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Alcoholic

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By *ibblingnewt OP   Woman
over a year ago

by the sea

I’m thinking my new lodger is an alcoholic, anyone got any words of wisdom ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do not fuck him love

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By *ibblingnewt OP   Woman
over a year ago

by the sea


"Do not fuck him love "

Never do with lodgers

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’m thinking my new lodger is an alcoholic, anyone got any words of wisdom ?"

If he is harmless, pays his rent and keeps everything quiet and clean then leave him be.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Do not fuck him love

Never do with salad dodgers "

You don't like meat eaters then?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Remember it is a disease. Try not to be judgemental, you need more information tbh.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’m thinking my new lodger is an alcoholic, anyone got any words of wisdom ?

If he is harmless, pays his rent and keeps everything quiet and clean then leave him be."

I'd go with this and maybe just speak to him in a conversation and maybe you can help him if he is.

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By *irth.Minge.FireMan
over a year ago

Seen in far off places


"I’m thinking my new lodger is an alcoholic, anyone got any words of wisdom ?"

Make sure he doesn't wander into your bedroom and piss in your wardrobe

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

It all depends on how much their problem affects you.

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By *ibblingnewt OP   Woman
over a year ago

by the sea


"Remember it is a disease. Try not to be judgemental, you need more information tbh.

"

Thanks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Having lived with a functioning alcoholic I don’t envy your situation. I was in a relationship where my ex was a regular drinker however I didn’t realise to the extent that she was. When it all went wrong and she moved out I found empty bottles hidden everywhere. I hadn’t realised if she had a bottle of wine she would actually have another two identical bottles hidden in the car. My experience is you can’t trust them as alcohol is and has to be their only priority. They can’t get anything done and are either knackered from not drinking or drinking.

My ex would drink very very heavily on a night with one of her mates. 7 bottles of wine between them and then spirits. She couldn’t go to work the next day so worked from home. She would then drink a bottle of wine (or 2) on the next night to “relax”. The next two days would be the same or more. We never went or did anything on a weekend as she was incapable due to being so knackered.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What kind of advice are you looking for? Do you want to try help him? Learn how to live alongside him? Are you worried about how it might affect you?

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By *ibblingnewt OP   Woman
over a year ago

by the sea


"It all depends on how much their problem affects you."

If he is it can be fire risks and behaviour problems that’s off the top of my head

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

Has he described himself as an alcoholic or is it that he drinks too much on occasion and has bender days?

If so, then I'm an alcoholic as well, I can go without a drink for a couple of weeks, then get completely blitzed for the lost weekend.

I must admit it doesn't happen much these days, but back in ma 20's I used to lose an entire week sometimes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’m thinking my new lodger is an alcoholic, anyone got any words of wisdom ?

If he is harmless, pays his rent and keeps everything quiet and clean then leave him be.

I'd go with this and maybe just speak to him in a conversation and maybe you can help him if he is."

Tesco's value larger only 2% alcohol.

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By *ibblingnewt OP   Woman
over a year ago

by the sea


"What kind of advice are you looking for? Do you want to try help him? Learn how to live alongside him? Are you worried about how it might affect you? "

Worried about my safety and that of the others here I don’t really feel comfortable around d*unk people tbh worried about fire he smokes outside but I’m akways scared of a fire in my house

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What makes you think he is an alcoholic?

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By *ibblingnewt OP   Woman
over a year ago

by the sea


"What makes you think he is an alcoholic? "

Empty bottles and he drinks alone in his room

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By *elshsunsWoman
over a year ago

Flintshire

I used to be married to one ..... a nightmare ...it’s horrendous ... I hardly drink and my3 grown up sons don’t drink due to the things they witnessed ... violence etc ... really feel for you if he is

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By *irth.Minge.FireMan
over a year ago

Seen in far off places


"What makes you think he is an alcoholic?

Empty bottles and he drinks alone in his room "

...and he repeatedly says "I've only had the one" whilst chomping on another mouthful of doner kebab

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What makes you think he is an alcoholic?

Empty bottles and he drinks alone in his room "

Context is needed ... 4 empty bottles of bud a night, not a problem, 2 empty bottles of vodka every night, alarm bells

He might be lonely, suffer social anxiety or simply might not want to invade your space

Get to know him a bit - learn about him before deciding about him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would definitely have a conversation with him and express your concerns, it’s your house and he should maybe respect that a little bit more

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By *ntcovMan
over a year ago

Church Gresley / Swadlincote

I had a lodger that turned out to be alcoholic, used to come in d*unk leaving the front door wide open all night, final straw was when she pas sed out on the sofa while smoking...thank god for fire retardent upholstery, still had to get a new sofa. When she finally left, I gave her notice, her room was stuffed with empty bottles, filled 3 wheelie bins to clear the room.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What makes you think he is an alcoholic?

Empty bottles and he drinks alone in his room

Context is needed ... 4 empty bottles of bud a night, not a problem, 2 empty bottles of vodka every night, alarm bells

He might be lonely, suffer social anxiety or simply might not want to invade your space

Get to know him a bit - learn about him before deciding about him"

Absolutely this

I've seen alchoholism, dependancy and the shades inbetween. Not sure it can be measured by one definition.

Like I say, less judgement, more looking at the bigger picture.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Intervening is almost impossible without them wanting to help themselves. It can be very frustrating as they loose all perspective and you may get aggression back if you try.

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By *ibblingnewt OP   Woman
over a year ago

by the sea


"What makes you think he is an alcoholic?

Empty bottles and he drinks alone in his room

Context is needed ... 4 empty bottles of bud a night, not a problem, 2 empty bottles of vodka every night, alarm bells

He might be lonely, suffer social anxiety or simply might not want to invade your space

Get to know him a bit - learn about him before deciding about him"

All good points thanks

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By *ab_SparklesWoman
over a year ago

sparkle Surprised

I would go to the local police station and ask for advice, they might do a Claire law, with you being female and see if they have any alcohol related issues known to the police.

Having been a alcoholic and although i wasn't a nasty one, I did become self annoyed when ran out of booze. It did not effect anyone as I spent my time wasted at home alone.

But I have seen very nasty one's. You be careful. They tend to switch like the lightning. Don't approach them as it will make them super parionde.

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By *ibblingnewt OP   Woman
over a year ago

by the sea


"I had a lodger that turned out to be alcoholic, used to come in d*unk leaving the front door wide open all night, final straw was when she pas sed out on the sofa while smoking...thank god for fire retardent upholstery, still had to get a new sofa. When she finally left, I gave her notice, her room was stuffed with empty bottles, filled 3 wheelie bins to clear the room. "

That’s the kinda things I’m worried about too

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By *ibblingnewt OP   Woman
over a year ago

by the sea


"I would go to the local police station and ask for advice, they might do a Claire law, with you being female and see if they have any alcohol related issues known to the police.

Having been a alcoholic and although i wasn't a nasty one, I did become self annoyed when ran out of booze. It did not effect anyone as I spent my time wasted at home alone.

But I have seen very nasty one's. You be careful. They tend to switch like the lightning. Don't approach them as it will make them super parionde. "

So don’t mention the booze? That’s honest and a insight I’d didn’t think of

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"It all depends on how much their problem affects you.

If he is it can be fire risks and behaviour problems that’s off the top of my head "

It's a tough one to call. Unless they see it as a problem then they won't get any help and will resent you busying yourself in their private life.

It clearly seems to bother you though as the reason that you've given seem a little difficult to justify. Is there a further reason as to why (a potential) alcoholic bothers you? A history of it in the family or past relationship?

Is it concern for the person that drives you or is it that you just want them out?

Remember that not everyone has a healthy coping mechanism and they may feel that this is how they deal with a difficult point in their life. If it worries you then I would say to talk with them, explain your worries and concerns and your concerns regarding their behaviour in a non confrontational manner.

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ


"I’m thinking my new lodger is an alcoholic, anyone got any words of wisdom ?

If he is harmless, pays his rent and keeps everything quiet and clean then leave him be.

I'd go with this and maybe just speak to him in a conversation and maybe you can help him if he is.

Tesco's value larger only 2% alcohol."

Ma mate tried this, he spent more time going for a piss than he did getting pissed

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By *ibblingnewt OP   Woman
over a year ago

by the sea

I will see how the next few weeks pan out and I might get more of an idea about him, thanks everyone

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"What makes you think he is an alcoholic?

