She'll know pretty quickly anyway.

You've splattered all over the forums for her to read. she doesn't read the forums.."

She also said she wouldn't meet the other guy.....

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By *ettpair OP Couple
over a year ago

Kettering

"She'll know pretty quickly anyway.

You've splattered all over the forums for her to read. she doesn't read the forums..

She also said she wouldn't meet the other guy....."
point taken....got a lot of thinking to do before she wakes up....thanks guys

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By *am4CamWoman
over a year ago

Fairy Land

Fellow forumites, be kind for a mo. OP, of course you feel conflicted as there is potentially an aspect of deception, but that is your 4am brain’s interpretation (if your 4am brain is anything like mine, it’s 30 percent accurate and 70 percent crazed chicken running around in mad circles). You do need to have a calm chat with your good lady, during the non-crazed chicken hours of the day. And that will sadly involve a confession that you have poked your nose into her mobile; thus presenting a great source for deflection tactics.

At the end of the day, from what you’ve seen, it’s only messages, flirting and so on. That I’m itself is often enough to satisfy an urge, but take the time to listen and understand her position.

Sleep now, if you can’t have a cup of tea and do anything non-fab until you can at least power nap yourself into Sunday.

Chin up. xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just do it sober, I learnt the hard way lad. Sober up, chill, STAY CALM, do not lose your shit as it'll be you in the wrong then, state your point and case, listen to the answer and only you can decide from there. However it goes, good luck pal. I've been there

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By *ettpair OP Couple
over a year ago

Kettering

"Fellow forumites, be kind for a mo. OP, of course you feel conflicted as there is potentially an aspect of deception, but that is your 4am brain’s interpretation (if your 4am brain is anything like mine, it’s 30 percent accurate and 70 percent crazed chicken running around in mad circles). You do need to have a calm chat with your good lady, during the non-crazed chicken hours of the day. And that will sadly involve a confession that you have poked your nose into her mobile; thus presenting a great source for deflection tactics.

Sleep now, if you can’t have a cup of tea and do anything non-fab until you can at least power nap yourself into Sunday.

Chin up. xx "
i really do appreciate the advice...i work long and unsociable hours....think the trust has defeated me if she's willing to meet him any time im at work....how can i possibly go to work thinking what's happening....thanks again I'll get through it x

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By *ink Panther 123Man
over a year ago

Colnbrook

Hi Buddy

She's broken the golden rule I'm afraid and can never get this, we are on a swinging site for goodness sake and honesty and openess should be observed by both parties.

My advice would be to get it out in the open talk it through and set some ground rules if you want to meet separately then it has to be agreed by both of you. I sympathise with you on the abusive relationship mine was mental abuse only physical once people say man up but it's easy to say that when your not in that situation and it's a horrible one to be in.

Good luck to you

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By *am4CamWoman
over a year ago

Fairy Land

Sleep now, if you can’t have a cup of tea and do anything non-fab until you can at least power nap yourself into Sunday.

Chin up. xx i really do appreciate the advice...i work long and unsociable hours....think the trust has defeated me if she's willing to meet him any time im at work....how can i possibly go to work thinking what's happening....thanks again I'll get through it x"

Not going to work isn’t a viable option. Like I said, it’s just a message exchange; more often than not, that is enough to satisfy a fantasy. Try to sleep, or at least, log off from here and distract yourself with something else until you can articulate your concerns sensibly when she has properly woken up. Don’t ambush her at 6am! Sleep. Or tea. Trust me.

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By *ettpair OP Couple
over a year ago

Kettering

[Removed by poster at 09/06/19 04:38:58]

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By *ettpair OP Couple
over a year ago

Kettering

I really do appreciate the advice....got another query...how do you close the thread ? I've never posted before so unsure what to do....feeling like the biggest loser in the world right now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Totally get this. Happened to me

Take a breath, calm down.

I know I handled it not to great.

And it grates on me even now that I'm no longer with her.

We are who we are.

Talk to her, there's no easy way.

But that's what needs to be done

You can't make any decisions until you have.

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