FabSwingers.com mobile

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to The Lounge

Which emotional muscle are you training?

Jump to newest
 

By *stella OP   Woman
over a year ago

London

We talk a lot about emotional maturity and soft skills as important for progress/success in say the working world, as opposed to solely focusing on technical training - and by plagiarising this list of twenty such ‘emotional’ skills, my question is:

If you had to choose, which of these skills would you like to build your metaphorical muscles in?

Pick as many as you’d like - and it’s not to suggest you are saying you don’t have any of the skill to begin with, but that it’s one you’d like to train up further.

So which one/or ones specifically from this list would you choose?

The list of 20 are:

adaptability

calm

charm

communication

confidence

creativity

decisiveness

diplomacy

effectiveness

eloquence

empathy

entrepreneurship

innovation

leadership

objectivity

playfulness

purpose

resilience

self-awareness

supportiveness

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Calm

I can go from 1 to boiling point quite quickly

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can I just say I find the phrase ‘soft skills’ which is basically don’t be a cunt, incredible annoying. It’s humans over complicating things that should come naturally.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *stella OP   Woman
over a year ago

London


"Calm

I can go from 1 to boiling point quite quickly "

I hear you, I’m definitely in need of working on this for when it’s something I feel passionate about and I think someone is being a prick about it. I need a “workout sheet”, as to how to train this muscle better. Stop and breathe is all I’ve got...!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

After coming out of a long spell of darkness I'm now preparing to go back to work and get back to a new kind of reality. I'm currently working on adaptability and confidence in dealing with change.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *stella OP   Woman
over a year ago

London


"Can I just say I find the phrase ‘soft skills’ which is basically don’t be a cunt, incredible annoying. It’s humans over complicating things that should come naturally."

Is soft skills meaning that? Not sure. But noted

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Can I just say I find the phrase ‘soft skills’ which is basically don’t be a cunt, incredible annoying. It’s humans over complicating things that should come naturally.

Is soft skills meaning that? Not sure. But noted "

Isn’t it just talking to someone in a decent manner.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Playfulness.

Work and life have been very serious for too long and I never had much a playful side to start with.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Can I just say I find the phrase ‘soft skills’ which is basically don’t be a cunt, incredible annoying. It’s humans over complicating things that should come naturally."
eloquence personified

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *stella OP   Woman
over a year ago

London


"After coming out of a long spell of darkness I'm now preparing to go back to work and get back to a new kind of reality. I'm currently working on adaptability and confidence in dealing with change. "

How scary and exciting at the same time! Do you know the type of work you’re looking to do, is it a change or is it similar to what you’ve done before?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"Can I just say I find the phrase ‘soft skills’ which is basically don’t be a cunt, incredible annoying. It’s humans over complicating things that should come naturally.

Is soft skills meaning that? Not sure. But noted

Isn’t it just talking to someone in a decent manner. "

No. It's about all those skills that we think we don't need to learn because they should be part of our make up. Communication is only one of the soft skills.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Calm

I can go from 1 to boiling point quite quickly

I hear you, I’m definitely in need of working on this for when it’s something I feel passionate about and I think someone is being a prick about it. I need a “workout sheet”, as to how to train this muscle better. Stop and breathe is all I’ve got...!"

That’s me !!!

The stopping and breathing usually goes out of the window as I’m too furious usually

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *stella OP   Woman
over a year ago

London


"Can I just say I find the phrase ‘soft skills’ which is basically don’t be a cunt, incredible annoying. It’s humans over complicating things that should come naturally.

Is soft skills meaning that? Not sure. But noted

Isn’t it just talking to someone in a decent manner. "

Not in my opinion, no. The list of twenty above are referred to as soft skills - I’m not clear how they’re just about how a person talks decently to someone else? I do agree I don’t like the term soft skills, but I guess it’s just to distinguish from ‘hard’ or technical skills - they’re all skills though, so maybe they don’t need distinguishing.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"After coming out of a long spell of darkness I'm now preparing to go back to work and get back to a new kind of reality. I'm currently working on adaptability and confidence in dealing with change.

How scary and exciting at the same time! Do you know the type of work you’re looking to do, is it a change or is it similar to what you’ve done before? "

I do.. I have a job lined up within a charity that's close to my heart doing financial work. It's a complete change after a life changing accident that means I'm physically unable to go back to my previous lifestyle. Not a bad thing and much more positive for my mental health

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Adaptability, I am very set in my ways and not great with change. Alongside that decisiveness would be good. I am calm and collected and can own my decisions in an environment I'm comfortable in but I do struggle with confidence in new situations.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *stella OP   Woman
over a year ago

London


"Playfulness.

Work and life have been very serious for too long and I never had much a playful side to start with.

