FabSwingers.com forum: The best 'so bad they're good' jokes

By *DreamOfGenie OP Woman
over a year ago

London

I can only ever remember one joke - share your best ones here!

What's better than Ted Danson?

Ted singin' AND Danson!

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By *cgkcCouple
over a year ago

Hitchin

I seldom let pass any opportunity to say 'why the long face?' in horse-based situations...

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Just half inched this from another thread....

Why are pirates called pirates?

Cos they Arrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Made me laugh.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Saw this on springwatch last night..

Where do fish keep their money?

In the riverbank

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan
over a year ago

Sussex

What is the connection between Vlad The Impaler and Rupert The Bear?...

'same middle name

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By *r_PinkMan
over a year ago

london stratford

What's a Jewish dilemma?

FREE PORK!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

English children are kind.

German children are kinder.

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By *inkysexpotMan
over a year ago

leeds

"I can only ever remember one joke - share your best ones here!

What's better than Ted Danson?

Ted singin' AND Danson!"

Geni812 "ahhh I've just stubbed my toe!!!"

Myself "are you ok? Do you want me to call you an ambulance?"

Genie812 "yes it bloody hurt"

Myself "Genie812 is an ambulance, Ginie812 is an ambulance"

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"What is the connection between Vlad The Impaler and Rupert The Bear?...

'same middle name"

FFS ..... i've been sat working it out!

Doh ...

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"What's a Jewish dilemma?

FREE PORK!!!!

Nah FREE PORK at a Labour Party Conference.

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By *ichelangeloxMan
over a year ago

cambridge

Why did the chicken go to the séance?

To get to the other side!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him.

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By *good-being-badMan
over a year ago

mis-types and auto corrects leads cock leeds

The recipe said, "Put the stew in at 180 degrees."

So I did.

Now it's all over the bottom of the fucking oven.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Knock knock

Who's there

Interrupting cow

Interrupting cow w..

MOOOOOOO

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I put my dyson up for sale.

It was just gathering dust...

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

"I can only ever remember one joke - share your best ones here!

What's better than Ted Danson?

Ted singin' AND Danson!"

LOL!

Where do you weigh a whale?

At a whale-weigh station!

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By *DreamOfGenie OP Woman
over a year ago

London

These are beautiful. Keep 'em coming!

Was told another one this morning - What was Whitney Houston's favourite kind of coordination?

HAND EEEEEEEYE...

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

"These are beautiful. Keep 'em coming!

Was told another one this morning - What was Whitney Houston's favourite kind of coordination?

HAND EEEEEEEYE..."

Actually guffawed from my bed here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"These are beautiful. Keep 'em coming!

Was told another one this morning - What was Whitney Houston's favourite kind of coordination?

HAND EEEEEEEYE..."

Quality!

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By *anielpiercedMan
over a year ago

by the seaside

Friend of mine had a penis extension....

...now his house looks really stupid

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would tell you the secret about butter, but you'd only go and spread it

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By *anielpiercedMan
over a year ago

by the seaside

Friend of mine keeps going on and on about his orthapedic shoe...

...personally I think he's built it up too much

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was going to go with my joke about a broken drum, but you can't beat it...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a Mexican looking for his car?

...Carlos

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By *astledking19TV/TS
over a year ago

buckingham

"My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him."

Pmsfl

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By *iddlesticksMan
over a year ago

My nan’s spare room.

Two fish in a tank.

One says “where’s the clutch”

Two birds on a perch

One says “can you mell fish”

Two eggs in a pan

One says “it’s hot in here”

The other says “fuck me, a talking egg”

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Past , Present and Future walked into a bar.

It was tense.

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By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

"I would tell you the secret about butter, but you'd only go and spread it

That reminds me of a Milton Jones joke. I used to have and auntie Marge. She was always ill. We used to say "I can't believe she's not better."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I would tell you the secret about butter, but you'd only go and spread it

That reminds me of a Milton Jones joke. I used to have and auntie Marge. She was always ill. We used to say "I can't believe she's not better.""

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By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

"Two fish in a tank.

One says “where’s the clutch”

Two birds on a perch

One says “can you mell fish”

Two lions walking down the high street. One of them turns to the other and says "It's a bit quiet for a Saturday.

Two fish in a tank, one behind the other. What's the front one's name?

Bob.

You can tell because the one behind him keeps trying to call him.

That works better as a visual joke, but do what you can with it.

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By *irenGuy70Man
over a year ago

Cirencester

Why shouldn't you wear pants made in Ukraine? Chernobyl fall out.

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By *Marvel-Man
over a year ago

In The Gym

I can think of a few. I'll just write one for now.