Empty bottles and he drinks alone in his room

Context is needed ... 4 empty bottles of bud a night, not a problem, 2 empty bottles of vodka every night, alarm bells

He might be lonely, suffer social anxiety or simply might not want to invade your space

Get to know him a bit - learn about him before deciding about him

Absolutely this

I've seen alchoholism, dependancy and the shades inbetween. Not sure it can be measured by one definition.

Like I say, less judgement, more looking at the bigger picture."

I agree with this.

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By *ab_SparklesWoman
over a year ago

sparkle Surprised


"I would go to the local police station and ask for advice, they might do a Claire law, with you being female and see if they have any alcohol related issues known to the police.

Having been a alcoholic and although i wasn't a nasty one, I did become self annoyed when ran out of booze. It did not effect anyone as I spent my time wasted at home alone.

But I have seen very nasty one's. You be careful. They tend to switch like the lightning. Don't approach them as it will make them super parionde.

So don’t mention the booze? That’s honest and a insight I’d didn’t think of "

I went to a detox unit twice some were simply mind blowing. A majority of alcoholic like myself for three years saw no issues and I was simply out socialising few beers in the pub events it when I closed the door i drank the most.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

At the end of the day it's your house and you need to feel safe there. Put yourself first x

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

I'm sorry to take the piss OP, but just watch out for how many Cherry Liqueurs you have before you drive home this Xmas

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By *astyEricMan
over a year ago

Hull

Just to clarify, it's not a disease, it's an Illness.

HIV is a disease

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By *rbean69Man
over a year ago

Stroud

Maybe 'phone a charity or advice line dealing with alcoholism or women's safety. Maybe ask the police. Most of us on Fab (including me) are not qualified to give you detailed advice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your a swinger.

The most open minded people on our planet!

Now I would say confront him

In the morning, before he gets to a bottle. And ask him why are we having this talk? What's up?

Alcohol is self suicide we just dont know it.

He obviously is trying to get pissed but it's not working! That's why he drinks even more ....there may be issues around him that he tryna to block out or the reality is it might not be any of them he just wants a good Time.

Maybe you should take him out with you one night, put a few days effort in and I know this is not your problem but its either you help him or you foook him off. Now us all being open minded here I think you could become a good friend to this guy.

I what some call a functioning alcoholic. But I never do stupid things why? Because I cant get pissed! Maybe he is the same and just needs someone to talk to.

I would suggest, a strong coffee taken to His door...a firm bang on the door and when he opens

Happy smiles "I bought you a coffee chuck your drinking doeant go unnoticed now TALK" and just make sure you keep his trust.

He seems a good lad to smoke outdoors, he respects you.

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By *rbean69Man
over a year ago

Stroud


"Your a swinger.

The most open minded people on our planet!

Now I would say confront him

In the morning, before he gets to a bottle. And ask him why are we having this talk? What's up?

Alcohol is self suicide we just dont know it.

He obviously is trying to get pissed but it's not working! That's why he drinks even more ....there may be issues around him that he tryna to block out or the reality is it might not be any of them he just wants a good Time.

Maybe you should take him out with you one night, put a few days effort in and I know this is not your problem but its either you help him or you foook him off. Now us all being open minded here I think you could become a good friend to this guy.

I what some call a functioning alcoholic. But I never do stupid things why? Because I cant get pissed! Maybe he is the same and just needs someone to talk to.

I would suggest, a strong coffee taken to His door...a firm bang on the door and when he opens

Happy smiles "I bought you a coffee chuck your drinking doeant go unnoticed now TALK" and just make sure you keep his trust.

He seems a good lad to smoke outdoors, he respects you. "

When I read something like this, I feel ashamed to be a man. What shit women have to put up with.

Green arrow this guy.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

IF he's an alcoholic and his behaviour negatively affects you, ask him to leave just as you would a person who wasn't an alcoholic. This might sound harsh but you can find yourself in a whole world of trouble if you try and support him.

If he causes no problems, leave him be as you would any other lodger.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"IF he's an alcoholic and his behaviour negatively affects you, ask him to leave just as you would a person who wasn't an alcoholic. This might sound harsh but you can find yourself in a whole world of trouble if you try and support him.

If he causes no problems, leave him be as you would any other lodger."

This

There is an assumption that being an alcoholic he will be a dysfunctional mess but that really isn't necessarily the case. If he's no bother I wouldn't worry, it's not your problem

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By *rbean69Man
over a year ago

Stroud


"IF he's an alcoholic and his behaviour negatively affects you, ask him to leave just as you would a person who wasn't an alcoholic. This might sound harsh but you can find yourself in a whole world of trouble if you try and support him.

If he causes no problems, leave him be as you would any other lodger.

This

There is an assumption that being an alcoholic he will be a dysfunctional mess but that really isn't necessarily the case. If he's no bother I wouldn't worry, it's not your problem "

It is her problem - the situation is worrying her. The lodger lives in her home. The OP is female, the lodger male. I would respectfully suggest to the OP that she seeks professional advice initially by 'phone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"IF he's an alcoholic and his behaviour negatively affects you, ask him to leave just as you would a person who wasn't an alcoholic. This might sound harsh but you can find yourself in a whole world of trouble if you try and support him.

If he causes no problems, leave him be as you would any other lodger.

This

There is an assumption that being an alcoholic he will be a dysfunctional mess but that really isn't necessarily the case. If he's no bother I wouldn't worry, it's not your problem

It is her problem - the situation is worrying her. The lodger lives in her home. The OP is female, the lodger male. I would respectfully suggest to the OP that she seeks professional advice initially by 'phone."

I'm that case if falls under the "negatively effects you" part of the comment I quoted so give him notice to leave

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"IF he's an alcoholic and his behaviour negatively affects you, ask him to leave just as you would a person who wasn't an alcoholic. This might sound harsh but you can find yourself in a whole world of trouble if you try and support him.

If he causes no problems, leave him be as you would any other lodger.

This

There is an assumption that being an alcoholic he will be a dysfunctional mess but that really isn't necessarily the case. If he's no bother I wouldn't worry, it's not your problem

It is her problem - the situation is worrying her. The lodger lives in her home. The OP is female, the lodger male. I would respectfully suggest to the OP that she seeks professional advice initially by 'phone."

I have two close family members who are alcoholics. The woman has caused far more trouble and is way more dangerous than the man.

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

[Removed by poster at 26/05/19 13:38:38]

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By *astyEricMan
over a year ago

Hull

If he's an disruptive in any way I wouldn't bother helping him out as someone suggested, get rid of him, it's hard enough to try and help alcoholic from close family but at least then you have an incentive to do so.

Facing him off with the problem can cause him to drop further into drinking. Hardly ever alcoholic drink for the drink itself, it usually much deeper problem with witch they can deal in so called normal way and in their mind alcohol helps them to deal with it or makes the pain more bearable.

But to be honest there is no golden solution, every case is different.

If you really want to help him I would seek advise in AA circles

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By *ertnsarahCouple
over a year ago

West Bromwich


"Your a swinger.

The most open minded people on our planet!

Now I would say confront him

In the morning, before he gets to a bottle. And ask him why are we having this talk? What's up?

Alcohol is self suicide we just dont know it.

He obviously is trying to get pissed but it's not working! That's why he drinks even more ....there may be issues around him that he tryna to block out or the reality is it might not be any of them he just wants a good Time.

Maybe you should take him out with you one night, put a few days effort in and I know this is not your problem but its either you help him or you foook him off. Now us all being open minded here I think you could become a good friend to this guy.

I what some call a functioning alcoholic. But I never do stupid things why? Because I cant get pissed! Maybe he is the same and just needs someone to talk to.

I would suggest, a strong coffee taken to His door...a firm bang on the door and when he opens

Happy smiles "I bought you a coffee chuck your drinking doeant go unnoticed now TALK" and just make sure you keep his trust.

