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Body Shaming others....

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By *oxy_minx OP   Woman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

I just want to say up front that I have no intention in replying to others directly, I just want to try and understand other peoples thoughts.

Myself and a work colleague were having a private conversation yesterday about body image, bearing in mind we are on complete spectrums to each other.

Why is it that the curvier body is now more acceptable and it is great that it is! I completely agree with that! She is a size 18/20 and is disgusted by how slimmer people are viewed when I explained how this site see's slimmer women, ie the comments that 'only real women have curves' or 'only dogs like bones' I understand it when those comments come from men as they are obviously trying to curry favour with those on the larger size, but what I truly don't get, is when women say the same. Why? Why do you do it? What do you think you gain by putting other females down? Does it give you an ego boost? I would love to know how you think in order to understand it in some way.

So my friend is size 18/20 and proud of it, I am a size 6 weight 7.3 then another colleague butted into the conversation and tried (to disbelieve that there were many size 6 females out there) and that she wouldn't even get a leg in a pair of size 6 anything, she tried to question me about where I buy clothes etc, so I just shut down the conversation as I just thought here we go again, when the hell will we ever just enjoy a totally diverse world and just enjoy everyone for what they are? Your thoughts? …………….

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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago

Hillside desolate

Honestly I think other women say it to mask their own insecurities, most likely they are envious of the body types they are criticising.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

By bodyshaming others they may feel better about themselves.

Pathetic but true

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"By bodyshaming others they may feel better about themselves.

Pathetic but true "

It's as simple as that.

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By *adbury girlWoman
over a year ago

Lanarkshire


"Honestly I think other women say it to mask their own insecurities, most likely they are envious of the body types they are criticising. "

this

Women are so body conscious they have to criticise what they are not so they feel better about themselves.

Me, I’m just grateful I can zip my jeans up without lying on the bed trying to make my stomach flatter to get them zipped!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think women are the worst for it.

We should be celebrating and encouraging each other to love what they have. Sadly society is constantly telling us we need to change.

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London

It’s a real shame that people do that. Sometimes I think people don’t even realise the negative impact they’re having on others and sometimes never meant to have such an impact; either ignorant to how it comes across or concentrating so hard on buoying one person they’re oblivious to how that can be done without pulling down someone else. Perhaps it’s not the intent but a lack of analysis/awareness of language use? Sometimes people do mean to intentionally bodyshame either a group of people or specific persons, and there’s likely projection or hurt completely unrelated to those they’re attacking that’s being played out. Attack is a form of defense, and ultimately it’s quite isolating - which in turn can perpetuate hurt and anger.

I think it’s important to point out bodyshaming, but I wonder how we can do so without causing further shame or perpetuating hurt/isolation to those stuck in that cycle? I think we won’t immediately know or understand why someone is doing it and whilst we need to raise people’s awareness as to when they say something that hurts, so they can explain their intent and learn how it was perceived/landed in order to do differently/better next time and to be able to own/acknowledge/apologise for what they said and how it may have come across (irrespective of whether they’d intended it that way) but causing shame and defensiveness in namecalling them back without allowing somewhere for them to save face/explain/own learning isn’t always the best way to do so.

It’s not a skill I’ve fully mastered yet though. But I’m mindful of wanting to do better - but not not challenging things I think need to be challenged.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think in some people it’s ingrained from an early age, their parents did it so they do it and their children do it. I’ve always struggled with my weight and have been constantly body shamed because of it. I’ve friends who are the exact opposite and couldn’t put weight on despite eating like a horse, and they’ve had the same treatment. No need for it x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Honestly I think other women say it to mask their own insecurities, most likely they are envious of the body types they are criticising.

this

Women are so body conscious they have to criticise what they are not so they feel better about themselves.

Me, I’m just grateful I can zip my jeans up without lying on the bed trying to make my stomach flatter to get them zipped!! "

I was doing that tonight- I think the Czech beer is taking its toll

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By *adbury girlWoman
over a year ago

Lanarkshire

I think we have to start loving our selves before others will. How many of us women put ourselves down when someone pays us a compliment?

If someone says to me your hair is lovely, it’s really long now. I say oh it’s needing cut!! Why don’t I just say thank you??

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By *oenjess2003Couple
over a year ago

St Helens/ Forres


"I think in some people it’s ingrained from an early age, their parents did it so they do it and their children do it. I’ve always struggled with my weight and have been constantly body shamed because of it. I’ve friends who are the exact opposite and couldn’t put weight on despite eating like a horse, and they’ve had the same treatment. No need for it x "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"By bodyshaming others they may feel better about themselves.

Pathetic but true "

Basically I think it's this tbh whatever size!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m all for creating an environment that produces body confidence and think the body-shamers deserve ostracising.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Populist approach to inequality and fairness.

Instead of focusing on behaviour and attitudes towards everyone in general, we sadly emphasize some more so.

You can call a guy slap head or baldy and it's a big joke, but scoff at another aspect and you'll be outed!

People can be horrid with no consideration to others,yet portray themselves as Angel's with regards to the plight of some folk.

Just be nice?

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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago

Hillside desolate


"I think we have to start loving our selves before others will. How many of us women put ourselves down when someone pays us a compliment?

If someone says to me your hair is lovely, it’s really long now. I say oh it’s needing cut!! Why don’t I just say thank you?? "

That's so true, if someone compliments my pictures I say oh it's just clever angles, rather than just accepting it. I met someone recently who pointed this trait out to me, he was so right!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think we have to start loving our selves before others will. How many of us women put ourselves down when someone pays us a compliment?

