FabSwingers.com forum: Taking it one day at a time

By *dam1971 OP Man
over a year ago

Bedford

If things are tough and you’re getting overwhelmed by stuff, this is a good mantra.

As I sit here right now, it’s ok; I’m not in physical pain, I’m not sleeping rough, Hell - it’s not even raining. I’m ok.

Don’t worry about the crap that may or may not happen in the future, just get through today.

However there’s a drawback to this which I’m wondering about - while I’ve been taking it one day at a time since January, it’s suddenly June and my situation hasn’t changed.

Is taking it one day at a time not necessarily the best way?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If things are tough and you’re getting overwhelmed by stuff, this is a good mantra.

As I sit here right now, it’s ok; I’m not in physical pain, I’m not sleeping rough, Hell - it’s not even raining. I’m ok.

Don’t worry about the crap that may or may not happen in the future, just get through today.

However there’s a drawback to this which I’m wondering about - while I’ve been taking it one day at a time since January, it’s suddenly June and my situation hasn’t changed.

Is taking it one day at a time not necessarily the best way?"
why does it need change

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By *dam1971 OP Man
over a year ago

Bedford

"If things are tough and you’re getting overwhelmed by stuff, this is a good mantra.

As I sit here right now, it’s ok; I’m not in physical pain, I’m not sleeping rough, Hell - it’s not even raining. I’m ok.

Don’t worry about the crap that may or may not happen in the future, just get through today.

However there’s a drawback to this which I’m wondering about - while I’ve been taking it one day at a time since January, it’s suddenly June and my situation hasn’t changed.

Is taking it one day at a time not necessarily the best way?why does it need change"

Because while I’m existing and getting through each day, I don’t think a state of adequately miserable is a good place to be

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If things are tough and you’re getting overwhelmed by stuff, this is a good mantra.

As I sit here right now, it’s ok; I’m not in physical pain, I’m not sleeping rough, Hell - it’s not even raining. I’m ok.

Don’t worry about the crap that may or may not happen in the future, just get through today.

However there’s a drawback to this which I’m wondering about - while I’ve been taking it one day at a time since January, it’s suddenly June and my situation hasn’t changed.

Is taking it one day at a time not necessarily the best way?why does it need change

Because while I’m existing and getting through each day, I don’t think a state of adequately miserable is a good place to be"
ahhhhh ok im feelin ya

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve been down so long it feels like high to me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If things are tough and you’re getting overwhelmed by stuff, this is a good mantra.

As I sit here right now, it’s ok; I’m not in physical pain, I’m not sleeping rough, Hell - it’s not even raining. I’m ok.

Don’t worry about the crap that may or may not happen in the future, just get through today.

However there’s a drawback to this which I’m wondering about - while I’ve been taking it one day at a time since January, it’s suddenly June and my situation hasn’t changed.

Is taking it one day at a time not necessarily the best way?why does it need change

Because while I’m existing and getting through each day, I don’t think a state of adequately miserable is a good place to be"

There's definitely something to be said for keeping yourself going with that mantra. But I totally empathise with the feeling of a lack of actual progress. It's tricky to be maintaining your daily grind as it is but not dealing and sorting the problems that need facing and resolving (speaking for myself that is anyway).

Hope you find a way through Dude

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

None of us know if we ever have a tomorrow, so living the best today we can is all we can ever really do.

But if we have that sense that all our tomorrow's are just more groundhog days then we can either accept it, or change it.

Change it may not come easy, or without it's own pain, but like toothache, the pain eventually goes away and the future.....

It can be what you dream it to be.

Good luck OP, I hope things improve and the sun starts to shine on you.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

Speaking from personal experience, sometimes taking it one day at a time is a necessity. I do think it's terribly easy to become stagnant and by not tackling the actual issues, you're never going to move on and upwards with your life. It's not an easy thing to do though - changing the current day to day is stressful in itself. I hope you find a way and happiness x

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By *nowwhitexxx1Woman
over a year ago

Hull

I have to say at my darkest times it has taken me all my strength to just get through each minute.

I would always say when someone is having a bad time don't think about tomorrow... You just have to ride it out.. Second by second if necessary and the sunnier days will return... One way or another...

Sending huggles to anyone who needs them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If things are tough and you’re getting overwhelmed by stuff, this is a good mantra.

As I sit here right now, it’s ok; I’m not in physical pain, I’m not sleeping rough, Hell - it’s not even raining. I’m ok.

Don’t worry about the crap that may or may not happen in the future, just get through today.

However there’s a drawback to this which I’m wondering about - while I’ve been taking it one day at a time since January, it’s suddenly June and my situation hasn’t changed.

Is taking it one day at a time not necessarily the best way?"

Only you can change, and sometimes you have to take the balls and go for it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If things are tough and you’re getting overwhelmed by stuff, this is a good mantra.