He seems a good lad to smoke outdoors, he respects you. "

I have to disagree, for an alcoholic there is no "before he gets to a bottle" the first drink of the day is merely a top up. There is never a time of day an alcoholics head is completely clear, rational or logical, they just learn to become very good actors. Asking "what's up" is pointless unless he's ready for & wants help. Alcoholics lie to & deceive not only others but themselves, they haven't got a problem, they just like a drink, they can handle it, they're not as bad as so & so, "have you seen HIM? Now he's got a problem..." they will use every excuse under the sun. There is not a right or wrong way to deal with him though, if only it was that easy. Everyone is different & will respond to any offer of help or intervention differently. I agree with other comments, maybe try to get to know him a little better so you can make a more informed decision as to what your next move should be. Don't make the mistake of thinking you can become his friend & save him, you can't, that will only ever come from him. Do what you can by all means but ultimately your priority has to be yourself & your safety.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lots of alcoholics live completely as normal ... hold down jobs, families etc so unless it makes you feel uncomfortable at any time I feel leaving his life and choices alone is the better thing to do! As to having a talk with him ... most alcoholics actually live in total denial so don't think it would help anyone unless he specifically asks for help from you.

It you feel uncomfortable then give him the appropriate notification to vacate your house as required by the law or if he behaves inappropriately then call the police immediately.

Not sure why anyone feels it's ok to interfere in another's life when we all wouldn't appreciate it in our own life choices! Alcoholism is a mental and physical illness and should be respected as such.

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By *rbean69Man
over a year ago

Stroud


"IF he's an alcoholic and his behaviour negatively affects you, ask him to leave just as you would a person who wasn't an alcoholic. This might sound harsh but you can find yourself in a whole world of trouble if you try and support him.

If he causes no problems, leave him be as you would any other lodger.

This

There is an assumption that being an alcoholic he will be a dysfunctional mess but that really isn't necessarily the case. If he's no bother I wouldn't worry, it's not your problem

It is her problem - the situation is worrying her. The lodger lives in her home. The OP is female, the lodger male. I would respectfully suggest to the OP that she seeks professional advice initially by 'phone.

I have two close family members who are alcoholics. The woman has caused far more trouble and is way more dangerous than the man."

Maybe, but I assume the OP doesn't know her lodger as well as you know close family members.

OP's words"new lodger".

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

[Removed by poster at 26/05/19 13:40:46]

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

My ex lodger was an alcoholic. She akways had money for drink but always fell short on rent. She was being paid housing benefit to cover it. I ended up finacially supporting her before giving her a months notice. I had a nightmare getting her to remove her stuff from my house as well. During this time she also tried to get a lifetime mortgage on my home to release the equity to herself. (I own my home outright, no mortgage) I also had bailiffs looking for her and still have the occasional debt collectors letters arriving here for her. As a result, I won't have another lodger.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"IF he's an alcoholic and his behaviour negatively affects you, ask him to leave just as you would a person who wasn't an alcoholic. This might sound harsh but you can find yourself in a whole world of trouble if you try and support him.

If he causes no problems, leave him be as you would any other lodger.

This

There is an assumption that being an alcoholic he will be a dysfunctional mess but that really isn't necessarily the case. If he's no bother I wouldn't worry, it's not your problem

It is her problem - the situation is worrying her. The lodger lives in her home. The OP is female, the lodger male. I would respectfully suggest to the OP that she seeks professional advice initially by 'phone.

I have two close family members who are alcoholics. The woman has caused far more trouble and is way more dangerous than the man.

Maybe, but I assume the OP doesn't know her lodger as well as you know close family members.

OP's words"new lodger"."

Then my original post stands. If she's concerned, get rid. It's her home.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think most of you are stereotyping a alcoholic.

For those who say there is a deeper problem. What If there isn't?

You can be a alcoholic and NOT deceive someone...you know that right? Depends on the person.

Stereotyping people....what a faking shame.

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By *astyEricMan
over a year ago

Hull


"I think most of you are stereotyping a alcoholic.

For those who say there is a deeper problem. What If there isn't?

You can be a alcoholic and NOT deceive someone...you know that right? Depends on the person.

Stereotyping people....what a faking shame. "

It's not a stereotype just statistical majority. Backed up by personal experience

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The funny thing is you actually have a chance to help someone. It's not your drama to deal with in reality. But if hes been paying the rent, smokes outside I'm sure he has some degree of respect for you. Instead of listening to some of these heartless dicks If it was me I would try help! Now if that means for you to get advice first then do it! Nobody does it alone....I just think you could actually save someone right now that's all

And for you closed minded dicks. Go F yourself

Stereotyping ....what a shame!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think most of you are stereotyping a alcoholic.

For those who say there is a deeper problem. What If there isn't?

You can be a alcoholic and NOT deceive someone...you know that right? Depends on the person.

Stereotyping people....what a faking shame.

It's not a stereotype just statistical majority. Backed up by personal experience "

Well that's your personal experience. Not hers. And not his. Everyone is different. So you are stereotyping.

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By *astyEricMan
over a year ago

Hull


"I think most of you are stereotyping a alcoholic.

For those who say there is a deeper problem. What If there isn't?

You can be a alcoholic and NOT deceive someone...you know that right? Depends on the person.

Stereotyping people....what a faking shame.

It's not a stereotype just statistical majority. Backed up by personal experience

Well that's your personal experience. Not hers. And not his. Everyone is different. So you are stereotyping. "

Read my post bit higher mate before you jump into wrong conclusions

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The funny thing is you actually have a chance to help someone. It's not your drama to deal with in reality. But if hes been paying the rent, smokes outside I'm sure he has some degree of respect for you. Instead of listening to some of these heartless dicks If it was me I would try help! Now if that means for you to get advice first then do it! Nobody does it alone....I just think you could actually save someone right now that's all

And for you closed minded dicks. Go F yourself

Stereotyping ....what a shame! "

I disagree, definitely don't try and help him. He's not family or a friend- I wouldn't suggest helping those either. They have to do it themselves.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"IF he's an alcoholic and his behaviour negatively affects you, ask him to leave just as you would a person who wasn't an alcoholic. This might sound harsh but you can find yourself in a whole world of trouble if you try and support him.

If he causes no problems, leave him be as you would any other lodger."

I agree with this.

I would also be very wary of this person was in my house. I would get him out at the first sign of any issues, don't wait or give him the benefit of the doubt. Look after yourself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm just going to stop posting

For all us open minded people out there , I actually thought better of you lot.

Yall closed minded , straight up.

Look at the UK statistics....research before you start stereotyping. About you shouldnt help? Why not? Because your ma was abusive to you? Lol not everyone is the Same

And this is why our country is so fucked. Because you lot dont want to help

HELP doesnt not mean do it by yourself. Ofcourse not, but If you know someone is suffering and you do nothing then SHAME on you. You lot need god.

I'm OUT.

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By *uxomBloomsWoman
over a year ago

Near Tunbridge Wells

Just make sure your smoke alarms and extinguishers are working and well maintained and positioned then judge the situation on a week by week basis.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"IF he's an alcoholic and his behaviour negatively affects you, ask him to leave just as you would a person who wasn't an alcoholic. This might sound harsh but you can find yourself in a whole world of trouble if you try and support him.

If he causes no problems, leave him be as you would any other lodger.

I agree with this.

I would also be very wary of this person was in my house. I would get him out at the first sign of any issues, don't wait or give him the benefit of the doubt. Look after yourself."

But there is no issue yet

He smokes outside. He drinks alone in his room and has never been violent.

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By *ertnsarahCouple
over a year ago

West Bromwich


"The funny thing is you actually have a chance to help someone. It's not your drama to deal with in reality. But if hes been paying the rent, smokes outside I'm sure he has some degree of respect for you. Instead of listening to some of these heartless dicks If it was me I would try help! Now if that means for you to get advice first then do it! Nobody does it alone....I just think you could actually save someone right now that's all

And for you closed minded dicks. Go F yourself

Stereotyping ....what a shame! "

Stereotyping people as closed minded dicks....what a shame!

None of us know what experiences or knowledge the "closed minded dicks" commenting have so should not be so quick to judge or dismiss their opinions or advice. As I said before everyone's experience will be different. There is not an "open sesame" answer, i.e. say or do the right thing & everything will be fixed, it doesn't work like that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’m thinking my new lodger is an alcoholic, anyone got any words of wisdom ?

If he is harmless, pays his rent and keeps everything quiet and clean then leave him be.

I'd go with this and maybe just speak to him in a conversation and maybe you can help him if he is."

Having naively gone through this loop over years with a relative, I’d suggest being very wary of getting involved or trying to help. If he is alcohol dependent that will be his only priority and he will do ANYTHING it takes to secure his supply. Lying and dissembling is trivial. Just decide what affects you, what you need to know to decide and what you will do about it. You wont be able to affect his decisions or lifestyle.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’m thinking my new lodger is an alcoholic, anyone got any words of wisdom ?"