I can’t remember how to write 51, 6 and 500 in Roman numerals.

I’m LIVID.

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By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

There were two weevils who were brothers. One of them went off to Hollywood, became a big film star and became rich and successful. The other was happy staying on the farm where he was born. He was known as the lesser of two weevils.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was going to go with my joke about a broken drum, but you can't beat it..."

I was going to tell the one about my pussy but you'll never get it.

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By *Marvel-Man
over a year ago

In The Gym

"I was going to go with my joke about a broken drum, but you can't beat it...

I was going to tell the one about my pussy but you'll never get it. "

Laughed at this!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a fly without any wings?

A walk

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just half inched this from another thread....

Why are pirates called pirates?

Cos they Arrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Made me laugh."
you got that from me haha yay!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did the Mexican man shove his dead wife under the carpet?

Under lay! Under lay!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Another Mexican joke, why did the Mexican push his wife off the cliff?

Tequila!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What is the connection between Vlad The Impaler and Rupert The Bear?...

'same middle name

FFS ..... i've been sat working it out!

Doh ..."
haha I get it ... That's a good one

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I can only ever remember one joke - share your best ones here!

What's better than Ted Danson?

Ted singin' AND Danson!"

I met a lady who introduced herself as Lucy. Lucy Lastic. So cheesy it was hilarious at the time.

And the elastic was most definitely loose as I discovered.

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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago

Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro

What do you call a dog with no legs?

It doesn't matter hes not coming

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By *osie xWoman
over a year ago

wolverhampton

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No idea

What do you call a deer with no eyes or legs?

Still no idea

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By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

"What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No idea

What do you call a deer with no eyes or legs?

Still no idea"

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no cock?

Still no fucking idea.

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By *azpiz1Man
over a year ago

Camberley

I went to the chemist. I said "I'd like a comb please"

He said "do you want a steel one?"

I said, "No, I'll pay for it"

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By *Marvel-Man
over a year ago

In The Gym

Went to the Vet and told them my dog has no nose. They asked how does he smell?

I replied. Terrible!

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By *azpiz1Man
over a year ago

Camberley

So I said to the chemist, "Do you have cotton wool balls?"

He said "what do you think I am, a teddy bear?"

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By *osie xWoman
over a year ago

wolverhampton

"What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No idea

What do you call a deer with no eyes or legs?

Still no idea

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no cock?

Still no fucking idea. "

lol nice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two scientists go the bar and one orders a c2o.

The bartender asks the other scientist what he wants and he said I'll have a c2o too.

A couple minutes later he ends up dead.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A Roman walks into a bar and holds up two fingers.

"Five beers please"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A Roman walks into a bar and holds up two fingers.

"Five beers please""

Laughed more than I should

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By *anejohnkent6263Couple
over a year ago

canterbury

How do you get a fat bird into bed

Piece of cake ....x

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By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

"Went to the Vet and told them my dog has no nose. They asked how does he smell?

I replied. Terrible! "

"My dog's got no dictionary."

"How does he spell terrible?"

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By *acavityMan
over a year ago

Redditch

"Two scientists go the bar and one orders a c2o.

The bartender asks the other scientist what he wants and he said I'll have a c2o too.

A couple minutes later he ends up dead."

It's even better with H2O (water) & H2O2 (hydrogen peroxide, antiseptic / bleach)

Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?

He was pulled under by a strong currant.

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By *astledking19TV/TS
over a year ago

buckingham

A chemist asked me if I knew the chemical symbol for sodium?

Na,came my reply

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By *ired_upMan
over a year ago

ashton

How does Bob Marley like his donuts?

Wit' jam in!

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By *ired_upMan
over a year ago

ashton

There was a guy shot near me the other day with a starting pistol.

Police think it's race related.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ive just bought the worlds worst thesaurus. Not only is it terrible, its also terrible.

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By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

I went to a fancy dress party as potassium manganate. While I was there somebody threw some sodium chloride over me. It was terrible. I just didn't know how to react.

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By *Marvel-Man
over a year ago

In The Gym

"Ive just bought the worlds worst thesaurus. Not only is it terrible, its also terrible. "

What do you call a Dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?

A Thesaurus

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By *he James gangCouple
over a year ago

NEWTOWNABBEY

My dog had no legs, I called it woodbine, I took it for a drag every night.

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By *he James gangCouple
over a year ago

NEWTOWNABBEY

What's the difference between an egg and a wank?

You can beat an egg but you can't beat a wank??

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By *aven RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"What is the connection between Vlad The Impaler and Rupert The Bear?...

'same middle name"

Winnie the Pooh too x

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By *astledking19TV/TS
over a year ago

buckingham

How do you get an astronaut’s baby to sleep?