If someone says to me your hair is lovely, it’s really long now. I say oh it’s needing cut!! Why don’t I just say thank you??

That's so true, if someone compliments my pictures I say oh it's just clever angles, rather than just accepting it. I met someone recently who pointed this trait out to me, he was so right! "

I do that too

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By *oxy_minx OP   Woman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen


"I think we have to start loving our selves before others will. How many of us women put ourselves down when someone pays us a compliment?

If someone says to me your hair is lovely, it’s really long now. I say oh it’s needing cut!! Why don’t I just say thank you??

That's so true, if someone compliments my pictures I say oh it's just clever angles, rather than just accepting it. I met someone recently who pointed this trait out to me, he was so right! "

I will admit, I am terrible with compliments, especially on here as more are fake really, I mean how can I take a compliment from someone 20 years younger than me? I just can't

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By *adbury girlWoman
over a year ago

Lanarkshire


"I think we have to start loving our selves before others will. How many of us women put ourselves down when someone pays us a compliment?

If someone says to me your hair is lovely, it’s really long now. I say oh it’s needing cut!! Why don’t I just say thank you??

That's so true, if someone compliments my pictures I say oh it's just clever angles, rather than just accepting it. I met someone recently who pointed this trait out to me, he was so right!

I do that too "

We all do, it’s a bad habit!!

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By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish


"I think we have to start loving our selves before others will. How many of us women put ourselves down when someone pays us a compliment?

If someone says to me your hair is lovely, it’s really long now. I say oh it’s needing cut!! Why don’t I just say thank you??

That's so true, if someone compliments my pictures I say oh it's just clever angles, rather than just accepting it. I met someone recently who pointed this trait out to me, he was so right!

I will admit, I am terrible with compliments, especially on here as more are fake really, I mean how can I take a compliment from someone 20 years younger than me? I just can't "

Why not?. A compliment is a compliment no matter what age. Compliments are always welcome by me.

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

God knows,I've given up caring anymore.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don’t body shame anyone, I’m a size 8/10 and about 10 stone, however I did used to weigh over 14 stone.

Body shaming and kink shaming on here will always be there, just let it pass as it ain’t worth it x

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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago

Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro

When you're confident in your own skin be it a size 6 or 26 things like this go over your head. It's not how you look it's how you feel you look.

I was a size 6 once upon a time but I didn't like myself much. Size and weight aren't things I'm focused on as I've got older. I've given up a long time ago trying to work out people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Honestly I think other women say it to mask their own insecurities, most likely they are envious of the body types they are criticising. "

I agree with this. I hate body shaming, no need for it.

I've met so many bigger women who are so nasty about slim women but when it's the other way around all hell breaks lose. I definitely think it's jealousy.

I see lots of women body shaming men too! Eugh, small penis. Ooh no he's too short etc... but it's unacceptable when it's about a woman! I will never understand people

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By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish

Im slim. My friends and workmates think im skinny but i certainly am not and refuse to eat the junk food they offer me. Im happy and they are happy so lets all live in peace and harmony.

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By *oxy_minx OP   Woman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

I like my body, I am far from skinny that is for sure! Middle age has taken over and the spread has begun unfortunately, which I hate but I am what I am, like it or leave it,I don't care but I would never body shame anyone else in what their preferences were just don't knock anyone else in your fight to the top, that is all I ask

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By *entish79Man
over a year ago

Glasgow


"I think we have to start loving our selves before others will. How many of us women put ourselves down when someone pays us a compliment?

If someone says to me your hair is lovely, it’s really long now. I say oh it’s needing cut!! Why don’t I just say thank you??

That's so true, if someone compliments my pictures I say oh it's just clever angles, rather than just accepting it. I met someone recently who pointed this trait out to me, he was so right! "

One of the best things you can learn to do is just say “Thank you, that’s very kind” when you are paid a compliment.

Most of us are guilty of seeing ourselves less favourably than others see us though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My thoughts are that I think I you sound angry OP, I have long ceased to try to explain why people think and act the way they do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My thoughts are that I think I you sound angry OP, I have long ceased to try to explain why people think and act the way they do."

I admit to getting angry when it happens to my sister at work, by female colleagues, but eventually you realise they are very unhappy, insecure individuals and their opinions don't deserve any consideration.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think we have to start loving our selves before others will. How many of us women put ourselves down when someone pays us a compliment?

If someone says to me your hair is lovely, it’s really long now. I say oh it’s needing cut!! Why don’t I just say thank you?? "
this is a thing I see alot of too often , it saddens me when I pay a compliment to women and they shoot themselves down like this I tell them they're beautiful, have great eyes or a great smile and they almost always say negative things like they're fat, eyes aren't that beautiful or just say/ask if I'm d*unk .... It's not because im d*unk or blind but when I say you're beautiful you better believe it because I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it.

I'd never body shame because I've been there and done it and know first hand how bad it can get.

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By *V-AliceTV/TS
over a year ago

Ayr

Even if women were nicer to each other, you'd still have the beauty/fashion/dieting industries all manipulating your insecurities.

They've been making vast amounts of money out of you for over a century. The very last thing they want is women - and girls - to be content with their image; despite any bullshit they spout to the contrary.

They need you way more than you need them.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Even if women were nicer to each other, you'd still have the beauty/fashion/dieting industries all manipulating your insecurities.

They've been making vast amounts of money out of you for over a century. The very last thing they want is women - and girls - to be content with their image; despite any bullshit they spout to the contrary.

They need you way more than you need them."

Agreed but they now have their hooks in to men.

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