As I sit here right now, it’s ok; I’m not in physical pain, I’m not sleeping rough, Hell - it’s not even raining. I’m ok.

Don’t worry about the crap that may or may not happen in the future, just get through today.

However there’s a drawback to this which I’m wondering about - while I’ve been taking it one day at a time since January, it’s suddenly June and my situation hasn’t changed.

Is taking it one day at a time not necessarily the best way?

Only you can change, and sometimes you have to take the balls and go for it"

this

Stephen Covey used to suggest concentrating the centre of your effort over things that are within your capacity to change.

Some things you can't change. Put them from your mind. Think about things you can change about your life and what you need to do to change them.

There's one life. No reruns. It's way too short to spend one second of it being unhappy.

Good luck!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I try to think of things in this way.......If I had a bunch of flowers and only one was bad,I'd just pick out that bad one and throw it away, not the whole bunch.

Using this way of thinking when referring to a week may help. So, if you have one bad day, don't write off the whole week, just that day. x

Also, as difficult as it may be, think of one positive thing from each day and use that to help you focus x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If things are tough and you’re getting overwhelmed by stuff, this is a good mantra.

As I sit here right now, it’s ok; I’m not in physical pain, I’m not sleeping rough, Hell - it’s not even raining. I’m ok.

Don’t worry about the crap that may or may not happen in the future, just get through today.

However there’s a drawback to this which I’m wondering about - while I’ve been taking it one day at a time since January, it’s suddenly June and my situation hasn’t changed.

Is taking it one day at a time not necessarily the best way?why does it need change

Because while I’m existing and getting through each day, I don’t think a state of adequately miserable is a good place to be"

Have you told your GP how you are still feeling? They might have suggestions that can help.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Having suffered depression for most of my life, Ironically becoming a mental health nurse for 20 odd years.

As a male and from a time when men had to be strong. It is so awesome now that guys are able to open up about that old black dog.

O.P. Thank you for sharing your feelings and remember its good to talk

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Adam, you haven't said what is causing this groundhog day feeling but I think I recall a post a few months ago. If it is about that, then you know that it can't be changed that easily but communication is important.

I suspect you want your feelings heard and some give and take and that is what marriage should be about (if it is your marriage), give and take.

You can continue to take one day at a time but it seems that you might be regretting that decision. How long to do want to keep the groundhog day mantra going for. A year, five years or more.

No one can make the decision for you and I wish you the very best of luck. S xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What change would make you happier ?

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By *akie32Man
over a year ago

winchester

Ive recently been diagnosed with a serious illness, life threatening even, either way life changing, and not for the better, lost my job, my house and my wife of 20 years, however I'm still planning for the future, I want to leave my kids something, so no living one day at a time isn't the best way, it's like treading water, it keeps you afloat, but doesnt get you anywhere. So set a goal and strive for it, it could be anything. Chin up dude, it's one life, live it, remember, no body gets out alive. Ps, not looking for sympathy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is so relatable for me!

Yes, sometimes we need to take life one day at a time, however, it's so easy to just become stuck in this rut of getting by.

I've recently started to change it up a bit, I still take each day as it comes, but I try to be proactive in it. I try to do something everyday, however small to work towards one of my goals. It's helping me not get stuck in one place.

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry

I have the same policy at the all you can eat buffet.

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry

In all seriousness I think you need to have a vision of direction but also be accepting the place you actually get to in the end may be very different (and possibly even better than imagined). Easier said than done. In the early stages of the darkest point in my life I was forlorn and crushed. I didn't want to see the world or get out and do anything. But I push my self up. It started with trips to the shops, running a bath, starting a project. As I started to function my mind started to look to the future again, even though it was scary, uncertain and uncharted territory (I'd had the life I love and the future I looked forward to pulled away from under me). Also in a strange way it was a new aventure. As I started to look forward, I started to move forward. I never got back what I had, where I've ended up is nothing like the plan I had but where I am now is a better place than before and far in excess of what I could have imagined. So look forward, take a path but be willing to accept that path may throw up some surprises and maybe not end where you envisioned it to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If things are tough and you’re getting overwhelmed by stuff, this is a good mantra.

As I sit here right now, it’s ok; I’m not in physical pain, I’m not sleeping rough, Hell - it’s not even raining. I’m ok.

Don’t worry about the crap that may or may not happen in the future, just get through today.

However there’s a drawback to this which I’m wondering about - while I’ve been taking it one day at a time since January, it’s suddenly June and my situation hasn’t changed.

Is taking it one day at a time not necessarily the best way?"

That's sometimes all we can do. Hope you're ok. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I try to think of things in this way.......If I had a bunch of flowers and only one was bad,I'd just pick out that bad one and throw it away, not the whole bunch.