Rocket

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How come you can tune a guitar but you can’t guitar a tuna?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I couldn't believe my luck at what I found just lying about on the floor, being missed by everyone yesterday; A couple of fivers and a bit of change for one, but also a decent looking woolly hat which is great when it's cold out.

The only person who spotted them apart from myself was a bloke carrying a guitar, but I was the quickest and you should have seen how furious he was that I did so!

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

Why did the chicken cross the road ?

To see the idiot...knock knock..who’s there ? .......The Chicken

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By *horleygentMan
over a year ago

Accrington

Did you hear about the magic tractor?

It turned into a field.

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By *icheekyMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

Shortest joke I ever heard is just three words.

"Venison's dear innit?"

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By *icheekyMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

Then he asked if I knew the formula for Sodium Bromide.

NaBrO was the reply.

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By *icheekyMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

"A Roman walks into a bar and holds up two fingers.

"Five beers please"

Laughed more than I should

Then he asks for a Martinus. The barman says "Do you mean a Martini" and the roman says "If I wanted a double I'd have asked for it."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the difference between light and hard?

I can get to sleep with the light on

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By *V-AliceTV/TS
over a year ago

Ayr

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day; but I couldn't find any.

Thank you, Tommy Cooper.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs and swims across the channel twice....Cleverdick

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By *DreamOfGenie OP Woman
over a year ago

London

Excellent work here, everyone!

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

What type of bees produce milk?

Boob bees

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

when i die i hope i go like my grandfather, peacefully and in his sleep......and not like the passengers in his car

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By *irenGuy70Man
over a year ago

Cirencester

People are always shocked when they find out I'm a terrible electrician.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Saw this on springwatch last night..

Where do fish keep their money?

In the riverbank

Funny thread. Enjoyed it

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By *arnayguyMan
over a year ago

Durham Tees

"These are beautiful. Keep 'em coming!

Was told another one this morning - What was Whitney Houston's favourite kind of coordination?

HAND EEEEEEEYE..."

Oh bravo!

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By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

Two snowmen in a field, one says to the other ‘Can you smell carrots?’

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By *picknspanMan
over a year ago

North West Leeds

Theft in a multi storey car park...it's wrong on every level

Two fish in a tank. One says how do you drive this?

Miss: Johnny you wernt at school yesterday, why was that?

Johnny: My dad got burnt Miss

Miss: not badly I hope

Johnny: they don't fuck about at the Crematorium Miss

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My wife said to me last night..

“Baby, give me 12 inches and make me bleed”

So I shagged her twice then butted her.

(Thanks chubby

)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I entered a blind man's masturbation competition.....fuck knows where i came.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Was at the garden centre yesterday, I could have sworn I saw Michael J Fox but couldn't be 100% certain as he had his back to the fuschia

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By *eakcoupleCouple
over a year ago

peak district

A Doc is examining a patient and says "I'm sorry to say you haven't long to live, Mr Jones."

Jones says "Oh no, how long, Doc?"

The Doc replies "Five."

"Five what? says Jones

and the Doc replies

"Five

"Four

"Three

"Two....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Was at the garden centre yesterday, I could have sworn I saw Michael J Fox but couldn't be 100% certain as he had his back to the fuschia

I’m nicking that one

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Paddy walked into a bar and said “owww”

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By *icheekyMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

What's the difference between a bad egg and a good wank?

You can beat a bad egg.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Solved one of life’s biggest questions at the weekend at a fancy dress party, I was dressed as a chicken and couldn’t believe my look when I pulled this stunning lady dressed as a egg .... The chicken came first

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By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Most popular time of the day to visit the dentist ??

Tooth hurtie

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By *wingin CatMan
over a year ago

London

If TyPhoo put the tea in Britain....

....then who put the cunt in Scunthorpe?

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By *anejohnkent6263Couple
over a year ago

canterbury

Knock knock....who's there ....doctor ...doctor who

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My wife says I make love like a painter

What like da Vinci ? Smooth strokes , attention to detail and resulting in a masterpiece I asked.

Nope , like the fucking council.

Rush the fucking job , leave a fucking mess and I end up doing it my fucking self

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What’s the most popular time of day to visit the dentist ??

Tooth hurtie

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Little Johnny turns up late for school one day and his teacher asks why.

Little Johnny responds, "It's snowing heavily outside, so every time I took one step forward, I slipped two steps back."

"Well, how did you make it to school then?"

Little Johnny sighs, "I got fed up, so I turned to go home."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 08/06/19 10:19:12]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why do cows have hoofs?

Because they lactose....

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