"

Yes! I spend too long in my head with the seriousness of work and when I embrace more playfulness it ends up actually being when the solutions appear.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's emotions? I don't think I have any

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *stella OP   Woman
over a year ago

London


"Calm

I can go from 1 to boiling point quite quickly

I hear you, I’m definitely in need of working on this for when it’s something I feel passionate about and I think someone is being a prick about it. I need a “workout sheet”, as to how to train this muscle better. Stop and breathe is all I’ve got...!

That’s me !!!

The stopping and breathing usually goes out of the window as I’m too furious usually "

So true! I tend to hold my breath and word punch to the throat and then have a think.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Objectivity.

I'm sound when it comes to other people and their problems, not so good when it comes to mine. I've been screwed over so many times by cunts who supposedly "care" that my auto response can be warped and go into a light speed analysis of how and why they're behaving a certain way, I need to step back and look from an outside perspective with no emotional attachment.

P

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"Can I just say I find the phrase ‘soft skills’ which is basically don’t be a cunt, incredible annoying. It’s humans over complicating things that should come naturally.

Is soft skills meaning that? Not sure. But noted

Isn’t it just talking to someone in a decent manner.

Not in my opinion, no. The list of twenty above are referred to as soft skills - I’m not clear how they’re just about how a person talks decently to someone else? I do agree I don’t like the term soft skills, but I guess it’s just to distinguish from ‘hard’ or technical skills - they’re all skills though, so maybe they don’t need distinguishing."

They ended up being listed separately because employers wanted the 'soft' skills but only ever credited the 'hard' and technical skills in their ask of employees and potential candidates.

I was writing about this stuff almost 25 years ago. Time management is a 'soft' skill but for more people than you'd think it's something that has to be worked at.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *stella OP   Woman
over a year ago

London


"After coming out of a long spell of darkness I'm now preparing to go back to work and get back to a new kind of reality. I'm currently working on adaptability and confidence in dealing with change.

How scary and exciting at the same time! Do you know the type of work you’re looking to do, is it a change or is it similar to what you’ve done before?

I do.. I have a job lined up within a charity that's close to my heart doing financial work. It's a complete change after a life changing accident that means I'm physically unable to go back to my previous lifestyle. Not a bad thing and much more positive for my mental health "

Oh wow, that’s brilliant and I’m a big toot toot supporter of working for a charity! Really excited for you, and the toughest times certainly grow a particular muscle I find - compassion. May your compassion build your confidence and I really hope it goes well. X

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Self awareness. I have a tendency to say what I'm thinking honestly and it offends in the work place. 'Why can't so and so just get their butt into gear instead of taking it to a working party where everybody agrees and still nothing gets done'

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Also resilience.

I know I'm strong and I can bounce back from shit, but I struggle not to take things personally (depending on the who/what/when/where/why)

P

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *nderIwonder.Man
over a year ago

2nd City

you could cut this list by half at least, for instance empathy covers a few of the other "emotions" you have on the list, playfulness isn't an emotion it is more of an act but what you gain from playfulness is happiness so that's a bit of a grey area, yeah so the question needs to be tweaked a little bit OK hun.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *oward1978Man
over a year ago

Rotherham

Calm, confidence, creativity, decisiveness, eloquence, purpose, resilience.

I'd say these are all things I've been consciously working on over the past few years actually. Not just with work in mind but more importantly for me, life in general.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Self awareness. I have a tendency to say what I'm thinking honestly and it offends in the work place. 'Why can't so and so just get their butt into gear instead of taking it to a working party where everybody agrees and still nothing gets done' "

Can we add patience to the list

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *stella OP   Woman
over a year ago

London


"Adaptability, I am very set in my ways and not great with change. Alongside that decisiveness would be good. I am calm and collected and can own my decisions in an environment I'm comfortable in but I do struggle with confidence in new situations. "

I struggle with adaptability when I’m not sure if change is being done for the sake of it rather than for improvement, or if it’s rushed or not well thought through - and then I’m not sure if that’s my lack of the adaptability muscle or (as my ego sells it to me) common sense and good planning skills!!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *nderIwonder.Man
over a year ago

2nd City


"Self awareness. I have a tendency to say what I'm thinking honestly and it offends in the work place. 'Why can't so and so just get their butt into gear instead of taking it to a working party where everybody agrees and still nothing gets done'

Can we add patience to the list "

heavens no the list is long enough it's like a Chinese takeaway menu

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *stella OP   Woman
over a year ago

London


"What's emotions? I don't think I have any "

They are wonderful things.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Innovation and decisiveness. Procrastination is my dominant trait at the moment.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im going with calm but a side add on of patience. Life changes mean I’ve had to develop patience which has never been a strong point for me, almost no existent.