I'm not sure I'm very wise

But I would give him a chance.

If he pays the rent and is quiet and clean - why start unnecessary drama based on finding empty bottles.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"IF he's an alcoholic and his behaviour negatively affects you, ask him to leave just as you would a person who wasn't an alcoholic. This might sound harsh but you can find yourself in a whole world of trouble if you try and support him.

If he causes no problems, leave him be as you would any other lodger.

I agree with this.

I would also be very wary of this person was in my house. I would get him out at the first sign of any issues, don't wait or give him the benefit of the doubt. Look after yourself.

But there is no issue yet

He smokes outside. He drinks alone in his room and has never been violent."

No issue *yet*. Not violent *yet*.

It's her home, her safe place.

If it was my situation, I'd actually get rid now, without any sign of issues.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is a very judgemental thread to be posted within a swinging forum. The man has done nothing wrong, the last time that I checked: drinking alone did not constitute to being an alcoholic.

If he has done nothing wrong and pays rent on time - what exactly is the problem?

I'm sure that you wouldn't like being judged for simply being on this website. Thus, why judge others that are simply getting on with their lives, however they see fit.

Just because he's a man that likes a drink, does not mean that he's going to sexually assault you. If this is particularly worrisome for you, it's probably best to only accept female lodgers.

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London


"This is a very judgemental thread to be posted within a swinging forum. The man has done nothing wrong, the last time that I checked: drinking alone did not constitute to being an alcoholic.

If he has done nothing wrong and pays rent on time - what exactly is the problem?

I'm sure that you wouldn't like being judged for simply being on this website. Thus, why judge others that are simply getting on with their lives, however they see fit.

Just because he's a man that likes a drink, does not mean that he's going to sexually assault you. If this is particularly worrisome for you, it's probably best to only accept female lodgers."

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By *arlomaleMan
over a year ago

darlington

And discussing his problems on an open forum I’m sure he’ll be over the moon why not speak to him instead of asking a bunch of strangers on here what to do can’t people think what to do for themselves anymore I’d be furious if I found out some one was discussing my problem if it is a problem he’s got on a forum like this just my opinion

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By *rbean69Man
over a year ago

Stroud


"This is a very judgemental thread to be posted within a swinging forum. The man has done nothing wrong, the last time that I checked: drinking alone did not constitute to being an alcoholic.

If he has done nothing wrong and pays rent on time - what exactly is the problem?

I'm sure that you wouldn't like being judged for simply being on this website. Thus, why judge others that are simply getting on with their lives, however they see fit.

Just because he's a man that likes a drink, does not mean that he's going to sexually assault you. If this is particularly worrisome for you, it's probably best to only accept female lodgers."

Whilst I am inclined to agree with your last sentence, I don't think any man has a right to tell any woman what or whom she should fear.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This is a very judgemental thread to be posted within a swinging forum. The man has done nothing wrong, the last time that I checked: drinking alone did not constitute to being an alcoholic.

If he has done nothing wrong and pays rent on time - what exactly is the problem?

I'm sure that you wouldn't like being judged for simply being on this website. Thus, why judge others that are simply getting on with their lives, however they see fit.

Just because he's a man that likes a drink, does not mean that he's going to sexually assault you. If this is particularly worrisome for you, it's probably best to only accept female lodgers.

Whilst I am inclined to agree with your last sentence, I don't think any man has a right to tell any woman what or whom she should fear."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This is a very judgemental thread to be posted within a swinging forum. The man has done nothing wrong, the last time that I checked: drinking alone did not constitute to being an alcoholic.

If he has done nothing wrong and pays rent on time - what exactly is the problem?

I'm sure that you wouldn't like being judged for simply being on this website. Thus, why judge others that are simply getting on with their lives, however they see fit.

Just because he's a man that likes a drink, does not mean that he's going to sexually assault you. If this is particularly worrisome for you, it's probably best to only accept female lodgers.

Whilst I am inclined to agree with your last sentence, I don't think any man has a right to tell any woman what or whom she should fear."

I hope that you shall remember this post. If you (or anyone that you know) are ever falsely accused of something, merely due to ones hyper-vigilance, you haven't then a pot to piss in and should instantly be found as guilty.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’m thinking my new lodger is an alcoholic, anyone got any words of wisdom ?

If he is harmless, pays his rent and keeps everything quiet and clean then leave him be.

I'd go with this and maybe just speak to him in a conversation and maybe you can help him if he is.

Tesco's value larger only 2% alcohol.

Ma mate tried this, he spent more time going for a piss than he did getting pissed "

Every little helps

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By *rbean69Man
over a year ago

Stroud


"This is a very judgemental thread to be posted within a swinging forum. The man has done nothing wrong, the last time that I checked: drinking alone did not constitute to being an alcoholic.

If he has done nothing wrong and pays rent on time - what exactly is the problem?

I'm sure that you wouldn't like being judged for simply being on this website. Thus, why judge others that are simply getting on with their lives, however they see fit.

Just because he's a man that likes a drink, does not mean that he's going to sexually assault you. If this is particularly worrisome for you, it's probably best to only accept female lodgers.

Whilst I am inclined to agree with your last sentence, I don't think any man has a right to tell any woman what or whom she should fear.

I hope that you shall remember this post. If you (or anyone that you know) are ever falsely accused of something, merely due to ones hyper-vigilance, you haven't then a pot to piss in and should instantly be found as guilty. "

Is this aimed at me? If so, I really don't understand your point.

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London


"This is a very judgemental thread to be posted within a swinging forum. The man has done nothing wrong, the last time that I checked: drinking alone did not constitute to being an alcoholic.

If he has done nothing wrong and pays rent on time - what exactly is the problem?

I'm sure that you wouldn't like being judged for simply being on this website. Thus, why judge others that are simply getting on with their lives, however they see fit.

Just because he's a man that likes a drink, does not mean that he's going to sexually assault you. If this is particularly worrisome for you, it's probably best to only accept female lodgers.

Whilst I am inclined to agree with your last sentence, I don't think any man has a right to tell any woman what or whom she should fear."

I don’t think the poster did that though, and doesn’t negate the veracity of the attitudes being judgemental anyway, given the context as described thus far.

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

It's your home OP. He's only a lodger not a partner. If he's a good friend you may want to help if he's paying his rent bills, sticking to house rules etc, which is fine. However, speaking from experience, if he truly is an alcoholic, this will come first and not rent or bills. At this point I would be giving notice as it will be a downward spiral.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This is a very judgemental thread to be posted within a swinging forum. The man has done nothing wrong, the last time that I checked: drinking alone did not constitute to being an alcoholic.

If he has done nothing wrong and pays rent on time - what exactly is the problem?

I'm sure that you wouldn't like being judged for simply being on this website. Thus, why judge others that are simply getting on with their lives, however they see fit.

Just because he's a man that likes a drink, does not mean that he's going to sexually assault you. If this is particularly worrisome for you, it's probably best to only accept female lodgers."
As far as I'm aware the OP had never mentioned fear of sexual assault. Fire seems to be the big concern from my understanding.

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

Did you lay down any house rule's when he moved in OP?

If I where to open my house to a lodger then I would definitely have some.

It's your house do as you wish,it's not your responsibility to take on his personal issues he's only a lodger.

Yes you could be a decent person and supply leaflets regards his issues but he very probably doesn't want you sticking your nose in his business.

If it was me I would straight up talk to him.

Look I've noticed that you drink alot I know it's non of my business why and frankly if you want to drink yourself to death that's your choice, however this is my home and I would like to know if this is going to be a problem?

Then at this point give him some rules ,stating that if this or that happens then I'm going to have to terminate your stay.

He may have just gotten out of a bad break up and be going through a rough patch?

Alternatively he might be troubled.

Whatever it is it's your house your safety concerns are valid and you have the right to air them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’m thinking my new lodger is an alcoholic, anyone got any words of wisdom ?"

How do you know he is an alcoholic? I went out with one for months before I twigged, they are usually good at hiding it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Did you lay down any house rule's when he moved in OP?

If I where to open my house to a lodger then I would definitely have some.

It's your house do as you wish,it's not your responsibility to take on his personal issues he's only a lodger.