Using this way of thinking when referring to a week may help. So, if you have one bad day, don't write off the whole week, just that day. x

Also, as difficult as it may be, think of one positive thing from each day and use that to help you focus x"

I like that idea.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I kinda have to live day to day due to numerous health problems. Sometimes it really bothers me and I feel I should think more longterm but the truth is we do what we can to get through and I'm happy enough Wish all you guys much love.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends on the whether it's a situation you can change that's creating this feeling, or if it's something you have no control over.

Depends on where your head is.

Sometimes it depends on timescale too, say you're hating your job and it's bringing you down to the point you're really struggling but you know that in 6 weeks you've a holiday coming or new management ate taking over. Sometimes that timescale is enough to keep you plodding and accepting things the way they are because you know they'll change soon.

Having no timescale or nothing to look forward to is what I have found the most distressing at times.

I have a friendly ear if needed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I struggle, like You, like a lot of people.

There are always people, even in the unlikliest of places. (Yes, even here) you can talk to.

It's not easy, a lot of the time, I don't think it's worth it. Or I'm worth It.

We can only try.

A quote I have in a frame.

I know you're sad, so I won't tell you to 'have a good day'.

Instead, I advise you to simply 'have a day.

Stay alive, feed yourself, wear comfy clothes, and don't give up on yourself just yet.

It "will" be better. Until then.

"Have a day"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Adam. I think sometimes you just need to tread water. And that can be so hard. AntiDs can help if you're not on them already. X

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By *dam1971 OP Man
over a year ago

Bedford

"Depends on the whether it's a situation you can change that's creating this feeling, or if it's something you have no control over.

Depends on where your head is.

Having no timescale or nothing to look forward to is what I have found the most distressing at times.

I have a friendly ear if needed

Thanks for the replies, they were all very heartwarming to read.

This one above is one that really struck a chord to reply to as the problem I have is easy to cope with for a few weeks or maybe a few months.

The difference is whether it’s a few months and then it’s finished, or this is the first few months which will continue like this for the rest of my life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Depends on the whether it's a situation you can change that's creating this feeling, or if it's something you have no control over.

Depends on where your head is.

Having no timescale or nothing to look forward to is what I have found the most distressing at times.

I have a friendly ear if needed

Thanks for the replies, they were all very heartwarming to read.

This one above is one that really struck a chord to reply to as the problem I have is easy to cope with for a few weeks or maybe a few months.

The difference is whether it’s a few months and then it’s finished, or this is the first few months which will continue like this for the rest of my life."

Then, if you can change small things to make it easier to deal with long term, do them.

One thing I have learned in my life is that I found myself in a situation I thought there was no escape from. I couldn't see a future that contained any happiness whatsoever. One day I snapped and I made the choice to try to be happy, if I tried and failed at least I had tried rather than just giving up for good and ensuring I remained miserable for however long I had left on this planet.

It was difficult, it was terrifying, but it was also the start of living again rather than existing.

Don't be afraid to ask for support. Don't be afraid to research. And don't be afraid to allow yourself happiness

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Honestly give yourself a break.. it takes as long as it takes but you'll know.. one day you will wake up and it'll hurt less. One day you'll wake up and feel at peace. One day you'll wake up and feel happy. You only truly believe it's possible once a layer of cloud disappears. It took me 3 years to get to this point and I never believed it was possible. You'll know when it's time to push yourself.. you may not step up every time you try. But your only goal is yourself so you can never fail. You'll get there x

Saff

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Op I can understand you completely, long story short a few years ago I had a mental break down and reached out to my GP. I’m on my own completely with my kids no mum dad family etc. I had to ask someone for help as I knew mentally I wasn’t coping.

I can not stress how good social services and my NHS were with giving me help and after I said I needed help it made me realise how much I’d been holding onto things, I had therapy and it helped a lot with ptsd and other issues. I learnt coping mechanisms

Hope your ok. Reach out to your gp or local out reach team x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Friday in 31 mins

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nothing ever stays the same. We can seemingly live the same way for a very long time but there are always tiny subtle movements going on. We just need to help nudge them in the directions we want in whatever miniscule way we can, so eventually you are looking in a different direction without even realising.

There is always a way, things seem to run to their own ti_eline sometimes, its just a case of riding it all out and staying strong and with it in the process.

That probably reads back as a load of rubbish sorry, but if nothing else, keep the faith x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Friday in 31 mins"

And ? For someone who experiences loneliness Friday and Saturdays can be very lonely, work at times keeps me in contact with people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I struggle, like You, like a lot of people.

There are always people, even in the unlikliest of places. (Yes, even here) you can talk to.

It's not easy, a lot of the time, I don't think it's worth it. Or I'm worth It.

We can only try.

A quote I have in a frame.