I’m getting much better every day now though and it’s making life a hell of a lot easier

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *stella OP   Woman
over a year ago

London


"Objectivity.

I'm sound when it comes to other people and their problems, not so good when it comes to mine. I've been screwed over so many times by cunts who supposedly "care" that my auto response can be warped and go into a light speed analysis of how and why they're behaving a certain way, I need to step back and look from an outside perspective with no emotional attachment.

P"

Oooh that’s a good point. I’m going to mull a little on this. X

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Creativity and decisiveness.

I'm not sure creativeness can be baulked up though, not if there's so little to begin with in the first place.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Resilience. I need to take things less personally. I've always struggled, it's a confidence thing

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"After coming out of a long spell of darkness I'm now preparing to go back to work and get back to a new kind of reality. I'm currently working on adaptability and confidence in dealing with change.

How scary and exciting at the same time! Do you know the type of work you’re looking to do, is it a change or is it similar to what you’ve done before?

I do.. I have a job lined up within a charity that's close to my heart doing financial work. It's a complete change after a life changing accident that means I'm physically unable to go back to my previous lifestyle. Not a bad thing and much more positive for my mental health "

Congratulations. Don't assume that the charity will be easy/easier work than elsewhere. They are businesses too and, sometimes, forget to live their values with staff in pursuit of delivering the cause to others. Those in need come first leads to burnout in charities as much as hitting challenging sales and production targets or dealing with rude customers in other sectors.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *stella OP   Woman
over a year ago

London


"Can I just say I find the phrase ‘soft skills’ which is basically don’t be a cunt, incredible annoying. It’s humans over complicating things that should come naturally.

Is soft skills meaning that? Not sure. But noted

Isn’t it just talking to someone in a decent manner.

Not in my opinion, no. The list of twenty above are referred to as soft skills - I’m not clear how they’re just about how a person talks decently to someone else? I do agree I don’t like the term soft skills, but I guess it’s just to distinguish from ‘hard’ or technical skills - they’re all skills though, so maybe they don’t need distinguishing.

They ended up being listed separately because employers wanted the 'soft' skills but only ever credited the 'hard' and technical skills in their ask of employees and potential candidates.

I was writing about this stuff almost 25 years ago. Time management is a 'soft' skill but for more people than you'd think it's something that has to be worked at.

"

Nods, yes - they really are muscles to work on

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire


"We talk a lot about emotional maturity and soft skills as important for progress/success in say the working world, as opposed to solely focusing on technical training - and by plagiarising this list of twenty such ‘emotional’ skills, my question is:

If you had to choose, which of these skills would you like to build your metaphorical muscles in?

Pick as many as you’d like - and it’s not to suggest you are saying you don’t have any of the skill to begin with, but that it’s one you’d like to train up further.

So which one/or ones specifically from this list would you choose?

The list of 20 are:

adaptability

calm

communication

confidence

creativity

decisiveness

diplomacy

effectiveness

eloquence

empathy

entrepreneurship

innovation

leadership

objectivity

playfulness

purpose

resilience

self-awareness

supportiveness

"

All but charm ... I think charms sits in a mans court

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *stella OP   Woman
over a year ago

London


"Self awareness. I have a tendency to say what I'm thinking honestly and it offends in the work place. 'Why can't so and so just get their butt into gear instead of taking it to a working party where everybody agrees and still nothing gets done' "

That’s pretty self aware to recognise

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Adaptability, I am very set in my ways and not great with change. Alongside that decisiveness would be good. I am calm and collected and can own my decisions in an environment I'm comfortable in but I do struggle with confidence in new situations.

I struggle with adaptability when I’m not sure if change is being done for the sake of it rather than for improvement, or if it’s rushed or not well thought through - and then I’m not sure if that’s my lack of the adaptability muscle or (as my ego sells it to me) common sense and good planning skills!! "

I think part of it is often the lack of control. Taking things in another direction is fine if you have a clear idea of where it's likely to end up but if you're being pushed to do it then your defences go up.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"

you could cut this list by half at least, for instance empathy covers a few of the other "emotions" you have on the list, playfulness isn't an emotion it is more of an act but what you gain from playfulness is happiness so that's a bit of a grey area, yeah so the question needs to be tweaked a little bit OK hun. "

Nothing to work on here.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Playfulness.

Work and life have been very serious for too long and I never had much a playful side to start with.

"

Absolutely ditto on that, plus calm.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m working on them all.

I’ve yet to feel like I’ve accomplished perfection in any life skill.