Yes you could be a decent person and supply leaflets regards his issues but he very probably doesn't want you sticking your nose in his business.

If it was me I would straight up talk to him.

Look I've noticed that you drink alot I know it's non of my business why and frankly if you want to drink yourself to death that's your choice, however this is my home and I would like to know if this is going to be a problem?

Then at this point give him some rules ,stating that if this or that happens then I'm going to have to terminate your stay.

He may have just gotten out of a bad break up and be going through a rough patch?

Alternatively he might be troubled.

Whatever it is it's your house your safety concerns are valid and you have the right to air them."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 27/05/19 09:18:03]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is sad to see that many have written the guy off without knowing much detail at all

All I see is a series of semi white knight remarks about a woman in danger

I don't know the OP, her lodger or the circumstances that brought them together

What I can read is that the OP is worried, be it with reason or without

Let us not forget that, at some point, the OP will have met her lodger and deemed him fit enough to share her home

I am assuming this was out of necessity that fell short of desperation?

If I were to share my space, I would want to follow due diligence in doing so

If I was worried about fire, would I invite a smoker to share my home? Probably not

I'd want to know more about the person than just a quick 15-20 minute walk round and chat

I would still refer you to the fact that we know nothing of this man other than he smokes at the back door and that he has bottles in unknown quantities and unknown description in his room

Neither of those shout alcoholic

As I said earlier in the thread, we need context to make a clearer call on this

As for the OP, if you are unsure of the guy, if he just makes you feel nervous then just ask him to leave. You have the right to do so.

If, however, you want to give the guy a chance, get to know him and his situation a little more - it might help to make your decision easier.

Right now, it looks like a panicked knee jerk, potentially over putting two and two together and getting 47.

Good Luck in working your way through this - remember cool, calm and collected wins the day.

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By *ibblingnewt OP   Woman
over a year ago

by the sea


"It is sad to see that many have written the guy off without knowing much detail at all

All I see is a series of semi white knight remarks about a woman in danger

I don't know the OP, her lodger or the circumstances that brought them together

What I can read is that the OP is worried, be it with reason or without

Let us not forget that, at some point, the OP will have met her lodger and deemed him fit enough to share her home

I am assuming this was out of necessity that fell short of desperation?

If I were to share my space, I would want to follow due diligence in doing so

If I was worried about fire, would I invite a smoker to share my home? Probably not

I'd want to know more about the person than just a quick 15-20 minute walk round and chat

I would still refer you to the fact that we know nothing of this man other than he smokes at the back door and that he has bottles in unknown quantities and unknown description in his room

Neither of those shout alcoholic

As I said earlier in the thread, we need context to make a clearer call on this

As for the OP, if you are unsure of the guy, if he just makes you feel nervous then just ask him to leave. You have the right to do so.

If, however, you want to give the guy a chance, get to know him and his situation a little more - it might help to make your decision easier.

Right now, it looks like a panicked knee jerk, potentially over putting two and two together and getting 47.

Good Luck in working your way through this - remember cool, calm and collected wins the day."

Thanks for this, you are right it was a knee jerk reaction I was in shock and a bit scared I couldn’t sleep for worry on Saturday night that was why I posted that yesterday but I’m going to see what the next few weeks are like then I will have to approach it if I need to. I’m not alone in the house so have to consider others too

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38


"I’m thinking my new lodger is an alcoholic, anyone got any words of wisdom ?

If he is harmless, pays his rent and keeps everything quiet and clean then leave him be."

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38


"It is sad to see that many have written the guy off without knowing much detail at all

All I see is a series of semi white knight remarks about a woman in danger

I don't know the OP, her lodger or the circumstances that brought them together

What I can read is that the OP is worried, be it with reason or without

Let us not forget that, at some point, the OP will have met her lodger and deemed him fit enough to share her home

I am assuming this was out of necessity that fell short of desperation?

If I were to share my space, I would want to follow due diligence in doing so

If I was worried about fire, would I invite a smoker to share my home? Probably not

I'd want to know more about the person than just a quick 15-20 minute walk round and chat

I would still refer you to the fact that we know nothing of this man other than he smokes at the back door and that he has bottles in unknown quantities and unknown description in his room

Neither of those shout alcoholic

As I said earlier in the thread, we need context to make a clearer call on this

As for the OP, if you are unsure of the guy, if he just makes you feel nervous then just ask him to leave. You have the right to do so.

If, however, you want to give the guy a chance, get to know him and his situation a little more - it might help to make your decision easier.

Right now, it looks like a panicked knee jerk, potentially over putting two and two together and getting 47.

Good Luck in working your way through this - remember cool, calm and collected wins the day."

Great is great advice..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It is sad to see that many have written the guy off without knowing much detail at all

All I see is a series of semi white knight remarks about a woman in danger

I don't know the OP, her lodger or the circumstances that brought them together

What I can read is that the OP is worried, be it with reason or without

Let us not forget that, at some point, the OP will have met her lodger and deemed him fit enough to share her home

I am assuming this was out of necessity that fell short of desperation?

If I were to share my space, I would want to follow due diligence in doing so

If I was worried about fire, would I invite a smoker to share my home? Probably not

I'd want to know more about the person than just a quick 15-20 minute walk round and chat

I would still refer you to the fact that we know nothing of this man other than he smokes at the back door and that he has bottles in unknown quantities and unknown description in his room

Neither of those shout alcoholic

As I said earlier in the thread, we need context to make a clearer call on this

As for the OP, if you are unsure of the guy, if he just makes you feel nervous then just ask him to leave. You have the right to do so.

If, however, you want to give the guy a chance, get to know him and his situation a little more - it might help to make your decision easier.

Right now, it looks like a panicked knee jerk, potentially over putting two and two together and getting 47.

Good Luck in working your way through this - remember cool, calm and collected wins the day.

Thanks for this, you are right it was a knee jerk reaction I was in shock and a bit scared I couldn’t sleep for worry on Saturday night that was why I posted that yesterday but I’m going to see what the next few weeks are like then I will have to approach it if I need to. I’m not alone in the house so have to consider others too"

Are the others in the house over 18?

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By *ibblingnewt OP   Woman
over a year ago

by the sea


"This is a very judgemental thread to be posted within a swinging forum. The man has done nothing wrong, the last time that I checked: drinking alone did not constitute to being an alcoholic.

If he has done nothing wrong and pays rent on time - what exactly is the problem?

I'm sure that you wouldn't like being judged for simply being on this website. Thus, why judge others that are simply getting on with their lives, however they see fit.

Just because he's a man that likes a drink, does not mean that he's going to sexually assault you. If this is particularly worrisome for you, it's probably best to only accept female lodgers. As far as I'm aware the OP had never mentioned fear of sexual assault. Fire seems to be the big concern from my understanding."

Not fearing sexual assault the guys done absolutly nothing to make me feel that at all and it is fire risks primarily

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By *ibblingnewt OP   Woman
over a year ago

by the sea


"It is sad to see that many have written the guy off without knowing much detail at all

All I see is a series of semi white knight remarks about a woman in danger

I don't know the OP, her lodger or the circumstances that brought them together

What I can read is that the OP is worried, be it with reason or without

Let us not forget that, at some point, the OP will have met her lodger and deemed him fit enough to share her home

I am assuming this was out of necessity that fell short of desperation?

If I were to share my space, I would want to follow due diligence in doing so

If I was worried about fire, would I invite a smoker to share my home? Probably not

I'd want to know more about the person than just a quick 15-20 minute walk round and chat

I would still refer you to the fact that we know nothing of this man other than he smokes at the back door and that he has bottles in unknown quantities and unknown description in his room

Neither of those shout alcoholic

As I said earlier in the thread, we need context to make a clearer call on this

As for the OP, if you are unsure of the guy, if he just makes you feel nervous then just ask him to leave. You have the right to do so.

If, however, you want to give the guy a chance, get to know him and his situation a little more - it might help to make your decision easier.

Right now, it looks like a panicked knee jerk, potentially over putting two and two together and getting 47.

Good Luck in working your way through this - remember cool, calm and collected wins the day.

Thanks for this, you are right it was a knee jerk reaction I was in shock and a bit scared I couldn’t sleep for worry on Saturday night that was why I posted that yesterday but I’m going to see what the next few weeks are like then I will have to approach it if I need to. I’m not alone in the house so have to consider others too

Are the others in the house over 18?"