I know you're sad, so I won't tell you to 'have a good day'.

Instead, I advise you to simply 'have a day.

Stay alive, feed yourself, wear comfy clothes, and don't give up on yourself just yet.

It "will" be better. Until then.

"Have a day""

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If things are tough and you’re getting overwhelmed by stuff, this is a good mantra.

As I sit here right now, it’s ok; I’m not in physical pain, I’m not sleeping rough, Hell - it’s not even raining. I’m ok.

Don’t worry about the crap that may or may not happen in the future, just get through today.

However there’s a drawback to this which I’m wondering about - while I’ve been taking it one day at a time since January, it’s suddenly June and my situation hasn’t changed.

Is taking it one day at a time not necessarily the best way?"

I’d just like to add this was 3 years ago and only the past 18 months have I started to see changes. Small steps one day at a time x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had a breakdown at the beginning of the year and to be honest after seeking medical help I took things one hour at a time, it was more manageable and really helped . Sending hugs x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Adam

There is nothing in the world that cannot be changed. Yet it often comes slowly, one step at a time, manageable small steps that build to a new place where you find that peace. Sometimes it comes in an explosive rush with all the attendant drama. Both ways take courage, bravery belief in your own ability to find your own happiness, whilst still being responsible as a parent or person and not losing sight of that dream you chase.

The dream may change the route to it may not he straightforward, there will be setbacks and difficulties on the way. Yet you are the only person responsible for your own life your own dreams and the understanding of what will bring you peace.

Those changes may take you to places you never expected the dreams may change, life does that to all of us.

Dont expect miracles, they are a rarity, just accept that change comes in it's own time. But it only comes if we determine we are going to change those things we can no longer accept, and take steps towards that change every single day.

I dont know the detail of your story, and dont want to. Each of us has a unique story to tell, that continues and changed every day of our lives.

Each one of us can only ever change our own story, and the hardest part is taking that first step.

Today is a new day, it has endless possibilities for you. And each new day after that does too.

So today do just one thing, start with something simple, smile at yourself in a mirror tell yourself it's going to be a good day, walk to work perhaps, it doesnt matter how small the change, just change one simple thing.

Its your life to make it what you want it to be, one day at a time....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Adam

Those changes may take you to places you never expected the dreams may change, life does that to all of us.

I dont know the detail of your story, and dont want to. Each of us has a unique story to tell, that continues and changed every day of our lives.

Each one of us can only ever change our own story, and the hardest part is taking that first step.

Today is a new day, it has endless possibilities for you. And each new day after that does too.

Its your life to make it what you want it to be, one day at a time....

Whilst I agree with this completely, sometimes it’s more than feeling inadequate, or low ! Mental health is as important as physical health, and it really shouldn’t be ignored.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Friday in 31 mins

And ? For someone who experiences loneliness Friday and Saturdays can be very lonely, work at times keeps me in contact with people. "
and its another day

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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago

Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro

Theres some truth in this "If you want something different, you have to do something different"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Theres some truth in this "If you want something different, you have to do something different" "

I agree with this. If you always do what youve always done you will always get what you’ve always give !

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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago

Paisley

Perhaps making small changes will help. I was on anti depressants and three kids to bring up on my own.

After a while I decided to do a part time course at college to make me go out and socialise. After a couple of years I was ready to go back to work and eventually found a new job.

Depression never really leaves you I don’t think, you just get better at dealing with it and recognising it.

Maybe you could get a pet and have a reason to get up every day. A dog would encourage you to get out and it’s surprising how many people will speak to you.

Feel free to PM. Even if it’s just to say hello.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

You have to work with what coping mechanism works for you.

No point looking at or thinking about the bigger picture if the thought of the bigger picture is too overwhelming.

Instead focus on one thing you can change, try to change that before moving onto the next etc. In time, before you know it, all the pieces will come together.

Might take longer, a lot longer. But the destination is the same, you just took a slower route.

But remember, you can plan for any eventuality but more often than not life throws a curveball, and whatever it is you’ve been worrying about and stressing over gets resolved in it’s own way. The choices taken out of your hands.

And sometimes that’s the best way. Short, sharp, Done.

Not sure i’ve articulated myself well here, but it made sense in my head.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You have to work with what coping mechanism works for you.

No point looking at or thinking about the bigger picture if the thought of the bigger picture is too overwhelming.

Instead focus on one thing you can change, try to change that before moving onto the next etc. In time, before you know it, all the pieces will come together.

Might take longer, a lot longer. But the destination is the same, you just took a slower route.

And sometimes that’s the best way. Short, sharp, Done.

Not sure i’ve articulated myself well here, but it made sense in my head.

Love this reply. One My coping mechanism was to just stop people pleasing and completely cut myself off from any social media and don’t reply back to messages,,

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