Leadership is something I’ll be concentrating on over the next ten months

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *stella OP   Woman
over a year ago

London


"

you could cut this list by half at least, for instance empathy covers a few of the other "emotions" you have on the list, playfulness isn't an emotion it is more of an act but what you gain from playfulness is happiness so that's a bit of a grey area, yeah so the question needs to be tweaked a little bit OK hun. "

I’ll let the author of the book know that a number of the chapters aren’t necessary, hun

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"After coming out of a long spell of darkness I'm now preparing to go back to work and get back to a new kind of reality. I'm currently working on adaptability and confidence in dealing with change.

How scary and exciting at the same time! Do you know the type of work you’re looking to do, is it a change or is it similar to what you’ve done before?

I do.. I have a job lined up within a charity that's close to my heart doing financial work. It's a complete change after a life changing accident that means I'm physically unable to go back to my previous lifestyle. Not a bad thing and much more positive for my mental health

Congratulations. Don't assume that the charity will be easy/easier work than elsewhere. They are businesses too and, sometimes, forget to live their values with staff in pursuit of delivering the cause to others. Those in need come first leads to burnout in charities as much as hitting challenging sales and production targets or dealing with rude customers in other sectors.

"

Thankyou I'm taking a much more junior role than I'm used to in a department away from sales. My sister did a 6 month volountary placement there last year so is happy that the hours and role are suitable as a first step. I come from a big business background so stepping well back from any kind of management!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *stella OP   Woman
over a year ago

London


"Calm, confidence, creativity, decisiveness, eloquence, purpose, resilience.

I'd say these are all things I've been consciously working on over the past few years actually. Not just with work in mind but more importantly for me, life in general."

Yes, you’re quite right that they’re important for life - as I was plagiarising a book written for work environment I wanted to be do so authentically!!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Objectivity.

I'm sound when it comes to other people and their problems, not so good when it comes to mine. I've been screwed over so many times by cunts who supposedly "care" that my auto response can be warped and go into a light speed analysis of how and why they're behaving a certain way, I need to step back and look from an outside perspective with no emotional attachment.

P

Oooh that’s a good point. I’m going to mull a little on this. X"

If you come up with some awesomeness let me know!

I mainly believe peeps are screwy over wankshafts the majority of the time

I don't always think they do things on purpose to hurt, but I do think their perception is "misguided" at times. Rather than tell the truth and get a guaranteed sting, some will hide the truth in hope the person that will get stung won't know (can be even something tiny) turns a sting into a stab in the back which is far worse.

I'm waffling.

P

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *nderIwonder.Man
over a year ago

2nd City


"We talk a lot about emotional maturity and soft skills as important for progress/success in say the working world, as opposed to solely focusing on technical training - and by plagiarising this list of twenty such ‘emotional’ skills, my question is:

If you had to choose, which of these skills would you like to build your metaphorical muscles in?

Pick as many as you’d like - and it’s not to suggest you are saying you don’t have any of the skill to begin with, but that it’s one you’d like to train up further.

So which one/or ones specifically from this list would you choose?

The list of 20 are:

adaptability

calm

communication

confidence

creativity

decisiveness

diplomacy

effectiveness

eloquence

empathy

entrepreneurship

innovation

leadership

objectivity

playfulness

purpose

resilience

self-awareness

supportiveness

All but charm ... I think charms sits in a mans court"

in that case maybe add sexism to the list

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *stella OP   Woman
over a year ago

London


"Self awareness. I have a tendency to say what I'm thinking honestly and it offends in the work place. 'Why can't so and so just get their butt into gear instead of taking it to a working party where everybody agrees and still nothing gets done'

Can we add patience to the list "

When I’ve finished reading the book I’ll report back as to why that didn’t make the list - bear with me (!), but it’s a good skill to flex for sure.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *stella OP   Woman
over a year ago

London


"Innovation and decisiveness. Procrastination is my dominant trait at the moment. "

I’ll come back to this point

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *stella OP   Woman
over a year ago

London


"Im going with calm but a side add on of patience. Life changes mean I’ve had to develop patience which has never been a strong point for me, almost no existent.

I’m getting much better every day now though and it’s making life a hell of a lot easier "

How’s baby?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *iss.RedWoman
over a year ago

somewhere

I think it would be confidence for me. I doubt myself too much

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *stella OP   Woman
over a year ago

London


"Creativity and decisiveness.

I'm not sure creativeness can be baulked up though, not if there's so little to begin with in the first place."

I guess business creativity is different from artistic creativity and incorporates problem solving skills.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"After coming out of a long spell of darkness I'm now preparing to go back to work and get back to a new kind of reality. I'm currently working on adaptability and confidence in dealing with change.

How scary and exciting at the same time! Do you know the type of work you’re looking to do, is it a change or is it similar to what you’ve done before?