Yes everyone

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

How long has he been lodging with you op?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It is sad to see that many have written the guy off without knowing much detail at all

All I see is a series of semi white knight remarks about a woman in danger

I don't know the OP, her lodger or the circumstances that brought them together

What I can read is that the OP is worried, be it with reason or without

Let us not forget that, at some point, the OP will have met her lodger and deemed him fit enough to share her home

I am assuming this was out of necessity that fell short of desperation?

If I were to share my space, I would want to follow due diligence in doing so

If I was worried about fire, would I invite a smoker to share my home? Probably not

I'd want to know more about the person than just a quick 15-20 minute walk round and chat

I would still refer you to the fact that we know nothing of this man other than he smokes at the back door and that he has bottles in unknown quantities and unknown description in his room

Neither of those shout alcoholic

As I said earlier in the thread, we need context to make a clearer call on this

As for the OP, if you are unsure of the guy, if he just makes you feel nervous then just ask him to leave. You have the right to do so.

If, however, you want to give the guy a chance, get to know him and his situation a little more - it might help to make your decision easier.

Right now, it looks like a panicked knee jerk, potentially over putting two and two together and getting 47.

Good Luck in working your way through this - remember cool, calm and collected wins the day.

Thanks for this, you are right it was a knee jerk reaction I was in shock and a bit scared I couldn’t sleep for worry on Saturday night that was why I posted that yesterday but I’m going to see what the next few weeks are like then I will have to approach it if I need to. I’m not alone in the house so have to consider others too

Are the others in the house over 18?

Yes everyone "

Hope it all gets sorted ok.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This is a very judgemental thread to be posted within a swinging forum. The man has done nothing wrong, the last time that I checked: drinking alone did not constitute to being an alcoholic.

If he has done nothing wrong and pays rent on time - what exactly is the problem?

I'm sure that you wouldn't like being judged for simply being on this website. Thus, why judge others that are simply getting on with their lives, however they see fit.

Just because he's a man that likes a drink, does not mean that he's going to sexually assault you. If this is particularly worrisome for you, it's probably best to only accept female lodgers. As far as I'm aware the OP had never mentioned fear of sexual assault. Fire seems to be the big concern from my understanding.

Not fearing sexual assault the guys done absolutly nothing to make me feel that at all and it is fire risks primarily "

You say that he smokes outside though? You find bottles of alcohol in his room, on a weekend, which is pretty normal; then accuse him of being an alcoholic. Is this thread even genuine?

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By *rbean69Man
over a year ago

Stroud

Byron20 ... You wrote a comment yesterday which seemed to be aimed at me. You said

"I hope that you shall remember this post. If you (or anyone that you know) are ever falsely accused of something, merely due to ones hyper-vigilance, you haven't then a pot to piss in and should instantly be found as guilty."

I asked whether this was aimed at me. I would like an explanation, please, as I don't see what you are getting at

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By *ilth500Man
over a year ago

Merseyside


"Byron20 ... You wrote a comment yesterday which seemed to be aimed at me. You said

"I hope that you shall remember this post. If you (or anyone that you know) are ever falsely accused of something, merely due to ones hyper-vigilance, you haven't then a pot to piss in and should instantly be found as guilty."

I asked whether this was aimed at me. I would like an explanation, please, as I don't see what you are getting at"

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By *rbean69Man
over a year ago

Stroud


"Byron20 ... You wrote a comment yesterday which seemed to be aimed at me. You said

"I hope that you shall remember this post. If you (or anyone that you know) are ever falsely accused of something, merely due to ones hyper-vigilance, you haven't then a pot to piss in and should instantly be found as guilty."

I asked whether this was aimed at me. I would like an explanation, please, as I don't see what you are getting at

"

_ilth500 You may enlighten me if you wish.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Byron20 ... You wrote a comment yesterday which seemed to be aimed at me. You said

"I hope that you shall remember this post. If you (or anyone that you know) are ever falsely accused of something, merely due to ones hyper-vigilance, you haven't then a pot to piss in and should instantly be found as guilty."

I asked whether this was aimed at me. I would like an explanation, please, as I don't see what you are getting at"

It was in regards to the latter half of your comment. In which you mentioned something along the lines of “we shouldn’t say what a woman should/should not fear”. That’s all fine and dandy, as long as it’s rational. This instance has been blown out of proportion.

It’s akin to accusing a man of being a predator, for simply taking the same path home at night.

This seems a case of hyper-vigilance the same as above. There truly is no problem, the OP and others are simply catastrophizing.

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By *rbean69Man
over a year ago

Stroud


"Byron20 ... You wrote a comment yesterday which seemed to be aimed at me. You said

"I hope that you shall remember this post. If you (or anyone that you know) are ever falsely accused of something, merely due to ones hyper-vigilance, you haven't then a pot to piss in and should instantly be found as guilty."

I asked whether this was aimed at me. I would like an explanation, please, as I don't see what you are getting at

It was in regards to the latter half of your comment. In which you mentioned something along the lines of “we shouldn’t say what a woman should/should not fear”. That’s all fine and dandy, as long as it’s rational. This instance has been blown out of proportion.

It’s akin to accusing a man of being a predator, for simply taking the same path home at night.

This seems a case of hyper-vigilance the same as above. There truly is no problem, the OP and others are simply catastrophizing. "

My comment stands. I was simply suggesting that the OP take professional advice if she was worried. In none of my several posts did I pass judgement on the lodger.

We will have to differ on this issue.

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

My words of wisdom are keep a close eye on him. If becomes aggressive towards you or anyone else in the house, or you are worrying more than you are now ask him to leave.

It sounds like you have concerns now OP and in your own home that is simply not fair.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My words of wisdom are keep a close eye on him. If becomes aggressive towards you or anyone else in the house, or you are worrying more than you are now ask him to leave.

It sounds like you have concerns now OP and in your own home that is simply not fair. "

She found some bottles in his room of unspecified variety/quantity on seemingly one occasion.(a weekend as well. Who tf drinks on a Saturday?)

You lot are so judgemental. This entire thread seems to me, to have been posted to garner views. The lodger likely, doesn’t even exist. If he does then, the op should look at where she’s casting stones.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My words of wisdom are keep a close eye on him. If becomes aggressive towards you or anyone else in the house, or you are worrying more than you are now ask him to leave.

It sounds like you have concerns now OP and in your own home that is simply not fair.

She found some bottles in his room of unspecified variety/quantity on seemingly one occasion.(a weekend as well. Who tf drinks on a Saturday?)

You lot are so judgemental. This entire thread seems to me, to have been posted to garner views. The lodger likely, doesn’t even exist. If he does then, the op should look at where she’s casting stones. "

If you're ever short of a lynch mob, you can always be sure to find one here

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By *arlomaleMan
over a year ago

darlington

I still can’t believe people don’t have the intelligence to think for themselves if I had a personal problem like op has why would I ask a bunch of strangers who I don’t fucking know who are all experts btw just a thought but why doesn’t op ask her family or maybe her lodgers friends and family after all I’d say they are best to advise not us lot who don’t know them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My words of wisdom are keep a close eye on him. If becomes aggressive towards you or anyone else in the house, or you are worrying more than you are now ask him to leave.

It sounds like you have concerns now OP and in your own home that is simply not fair.

She found some bottles in his room of unspecified variety/quantity on seemingly one occasion.(a weekend as well. Who tf drinks on a Saturday?)

You lot are so judgemental. This entire thread seems to me, to have been posted to garner views. The lodger likely, doesn’t even exist. If he does then, the op should look at where she’s casting stones. "

Why are you do annoyed about this? Her safety is the priority. She has said she will assess the situation and only wanted advice. She hasn't said she'll kick him out immediately.

If it was me I would kick him out. Without any evidence other than a bad feeling about him. You can rant all you like.

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By *arlomaleMan
over a year ago

darlington

I do hope op has declared the extra income to the hmrc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" I do hope op has declared the extra income to the hmrc "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My words of wisdom are keep a close eye on him. If becomes aggressive towards you or anyone else in the house, or you are worrying more than you are now ask him to leave.

It sounds like you have concerns now OP and in your own home that is simply not fair.

She found some bottles in his room of unspecified variety/quantity on seemingly one occasion.(a weekend as well. Who tf drinks on a Saturday?)

You lot are so judgemental. This entire thread seems to me, to have been posted to garner views. The lodger likely, doesn’t even exist. If he does then, the op should look at where she’s casting stones.

Why are you do annoyed about this? Her safety is the priority. She has said she will assess the situation and only wanted advice. She hasn't said she'll kick him out immediately.

If it was me I would kick him out. Without any evidence other than a bad feeling about him. You can rant all you like. "

You’re pathetic.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" I do hope op has declared the extra income to the hmrc "

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales


"I still can’t believe people don’t have the intelligence to think for themselves if I had a personal problem like op has why would I ask a bunch of strangers who I don’t fucking know who are all experts btw just a thought but why doesn’t op ask her family or maybe her lodgers friends and family after all I’d say they are best to advise not us lot who don’t know them "

Because someone on here might have gone through a similar scenario.

If you ask friends or family they are just going to say get rid, because they’ll just see him as a potential problem and will be thinking of OP’s best interests.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My words of wisdom are keep a close eye on him. If becomes aggressive towards you or anyone else in the house, or you are worrying more than you are now ask him to leave.

It sounds like you have concerns now OP and in your own home that is simply not fair.

She found some bottles in his room of unspecified variety/quantity on seemingly one occasion.(a weekend as well. Who tf drinks on a Saturday?)

You lot are so judgemental. This entire thread seems to me, to have been posted to garner views. The lodger likely, doesn’t even exist. If he does then, the op should look at where she’s casting stones.

Why are you do annoyed about this? Her safety is the priority. She has said she will assess the situation and only wanted advice. She hasn't said she'll kick him out immediately.

If it was me I would kick him out. Without any evidence other than a bad feeling about him. You can rant all you like.

You’re pathetic. "

Why?

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere


"My words of wisdom are keep a close eye on him. If becomes aggressive towards you or anyone else in the house, or you are worrying more than you are now ask him to leave.

It sounds like you have concerns now OP and in your own home that is simply not fair.

She found some bottles in his room of unspecified variety/quantity on seemingly one occasion.(a weekend as well. Who tf drinks on a Saturday?)

You lot are so judgemental. This entire thread seems to me, to have been posted to garner views. The lodger likely, doesn’t even exist. If he does then, the op should look at where she’s casting stones. "

You're very aggressive yourself this morning.

I wasn't being judgey, I'd say the same to anyone that lived with someone who could potentially be a problem.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales


" I do hope op has declared the extra income to the hmrc "

You’re allowed to earn up to £7,500 a year tax-free, or £3,750 if you're letting jointly.

So long as not over this, it’s all good.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My words of wisdom are keep a close eye on him. If becomes aggressive towards you or anyone else in the house, or you are worrying more than you are now ask him to leave.

It sounds like you have concerns now OP and in your own home that is simply not fair.

She found some bottles in his room of unspecified variety/quantity on seemingly one occasion.(a weekend as well. Who tf drinks on a Saturday?)

You lot are so judgemental. This entire thread seems to me, to have been posted to garner views. The lodger likely, doesn’t even exist. If he does then, the op should look at where she’s casting stones.

Why are you do annoyed about this? Her safety is the priority. She has said she will assess the situation and only wanted advice. She hasn't said she'll kick him out immediately.

If it was me I would kick him out. Without any evidence other than a bad feeling about him. You can rant all you like.

You’re pathetic.

Why?"

You’ve simply jumped to the worst conclusion and, assume that women are helpless delicate little creatures.

If you read the posts from the OP you shall see that this is judged entirely on one day (a weekend) where she has found an empty bottle. This entire thread I’m assuming has been made for attention. It’s pathetic, as are the simpletons white knighting in the hopes of getting on her good side.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales


"My words of wisdom are keep a close eye on him. If becomes aggressive towards you or anyone else in the house, or you are worrying more than you are now ask him to leave.

It sounds like you have concerns now OP and in your own home that is simply not fair.

She found some bottles in his room of unspecified variety/quantity on seemingly one occasion.(a weekend as well. Who tf drinks on a Saturday?)

You lot are so judgemental. This entire thread seems to me, to have been posted to garner views. The lodger likely, doesn’t even exist. If he does then, the op should look at where she’s casting stones.

Why are you do annoyed about this? Her safety is the priority. She has said she will assess the situation and only wanted advice. She hasn't said she'll kick him out immediately.

If it was me I would kick him out. Without any evidence other than a bad feeling about him. You can rant all you like.

You’re pathetic.

Why?

You’ve simply jumped to the worst conclusion and, assume that women are helpless delicate little creatures.

If you read the posts from the OP you shall see that this is judged entirely on one day (a weekend) where she has found an empty bottle. This entire thread I’m assuming has been made for attention. It’s pathetic, as are the simpletons white knighting in the hopes of getting on her good side. "

That’s a bit unfair.

If you read all her comments you will see she has said that she over-reacted in panic and is just going to see how things go over the next few weeks.

She just wanted advice.

It’s everyone else who is recommending she kicks him out.

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By *anky_PankyWoman
over a year ago

Filthy Fuckeryville

Ya know folks.... A forum is a place for discussion.

Not somewhere to get nasty n ranty with each other.

You are all entitled to your own opinions and to stand your corners on those, but why come out fists up to do it instead of just defending your points intelligently like an adult?

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By *arlomaleMan
over a year ago

darlington


" I do hope op has declared the extra income to the hmrc

You’re allowed to earn up to £7,500 a year tax-free, or £3,750 if you're letting jointly.

So long as not over this, it’s all good."
as I’ve said hope her taxes are all in order

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By *arlomaleMan
over a year ago

darlington


" I do hope op has declared the extra income to the hmrc

"
so it’s ok for people to earn money on the side and not declare it then

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My words of wisdom are keep a close eye on him. If becomes aggressive towards you or anyone else in the house, or you are worrying more than you are now ask him to leave.

It sounds like you have concerns now OP and in your own home that is simply not fair.

She found some bottles in his room of unspecified variety/quantity on seemingly one occasion.(a weekend as well. Who tf drinks on a Saturday?)

You lot are so judgemental. This entire thread seems to me, to have been posted to garner views. The lodger likely, doesn’t even exist. If he does then, the op should look at where she’s casting stones.

Why are you do annoyed about this? Her safety is the priority. She has said she will assess the situation and only wanted advice. She hasn't said she'll kick him out immediately.

If it was me I would kick him out. Without any evidence other than a bad feeling about him. You can rant all you like.

You’re pathetic.

Why?

You’ve simply jumped to the worst conclusion and, assume that women are helpless delicate little creatures.

If you read the posts from the OP you shall see that this is judged entirely on one day (a weekend) where she has found an empty bottle. This entire thread I’m assuming has been made for attention. It’s pathetic, as are the simpletons white knighting in the hopes of getting on her good side.

That’s a bit unfair.

If you read all her comments you will see she has said that she over-reacted in panic and is just going to see how things go over the next few weeks.

She just wanted advice.

It’s everyone else who is recommending she kicks him out."

Which is exactly why this thread is a pointless fabrication. Those posting and, demonizing the lodger have shown themselves to be the same as those that jump on swingers in a negative light; whilst having no reason nor experience with the situation.

Also, all profit must be reported to the tax man. She’s hardly receiving a gift of the money which, may be considered beneath the threshold.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My words of wisdom are keep a close eye on him. If becomes aggressive towards you or anyone else in the house, or you are worrying more than you are now ask him to leave.

It sounds like you have concerns now OP and in your own home that is simply not fair.

She found some bottles in his room of unspecified variety/quantity on seemingly one occasion.(a weekend as well. Who tf drinks on a Saturday?)

You lot are so judgemental. This entire thread seems to me, to have been posted to garner views. The lodger likely, doesn’t even exist. If he does then, the op should look at where she’s casting stones.

Why are you do annoyed about this? Her safety is the priority. She has said she will assess the situation and only wanted advice. She hasn't said she'll kick him out immediately.

If it was me I would kick him out. Without any evidence other than a bad feeling about him. You can rant all you like.

You’re pathetic.

Why?

You’ve simply jumped to the worst conclusion and, assume that women are helpless delicate little creatures.