I do.. I have a job lined up within a charity that's close to my heart doing financial work. It's a complete change after a life changing accident that means I'm physically unable to go back to my previous lifestyle. Not a bad thing and much more positive for my mental health

Congratulations. Don't assume that the charity will be easy/easier work than elsewhere. They are businesses too and, sometimes, forget to live their values with staff in pursuit of delivering the cause to others. Those in need come first leads to burnout in charities as much as hitting challenging sales and production targets or dealing with rude customers in other sectors.

Thankyou I'm taking a much more junior role than I'm used to in a department away from sales. My sister did a 6 month volountary placement there last year so is happy that the hours and role are suitable as a first step. I come from a big business background so stepping well back from any kind of management! "

That can be a challenge in itself.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Entrepreneurship most definitely!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Creativity and decisiveness.

I'm not sure creativeness can be baulked up though, not if there's so little to begin with in the first place.

I guess business creativity is different from artistic creativity and incorporates problem solving skills. "

Oh. Thanks for helping me solve that problem.

Just deciveness then.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *stella OP   Woman
over a year ago

London


"Resilience. I need to take things less personally. I've always struggled, it's a confidence thing "

The dangers we face are almost never as great as our skittish imaginations might suggest. X

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Im going with calm but a side add on of patience. Life changes mean I’ve had to develop patience which has never been a strong point for me, almost no existent.

I’m getting much better every day now though and it’s making life a hell of a lot easier

How’s baby?"

Amazing....it’s been on hell of a rollercoaster so far!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"After coming out of a long spell of darkness I'm now preparing to go back to work and get back to a new kind of reality. I'm currently working on adaptability and confidence in dealing with change.

How scary and exciting at the same time! Do you know the type of work you’re looking to do, is it a change or is it similar to what you’ve done before?

I do.. I have a job lined up within a charity that's close to my heart doing financial work. It's a complete change after a life changing accident that means I'm physically unable to go back to my previous lifestyle. Not a bad thing and much more positive for my mental health

Congratulations. Don't assume that the charity will be easy/easier work than elsewhere. They are businesses too and, sometimes, forget to live their values with staff in pursuit of delivering the cause to others. Those in need come first leads to burnout in charities as much as hitting challenging sales and production targets or dealing with rude customers in other sectors.

Thankyou I'm taking a much more junior role than I'm used to in a department away from sales. My sister did a 6 month volountary placement there last year so is happy that the hours and role are suitable as a first step. I come from a big business background so stepping well back from any kind of management!

That can be a challenge in itself. "

Very much so.. but I'm looking forward to it

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago

Burnleyish (She/They)

resilience and confidence.

Kinda related really. Basically if anyone knows a good way to get over imposter syndrome. Holla!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *stella OP   Woman
over a year ago

London


"

All but charm ... I think charms sits in a mans court"

Charm in the book incorporates persuasiveness and congruence with what others need. I don’t see it as a gendered skill at all! But I guess we are used to describing “charming men”.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *stella OP   Woman
over a year ago

London


"Adaptability, I am very set in my ways and not great with change. Alongside that decisiveness would be good. I am calm and collected and can own my decisions in an environment I'm comfortable in but I do struggle with confidence in new situations.

I struggle with adaptability when I’m not sure if change is being done for the sake of it rather than for improvement, or if it’s rushed or not well thought through - and then I’m not sure if that’s my lack of the adaptability muscle or (as my ego sells it to me) common sense and good planning skills!!

I think part of it is often the lack of control. Taking things in another direction is fine if you have a clear idea of where it's likely to end up but if you're being pushed to do it then your defences go up. "

Lack of control, you’ve hit the nail on the head! Which is fear ultimately.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"After coming out of a long spell of darkness I'm now preparing to go back to work and get back to a new kind of reality. I'm currently working on adaptability and confidence in dealing with change.

How scary and exciting at the same time! Do you know the type of work you’re looking to do, is it a change or is it similar to what you’ve done before?

I do.. I have a job lined up within a charity that's close to my heart doing financial work. It's a complete change after a life changing accident that means I'm physically unable to go back to my previous lifestyle. Not a bad thing and much more positive for my mental health

Oh wow, that’s brilliant and I’m a big toot toot supporter of working for a charity! Really excited for you, and the toughest times certainly grow a particular muscle I find - compassion. May your compassion build your confidence and I really hope it goes well. X"

Thankyou it feels right x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *stella OP   Woman
over a year ago

London


"I’m working on them all.

I’ve yet to feel like I’ve accomplished perfection in any life skill.

Leadership is something I’ll be concentrating on over the next ten months "

Lead the way..

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Resilience. I need to take things less personally. I've always struggled, it's a confidence thing

The dangers we face are almost never as great as our skittish imaginations might suggest. X"

Absolutely. My mind and imagination is absolutely my greatest enemy x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *stella OP   Woman
over a year ago

London


"Objectivity.

I'm sound when it comes to other people and their problems, not so good when it comes to mine. I've been screwed over so many times by cunts who supposedly "care" that my auto response can be warped and go into a light speed analysis of how and why they're behaving a certain way, I need to step back and look from an outside perspective with no emotional attachment.

P

Oooh that’s a good point. I’m going to mull a little on this. X

If you come up with some awesomeness let me know!

I mainly believe peeps are screwy over wankshafts the majority of the time

I don't always think they do things on purpose to hurt, but I do think their perception is "misguided" at times. Rather than tell the truth and get a guaranteed sting, some will hide the truth in hope the person that will get stung won't know (can be even something tiny) turns a sting into a stab in the back which is far worse.

I'm waffling.

P"

I want to talk to you about attachment theory some time x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Objectivity.

I'm sound when it comes to other people and their problems, not so good when it comes to mine. I've been screwed over so many times by cunts who supposedly "care" that my auto response can be warped and go into a light speed analysis of how and why they're behaving a certain way, I need to step back and look from an outside perspective with no emotional attachment.

P

Oooh that’s a good point. I’m going to mull a little on this. X

If you come up with some awesomeness let me know!

I mainly believe peeps are screwy over wankshafts the majority of the time

I don't always think they do things on purpose to hurt, but I do think their perception is "misguided" at times. Rather than tell the truth and get a guaranteed sting, some will hide the truth in hope the person that will get stung won't know (can be even something tiny) turns a sting into a stab in the back which is far worse.

I'm waffling.

P

I want to talk to you about attachment theory some time x"

Let's do it

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"After coming out of a long spell of darkness I'm now preparing to go back to work and get back to a new kind of reality. I'm currently working on adaptability and confidence in dealing with change.

How scary and exciting at the same time! Do you know the type of work you’re looking to do, is it a change or is it similar to what you’ve done before?

I do.. I have a job lined up within a charity that's close to my heart doing financial work. It's a complete change after a life changing accident that means I'm physically unable to go back to my previous lifestyle. Not a bad thing and much more positive for my mental health

Oh wow, that’s brilliant and I’m a big toot toot supporter of working for a charity! Really excited for you, and the toughest times certainly grow a particular muscle I find - compassion. May your compassion build your confidence and I really hope it goes well. X

Thankyou it feels right x "

I love this. Good luck. X

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *stella OP   Woman
over a year ago

London


"I think it would be confidence for me. I doubt myself too much"

Imposter syndrome builds on our natural reluctance to extend what we know of ourselves to others - we know from the inside all the things that are wrong with us, but we only have a highly edited and limited picture of the reality of others.

We all doubt ourselves, and actually the confidence comes from knowing that we all do.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"After coming out of a long spell of darkness I'm now preparing to go back to work and get back to a new kind of reality. I'm currently working on adaptability and confidence in dealing with change.

How scary and exciting at the same time! Do you know the type of work you’re looking to do, is it a change or is it similar to what you’ve done before?

I do.. I have a job lined up within a charity that's close to my heart doing financial work. It's a complete change after a life changing accident that means I'm physically unable to go back to my previous lifestyle. Not a bad thing and much more positive for my mental health

Oh wow, that’s brilliant and I’m a big toot toot supporter of working for a charity! Really excited for you, and the toughest times certainly grow a particular muscle I find - compassion. May your compassion build your confidence and I really hope it goes well. X

Thankyou it feels right x

I love this. Good luck. X "

Ah thanks

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *stella OP   Woman
over a year ago

London


"Entrepreneurship most definitely! "

How do we reinvent the wheel? \_O_/

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *stella OP   Woman
over a year ago

London


"Creativity and decisiveness.

I'm not sure creativeness can be baulked up though, not if there's so little to begin with in the first place.

I guess business creativity is different from artistic creativity and incorporates problem solving skills.

Oh. Thanks for helping me solve that problem.

Just deciveness then."

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *iss.RedWoman
over a year ago

somewhere


"I think it would be confidence for me. I doubt myself too much

Imposter syndrome builds on our natural reluctance to extend what we know of ourselves to others - we know from the inside all the things that are wrong with us, but we only have a highly edited and limited picture of the reality of others.

We all doubt ourselves, and actually the confidence comes from knowing that we all do. "

Very true. I can be my own worst critic at times but it's the same for lots of people

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *stella OP   Woman
over a year ago

London


"resilience and confidence.

Kinda related really. Basically if anyone knows a good way to get over imposter syndrome. Holla! "

Realising that we are all imposters!!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *stella OP   Woman
over a year ago

London


"Resilience. I need to take things less personally. I've always struggled, it's a confidence thing

The dangers we face are almost never as great as our skittish imaginations might suggest. X

Absolutely. My mind and imagination is absolutely my greatest enemy x"

And your greatest strength. Your creativity and problem solving and attention to detail is probably very good!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Objectivity.