If you read the posts from the OP you shall see that this is judged entirely on one day (a weekend) where she has found an empty bottle. This entire thread I’m assuming has been made for attention. It’s pathetic, as are the simpletons white knighting in the hopes of getting on her good side. "

I haven't assumed anything about other women. I have said what I would do. I would kick him out without a thought. I am judging him on the evidence given and that's all I need. I am also judging you on your angry posts.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" I do hope op has declared the extra income to the hmrc

so it’s ok for people to earn money on the side and not declare it then "

Sure.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My words of wisdom are keep a close eye on him. If becomes aggressive towards you or anyone else in the house, or you are worrying more than you are now ask him to leave.

It sounds like you have concerns now OP and in your own home that is simply not fair.

She found some bottles in his room of unspecified variety/quantity on seemingly one occasion.(a weekend as well. Who tf drinks on a Saturday?)

You lot are so judgemental. This entire thread seems to me, to have been posted to garner views. The lodger likely, doesn’t even exist. If he does then, the op should look at where she’s casting stones.

Why are you do annoyed about this? Her safety is the priority. She has said she will assess the situation and only wanted advice. She hasn't said she'll kick him out immediately.

If it was me I would kick him out. Without any evidence other than a bad feeling about him. You can rant all you like.

You’re pathetic.

Why?

You’ve simply jumped to the worst conclusion and, assume that women are helpless delicate little creatures.

If you read the posts from the OP you shall see that this is judged entirely on one day (a weekend) where she has found an empty bottle. This entire thread I’m assuming has been made for attention. It’s pathetic, as are the simpletons white knighting in the hopes of getting on her good side.

I haven't assumed anything about other women. I have said what I would do. I would kick him out without a thought. I am judging him on the evidence given and that's all I need. I am also judging you on your angry posts. "

You are judgemental about rather a lot aren’t you. You’re assumptions of me being angry are stemmed from me merely seeing the sheer stupidity of your judgement. The op has herself admitted that she over-reacted; yet you’re still adamant that she’s in danger.

I do hope that you never have any lodgers if you’d kick them out for simply drinking a legal substance that is commonly imbibed on a weekend. I do feel sorry for anyone in your life, they’d never live up to your ‘holier than thou’ expectations.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"How long has he been lodging with you op?"

That's the question I was going to ask too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Do not fuck him love "

PSML

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My words of wisdom are keep a close eye on him. If becomes aggressive towards you or anyone else in the house, or you are worrying more than you are now ask him to leave.

It sounds like you have concerns now OP and in your own home that is simply not fair.

She found some bottles in his room of unspecified variety/quantity on seemingly one occasion.(a weekend as well. Who tf drinks on a Saturday?)

You lot are so judgemental. This entire thread seems to me, to have been posted to garner views. The lodger likely, doesn’t even exist. If he does then, the op should look at where she’s casting stones.

Why are you do annoyed about this? Her safety is the priority. She has said she will assess the situation and only wanted advice. She hasn't said she'll kick him out immediately.

If it was me I would kick him out. Without any evidence other than a bad feeling about him. You can rant all you like.

You’re pathetic.

Why?

You’ve simply jumped to the worst conclusion and, assume that women are helpless delicate little creatures.

If you read the posts from the OP you shall see that this is judged entirely on one day (a weekend) where she has found an empty bottle. This entire thread I’m assuming has been made for attention. It’s pathetic, as are the simpletons white knighting in the hopes of getting on her good side.

I haven't assumed anything about other women. I have said what I would do. I would kick him out without a thought. I am judging him on the evidence given and that's all I need. I am also judging you on your angry posts.

You are judgemental about rather a lot aren’t you. You’re assumptions of me being angry are stemmed from me merely seeing the sheer stupidity of your judgement. The op has herself admitted that she over-reacted; yet you’re still adamant that she’s in danger.

I do hope that you never have any lodgers if you’d kick them out for simply drinking a legal substance that is commonly imbibed on a weekend. I do feel sorry for anyone in your life, they’d never live up to your ‘holier than thou’ expectations. "

I haven't said she's in danger at all. I have said what *I* would do.

I really don't know what you're angry about. You've made me smile though, thank you. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My words of wisdom are keep a close eye on him. If becomes aggressive towards you or anyone else in the house, or you are worrying more than you are now ask him to leave.

It sounds like you have concerns now OP and in your own home that is simply not fair.

She found some bottles in his room of unspecified variety/quantity on seemingly one occasion.(a weekend as well. Who tf drinks on a Saturday?)

You lot are so judgemental. This entire thread seems to me, to have been posted to garner views. The lodger likely, doesn’t even exist. If he does then, the op should look at where she’s casting stones.

Why are you do annoyed about this? Her safety is the priority. She has said she will assess the situation and only wanted advice. She hasn't said she'll kick him out immediately.

If it was me I would kick him out. Without any evidence other than a bad feeling about him. You can rant all you like.

You’re pathetic.

Why?

You’ve simply jumped to the worst conclusion and, assume that women are helpless delicate little creatures.

If you read the posts from the OP you shall see that this is judged entirely on one day (a weekend) where she has found an empty bottle. This entire thread I’m assuming has been made for attention. It’s pathetic, as are the simpletons white knighting in the hopes of getting on her good side.

I haven't assumed anything about other women. I have said what I would do. I would kick him out without a thought. I am judging him on the evidence given and that's all I need. I am also judging you on your angry posts.

You are judgemental about rather a lot aren’t you. You’re assumptions of me being angry are stemmed from me merely seeing the sheer stupidity of your judgement. The op has herself admitted that she over-reacted; yet you’re still adamant that she’s in danger.

I do hope that you never have any lodgers if you’d kick them out for simply drinking a legal substance that is commonly imbibed on a weekend. I do feel sorry for anyone in your life, they’d never live up to your ‘holier than thou’ expectations.

I haven't said she's in danger at all. I have said what *I* would do.

I really don't know what you're angry about. You've made me smile though, thank you. X"

I’m not angry.....

For what reason should she chuck him out in ‘your’ opinion? He’s done absolutely nothing wrong.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My words of wisdom are keep a close eye on him. If becomes aggressive towards you or anyone else in the house, or you are worrying more than you are now ask him to leave.

It sounds like you have concerns now OP and in your own home that is simply not fair.

She found some bottles in his room of unspecified variety/quantity on seemingly one occasion.(a weekend as well. Who tf drinks on a Saturday?)

You lot are so judgemental. This entire thread seems to me, to have been posted to garner views. The lodger likely, doesn’t even exist. If he does then, the op should look at where she’s casting stones.

Why are you do annoyed about this? Her safety is the priority. She has said she will assess the situation and only wanted advice. She hasn't said she'll kick him out immediately.

If it was me I would kick him out. Without any evidence other than a bad feeling about him. You can rant all you like.

You’re pathetic.

Why?

You’ve simply jumped to the worst conclusion and, assume that women are helpless delicate little creatures.

If you read the posts from the OP you shall see that this is judged entirely on one day (a weekend) where she has found an empty bottle. This entire thread I’m assuming has been made for attention. It’s pathetic, as are the simpletons white knighting in the hopes of getting on her good side.

I haven't assumed anything about other women. I have said what I would do. I would kick him out without a thought. I am judging him on the evidence given and that's all I need. I am also judging you on your angry posts.

You are judgemental about rather a lot aren’t you. You’re assumptions of me being angry are stemmed from me merely seeing the sheer stupidity of your judgement. The op has herself admitted that she over-reacted; yet you’re still adamant that she’s in danger.

I do hope that you never have any lodgers if you’d kick them out for simply drinking a legal substance that is commonly imbibed on a weekend. I do feel sorry for anyone in your life, they’d never live up to your ‘holier than thou’ expectations.

I haven't said she's in danger at all. I have said what *I* would do.

I really don't know what you're angry about. You've made me smile though, thank you. X

I’m not angry.....

For what reason should she chuck him out in ‘your’ opinion? He’s done absolutely nothing wrong. "

I didn't say that *she* should chuck him out. I said I would (if it was me in that situation).

I think she's made the right decision by what she said earlier about waiting to see what happens.

If it was me, my reason would be the situation would make me feel unsafe. He's done nothing wrong, I agree with you. The issue is me.

He deserves to live somewhere where he can be happy too. I'm sure he would sense an atmosphere at my house as I wouldn't be at all happy. So the best thing would be for him to find somewhere else to live.

I also agree with the earlier post that said something like it's not up to other people to say what a woman should or shouldn't be afraid of. Which is the point I've been trying to make. If the OP isn't happy, that's all that matters. No matter how small the issue might seem to other people, her well being and safe feeling is the most important.

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