I'm sound when it comes to other people and their problems, not so good when it comes to mine. I've been screwed over so many times by cunts who supposedly "care" that my auto response can be warped and go into a light speed analysis of how and why they're behaving a certain way, I need to step back and look from an outside perspective with no emotional attachment.

P"

A wonderful lady asked me what advice I would give a friend if they were in my situation. Looking from the outside.

Great thread OP.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *stella OP   Woman
over a year ago

London


"I think it would be confidence for me. I doubt myself too much

Imposter syndrome builds on our natural reluctance to extend what we know of ourselves to others - we know from the inside all the things that are wrong with us, but we only have a highly edited and limited picture of the reality of others.

We all doubt ourselves, and actually the confidence comes from knowing that we all do.

Very true. I can be my own worst critic at times but it's the same for lots of people"

Ask for feedback. And place weight that other people’s positive opinion of you is worthwhile.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Creativity and decisiveness.

I'm not sure creativeness can be baulked up though, not if there's so little to begin with in the first place.

I guess business creativity is different from artistic creativity and incorporates problem solving skills.

Oh. Thanks for helping me solve that problem.

Just deciveness then.

"

Not that I think I'm super tooled up in all the emotions listed, I'm just a bit meh about some of them.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *stella OP   Woman
over a year ago

London


"Objectivity.

I'm sound when it comes to other people and their problems, not so good when it comes to mine. I've been screwed over so many times by cunts who supposedly "care" that my auto response can be warped and go into a light speed analysis of how and why they're behaving a certain way, I need to step back and look from an outside perspective with no emotional attachment.

P

A wonderful lady asked me what advice I would give a friend if they were in my situation. Looking from the outside.

Great thread OP. "

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *stella OP   Woman
over a year ago

London


"Creativity and decisiveness.

I'm not sure creativeness can be baulked up though, not if there's so little to begin with in the first place.

I guess business creativity is different from artistic creativity and incorporates problem solving skills.

Oh. Thanks for helping me solve that problem.

Just deciveness then.

Not that I think I'm super tooled up in all the emotions listed, I'm just a bit meh about some of them."

Sarcasm wasn’t on the list, but you know you’re a pro lifter on that.

Love ya.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *stella OP   Woman
over a year ago

London

I need to exercise my eloquence muscle tomorrow. Fingers crossed I can express myself.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Calm. And if patience were there. That too

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.


"I need to exercise my eloquence muscle tomorrow. Fingers crossed I can express myself. "

Best of luck with it, x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *stella OP   Woman
over a year ago

London


"I need to exercise my eloquence muscle tomorrow. Fingers crossed I can express myself.

Best of luck with it, x

"

Thanks my lovely

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm going Confidence, effectiveness and leadership.

Im more of a follower than a leader so need to work on it.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

I checked the list and I'm good

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *inkyChrissy99TV/TS
over a year ago

Bristol

Creativity for me, much more creative as chrissy but exploring it more x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"I need to exercise my eloquence muscle tomorrow. Fingers crossed I can express myself. "

That's one you have practiced. Good luck.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *stella OP   Woman
over a year ago

London


"I need to exercise my eloquence muscle tomorrow. Fingers crossed I can express myself.

That's one you have practiced. Good luck."

We shall see. Thank you though!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Probably none of those listed all though there are a few of those I could develop further. Currently I’m developing non-attachment to outcomes. I want to be able to be passionately engaged in something whether that is a work venture, a personal endeavour or encounters with other people, without feeling attached to particular outcomes. by doing so I will be able to let go more and not feel the need to control the process as much.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"Probably none of those listed all though there are a few of those I could develop further. Currently I’m developing non-attachment to outcomes. I want to be able to be passionately engaged in something whether that is a work venture, a personal endeavour or encounters with other people, without feeling attached to particular outcomes. by doing so I will be able to let go more and not feel the need to control the process as much."

Flexible ToC.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Probably none of those listed all though there are a few of those I could develop further. Currently I’m developing non-attachment to outcomes. I want to be able to be passionately engaged in something whether that is a work venture, a personal endeavour or encounters with other people, without feeling attached to particular outcomes. by doing so I will be able to let go more and not feel the need to control the process as much.

Flexible ToC. "

Not sure what you mean by ToC?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"Probably none of those listed all though there are a few of those I could develop further. Currently I’m developing non-attachment to outcomes. I want to be able to be passionately engaged in something whether that is a work venture, a personal endeavour or encounters with other people, without feeling attached to particular outcomes. by doing so I will be able to let go more and not feel the need to control the process as much.

Flexible ToC.

Not sure what you mean by ToC?"

Theory of Change.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Probably none of those listed all though there are a few of those I could develop further. Currently I’m developing non-attachment to outcomes. I want to be able to be passionately engaged in something whether that is a work venture, a personal endeavour or encounters with other people, without feeling attached to particular outcomes. by doing so I will be able to let go more and not feel the need to control the process as much.

Flexible ToC.

Not sure what you mean by ToC?

Theory of Change."

Ok I’m still none the wiser. I need a bit more help understanding what you mean.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *stella OP   Woman
over a year ago

London


"Probably none of those listed all though there are a few of those I could develop further. Currently I’m developing non-attachment to outcomes. I want to be able to be passionately engaged in something whether that is a work venture, a personal endeavour or encounters with other people, without feeling attached to particular outcomes. by doing so I will be able to let go more and not feel the need to control the process as much.

Flexible ToC.

Not sure what you mean by ToC?

Theory of Change."

Isn’t ToC about getting to a specific outcome though?

Although I guess the ‘flexible’ bit is developing one without an end in goal?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.

In the working world I'm not sure there are any currently but on a personal level, I'd like to work on calm and decisiveness - I really struggle to make up my mind about things at times and often have second, third thoughts abohr decisions. And I'm not calm - well I am at work but I can channel my energy into projects etc. It's different outside of it.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"Probably none of those listed all though there are a few of those I could develop further. Currently I’m developing non-attachment to outcomes. I want to be able to be passionately engaged in something whether that is a work venture, a personal endeavour or encounters with other people, without feeling attached to particular outcomes. by doing so I will be able to let go more and not feel the need to control the process as much.

Flexible ToC.

Not sure what you mean by ToC?

Theory of Change.

Ok I’m still none the wiser. I need a bit more help understanding what you mean."

ToC starts with the desired outcomes and then maps back to identify the actions to get you there. You can get stuck by being too attached to preconceived outcomes, setting them too tightly.

Unintended outcomes can spark new ideas and solutions so loosening attachment can be useful, at times.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Creativity ! Something of myself that I'd like more self attention to.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *stella OP   Woman
over a year ago

London


"In the working world I'm not sure there are any currently but on a personal level, I'd like to work on calm and decisiveness - I really struggle to make up my mind about things at times and often have second, third thoughts abohr decisions. And I'm not calm - well I am at work but I can channel my energy into projects etc. It's different outside of it."

You make an interesting point, as there are certainly skills I find easier at work then in personal life and vice versa and yet some thematically that are the same in both environments. I wonder why?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are none I feel a desire to develop. I'm happy as I am.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"In the working world I'm not sure there are any currently but on a personal level, I'd like to work on calm and decisiveness - I really struggle to make up my mind about things at times and often have second, third thoughts abohr decisions. And I'm not calm - well I am at work but I can channel my energy into projects etc. It's different outside of it.

You make an interesting point, as there are certainly skills I find easier at work then in personal life and vice versa and yet some thematically that are the same in both environments. I wonder why? "

It's the same compartmentalising that means you can manage a multi-million pound budget but not manage personal spending or debt. Or, seeing clearly what others should/could do and being able to give them the encouragement to take action or feel but feeling swamped when trying to apply it to yourself.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *stella OP   Woman
over a year ago

London


"In the working world I'm not sure there are any currently but on a personal level, I'd like to work on calm and decisiveness - I really struggle to make up my mind about things at times and often have second, third thoughts abohr decisions. And I'm not calm - well I am at work but I can channel my energy into projects etc. It's different outside of it.

You make an interesting point, as there are certainly skills I find easier at work then in personal life and vice versa and yet some thematically that are the same in both environments. I wonder why?

It's the same compartmentalising that means you can manage a multi-million pound budget but not manage personal spending or debt. Or, seeing clearly what others should/could do and being able to give them the encouragement to take action or feel but feeling swamped when trying to apply it to yourself."

Ahhh yes! That’s true.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Probably none of those listed all though there are a few of those I could develop further. Currently I’m developing non-attachment to outcomes. I want to be able to be passionately engaged in something whether that is a work venture, a personal endeavour or encounters with other people, without feeling attached to particular outcomes. by doing so I will be able to let go more and not feel the need to control the process as much.

Flexible ToC.

Not sure what you mean by ToC?

Theory of Change.

Ok I’m still none the wiser. I need a bit more help understanding what you mean.

ToC starts with the desired outcomes and then maps back to identify the actions to get you there. You can get stuck by being too attached to preconceived outcomes, setting them too tightly.

Unintended outcomes can spark new ideas and solutions so loosening attachment can be useful, at times."

That makes sense. There’s a bit of that.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top